What a promise to claim [cw]

Laying on the couch with Dean at her feet was so nice, and so different from anything she had ever felt. His warm hands always made her body go crazy, but in this moment it felt so relaxing. The movie was not one she had seen before, but to be honest she hadn’t seen that many. As he got up from the couch she looked at him with a smile, following him. Brushing her teeth she leaned against him as she did. She let go of him as he moved to the bedroom and she just got herself ready for the night. Removing the small traces of make up and washing her face clean, before she got undressed. With silent skips she went to her side of the bed and crawled under the covers, moving up close to him. Maybe it was a risky move, but she had decided to sleep naked. She held her breath as she felt her body react to his, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been in the livingroom. She pulled herself closer, kissing his lips and feeling relaxed next to him. ”Dean,” she whispered after some silence. She could hear on his breathing that he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. Her hand moved down to entangle with his and she looked at him in the dark. She hoped he wasn’t asleep yet, her other hand moving up and touching his lips. ”I … I hope you sleep well,” she whispered. She had tried to say it. Really tried, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead she snuggled closer to him and fell asleep as their bodies were tired from the long day.

The next day came before she was ready for it and she hid her face in Dean’s chest as to block out the light. She wasn’t ready to get out of bed, not when Dean was so warm and nice to cuddle up to. ”Can’t we stay in bed all day?” she whispered with a small hoarse voice from not having used her vocal cords during the night.

”And the sky is blue … Sorry, I just thought we were sharing random facts,” she whispered in teasing before their lips met. She could hear his heart and her heart matching up in heart rates. She loved him, so why couldn’t she just say it? She bit her lip as he held her closer adn they fell asleep.

She sighed at his answer and looked at him with puppy dog eyes. She wanted to at least just lay here for a bit more, so as he took a shower she simply laid in bed. Sleeping next to him was so much different than she had thought. Sure, they had huddled together in his dorm bed before, but this was different. She felt it was like that. She got up, moving slowly as she took her time. He was energetic, no point in denying that, but she sometimes wondered if he was just distracting himself. She took the other bathroom, getting herself ready for a day at an amusement park. She had never been to one, but she expected it to be crowded. She joined him in the kitchen, wearing the outfit of the day. Enid placed a kiss against his cheek as she passed behind him and grabbed some fruit that she started eating from. Taking the brochure she looked at the words describing it as a magical place of fun and excitement, turning her head as she looked at the pictures. She popped a grape into her mouth and then they were off.

The drive wasn’t far, but Enid still felt confused by it all. Inside it didn’t make any sense either, and she just stood a bit, wondering what was going on around them. His question pulled her back to reality as she looked at him with a half smile. ”I know you mean well, but I don’t know what this is?” she said confused. She had never seen anything like it. Was it a circus or a carnival? Was it for entertainment or pain? People around her seemed to be in a cheery mood, but she wondered what was going on. She took his hand and walked closer to him and looking into his brown eyes. ”How about that one?” she said, pointing on the magical map. A ride called ’Hellride’. She chuckled a bit at the name, and wondered if it would be like an actual ride to hell.

The park was big, bigger than she had imagined it to be. Walking close to Dean seemed to calm her down, but she still felt a bit out of place. He seemed to know just what to do and she followed him around, but stopping once in a while to look around her. The people around her happy and joyful, as if they were in a different world. His hand in hers, she felt like she could do anything and everything at the same time. The heavy rock music and decor made her giggle as she looked around, pulling herself close to Dean as they waited in line. She placed a sweet kiss against his lips. Part of her had wished to stay back at the home, but another part was happy that he had suggested this. She would never in a million years have chosen to do this herself. The ride on the rollercoaster was a sensation she had never felt before. It was excitement and fear mixed in one, making her body react with adrenaline and making her body shake slightly as Deaned helped her off the ride. This whole phenominon was so strange to her. People found joy in fear? In putting themselves in potentially dangerous situations? Looking at the picture he had bought, it dawned on her; she was actually his girlfriend. She could see her body so willingly leaning into the small kiss for the camera, and she had barely even noticed. He just had that effect on her. His question made her look down on her feet, still a bit shaky from the adrenaline. ”Being with you,” she said, furrowing her brows and looking up at him. It might not have been the answer he was seeking, but being with him and caring for him was dangerous, because there always was the risk of losing him. She gave his hand a squeeze and smiled at him. This weekend was maybe a chance for her to show him how much she actually cared for him.

