One last try - James (TW + CW)

He laughed a little at Spencer´s joke about him being into guys over 1.500 years, like if. He smiled a little, before gently stroking Spencer´s hair, only for a brief moment, before looking at the screen. As he heard his age, he looked at him for a moment, nodding as he understood his doubts. " I can live with 19, its a cute age for you. So young and sweet to the taste ". He blinked at him, before hearing him say, that he always took what he wanted. " Of course. How else are you suppose to get it ". He looked long at him this time, feeling it all the way to his core, how he wanted to grab him and just ruffle him up.

When he saw Spencer lean towards him, he almost freezed at the spot, looking at him.. waiting for him to do something, before feeling his breath against his lips, making him lick his own in anticipation, but the kiss never came. It threw him totally off his own game, how he had held back so much and so good, looking like it didnt affect him at all, but it totally did. " Oh no you dont ". He suddenly took a strong hold in Spencer, turning Spencer on to his back, with james over him, looking at him with not red eyes, almost huffing. " I cant control it anymore, i´m sorry.. but i fucking want you ". He took a rather strong hold onto Spencer´s clothes, if he didnt stop him, he would almost try and rip it off, before stealing his lips.

His eyes were blood red, like an ocean full of rubies. He looked at him with such passion and lust, like it was eating him up, like some switch had gone off. He had waited so long to finally feel Spencer again, that he couldnt take it. He firmly took an arm around him, before standing up, gently removing the sheets over them, before he walked over to the window, pressing him up against the soft and almost see through fabric. He tog a grib in his own pants, sipping them down, before removing them, just enough so his growing manhood got visible, hanging ready to take him. He looked at Spencer, kissing his lips with such greed, before moving down his neck, taking a hold into it with his teeth, but without breaking the skin, just barely.. His free hand was traveling, until it spread Spencer´s legs, if he had even let him do all of this.. before he would ready his hole for him.. he let go of the hold with his teeth, before looking into his eyes with his. " I want you so bad, you cant even imagine.. ". His voice was so deep this time, almost begging in it, but at the same time, it was unapologetic, as if he was saying that he was gonna take him, no matter what... like he had said.. he always took what he wanted, and right now.. that was Spencer.

Spencer was usually not a fan of people touching his hair - mostly because people who did it made, did so because they viewed him as a child and that pissed him off. It wasn’t like that when Spencer did it. He was not sure if his words about his age was a compliment. Cute was okay, but hot was better, right? But then again, he was laying here with James. He had chosen him. Maybe cute was alright. ”My age isn’t what makes me cute,” he said winking at him. He chuckled by his following words. ”Solid logic.”

Spencer had to really control himself to not just lean into those lips and give up. He felt the strong hold of him before he was turned around on his back, laying flat down with James lingering over him. There was the red eyes again, showing him how much he wanted him. ”Finally,” he said feeling how his clothes was just about to rip off his body, before he leaned forward for a kiss. How he had been able to hold out on this was a mystery.

Spencer fell into the kiss so naturally he felt like he had done this forever. He barely noticed anything else that happened but that kiss. Not until he was pressed against the window. He could now feel how much James wanted him as well. He sighed when the trail of kisses moved down his neck, turning into soft moans when he bit into his skin. He was so ready already, his body showing it too. James would be able to hear it. How his blood was rushing towards his manhood, making him solid against James’ thigh. He looked into those ruby red eyes. ”Yes I can.” He leaned closer to his ear. ”Take me,” he whispered, wrapping his lips around his earlobe, pulling away with a sucking sound. He needed him so fucking badly, he was not willing to wait much longer. He seriously hoped he didn’t have to.

James smiled like a gitty little boy finally getting candy, when he heard Spencer´s sweet words, oh how they filled him with such joy and lust all at the same time. He didnt hold back this time, he simply couldnt. He took a firm grib in Spencer, still with such care, as to not hurt him or even make this violent, nothing would hurt him more, than acidentally hurting Spencer, so he was careful in each and every firm grib, how he squeezed Spencer´s ass for a brief moment, before removing Spencer´s pants enough for him to bent Spencer´s legs to the side, while holding him up and pressed against the window, with no care for if anyone saw it, but it was dark and the only light in their room was from the little night light at the corner of the bed. He felt the sucking on his earlobe, how it ran chills down his spine, before shaking slightly, looking into Spencer´s eyes with a smile over his plump lips, slowly catching Spencer´s lips again, before gently taking a hold with his free hand, that didnt hold under Spencer´s body, supporting him against the cold glass.

