How far can you go before you fall?

It hadn't taken Lexie a long time to get a hold on Elias, or perhaps a little while, because she had to wake the sleeping werewolf up, but it hadn't taken long for Elias to get her home. Which now left Nicole and Aleks alone in the living room. Since well Bash didn't really live her anymore, but had found his own place with Camila. The silence was heavy at first, because she knew what he had seen, which also meant he had also seen how long it had lasted, which was seconds. "I'm sorry about all of it - I didn't mean for any of it to happen," she apologized, realizing just how out of control she had been acting and feeling for that moment. It was no excuse that she had felt so drawn to Ryan, but she also came to realize how stupid it had been. Nicole took a sharper breath in, "I don't know what came over him," she was almost in shock over how Ryan had acted. Not just towards her, but mostly towards Aleks, Lexie. Something really had pushed him off the edge, and a part of her wanted to find out what.

Aleks had plenty of questions, but he felt like if he first started asking them, they would never start coming. She didn’t mean for it to happen, he nodded a little, thinking about her words and about how they sounded. Did she seem to be meaning it or was she just trying to save herself from a discussion so she could think things through? He shook his head a little as she wondered what had come over Ryan. “When he sees me, he is only seeing red, that’s something I can assure you,” he said with a short laugh. “I think I’m the one who pushed him,” he mumbled a scratched his neck a little. “Maybe we should get some sleep and talk about this in the… Late morning,” he offered feeling how his eyes were somewhat tired and knew that the time was way past both of their sleep schedules, and at this time of the night, he simply just got pissier and pissier.

"All these years and I still don't get why he hates you that much? Is it just the entire Rose thing or what?" Nicole wondered, almost finding herself back to just talking like they had done back then, when they had been able to tell each other just about everything. Then he mentioned sleep. But would her mind even be able to let her wander of to sleep? Because her mind was going on speed with every single thought that she had and hadn't thought this night. Even to what had been leading her to stand on that roof top. How stupid she had been. "You can go ahead, I think I will make myself some tea first and get a few aspirins to save me from the worst of the hangover tomorrow," she took a sharper breath in.

He shrugged a little as she wondered why Ryan was so angry at him. “Well, I don’t think he appreciates this relationship either,”  he explained to her and eyed her a saying gaze. After all, Ryan had kissed her and clearly, there were feelings involved. He didn’t judge Ryan for still loving Nicole as much as he did. Aleks would too if he had been in Ryan’s shoes. Aleks was almost on his way to his bedroom when he heard Nicole and stopped. He turned his head, looking over his shoulder at her. “Come here,” he said, squatting down to pick her up, so she was a little taller than him. He walked with her like this into the kitchen here he let her sit on the counter, careful that she wouldn’t get hurt in some odd way. He looked at her shortly, removing a loose strand of hair from the front of her face. He kissed her forehead gently before he walked over to pick up the bottle of aspirins and with almost trained movements, he fetched her a small glass of water, giving her the bottle and putting the glass with water next to her. While she took some, he put water over on a kettle to boil. He found two cups and everything extra that was needed for their tea before he walked back to her by the counter, placing a hand on each of her knees. “The last drink you drink tonight, you drink in the morning too,” he told her with a small smile. “I’ll make sure to make breakfast for you, alright?” he told her.

Her head was a jungle, desperate trying to find the right path on how she should be dealing with his. If you asked her parents, both James and Rebekah wouldn't see any issue in what had happened tonight other than her father wouldn't have appreciated how late she was out - stuff like that. After all, she was raised in a system where both Rebekah and James surfed around in what people these days would call: a sort of open relationship, where they always went home for the main course, only staying out for appetizers. So, having to use her own morals to really figure out that it wasn't the kind of relationship she wanted. She didn't want to Aleks to see anyone else, nor now sitting here reflecting on how things had turned out, she didn't want to see anyone else but him. Then he picked her up, making the guilt swirl around within her. Nicole just sat there on the counter looking at him, noticing how her knees did have a few scratches from when her and Ryan had tumbled to the ground when she had fallen from the roof. Small scratches.