As they ascended the tower she could feel the air in her hair and she closed her eyes for a while before she heard the creaking of the machinery behind her. She grabbed his hand tight and felt her stomach twirl as she felt the sensation around her. No sound escaping her lips, but as they got out her laughter started. She bowed forward, laughing and almost in tears at what that feeling had done to her body. Moving forward she stumbled a bit, leaning against Dean as she chuckled. It wasn’t until the werewolf mentioned food she felt hungry. She had started laughing at one of Dean’s jokes and she felt her cheeks get red as he complimented her. But was it a compliment? She took it that way. ”I think you are one of the few who actually get to hear my genuine laugh,” she said with a smile and placed a hand on top of his. They got up and payed for their food before moving on. Shooting galleries; she had heard about those. She looked as Dean picked up the gun and cheered for him when he hit bulls-eye. His request made her furrow her brow. ”But, you won it?” she said a bit confused. Why play if he couldn’t win it for himself? After a while she ended up picking the biggest teddy bear, almost the size of herself, but that was what she wanted. She chuckled as she hugged her boyfriend, placing a sweet kiss against his lips. Once more she felt herself so willing to drift into his lips, but they were in public. She would have to keep it down, for now at least.

”How about we find a good spot for the fireworks?” she suggested, placing the big teddy bear on her back and carrying it as if it was getting a piggy-back ride. ”Over there?” she said, pointing to a grass area where they would have a reasonably good spot to watch from. She walked over there, placing her jacket in the grass and sitting down on it, leaning herself against the teddy bear. She pulled Dean down with her, him above her and she kissed him gently. There was not much they could to in such a public place, but laying like this was not out of the ordinary for many young couples at the park, or so it seemed. ”When we get back to the house, I want to try something,” she said looking at him with vulnerable eyes.

Him saying those words over and over hit her every time. Her heart beating faster and her need to be close to him showed. Maybe that was why he said it, just to drive her crazy. Getting home was nice, and she felt almost at her breaking point. Everyone at the park had so many things about them that had almost drained her, but here with Dean she would recharge in a heart beat. His promise made her smile as she walked closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck looking at his brown eyes. His question made her look down shortly. ”I was just thinking of solutions for my … Problem … And I want to try something, but you have to trust me,” she said looking at him with pleading eyes. Their bodies were tires, no doubt about it, but she also knew that they wouldn’t have much time off. Soon exams would roll around, and she needed to pass all tests with perfect grades. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, before she moved his head down to her. She closed her eyes as their lips touched and she sighed against his lips. This was hard, almost tearing at her body, but she wanted this so badly. Deepening the kiss she moved closer to him, running her hands down his chest and feeling the soft fabric beneath her fingertips.

”Go slowly, alright?” she whispered against his lips, but it sounded more like a reminder for herself. Her fingers moved up under his shirt, touching the muscles that tensed as she touched them. Nervous was a good way to describe Enid right now. Her heart beat was going crazy and her breathing was slowed down. She felt the need for him rise, but she had to remind herself that things had to go slow. As slow as she could. It felt like torture to her at times, taking things so slowly, but with Dean it had to be done in the right way. She wanted him to know how much she cared. Her lips moved against his again, breaking the kiss slowly speak to him. ”Come take a shower with me,” she whispered against his lips. Slowly she moved away from him, getting undressed as she went to the bathroom and turning on the water. Stepping under the hot water was relaxing to her body, and she moved closer to Dean, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him gently. She knew this wasn’t easy for both of them, as they had to restrain themselves to not act like animals, but she hoped the sweet touches and kisses would suffice for now. After the shower she dried off, but didn’t get dressed. Instead, she pulled Dean with her to the bed, laying down and pulling him on top of her. Enid loved him, but explaining that with words were tough.

”Dean, I …” she whispered, running her hand down his bare chest until she reached his stomach, lingering her hand just within reach of his member. ”The reason those three words are hard for me to say is simple,” she said, spreading her legs so that he could rest his knees between them. ”It would be admitting you are a target,” she whispered, looking at him with vulnerable eyes. In hell you learned that what you loved didn’t last. What you cared for would be singled out and used against you. Her breathing got a bit unsteady as she thought about her next words. ”But if I can’t say it, I can at least make you feel it,” she said, placing a sweet kiss against his lips, deepening the kiss. She felt her lust wanting to come out and play with everything around them, and she couldn’t hold everything back. She still felt scared, that she would lose control, but then she could at least know what would happen. Enid looked him in the eyes again as she was focusing on being in control. She looked down her body and felt the body heat from the werewolf so closely. It was almost intoxicating. ”And, don’t worry about the other kind of safety,” she said looking at him. She was quite serious in this moment. ”I’m already on a contraceptive,” she said with a smile running her one hand from his neck to his cheek.

