Part of Me [CW]

Oscar observed and listened to everything she did, and by her reaction, it only seemed to feel right to her, which he couldn’t really understand, but maybe it was because she had been saved from the experience early – and he hadn’t. She stretched her neck for him, allowing him access to all of her neck. It was almost intimidating to him, and the further down her neck he got, it was almost as if he got too insecure. She even glided her fingers into his hair and gestured him to move on. He even felt how her fingertips pressed against his skin. He stopped for a moment, clenching his jaw, almost as if he was processing what was happening. Almost as if someone flicked a switch, he started to kiss her neck with passion and greater movement. The hand on her ribcage slid down to er waist and the hand on her thigh glided up towards where her leg would connect with the hip, his thumb in quite close to her pubic area. Of course, he would still be listening to her boundaries, but for some reason, he just felt he had to speed it up – almost as if time was running from him. Was it nervosity? Why would he be nervous? He had done this a thousand times with her – why would this be any different?


Or, at least that was what he believed. He stopped everything and let his forehead rest against her shoulder like he had done earlier. “I can’t do this,” he mumbled. He removed his hands from her, and once again put the blanket between them. The most logical reason would be that he still missed Iris too much, but that wasn’t the reason. No, the slow speed he had gone with, had been for his own boundaries. He hadn’t wished for himself to touch her. He couldn’t do that yet.

She melted in his hands. Like she was a perfect fit for wherever he moved them too. In the quiet kitchen, it was only the sounds they made as the explored each other. Even if he stopped, she was very careful about her own movements, not wanting to push his boundaries as well. But as he came back with greater passion than before, it was hard not to hold back. Her legs that glided around his waist to pull him closer.

Then it stopped. Not like before, like he just needed a breather to take in what they were doing. His hands stopped moving and then the removed from her with the words he couldn’t do this. It was like he had slapped her. Her legs lost its hold of him and feel down the counter. Of course, he shouldn’t do it if he couldn’t. She didn’t want to force him to do anything. It had never been her attention, which was what made it hurt even more. “It’s okay, I’m sorry I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t have done that” she whispered pulling the blanket even further up. Not even thinking about the fact that he had kissed her, but she had asked for more after all. Closing her eyes for a moment, she tried to calm her nerves. Not that it helped, and she ended up with pushing herself down “I need some air” she announced before she walked away to get outside hoping it would help. As it felt like her heart was being crushed inside of her chest.

She had wrapped her legs around him, and it had helped him realize just how the uncertainty had been for himself. Balancing on the edge of a cliff and getting that slight push had made him realize just what he had tried to protect her from. His pain. His memories. God, he would have to work with that. He didn’t respond to her apology, because he knew they would be able to discuss it in forever. But he certainly believed that it was him who should be sorry. It had been so many years ago with her, and it still haunted him how he hadn’t wanted to but how he had buckled under pressure. How she had found him when he had lost someone dear to him and was in such a vulnerable state, that he couldn’t think clearly. Yeah, he had to work on that. She pushed herself down from the counter, and he moved for her. She told him she needed air, and he didn’t stop her from going outside. He placed both his hands on the seat where she had been sitting and inspected his own hands. He still wore both of their rings. How childish it was of him to keep it. But maybe he just was this old man who held hands with his child self? Maybe he simply held onto the past too much. He pushed himself away from the counter and moved the plate to the middle of it only to remove the pan from the stove and simply throw it back where it came from – not even washing it at all. He went to his cabinet and poured a fresh glass of blood and started drinking. When he had emptied his glass he put it in the sink and walked to the front door, to open it and stand in the doorframe. For a little while he just looked at her, whether she was walking, sitting or simply standing. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he told her before he leaned towards the doorframe and crossed his arms.

