If you ever feel like crying, just run. It feels good | Pana

Two weeks had gone by and Wayo was going crazy. Pana continued to take girls home when it was late on the day, at the time Wayo usually wanted to just relax, but every time a new girl would come giggling in and Wayo would look almost heartbroken at Pana, before he took off and went over to Emilio, that he had gotten a pretty close relationship to.
He had already confessed his feelings for Pana to Emilio, he knew everything that was going on and every time Wayo came by, he knew what Pana was doing.
Wayo couldn't say anything to Pana, it was clear that he was straight and he didn't want to jeopardize their friendship. It was so close and he liked it, he wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. But it was beginning to take a toll on him. He didn't get enough sleep, not even for a normal sleeper, and that was hard for one who slept so much as he did.

Wayo laid on his bed waiting for Pana to come home, so he could fall asleep. He had gotten this stupid thing that he couldn't sleep unless he knew that Pana was there and safe.
So when the door opened he jumped up from the bed with a bright smile, only for it to be turned into a frown, as he saw Pana step in with yet another girl.
He couldn't do it anymore, he needed to talk to Pana, to tell him he couldn't keep doing that, that Wayo couldn't sleep because of him. He had to find another way to sleep and Wayo would gladly help.
Get out he said with an attitude he usually didn't have. It was angry but also sad.
The girl looked at Wayo and then at Pana, before laughing. Why don't you leave, Pana invited me up
Her words sliced his heart as he narrowed his eyes at her. Get the fuck out now he said raising his voice, his eyes blazing with disgust.
The girl seemed taken aback, before whispering to Pana to come home to her, before she left.

Wayo directed his eyes at Pana as he swallowed. What was he going to say, how was he going to start this?
This need to stop it just fell from his lips. He didn't want to destroy their friendship, but he also had to talk to Pana when he did something that destroyed his life.
You can't keep doing this. It's bad for you and I can't sleep. I understand it's the only way you can sleep, but you have to find another way he said calmly his eyes pleading Pana to just comply.

Outfit

Pana knew he hadn't been doing as good as he wanted to, but every time he looked at Wayo every part of his body, his being screamed at him to just grab the cute boy and kiss him and do other things to him...Pana was going crazy not knowing what he should do with all these very wrong and confusing feelings, he had to have more sex than usual because all he had to do was look at Wayo and then he got these urges and fuck if he didn't take way to many cold showers thinking about Wayo...it was wrong and he had to stop...so yeah he had a new girl in his bed every night...day...whenever he wasn't hanging out with Wayo, Kit, Beam, Emilio (who had gotten way to close to his Wayo!) and his brother, who was having way to much fun with Pana's small but very big crises.

So when he got up to there room with some girl...Alice? something with an A...and Wayo was there with one hell of an attitude he just stod there staring at his friend, he lookd at Wayo like he wanted to scream at him when he just chased the girl out, not before he promised to come by once he had talked to Wayo. No it doesn't and it isn't your business who and how many people i have sex with! its only sex! he said frustratedly he looked at Wayo, a small part of his brain screaming at him to just pull Wayo down on his bed and...yeah no not gonna happen...likes girls not boys...even cute one that moan when you bite them.

yoy can't sleep? i don't even fuck them here so you can sleep! i don't know how Wayo! okay this works! why should i stop!? he said dramatically waving his arms around how? are you gonna help me!? are you going to let me fuck you he said moving closer feeling the way his body reacts to the thought of having Wayo naked in his bed...fuck no this was bad! he could think like this!

He saw the anger in Pana's eyes and it made his blood run cold. He never wanted him to look at him like that. He wished he would just stop this, that he could help Pana sleep, instead of him having to sleep with a bunch of girls every night! He was surprised that Pana talked back to him like that, it seemed like he was just as frustrated at Wayo was. It's not only sex Pana! It's supposed to mean something, but you are just throwing it away! Of course, it was his own opinion, and he had no right to push that onto Pana, but he just couldn't take it anymore. Maybe Wayo had fallen in love a little early with Pana, but he couldn't help the pull he felt towards him. It was painful and he couldn't do anything about it. He wished he could though, he wished he could just tell him, that he had hopelessly fallen in love with him...

I can't sleep if you are not here! Please let us just find another way, I can't... I can't keep seeing this he whimpered looking up at Pana.
His breath caught in his throat at Pana's words, he coughed harshly and looked at Pana bewildered as he walked closer to Wayo. What had he just said? He cheeks turned red and he began moving a bit backwards, as Pana moved closer.
W... what... I he stammered, not really able to find the right words. N... No... But there are other ways he tried to say as he looked up at Pana scared. He had never seen him like this, he wouldn't say he was a dick... but okay yeah he would. He knew Wayo was gay, how dared he to use it against him! And he never raised his voice at him before... Where was P'softie?

