We all deserve closure [TW, CW]

dedicated for @Noa and @Zadkiel

outfit

Trigger warning: fra side 4.
Content warning: Sex fra side 5

Outfit
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Facing your past seemed so easy to do, in every movie, show and book - it always seemed to easy. It didn't show all the feelings, thoughts, and pain it held - or at least it failed to understand it. Noa was aware she had let Zadkiel down that time, and even if it hadn't been up to her - it was still her who had fired the gun. All the times she had thought it would have been easier to just have shot herself and all the bad stuff wouldn't have happened. All the friends she had lost because of Logan back in the day. He had ruined her, torn her into pieces that thanks to Howard she was able to put slightly back together over the years. There were only few people who actually knew what had happened back then. She couldn't help but chuckle a bit by him yelling at the car in front of them. Despite his every lasting good mood, Howard was an angry driver.

His mood was always so contagious, and it was easy for her to feel the happiness just wear off on her. Even if Grease were her favorite musical and she could all the songs to heart, and she was making a few movements to the music - she was still nervous. She sang along with him, trying to think about anything else than the nerves. It was almost like going to an exam even through Noa had been through worse things than that. It’s going to be okay Noa, she shook her head a little bit and stopped singing. It was easy for him to say, he had never shot the person he loved, and had to leave him bleeding out. "I still don't know how you managed to convince me," she mumbled a bit and looked over at him. Despite feeling slightly pessimistic about it, it quickly changed to something more optimistic, and she nodded a bit. I’m not leaving you, she leaned her head back in the seat, while her lips folded together as she nodded a bit. "Okay," she took a deeper breath in confirming with herself that she could do this.

As they parked she looked out the window to the apartments, and she took a deeper breath in. Was she ready? Not at all, but here she was. Quickly she looked over at Howard, "I don't think I will ever get more ready than this," she confessed a little bit breathless and nodded a bit. "But here goes nothing," she gave him a quick smile before she grabbed the umbrella and stepped out of the car. Noa walked over to the entrance to the apartments and walked in. Quickly she put down the umbrella and closed it. Noa didn't really want to carry it around she left it there against the wall. She found the number, and after a good amount of doubt and stalling time out, she was finally standing outside the door. Her heart beating so incredible fast that she barely knew what to do with herself. Her arm lifted as she was about to knock on the door, her eyes burning with tears that wanted to escape her and make her run away. She had to do this, she owed him that - didn't she? Noa finally managed to knock on the door and took a few steps back. She wrapped the cardigan a bit tighter around her body, feeling her heart exploding out from her ribcage while waiting for him to come to the door - she just hoped he was actually home.

Outfit: Grey t-shirt, grey pants, black socks, and a watch.

Zadkiel had had an early morning shift, and therefore was already home. He had had several days off to plan a funeral – and mourn whenever it fitted in the tight schedule. It wasn’t like the family members couldn’t do it too, but the twins were too young, Tien a mess, Laila had to focus her career and his dad couldn’t leave work, like Zadkiel could. So, he stood back, being in the military, having a whole lot of co-workers who could step in to train the recruits. Some of his co-workers even joked, that they prepared the recruits for a tougher training whenever Zadkiel would be back. A tough one, they called Zadkiel.
But even though things were about to be completely prepared, he couldn’t continue telling his job there was more to do for preparation for the funeral. It was a bad excuse to use, to mourn. Work was important. A schedule was important in Zadkiels everyday life. Being of work made him pick up new tasks. Right now, he was in the middle of during laundry, nothing completely knew, except that he had done all the laundry in the apartment.

The doorbell rang and he looked at the watch on the wrist wondering if Letha was home early and had thrown away her keys, yet again. It would be quite early for her to be home. Maybe she had ordered something online? Or had he forgotten something he had ordered?
He patted the folded laundry and went to the entrance door to open it. He hoped to find Letha, in the middle of finding their spare keys, but the sight Zadkiel met, shocked him. It wasn’t Letha, but his friend Howie and his ex-girlfriend Noa. He even stood for a mere half second, and stared, mostly, at Noa. He closed the door again and leaned against the door.

What was she doing here? Why was Howie with her? Had she carried a gun…? Had she carried a gun? No, she hadn’t. He turned around, plastering a smile on his face and reopened the door. “Hi! Sorry, drafts,” he lied and shrugged. Zadkiel never really lied, but in this case, his life could be in danger – or maybe not? “What can I do for you?” he asked still holding the door and keeping his smile. Noa’s presence made him somewhat nervous. Yes, they had been in a relationship, but it had ended with a bang – literally. Zadkiel had never really figured out what the exact reason for her shooting him back then. Six years ago? It was a long time, and Zadkiel still didn’t know the reason, except that she had acted weirdly for a period of time. This was nerve wrecking and any sudden movements may or may not result in him shutting the door again. He couldn’t risk being shot, while he was all alone home and his phone was next to the laundry. How could he know if she had a gun somewhere? How could he actually know that he could trust Howie with her?