Enid sighed against his lips, a small moan escaping her lips as she felt him move closer. How she wanted to let go. Just go crazy and let her abilities do whatever they wanted, but then there was the thought of losing him. It always came creeping in like this. Her chest moved up and down, breathing heavier than she was used to. ”I think you’re my soulmate,” she whispered, feeling the small hairs on her arms rise up as she felt the need for him. She could feel the lust from him fuel her, but she tried to ignore it and nodded at his words. For a second she forgot how to breathe as he carefully pushed into her. It was hurting a bit, but her body was relaxed, so it was only the feeling of being stretched that really was a bother. A deep moan escaped her lips as he reach the end, and she grabbed a fist full of his hair. Still getting used to him, she looked at him. Was this really happening? She wasn’t dreaming, was she? He was really trying to be gentle, she knew. The fabric next to her head tightened, and she knew he must’ve grabbed it to try and control himself. He hit a small nerve, sending into a vulnerable moan that lingered in the air for a bit before she looked at his brown eyes. Feeling him inside of her, made everything seem to fit together. Though her body had never experienced sex, she still felt like it was awfully natural. Her other hand running gently down his side before she closed her eyes, taking in the whole feeling.

Just the thought of what they were doing made her body shiver, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Carefully she moved her hips against Dean’s and another sweet moan came over her lips. Her hands grabbed him tighter, pulling herself closer to his body as if her life depended on it. It was hurting a bit, but the need for him was far greater than anything. His words made her cheeks glow with a small rosey color. ”Dean, I-,” she stuttered feeling her body getting closer to losing control, but she didn’t want to stop. This feeling was all she needed. Him close to her, so intertwined with her whole being. Her legs moved up, wrapping themselves around his hips and giving a small jerk. They were going faster than was good for her body, but she didn’t care at this point. She opened her eyes, looking at him through her tears and pushing herself towards him again. She loved him. She knew she did. There was no question about it, but saying it was like cutting at her own heart. Every stroke he made sent her core into a spinning sensation, and she tried not to go too crazy at the feeling. The tears decided to make a run for it, but she kept moving against him, feeling complete as they were connected. She didn’t know how long she would last, but she wanted it to be forever. If there had been any doubt in her head, it would have dissappeared. Having him close like this just confirmed her need to be with him until the end of time.

”Kiss me,” she begged moving her lips to his and greedily tasting his lips. Another moan escaped her lips as she pressed herself against him again. Lust was in the air, cutting through the room like a knife, and she knew it. She couldn’t care at this moment as she moved against him harder before flipping them around so she was on top. Enid leaned down, leaving a trail of kisses and small sucks against his neck as she rode him. ”Dean,” she let out a breathy moan as she felt her core give in to the extacy of sensation when she reached her high. Feeling herself tighten around his member and placing her forehead against his. ”I love you,” she whispered with closed eyes. How she could say it was a wonder, but her voice cracked at it. Tears falling down her cheeks as she kept moving against him. ”Dean Alvarez, I love you,” she said, a bit more power in her voice as she opened her eyes and looked at him. She could hold back anymore. Those words cut her heart, but she needed him to hear her say it.

Enid felt like she was floating as he pressed himself into her, deeper than before. She got on top and heard his small call for God, but she chose to ignore it, moving her hips eagerly against him. His hands grabbing her thighs made her go crazy and soon she felt his warm seed inside her. She moaned against his skin, letting herself feelt his moment. Letting it burn into her memories to be stored forever. She felt out of breath but as soon as he kissed her, she felt like she could once more breathe. Her chest was heaving and her heart beating like crazy as she looked down at him, feeling his sweet caress of her back, closing her eyes at the sensation. His small declaration in return made her chuckle slowly, moving down to place a sweet kiss against his lips. His words made her worry shortly, because she was so affraid of losing him. She had fallen hard for him, more than she thought was possible. After his sweet kiss she removed herself carefully, laying down next to him and letting herself return to her normal breath. It was harder than it looked, but she would manage. She felt her body tremble as she now felt the pain from having moving too fast and she closed her eyes to try and relax herself. Maybe she just needed to lay there for a while, getting used to this now empty feeling between her legs. Her body was aching, but it was in a state between pleasure and pain. Carefully she moved her hand down his stomach, gracing his muscles still tensed up from what they had been doing. ”Don’t put me on a pedistal,” she whispered, looking at him with vulnerable eyes. She knew he meant it well. She moved closer to him, wrapping one arm around his torso and placing a kiss on his shoulder, letting her fingers run down over his tattoos. Looking at him like this made her smile again, the way the fine sweat gleamed on his toned skin and his chest moving up and down as he was catching his breath.

