It was like there was no more air left in the world

... And I was gasping, and I was panicking.

Date and time --/06/22 18.35
Place Diego and Danica's residence, Ellison Avenue nr 5
Outfit Black blouse, light blue jeans, worn shite sneakers and a few fingerings
Notes 178cm tall, brown eyes. Messy, unkempt hair.
Dedicated to @Danica and @Diego

She rang the doorbell, feeling how sweaty her palms were.  She was quite confident that this could either go really, really, well or turn out for the worst. Her fingers were fidgeting with each other, and she had trouble looking at the door, afraid of who would open the door. She had to talk without mistakes if it was the husband who opened. If it was the wife, there would be room for mistakes, room for emotions. She had yet to meet the older daughter, and she doubted it would be the son who opened. She exhaled nervously, closing her eyes as she could feel the aura of the husband approaching. This couldn’t be with mistakes. She knew her speech in and out. She had practiced it. Written it down on one- no, three napkins from the bar. The door opened and there stood the dark, very tall man, looking not so friendly. She was about to stammer, but no words left her. As soon as he raised a brow, she was quick to find the napkins numbered 1, 2, and 3. As soon as she found the first one, she opened it and looked at it for a while before she looked up to speak to him, without looking at the napkin. As soon as her eyes locked with his, it was like her voice was taken away once more. She looked down at the paper, hoping that this time, her words would come out of her mouth if she just looked at her napkin speech. Her mouth tried to move, but there was no success in speaking.
“Would you like to speak to Danica?” he said with his deep voice that at this very moment was enough to make her legs shake in fear. She looked up with sad, pleading eyes before she shakingly nodded. The tall dark sighed before he closed the door, but his voice could still be heard from the other side of the room. “Honey!” he called. “You got a guest,” he told her moving towards the kitchen, wanting to listen to the conversation. The kid by the door had after all almost killed his son.

It wasn’t that Danica hadn’t sensed Lauren nor smelt her, but she was stuck in an odd position on the couch where Danica had been lying with a book; she had wanted to get up for a few minutes now, feeling how the child inside of her uterus was pressuring down on her bladder in the most uncomfortable way possible, she had happily forgotten all of the trying and annoying aspects of being pregnant. So when it had knocked on the door, it had been Diego that had gotten up and walked to greet Lauren; even though Danica had no idea how he would react, Lauren had, after all, been the reason why Derek had been able to access the drugs that had made him end up on in a hospital bed for a few hours.
When Diego called for her, she huffed as she almost half rolled off the bed; even though she wasn’t more than a few months now, it felt like she was already nearing her nine-month pregnancy, and here she had thought pregnancy would get easier the more you have gone through. Lies.
Finally, she was on her feet and walked to the door. A warm and soft smile formed on her lips as she stepped in front of Lauren. “Hi Lauren”, she looked outside on the porch before nodding toward the bench “want to sit down for a moment?” nodding as she let her hand find her shoulder, gently guiding her over to where they could sit, leaving the door open as it was clear that Diego wanted to make sure that everything was fine; which was also the reason why Danica didn’t invite Lauren in, she didn’t wish to push it, even if she couldn’t get herself to be mad nor angry at the young woman.
“So, how are you doing, doing better?” she asked, clearly concerned.

Lauren’s eyes followed Diego as he moved away. Intimidated from having had a ‘conversation’ with the man. She heard how Danica got closer, but she didn’t look at her before Danica greeted her. “Hi Danica,” her voice got lower and lower as she noticed how healthy she looked. She envied it. Danica looked so soft and curvy and in general, she simply radiated another energy. She shook her head as Danica asked about sitting outside, mostly because she had to break her staring. The brown eyes found the bench before she gave a short nod and turned to the bench, followed by Danica and her guiding hand.
They sat down and she could feel how everything eased a little. She nodded, “Yeah, I’m better,” she replied, before she closed her eyes, clearly bothered by something, “I mean, I feel like shit, but ya know,” she took a sharper breath in, before sighing, “I’m… Cleaner…” she pulled a small smile, nodding a little before she finally looked at Danica. “I got no pills at all,” she said keeping eye contact with Danica. “I’m really sorry about what happened with the boy… I-I didn’t mean to,” she tried to explain, knowing very well it had been a long time ago, but she hadn’t really had the chance to apologize. After all, the cops had picked her up in her home the same day, and when she got probation, she had focused on getting away with all of her stuff had been one of her highest priorities. She couldn’t get caught with things. But even with that mindset, she had kept some weed to calm her down. She even had one in her pocket. Rolled and in a tightly locked plastic bag so the smell of it would be kept away. “I would never-” her smile had trouble staying on her lips. “I really hope he’s okay,” she said with a slightly wider smile that was easier to keep on her lips.