As he closed the door without a word, she felt her heart stop beating and she folded her lips for a moment. Her eyes remained locked on the door in defeat, till at least she heard Howard's voice, telling her to give him a moment. After all, she couldn't expect anything else than him feeling awful towards her being here. Howard was right - as always. Zadkiel opened the door and she felt like she could breathe again. What can I do for you? Noa's lips separated slightly as words tried to be formed, but she had no idea suddenly what to say.  Noa had rehearsed it so many times, but standing here was much more frightening than she had thought. She turned her eyes to the floor, she was mostly embarrassed, even if Howard and everyone said it wasn't her fault - it was her fault, she was the one who had held the gun in her hands. "I.. ehm.. I wanted to.. to explain," she could feel her heart beat so fast that she felt like the floor underneath her was shaking. Noa took a deeper breath in, she needed to stop being so pathetic and just do it. Her gaze moved up looking at Zadkiel again and breathed out. "I'm so so sorry Zad.. I really am," her eyes collected tears but she refused to cry so she moved her eyes shortly up to the left before looking at him again. "I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did.. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." She took a deeper breath in and held it for a while. Noa did expect him to just shut the door and not care at all, she wouldn't blame him. She had been doing fine, everything was such a long time ago, but seeing him again was like facing everything head on again for the first time. All the feelings took her by a surprise.

Noa didn't even look at Howard, but she appreciated he was here. Just like she appreciated everything he had done for her over the years. The seconds she waited felt like hours and she couldn't recall the last time that time around her had felt so slow. But she didn't really take her eyes off Zadkiel, not for more than a few second break once in a while where her gaze moved to the floor, but she always ended up looking at him again.

Noa needed moral support? Well, he didn’t blame her. She had quite the guts to show up after approximately six years. He might’ve done the same – well at least he had a feeling that Noa might’ve come here to either explain or say sorry. He could be wrong though. Her intensions had been unclear before. Zadkiel was quite impressed by the choice of moral support; Howie definitely being the best type of moral support to choose.
Shortly, Zadkiel glanced up at his friend, “Hey,” he greeted and let his glance go straight back to Noa. Right now, he didn’t really want to take his eyes of her, though Howie certainly lightened the mood by just being present, it didn’t remove the fear of being shot again. Zadkiel had dealt with it quite well himself, and therefore hadn’t been in need of any of Howards healing. Howie and Zadkiel had known each other for quite a while, but their communication had been lacking for quite some time. Howie suddenly showing up, uninvited, with Zadkiels ex-girlfriend wasn’t the kind if ‘good to see you’ greeting Zadkiel would’ve expected.

She seemed speechless and it made Zadkiel feel divided. Some where in his heart, he wished to excuse himself and get going, but Howie’s presence made Zadkiel stay in the doorframe, patiently waiting for Noa’s words. Words started to form, and Zadkiel leaned against the doorframe, as if he was relaxed. Their eyes finally met for good as she apologized. That meant a lot to him; being able to look someone in the eye when they apologized. As she looked to the side, Zadkiel let his gaze seek to the guests’ shoes before he looked up again as she spoke. She didn’t expect forgiveness, which was quite good, because of right now, he hadn’t forgiven her. His jaw tensed up for a short moment, as she thought of her words. “Thank you for apologizing,” was the words that left him, before he looked over his shoulder into the apartment. He thought it was a mess and not very presentable, even though the only thing wasn’t completely correct was the laundry he had been in the middle of folding. He looked back at the company, “I-…” He sighed thoughtfully. She had wished to explain, but only apologized. Did she want to be somewhere more private than right in front of his entrance door? He gave up and pushed the door open for them to enter. “Come on in,” he sighed. Damn Howie and his presence.

