Fiction or reality

What the hell was he doing? Why was he even allowing the possibility of being with someone else arise? He shouldn’t have gone up here with her. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. He was being stupid and selfish. He had to do right by Lea and Ash. He took the cup and took a sip of the warm liquid. He was not like this. He was not one to play with people’s emotions. He had to tell her. He was just afraid she would already resent him for allowing it to come this far. He hoped she wasn’t. Ricky tried to find the right words, but nothing seemed to be right. He nodded when she explained it was not her place. ”He must be a good person to let his ex and her sister stay here,” he said. Would he be as good an ex when Lea broke up with him? He doubted it. ”Ash, I’m sorry,” he said and put the cup down. He took in a deep breath and looked at her. ”I shouldn’t have come up here. I have a girlfriend. She lives in Canada and I don’t know.. I just messed up. I shouldn’t have strung you along.” He sighed and shook his head. ”I don’t know what I’m doing.” He had always known he would never be the kind of person to cheat and here he was so close to do that exact thing. He watched her carefully to try and predict her reaction. Hopefully she hadn’t seen him as anything but a friend, then it wouldn’t hurt. He just had something gnawing at his stomach telling him he was wrong in being hopeful. ”I’ll leave if you want me to.”

It made more sense now. He would house his ex any time if she had his child. He noticed how she didn’t look up, causing him to think she would ask him to leave shortly. He didn’t agree with her. It wasn’t alright. He should have never put himself or her in this situation. Nothing had happened, but the mere implication that something could’ve was bad enough. He felt cruel. He felt like he had taken advantage of her in some way. Maybe he was blaming himself too much, but he was not a liar or someone who kept secrets. He was honest. At least he tried to be. He didn’t feel very honest today. ”No I know. I think we just need to clear the air, y’know? I would like for us to be friends,” he said with a weak smile.
Ricky did find her attractive. He just couldn’t let it be anything more than that. He didn’t want to leave, so if she didn’t want him to, he would stay. He shook his head. ”Never,” he said in a lowered voice. ”I want you to know you can count on me. I’m not going anywhere. Unless you have a dog – I’m allergic.” He let a weak chuckle leave his lips in hope of it lifting the mood a little. ”Sure,” he responded as she suggested a movie. He followed her from the kitchen into the living room. He stood quietly behind her. Eventually he moved closer to help her pick one. ”What about this one,” he said and pointed at one of them. He loved Jurassic Park. He turned his head towards her, but quickly stood up straight when they were getting a little too close. He took a step away as casually as possible, but it was not very smooth. She might have noticed.

Ricky couldn’t help but think she wasn’t as okay with it as she claimed to be. She just moved into the living room without saying anything. He stood back, feeling like he had messed up. He should have told her sooner. He shouldn’t have gone up with her. There were many things he should and shouldn’t have done. He couldn’t change that now. He just needed to try and make it better from now on. He ran a hand through his hair before taking the cup into the living room. ”Okay.” So scientists were not a topic to bring up. She chose IT. He wasn’t sure that was the best choice either. ”Are you sure we should watch that? It has some strong themes,” he told her. He just wanted to avoid her watching something that would trigger her in any way. Ricky no longer knew how to be around her. He was careful to not do or say anything wrong. He felt like he already had wronged her by not telling her about Lea before now. ”It’s a great movie,” he then added. He wouldn’t mind watching it again, but not if it would be a bad experience for her. He sat down in the couch and took small sips of the coffee. He shouldn’t be drinking it this late, as it would undoubtedly keep him up tonight. Then maybe he could get some homework done. He was hopelessly behind as always.

