Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace

Almost a month ago already, time had not been gentle on them. Even if it seemed like things were settling a bit more in the big house, there was still a heavy fog of grief. It was all different stages of grief, Cecilia herself was not even close to the acceptance of the situation but stuck in bargaining. It was a comfortable stage, and so easy just forcing your mind on things around you rather than the issues that kept building up in her life. So, keeping herself busy and not dealing with her emotions seemed to be her go-to - only letting them out whenever she was home or alone. Even through between the waves of chaos there was still moments worth celebrating, but tonight wasn't for celebration. The first two weeks of Eden's death, Cecilia had more or less lived in the house, where the last two she had come by few times a week, cooked for whoever was home. Luckily, Ash had been very understanding with changing a bit up in her work hours because of the event.

Now, she was standing in the kitchen preparing tonight's dinner when a wave of visions seemed to wash over her, but she'd had dreams just like these visions before. Or at least she had thought it to be dreams because she just missed Eden. If it wasn't for the fact she knew it wasn't impossible, she wouldn't even have the thought, but she knew Zitora had been reborn - given a second chance by no other than God. Cecilia put down the knife she was using to cut the tomato's and took a step back. She looked around making sure that the kids weren't around to hear her as she closed her eyes and took a deeper breath in to focus. Focus on trying to summon Eden.. wherever she was, if she was there. "Eden," she whispered first afraid of actually saying her name. "Eden," Cecilia repeated before opening her eyes.

She shook her head feeling stupid for even giving it a go, Eden was dead. They all knew it or that was till. Cecilia? Her heart skipped a beat almost like it dropped to the floor and she spun around. Cecilia's lips parted wanting to speak but not knowing what words to say or even if she should believe what she saw. Was she having another vision? Was this a dream? "Cecilia is there any-" Laila came into the living room and walked towards the kitchen stopping by the angel in the room. But not just any angel. Her dead mother, looking anything but dead. Laila took a deeper breath in and just stood there frozen for a second. "What is going on?" She said in a more demanding tone wanting to know what on earth this was. Was it a cruel joke? From the look on Cecilia's face, Laila was sure it wasn't just her seeing it. Laila looked back, Seraphina and Tien would be down soon - how would they react to this? Was it even their mother? Not from the aura it wasn't, but how could it - Laila took a deeper breath in. "Zad? Will you come in here for a second," she sounded almost panicked, but she could deal with this better if she had him by her side. She turned her gaze back to the angel again shortly after, feeling her heart skip a few beats ahead. They had been the rocks in this, also wanting to be the ones making sure their younger sibling had a shoulder to cry on if they needed to. And with their father being god knows where, Laila and Zadkiel had taken on the parent roles in the family. Laila didn't take her eyes from the person looking like her mother.

Fold. Fold. Bend. Turn. Fold. Add to the pile.  Laundry wasn’t foldning itself, and since the twins and Tien wasn’t the best at doing this by themselves, and Cecilia and Laila had dinner to do, Zadkiel did the laundry. He had even successfully gotten Tien to help him, trying to teach her how to fold everything perfectly. It was in no way a success. She seemed way to tired to care. But she tried, and he didn’t want to pressure her more than he had already done.
Laila called from the kitchen and he looked over his shoulder towards the kitchen, unable to see what was going on. “Just a moment,”  he called, before he looked at his little sister with a soft smile, making sure she was going to be alright alone. The bleached girl just nodded, with her eyes locked on the laundry. Numb.
He then hurried out to the kitchen, believing there was something he needed to help with. A spider, something on the highest shelves. While his feet moved, he could feel something was off. The cold dead feeling that had been hanging all over the house had changed. Something holy and forgiving hung seemed only to get strong as he approached the kitchen. He turned around a corner, and just like Laila, he froze by the sight of his mother, right next to Laila. It was not the same aura she carried. Something was not as it should be. Slowly he let his hand grab Laila’s for a short comforting hand-hug. Whether if it was comforting her or himself, he didn’t know. Slowly he started approaching, whispering: “Mum?”  Just like Laila, he didn’t want the youngest siblings to run out here hoping for some miracle. Laila, Cecilia and Zadkiel had to be sure that it was indeed Eden standing in front of them and not an imposter.

