When there is nothing left to say, just keep silent and let it speak volumes of what is left unsaid

DATE | Around 6th of may
TIME | Midday, maybe?
WEATHER | It's gloomy and heavy clouds around Edens house
PLACE | Small cottage that Eden has taken residence in
ATTIRE | Dirty dress, torn and ripped, looked nice before

After meeting Michael and Ash. Eden had closed herself off. Normally she would have been walking around the archives, reading out in the sun and trying to figure out how to go around this new life. But it had been too much this time. Between Remy ignoring her, and not only in the sense that he just demised her every time she tried to talk to him. No, every time she tried to get near him, he disappeared just as her heart had been filled with hope as she thought that this time, he would be ready to see her, to talk with her. Understanding that she was indeed back.
But never did she have such luck. In the start Eden had told herself that it was okay, she understood that it was too much for him. She really did and had been alright with it in the start. But after she had seen Ash, she had understood that she would never be the same again, she wouldn’t be Eden, the sweet summer child. Eden the rebel teenager. Eden the good friend, the lover, the mother. None of those.
She wouldn’t be Zadkiel, the good brother, the best friend that gave the best hugs. The saint, the forgiver. None of those. Who was she? And why had God brought her back, only to be met by those people around her, looking at her like she wasn’t there. Throwing her out as they didn’t need her or didn’t want her. Her children that didn’t believe it, didn’t wanted to believe it. Michael so swept away in sorrow and unwillingness to forgive himself, believing that he was the villain in every life that he had entered. She had been strong then, gave him her shoulder and her ear. She had told her that it was alright to stumble, lose your way in the dark. But she was never willing to try to fix herself. Because why was this happening?
Again, it was alright. She had told herself that. So many days after her rebirth or creation. Whatever it was god had done to her. But how was it okay! How was any of this alright!? A scream had left her, as she started throwing all of her things around.
The breaking of pots and plants smashing towards the walls. Dirt, broken chairs and glass over the floor as she sank down and started crying. Let it all out. The pain of remembering death, not only once but twice. Once alone in the dark as demons tore at their body. The other in the arms of a friend, and daughters sitting nearby not understanding that this was goodbye.
Crying of the pain of unrequited love over so many years. The pain of not being able to let go, and still to this day didn’t understand why she couldn’t just let it go.
Pain of seeing brothers and sisters not being able to forgive those that had stepped wrong.
Everything was wrong, too hard to bear alone. She felt so alone.

So Alone

She didn’t know how many days had gone by. She knew a couple of people had come by. Knocked asking if everything was alright. In the start they had been meet by screams telling them to go away. Something breaking against the door.
After some time, she had just asked them while crying, to please leave her alone. Until it had been silent. But when the silence started, so did the doubt and hurt.
Her hair filtered around her filthy face only clean where tears had glided down her cheeks. Cuts on her fingers and hands, that was now long gone, still lingered in the way of dried-up blood and soil. Her beautiful white dress was dirty and torn, as if she had just run through the forest without a care in the world. Maybe she didn’t care anymore.
It knocked on the door again, she knew that her aura was dimmed almost gone because of the lack of sleep and how she had acted the past days. “Go away” her hoarse voice said “Just please, please go away”

The snug cottage looked beautiful even through the dramatic clouds. Remy was leaned onto the rough bark of a large tree nearby, trying to focus on his breathing. Her aura was so weak that he barely felt it all the way over here. It had been so strong in the beginning that whenever he had felt it around him, a surge of panic had grabbed onto him, genuinely making him wonder if he would faint; so he had spent a good month avoiding it however he could. Actually, he had spent a good month avoiding just about everyone. Buried himself in official business. Paperwork. The Prayer Room. The archives. Anything to keep his mind busy. He’d even taken up the investigation of Maeve Poe, obsessively trying to find out whatever he could about the small human in hopes of finding her. Something new had happened; he could feel it. Something inside her, but he hadn’t been able to put his fingers on what exactly it was.
Now he was here, staring at the cabin for God knew how long, not having the courage to simply go knock on the door. He could feel her pain as clearly as he could feel his own heartbeat.
His siblings had all scolded him for not going to see her and it had finally collided in a fight with his brother, Michael. A lot of shouting. Now he was here; and he felt oddly empty inside. For once the dark clouds on the sky weren’t his doing, and he looked at them with knitted eyebrows, as if it was their fault, that he wasn’t feeling anything but void and empty. With a loud groan he pushed himself off the tree to finally cross the flower-speckled meadow. He tried to focus on the flowers. On the beautiful cottage. On the dark sky. But all he could feel was her dim aura, flickering dangerously in the emptiness on the forest. He stared at the door, wondering why she hadn’t opened it yet. She must have felt his aura hours ago when he first got here, but nothing had moved since then.