Nicole took a sharper breath in, looking how he turned to put on the kettle, she exhaled softly. "I'm sorry - about tonight. Things got so out of hand, I don't even know -- I'm sorry," she apologized, now she hadn't been the one to go for the kiss, but she had wanted to in the moment before everything had happened - or at least wondered how it would be. But after everything that just had happened, she felt nothing but stupid. "I should never have done out tonight, stupid mindset to even start drinking in -- fuck, I'm so stupid," she mumbled at herself.

Aleks noticed how her knees had small scratches and removed his hands from her knees to place them a little further up on her thighs. She started apologizing, and he let his head tilt a little as he watched her. He let her sink everything in for a moment knowing that she might need a second. And she did, she elaborated her apology. “Be kind to yourself,” he spoke softly, keeping his eyes on her, pulling on a light smile. “I forgive you. It was easy to see that things got out of hand, but you’re not stupid,” he told her, letting his hand find it way under her chin to gesture her to look up at him. “Empty your glass of water,” he said and handed it to her this time. “You are a young, smart girl. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, even if mister perfect ballet papa says so,” he said giving her thigh a short squeeze before he leaned a little back. He could hear how the water was reaching a boiling point.

He forgave her, not that she was sure she had done anything for deserve it. But his forgiveness didn't have anything to do with her, it was his response to the matter and he had always been good. "I feel pretty stupid," she confessed with a lower voice, "I don't know - the whole thing that happened to Lara - I just, I can't take it, I don't know what to do with myself anymore," she exhaled a bit feeling the sob trying to fold over her lips but she choked it with the water in the glass as she took the painkillers. Hopefully it would make her morning much better. Her parents expected perfection, in very different ways, and she wanted to be that, who didn't want to be perfect at least for one moment in their life. And Nicole was taught for it to be something that was achievable if you worked hard enough. Put in the hours.

He pulled a crooked sad smile as she continued to say she felt stupid. He truly wished that he could change that, but the mind wasn’t always that easy to manipulate, and certainly not when she had the gift that she had.
He furrowed his eyes as he started to speak about Lara. Why was Lara involved in this? Now that she had brought that on the table, he would let the water continue to boil in the kettle. “What has Lara got to do with this?” he spoke softly, trying to figure out why it affected Nicole the way it did. Had that been why she had talked to Ryan? She hadn’t felt safe enough to talk to him? He tried to bury the thoughts.

Nicole took a deeper breath in knowing she should have voiced it more than she did, because she kept it in like a pressure cooker and suddenly everything just kept crashing down. "Because its my fault that she is dead? And every time I go to sleep I see her, the same dream every damn time. I convince her to stay, and then I wake up, and she still dead," she took a sharper breath in and blinked a few tears out, licking her lips a little bit. "If I hadn't let JJ take her with him, she would still be alive, none of the bad things would have happened - and it messes me up, my father lied to me about it, he manipulated my brain to not know - everything is just so screwed up," she looked down trying not to cry to hard but she couldn't. "And you are grieving too, so I didn't want to make it worse and its what I did," she shook her head, moving her tear-filled eyes back towards his.

His expression got sadder as she spoke. He kept his eyes on her, letting one hand find her cheek, hoping she found comfort in it as he dried one of her tears away with his thumb ever so slowly. He listened to her, because clearly everything she said was something she had been holding on to for way too long. “Nicole,” he whispered looking at her, letting one of his hands find her arm, caressing it. “Please… Don’t blame yourself,” he told her, “You don’t know what would have happened if you tried to stop JJ even further,” he told her, trying to figure out a way to get things straight, hopefully without ruining his deal with Aurora, even though it was already difficult not explaining what was going on. “And I’m so sorry, but it’s not the first time your father plays such a trick, and it probably won’t be the last,” he explained to her. After all, James was the one who had made sure that Nicole and Ryan weren’t together anymore. “I know everything is… So, God damn complicated,” he said and let the hand on her arm find her face, trying to dry off some of the tears on her other cheek. “I understand why you blame yourself, but you’re not responsible for their actions, and even if things had gone more smoothly, she decided lastly to go with him,” he tried to explain to her. He shortly looked at his watch. It was so fucking late. He couldn’t allow himself to call Elisabeth nor Aurora at four in the fucking morning, but as it looked like right now, Nicole was hopefully not going to try and kill herself the next…. 15 hours hopefully.