He started to stroke Spencer´s manhood, gently, playing with it, feeling the hardness of it, before taking his hand up to his mouth, spitting down into it, before moving his fingers down to Spencer´s hole, gently massaging it, until he could get a finger up, followed by another, and then finally.. when he felt he had played enough with it, he spred Spencer´s legs a little more, before ripping his pants down the middle, so he could stand up against him closely. He removed the pants legs from Spencer, so Spencer would be fully naked, before gently putting him down so he could stand. " Stay ". He quickly turned off the light, before taking a strong hold in each of the curtains, ripping them halfway through from the middle to the ground, before looking at Spencer. He walked up to him, with his pants down his hips a little, open and clearly showing his hard rock manhood, how much he wanted him. He gently pressed himself up against Spencer, before kissing his neck, whispering. " Dont worry, i wont hurt you. Come with your hand ".

If Spencer gav him his hands, he would take a grib around Spencer´s body, press Spencer´s body against the chilly window, being lighted up by the moonlight from outside it, so James face was visible now. He smiled while supporting Spencer´s body with one hand, feeling how his muscles worked to keep him up, before gently guiding Spencer to hold around his body, so he could press against him, feel his manhood against his stomach, but also his own against Spencer´s hole. He looked at him with a lustful expression, taking the ruined curtain, the side he had ripped halfway, before binding Spencer´s wrist, so his arms would be held up. He then took the other one, gently kissing his neck once in awhile. " I´m not gonna hurt you, just.. secure you ". He smiled a little devious, before letting go, when both was tied.

Now he had free access to all of Spencer´s body, to kissing the nipples as he started to do, before gently sucking on them, pressing himself against Spencer´s hole, before supporting his ass with one one arm under, and the other gently stroking Spencer´s manhood. " You are so beautiful like this.. and now you cant run from me ". He kissed Spencer´s lips a little forceful, before pressing himself up into him, slow at the start, so he didnt hurt him. He could feel himself almost vibrate down there, from the pure pleasure of feeling Spencer inside again. " Fuck " he exclaimed, before looking down at Spencer´s perfekt body.. how lustful it looked, but also vulnerable.. how he couldnt escape from him now. He started to move his hips a little, looking down at how he entered Spencer. He bit down into his lowerlip from just the sight, before moving his hand down to the other ass cheek, so he could guide Spencer´s hips, so he could push even further inside of him.

Spencer couldn’t get enough of James, whether it was him being hot as hell and so sexy he couldn’t even believe he could exist or if was him being shyer and caring, or even the emotional and nostalgic side of him. He just wanted it all. He couldn’t understand how he could take hold of him with such a strong grip and still make him feel cared for. It was supposed to be either or, right? You couldn’t both be strong and demanding and careful and caring. But of course, if anyone could, it was James. He bit his lip when he took hold of his cheeks, squeezing them shortly before James parted Spencer’s legs to make room for himself. He didn’t really care if anyone saw. He didn’t care if people saw all the raw emotions he felt for James. The sexual, the romantic, he was proud to show them. For the first time forever, he wasn’t scared to share his feeling. He put his hands around James’ neck, one of the hands placed on the bag of his hands, feeling the soft hair between his fingers.

Spencer bit his lip again when he started to touch him. A single moan nearly drowned in his throat. He looked at him when he wet his hand and began massaging him, making him ready for him. He let out a moan for each of his fingers that entered him. Then he moved his legs more apart, ripping his pants in half. The rest of his pants was removed, making him complete vulnerable. He frowned when he was put back on the ground and James went away. He could barely see anything when the light was turned off. Then he heard the ripping sound, wondering what he was doing. He felt so clearly that James wanted him every bit as much as the other way around. He felt the kisses, hear his voice. His hand? He trusted him, so he just reached out his hand towards James.