Laila breathed out that it wasn't just her seeing this. They were all confused, and the angel had no idea how they were going to handle this. Then she confessed. Hard to process was an understatement, the thing her mother told them sounded crazy, insane and beyond impossible. So, God had given their mother a second chance, but not forgiven Seraphina for killing someone by accident? But they merged their mother with some ancient archangel, what kind of cruel joke was that? Laila stood there completely breathless as she started shaking her head a bit. The room was silent, she wished she didn't have to believe it was like this. How was her mother back, yet not back at all. Laila already felt guilty for not being able to protect her younger sisters from the horror they had seen that night. Their father had left with Kemuel, because he had a hard time. They were all having a bad time, and Laila even recalled yelling at her father as he had left the house with Kemuel.

Cecilia took a sharper breath in, while running her hands through her hair on the next exhale. It was far more to process than she was capable off at the moment, and yet she managed to take the information in just like any other day. The visions made sense now, all the small glimpses she had seen, where she had thought it was just missing Eden that had manifested something in her mind. "How did this happen?" Cecilia finally managed to speak and licked her lips slightly skeptical. Yes, it was remarkable if God had brought her back, why hadn't Remiel said anything to her when she saw him few weeks ago? Prepared her, said anything so she could have prepared the kids. Cecilia had grown to feel responsible of these kids, their wellbeing and they were all holding on the best they could.

Zadkiel awaited an answer, but it seemed like there was no real connection or missed feeling. His mothers figure just stood there for a moment, unable to speak. It was almost as if very emotion he had felt lingered in his tummy and he feared that every emotion would be barfed up, shocking everyone.
She  apologized and Zadkiel felt his heart sink a bit. This was not his mother. Not completely. If it had been his mother, she would’ve taking them in with open arms – right? Knowing that they all needed her. As any mother, they were all-knowing of their children’s emotions and what they were going through. He hadn’t been there when Eden had passed away and he had regretted not telling Eden more in depth how he loved her – and not just the everyday I-love-you-mom.

I’m a new angel, created by God. Zadkiel could almost feel his jaw hit the floor, even though it stayed perfectly in place and he nodded softly. Soft expressions. It was a lot to take in. It seemed like God had made his favorites, Eden being one of them, and Seraphina being the black sheep.
That smile. It brought up so many memories from getting stories read out loud. It pained him to see it, not that this wasn’t completely Eden, as she explained herself. Their mother, but also the archangel Zadkiel. It was weird how Zadkiel had been named after the angel that Eden now was merged with. He frowned slightly, wondering how it all made sense, and it seemed like she tried to make sense of it all too.
“Can you stay?” he whispered slightly pained, not really knowing if it would be smart to have their mother around with Seraphina and Tien so devasted from the event.

Cecilia breathed out watching Eden walk over to Zadkiel and hesitated to embrace him. The human had no idea what was going on if it was just a piece of her imagination or her abilities playing with her mind again. But, no, it was real. Eden was here. Back. Alive and kicking. It was heartbreaking to watch, but it was just as painful watching Zadkiel and Laila's expressions. Cecilia folded her lips slightly already knowing the storm was under raising. She knew what was coming, and she also knew there was no stopping it, they shouldn't stop it. But the human also had her phone ready, because if the storm first hit, she would need Luke here to help her calm it down again after - and hopefully the storm wouldn't break to much on the way.

Laila looked at her mother and took a sharper breath in. "I know, we know," the angel replied, of course Laila would never blame her mother for this. It wasn't her fault and looked shortly at Zadkiel. "This was beyond your control," she whispered. Then again, she wondered, how long had she been back for. A bitter taste formed in Laila's mouth. So, their mother had been brought back to live, even merged with an archangel - but her little sister had been defending herself and by accident taken a life, and God had punished her for the act. God clearly had his favorites. "- I" Her voice was cut off when she saw the silhouette of Seraphina on the stairs on the way down.

"Mum?" the voice so fraigle and low sounded as she took the final step down the stairs to the living room. Her eyes wide and so confused about what was going on. Her eyes searched to Zadkiel, then Laila and then Cecilia to get confirmed that they were seeing her as well. But it wasn't her. The aura was so strong and bright it almost burned her skin to be too close. Why was this angel wearing her mother's skin? Was it some sick kind of joke? Her heart felt heavy in her chest, and the sight knocked all air out of her. The fallen angel started shaking her head a little bit taking a step back. "You can't be here," she whispered feeling the tears filling up in her eyes. "No. I saw you. You died. You died," Seraphina mumbled to herself, still shaking her head in disbelief. "Sera, take a deep breath," Laila tried to say calmly looking at her pained younger sister. But even then, as she closed her eyes shut and took a sharp breath in, all she could see was how her mother's wing was ripped off, the spear that pierced her, see her fall to the cold ground. The intense agony that had haunted her ever since that day.