Danica nodded understanding, not that she liked hearing that Lauren was doing shit—she didn’t look like she was doing better either, but she was at least glad that Lauren was honest with herself; that was an excellent step to take.
“Oh, honey”, she whispered, and without asking, she put an arm around Lauren’s shoulder and pulled her into her embrace, letting the side of her head press against the soft brown hair. She wished she could do more for the created werewolf, but the only thing she could right now was at least comfort her as it seemed like she was breaking apart in the older woman’s arms.
“Derek is fine, he doesn’t really remember what happened, and we made sure that his time at the hospital was ‘fun’,” she assured Lauren moving a little away so she could push some of her hair behind her ear. Danica looked at her with a soft expression. “I’m pleased to hear that you are doing better in terms of drugs”, she whispered, leaning in so she could place a soft kiss against Lauren’s temple “things will be better; I believe in you, Lauren, don’t ever forget that” of course, she could just scold her and tell her off, not wanting to hear her apology—but she would much rather just help her than shoo her away.

Lauren took a sharp breath in when Danica wrapped her arm around her. It was a comfortable embrace that she hadn’t really been able to get anywhere else. Getting a hug from her friends was one thing, but Danica was both like a mentor, and also in a position where Lauren potentially could look at her as a mother role. A role that Lauren couldn’t get properly at home. It was quite difficult, even though she somewhere in the back of her mind knew that her mother wished the best for her, just like Taylor and Nessa. They just didn’t understand. The Serpents knew the part about being in the gang, and how it was her family, and Danica she knew about the rehabilitation. Then there was the fact that she was a turned werewolf, and she didn't really have anyone that could share that burden with her. Share their experiences of being turned. Even though she was allied with the Sunset Prowlers, she didn't couldn't get the help she wished for.
Lauren’s smile quivered a little as she got the news about how the boy had had a good time, besides from the overdose that Lauren so dearly had caused him without knowing it. Lauren’s eyes looked up at Danica as she pulled away and corrected some of the slightly unruly hair. The smile stabilized as Danica praised her for doing better. Her eyes closed as she received the kiss on her temple. “Thanks,” she whispered she mumbled and dried her cheek, even though there was nothing on it. “I just really wish for both you and you man to understand that I was never out for any of you… I can’t imagine how much trouble I have cost you,” she said shaking her head a little. Lauren glanced toward the front door, hearing how Diego mumbled something. She bit her bottom lip, being quite certain that the apology wasn’t fully accepted by the man. “I know it probably sounds crazy, but I’m taking a break from my family,” she whispered, “They aren’t able to understand what I’m going through and-” she stopped and corrected her eyes from her hands that had fumbled around with each other to her eyes, “So, my mom and Taylor might come by and ask for me,” she explained. “And if you want to tell them where I am, you can just tell them I’m with the Serpents,” she explained and nodded a little to approve of her words. She was quite certain that her mother and sister knew that already, but there was of course a chance that they believed she sought shelter somewhere else.

Danica let out a soft sigh and nodded, a more solemn smile forming over her lips as she let her hand fold around Lauren’s cheek. “I know, honey, I know” hell, Danica had done some pretty insane and stupid things while she had been heavily under the influence, and she knew what it was when you were chasing that high you got the first time you tried a drug. How you always wished for more, but each time you took another hit, it wasn’t as good as the first time. Always wanting to get exactly that feeling, you chased it until you didn’t feel anything. You could just sit there in your rouse and not feel anything—that was when things started to become meaningless, as if you weren’t going through enough; that one thing that took the pain away suddenly stopped working. Or at least you needed to take more and experiment with new things, but it never became as good as that first time.
Danica gave her a soft smile and nodded, understanding that she needed a break because it was hard when people around you didn’t understand—or just had enough, so there wasn’t any room for forgiveness or even trust that this time would be different.

