I do not need people, that don't need me | Pana

Pana sighed in relief this time...yea...don't worry...you don't have to come every time...just this once he said looking at the boy next to him, Pana saw the moment Wayo's eyes got wet, hating the pity and sympathy that people always gave him 'poor Pana doesn't have a family and his brother is pretty much braindead' it made his skin prickle and the urge to hit something and break it started to grow...until Ano said Wayo was pretty...it made Pana smile because yeah...Wayo was pretty...and no one would ever know that Pana thought so to...Pana smirked at Wayo's red cheeks look what you did Ano now he blushing...this is why no one want's to go out with you, you say to many nice things...play hard to get sometimes he joked nudging his brothers foot before looking back at Wayo it's fucking terrible...and people wonder why i get into fights... he muttered. Pana let out a small gasp when he felt Wayo's warm hand and saw his beautiful face in front of him, the pained but happy little whiper that left his lips should embarrass him but he was to happy to care, you really mean that you don't think im to mess up...you can umm...stay with me until i leave and...when i break down...hug me? i like being touched it centers me he said quietly.

Pana looked at Ano laughing not like that you pervert! he said shaking his head, his face when pale and his body went stif when he read Ano's words it's not like that...okay so don't...no i meant it Ano...im not...you are impossible sometimes he said throwing his hands up in the air dramatically why did he ask if Wayo was my boy...no no no im a not...fuck..., he scolded his features as he smiled at Wayo you wanna try and talk to him...i can teach you he said showing Wayo the letter board explaining how it worked with the blinking and eye movements, just as the nurse walked in with the food for Ano's feeding tube.

He smiled brightly I don't mind coming here with you again Pana... he said, he didn't mind coming back if Pana needed someone to go with him. He couldn't handle thinking of Pana being here alone, crying. It pained him to think about.
He could see the anger in Pana for a split second before it was gone. It confused him a bit, but he just let it go for now.
He was just blushing even more now that Pana pointed it out and joked about it with Ano. He didn't feel embarrassed, maybe just in the spotlight, not something he liked very much, and it also was a bit unusual for two guys to say that about him.
He heard what Pana muttered and sighed heavily. Fights never solved anything, Pana couldn't just go around and hitting people because he was angry. He had to control his anger.
Fights are... not a good coping mechanism he tried to say a bit cautious.
He smiled at the little whimper and just shook his head at Pana. How could he say Pana was messed up, he was just... unfortunate.
Of course you are not messed up, I promise I will be there for you Hugging him while he was crying... God, what had he gotten himself into, he was going to break his own heart if he continued this, but he couldn't get himself to stop, he wanted Pana to be happy.

He looked at Pana with a smile as he laughed as he talked with Ano. It was weird not being able to understand what they were talking about. He felt a bit left out, but he didn't want to disturb the brothers talking to each other. What... what's he saying? he asked curiously with a laugh, as he had gotten too confused after Pana had gotten a bit dramatic.
He looked at Pana with surprise as he asked if Wayo wanted to talk to Ano. He swallowed thickly but then nodded.
Yeah, sure! he said excited and turned to Ano, not letting go of Pana's hand, maybe a bit nervous in front of his brother, afraid of doing something wrong. He listened as Pana tried to explain everything to him, but stopped and turned around as the nurse walked in.
He needs to eat now? he asked as he looked at Pana. It didn't look comfortable but of course it was the only way for him to eat.

Good because i like having you here he said smiling. He loved seeing Wayo blush there was something very beautiful and almost angelic about the way he looked when he blushed, the heavy sigh did not go unnoticed yeah...people keep telling me...but i don't know what else to do he said looking at Wayo letting out a loud sigh. He knew it was fucked and that one day it would bite him in the ass, but he didn't know how else to deal with all his anger and hitting and breaking things made him feel better because then they were as broked and messed up as him. Fuck...i look so uncool! crying and begging you to help me...i really am cool and a bad boy... he said crying and warping his arms around Wayo breathing his scent letting it surround him.