Seraphina couldn't even look at her mother, and dismissed any chance, not wanting to be met with the flashbacks from that night again. They already haunted her enough on their own. Seraphina could feel the energy field around her start to spread, pushing everything around her away, making paintings and mirrors to fall from the walls. Glass shattered on the ground from the mirror, making her jump slightly at the scare. The tears finally started to roll down over her cheeks. "Don't," she lifted her hand up telling them not to come any closer, she didn't want to risk hurting them. "Just don't," she closed her eyes shut and took a sharper breath in, feelin the tears stick her eyelashes together. Seraphina breathed out and opened her eyes, her heart was racing faster and faster. Laila dared to take a step closer, "I said don't!" She raised her voice, extending her field to push the three angels a bit back. Her tear filled eyes finally locked on her mother, or the person who looked like her mother.

She didn’t know how this had happened nor how understood it. It was clear it was frustrating not to know the answers to these difficult questions. Even Zadkiels question made tears glide down her cheeks. It was painful to watch their strong mother, with this strong aura, cry. He had never liked to see her cry. He never liked to watch people cry. He was both happy and sad that she could stay. He had missed her, and the burden of her death had caused so much trouble. But Tien and Seraphina wouldn’t be ready for this. No way. She approached and felt conflicted. He wished to be comforted by her, but something in him also told him that is all of this was wrong. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her that everything was going to be alright – but he couldn’t, because he certainly didn’t know if this would make any difference. Zadkiel didn’t pull back when she approached but stood still. The fact that she stopped pained him a little. “We know,” he said almost synchronized with Laila. None of this was her fault, but it didn’t make it easier that she was back. Zadkiel wanted to reassure their mother about it, but it seemed like something was happening, since Laila stopped her own sentence.

Zadkiel twisted his body when he heard Seraphina to look at her. This wasn’t good. He didn’t want her gone, but she certainly wasn’t ready to see this. It was too soon. “Sera-” he stopped himself, knowing that it was too late anyway. Tears started to fill up in the youngest eyes, and he wished to rush towards her to comfort her – to make her feel safe, but he also knew that it could be risky now. If he should’ve done a difference, he had had to be faster. Too slow. Laila, who stood closer, tried to comfort her, guide her. But it didn’t seem like it worked. Thing started to fall of the walls, scaring Seraphina.
Don’t. Just don’t.
He knew himself that she needed time when she spoke those words, but it didn’t seem like Laila was patient enough and dared to step closer. With that they were all pushed away, and the door to the laundry room shut. It made Tien look lazily over her shoulder before she returned her numb stare to the laundry. She couldn’t do anything to help Seraphina when she was like this, besides it seemed like they were all together. Cecilia, Zadkiel, Laila and Seraphina. They had control of the situation, right? With a sigh she grabbed another pair of socks to fold in the closed laundry room.

She just needed it to be quiet. She just needed to gather herself and her powers, but her peace was stopped, even if it was by the purest intentions. Seraphina's tear-filled eyes looked at her mother as she spoke. I was brought back, the fallen angel started shaking her head again, completely forgetting all the tools Lucas had taught her to calm herself down, in case she felt everything became to hard to handle. "No," she stated and licked her lips, folding them together as she took a deeper breath in through her nose. "You don't know," she then spoke a bit harsh. Her years running down her cheeks like an endless waterfall, just steaming down those pale cheeks. She hadn't been spending a month almost glued to the floor, feeling sick of sadness and grief. She hadn't been drowning herself in guilt and self-hatred over being the course of her mother's death, for her to suddenly just standing here in the living room. It wasn't fair. Seraphina had spent so much time working on healing her wounds, trying her best to heal them and now they were just for what? Nothing? It felt like her pain had been for nothing, that the last month had been worth nothing other than some sick game played by God. "You have no idea how it's been. This is wrong," Seraphina raised her voice, she never raised her voice. "Because you weren't here!" The fallen angel yelled, as the tears violently ran over her cheeks, and the glass pieces around her got pushed further away from her. Her powers making sure nothing came too close to her. She had always been the silent kid, who just did as she was told and went along with everything - the easy child that never complained. "Sera, that's not fair," Laila corrected her youngest sister, only meeting a set of darted eyes from Seraphina. Not even Laila had seen Seraphina this upset before.

