Walls were built to keep us safe until they're crashin down

Bash kept up the pace, but his forever observant eye never left her completely. Aleks always talking about how he just knew everything without you having to tell him, which was true and nothing Bash really bragged about. Because people often got too comfortable with their defend mechanisms, so in the end anyone who could get past the walls to the hideout was naturally an enemy. It wasn’t like he expected Tien to see him as an enemy, and it wasn’t like his profession was unknown. He turned his eyes to her as she tried to pull the black sweater over her head, but got stuck, asking for his help. Bash placed the last pair of trousers on the shelf to get his hands free, before lifting them up to get a grin on the lower part of the sweatshirt. His eyes trying to ignore the scars, yet he knew it was quite impossible. Sebastian tried his best not to give them too much attention. Bash finally managed to help her pull the sweater over her head and folded it over his left arm. ”Better?” he asked hoping it helped a bit getting that warm sweatshirt off, seeing she looked like she needed a cold breeze or anything the like. ”How about I crack a window for a second?” Bash asked and walked over to the window to open it, letting the evening air escape into the room. Sebastian knew there was a chance of Micky flying through the window, but right now it was a risk he was willing to take. One other thing he really wished for was that Tien got a good nights sleep.

Tien waited, somewhat impatient, but she didn’t say a thing. Being surrounded by the dark, stuck with her arms above her head only really brought her back to all the bad memories, making her want out of it as soon as possible. Maybe she should get a new fix soon.
Finally, she could feel how the fabric tightened a bit as he grabbed onto the sweater. It made her hold her breath, feeling a moment of insecurity. He started to pull in the sweater, and she could feel how the tanktop slid up, still being somewhat caught in the sweater. She could feel how the sweat on her body got colder as everything was pulled upward. She could feel how her right chest for a short moment was completely untouched by fabric – free for Sebastian to see. As soon as the sweater got far enough up, it unfolded where the tanktop had gotten stuck, and it fell halfway down, only covering half of her breast. Tien was used to how Judas acted and therefore, when Sebastian just folded the sweater over his arm, Tien looked straight at Sebastian, still holding her breath. As he cracked the silence, he also cracked the trail of though of how she was used to being treated. Her gaze fell to the floor between their feet, and she started to pull her tanktop down, breathing quite shallow. “Yeah,” she breathed out and corrected her hair a bit. It had been tossed around from the removal of the sweater. She nodded a bit while she corrected her hair, as a reply to his suggestion about cracking open a window. While he was occupied with that, she breathed out and her eyes traveled to the sport-drawer. Could she get some before he turned around again? She turned towards the drawers and reached for it, glancing in his direction for a moment, realizing she wouldn’t be quick enough, and grabbed onto another drawer instead and investigated its content. She let her fingers run from the middle of her forehead and down towards her cheekbone to wipe away sweat only to rub her eye tiredly right after. She picked up a shirt and tried to fold it, failing multiple times.

Bash had lost count on how many times Aleks and Lexie had told him, it was like he had eyes in the back of his head. Besides, he could see her reflection in the window, giving him plenty of signals. A guy with powers like Bash never really stopped being at work, he could always justify someone's behavior, which brought some interesting conversations along the way. He saw how she reached for one drawer, but the second he moved his shoulders a little she stopped, clearly not wanting to get busted. He needed to put a stopper to this, even if she was the one who needed to realize she needed help. Sebastian knew he couldn't force her to get better, but he could try to push her in the right direction, even knowing what he did was not without risks. Bash had to make a choice and it was whether he wanted her to get better or to keep her trust, he knew if he kept removing her pills and other drugs - he could end up breaking her trust and everything in between. Then once she was clean, she could actually think for herself again and not be influenced by the heavy cloud of needing to get the next fix. Cecilia and Lucas, along with everyone else in this house had waited for Tien to realize she needed help, and the issue was not that Tien didn't know she was out in the deep end, she just didn't want to burden anyone by asking for help.