Thank you for apologizing, she gave him a nod and took a slightly deeper breath in. Most of all she just waited him to close the door, it would be the easiest for both of them. On thing was stopping by and saying she was story, the other thing was reliving the nightmare she had been through. A part of her knew, if anyone would understand or at least try to it would be him. Or at least that was how she remembered him, but a lot of things changed over the years - neither of them were the same naive teenagers they were back in the day. Come on in, she once again gave him a silent nod and felt her emotions rush over her again. Noa entered when Howard suddenly said he wasn't going to join them, she lifted a brow a little. Truth to be told, it was a matter between her and Zadkiel and she knew Howard just wished for them to talk things out. Noa watched as Howard left and she was faced with one of her worst mistakes ever - shooting him. She took a deeper breath in and ran her hands over her head as she walked further into the apartment. She barely looked at how it looked through, her mind was racing with the flashbacks to that time. To Logan's smile as she had done as told. Finally she let her hands down and wrapped her arms around her body. "Is it okay if I sit?" She asked in a low voice, standing up would just make her walk around like a mindless duck and she really wanted to explain. She needed to be able to do this. If he allowed she would sit down on the couch, leaning a little bit over, letting her elbows rest just above her knees. Her left leg slightly bouncing as she folded her hands together, and her eyes turned to him. "I.." She took a deeper breath in. Where did you even start?  That’s what I’ll do to your friends if don’t keep them away from my work, she did a movement with her hand to get Logan's voice out of her head again. "I'm sorry.. I just.. I tried to keep you safe." The tears finally left her eyes and ran over her cheeks.

Noa knew it didn't make sense. How could you keep someone safe by shooting them? "He wanted to hurt you.. he said he would hurt you," she folded her shivering lips together as her voice cracked. She shook her head as she returned to the memory of that night. The night she had shot him. But it had worked she had kept him away. She had kept Echo away. The two people she had hurt the most had been the two people she had loved most. "I was scared - and I know what I did wasn't right," she took a deeper breath in and used the sleeve of the cardigan to dry her eyes.

Zadkiel nodded lightly as Howie thanked him for letting them come in. Noa entered and Zadkiel was sure that Howard would follow along – but he didn’t. He went for a hug. Zadkiel looked at him, slightly confused and patted him on the back slightly before he let himself return the hug. The optimistic feeling spread around his body, and it was difficult to protest Howard leaving. “Way too long,” he replied as he tightened the hug for a short moment, before he heard the whisper. As soon as Howard let go of the hug, Zadkiel looked slightly more confused, and lifted his eyebrows slightly worried – luckily not facing Noa, so she couldn’t see it.

Zadkiel waved once to Howard, before he closed the door and turned to look at Noa and follow her deeper into the apartment. Seeing her silhouette walk though the halls was slightly odd. He had never thought he would see her again. His eyes darted once to the laundry he had been working on. “I’m for the mess” he apologized and looked back at Noa. He couldn’t really relax yet and put it away, so it had to stay.
He observed how she almost covered her face and later wrapped her arms around her own body – was she feeling sick? Even though it had been many years, and their relationship had ended quite drastically, he felt sorry that she had it the way she expressed herself with her body language. “Yeah, sure,” he answered and followed her only to sit in an armchair not too far away from her; but enough to let it be an effort if they had to reach each other physically.
He leaned back in the armchair, trying to relax in her company; she clearly didn’t even know how to relax herself, as she sat there tripping with her leg. He raised an eyebrow as she tried to speak; trying to show that he was listening. As if she tried to hit a mosquito flying near her ears, he frowned lightly – what thought had seemed to pop into her mind?

I tried to keep you safe.

He leaned forward with a frown, “Keep me safe?” he repeated, just to be sure that it wasn’t his mind playing tricks on him. The logic wasn’t really clear to him. How the hell could shooting him keep him safe? Her tears appeared, glistening in the light above the table. The frown didn’t disappear when she said someone wanted to hurt him. Who?
It seemed like she was crumbling in her own words, which was why he got op from the armchair and approached her, squatting down in front of her. He couldn’t just sit there and watch her cry. He placed a hand on her shoulder. It seemed like she had a lot of guilt and had realized what she had done had been a terrible thing to do. “Hey, hey Noa,” he said calmly, “Look at me,” he said with a slightly worried look in his eyes. He didn’t really know what the most important question would be. Who wanted to hurt him or why she though that she should hurt Zadkiel to keep him safe from that man? “I’m still here, okay?” he pulled on a slight smile. He was living his life, with the past behind him - mostly. “But… You have to explain why- why would shooting me keep me safe?” he asked looking worried at her, with a slightly tilted head.

Noa was both surprised and not surprised by him getting up and squatting down in front of her. It was his nature to take care of other people, make sure they were alright, clearly she hadn't changed that. Look at me her eyes looked into his as she took a deeper breath in, trying to stop her tears from falling. His hand on her shoulder made her take a deeper breath in, remember to breathe.I’ll have to start picking them. She closed her eyes for a small second, almost feeling the breath of Logan in her ear, even through he wasn't there. She had to remind herself it was a memory that he wasn't there, he was locked up in Eichen House where he couldn't get out. Noa tried to shake the voice out of her head. I’m still here, okay? Zadkiel's voice cut through to her and she opened her eyes again. Noa had been sitting close by at the hospital after, hiding, waiting to know if he was alive or not. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she had killed him. She pulled a slight smile, yes he was alive.