Overwhelmed was the light version of putting this. She was done. Her father had left shortly after her mother had died. Not that her father had granted her much attention after her fall, and everything expect from Ryan had seemed to fall apart. It was only because of Cecilia and Lucas that the household worked, everything else just seemed to fall apart. Fall completely apart. They had all finally started healing just a little bit. Just a little bit, and this wasn't healing. Far from. It was a reminder of the horrors of that evening.

It was utterly devastating seeing Seraphina reacting like that, and Cecilia knew it wasn't her place to do anything right now. But she wanted to be there, because in this past month, all she had been able to think about was these kids and there was nothing she wouldn't do for them. "Seraphina," Cecilia spoke in a lower voice, "it's okay, we are here," she took a smaller step closer. The fallen angel looked over at the human, before rushed over there into the arms of the human. Cecilia almost fell back by the rushed embrace, but she placed her arms around Seraphina to calm her down. Comforting her. Looking over at the other's knowing how dearly she wasn't the one in the room who wanted to do this the most, and it pained her to know that Seraphina was seeking comfort here rather than with her mother. But right now, Cecilia's focus was on Seraphina. At least till her power's warned her that Tien would turn to the group sooner than expected.

It was like Seraphinas feelings were rubbing off on Zadkiel. He truly felt her emotions. She had been so devastated from seeing her mother die right in front of her, that seeing her being back didn’t feel fair. He didn’t know her emotions, but he felt them. He could imagine that it was painful. Her words rung in his body, and the emptiness Seraphina seemingly had felt, Zadkiel now felt – right where his heart was. It weighed him down, but there was nothing he could do, now that he was standing do far away from his dear sister. Once again Laila complained, and it made Zadkiel want to cover Laila’s mouth. He knew that Laila had been in pain too, but it was nothing like the pain the younger girls had felt. Not even Zadkiel himself felt as bad as they did – or that was what he told himself. Though Zadkiel had been there for all of his sisters as much as possible, he had never seen Seraphina like this.
Then Cecilia tried, saying words that could be both good and bad, but it was enough to make Seraphina run to her. Embracing her. It was difficult to watch, because all of them wanted to comfort her, Eden probably more than the rest. But Seraphina clearly didn’t want to be near her, which was why Zadkiel somehow felt like it was okay that Seraphina didn’t choose Laila or Zadkiel, because both of them stood close to Eden.
___

Fold. Fold. Fold. Push to the side. Repeat.

The shirt she had just folded landed on the floor next to her, making her look down and hearing Seraphina shout. She picked up the shirt and put it lazily on the counter, all curled up. Slowly she walked barefooted to the door before her eyes caught onto glass shards being pushed into the room. With not much thought she opened the door to see Seraphina rush into the living room and slowly she approached, not giving much thought to the glass shards. When she finally stood to the opening to the living room she looked inside the room. Her whole figure was slouched and she only wore a loose t-shirt and checkered loose pajamas pants. Her eyes glanced over the room. Seraphina, Cecilia, Laila, Eden and Zadkiel. Nothing new. She shook her head as if they were all crazy before she turned on her heels and started walking towards the stairs. These drugs were messing with her mind. Seeing her mother stand there in the middle of the room.

Cecilia watched as Tien stepped into the room, looking at her shortly. The times her and Luke had discussed whether they should get Tien somewhere she could get some help, then again, it wasn't their choice to make, and Cecilia didn't want to push Tien out where she couldn't swim, that girl was already out in the deep and it was a matter of time before she realized she couldn't reach the ground. Cecilia just begged that she would be there to catch her before that happened. Right now, it had been important to keep the family as much together as possible, and Seraphina had been lucky to have Ryan come over so often as he did. It however, just made Cecilia's heart break even more for Tien. Cecilia took a sharper breath in as her hand stroke the fallen angel's hair gently. It never felt good to feel like you were taking something from someone, and she hoped Eden understood that it wasn't her intention to replace her in any way. Seraphina just stood there collecting herself in the embrace of the human.