Sebastian choose to mumble another spell focusing on removing all the drugs from the room, then he turned around turning towards her. "Can I use the bathroom, I will be real quick," he didn't really wait too long for her to answer, before he stepped out letting the same spell down over the house, taking a bit more power, but he wanted for her to not find any hiding spots. Yes, she would be angry at him, he knew that. Of course he knew that, he had read all the signs the second he had looked at her. Bash took a deeper breath in, he would rather she hated him forever than her being unwell. So, if that was the punishment for her being okay, so be it.

She looked up as he requested to use the bathroom. She blinked a couple of times, slightly confused, but allowed him pointing towards the door. As soon as he left her room she hurried and opened the sports drawer to pick up the jar of peanut butter. Her influenced mind didn’t even notice that it was much heavier than usual nor that the content didn’t make any noise. She opened the jar and immediately dipped her fingers into the jar, only to realize that her drugs were gone. Had it always been normal peanut butter?

She put the jar down on the floor and started to search for another jar. But here was no other jar. So she started to look through her books for any Ziplock bags, but every one she found was empty. It didn’t take long before a couple of book had ended up on the floor. She then hurried to her makeup table and opened her box for fake lashes. There were no pills to be crushed on her book. She then let her eyes glance towards her book, which usually were completely dusty from the powder. But it was squeaky clean. “No, no, no,” she whispered before she exited her room to see Sebastian stand in the hall. He hadn’t gone to the toilet yet. “’Scuse me,” she said and hurried into the toilet and closed the door but failing. She lifted the seat for the toilet, to find an empty Ziplock bag. She lifted the lid for the toilet water and found a big empty plastic bag. “No, no-” she hissed and didn’t even succeed to put the lid back on. She dropped herself to the floor and squeezed herself underneath the sink to find yet more empty plastic bags. As she pushed herself away from the sink she stood up and grabbed her hair on each side of her head. Then she could almost feel a small wave of clear thoughts run through her mind. Slowly she turned her head towards Sebastian, “Did you…” She took some threatening steps towards Sebastian, pointing at him. “Did you-!” she couldn’t even get the words out and she only stood in front of him, pointing, for a moment before she put her hand down alongside her body and hurried down to the entrance. She needed something. If it wasn’t drugs, then it be caffeine, smokes or alcohol. She grabbed the Jack Daniels from earlier and placed it between her skinny torso and her spotted arm while she found a cigarette from one of her jackets. She placed the smoke between her lips and tried to ignite it with the lighter she had found. She needed something.

As he had expected, she was quickly in the hallway realizing there wasn't anything to find in her room, and he let her rush out to the bathroom, also finding: nothing. Making her return to him, looking at him taking what perhaps was meant to be threatening steps towards him, but he didn't flinch nor was he sorry for his actions. Bash took breathed out as she pointed at him raising his brows a little bit, but that was the only response she got from him regarding this. Everything else would end in pointless arguments and there was no way she would sense reason with him right now either way. Then she hurried down stairs, she needed something. He just wished it was something less aggressive than alcohol and drugs. He mumbled another spell, turning the whisky to raspberry soda as he followed her down stars. The cigarette turning into a licorice pipe, and leaned up against the doorframe. "The answer to your question is, yes. And the next answer to your words is, no you don't need it. And yes, you can hate me. Be angry at me, yell at me. I just want you to get better, and I want to help you, if you let me. Will you let me?"