Finally, he knocked on the door. All the emotions hit him at once, when her broken voice reached him. His hand opened up and he placed it on the door, trying to steady himself from the wave of pain. Remy had thoroughly believed that he had no tears left, but the force of the wave of emotions pushed it all out of him. Silently, slowly but steadily, the salty tears ran down his cheeks. He could taste the salt on his parted lips. She sounded broken. Like she had been shouting for days. The sound had him close his eyes quickly and forcefully, as to shoo away the image of Genesis, that had popped up in his mind.
“Edie?” He whimpered, desperately trying to keep his voice from breaking; not succeeding. The tears continued their silent path along his face, and at this point he had given up on drying them off. “I - uh - understand if you don’t want to see me,” he muttered, drawing a sharp breath through his nose, to avoid another whimper or a loud sob. “But I just came to say that I’m here, okay?”
The silence that met him was deafening. She was still there though; hadn’t teleported away like he had so cowardly done for the whole month.
Remy sniffled, and took his hand off the wooden door, slowly squatting down. He leaned back on his but, staring out into the empty. How had he messed up so many things lately. What had become of him? He had always been a diplomat and a teacher, yet he had in no way been able to talk to Uriel and had shooed away from Eden. He had been picking little fights with his siblings and run off into the forest to not deal with life.
Remy leaned his head back onto the wooden panels behind him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

She closed her eyes, of course she had felt his aura, of course she knew that he was there. But that had just made it worse. It had taken hours before he had come closer and knocked on her door. What had he expected that she would fling open her door and welcome him back with open arms, because he had now decided that he was ready to see her? It was like she was being reprimanded for something she hadn’t done. Of course, she had said yes, she had taken in the two souls and was trying to become a new person. Maybe she was punished for simply just living. Bringing pain instead of salvation. But how was that fair? How was any of this fair.
She drew back a shaky breath as he said her nickname, she just wanted him to go away, but no words came out and she put her arms around her shaking legs and pulled them close to her chest.
She had to be the bigger person again, didn’t she? She had to open that door and let him in, telling him she understood. Again, she would have let him in, only to be reminded that he would never love her as she loved him. It wasn’t fair to any of them, it wasn’t fair for her as it was clear her feelings would never really disappear. It wasn’t fair to him because he shouldn’t be punished for not replicating her feelings. But in the end, the only solution would just be to part their ways, wouldn’t it? The thought made her let out a whimper of a cry as her whole body covered in a prickling cold feeling. It was so unfair!

After some time, she tried to dry of her tears, as she slowly got up on her feet. Her legs gave out and she had to take in a deep breath before she got up again. Her fingers found the handle of her door, and ever so slowly not to take away the surface that Remy was leaning up against so he would fall down. She got down on her knees and put her arms around him, pulled him into her warmth and closed her eyes.
There were so many things she wanted to tell him. Scold him for running away, not just talking to her and others explain why he needed time away. Tell him that it was alright, and she would always be there, that he could come back whenever he was ready. Then to realising that she couldn’t do that anymore. They couldn’t be the same as they had once been. Her the blue eyes apprentice looking in admiration towards Remiel. How her heart had filled to the brim for him, and she would have followed him to hell and back. But she couldn’t keep doing this to herself. Not when he had punished her for something she couldn’t control, something she didn’t understand. It was time for her to be her own person, taking these steps alone and become something bigger than just his shadow, even as he had always tried to put her in front. She never let herself, and he had never seen it. Even as she had broken free, and had found love in Paris, love in Poland. But she had always come back running to heaven and her responsibilities to God, because she knew that meant she could be close to Remy. Only to end up running away again, to settle with the worst man she could have found, just to feel something. Just to have someone love her. How desperate did a person have to be?

But she wasn’t that person anymore. She was a new-born angle, still just trying to keep both her feet on the ground. Being summoned to earth had been such a painful experience not only because of the friends and family she had to face on new. But because of how draining it had been. The realization that she had to wait for her children to come to her, and one of them would never be able to visit her here in heaven. So, they would have to wait till she could be on earth more than just mere hours before the calling back to heaven became too strong.

So, she ended up not saying anything. She let her fingers glide over his face, drying away his tears and cradling it against her chest in the end. “Oh Remy, the months hasn’t been kind to you, I’m so sorry” she whispered and closed her eyes as she put her head on top of his.