He was pressed back against the window, feeling the coldness running down his back. The moonlight lit up some of the room, not to mention James. He was surprised when he began tying up his hands around James’ own body. He hadn’t known he would be into something like that. But it also made a certain sense. He had been alive for a long time; of course, his sexual taste grew. If you could only ever eat strawberries, you would start doing different things with it, wouldn’t you? ”I trust you,” he whispered and noticed the devious smile, wondering what else he had planned for them.

Spencer had no problem being submissive. He always had been, in a way. He was never the strongest, the fastest or the oldest. But here, it was not about that. It was about using each other’s strengths and weaknesses the best way. He felt so many things happening from the action with his nipples, feeling James’ manhood against him, the fabric around his wrists and James’ strong hold of him. He heard his voice, ready to respond, but he was kissed before he had a chance to. In the middle of the kiss, he pushed himself into him, starting what he had wanted for so long.

Even if he had been with someone else, it was nothing like this. It was different with James. It was deeper. He knew him, it wasn’t random or happened from just lust. It was more with him now. This was the first step to becoming a real couple, and it was all Spencer wanted. He wasn’t going to rush it, but he wanted to be with him, fully and lovingly. He took in a sharp breath as he started to move his hips. He let his nails rest against James’ skin, although not piercing through it at all. He leaned his head back slightly, feeling how the two connected again. There were different ways to express love. Even if they had earlier said it, this was the real way for Spencer to show James how he felt. He couldn’t say he hadn’t been with other men, but it had never been out of love. It had been out of need. He was just so desperate for people to like him, he would give them everything. He didn’t have money, and he didn’t think his personality was enough, so he did everything else he could think of. It wasn’t okay, and it was something he was going to work with. But for now, he was going to be with James for all the right reasons.

Just hearing how much he trusted him, made him feel so warm inside, like he had finally gotten his fill, how the empty void inside of him, finally had disappeared. He couldnt help it.. how he smiled with the words that came from Spencer and how the sweet moan was drowned inside his throat, so delicious. He gently thrusted into Spencer, moving his hips ever so slowly, before taking his lips with his, letting his tongue get in on the action, how he wanted to dance with Spencer´s just for a sweet moment. He could feel his body pulsing, how pleasure just ran through him, like he was high again, but this time from the love for Spencer, from the pleasure from his body, how the world around them slowly disappeared. He moaned ever so gentle against Spencer´s lips, feeling himself reach climax faster than he anticipated. " Fuck, i cant hold back ". He felt himself come inside of him, how he tensed for a moment, stopping as he pressed his body against Spencer´s, putting a hand up against the cold windows, feeling how his hand almost slipped, before looking at Spencer, leaning forward to bite into his neck, this time with his teeth, just to feel it, how he had missed tasting him.

He licked the blood with his strawberry red tongue, before he smiled, looking at him having him marked again with four teeth marks this time, as he had let himself completely go. He looked majestic with the ruby red eyes and the black veins under, while he started slowly to move again, while having come inside of Spencer, he was not fucking done with him. He could feel the warmth around his manhood, how he pressed and squeezed him. He moaned, arching a little in his back, before thrusting harder and deeper inside of Spencer, holding his legs, feeling as if he could almost break the window.. he had to hold back a little, as to not break Spencer´s body.

The hair in his neck was standing on edge and his body was waxed smooth. He was almost gleaming in the moonlight, that cast its magical light through the crack from the curtains splitting in the middle. He looked at Spencer with a smile, before moaning out his name. " I love you ". The words so gentle, so true.. so genuine.. how he had put everything into them, how his eyes almost glowed with love, while looking into Spencer´s eyes, with the eyes of a predator. He bit into his tongue, before moving forward, parting Spencer´s lips, before letting his blood slowly fill Spencer´s mouth, if he didnt pull away.. a drop gliding from the corner of his plump lips.. down his throat. How the scent of sex mixed with that of copper in the blood. He gently started to go softer on him, before kissing him down his lower jawline, slowly down the beautiful body, kissing and nipping at it, making hickies on the boys body, before licking up of it, up to the nipples and then gently playing with them, with his tongue..