She flicked the lighter as much as possible and when she finally got a flame, the taste of licorice filled her mouth. She frowned at it while she listened to Sebastian talk. Somewhat frantically she killed the lighter and grabbed onto the pipe, before she quickly started to unscrew the bottle and take a sip of it, only to get a nasty surprise. She had believed it was what it should’ve been, but the soda surprised her, and she spat it out. She looked towards Sebastian and started to feel cold, like if the outer most parts of her body was starting to freeze. She tried to keep a dead face, but the lips quivered slightly. She needed to get some kind of high and right now; he didn’t help her get there. “No!” she screamed and threw the bottle towards him but being so exhausted it barely got anywhere. The bottle didn’t even shatter. She covered her eyes with the palm of her hands feeling how the burned. She couldn’t do this right now. Nothing difficult had happened, but she hadn’t put her mind to stop her vices yet. It craved a lot of work to even get there. He didn’t get it because he hadn’t been where she was right now. She leaned towards the door and slowly glided down. She shook her head, knowing that all of this was a mess, but that she didn’t feel strong enough to get out of the mess she had gotten into. God damn fucking Judas. Slowly she raised her head a bit and repositioned her hands to cover her mouth. She didn’t look at him, but just looked straight forward. “I can’t do this,” she mumbled and scratched the back of her hand nervously, restless. Her eyes looked up at him and she started to fiddle with her fingers. Her eyes red of multiple reasons. She didn’t need help. She had it under control. Completely under control.


She had nothing under control. She needed help, she just didn’t want to burden anyone. She didn’t need them to think about her all the time, whether or not if she could handle things or if the least thing would bring her back to her fucked up state. She covered her eyes again shaking her head furious of herself. “No!” she mostly yelled at herself. She needed help, and she didn’t need anything back of what he had made disappear or transformed.

Okay, perhaps it wasn't optimal or how he should do things. It was for sure not how he would do at work, but wasn't that the point. He wasn't at work anymore. It didn't mean he didn't trade somewhat careful, but the last thing he wanted was for her to get so far out that she got hurt - or worse. Sebastian took a sharper breath in, her hand covered her mouth making him take an even deeper breath in, observing once again. I can’t do this, he took a sharper breath in. Sebastian wanted to see how bad it was, but as the scene unfolded for him, he wished he didn't. If wished he didn't see ever single movement, or observed the way she restlessly moved around, scratched the back of her hand. The fiddling hands, desperate the eyes so desperate and he became more clear on just how far she was out. I want it back, of course she wanted it back. In this state she needed it more than she needed to breathe. Bash took a sharper breath in and looked at her. The last thing was he wanted was to step forward and overwhelm her by his presence, he had already taken it too far. He knew that. Awareness and feeling like everything was under control was fine, till you realized you were a mess and nothing was under control. That realization seemed to slap her hard in the face.

It was first when she started yelling at herself that he frowned a bit, taking a step closer to her. Just small steps at the time, stopping if she seemed like having him too close was anything but what she needed. "I will help you okay?" He spoke with a lower more serious voice, his eyes directed towards her, kind and assuring. "Will you let me help you?" Bash opened his arms a bit, in case she wanted to be held close.

Tien had tried to escape reality for way too long years, even. And every time he didn’t have what she needed to give herself the fix she wanted, it was like the biggest and coldest slap she could get. Though it hadn’t been that long since she had been sober for almost a month, she felt like she didn’t know and didn’t want to know how it was like to be uninfluenced. Because the highs were highs, but the lows, were so low.

She heard how he stepped closer, but her mind was too caught up on the next fix that she didn’t comment on it. He told her that he would help her, which made her stop shaking her head and gently remove the palms of her hand from her eyes. Her face was completely red of irritation, anger and overall frustration. Her body was so hot, but the sweat that had spread over her body made her so cold to touch. She looked like someone who had been screaming and crying for way too long. Fact was, she had, just internally.
He sounded so serious, but his eyes were so kind and assuring. It felt like her heart sank. She took a sharp forced breath in, only because her body screamed for her to actually breathe properly so she wouldn’t hyperventilate and pass out. He wondered if she would let him help her, which made her lips quiver. Yes. She wanted to accept the help. All of this was too much, but how could it get better? She used the drugs to feel better because life without it was so bad. She looked away for a moment. This was so bad.