“Of course, I will; I would love to tell you that you can stay here—“ she looked toward the window and then back at her; “but do you have somewhere you can be?” she wondered, not wanting her to go back to Southside, one thing was being with the serpents, but surrounding yourself with people that were taking drugs, it wasn’t a great help.

Daniela had been over at her daughter's house; it was a little over a week since her parents and Irina had come and gotten her from Maxim’s house. Nigel had managed to get her a house just a few streets from here, and she had borrowed a few things just until she had been able to get it herself. It was still weird, and she still felt the fear in her each day she woke up. But when she had wanted to go back home, Irina had asked her to drop something off at Diego and Danica’s house; apparently, they were expecting that Irina had thought they could get the clothes that Archibald had already grown out off.
She was just about to walk up the stairs when she saw the two women on the porch. “Oh, hello”, a broad smile formed over her lips; “I'm Irina’s mother; I’m here to drop some baby clothes off?” she said, not wanting to disturb, but there wasn’t anything more horrible than people just standing and watching you, while you had an intimate talk.

Danica truly knew how to calm Lauren, or maybe Lauren just felt safe with her, because they had some similar difficulties. The more time Lauren spent with Danica, she was quite certain, that she was going to be an amazing mother. No doubt. Lauren nodded, Danica didn’t have to explain anything, she understood very well why her man wouldn’t want her inside the house again. Who knew if she was going to mess up and put all of them in the hospital? “The bar, and it’s fine. The couches are alright,” she mumbled, even though sometimes the floor was more of her cup of tea. Besides she knew that Jack’s old office upstairs was quite cozy.

Lauren had smelled the lady a long time ago, but everything about her had seemed so calm, that she didn’t put much thought to it. At least, that was until she greeted them, and Lauren looked towards her. She was a beautiful woman. Lauren raised a hand and gave her a lazy wave before she looked at her hands and picked at them shortly. She glanced up however when she mentioned baby clothing. Lauren’s eyes corrected themselves towards Danica and gestured her to take it. Lauren could enjoy the fresh air for a moment.

Danica gave Daniela a soft smile and got up from where she had been sitting “that is amazing, thank you so much”, she said as she took the bags and walked inside to show Diego what they had gotten; something told her that maybe it was a good thing to let the two ladies be on their own for a moment.
For a moment, Daniela just stood there; her eyes had followed the hybrid as she had walked inside before they turned to the werewolf sitting on the bench looking worse for wear; if she was being honest, she looked much like she had looked for just a few days ago; luckily she healed quickly, and it was only the bruises hidden away by her clothing that was still visible to the eye. “I’m Daniela”, she introduced herself, unable to hide the slight Russian accent as she walked over and sat down next to Lauren.
“I know this might be extremely forward, but I couldn’t help but overhear; you are sleeping on a couch?” she lifted her brow, she couldn’t be much older than her youngest daughter, and she would hate if her daughter were running around somewhere without a place to stay; “I have a guest bedroom and more than enough space if you want?” she offered, maybe it was the motherly instinct in her that couldn’t just let a girl like that not have a proper bed to sleep in.

Lauren watched how Danica got up and took the clothing. It didn’t take long from when Danica got inside till one could hear the beta inside laugh happily from what they had gotten. One could almost imagine the smile on his face. It saddened Lauren that she wasn’t able to see it somehow. She started picking at her hands while listening to the happy couple inside. It was difficult not to hear them be so happy.
Lauren looked up as the woman presented herself, “Lauren,” she returned the presentation. Her eyes didn’t stay at her for long before she started looking at her fingers that fiddled with each other. She bit her lip as the roman started mentioning where Lauren slept. “Yeah,” she mumbled with a slightly hoarse voice, making her clear it while she nodded. She hadn’t taken her eyes off her fingers, but her fingers slowed down as there was presented a place to stay. She opened her mouth and let her tongue press thoughtfully against her teeth, “It’s very sweet of you, Daniela,” she replied and licked her lips before she looked up at the mother to Irina. “But-eh…I uh… I don’t even know why I’m here,” she chuckled a little, “Trouble follows where I go and,” she took a sharper breath in, licking her lips before she turned her head to look at the door where she could hear the couple laughing, thinking back to the trouble she had caused. She looked back to her hands that picked at her nails a little more aggressively. She could only think about how much trouble she could end up causing to Daniela’s family, “I don’t want to jinx more families,” she said barely letting herself breathe. She was angry at herself for the things that had happened.