She had walked into the garden, just standing to the steps down to the grass as she looked far into wilderness of her surroundings. It was a beautiful garden, almost a hidden gem that she could hide away in when she felt that everything had become too much. And she had done that, a couple of times already. Her lungs were burning as she tried not to start crying again. That he could tell her that she was enough, and she was loved and – the tears started gliding down her cheeks again. Every hair on her body rose, as she felt a coldness take over her. God, how could she even had asked him to do more to her, when she had been his abuser.
There was a fine line between trying to build a new life and face the horrible demons that was lying in her past. Right now, she didn’t feel strong enough to do that. Forced her love, and her body on him. Never giving him a choice and now she was just doing it all over again. Time was ticking away, but for her it felt like she was standing still. The world moving and time was passing by her so fast where she couldn’t keep up. Not when she had to process over nine thousand years, or at least a good part of that, if you took away the time she had spent in her prison. You didn’t do anything wrong.
She made a small gasp for air when he told her that. She shook her head. She didn’t believe that. “But I did” she whispered, closing her eyes as she pulled her blanket closer around her body. Shielding her skin. A giant urge to just claw at her skin and throw up as memories unlocked once again almost sent her to her knees. But she kept standing, closing her eyes still not looking at him.

He kept his eyes on her. He could see how her hair had risen from her skin, trying to keep her warm. Shivers. She didn’t believe him, which made him clench his jaw. He could see how she almost made the blanket hug her, the way she pulled it closer around her body. “Letha – Letha look at me,” he said first in a sigh, and then a bit more sternly. If she turned to face him, he would walk over to stand in front of her, if not, he would use his speed to get right in front of her and look her in the eyes. “You just said that you’re not responsible for the things they did. You just told me, that you are worthy of life and it’s events. Love and respect. You are enough Letha. You are loved,” he told her, not even blinking. “Do you really think I would even attempt making food for anyone who I didn’t trust? Who I hated?” his eyes shifted a little from one of her eyes to another. “No. Good,” he declared, taking a shorter unnecessary breath. “I made you something because I care for you. Because I think that you are enough. Because I think you’re worthy of my fucking time.”
“Letha I fucking love you and I’m not going to just be standing here and watch how memories of who you haven’t been terrorize and ruin you,” He tensed his jaw, not really thinking about how he poured his heart out. “It’s me who hasn’t changed, ever. I am still mean, old Oscar who kills whoever he wants to if he feels scared or simply for fun.” He blinked a couple of times, “You, Letha, did nothing wrong”

He asked her to look at him, at first, she couldn’t get herself to do it. Which meant she just turned her head aligning it with her shoulder. Her eyes staring straight ahead before she let them glide towards him. No, she couldn’t.
Her head glided back towards the garden, but as she did, he had moved himself to stand in front of her. Now her eyes couldn’t do anything but to look into his hazel green. Much like a moss-covered stone. “Oscar” she breathed, as he started to remind her that she had just said that she wasn’t responsible for the things she had done. But if she didn’t take responsibility for it, how could she become something better? She tried to believe the words he had made her say, but she didn’t, not really. You couldn’t just delete your entire existence when getting back your memory. Loved, by whom?
Not able to pull her eyes away she kept looking in his eyes, almost hoping they would give her the resolve that he was trying to tell her to have. But the helplessness and emptiness didn’t go away. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? Let her sink down in her self-pity. Why was it so important for her to be Letha, and make sure she didn’t believe that she was the woman that had abused him? Because, she couldn’t just be Letha, she was also Revna. She was all those horrible things she had done to him, and that he had thought of her. The world stopped completely for a moment. Love you. Those words almost made her unable to hear everything else that. Her eyes fell to her hands hugging the blanket tighter around her. Only finding his eyes again when he once again told her that she hadn’t done anything wrong. For a moment she just stood there, feeling the coldness around them the light wind pulling at her still slightly wet hair. “Don't... Oscar, you can't” she whispered softly shaking her head a little, it took everything she had not just to fall into the trap of telling him that she loved him too. Because she did, she always had. Even when she had shown in the worst way possible. “I’m not worthy of your love, Oscar, and to try to differentiate between Revna and me” She needed a moment to think about how she explained it “I might have changed where you try to say that you haven’t – I’m still her, I still have those memories, I still know what I did” her left hand took ahold of the blanket and let her other find its way out of the comfort it had tried to give her. She placed her hand softly against his cheek. “You can’t just love Letha if you can’t love everything about me, and who I was, and with how you keep trying to convince me I’m not them, I don’t blame you. I can’t love that part of me either” she whispered before removing her hand from his cheek again and made sure the blanket was covering her entire body once again.