She pressed her lips together realizing how she had been yelling; interrupting Seraphina and Ryan’s night. She rubbed her left eye for a moment and took another breath in. Finally, she nodded, still with her face away from him. She would try and let him help her, but she was almost sure that he knew, that it wasn’t going to be easy. Slowly gaining confidence to look back at him. She continued to nod when she finally looked at him. “I don’t get it. You’re just coming to visit and now you’ve started a fucking case to fix me” she said, somewhat sneering. It wasn’t her intention to sneer. She loved that he had dropped by. It just seemed cliché that the ‘knight in shining armor arrives to save the damsel in distress’. She was a damsel, and she was in distress, but she didn’t want to ask for help. She didn’t want help. She wanted to help herself – but he clearly took the steering wheel from her, telling her, that it was going to be now that she was going to help herself, with his support.

She wanted his help, he could see that so clearly, but overshadowed by the dark. The darkness that still tried to convince her that she shouldn't let him, the darkness holding her back. Bash hated to see her this overwhelmed, this frustrated, fueled with anger and looking more like she could hit him at any moment, and honestly he would like she did that more than hurt herself. Sebastian also knew it was a matter of time before Seraphina and Ryan perhaps would be here demanding an explanation to the yelling. She turned her head towards him again, the almost snering at him, but he didn't move his eyes away from her or change his expression at all. He was the calm shore trying to get her in from the troubled sea that had tried drowning her for far too long. "I'm not here to fix you," he mentioned and breathed out, and licked his helps a bit. "Its okay if you are angry at me, if you want to yell at me, it's alright. I want to be there for you, because you don't need to carry the weight on your shoulders alone," he spoke with a softer voice and took a deeper breath in. "I'm here. Whether you want me to or not, I am."

Even though she was mean and sneering, he didn’t move a single muscle in his face. He just took it, as if he knew she didn’t mean anything she said. He saw right through it. She made a small embarrassed grimace when he said he wasn’t there to fix her. She had to hold her breath, pressing her lips together, to not yell at him again. Why are you here then?
She shook her head a bit as he tried to convince her that it was alright that she yelled at him and hated him. She had always been raised to treat others like she would like to be treated herself – and therefore she hated yelling at people – because she knew that she hated whenever people raised their voice angrily at her. Scolding her. Sneering. She hated it.
He tried to convince her that she didn’t have to carry everything herself. It was funny how she felt like she didn’t carry much, but she just kept her nightmares to herself. All of the trauma that was only treated with drugs, drugs, and more drugs. Which was also why she felt so vulnerable whenever she was getting low; because the traumas crawled close and could reach her easier. He reassured her that he was there for her. “Okay,” she breathed out, before she stretched her arm up to him. She felt defeated and needed a hand to get up. The other hand still held the licorice pipe and soon enough she would take a bite of it, though her body still felt itchy and restless for something else.

Sebastian took a longer and sharper breath in, it was not easy. Things like this was never easy, and he knew he made his part of it look so annoyingly easy. The calmness in the storm, just waiting for whenever she was ready. The hurricane of traumas that tried to rip her apart, he wouldn't let her drown in them. Finally, she breathed out, stretching her arms up to him, and he nodded for a second. Then, walking few slow steps closer and reached out to help her back up. "I got you," he whispered softly and slowly pulled her into his warm embrace. His white shirt still covered by the make up strains from earlier. He took a deeper breath in and placed his lips on top of her hair. "I got you dove, I got you," he whispered against the the hair, closing his eyes for a short moment. He could see Seraphina around the corner, assuring her eyes his eyes that it was okay. At least it was their okay, and right now that would have to do. Bash believed in things could get better, they would get better.

He stepped closer and helped her get to her feet again. She only just got a bite of the licorice pipe when she almost felt how his arms wrapped around her and she closed her eyes. He was holding her and all of her traumas. All of the traumas she had kept for herself and would’ve kept even closer if it hadn’t been for the fact that Zadkiel had found her that day in the start of the year.

I got you.