Laila looked at them, looking at Tien walking up to her room and she wanted to follow her. But she waited for a moment. If anything, she just would like to make sure that she got some sleep or at least didn't do anything stupid, as Laila would say. Laila hadn't spent as much time in the house for years as Zadkiel had, he knew their younger sisters better than she did. But it was first now that she felt it a bit more as he seemed more affected by Seraphina's behaviour than she did. Laila had always been close to her parents, always, and then suddenly in the beginning of the year - everything had changed. Everything kept changing, but she didn't deal with it, she lived on a wave that just went along with every flow coming her way. "Dad left," she whispered, mostly to her mother. Not sure that Zadkiel would approve of her serving the facts instead of packing it in. Either way, it was the truth, and it could help her understand why Seraphina also was reacting so emotionally. "With Kem, he isn't here." She informed and looked at Zadkiel with a 'what?'-expression.

Tien’s footsteps slowly disappeared upstairs, and Zadkiel could almost feel how his feet was burning to run after her and see if she was okay. He had been standing beside her while during laundry, and he knew that she was quite far gone, but he was unsure Tien had actually registered the presence of their mother. After all Tien probably didn’t feel the aura like everyone else. She just existed, would be a thing she would say herself.

Everything was silent for a moment, as they watched Tien and suddenly it seemed like his mother had to sit down. Though she was good at hiding it. He walked closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping that she would allow herself to sit down. Dad left.
Zadkiel immediately looked from Eden to Laila. What was she doing? His eyes were wide, clearly trying to quietly tell her to shut her mouth. With Kem. He isn’t here. She wasn’t going to hand it nicely to their mother. She just smacked it into her face, like their mother wasn’t already feeling overwhelmed by her youngest daughters’ reaction.  He gave his mothers shoulder a slight squeeze, looking down at her. “If it wasn’t for Cecilia and Lucas the girls would’ve been all alone,” he added. He looked up at Cecilia with a thankful expression. They had been such a big help and had really eased a lot of stress for Zadkiel. He was quite sure that without them all of this would have been a whole lot worse.

If it wasn’t for Cecilia and Lucas the girls would’ve been all alone, Cecilia looked up and locked eyes with Zadkiel for a moment. Cael had left, of course that topic would have been brought up at some point, not that she had thought it would have been this soon. Laila had been so angry that day, so had Cecilia, she had felt like a lioness growling to protect her lion cubs from danger. Her eyes met with Eden, who looked up towards her, and thanked her. Cecilia didn't need a thank you, but it was still appreciated. She had after all lost Eden as well, they had all understood the loss and been aware of who they had lost. Lucas might not have known Eden, but he knew some of the kids from the academy, which had been very helpful as well. Cecilia gave Eden a small nod, they could talk about this later.

Laila slightly became aware that her words had been a bomb more than anything else. She just wanted her to know, what had happened, so she could understand why everything was such a mess - but of course there had been a lot more ways to do so. Zadkiel was right however, Cecilia and Lucas had been the rocks this family had clinging onto since that day. Seraphina and Tien had needed that. Of course, Zadkiel and her had needed it as well, but they were far more resilient than their younger sister. "I'm sorry," she apologized to her mother for being so straight forward, and she folded her lips together as she took a sharper breath in. Laila was known for her foot-in-mouth disease, always making some tactless remarks, so it was natural for her to apologize for her being blunt. The aura seemed to fade a little, feel less strong but also just confirming to her that her mother wasn't gone, so she reached out for her, wanting to embrace her but also hesitated not sure if she wanted it.

The fallen angel looked a little over at Zadkiel, Laila and her mother, still holding on to the human as if she let go, she would break. She could feel the strong aura fade, it didn't scare her as much anymore. Seraphina had never been near such strong aura since Remiel, and Azrael had taken her mother from her. And back then she hadn't paid attention to it, so it had freaked her out. Seraphina looked so fatigued and fragile in the human's embrace, like a koala holding onto the nearest stable thing, this being Cecilia. Seraphina seemed to settle more and more, so Cecilia just held the shorter angel in her embrace while she calmed down. "You can stay for dinner if you want?" She suggested to Eden and gave her a warm smile. Then she looked down at Seraphina, "wouldn't that be okay?" Her eyes locked with the fallen's green eyes and Seraphina gave a slight nod. Then they perhaps had a chance of figuring all this out. But it still left Tien as the only one not knowing yet. Or at least the only one not having realized what was happening in the living room.