Why would shooting me keep me safe? The million dollar question. Why had she done it? "Because you were to close.. " She took a deeper breath in and shook her head a bit, while folding her lips together. "He didn't want you to stand in his way..   and," she looked down for second and closed her eyes. It was safe to say now, it had been safe to say for years. And she had to face these demons one way or another. "He told me.." she returned her eyes to Zadkiel. "He said he would kill you if I didn't get rid of you. And you didn't give up.. You had to hate me.. to give up on me." The tears ran over her cheeks as she held her breath trying to find the next words. "It worked," she took a deeper breath in, once again pulling her lips back feeling her face tense from trying to hold back the rest of the tears waiting in line. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't know.. I didn't.. I never meant to hurt you."

She did as told and looked into his eyes. Her whole aura screamed for help and regret. She was troubled, he understood that, but he still didn’t know the reason to why. The slight smile on her lips made it clear that she was happy that she hadn’t hit anything lethal.

Zadkiels frown stayed while she explained, and he tilted his head quite so slightly. She continued to mention a he and he simply couldn’t figure out who it was, no matter how much he twisted his mind about it. He squeezed her shoulder slightly, as she looked down. He wanted to know that he was there – even though she had shot him and that he was slightly scared if she could be able to do it again. He let his eyes stay on hers as she looked back at his.  You didn’t give up... You had to hate me… Give up on me. His free hand dried the tears that ran down her cheeks. She had succeeded when she had shot him. He had given up on them and he had grown a hatred to her. He hadn’t wished to see her ever since. He nodded slightly. I never meant to hurt you. It was somewhat difficult to believe, but he believe that she had no idea of what to do, and that she had felt lost an possibly pressured by this man she kept mentioning. “He pressured you,” he said calmly. He had no clue to why she had been involved with this man from the start. “He didn’t let you tell me?” he wondered. Of course, had Noa told Zadkiel that he had to stay away so he wouldn’t get killed, he would start researching and would’ve probably had died in the process, if this man wasn’t full of empty threats.  

He dried the tears from her eyes, even as they had almost soaked her cheeks. He pressured you she held her breath for a small second and felt a bit of the burden lift from her shoulders. His calming voice and just in general angelic aura made it easier for her to get it all out. Just putting all the cards she had held back for years on the table. "No," she replied and folded her lips together. "I met Logan one day.. I wasn't that old yet, and it about about the time I activated my first ability - he helped me.. at time at least I thought so," she took a deeper breath in. She hadn't even told Howie this part of the story. Noa had just thought about Logan to be helpful after she had gotten hurt on the swing that afternoon. "He wanted it. My power, it was useful to him - but.. I wasn't interested in whatever he had going on," her voice seemed to be more under control as she looked at Zadkiel. "I can control the blood in people's veins.. in my own.. and he wanted that, to make people puppets.. so, having people like you.. in my life," she placed her hand on the hand that was on her shoulder.

Noa wasn't fond of what she had done, even if she had no choice. Her tears had stopped after he had dried them away, and she tried to hold it together. "Do you remember Vanya?" She then asked. Vanya was an old friend of Noa as well, another victim but not by the hands of Noa - even if she had just obeyed - nothing would've happened. "She isn't crazy.. she wasn't dangerous to herself.. he hurt her, and messed up her memory so she wouldn't know. Logan is dangerous, and I.. I couldn't let you get hurt," she took a deeper breath in. Noa had seen Logan torture people, cut them open, tortured them. All the screams she had listened to. But Vanya, he had cut her open, she had hurt her friend scream in pain and begging for it to stop. It was a reminder of how it would sound if she didn't obey. So, she had used her powers for him, held people against their will while he had tormented them. "Logan was caught.. one day.. by the end of the year.. He is still alive, but he is locked up at Eichen House.. he has been for years." Was she scared what he would do if he ever got out? Absolutely. Her words in court had been enough to keep in him forever, and she was sure who would pay if he ever got out.

The worry didn’t reduce as she said this man hadn’t let her tell him. But it made sense; because if she had the possibility to tell him to leave, she would’ve rather done that – right? Logan. He tried his best to remember the name while he would listen to her story. He had helped her with her ability, but seemingly only until he got the taste of the ability and wanted it himself. It was already quite alarming. He started to wonder, if he had been caught or had been killed recently since she reached out. He frowned slightly more, as she explained her power. It sounded dangerous – especially in the wrong hands. He nodded slightly as she tried to explain that he wanted ‘people puppets’ and that she didn’t want to risk that Zadkiel ended up being that. He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze as he felt her hand upon his.