Pana looked at Wayo in bewilderment, he was worried about how Pana viewed sex? why did it matter so much to him! why was it so important that Pana saw sex as something special! im sorry that i don't see it the same way you do Wayo! how am i supposed to know that it means something when i haven't ever been in love! should i just wait forever!? he knew he was back out of order acting like this around Wayo, sweet beautiful Wayo that made his blood boil and his heart beat out of his chest. you really care about me he whispered to himself as that stupid warm feeling made itself know in his chest once more. He knew he crossed the line when Wayo coughed harshly and looked at Pana bewildered as he walked closer to Wayo, when Wayo moved away from Pana. Pana knew he should stop that he had no right to say that to Wayo, he wanted to say sorry, he only moved closer until he had Wayo backed up against the wall, fuck Wayo i.. he looked at Wayo's lips, he wanted to make sure Wayo knew he wasn't mad or hatede him or something like that...but know words left his mouth.

It was like his body acted on instinct one moment he was looking at Wayo the next he had his lips pressed against the other boy moaning and kissing, licking and nipping at his lips pushing his warm tongue inside Wayo mouth, fuck it felt amazing! it was like a million small explosions were going off inside him, he let his hand trail down Wayo's body pulling him closer only to jump back in panic. nonononnonono! fuck fuck fuck fuck! i! FUCK! im not...i shit what did i do! he ran his hands through his hair pulling at it in pure panic, he couldn't breathe all he saw and heard was that awful sound of the car being hit and his dad calling him a disappointment. im not a disapointment...im not gay...im sorry dad... he looked ar Wayo shaking Wayo i can't breathe! fuck im so sorry...please don't hate me... he whimpered looking at him pleadingly.

Yes! Wait until you find love! Then you will know what it means! He didn't know why it meant so much. Maybe it was the fear of him never finding love and when he did... he still couldn't stop having sex with others. Maybe it was greed and fantasy, making him think that maybe, just maybe Pana would fall for him, but the sex would mean nothing to him.
It was a stupid fantasy, something that would only get him hurt in the end, but it wasn't the first time he had hoped like that, but every time he did, it was shattered by Pana bringing home a girl.
He didn't know why a sudden fear emerged, he knew Pana wouldn't hurt him, ever, but the fear was still there. Maybe the fear of being too close to him, fearing that Wayo wouldn't be able to control himself and he would kiss him, having to tell him that he loved him and eventually ruining their friendship.
He continued to back up as Pana came closer until he was pressed tightly up against the wall, trapped with no way of escaping, not without passing Pana. He whimpered as Pana stood too close to him, making him close his eyes tightly until his name Wayo slipped over Pana's lips.
He opened his eyes, seeing Pana staring at his lips, making him gulp.

Pa... he gasped as Pana's lips were suddenly on his. He melted into his body, the fear suddenly going away as his body was filled with warmth. He kissed back, moaning softly, having a hard time catching up to Pana's heated kiss, until it was all pulled away.
The shock was evident on Wayo's face as Pana pulled back in panic, beginning to ramble on about... not being gay Wayo supposed.
He shook his head as Pana was clearly out of it. Hate him... he didn't hate him. Pana was obviously distressed as he looked at him. Disappointment? He wasn't a disappointment. He didn't know how he felt about Pana saying that. He wasn't even sure that that was how Pana felt. It sounded like it had been his dad's thoughts on it. Slow breaths Pana. I don't hate you. he whispered, not knowing what to do. He wanted to kiss him again, but he knew better. Pana was having a conflict and it would only be selfish if he kissed him again, when it caused him so much distress.

I don't know what love is! he shouted hating how vulnerable that sentence made him feel like something was wrong with him, like he was broken and needed to be fixed, Pana's mind was working on autopilot he had no idea why he acted like he did...but Wayo drove him crazy in a way he had never experienced it was exhausting and exhilarating and he wanted to kiss and shout at Wayo all at the same time!

So when Wayo gasped when Pana finally let himself do the one thing he had dreamed of for the past two weeks it was the most amazing feeling in the world, his body and heart were about to explode with emotions and feelings for Wayo...it was terrifying...but it felt so good to just let go and be himself for at least one second, Pana moaned loudly when he felt Wayo kiss him back, Pana didn't know what he was doing he pulled Wayo closer pressing his hard body against Wayo's softer one.