Daniela couldn’t help the small smile that formed over her lips; “I can tell you why you’re here”, she said with a soft voice, not wanting to push her idea onto Lauren, but she could see that the girl was grasping for straws to keep her above water. She wanted nothing more for the young werewolf to take her line and crawl back into safety. “Because even though you might think that you jinx families and you shouldn’t have one on your own, you’re still hoping that someone would be there when you need it”, she theorised; she had been the same, not thinking she had deserved anyone to come and safe her. But that had been rubbish, and she discovered that she was indeed worthy of love and supported each day.
“My family is already jinxed, and I don’t think whatever you’ll bring to my door nor what you might end up doing will be that bad; besides, I live alone, and I have five children, all grownups, so I can’t have been that bad, given they are all alive” okay, so some of them had turned out better than others. But she blamed that on the circumstances than herself. At least that was what she had to do so that she wouldn’t fall into endless despair and self-pity. There was a rather good quote about there being only so much for a period of your life that one could blame one's parents for trauma and shortcomings. At one point, you just had to grab life by its horns and wrestle it to the ground.

Lauren looked at her while biting her lip. She wished to know why, even though she had ideas of why. She wished to apologize and hoped for shelter. The latter didn’t seem like it was possible. The words shattered her heart, and she pulled on a pained smile. God how it hurt. She truly wished for someone to be there for her when she needed it, and right now, she didn’t feel like her family at home would be there for her as she needed it. She didn’t want to burden her cousins in the serpents, and she knew very well that Reina would be all over Landon if she tried to seek his comfort.
Lauren had trouble swallowing the pill that she was handed. The helping hand that Daniela gave her. Her smile quivered a little as she continued to explain how she had had multiple children, who were all grown up now. “I,” she stuttered the word a couple of times, “I have threatened my mom with a glass shard from a painting,” she spoke softly. “I lost my fucking finger because I flipped someone off,” she said and shortly looked at her shortest finger. “I’ve been in prison because I was foolish enough to forget drugs in a bathroom where children- He ate my pills,” she confessed, with her voice shattering by the four last words. She pointed toward the front door, before she pointed to her chest, “I have overdosed twice… It’s a fucking miracle that I’m still here,” she said before she let a hand glide through her hair. “I’m a nightmare to live with, Daniela. I really appreciate your offer but I,” she licked her lips as she tried to find the words, “I can’t offer you my company. You don’t deserve that,” she replied, pushing away the helping hand that she needed so much.

She eased her heart. Daniela listened. Sitting there patiently, she noticed how Danica had come to the door but had decided to stay there—listing Daniela would guess but didn’t comment on it. Right now, it was more important that Lauren managed to get the things she needed off her chest.  
Then a smile formed over her chest when she was done. Not that she felt that it was all right everything that had happened to Lauren, nor what she had done. But in times like these, one didn’t need more reminders of why they didn’t deserve love; they needed to be shown why they should love themselves despite all the wrongs they had done. Yes, one could easily argue that Lauren was a danger to herself and everyone around her. Still, the fact that she knew that she had done things she shouldn’t have, was already more than enough for Daniela “oh sweetheart”, she whispered, and without asking permission, she pulled the werewolf into her arms and placed a hand on the back of her head. “I’m not going to tell you that what you have done wasn’t wrong, but what I am going to tell you that you are still deserving of good in your life, and what you just told me doesn’t scare me away from inviting you into my home, sweetheart you need a stable place to stay, and I can help you and want to help you, to my best of capability, granted it will be tough, and there will be times where you disappoint yourself and those around you, but that’s okay, the most important thing is that we try, all right?”