She tried to tell him to stop. But he didn’t she needed to listen to him and understand what was going on. She needed to know that he cared. She wasn’t just going to be allowed to tear herself down like that. But as he had poured his heart just a little, it was almost like she tried to shove its content back in. She didn’t feel worthy of it. Nonsense. She tried to convince him that she was still Revna. He was slowly putting pieces together and started to figure out what exactly was going on in the sweet mind of hers. He kept his mouth shut as she caressed his cheek. He could feel that he sough the comfort she tried to give him. It was odd when he had just been so cautious about doing anything just a moment ago. He grabbed her hand as she was about to remove it from his cheek to let it stay there for a moment. “I will love you anyway,” he said, not taking his eyes off her. “Every part of you. Present. Past. Future.” He was quite determined in what he had said. He wasn’t going to stop spilling his heart. “Because now that I look at you,” she furrowed his brows a little, “I can see all of you in you. Spots. Knots. Sparks,” he said and let his free hand find her cheek, “I love all of you,” he walked closer to her. His eyes now half shut. “I will just have to work with myself,” he said and leaned a little closer, being inches from her lips. “So are you going to tell me what you want?”

He would love her anyway. She didn’t understand why. She didn’t understand why he was taking her hand and pressing it against his cheek again. He had just told her that he couldn’t do what they had done in the kitchen. These mixed signals made her even more confused, but maybe it was the root of it all. They were both so turned upside down with the fact that she was her, but not really her. She had to deal with the fact that she had a past that she couldn’t change, but it should define who she was now. And he had connected the person he hated with the woman that he now loved. Her eyes glided away from his, as he kept going. Kept giving his heart to her, and she was just so afraid that she would hurt him all over again. That it would be an endless circle, that they would never be able to break.
Letha had to close her eyes as his hand touched her cheek. It was so overwhelming all of it. What did she want? Titling her head back up she opened her eyes and saw just how close he was. “I want us” she whispered softly leaning her nose against his, but she didn’t kiss him. Titling her head just a little further so their foreheads touched. “And I love you too, have been for a long time” she confessed “but you’re right, we both – need time” he had expressed it as working on himself. But what they needed, was time to figuring things out.

She wanted them. He was about to lean a little closer when her forehead leaned against his. He closed his eyes with a soft sigh. A soft smile ran over his lips as she mentioned that she had loved him for a very long time. Oh, how he knew. He knew that there had always been something, no matter which name she presented herself by. She couldn’t run from it. Though Oscar had hated both Revna and Ilene, believed that they were rotten to the core, there might always have been that slight spark – because how else could he have stayed for so long, even without the children. After all, he even remembered how they had been running around, trying to play for once as kids in the village. Some would say it was a core memory of his. Chasing after her. Laughing giggling. Falling into leaves, screaming in joy, and scaring normal kids away.

They both needed time. He let go of her hand which he had kept on his cheek, to let the other hand find her other cheek. With no warning at all, he leaned in to place his lips against hers, stepping just a little closer, so they stood almost as clued up against each other.

She could hear the wind picking up the small leaves and petals around them, as they just stood there. Leaning against each other. Finding the strength that they had once shared, before she had turned so incredibly dark and angry at everything. It was hard to sort the good and the bad. But standing like this, she herself remembered a memory from their past. Before their hearts had stopped beating and their bodies had turned cold.
A big oak tree not far from the village. Two kids, one on each side had been leaning up against the rough and hard bark. Looking up seeing how the sun was reflecting in the dark green coloured leaves. She had reached her hand up shielding her eyes from the sun small rays shining through where the leaves hadn’t grown close enough together. She had made a small crown of flowers, before she had crawled to the other side placing herself on knees in front of him. Telling him, that one day he would be her king, and she would give him the world. Placing the crown on his head with a giggle. If she had just never lost that girl, if she had been able to hold on to her.