The name Vanya rang a bell, and he nodded, so she could explain what had been going on with er. As she explained what had been going on with her, he started to feel sorry for her. Things hadn’t been good for Vanya – nor Noa.
Logan had been caught and was now locked up. It was like a heavy stone was removed from his heart. This psychopath was locked up and couldn’t hurt them anymore. But he had been locked up for years. Either Noa had been too scared to take contact or she had had trouble finding the right address – or maybe both. “I’m glad that he’s locked up,” he said. He deeply wished that this Logan would rot up in Eichen House. Having caused so much hurt and confusion. Splitting people from their loved ones. “I wish I could’ve done something… Or that I had known,” he said letting both his hands rest on her knees, trying to calm the tripping leg.
“Are you scared?” he asked with no real warning or anything that would lead to that conversation.

Noa knew she should have reached out sooner. She had wanted to, but had chickened out every single time. Noa had doubted herself for years and years, and every single time she had tried to at least come closer to winning over her fears, but it had just hunted her down again and again. There was no one who really saw the fight inside her head, some knew it was there, the nightmares. The had been under water for so long, and it was first by now that the water had stopped pulling her back under. Of course it would have been easier not to be in it alone, and of course he wanted to have done something. All the times she had wanted to be rid of the burden in the past, to just tell him, but also knowing he had more to lose if he got involved. She couldn't risk Zadkiel or his family getting hurt because of Logan. His hands on her knees made her stop tripping, as her mind came to focus on it.

Are you scared? Noa took a deeper breath in and kept her eyes at him. "All the time," she replied while holding her breath as she took a deeper breath in. The fear never really left, no matter how hard she tried to make it go away. All the thoughts and things she had done, what he had made her do, what Logan would do if he ever got out.. everything haunted her, and often she felt like she was all alone. Even if she had Howard to talk to, it was still up to her to fight these demons. No one could fight them for her. "I still hear his voice in head time to time, warning me of what will happen.. what could happen if he gets out," she took a deeper breath in and folded her lips together as took all her thoughts in. "But, I'm doing much better than a few years back," she breathed out and tried to pull a little uplifting smile. In the beginning after she had barely left Howard and his parents house, paranoid and scared that someone would kill her the second she turned around. Scared they would get a call on the phone that Logan was free, she was still scared that call would come one day. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come talk to you." It wasn't really fair of her coming now, she knew he had a hard time after his mum died not long ago.

Noa had always liked Eden, she was always so kind and welcoming. Warm and everything Noa ever had hoped her own mother would be like. The thought that a woman like that had died, was heart breaking and it was a huge loss to the world. "I heard about your mum," she said a while after in a low voice as she looked at him. She lifted her hand up and placed it on his cheek, "I'm so sorry," her thumb carefully caressed the cheek as she took a deeper breath in. The room, the entire atmosphere around them were already emotional, she was already emotional and giving him her condolences seemed only fair. "How are you holding up?" Noa then asked and held her breath for a while as she looked into his eyes. Was she even allowed to get an honest answer? It didn't matter, she needed to know that she'd asked at least shown she cared. Because she did care.

All the time. He understood, but he had no idea how it felt. To fear how someone might be wanting to kill you or all the people you loved. He had been lucky, even though he had been in the military for a couple of years. He had never been at war, luckily. He pulled on the corners of his mouth with some slight nods. “I understand,” he said calmly.
I still hear his voice he frowned lightly. This man had really manipulated her to a whole other level, since she still could hear his voice – or maybe? “Is he a telepath?” he asked with a low voice. He just needed to know, because it could be really dangerous for her – and everyone around her – if he could reach her mind from inside Eichen House. He could haunt her forever if he had made some kind of special bond to her mind in all of those years she had been in contact with him.
He nodded, slightly more happy as she explained that she was happier than from a few year back. “I’m glad,” he said, still very calm. She had been doing worse, and it was slightly alarming, because she didn’t seem to be alright – or maybe it was just Zadkiels presence that made her nervous, or the fact that she confronted him after all these years.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” he said. “You did it,” he added trying to comfort her. Maybe he would’ve lived differently if she had apologized and explained earlier, but right now, he was quite satisfied about where he had ended up. With Letha. Of course, right now his life was a mess, with his parents’ divorce, his mother’s death, and Tien relapsing. But things would be fine eventually. He just needed to know how to handle everything. He needed to have control over the situation.

I heard about your mum. It made him tense slightly. He didn’t want to talk about her mum right now. He didn’t want to talk about her with Noa. It was difficult enough already. His eyes left hers and went to his hands on her knees. She placed her hand on his cheek and it felt like she crossed his lines. He didn’t want her pity. I’m so sorry. The words brought out the hurt and he looked in the opposite direction of her hand. He wasn’t ready to talk with ‘acquaintances’ about his mom. It was like an ongoing mantra in his mind.