She was pulled into Daniela’s embrace. She felt like she was shaking but it was probably just all of Lauren’s world that made her feel like that. There was something in her, that wished to push her away – it would be for the better. She closed her eyes that almost immediately got wetter and more irritated from that. Her hands folded into fists, trying to make her focus on the pain her nails created in her palms. She was even tempted to let her claws out to make sure she could focus. She listened to Daniela’s words to her best capability. Her own thoughts were almost canceling out the words spoken. A sob left Lauren and she shook her head. Both to having to deal with disappointment and the thoughts that went on in her head. How she didn’t deserve the hand that was given to her by a stranger. She should tell her to go back to where she came from and take care of her children, so they wouldn’t end up like her. That Daniella should have better things to do than offering a place to stay to a recovering drug addict. A home. None of those mean thoughts left her. She started nodding, and another sob left her. She dried her nose with the back of her hand. “Okay,” she mumbled, almost choked by another sob. Lauren couldn’t even get herself to wrap her arms around Daniela, but she leaned toward her.

Daniela knew that it was risky. That she would potentially put herself in a situation where Lauren would either relapse or become right down spiteful and mean. But when you had lived with an abusive husband as long as she had, when you had children that also needed a home, how could she turn away when she had this woman falling apart in her arms. So strong that she wouldn’t even let herself be pulled into an embrace. Not that Lauren had pulled away. She could, however, feel how the werewolf was contemplating. Thinking. Going over all the mean things that her mind was telling her. But it seemed like she managed to push them away far enough to tell Daniela—okay.
So, she didn’t let go. Instead, she pulled her further into her embrace and just sat there for a moment. Letting everything settle before Danica stepped out and cleared her throat, a small smile formed over her lips. “Do you need me to drive you back home, or?” she wondered, Danila shaking her head, “I have my car by Irina; I just walked over here to give you the clothes” Danica nodded and would make sure to thank Irina herself when she got the chance. “Do you need to go somewhere to pick up your things? Then we can drive there right away?” Daniela asked as she gently released the embrace she had given Lauren and moved away so she could look at the young girl.

Lauren’s thoughts were far from nice to her, and they could easily pull or push her in the wrong direction. Closer to what she had kept herself from. Relapsing, threatening the people she held dear, or something much worse. The longer she stayed in the arms of the woman who was still categorized as a stranger, the more she was able to mute the thoughts and voices. Hopeful thoughts started to spread ever so slowly, some of them dying as quickly as they appeared, but there was a small hope that spread in her, enough to make her dry her tears away and slowly quiet the sobs. She heard Danica and instantly knew that she had heard Lauren’s vent. She didn’t want to look at her and see the possible worried look she carried. Even if the worried look was full of care and love, she couldn’t contain it and simply stayed in the stranger’s arms. She listened to their conversation, and slowly looked up as she felt the embrace loosening. “I got a bag in southside, but I can pick it up tomorrow,” she told Daniella. She didn't want to bring Daniela to Southside, especiall not at this hour. Lauren always had a bag of belongings in Southside, just so she could live for a while away from the household. She did however also have a bag at home, but she barely knew what it contained.

Daniela gave Lauren a soft smile and nodded “well, then you’ll do that, and we’ll drive past a supermarket instead, making sure that we have the things you need for the night” she got up and then guided Lauren toward the car that was parked in the driveway. Danica had waved them off, before she had stepped inside of her home, walking over to Diego where she wrapped her arms around him from behind, placing her head against his broad back and closing her eyes. She knew it had been hard for him to let Lauren stay so close to his son after what had happened, but she was happy he had let her; because even though Lauren had done something that could easily be seen as unforgettable she still had to hope that one day she would be able to see a happy and healthy girl. A woman even. That was loved and knew she was. She was just thankful that Daniela had been able to offer her home so easily, but she had known from the first meeting that Daniela had a lot of love to give, especially now that she had gotten out of her own personal nightmare.

Daniela started the car and drove off “anything you really like eating for dinner but haven’t had in a very long time?” Daniela asked with a soft smile curling over her lips as she drove off to the nearest supermarket. Hopefully, they could get some peace and quiet and Lauren could feel what it was like to stay in a place where she felt safe.

Lauren gave Daniela a soft trying, soft smile. She got up from the bench a second after Daniela. Lauren shortly caught Danica’s hand and squeezed it shortly before she left to follow Daniela. Lauren had left a small note in Danica’s hand. An apology letter to the household. She had written it just in case she forgot all the things she wished to say.