She hadn’t even noticed that tears had been running down her cheeks again. Not before he leaned in and kissed her again. A soft gasp left her tasting the salty tears on her lips. For a moment she had leaned her head back, away from his lips. But only for a second. Then she let their lips collide again.

She pulled away, but only for a moment, before she let their lips collide again. He let his thumbs glide over her cheeks as he tasted the salty tears from her cheeks. They had all the time in the world to work on things. Nothing was going to be stopping them. He didn’t want to be stopped right now – not even by himself. Because even though he had felt the boundaries in the kitchen, he had felt the longing for her as soon as she had left. He had time and time again felt cold, whenever things had been misunderstood, rejected or simply when things wasn’t going smoothly. He wanted that warm feeling. He missed it from when they had been kids. He missed the warm hugs. He missed how he had been cheering on being let outside so he could play with the others – but especially Letha. The girl with the pretty eyes. Oscar even remembered how his father had told him, while Oscar had been in his teenage years, that he was certain that Oscar and Letha were made for each other, and that if Oscar didn’t ask for her hand, he would do it for him. He missed the talks he had had with his father.

He let one of the hands find its way around her lower back, pulling her closer. His telekinesis grabbed onto the blanket which she was still wearing. “I got it,” he whispered between heir lips, while he let his fingers run into her hair. Passion was clearly expressed through his kisses, and he could feel how some of it was contained underneath his skin. Locked away. But he knew how it would be unlocked. Just a little…

Could it be this easy? Press the reset button, and travel back to the minds of the teenagers they had been. Getting the happy ending they had deserved. Where they instead had gotten darkness, chaos, and hatred. There was no doubt in her mind that they belonged to each other. They were the sides of the same coin. The puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.
A soft moan left her lips, to let him know that she had heard that he held the blanket. Her fingers so delicately glided up his neck. Feeling the very fabric of his skin pressed against her fingertips. Gently. Oh, so gently. She placed her thumps just under his ears, her hands folding behind the back of his head. She broke away from his lips, to let her own travel to the side of his lips. Over his chin to his jaw. She removed her left hand. Slid it carefully down his shoulder, so she could place her lips just under his earlobe. A short breath left her, as she opened her eyes. Felt how her eyelashes fluttered against his skin. “Maybe – maybe we should wait?” she asked. He had been the one to stop it before, and she had no desire to push him to doing something he didn’t want.

Her hands found around her neck, and her lips traveled delicately over the side of his face until they reached just under his earlobe. She whispered to him if they should wait. He kiss her right behind her hear and towards the corner of her jaw, “I don’t want to,” he mumbled to her. With a small curl of his finger, he let the telekinesis pull up some of the blanket, just enough for his hand to get underneath it and find the skin of her back. Even though he understood why she believed it might be an idea to wait, there was something in him that told him, that if he waited, he would put his guards back up. Fear. He wanted to break down those walls. Barricades. She deserved to know that he loved every inch of her, even if it mean that she had acted different in the past. She was someone else now. His kisses started to wander down her neck and halfway down he nibbled her skin.

She closed her eyes again when he told her that he didn’t want to wait.
It did something to her, that she couldn’t quite express into words or thoughts. Wanting nothing more than to just give her entire soul and body to him. It was also what scared her, deep down what would happen if he once again would leave her. If Melanie would appear in his life once more, would she be the first choice? Or was it only because Letha had stepped in, when everyone seemed to have lost hope in Oscar could be anything other than the vicious beast that they saw. They couldn’t see the young boy, running through the forest and laughing with no care in the world. A gasp left her as his hand found her skin underneath the protection of the blanket that she was wearing. Her teeth caught her lips, and a slight hint of her vampiric appearance started to show as he nibbled along her throat.
Licking her lips, she gained a little composer. Opening her eyes, almost seeing dark spots as she had been so focused on what he was doing to her, that she had squeezed her eyes tighter than she had realised. Still with her gently movements, she took his hand. Taking a step away she let her hand find the blanket again. Turning around, without a word she started to pull him back into the house with the intention of leading him upstairs into her room.