It was rather true, she didn't know what would've happened. If she had pissed JJ further off, he might not even have let her be. "I'm just stupid then for believing he would actually stop," she mumbled a little bit looking down. Was she really this foolish to believe in the best in people? And yet it always came around to bite her in the ass. "I know, I know, but I just don't feel like myself, I think I'm losing it - like completely losing it - and I'm not sure I can handle the grief - maybe I should just get my father to erase it all," she mumbled, no she wouldn't do that - and it wouldn't last, because her father had already tried that trick, and every time she used her own powers, the memories came back. Making her sick. "I'm letting everyone down, over and over again - god," she cursed underneath her breath, closing her eyes shut for a burning second.

Aleks licked his lips a little, listening to each and every one of her responses even though every response she said almost made the calm Aleks furious. He cupped her face and shook his head. “Look at me. Nicole, look at me,” he said before he let one of his hands correct some of her hair behind her ear. “You are a brilliant woman,” he kept his eyes completely locked on hers, even though it might be some kind of intimidating. “You are not letting anyone down at all. You are doing your absolute best and sometimes, it’s not enough to satisfy you, but deep down, everyone knows you’re doing your best,” he nodded a little to her. “You are not going to ask your father to erase something from your memory, because you know, as well as I do, that it doesn’t work like that,” he let the words sink in for a moment, “I can see that you’re struggling and that is… So okay,” he said moving his head a little to underline his words. “Nicole,” he pulled a small smile, “It’s okay not to be perfect, even though I know that your father strives for something else,” He tightened the small grip a little, shaking it softly, “Everybody makes mistakes, some might have a bigger influence than others, and you can’t change the past,” he licked his lips a little, “We have to accept what has happened. You have to know, that you didn’t have a finger in any of this – at all,” he looked down shortly feeling how emotions were boiling in his tummy, making it curl. “I know it’s fucking awful, but we have to live with the fact that some people do bad things,” he bit his lip a little, “No one should ever experience death like this, but it happens. And please don’t misunderstand, but maybe we should arrange some crisis psychologist help?” he spoke softly, hoping she would understand that it might help her with working on the grief she was experiencing. She needed help through the stages and maybe he needed it too.

Nicole listened to him, and took a deeper breath in, yet still feeling like how everything was crumbling around her. Making the tears escape from her eyes, because when it came to it, how Lara had died was awful. Knowing how, and what her parents had done, was even more awful. Not thoughts she knew if she could live with. "I know things - about how she died, that haunts me - enough for me to feel like I could stand on the rooftop of a building, and just for a moment that rush was the only time in a while where the thoughts haven't haunted me," Nicole took a sharper breath in and looked Aleks in the eyes. "Maybe asking Bash if he knows someone might not be a bad idea though - but still -" Nicole hated this. Hated on tip of her tongue she needed to tell Aleks how her and Ryan had even gotten the chance to talk, by that fucking rooftop - one could argue if she hadn't talked to Ryan, then perhaps she had fallen down to her death. "I slipped on the roof, Ryan caught me," she looked down, clearly embarrassed.