Lauren got into the car. She put on her seatbelt feeling a small sense of anxiety build in the bottom of her stomach. While her fingers were picking at her finger and the few rings she carried, she looked at the car’s interior. It was odd, how her thoughts kept on looking for things that could satisfy her mind in some kind of way. It was first when Daniela asked about dinner, that she looked up at her. “Umh,” she said, furrowing her brows shortly after while thinking. There were a lot of dishes she liked to have and that she missed having but as she thought through it, there was something that made her tastebuds sing. “Shepherd's pie,” the reply seemed to be without hesitation. Of course, she could ask for Beef Wellington, sushi, duck, or something completely wild and expensive – but it wasn’t something she missed.

A laugh left Daniela, then she nodded “well, you’re in luck; I make a mean goulash and a delicious Shepherds pie—you see, my mother was always rather fond of creating things herself, and with that followed having her animals she would take care off until they couldn’t live much longer or give produce, then she would slaughter them and show us how to make the most of all the meat that came out of it; not that I think it will taste as good with the meat from the store, but I’m sure we’ll make it work” she said with a soft smile “do you know how to cook yourself? Or isn’t it something you like?” she wondered, not wanting to ask Lauren to help her if she didn’t have any desire actually to stand in the kitchen. But when the kids had been younger, before Michiel had died, she had always gotten the kids into the kitchen and made her help cook dinner, even if they always managed to make twice the mess when they helped her. Another reason why it had stopped after Maxim had married her—he didn’t tolerate messes after all.
“Oh,” she said as if she had just remembered something; she made sure to keep her eyes on the road as she leaned back and with her arm slung around the seat, she managed to grab something and then procured a small fidget gadget that she had bought for Mila, but she had forgotten in her car last time she had been at her place. “here, might help on the anxiety,” she said with a smile.

A shy smile snuck its way to Lauren’s lips as Daniela explained that she was good at making goulash and Shepherd’s pie. She tried to listen as well as possible while she told the story of her mother. A peal of small laughter left Lauren as she mentioned that the meat from the store might not be as good as the meat that her mother used to produce. She gave a few small nods to tell Daniela, who was busy at looking at the road, that she had listened. Mostly. She might have zoned out and listened to some of the many odd thoughts. She shook her head a little and looked toward Daniela as she asked her a question. “I uh,” she swallowed a lump. She hadn’t heard the question and tried to see if she could figure out what the question was. They were talking about dinner, and she mentioned how she was great at cooking. Was there something she didn’t like? “I mean, it’s not like I’m that good in the kitchen,” she replied softly. “And I haven’t made Shepherd’s pie before,” she added and moved a little around on the seat, so she leaned a little more toward the backrest. “My mom never really liked to have me in the kitchen,” she said and took a deeper breath. Her finger caught a hangnail, which made her scrunch her nose a little. “I always had to double check things and it just slowed everything down and,” another deep breath was taken, “When the family was hungry, it was easier just to let me and Tay sit with my dad,” she said pulling the hangnail off. She clenched her teeth from the pain that the hangnail, but it made her think of something else than how much she missed her dad.
Lauren glanced toward Daniela as she moved her arm behind the seats, and when Lauren was handed a fidget gadget, she looked at it for a moment, to process how it was going to be used, not that it took long before she started to fidget with it. It was nice, how it didn’t make any sound, and wouldn’t cause harm.

Daniela could feel the sad smile spread over her lips; she understood that feeling far better than Lauren might think. But she didn’t say anything; the last thing Lauren needed to hear was Daniela’s own traumas. Not that she believed the werewolf wouldn’t want to listen to it, but more, she had her own thing that she needed to go through.
“Well, then today we’ll make Shepperd’s pie together, and it doesn’t matter how slow you work on things, we’ll figure things out; besides its only us that needs to eat it; it doesn’t have to be fancy” Daniela laughed in a low and heart-warming laugh.

It didn’t take long before they could park the car in the parking lot of one of the bigger shopping malls where you could get everything you needed. One of those places where you always came out with far more than you have bargained for, because of all the sales that were; or maybe you just found something that you needed at the moment—but when you were home, was standing there thinking what the hell did they need that for.
“All right, I have some bags in the trunk then we’ll go,” she said as she got out of the car and walked around, taking the nets for shopping and then started walking into the mall when she was sure that Lauren was following “would you mind pushing the trolley?” she wondered, when the passed them, she walked in and placed a pound in the slot and then pulled it out, letting Lauren lean on it while they walked inside, then she would fill the wagon when different things they needed for tonight's dinner.