She took his hand and removed it. For a moment, he thought that she didn’t want to continue, but as she backed away, still with his hand in hers and turned to go inside, dragging him with her, he followed. He wasn’t going to be insisting on them staying outside.
He followed her upstairs to her room. When they got inside, he was quite quick to pull off his purple pullover and when it landed on the ground, he made sure to turn her around to face him, so he could step closer and place his lips against hers. He wrapped an arm around her, and while the other hand was about to wrap around her, he made a little move with his hand, which removed her duvet.

It was like the whole atmosphere changed when that door closed into her room. She could hear how he took of his pullover. Turning around as he guided her too.
A magical moment as he stepped towards her, and their lips came crashing towards each other. It was like finding home again. It was almost like finding her oldest self. That young teenager, that had been so hopeful. That had looked at the world around her with bright blue eyes. With awe and wonder. That had talked about she wanted to see the world. The stories that she wanted to explore. The trips she would take Oscar on, on their boat as they travelled the seas. Making up stories what was on the other side of the ocean. Innocent and bright.
That was the girl she found. The real Revna. Now, she wondered how long she could hang on to her before she once again would be hit with how brutal and hateful, she had turned out.
It was almost as those memory could make her feel how her heart had beaten in her chest, the first time she had leaned in to kiss him.
“Os” she whispered his nickname between their kisses, as she let the blanket around her fall to the ground. Making her stand there, completely naked.
In the back of her mind, she remembered, not to push him. She only helped him take of his clothes, when she could feel that he was starting to. Aiding him, not doing it for him. Hoping that if he kept making the choices of how far they went, it would make it easier for him.

She kissed him back and whispered his nickname between their lips. He honestly had no idea what would be most suitable as nickname for her, even though the old nickname that he had used for her when they were kids were lingering on his tongue. He gave a simple hum to let her know that he was listening if she had anything to tell him. She let the blanket fall down, exposing her full body for him. It didn’t take his focus away. Oscar always carried extra hands, which was why his shoes was easily untied while he focused on caressing her body. Pulling her closer, grabbing onto everything he could, but in calm movements. He simply had to stand on one leg at the time to make his telekinesis take of his shoes. Even the button and the fly was opened with his telekinesis. He didn’t wish for her to hold back, but he could feel that she did so, because she had no chance of getting to help him undress when he let his ability do it, and there was something about that which seemed wrong, but it had such a little importance. His pants slid down from being quite loose. With a hand around her waist, and the other hand shortly leaving her, he leaned forward until she would hit the mattress. He shortly let her lay down alone. While he pulled the last layers off, he gave her a few featherlight kisses on the inside of her thigh, close to her knee. He crawled over her, and letting his lips meet with hers, passionately. He shortly let go of her lips to pull his head a little up to hopefully look into her eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he whispered to her. She was after all the one who had just had her son visiting for forced attempted similar act.

She didn’t even answer his question. She simply asked if he was sure. He didn’t hesitate, “Yes,” he replied back to her and leaned down to kiss her again, letting a hand travel down from her side, on to her belly and between her legs, to make sure that she would be prepared, and if not to prepare her. Pleasure her. He even let his lips leave hers for a moment before he started to kiss her down her neck as he had done outside in his garden.
He could remember how they had been as teenagers. Fooling around when they ever were allowed off duty. Sneaky away to be alone, or simply just ‘play’ very silently in his room while his father was outside cleaving wood for the fireplace or simply carving each of them a little gift. Addam had always been a quite caring man, or at least he knew where he had Oscar which made it so much easier to get a better treatment. That might have been the biggest difference for the two of them. Oscar having had a parent to care for him, while Let- Revna didn’t.