Pana smiled at Wayo his brain working on what the fuck he should say, well first he said 'yes Pana loves being touched because he is a nympho and after that, he said that...i should just admit i am one and become a rent boy because then i could be touched all the time he said yeah because that sounds so much better than saying he thought we were a couple and that you were my boyfriend...but the first part was try...but i am not a nympho.

Pana smiled as he slowly put the board in Wayo's hands great, so he can blink and move his eyes side to side, that why the board is see-thru so we can see the letters to okay he said going on about what each movement and blink meant. He looked at Wayo smiling don't worry he has a tube in his stomach and we slowly pour it in with this small IV kind of drip...it doesn't hurt... he said taking the nutrition bag from the nurse did you brush his teeth and wash his mouth with water or should i do it before i go? he asked, the nurse smiled and said Pana could do it. After she was gone he turned to Wayo you ready to try and talk?

It was nice... Pana saying stuff like that, even though it was meant in a friendly way. Wayo could always just imagine, not doing anything about it. Maybe... he should tell him though, so Pana could determine if he still wanted to have Wayo that close.
He nodded, of course, he didn't know what to do, or else he would have done it. Wayo was also a bit lost, he had never tried something like this. He wasn't freaking professional, he just wanted to help Pana. Learn how to control your anger. Be calm he said. Wayo calmed him right? Maybe he just had to stay close to him, so he wouldn't want to hit anyone. Being close to him all the time didn't sound like the worst idea ever.
He couldn't stop laughing a bit as Pana said he was cool and a badboy, but to Wayo he was just one big softie that tried too hard to be cool He hugged him tightly as he cried into Wayo. It was weird having a older guy cry into him, but it felt good that he could calm Pana down. Hmm... You don't have to act tough, P'softie he whispered softly, caressing his back.

He raised an eyebrow at both Ano and Pana, as Pana started to tell him what they had talked about. Wayo had a hard time believing it, but what did he know, he couldn't talk to Ano at all, so what Pana said must be his truth. Really? he said with a light chuckle, as he just shook his head a bit.

Wayo looked at the board in his hand, trying to keep up with what Pana said so he could talk to Ano. He was pretty excited to talk to Ano, he seemed like a nice boy, saying Wayo was pretty and all.
He looked at Ano as Pana explained how he would eat. It must be hell to be in that state, not being able to eat properly, not being able to talk, move... anything. He felt bad for the boy and he was still so young, it wasn't fair at all!
He sighed as he looked at Pana, after he had talked with the nurse and she was gone again, just the three guys alone once again.
Yeah, I'm ready. he said with a smile as he held the board up, facing Ano with a sweet smile.

Pana should feel at least a bit offended by Wayo's laughed, but he didn't care, not when it felt this good to be hugged tightly and finally allow himself to cry, he shivered bit suppressing the moan that wanted to come when he felt  Wayo caressing his back and whisper softly to him. So instead he purred like kitten nuzzling his head into Wayo neck, i won't bite...only you can call me that...everybody else is fair game... he muttered feeling his eyes drop. Pana smirked yeah i never lie he said smiling knowing full well what his brother was shouting at him, only lied to himself...

Pana giggled shaking his head looking at Wayo as he tried to keep up with what Pana said so he could talk to Ano. After Pana was done talking to the nurse he slowly pulled over IV drip and screwed it to the tube, so he could attach the nutrition bag and slowly let the food drip down through the IV drip, into the tube. He gave Wayo a big smile as he held the board up, facing Ano with a sweet smile. Pane pushed Ano closer now please behave yourself okay? you can leave all the dirty stuff for me to hear...we can't traumatize Wayo with your dirty mind he teased his brother, Ano moved his eyes side to side spelling out his reply you are no fun...life is short and he is hot...and hi Wayo, Pana laughed such a charmer...don't fall for it Wayo he said jokingly feeling at ease, it felt good to teach someone to talk to Ano, Pana, Kit, and Beam had all learned it together, but teach Wayo made that weird heat bloom in his chest for no reason.