It was over to fast but Pana could feel the fear and panic make it's way through his body, he knew what a panic attack felt like and he was having one right now! he could only hear his dads words and the car crashing over and over inside his head, i didn't mean to...im so sorry dad...im not like that...i promise..i promise he muttered over and over not seeing or hearing anything until Wayo's words broke through the fog in his mind.

Wayo...help me...i don't know...why...fuck he whimpered slowly sinking to the floor im a disappointment...im so sorry... he needed to relax he needed for all this to just stop and for his mind to calm down but how! he had sex when this happened! he needed to get out...fuck what did he need, again he looked at Wayo...he needed Wayo...i...can't...fuuuck...breathe you idiot!...Wayo i need...you...to fuck...calm me down please...i...i can't he could he black spots in his vison, this was such a mess

You will know when you feel it he sighed as Pana shouted at him. Wayo hadn't really known much about love either before he met Pana. It was all very strange to him until he really understood it. He was in love with Pana, it was that warm feeling, that needs to always see them, the pang in the heart when you had gone too long without them being near you or just talk to you. The desperate need to be seen by them, for them to notice you and not someone else.

Finally, it felt like Pana saw him when he kissed him. It was all like fantasy and Wayo loved it. Everything he had dreamed about came to life as the soft lips moved against his. But as in the name, it was only a fantasy, as it was soon over and Wayo stood back with an empty feeling, looking at a panicked Pana in front of him, that continued to apologize to his dad.
It broke Wayo's heart seeing Pana so sad and so fearful. He swallowed as he didn't really know what to do. It was scary.
He looked surprised down at Pana as he slid down to the ground, asking Wayo to help him. But how could he help, wasn't it him that made him so panicked, making Pana say over and over again, that it wasn't how he was, to his dad?
He sighed as Pana begged, he couldn't just stand there and do nothing. He sat down on the ground with Pana as he hugged him tightly into him, whispering calming words to him.
Just breathe, I'm here he said gently as he caressed his back.

Pana slowly relaxed a bit when he felt Wayo's arms close around him, he buried his head in Wayo's neck slowly breathing in the other boy's calming scent. He...saw me kiss a boy...that's what we were fighting about in the car...im not gay...i just kissed him...and you...i don't understand why i wanted to kiss you... he cried a bit harder hating that he was feeling like this, it felt so wrong...so did he want to do it again. He just sat there holding Wayo slowly feeling his body relax and his breathing even out. Please stay with me...i know im not being fair to you...i should never have acted like a dick...i made a promise...im sorry Wayo he whispered feeling very small and unsure of himself. I don't see sex the same way you do...and i don't know if and when it will change...but...if me doing it makes it hard for you to sleep and relax...i....i won't stop completely...because i do love sex...but i will cut down on it...but are you sure you can deal with my nightmares? because i can't

He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that what he was doing was bad...and that it hurt Wayo...but the fact that it hurt the other boy gave Pana some sort of sick satisfaction that he hurt him...that Pana wasn't the only one suffering, because that's what this felt like and he hated it...he didn't want to feel the way he did, he didn't want kiss him and hear him moan and watch him blush so beautifully...wondering if his whole body would flush red...how he would sound if Pana fucked him...Pana sighed pulling away what is wrong with me....

He felt the hot breath on his neck, making him shiver and his hair on his arms rise. It wasn't fair... having the guy he liked in his arms because they kissed and he started to cry. That wasn't really how their first kiss in his fantasy had gone. He understood what was going on now though, his father had judged him right before the accident, making Pana scared of having any feelings towards who he really liked. He sighed heavily. This was more complicated than he thought, but maybe he had to put his fantasies aside for good. He didn't want to pain Pana. Just relax, it will be our secret. he assured gently as Pana cried into him.
He felt Pana relax a bit, making him look at the older, to see how he was.
It's okay Pana, I'm fine, I will stay. he answered. He was not going to leave Pana crying for himself, he would still be his friend.
He didn't even know how to stop his nightmares, but he would think about it, there had to be a way, for Pana not to have to sleep with someone all the time... Even though he liked it. I will find a way, I promise.

Wayo was so lost in his thoughts, there was so much going on and he felt... stuck. Maybe he should sleep over at Emilio's place, just for a night or two, so he could get his head straight and get rid of his stupid thoughts.
There is nothing wrong with you. he whispered sweetly as he held onto him tightly. They just stayed there until Pana was okay and a bit after that too.

//out//