Ricky wouldn’t do anything. Whether he wanted to or not didn’t matter. But he did. The attraction between them was becoming clearer and clearer for each moment they spent together. He would be a fool to ignore it and a jerk to act on it. It felt like he couldn’t win no matter which course of action he took. He just had to remember that even if Lea wasn’t here, she had still been there for him when nobody else had. She had been and still was the only person who knew all of him. He had told her everything about himself. Betraying her would be a mistake he would never forget himself for. He had promised not to leave and he wouldn’t, but he couldn’t help but think it might be wise to create a little distance between them. Despite that, he stayed in the couch, drinking his coffee. He scratched his hair when she asked a question. He thought she might be referring to someone in the movie. Of course, it wasn’t. She wanted to know about Lea. Where was he even going to start? ”She is one of the kindest people I have met,” he started thinking back on their first meet. ”I was 15 when we met the first time. I was tasked with taking care of my younger sister. She wanted to go to the playground. When we got there, there was so many children. My sister began playing. I was stupid enough to not pay attention to her and instead look through my phone. When I looked up, she was nowhere to be found.” Ricky held a short break. He couldn’t help but smile thinking of her. ”Lea saw my despair and helped me look for her. We were friends for three years before she admitted she liked me. She had never told me because I had another girlfriend through most of our friendship. She didn’t want to put me in a situation where I had to choose.” He was apparently not as kind as she was. He was trying to be. He wanted to be someone you could trust and count on. So far he wasn’t doing a good job with Ash.

It seemed she changed her mind about the movie. He was okay with just talking with her a while. He watched movies so often, it would be needed change to actually just sit with someone. He looked at nothing particular when he told of Lea. She was special to him. Before they even became romantically involved, she had been his best friend. He thought that was the perfect start for a relationship. They already knew each other, so not much should come as a surprised. He turned his head towards her and saw how she pulled her legs into the couch and rested her head on the knees. He couldn’t help but smile. She looked so innocent when she sat like that.
He pushed his hair back. It really had a life of its own. He looked away from her again so he wouldn’t stare. Her question made him think of the first time he and Lea had expressed their love for each other. It wasn’t a big deal. To him it just sort of happened. Instead of thinking he liked things about her, it turned to love. He just didn’t know how to tell her. They were out to dinner when Lea said she loved whoever had made the meal. Ricky had then said he would need to make it to make her love him too. Her next words were so clear in his mind almost as if it had happened the day before. ‘You don’t need to, I already love you.’ It had been so casual just like they were. He had said it back instantly. ”Every time I talk with her,” he said looking at her again. Ricky could see something was bothering her. ”I usually talk a lot, so if you ever have something to say, I can listen too.” A soft smile spread on his lips. He just wanted her to know he would listen if she had something she needed to talk to. Although he would fully understand if she wouldn’t trust him just yet.

Ricky furrowed his brows a little by her question. Of course, he meant it. ”I do,” he just said. He didn’t use those words lightly. Not everyone got to hear him say it, but when he had said it once, he would say it again often. He just nodded when she showed she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to talk about it. He was not going to pressure her. It seemed to be something bad, considering her reaction to it. He shook his head. ”You didn’t disrespect me,” he told her. As he looked at her, he felt a knot in his stomach form. She had been through something horrible that made her react like this. It was unfair something so young and innocent should ever be dealing with anything painful. He couldn’t help her by letting her tell about her experiences, but maybe he could help in another way. He moved closer to her. He put his arm on the back of the couch behind her head. He placed his other hand on her lower arm, stroking it slowly. He wanted her to know he could be here for her however she needed. It was maybe strange to take such an interest in something he had just met, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed someone in her life. Someone that could make her laugh and be there with a tissue when she cried. Maybe she already had that in her sister. Maybe he was just a strange guy who was trying to be something to her she didn’t need. ”You don’t have to apologize for anything. You have done nothing wrong,” he assured her, his hand still stroking her arm.

Ricky tightened his jaw slightly when a whimper left her lips. It angered him that this girl who was so sweet and shy should have to go through anything bad. He looked at her when she leaned against him. He placed one hand on her back and the other on his own thigh. He just held her close. He wanted to protect her from the whole world, but the reality was he probably couldn’t protect her from anything. He would try and most likely fail. He was no match to the supernatural species. He did his best to not appear angry, but he thought it was so unfair anything had to feel like this ever. He knew it was impossible to avoid feeling sad, but this wasn’t just sad. It was something bigger. ”I don’t know if that’s true or not. I do know that we all make mistakes and do things we come to regret. It’s a part of life. All we can do is find a way to live with it. It’s not easy, but I have to believe it’s possible.” He didn’t know what else he could do than hold her. He had little experience in situations similar to this. He didn’t know how to comfort someone. He tried, but what could he say or do that would ever make her feel better. All he knew he could do was sit here for as long as needed it. He didn’t care about curfew or school. It was more important to him that she was safe and as okay she could be right now. ”I’ll stay right here,” he whispered against her hair.