Spencer didn’t know what it would be like to be in love. He tried really hard to imagine it, but it had not been right. Not even close. He didn’t know how absolutely terrifying and at the same time freeing it would be. He felt like he could do anything, as long as he had James by his side. He couldn’t think of anything better than being here right now, connected with the person he loved in any way possible. He felt the thrust so deeply, felt every movement with his hips pushing him deeper into Spencer, experiencing everything he had to offer. He didn’t know if he was addicted to more than just drugs, because this felt pretty fucking good. He had wanted to be with James so badly, he could focus on nothing else. He wasn’t sure if it was because of lust or something more. He not only heard the moaned but felt the slight vibrations from it as well. He was surprised when he climaxed. He had shown so much endurance before. It was okay, he just hadn’t seen it coming. He looked at him, unable to do anything while his hands were still tied. He sighed by the teeth sinking into his skin. That he was definitely addicted by.

He was confused when he continued. Wasn’t he done already? Not that he minded. He felt how he thrusted harder into him, getting deeper inside him. He couldn’t keep the moans back by now. He didn’t worry about the window. All he could think about was the intense feelings surging through his body. ”Fuck,” he said moving closer to his own climax. He head him moaning his name, which just sent him over the top. He let out a final moan and leaned his forehead on James’ shoulder. He looked at him again when he said those three words, he would never be tired of hearing. He felt the blood on his lips as he leaned for a kiss, exploring his mouth like he was Columbus.

He stretched his neck as the kissed moved to his jaw. How was it fair that he got to feel all the kisses, that he got to be the carrier of hickeys all over his body? He was just about to suggest Spencer got a chance to make James feel good too, but then his tongue began playing with his nipples. He leaned his head back against the glass, slight moans moving over his lips. ”Fuck.. Don’t stop..” His words were a whisper at most. So quiet and lustful.

As he said his name in a most passionate way, moaning every single letter in it, forming his name.. he felt it. How Spence pulsated in his hand, before feeling the warmth of him. He smiled, like he had just won a big price. He felt Spencer´s head against his shoulder, how he wanted to gently pet him on the head, but he didnt since he was covered in Spencer´s juices. His tongue was playing with the innocent looking nipples of Spencer´s sucking on them, biting gently into them, before leaning downwards. He looked at his hand covered in Spencer´s juices, before licking them away, before pulling himself a little out, since he had stopped moving, before gently pulling himself out of him, but still holding Spencer´s legs over his forarms, before kneeling in front of him, before he started to lick Spencer´s manhood clean of Spencer´s own cum.

When he thought that he was clean enough, he slowly started to take him inside of his mouth, first playing with his tongue inside, letting it glide around in a cirkle motion inside, before sucking gently on the head, moving downwards.. letting Spencer deep inside his throat. That was the good thing about being a vampire.. not needing to breath.. as he could take ALL of Spencer, all the way down to the root of him, sucking, and pressing his tongue against his shaft, feeling how he filled all of his mouth and some of his throat. It felt divine. He sucked slowly, as to not overwork him after he had come. Gently he still pressed him against the window, holding him up, so he didnt hang in his hands, but just barely. He moved his hand slowly towards the filled hole, before pressing two fingers up inside of him, moving them with the rythm, so Spencer would feel like he got fucked but also fucked someone.

He started to put another finger inside, before he had 4 fingers inside of him, not nearly near his own size, but it would have to do. He started to suck him harder, moving faster, while fucking him with his fingers. He continued like this in different motions and tempoes, and if Spencer came again, he would just take all of it and swallow it, before slowing down, standing up, before sticking it inside again, not as rock hard as before, but still hard, before he fucked him to his own climax again, filling him even more, while moaning. " Mhm! ". He finally came, feeling his legs shake, since he had come two times now.. feeling his stamina slowly depleading. He took a strong hold in the curtains fabric, before pulling it apart, so Spencer would still havethe fabric around his wrist. He started to move him away from the window, before moving over to the showers, still holding his legs and under his ass, playing with the hole a little.

He moved to the shower, before opening for the water, feeling after the right temperature, before putting Spencer and himself under it, kissing him gently, with his lustful autumn eyes, looking him up and down, with such a grin over his full lips, slowly kissing his cheek, and then biting down into his neck, just the other side now. " Now you wont forget me for a while.. ". He didnt want this night to EVER end.. it was heaven for him. He greedily kissed his lips, before moaning slowly under them from just the pleasure of the kiss, since his senses and his skin, was highly sensitive right now, from coming so much.