As he answered her yes. She nodded softly. “Yes” she replied on his former question before she had asked him the same back. If he was sure, then there was nothing left for her to stop this.
Letha met his lips as they came towards her once again. Her fingers finally started to explore his skin. Finding the lines and curves of it, some of it imprinted in her memory now. Knowing it so well, and yet not at all. Even though they didn’t change in age anymore. And he had told her that he hadn’t changed as she had. She could still feel it in her fingertips, as her hands travelled down his back.
As his fingers found her centre. She curved her back, letting out a moan. Her legs gliding up as her toes curled against the sheets. Eyes closed tight. Lips slightly parted. Fingers pressing its nails gently into his skin, encouraging for him to keep going. Almost as if she remembered the same memory that was fleeting in his mind. She pressed her lips together. Not making a sound, letting her head press down in the mattress instead.

He wasn’t going to be stopping this. Nothing. He was sure of it. Every inch of her body was well-known, and it only reminded him of the few pleasurable times they had had before things had been crumbling for them. Everything bad was shoved back into the furthest corner. Hearing her underneath him made him smile a little, even more how she moved. Arching her back, curling her legs up making everything more accessible for him. A slight moan was held a little back as he digged her nails into his skin. It affected him as she had planned and made him keep going. He moved hos lips closer to her ear. “I want you to feel good,” he whispered before he kissed her just in front of her ear.

My god, what was he doing to her? It was like he knew her body to perfection. Even after all this time, he still remembered every curve, and where to push to make her writher beneath him. Completely in his control to do with as he pleased, and she would be thanking him afterwards. She had missed him, now that she was here with him. She realised just how much she had. It was overpowering the feelings he managed to unluck in her heart. She remembered how it had been, before she had become so twisted by hate and darkness.
He wanted to make her feel good. She turned her head after he had kissed her, letting her hand find her cheek, motioning him to look at her as she opened her hands. “I want you to feel loved, because you are” she whispered letting her thump glide over his cheekbone. “I love every part of you, and I’ve missed you, so, so much” she said breathlessly not letting her eyes move from his.

As she lied there, her back pressed against the soft mattress, hearing that Oscar meant that she was loved too. She still noticed that he didn’t tell her that he loved her. Not in the moment at least, she understood why he hadn’t missed her. Because he had loved someone else, he had loved others. She had thought she had found it with Uriel, but then she had just thrown it away by betraying him and his brothers. A betrayal that had ended with her getting Uriel’s brother, Zadkiel killed. Maybe that had been why it was so hard to be with Zadkiel now that she remembered. Knowing that Eden was now also the man she had once killed. One of the purest angels there was. The angel of forgiveness, one of the most difficult things to do. The fact that he carried the same name, and she couldn’t help but remember what she had done, every time she thought about her now ex-boyfriend.
Even though her thoughts were a messed, Oscar till managed to make her sigh and moan in pleasure as his fingers made sure that he could connect them. She didn’t get to ask if he had protection before he started working. Her legs folded around her, and it was once quiet in her mind. For a moment she could pretend that she was whole, and this would make everything better. Her hands in his hair. Her lips craving his.

Her legs folded around him, which made it much more comfortable and pleasurable for both of them. Her fingers ran into his hair making him sigh a little more than before. He bit her lip and deepened the kiss. It didn’t even take long before the love was filled with more and more lust. His kisses got more sensual and passionate. He grabbed onto her hip to withstand his thrusts as they intensified. He didn’t mind moving her into multiple positions to make sure she felt overflooded with pleasure. He wished for her to focus on him and live in the moment. Just… Just for now.
____

He had made sure that she had reached her climax and made her ride on the hill of pleasure until he finished himself. He kissed her gently and for a longer time. With a little grunt he slid out and laid down next to her. “Shit,” he cursed, but clearly not in a bad manner. He had just been a little overwhelmed about how it had been.
He looked over at Letha and turned towards her, making the telekinesis bring the covers over them so she wouldn’t cool down too quickly. “Come here,” he mumbled and let his hand grab onto her to roll her over to lay with him. He closed his eyes with a little sigh. There was something about this that just seemed so right, even thought there was something that made it feel wrong, but he suppressed that feeling.