Ricky had never broken his heart. Not really. The girlfriend he had before Lea was someone he cared about, but he wasn’t in love with her. He had only ever been in love with Lea. Hopefully he would never feel his heart break. He couldn’t even imagine what it felt like. He knew Lea would understand if he missed a few calls. He would never tell her anything Ash might tell her, but he would say that he met someone he wanted to help. She would and had done the same. That was why the worked so well together. They both understood that being apart sometimes would not mean they were drifting apart. He looked at her when she pulled her head away. Her eyes looked like a reflection, blank and shiny. They were beautiful.
He was fighting it but being this close to her he felt the attraction stronger than ever. He tried to convince himself she didn’t need a boyfriend but a friend. Someone who would never leave. Maybe it was just him, but a romantic relationship was often more fragile than a friendship. You had more to lose. He just wanted to be someone she didn’t have to worry about losing. He kept looking into her eyes when her hand found its way to his cheek. It felt like his stomach was turning when she touched his lip. He was in over his head. It was so tempting to just lean forward and kiss her. He moved his head a little closer. Her words made him halt and move his hair back again. He blinked a few times to keep himself in check. Things made more sense now he knew she had lost someone she cared for or maybe even loved. He moved the hand placed on his thigh towards her hands, embracing it with a gentle grip. He had nothing to say. Nothing he said would make it better for her. But he had to say something, didn’t he? He couldn’t just sit here like an idiot and look at her. He was afraid he might begin to treat her like something fragile. He never did such things on purpose; he just didn’t want her to hurt because of something he said or did. He moved the hand from her back and used it to move away some of her hair so he could see her face better. ”I wish I could say something that would make it easier,” he admitted not taking her eyes off her.

Ricky had no experience that could help him understand what she was going through. His life had been fairly normal this far. He had never lost anyone, never experienced tragedy in any way. He was lucky in that way. He had learned that when he came here to Gaia and heard other people’s stories. Murder, kidnaping and violence was a normal thing he. He was the different one having no powers or special talent. He was just Ricky – the human. There’s a name for a biography. He would lie if he didn’t enjoy being close with someone. The friends he had made here was not much into cuddling. He had always done that with his female friends back home. He didn’t put anything into it. Not necessarily. Luckily Lea knew this, as she had once been one of the friends, he was affectionate with. However, he also knew she was not always comfortable with it.
He could feel his heartbeat increasing whenever they had a moment. He tried to slow it down. He wanted to be her friend. Just friend. That was how it had to be. How stupid he was for thinking he would stop feeling like he did. He could stop himself from going further, but he couldn’t ignore how his body reacted to being close to her. He smiled when she laid her head on his shoulder. He put his arm on the backrest again and the other on her knee. He enjoyed how her finger moved along his jaw. It was comforting. He did as she requested and didn’t say anything. Instead he just sat there with her, watching his chest move up and down in a slow movement. Without thinking about it, he began humming a soft melody.

Ricky tried to not label people or relationships. He was usually very open with how a relationship could evolve. However, he did feel the need to put a label on what he was to Ash. He was trying to do what was best for all parties involved. A friendship was what he thought they both needed right about now. It would maybe become a little challenging at times. He had few people in his life he could sit with like that. In silence with no words or noises. They didn’t need a tv to play in the background or music playing. He was feeling more relaxed with her right here, than he had for a long time. He lost track of time. He was usually always aware of the time, constantly checking his phone. He felt freer in a way. He heard how her breathing changed, grew heavier. He didn’t feel the need to remove her, so he just let her be. He rested his head against his arm slowly growing more tired as well, eventually not able to keep his eyes open anymore.