His words ever so sweet and a faint smile came upon her lips as he pulled her closer. Couldn’t they just forget about the world and what had happened before this moment in time? She let her fingers dance down his torso, touching every muscle and adoring every little nook and cranny of the werewolf’s body. His question made her swallow. She wasn’t affraid to admit what she had done, but part of her feared what it could mean. ”Because I haven’t deserved it,” she said looking at him. His fingers running up and down her arm giving her a calm feeling. It was fair that he wanted to know these things, and she wasn’t going to lie to him. She couldn’t do that, not after their promise to just be honest with one another. She lifted herself up on her elbow, laying on her side and looking at him. ”You’ve only seen the good parts of me,” she said. Starting this conversation wasn’t the hardest part, it was how she was going to explain everything. ”Cruelty is inside me, part of my and when I’m with my sister, it seems to go out of control,” she said, placing a hand on his cheek, looking into those brown eyes she loved so much. She placed a short kiss against his lips, and feared it was going to be their last after what she was about to tell him. She sat up, moving the duvet up and around her, looking at him with tender eyes.

”There are certain loopholes when it comes to becoming a fallen angel; firstly you have to be the one that directly caused the death of another,” she said. It was easy to understand, she hoped. ”Me and my sister have games we play, but you would call it torture or toying with people,” she said, not once moving her gaze from Dean’s eyes. Would he get angry? She would understand if he did, but could he hurt her, that was the question. ”I’ve hurt people, Dean, more than I can count and even people I’ve later found out you know,” she said. She shook her head, maybe it was best to explain everything from the start. ”My sister fell for a guy working for a gang in this town, but recently he was killed by a young female from an opposite gang. When my sister asked me to help get revenge I didn’t hesitate,” she said, running her fingers over Dean’s hair. ”She cared for that guy, more than she has cared for anyone before, so helping her avenge his death seemed only fair. We got her to an abandoned school and before I knew it, more people started showing up,” Enid explained.

”I used my abilities, maybe more than I should have, but my brother came to stop us before going on with our plans,” she said. ”Those kids from the future, those were the ones we hurt,” she said, awaiting any questions or further need for explaination.

Part of her was grateful for the fact that he waited speaking until she had finished. To be honest, she had imagined he would have already left her, letting the last humanitarian piece in her die with it, but she was happy he stayed. His reaction was as expected, words wise, but she looked at him. She took a deep breath as he turned his gaze back to her and she looked at him with sad eyes. ”I have given you many chances to leave me; more than I would have liked, because I fear that if you leave, I’ll become what my mother wants me to be,” she said in a serious voice. She breathed out, closing her eyes to calm down and hugged the duvet closer. She didn’t like this, but everything was different when she was with her sister. It was like all of her humanity disappeared and was replaced with evil intentions. ”I’m telling you that I don’t know,” she said, opening her eyes and looking at Dean with a serious expression on her face. Enid shook her head and removed the duvet. He wouldn’t understand, and why would he. He wasn’t raised in hell. His parent wasn’t the devil. She walked to the bathroom, turning on the water and washing herself clean after their act. Her hands were shaking and as she grabbed a towel she looked herself in the mirror. She saw her tears and started drying them away in a fast motion. ”Stop it,” she snared at her own reflection. She didn’t need to feel bad for herself. She clenched her fists and stood for a second. Her whole body shaking with emotions that she didn’t know what to do with. As she had gathered herself she returned, looking at Dean with a sad expression, trying hard not to show that she had cried.

”I understand if you believe me to be a monster, but I warned you when you met me; I warned you so many times, but you didn’t listen,” she said, her voice breaking and she sat down on the bed, back to the werewolf. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep calm so she wouldn’t act out. ”I’ve accepted all of you, every insecurity, every flaw; I’ve seen them and been there, but you can’t return it?” she said, looking at Dean with vulnerable eyes. She didn’t want this to be the end. If he left, she would break. She wouldn’t be able to be herself again, and she knew that. Maybe that was part of why she feared he would leave her. ”Have I ever asked that you didn’t transform during a full moon? Have I ever demanded that you stopped being animalistic?” she asked, hinting at the fact that this was as much part of her nature as Dean’s wolf side.