So you are his roommate? he never let me meet his other ones, he must think you are cool if Ano could laugh or even smile Pana knew that's what he would be doing and maybe try and flirt, god he wished Ano wasn't like this, Pana had been 16 and Ano 6...it wasn't fair that Ano was the one who was brain damaged and all Pana got was a lot of guilt and some broken legs and a deep cut on his ass. It might have been 9 years but Pana had hated himself every moment thinking about what happened to Ano...he was a kid...it wasn't fair. He tends to be a big dick...but sometimes he's only a small one Pana laughed shaking his head oh please you are just jealous that i got the looks and you the brains...it not my fault if i am gifted he said smirking, it means a lot to me...that you are here...i might be a bit of a mess after, so don't tell anyone i cry like a baby okay P'shorty he said smiling at Wayo putting his warm hand on the other boys leg,  what ever you do keep calling him P'softie, its fucking halarios...he thinks he is so bad and cool trust me he is not Pana shorted don't give him ideas! he said laughing looking at Wayo happily.

He cooed a bit as Pana purred like a kitten, making him smile. Everyone makes you appear so much worse than you are he said as he chuckled, drying the tears of his cheeks. Wayo hadn't seen one ounce of anything bad about Pana yet. But maybe it was just too early to say, maybe he could turn on the plate in a matter of seconds and treat Wayo like dirt? but... Wayo couldn't really see Pana being like that.

He narrowed his eyes at Pana as he laughed at him, He tried okay? He wanted to talk to Ano, so Pana just had to behave.
He looked at Pana, as he gave... Ano food? It was weird to see and Wayo felt like it was a private moment between Pana and Ano, even though they didn't seem to mind that Wayo was there. He felt like he intruded though.
Wayo swallowed as Pana talked to Ano, telling him to be nice and not be dirty. Wayo wasn't good with people talking dirty to him, it always made his cheeks heat up.
But as Ano began moving his eyes, Wayo began to focus so he could make it out. He laughed a bit as Ano called him hot, he was never called hot. Always pretty, cute and sometimes his dad would call him princess... tsk. He smiled at Ano brightly. Hey Ano he chirped.
He just shot Pana a look as he talked to, shaking his head as he smiled at them both. It was evident that they had a strong bond those two brothers.

Wayo nodded as he followed Ano's eyes again. It was a funny way to communicate, but he really had to focus so he didn't miss any of the movement. There it was again, Pana had done something with Wayo that he wouldn't do with anyone else. Why though? He said I was special he just answered with a soft red glow, not being able to look down in embarrassment, because he had to see if Ano answered.
He couldn't help but laugh when Ano called his brother a dick. It was the second time that he got to hear that. That Pana wasn't so soft and sweet as he was towards Wayo.
He hasn't really been anything but sweet to me... I don't hope to see his mean side he said as he looked up at Pana shortly, with a gentle smile, as Pana started to joke with his brother again.
Wayo nodded as Pana said he didn't want his little secret out. The big bad boy cried in front of Wayo, not a bad secret really.
I promise I won't say anything P' he said. He would never do anything Pana didn't want him to, it wouldn't be fair after he had been so sweet and welcoming towards him.
He turned to Ano again, as he started to move his eyes again. He smiled shyly, he wouldn't stop calling him P'softie, now that he had gotten permission without being bitten again, even though... he wouldn't mind it.
I won't stop calling him that now he answered back with a laugh as Pana butted in again. He had never felt so warm and at home with someone other than his family before, it felt nice, making him nothing but all smiles.