Ricky didn’t sleep in the most comfortable position, but he still managed to sleep throughout the whole night only waking a few times. He could sleep everywhere. He was slowly beginning to wake when she did. He woke fully when she moved away from him. He rubbed his eyes and moved his shoulder that was a little sore from the awkward position. He pulled forward his phone from his pocket when he heard and felt it vibrate. He looked at the screen and saw a picture of Lea with her name. He then looked at the time. It was around midnight for her, making him think something might be wrong. He looked at Ash with a smile. ”I’ll just be a second,” he said and accepted the call. ”Hey,” he said into the phone. Lea had been worried when he didn’t call her after work. ”Yeah I know. Sorry. I was with a friend and we fell a sleep.” Of course Lea wanted to know who this friend was. ”Someone new. Listen, I’ll call you l…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence before she hung up. He sighed and put away his phone again. Lea had never been the jealous type before, but being this far apart did take a toll on their relationship. It was worse for her than him. He missed her, of course, but he wasn’t jealous or afraid she would be with someone else. ”Sorry about that,” he said showing his Canadian accent when saying the word ‘about’. He had a few hours before he had to be at the academy for breakfast. He would most likely get a detention for staying out all night.

Ricky didn’t think she had anything to be sorry about. He could have left, but he stayed. He just wanted to make sure she was okay before he did. He didn’t say anything. What could he say? That she shouldn’t be sorry? It wasn’t going to stop her from feeling that way. He noticed the husky quality of her voice. It was something different he hadn't heard before. He liked it. He nodded by her suggestion. She moved to the kitchen and he picked up the phone to call her again. She didn’t pick up. Not right away at least. Just before the call went to voicemail, she accepted the call. ”I’m sorry I missed the call,” he said. Her voice was different when she said it was okay. She sounded sadder. ”What’s going on? Are you okay?” She didn’t say anything, she just sobbed into the phone. ”Lea, you’re scaring me.” He could barely hear her words through her tears. But he heard. It all made sense now. ”What?” He just had to be sure he heard her right. I cheated on you. He couldn’t mishear it twice. He covered his eyes, unsure how he was supposed to handle this. He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t just talk to him. Was he really such a bad boyfriend she needed someone else, or was it because he wasn’t around? He tried to come up with reasons for why this had happened. ”I…” He sighed and bit his bottom lips a moment. ”I need some time.” She sniffled and said she understood before he ended the call. He might understand heart break now. He turned towards Ash. His eyes were the blank ones this time. He didn’t know how to process this. Was he supposed to break up with her? Was it something you could fight through? He didn’t know anything anymore.

Ricky needed answers. He was making up a lot of things in his head, all the reasons why Lea could possible have done it. Maybe he was not giving her not attention. Could it be his fault? He felt like he had taken a blow to the stomach, like all the air had been forced out of his lungs. He saw how Ash’s lip was quivering. He wanted to talk with her about it, to tell her what had really happened. She might do as him and think it was her fault. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t say anything without breaking. He just stood there when she put her arms around her. He took a deep breath in and put his hands on her back. His breathing was surprisingly calm. He was still trying to figure out how he felt about this, what he should do. He sighed against her hair. He felt like an idiot. He should have known something was going on. Then maybe he could have talked with her about it. He was just so stupid. He found himself pull forward a slight smile when she played with some of his hair. He didn’t want to let go of her. He felt a comfort in her arms he very much needed right now. ”I know,” he whispered into her hair. He should get back to the academy, but school was the last thing he wanted right now. He pulled away from her. He had to eventually, so why not now. He turned his back to her and let a hand run through his hair. ”She was scared I would cheat,” he said and bent his head forward. He almost had. But he loved her enough to stop himself. It appeared that wasn’t the case for her. ”Because she had,” he could barely get the words past his lips. He was really hurt about this. Not just because she cheated, but because she didn’t feel like she could talk with him about wanting to. If she had done that, maybe they wouldn’t be here. He sniffled when he felt some tears appear.