She held her breath and felt like she melted into his arms and almost let him carry her, as she leaned into his embrace, burring her face in his shirt again. Her hands were just in front of herself, holding onto the licorice pibe. His lips were placed on top of her hair, making shivers run down her spine and arms. Her knees felt weaker and weaker by every moment that passed.

I got you, dove. I got you.

As she finally let herself breath again, it sounded raspy, as if she had been crying. But she carried it and buried it away. She was tough and strong. She could do this. She just needed rest, and hopefully the withdrawals wouldn’t hit her too hard in the morning. She definitely couldn’t get any right now, not on such a short notice, unless she wished to die – and she didn’t. Even if she did get some, she was almost sure that she would be paying for overpriced jellybeans or bubblegum if Sebastian followed her.
“I can’t st-” she tried to mumble through her raspy breathing, that she didn’t have the energy to stand. She either needed a really strong coffee or to support herself all the way to her bed – to one of the cuppas. She felt incredibly dizzy and didn’t want to open her eyes. She actually just wished to sleep, right where she was. Even though she had closed her eyes in pain and affection, she felt like sooner or later they would be closed by sleepiness.

It wasn't fair that pain and suffering felt upon others, it wasn't fair that it had hit Tien and how hard it had brought her down - as if it had been the only key to her survival. He wished to help her get better, but he also feared that if he got to technical she would end up feeling more like a patient than his friend. Bash kept his arms around Tien, feeling how she felt to struggle to keep herself up. "You don't have to, I got you," he assured her once again and took a deeper breath in, closing his eyes for a moment and just stood there with her. "How about I get you back to your room, and you can get some sleep?" He asked, picking her up in his embrace, with one arm supporting under her knees and the other behind her back, walking her back into her room. With his magic he could quickly make the bed clean and ready for her to get placed, so he could tug her in after. Sitting by the bedside, he exhaled and held her hand for a moment. Bash didn't want to leave her like this, not when he knew what was coming next - it wouldn't be pretty, far from and it was his doing, so he felt like he should at least stay. If she wanted him to. "I can stay, might just take the couch when the two lovebirds are done with the movie - if you want me to," he whispered to her, he wasn't going to push her into anything. Not even regarding him staying or going home, he could be back tomorrow morning, but he let it be up to her.

The green eyes stayed closed as he held her, telling her that she didn’t have to stand, that he got her. It was almost like when Zadkiel took care of her. She felt secure. He offered her to help her get back into her room, which she responded by nodding. She would like her bed, even though she felt restless since her body was screaming to get drugs. It didn’t take long before he lifted her into his embrace. She kept her face towards his neck and shoulder as well as possible, not wanting to see if Seraphina and Ryan were looking or not, nor did she want to see the indoor lights. They hurt sometimes.

Out of the corner of her eye, she eyed how the bed was made and cleaned. Soon she was placed in the bed, and he held her hand. She laid on her side, looking at him as he sat on the bedside. It was nice that he didn’t just leave her, not that Zadkiel had done that, but it had felt so nice that he had stayed. She looked up at him as he spoke to her. Her eyes were red and tired. “You can stay here,” she mumbled and tried to pull on a smile. Her place hand wiped her dry eye. She scooted a little closer to the wall behind her. “You don’t have to take the couch,” she said with a low, hoarse voice and with her free hand, she patted next to her on the bed, allowing him to sleep next to her.

You can stay here, he looked to her and breathed out a moment. But he flashed her a soft smile as he looked at her. Bash nodded a bit, watching her as she scooted a little making room for him. Mentioning that he didn't have to take the couch, which was fine with him, and if she was sure, then he didn't mind. Sebastian moved down and got under the covers. Bash didn't mind not taking off any of his clothing, actually he was thinking about anything else but that, and he doubt Tien was going to think of the fact regarding how tired she was. So, he just snuck under the covers, making himself comfortable. Waiting for her to slowly fall asleep before he allowed himself to close his eyes and drift off.

__________________________________
tænker out