Then it must be true Ano said, Pana just snorted looking away, not sure how he could explain his need to be nice to Wayo...to just be around him. But it was like the second Wayo walked into there room Pana had felt this pull in his chest, he didn't have a word for it but the second he saw him Pana knew he wanted and needed him...and it was the most terrifying feeling ever. Pana felt his heart beat a bit faster when he saw the red glow in Wayo's cheeks it was suddenly hard to breathe. Then he means it...if he likes someone he will treat them like they hung the moon and stars...his heart is to big for his own good...thats why he acts like a dick...he is afraid to let people in and get hurt...because last time it ended with a car crash Pana felt his face going pale knowing full well were his brother was taking the conversation, it was mistake something he would never do again...why could Ano and his grandad understand that one kiss didn't make him fucking gay! Ano he said shaking his head not wanting to talk about it.

You won't see it...i don't wanna be mean to you...im not good with crying...other people that is...so i don't wanna be mean or make you cry he said moving a bit closer to Wayo, Pana couldn't help but laugh good because it's only for you...i don't want everyone thinking im nice he said in a small voice. The cute shy smile on Wayo's lips took his breathe away and fuck it was not fair that Wayo could look like that! as long as i can call you P'shorty its fine by me.

Ano looked at the two boys wishing he could smile and tell Pana to get his head out his ass, Pana...could you help me with something next time...you can bring Wayo to he said making Pana smile yeah sure right Wayo? he asked feeling a bit embarrassed that he forgot his brother for a moment, there is this really cute nurse...could you help me talk to him? can't really flirt like this...but like please help me he is like a Greek god...winky face Pana couldn't help but laughed and almost fall out the chair did you really just say 'winky face' oh god you are hopeless... he just kept on laughing and smiling at his little brother sure we can help you...what's this Greek gods name...you little flirt

He focused heavily on Ano's eyes as it was a longer reply, but he got all of it and his heart clenched a bit. He was beginning to talk about the car crash. Pana had talked about it being his dad that was mad because of his relationship to someone. He looked up at Pana, seeing his pale face let him know that he didn't want Ano to talk about it, also the warning to Ano, consisting of only his name.
Wayo squeezed Pana's hand gently, telling him it was alright, but if he didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't ask any questions about it.

The sudden urge of wanting to kiss Pana came as a complete surprise. He had never felt like this, but the way Pana was towards, the way he said that he didn't want to make Wayo cry, just made Wayo want to press his lips to his. It was such a dangerous thought and it almost pained him to throw it away so quickly as he smiled at Pana, a bit fake. Thanks he said gently, his breathing going a bit rapid, as Pana moved closer to him and it suddenly got warmer. Only for me? he asked with a bright smile. Gosh, what was Pana doing to him, it really wasn't fair, how could he not be aware of the effect he had on him.
He chuckled sweetly and nodded. I guess it's alright he said. Even though he hated being called short, it was okay that Pana did it.

Wayo turned back to Ano as Pana talked to him again and felt a bit guilty that they had just talked to each other. Wayo nodded as Pana asked him if he could come back. Wayo liked the idea, Ano was a sweet guy and funny too.
Wayo couldn't help but smile as Ano explained that he liked a nurse who worked there. So he was gay too? And Pana didn't have anything against it, it looked like. It made Wayo sigh in relief, he now knew that he would be able to tell him when they got back to the dorm.
He looked at Pana and Ano, as Pana couldn't stop laughing, it was such a joyous sound, that Wayo would love to hear any minute of the day.
A Greek god? He would be handsome then, very handsome. But as handsome as Pana? He blushed at his thought... Pana was hot.

Pana felt heat rise to his cheeks and his heart jump into his throat, he was so close to the other boy, fuck he could smell him! Pana looked into Wayo's eyes gulping down a lungful of air only for he whispered pulling away as fast as he could, feeling like if he didn't he would kiss the other boy and that was not something he ever wanted to do. He looked at Ano guilt and fear evident on his face this was wrong he couldn't act like this with Wayo! it was just wrong! he couldn't like a guy! liking a guy destroyed his life! liking a guy was not something his father would ever forgive him for and he couldn't let him down not after killing them. Pana loved his brother and he couldn't help but smile when he thought about his sweet little brother having a crush on someone.