And then she asked. He pushed her hand away, still not looking at her. He tried to be gentle when he removed her hand, but his emotions might’ve made it slightly more rushed than intended. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said quickly and slightly harsh, as if she had stomped on his feelings, but he still tried to be polite. He got up from his squatting position and sat down in the couch. He felt uncomfortable with the sudden and unwanted reminder of his mother’s death. He didn’t feel defeated, but he felt exhausted.

Noa shook her head a little, luckily, Logan wasn't a telepath. He had powers on his own, but she was a case that hadn't been a victim of them. Instead she had seen him use them on others. "It's just my own mind driving me crazy sometimes," she confessed as she folded her lips a little bit. Admitting she felt crazy wasn't really on her liste of confessions for the day, but Zadkiel had a way with her letting her guard down. Always had, funny how some things just didn't change. The things she had done and seen, most of the things she had talked over with Howard, even a psychologist but there was also things that couldn't be told, because no one would ever understand them - not unless they experienced it themselves, and she hoped no one would.

Howard had told her not to mention Zadkiel's mother's death, and she knew it was overstepping and she had no right. But she also couldn't walk out of here without saying anything. Because even if she hadn't been around or in the family in years, she was still sorry for his loss. He removed her hand, and she took a deeper breath in by the tone of his words. It made her hold her breath for a second, but she understod. It wasn't that long ago. The wound was still fresh. "You don't have to," she replied and exhaled, "I overstepped - I'm sorry," she added and once again took a deeper breath in and held it for a while. Noa took a deeper breath in and followed his movements with her eyes and turned her head still towards him.

"I met Echo one day.. I got a job at a café in Moonlight Falls.. I got a chance to talk to him as well," she then just shared. At least in hope of taking his mind of the unwanted pain she had brought him. The last thing she actually wanted was to bring anyone pain - and yet it was like she tipped over a domino piece and all of them just started to fall and there was no stopping them. Noa didn't know how to talk to Zadkiel anymore, and that was the payment she had gotten from taking so much time away. Even if her mind longed to call upon scenarios of how things could have been if she had come here earlier - if she had just told someone back then. Noa had even seen Laila in Moonlight Falls at work one day, not that she got more than a death stare form his sister. "But its a nice place you got - I'm glad to see you are doing well -- you know." Even if things were chaotic right now, she could hardly imagine having her mother die, even if she didn't speak to her own mother anymore - death wasn't something she wished upon anyone. So, seeing he lived here in this neighborhood, he had to be doing well in some aspect of life.

It was just her own mind. He didn’t know what reality would’ve been worst; him being a telepath or her going crazy. He looked worried at her. Even though she had hurt him, and that he had gained some fear for her, he didn’t wish for her to go even more crazy. She had already experience way too much from being near Logan. “Do you get any help? Like, professional help?” he asked. Zadkiel could do a lot, but he definitely didn’t think he could do the same as a psychologist.

He knew that the way he had replied had been harsh. Even though he wanted to be polite, it was still a very touchy subject, and he could just talk about his mother with anyone, even though Noa had known Eden, by being his girlfriend for a while. Zadkiel was in general not the person who shared too much. He kept things for himself, so people didn’t worry about him. Just so people could focus on their own problems and Zadkiel could help those who need it. He tried not to sigh as he sat down, he just held his breath for a while. It was still a tough pill to swallow; the reality.

She had met Echo and talked to him. He looked slowly over at Noa, as she explained. “How’d it go?” he wondered. Had she actually managed to say something good to him? He knew that Echo had been quite out of it, when everything had went down, but Zadkiel hadn’t given up on Noa. He could help her, had his thought been. His voice was calming, and not harsh as just a moment ago. He didn’t want her to shut off – he didn’t want her to be him.
He understood what she meant, as she said he was doing well. He chuckled slightly as he breathed out. ”You know this place is actually an apology,” he chuckled and shook his head. “You know what, forget that I said that,” he chuckled and looked over at her with a slight smile. “Despite the mess lately, I’m doing okay,” he then agreed and turned his body, so the leg closet to her was folded on the couch. “How about you? Are you doing alright? You got the job in Moonlight Falls,” he asked and leaned against the corner that created the armrest and backrest.

She nodded a bit, yes she did get some professional help. Even through Howard was very helpful, there was still things she didn't share with him - things not even friendships should be burdened with, or at least just needed a fresh pair of eyes to look at. "I do," she replied with a slightly warmer smile. Dealing with trauma like that was far from easy, and going to many lengths to having to harm the people you cared about to not have anyone else do the harming - it was a twisted psychological game, only proving to her in the end just what she was capable off under pressure.