What do you want from me, Dean had demanded. How could she know what she wanted when her whole life had been controlled by her father turned mother? How could she possibly know what it was like to make a descision like this for herself, when everything had been planned since her birth? He kept questioning her, but she couldn’t answer, not without crying her heart out. As she came back from the bathroom she looked at the werewolf as he kneeled down in front of her. His words made sense, but how could he know? How could he know all of the horible things she had done? Maybe love wasn’t meant for a Morningstar, maybe they were all destined to live their lives in the shadows, letting themselves succumb to the darkness that lured inside them. He wanted her to promise something she had already done and she looked at him with tears in her eyes. ”Don’t you get it Dean? I’ve changed – I haven’t done anything despicable since meeting you,” she whispered in a begging tone. It was true. She might have obligations, but since meeting Dean so much had changed. The only people she had hurt was herself and now Dean as well. It made her sick and she felt like she was going to throw up, but it wouldn’t be possible. Part of her knew it was wrong to compare him like that, but it was simply to point out that it was in her nature. He loosened his grip of her hand, and she felt like she was going to fall apart. Closing her eyes as he raised his voice. She shook her head and got up from her seat to put on some clothes. She felt more naked than ever, and getting to put some clothes on might help.

”What I want is you Dean,” she said, turning her face to greet his. She walked over, cupping his face between her hands and forcing him to look at her. Her chest heaving as she was scared, and she knew he would feel that as well. ”You are the only one who has ever gotten me to come out of the dark, change my ways and believe that I had a choice in all of this,” she whispered, feeling her voice break again. She wanted him, to have a life with him and start a family when the time came. Did he regret what they had? ”I’ve gotten punished more than you would believe, not following orders and instead spending time with you,” she said, letting go of his face to look down at his chest. She rested her forehead against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. ”I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I am trying to make up for my actions,” she said silently against his chest. She knew more than was good for about the whole situation, but she had promised her brother to keep quiet about the whole ordeal. ”I am trying to right my wrongs, believe me,” she said, looking up at him with vulnerable eyes. There was a reason as to why she had been in hell, why she had been down there, but she couldn’t tell much.

”Practice, Dean? You want me to practice the sins with you? Risking hurting you and all we have?” she asked, a bit skeptic, but that was to be expected. She shook her head. She wouldn’t allow that, and if she trained with her sister she knew what it would end with. It would end with them reaving havoc on other’s lives again, going against his wishes. She swallowed, closing her eyes and trying to breath normally. ”I can control them fine, it’s just around you things go crazy,” she whispered. Who would have thought that she could be so unsure of her abilities when she was close to him. She opened up about her punishments, but it was far more complicated than a who did it. Being deeply connected to hell like she was, it was different going down there. ”It’s not punishment as in my mother hitting me,” she said, furrowing her brows to see if she could explain it better. She pulled herself closer to him, breathing out as she did. ”My mother is clever, installing things in hell that would seem awfully weird, yet oddly fitting; She had rooms where you enter, not knowing how much time pass as your soul feels like it’s getting torn apart,” she said, not knowing if it made sense. As he said he forgave her, she felt a rush of relief and listened to him. As he leaned away she looked him in the eyes and nodded. ”I cannot make promises like that, but I can promise to keep fighting that side of me; like I’ve been doing since I met you,” she sad, reaching her hand up to touch his cheek.

”I want a life with you; give you that litter of wolves you want and settle down in the biggest house we can afford,” she said. He had said his dreams on the beach, but she hadn’t shared her that much. She swallowed and a faint smile showed on her lips. ”I want to give you everything you want and I want you to show me what a loving family means,” she said in a whisper. Maybe a Morningstar was not destined for love nor a stable family, but she wanted to break the wheel that kept spinning for her family. She knew her brother had had a family before, that her mother once felt love and that her sister too, deep down, still had feelings hiding under her crown. Enid closed her eyes shortly, letting everything settle down before she opened and looked at her werewolf again. ”In return for my promise I want a promise from you,” she said in a small voice. She knew she was not in a place to demand anything, but she wanted his words on this. ”I want you to promise me to never raise your voice at me again,” she said with a shaky voice. She could still hear the anger from his voice as if it was playing on repeat.