Pana stopped laughing holding on to his stomach and wheezing a bit, it's not funny, he is so hot and im a 15 year old doll...i can't even have sex or wank...it sucks...and he is just so...uhg Pana shook his head giving Ano's forehead a kiss don't worry Romeo i will help just don't talk about wanking...nobody wants to hear about that...and if he has more than two brain cells he will love you...how can't he you are amazing he choked out feeling pain knowing Ano would never be in a relationship like that. We love Ano and i really wish there was a way to fix this...because i might not know much about dating men but i would love to help...if it makes you happy he said his eyes drifting to Wayo for a second, and i want you to be happy Pana whimpered and cried a bit more this time warping his arms around Wayo.

After the left, it was almost three o'clock Pana walked back to the dorm feeling drained and just about ready to collapse, so the second he got into the dorm he flopped down on the bed, he was slowly breathing and feeling his emotions twist inside him, he smiled sadly at Wayo thanks...for understanding he said warping himself around his pillow.

He smiled brightly as Pana said it was only for him. Only him, he was only sweet to him. Suddenly the greed rushed to him again as he felt some kind of possession towards Pana. He looked at him a bit confused when he pulled back quickly though, leaving air between them. It was a space he didn't want to have between them, but it wasn't something he could voice loudly. He just let it go as he looked at Ano with a small smile.

It was cute that Ano was in love, somehow he thought that Ano wouldn't want to worry about love when he was in the condition he was in, but the guy seemed to be so happy and lively like no other he had met, despite that he wasn't able to move at all. But the aura around him filled the whole place with some sort of life.
Wayo almost choked on air as Pana mentioned wanking. This was a very weird conversation, especially as Pana seemed to get sadder by the second. Pana was such a sweet brother, wanting to do anything for Ano, as long as it kept him happy. Wayo was an only child, he never felt the love of a sibling, but he could feel it between Pana and Ano. It was sweet.
He smiled sadly as Pana cried again, hugging Wayo. He just hugged him gently back as he soothed him.

As they had gotten back to the dorm, Wayo was so tired. He was not used to be dragged around like this without getting a break so he could sleep. He was really a sleepy head and Pana would soon find out. He would just randomly sleep at different times of the day, he had always been like that, he had always gotten the permission to do so from his dad if he needed it.
He smiled at Pana as Wayo sat on his own bed, facing towards Pana though.
How can I not, after you have been so sweet to me. he said gently and laid down sighing heavily.
Can... I tell you a secret? he asked a bit cautious. He should tell him he was gay right? It was the only right thing to do, they would have to live together for some time, he couldn't keep it a secret and it wasn't fair for Pana to not know, since he was touchy touchy, he needed to know what it might mean for Wayo.

Pana looked up from his pillow smiling at Wayo i should be nice to you every day then he said smiling before looking at Wayo raising his eyebrow sure? what is it? he said reassuringly not wanting Wayo to feel like he couldn't trust Pana not after the day they had...not after Pana opening up to him so much...he hoped Wayo would feel safe with him, so the older boy got up and moved over to Wayo's bed laying down next to him you know you can trust me right...i showed you a part of my life and you didn't think any less of me...so why should i think less of you...as long as you aren't a serial killer i don't care he said turning his head so he could look into Wayo's eyes smiling softly at him.