Spencer felt how he emptied himself into James’ hand. He continued to feel the waves of pleasure run through him as he licked his nipples. He looked at him as he moved away and licked away his juices from both his hand and from his own manhood. He thought they were just about done, until he felt James’ lips forming around his member, using his tongue to increase the feeling. He couldn’t hold back the moans coming from deep inside his stomach. He had never felt anyone take all of him like that. He was surprised how much more pleasure it meant for him. He was a little sensitive, but not so much he couldn’t enjoy this. He felt his hand moving towards his hole, sliding two fingers into him with a soft moan from Spencer’s lips. More joined them, until he had four fingers inside of him moving to a rhythm. He sped up with his fingers and sucked him harder. Holy fuck. He couldn’t hold back and unloaded himself into James’ mouth, his legs twitching from the pressure being released. Spencer looked at him as he stood back up, entering him once more.

He was not sure he had more to give from. He would gladly help James come some more, but he was sure he couldn’t do so himself. He looked at the beautiful man in front of him, how he looked so incredible during this, how his moans sounded like something from heaven. He felt how James’ shook when he climaxed again. He felt the pull in his wrist, before James took them to the shower, turning on the water and letting it flow over them. He looked at how the drops stuck to both of them. He continued to play with his body. He felt like his skin was being touched by a thousand needles as the water rushed over them, but it was in a great way. He was hypersensitive right now, like every touch was magnified a thousand times. He felt the kiss on his cheek, how it was colder compared to the warm water. Then the teeth, sinking into his skin to tap some of his blood. Fuck, he barely felt like he could be in his own body right now, how it was so overflowed by all types of amazing sensations. He wouldn’t know what to say to his words, so it was perfect that he kissed him, so he had a distraction instead of overthinking it.

He eventually ended the kiss to look at him. ”I need a fucking break,” he said with a smile. ”You’re working me to the bone,” he said looking down his body. Was he even able to satisfy James’ sexual hunger? He wasn’t sure right now. But he couldn’t wait to find out. He continued to smile at him to let him know he wasn’t too serious about it, that he wasn’t angry or anything like that.

//lidt kort - sorry <3

He took all of him, all of what he gave to him when he came inside of his mouth, swallowing it whole, while looking up at Spencer like a good boy. He smiled after licking him clean, before moving up inside of him, until he climaxed inside of Spencer again. He smiled from Spencer looking like he couldnt take anymore than what he had gotten. He wanted to show him how it could be with him, how he would shower him with love but also lust. For him, this was also a token of his love, him showing devotion for Spencer, showing love and loyalty. He loved the feeling of him against him. As he lifted him all the way to the showers, he couldnt help but think that maybe someone might have heard them, but also how to explain the curtains being in pieces, but for now, that would have to just be forgotten, since he couldnt help but falling even more for Spencer, while looking into his eyes with a smile over his lips. " Your eyes, they are like.. an ocean, but not the clear blue, like the wild ocean mixed with sealife.. when a storm is hitting a coast... it always gets this.. greenish shine to it, like a dangerous one. Something so beautiful, being so deadly.. like you Spencer ". He cleaned his face a little and his mouth, taking some water in, before spitting it out to the side, before kissing his lips, as he felt his mouth was clean enough for Spencer to accept him.

After the bite, he could only look into his eyes with a little smile over his lips, an apologetic one, as he had maybe stretched it a tad to far, but he just couldnt help himself when it was Spencer. " I love you so much ". He took his hand, before gently kissing it. Slowly he kneeled down to the wet tiles, before taking some soap, and then rubbing his hands together so it started to foam, before he gently started to massage it all over Spencer´s body, so he didnt need to hold himself up, or even clean himself. " Did you enjoy it? ". He let his forhead rest against Spencer´s while looking at him, waiting for an answer, before smiling.. kissing his forhead gently. He then took the shower head, after standing up, before he crouched, gently washing the soap off Spencer´s head, before taking some and putting into his own hair and then his body. " So.. ". He smiled " I think.. maybe we should start talking about me.. maybe moving permanently.. to Gaia.. what do you think about that? ". He looked down to Spencer, before waiting for an answer. " Only if.. you think it would be a good idea.. ".