He watched her as she spoke. His thumbs dried her tears as he listened. She knew what had happened. He wouldn’t force her to explain, but truly he wished to know what had happened, even though he simply could ask Aurora whenever he met her again. “What?” he spoke softly. “You slipped?” The repetition of her words only cut the wound deeper. She could have been lethally injured or dead. Even though Ryan hated Aleks, Aleks had never hated Ryan. Aleks understood that Ryan had his reasons to be mad at him, he understood why Ryan was hurt and understood that he needed some kind of outlet for everything he chose to carry on his shoulders. The male werewolf truly just needed a break. A trip to Fiji maybe. Who knew, maybe even a medal for dealing with things the way he had. Aleks didn’t blame him. “I’m glad he was there to catch you,” he said with a soft smile, “But, what about that for tonight I’m the one who makes sure you’re not flying too high, hmm?” he wondered and caressed her arm a little. It was way too late and she was under the influence enough for this to be a little too heavy to talk about right now. “I’ll be there, all night,” he nodded to her pulling a soft smile, letting his hands find behind her neck, “I’ll make sure you’re not flying too high or falling, okay?” he offered, “I’ll hold you,” he nodded again.

Nicole turned her eyes back up to Aleks when he asked if he could be there to make sure she didn't fall to high or to low, she simply nodded with her big tear filled puppy eyes. She leaned her head against his chest closing her eyes for a moment. "I love you, even when you get all mushy on me - especially when you get all mushy," she mumbled knowing her words was to be heard. Nicole at this point just so tired she could have fallen asleep sitting like this, because she felt safe and secure whenever she was near him, then the location didn't matter. "Then lets go to bed," she moved her head up to look at him. "Will you still kiss me goodnight?" Nicole wondered, letting her fingers trace over his jawline.

When she leaned in towards his chest, he folded his arms around her. “I love you too,” he told her softly, smiling happily as she mentioned how he was mushy with her. He caressed her back a little, letting her stay in the embrace as long as she needed. He heard her words and looked down at her. “Of course, I will,” he told her calmly with a wide smile before he gave her a short kiss, leaned down, and picked her up. Being a mere human, a soft grunt left him as she had to carry her. He sat her gently down on the bed. “Let’s get you dressed in something more fitting for sleeping, hm?” he said and started helping her as much as he could. When she was undressed, he pulled off his own shirt and gave it to her, so she could wear it for the night. He made sure to get her all the way down into bed, and when he lay there with her in his arms, he gently gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight,” he mused before he nudged her head up with his nose to give her an intimate kiss on the lips.

She felt like a doll for a moment, just sitting there not being in her body and still being there. Not really realizing what was happening around her while still being so alert. Then hitting the bed she took a deeper breath in as he kissed her forehead, trying to calm herself down and let the stone that kept weighing her down move, but it didn't move. "Goodnight," she whispered just before kissing him back. It all felt surreal like stuck in a dream world, but knowing she wasn't. Never had she felt so confused about herself before. She breaking the kiss she snuggled closer towards him, taking another sharper breath in before closing her eyes, hoping to force herself to fall into sleep. Not that it happened, she couldn't really sleep, it took what felt like ages before she finally was able to close her eyes.

Once she opened her eyes again she felt even more out of touch with herself, not knowing what time of day it was, feeling like she had wasted so much time. The headache reminded her of what she had been up to last night. Fucking mess, all of it. Still, she had no idea what to do with herself. She made a unsatisfied groan, and moved her hands over her head.

A sweet hum left him, and he tightened his embrace around her as she snuggled closer. He caressed her softly keeping snuggled up to her all night.

He heard the groan from the room, which made his eyes widen as he looked around in the kitchen. It looked like a bunker from the first world war. He quickly lowered the temperature on the pan and threw some pancakes on each plate and filled two glasses with juice. He took some painkillers and put them on the edge of one of the plates. Everything went onto a tray that he could carry into the room. “Good morning, sleeping beauty,” he said with a wide smile as he entered with the tray in his hands, only wearing the boxers that he had been sleeping in. There was flour both on his torso, arms and boxers. He walked closer, leaning over her, and placed the tray in the middle of the bed. As soon as it stood stable enough, he placed a hand next to her pillow and leaned down to give her a small kiss on the cheekbone. He knew that coffee might be wanted more, but if she was going to throw up, juice tasted a lot better the second time than coffee. “How are you feeling?” he wondered with worried brows.