Enid felt the anger in her grow now. His voice so demanding and disappointed with her, as she furrowed her brows looking at him. That was when she moved out of his embrace shaking her head. Was he really defending the one that had killed her sister’s love? Had he no shame? ”Oh, I was in plenty control – hearing every little sin in those kids like they were screaming them at me,” she said clenching her jaw, her body shaking slightly. Her eyes moved to meet his gaze. Was he ever going to just accept her? What if he didnt? She had accepted everything about him, every smallest thing that meant so much to the werewolf. His sorry didn’t fix what she had been through. ”Dean do you honestly believe I would do these vile things without reasoning? You think I just pick and choose between strangers and taking whatever I feel like?” she asked in a sad voice. It was clear he was quick to jump to conclusions, but she normally liked that. This however felt wrong. How could he know? ”I ask of you one thing, a small insignificant thing about your temper, but all of a sudden that is just your nature?” she said shaking her head moving over to the balcony door, opening it and letting in the fresh air. His reasoning, his explaination about wanting to talk things through made her stomach turn. ”Fine, we’ll talk this through,” she said, turning her gaze back to him again.

”I am daugther of Lucifer, the first fallen angel and most beloved of God’s angels; I am a princess of Hell, bending the nether that flows from it with ease,” she said, her eyes almost lighting up as she spoke. She held out her hand, palm up, showing a grey mass forming in her hand, nether, shining like stardust as she let it fall to the ground and disappear. ”I grew up in Hell, letting it form me, never knowing what love was, never once getting any sort of affectiong from other than two of my siblings,” she said walking closer. She placed her palm against his bare chest, looking up at him with a burning gaze. ”I have been tortured, trained and ordered to do dispicable things since my birth; and you dare say it is not in my nature to be a monster,” she said. Her heart beating faster and her emotions one big mess, almost like an overload of feelings.

”I am the sins of your friends and family, I am ruthless and cold when I need to be; I believe that the darkness will at one point consume me and I won’t remember who I was,” she said with a pained expression on her face. ”I am a stupid angel, born to torture the world, but instead I fell in love with a werewolf, declaring my love not even an hour ago, and you have the guts to tell me right from wrong,” she said removing her hand shaking her head, letting out a sigh that sounded more like a grunting noise. ”I wish to be better, but how can I not act on instinct? Can you ask a lion not to kill it’s prey? Demand that a wolf would stop howling at the moon? Please enlighten me on this power you have where you can demand everyone around you to change, but not yourself,” she said, tears running down her cheeks.

”Tell me why I’ve changed, when you have not done the same for me; Is it because I am not the vampire you once lusted for? Is it because I am not as caring as the siren you have befriended?” she asked, hurt in her eyes.

”You speak of darkness as something you have had in you, yet not once have you showed me that side of you,” she said looking at their hands. She couldn’t stop herself from entangling their fingers, as it was so normal for her. She looked at his brown eyes as he said that he hoped for her to get better and that it was how they could work this out, but part of her felt like he was still denying what she was. He talked about raising his voice and she wouldn’t blame him. She was at a point where maybe him yelling might do her some good. She gave his hand a tight squeeze as his roaring voice sounded through the room. Shaking her head, she placed her free hand on his cheek pulling him down to her lips. She kissed him, greedily and passionately, pulling herself closer to his body. ”I could never hate you,” she whispered, letting go of his hand to move her hand around his torso and pulling him into a hug. ”And like I would ever let you die; if you did I’d just drag you back to life so that you could fight for me some more,” she said, weak voice and feeling vulnerable. She stood there for a while, just holding him, not really caring if he was still angry with her. She was angry, but mostly at their circumstance.

”I am not saying you haven’t changed, but I feel it’s unfair that you ask me to go against everything I’ve ever known,” she whispered, letting go of him carefully to look at him. Fighting with Dean was like the rollercoasters from earlier today. Up and down, turns and twists. She didn’t like fighting she had done so much of it already. ”You are telling me things that I already know, and my anger is not towards you, but myself,” she whispered looking at him. Part of her wished that there was an easy solution here, but there never was. She could almost imagine the world was against her. ”My worst fear is losing you,” she said. It felt like he could walk out of this room and her whole being would collapse into the darkness surrounding her. She kissed him again every time fearing it would be the last if he pushed her away. She might be strong, but Dean had a hold over her that she couldn’t explain. ”I don’t regret telling you this, but I feared if I told you sooner, you would not be this understanding,” she said against his lips. ”I want to be honest with you, and I’ve never told you a lie,” she said .