Echo and her had ended in some ways way worse than her and Zadkiel. There was so many things she could have done worse towards Zadkiel, but hadn't had the stomach to do the things she had done to Echo. The things she had said. "It's still a working process," she replied not really knowing where to put it, but at least she had apologized. Noa had been a horrible person towards Echo, but Logan had watched them, been in the room - if he had seen her even doubt for a second or complain - what would he had done? Lightly she started shaking her head a little bit, pushing the thought out of her head. The shapeshifter took a deeper breath in and connected back to the reality of being in the room. "An apology?" She asked curiously as he chuckled, making her lips pull up in a smaller smile. Noa nodded a bit as he said to forget he had said that, not knowing why, but she let it go.

I’m doing okay, she took a deeper breath in, but the idea made her happy, and that happiness portrait itself in her eyes. The blue eyes seemed to light a little bit more up, they didn't look so scared and sad. Zadkiel turned the question to her, making her lick her lips shortly. "Yeah," she chuckled a bit, "you remember the café we used to go time to time.. Rozas Sugar & Spice? I work there," it wasn't any big job, but working there helped her to at least socialize with some people. Noa mirrored the way he sat on the couch, almost without realizing it. "It is nice, and people are very sweet - and they have the best ice coffee on Amena street," she pointed out with a slightly brighter smile.

It was a relief that she got help. It would be quite the trouble if she didn’t get any and if Logan had been captured for so long, still traumatizing her mind. Professional help was a great way to get better. “Good,” he said and nodded slightly. He had hope for her. She would get better.

He nodded slowly, as she said she and Echo was a work in process. She had been quite so mean to him, saying untruthful things, making him believe every single bad thing she said. Echo was mentally harmed by Noa. Being physically harmed as way different, or in Zadkiels case, he could go back to his normal life with ‘no harm done’, except for the respect for guns.

She was doing alright. It made him pull gently on a smile. Despite all the mess she had made and that he was slightly scared of what she would be able to do, in anyone threatened her again, he was still happy that she was doing alright. He frowned slightly as she told him her new workplace. “Really? Is it still open?” he chuckled. It had been some years ago after all, and Zadkiel had thrown most cafés over his shoulder as he had gotten a bigger interest in training and the military. She got comfortable, just like himself, leaning against the corner of the couch. He pulled a gentle smile as she explained the costumers were nice to her. “The best coffee?” he chuckled. “I guess you’re trying to convince me to give them a try again,” he said with a low chuckle. He looked table with the laundry, it was so messy to look at. He sighed lightly, “Well, I’m working in the military,” he shared and looked back at her. His dream about being an actor was still not fulfilled, a dream that he had shared with Noa back in the day.

"Yeah, believe it or not," she chuckled a bit as her head tilted a bit to the side. It was quite an old café, so she understood why he would have thought it being gone. But she liked it there, and the people were always so welcoming - most of the time at least. Noa's smile grew a bit bitter, "I might be," she replied with a smaller laugh, trying to convince him to get coffee there? Why not. After all it was good coffee. "I see Laila there time to time," she shook her head a bit, but managed to keep a little smile on her lips. Just a little one at least, she had learned to accept Laila's deadly stare, it wasn't the worst she had endured. She had even seen Laila walk in with a demon a few times, but it wasn't her place to sit here and chit chat about who his sister drank coffee with. But she had an eye out. I’m working in the military, Noa lifted her brows a little bit with a warmer smile, it was far from what he had dreamt about back in the day. "So, no big Hollywood star?" She replied with a cheeky smile, the artist dream, she remembered that. The dream where he was the great actor and she could write his manuscript, the next big hit in Hollywood. "But, I'm impressed," the shapeshifter chuckled to herself an ran some hair behind her ear while keeping her eyes at him. "So, what do you do in the military, isn't there like different levels and such - or maybe it's just a stupid question," she laughed a little off and shook her head for a short second. She was curious, that hadn't changed.

Zadkiel nodded slightly, as she convinced him that the café was still there. His smile grew a bit as she agreed that she might’ve tried to convince him to give the café another try. He raised his brows, slightly surprised that she mentioned Laila. “Really?” Wouldn’t Laila have mentioned, he wondered, or maybe they didn’t talk as much? Or Laila didn’t want Zadkiel to worry? The reasons where many.

Noa seemed to be surprised that he mentioned he worked in the military. He understood why, with the goal he had had while he was still a teenager. He chuckled slightly as she mentioned a Hollywood star. “Well, yes and no. My casting pictures are still up, for any instructor to see,” he breathed out pulling on a slight smile. Zadkiel had gotten way more into shape over the last years; also, by joining the military. He looked down into his hands, which were merged together on top of his lab. “Thank you,” he said slightly flattered that she was impressed of him joining the military.
It was very nice that they could just sit here and catch up. They both seemed to be quite comfortable after all. He chuckled lightly and scratched his neck as she asked what he did in the military and how the levels were, “No, no, there’s quite a lot who don’t know the hierarchy,” he said and shrugged. “Right now, I’m a sergeant. I train conscripts and recruits,” he explained and shrugged. “So next step is chief sergeant and below me is corporals,” he explained. There was a whole lot of levels and it could be quite difficult figure out.