He had no idea how much time had passed when he finally felt some movement behind him. Remiel, who had shuffled up, into a corner between the doorframe and a wooden panel, lifted his head to get a better view of the entrance. He leaned forwards, so the door wouldn’t hit him if she was going to open it with force, but it opened very slowly and cautiously.
Remy let out a surprised groan as she wrapped herself around him. His whole body stiffened in shock before he finally felt himself melt in her arms and he frantically pulled her closer. He had expected shouting, aggressive crying and maybe even a few screams of frustration; but not this. A loud sob pressed it’s way through his throat, as he grabbed onto whatever fabric he could grab onto, just to feel that she was in fact there. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. His throat felt thick and rough and he wasn’t sure she would be able to understand a single word coming from his hoarse voice. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you hope.
Despite of his siblings telling him over and over, a small part of him still hadn’t fully believed that this was actually Eden. The strange feeling of Zadkiel’s aura, that was now her aura had made it even the more difficult. Right now, her aura was strangely weak and felt a lot less confusing; a rather scary thought to him. She deserved all the glory and all the powerful things that had come with her being reborn. The thought that he had had a part in her essence fading made him nauseous.

The months haven’t been kind to you.
Remy let out a loud whimper. How could she even say that? How could she even focus on that and not on how utterly, ridiculously childish he had been to not want to see her? How heartbreakingly stupid he had been. Were there really any excuses? She had been the one to die. He had been through a lot; more pain than he had felt in many thousand years, but he hadn’t been the one to die. Even if that was exactly what he had asked of God. That Eden would come back and take his place. Perhaps that was why he had not known how to deal with her return. He had thought he could give up his life for hers and not be there to see it. Not be at all in fact. Simply allow her to come back for her children.
He didn’t know when the tears had started; perhaps they had never actually stopped. He wanted to say so many words; so many apologies, so many prayers, but all that came out of his mouth as he parted his lips was another little sob shaking through his body, as her strong arms pulled him towards her chest. He felt like he was falling apart all over again, but this time around, he allowed the calm of her heartbeat to lull him away from the heartbreak. She had a beating heart. What more could he have ever asked for?
“I found him, Edie,” he whispered into the torn fabric of her dress. “I found Uri but he doesn’t remember me.” There was so much unjust in the world right now; he really genuinely thought so. So much more than usual. Everyone he cared for were falling apart and he didn’t feel strong enough to help any of them. He had been blaming himself for that, thinking that perhaps when he was weak; other people had a harder time finding hope.

A small hum left her throat as he started to apologize. It was nice to know that he did know that what he had done had hurt her, and he knew that it hadn’t been fair. Then could she really ask him for more? The power given to her, to always see forgiveness was the better option were the biggest factor for her not to even be mad at him anymore. She had thought that there would be screaming, that she would throw him out and tell him never to come back. So many dark thoughts had been in the back of her mind, but as she held him close it was like her best friend were back into her arms. But this time the roles bad been reversed. She was here to mentor him how to get better and let it all go.

As he started to cry, she just held him closer and closed her eyes. Small whispers that told him that it would be okay, that she was there for him now. Left her lips as she put her head down on his and pulled him even closer. Like a mother that was protecting her child from all the bad that happened in the world.

I found him, Edie
Her brows knitted towards each other and she slowly opened her eyes. I found Uri but he doesn’t remember me. Oh no. Just another big disappointment. His best friend, his brother that always had been there by his side. She didn’t even know that he was gone before she had gotten back not even a year ago. How the heaven was falling apart, not wonder that god had felt that the Archangel for Forgiveness needed to come back. It wasn’t only Remy that needed help, Michael too was in dire need of understanding that he needed to let the guilt go. What a time she had returned to. A small smile formed on her lips as she understood those words were Zadkiel and not her own. Still getting used to the fact that two or more souls needed to find a common ground. “I’m so sorry Remy, but the part that matters is you found him, and knowing that you have people around you that will help you, help Uriel to get his memory back. Just remember that you are not alone” she finally said, pulling away a little and removing some of the tears that had fallen from his eyes.

“This is no good” she whispered and shook her head, she slowly let go of him and got up on her feet. She held her hand down towards him to help him get up “Come” she said and gave him a small smile “I think we could both use some cheering up” an almost challenging smile formed on her lips and her eyes sparkled with newfound joy.

» Speak of the devil
» Silent is the sinner
» Silent scream | Kol & Veronica
» The love you left behind
» It was like there was no more air left in the world