As the rest of the day went on Pana was sure nothing could ruin it, he was happy and for once calm, but as soon as he closed his eyes so he could finally go to sleep...it all went very very wrong, it started out slowly with him tossing and turning in bed gasping a bit, but the deeper he slept the worse the nightmare got, he was in the car with his mom, dad, Ano...and....Wayo...his dad was screaming and shouting at him telling him how much of a disappointment he was...how him and his mother had given up their dream of becoming doctors for him, how his mother worked as a cleaner in his school and his father had to be a math teacher to a bunch of stupid children that didn't care...and here Pana was sneaking around behind everyone's back kissing boys! Pana felt tears run down his cheek, it wasn't his fault...he fell in love with his best friend...how could love be a bad thing? his father looked at Pana and Wayo. Pana wanted to scream, how could his father hate him so much! his mother wouldn't even look at him just because he loved a boy, fear ran through his bloodstream when his father said he needed to be fixed like he was sick...and that he couldn't see Kiri anymore...he screamed at the top of his lungs IF YOU HATE ME SO MUCH THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE!, then he saw it DAD LOOK OUT! the car slammed into them throwing his mom and dad through the windshield and the glass stabbing through their head, Pana scream in pain looking down at his legs going into a wild panic when he couldn't feel them.. the looked around the backseat trying to find Ano...a pained whimper left his lips when he saw his little brother motionless on the road in front of him ANO!!!! he screamed. His eyes flew open as he was kicking and screaming in his bed punching the wall until his hands bleed.

He smiled and nodded, that would be nice. Not that Pana hadn't been nice to him all day though.
Wayo hesitated as he looked up at the ceiling. He couldn't hate him right? His brother was gay too, it would go against his feelings for his brother.
He looked up surprised as Pana had walked over to him and laid down beside him. Han turned around to look at him with wonder. He smiled when Pana said that he could trust him, that he wouldn't think any less of him. He couldn't help but cuddle into the older and hug him tightly. I'm gay... he mumbled and looked up at Pana, watching his reaction.

Wayo had been a bit silent for the rest of the day, mostly because he had taken a nap while Pana was still in his bed. It had been great, they were still friends, although they haven't talked about it much, which was okay, even though Wayo kinda wanted to talk more about it, as he was scared of Pana's thoughts.
But they had gone to sleep and as Wayo laid there peacefully asleep, he was jolted awake by Pana's screams. He looked worriedly over at Pana, who was kicking and screaming, punching the wall making his hands bleed.
Wayo was up in a second and hurried over to Pana, a bit hesitant as he looked down at him. What if he touched him and he hit him? He gulped as he softly grabbed his arms, stopping him from punching the wall.
Pana, Pana wake up, you are having a nightmare he said softly, trying not to scare him, he didn't want to trigger anything.

Pana let out a soft sigh as he felt Wayo cuddle into his side, Pana instinctively warped his arms around the young boy only to let out an almost relieved breath when heard Wayo's words, a small par of his brain was screaming at him that he had a chance, but he pushed that away not wanting to focus on it more than he needed, okay...ummm do you want me to stop being all touchy? i don't mind or care...but if it makes you feel uncomfortable i will stop...like i said...you can trust me he said softly into Wayo's hair loving the way he felt in his arms.

Pana wanted to say he didn't wake up screaming, crying his hands throbbing in pain, he opened his eyes looking around the room gasping as he tried to breathe, he looked at Wayo his whole body shaking, fuck! he shouted punching the bed, fuck sorry i didn't mean to wake you...i just thought that...it had been such a good day and...maybe i could sleep for once without...fuck...im sorry Wayo he muttered hugging his legs abit not wanting to look at the other boy, im sorry...i...will be back later he said getting up before leaving the room.

//out <3

Wayo smiled as Pana wrapped his arms around Wayo, not pushing him away. Every worry he had vanished as Pana didn't say much too it, he was calm about it, only asking him if Wayo wanted him to stop being so touchy. He shook his head and snuggled into Pana.
No, I don't want you to stop he mumbled. He just wanted Pana to know.

Wayo looked at him with worry. What was his nightmare about? He had heard dad and Ano, maybe it was about the crash? His look turned sad as he saw how frustrated Pana was about it, cursing and shouting. It's okay... I'm here he said gently. He backed a bit away though when he suddenly said that he had to go, but would come back. It pained him that he was going to leave, when Wayo wanted to comfort him, but he couldn't say anything, as he let the older leave and he went back to bed, not being able to sleep before the older was back.

//out//