He pulled on a thoughtfull smile. He had been getting through his life quite easily, with no bumps on the road, and now he was with Letha. It made him wonder, since Noa had seemed to have a quite bumpy ride with the whole Logan thing, but was she doing better? Had she found someone she could lean on? “Soeh... How's the dating life?” he asked and looked at her with a calm smile. It wasn't like he was going to ask her out, but just curious if she lived the life she deserved.

"Yeah, we never talk through - sometimes she is there with some dance instructor thingy, or just with friends. Don't worry, she lives to give me the death stare," she took a deeper breath in, it wasn't really funny. If looks could kill Laila would have killed Noa more than once, and she understood why. If the roles had been reversed she would have hated herself too - more than she already did.

It was weird how people's lives could change just like that, and how life moved on without you even realized it. Suddenly you were in someone's life, the next day you weren't. "So, it’s still what you want?" She then asked and hoped he hadn't given completely up. Then again, would you keep pictures up for casting if you had completely given up on your dreams? Most likely not. But would he drop everything at the military if the phone rang with a role? The thought had him wonder for a second. Noa had yet figure out what the hell she wanted to do with her life other than being afraid of her own shadow. He replied to her question regarding the military, and she listened to the information given to her. He was a sergeant, that was also very impressive - it sounded very impressive at least. "I'm very happy for you," she confessed with a warm smile on her lips. "You will make it; you've always been able to go after whatever you want in life. I always admired that."

Her warm expression changed drastically when he asked his next question. She wasn't prepared for that question nor the memories that folded out for her eyes by it. She took a deeper breath in and her lips split as if she wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the words. She looked away to the side and tried to collect herself. In this mess, all the delicate chaos, Alex had been there to shield her and help her through it. Then something as tragic as a simple taxi driver that forgot to look where he was driving was the end of that love story. "Sorry.." she took a deeper breath in feeling her eyes tear up again. She laughed a bit almost trying not to cry, laughing seemed easier but at this point it was just clear it was for her own defense. "I did.. I did have someone.. He passed away last summer - one drunk taxi driver thought it would be a good idea to drive around town," she said almost breathlessly as she stared blankly in the air for a short moment. Her tears starting to run silently down her cheeks as she thought back.

She didn't blame him for asking her this question, it was out of curiosity and no one knew till they asked. He couldn't have known the question would bring up a lot of bad memories - and he didn't mean to, she knew that, mainly the reason why she gave him a small smile as the tears ran over her cheeks. Come here, Noa reject the comfort as he placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her towards him, then embraced her. Noa exhaled sobbing quietly, as she allowed herself to crawl closer into his chest. She found comfort which was most important to her right now, it was to hunt the memories down, reminding them it was okay to feel this way, and that these thoughts would pass as well. So, she took a deeper breath in and exhaled again, working on her breathing to regain some control of herself. Finally it seemed like she stopped crying, just feeling herself relax again. Noa exhaled. "You couldn't have known - it's alright," she whispered slightly a while after, and took a deeper breath in. He couldn't have known it would trigger her, she didn't even know when and how much some sentences and thoughts triggered her. Noa hated being emotional, nervous and scared, but sadly it had been her most felt moods for years. Noa didn't move out of his embrace, mostly because lost in thoughts and emotions she didn't want to move out of the only thing right now that actually felt warm and comfortable.

Zadkiel made sure his own breathing was slow and controlled. He knew it could have an effect on a person. Both listening and feeling a calm breathing and hearing a calm heartbeat. At this point Zadkiel had no way of reminding himself that he had lost his mother just a couple of weeks ago. Like most things, he just cut his own problems away and took care of other’s problems. A natural caretaker, some would say.
It’s alright. Maybe she could forgive him for asking, since he didn’t know, but it still didn’t make it alright. He didn’t want to discuss it with her, and therefore just made sure that sure that she hopefully felt comfortable in his embrace. After all, there wasn’t as much fat on his body as there had been last time they had seen each other.
“Would you prefer to lay down? Or maybe something to drink?” he offered. Though it seemed like she had gotten somewhat control of her emotions, sometimes the things he had mentioned could help relaxing more. Laying down was actually a method he often used when people were quite out of it. When they needed to feel grounded and connected to the surface beneath them. A method he often had used on his youngest and smallest sister. Sometimes a hug was enough, but these extra things just seemed to do their thing.