Spencer blushed slightly from his words. He was so poetic. He could never say things and make them sound so beautiful. ”Don’t say that. I don’t know what to say,” he said with a shy smile on his lips. He didn’t care if James was dirty, bloody or clean. It really didn’t matter to him. He just wanted to be with him as much as possible. He knew that when he was away from him, he would think of him. He just couldn’t imagine what his life was going to be without James. Emptier, for sure.

He wasn’t sure if it was too much for him. But right now, he maybe was a little weaker than usual, so he just felt like his body had worked with too little energy. He smiled giddily when he said he loved him again. ”I’ll never be tired of those words,” he looked down at him when he kneeled before him. ”I love you too,” he said watching him with such a look that showed he wasn’t lying. He felt how his strong hands massaged the soap into his skin. It was a great relief for his muscles that had been very tense the last few hours, or however had gone. He didn’t even know. ”So fucking much,” he said quietly. Spencer closed his eyes when the soap was washed out of his hair. He slowly opened his eyes when James spoke again, water drops hanging onto his eyelashes. He wanted to move here? ”Yeah. I mean, if you want.” He looked at him. ”If I can get more of you, I won’t mind it at all.” He looked to James’ eyes. ”You know I’ve never loved anyone before. It’s a big deal to me. I would follow you anywhere.” He realized he sounded a little clingy. ”I mean, not in a obsessive way. Just you know… In a cute way.”

//kort sorry.

He laughed when Spencer said that he shouldnt say something like it, because he didnt know what to say back then. " You dont have to say anything, love ". He looked at him, before gently pressing his forhead against his skin, feeling it under him. How he would love to be live this always, feeling him so close, feeling like he could never run away. He got sad with just the thought of him.. being together with others, how he hated the feeling, the idea.. the thoughts that followed, how angry he got but also jealoux. He already saw Spencer as his. He gently stroke his cheek, before looking at him. He knew deep inside, that he was ready to ask Spencer, to ask him to be his boyfriend, but he also knew that it was to early, so he didnt, instead he just embraced him.. bathed him and massaged him so he would feel better.

Hearing his words, how he said that he loved him, and even the little fucking much, that followed. It made his heart melt. How could this boy.. have such a strong influence on him?, how could he be so fucking obsessed with him, to a point where he would just keep him always by his side, never letting go of his hand. He smiled for himself, before asking with a low tone, almost uncertain if he should even ask him. " I gotta know.. who were you together with.. all of them.. even the kisses.. ". He could feel his heart, how it burned, but he needed to know them, he needed to know ever single thing, so he could get the pain and then get over it, get all the unanswered question out of himself.

He looking into the beautiful eyes before him, gently embracing him, letting the water wash them clean, until he turned it off and then took a towel to them both, gently placing it on the head of Spencer, before taking him in bridal style, when he had dryed himself off. " And to your thing about not being in love.. and that you would follow me everywhere.. please always do. I dont care if you are obsessive at all, i want all of you Spencer.. you dont even know how much, so much so its driving me crazy sometimes, but in a good way. I would rather have you in my life than not having you in it ". He smiled, before gently stroking his cheek, kissing his lips and then taking him into the beds, before laying him gentle on it, placing the pillows so they could sleep together, before laying close to him, with nothing on, and then taking the duvet and covering them both, while holding around Spencer. " I want you to move in with me, when you are ready ". He spoke the words with such softness, while gently kissing his neck, before hugging him a little tighter, feeling his soft skin, his scent.. so intoxicating.

Spencer didn’t know how to not respond to someone when they said something. He just felt weird if people said something and he didn’t respond. But right now, he really didn’t know what to say. So he just stood there with James, feeling their skin connecting. He felt like he was finally home, like he had somewhere to belong. Spencer didn’t want James to feel bad, to have him worry that he would ever do something like that again. He would really do anything he could not to. But he had always lived on a whim, acting on impulses. Could he even chance that? He had time to figure it out. For now, he just wanted to feel James close.

He didn’t truly understand what was happening. That somebody loved him so much it seemed James did. He had honestly begun to think it wasn’t possible. He wasn’t sure he should say. Wouldn’t it just make it worse if he knew? He already felt dirty about being with so many others when he was supposed to be with James, even if they hadn’t said it out loud, they were together long before this day. ”Okay. If you’re sure.” He took in a sharp breath and looked down. ”I slept with Nathaniel,” he started, as that was the first thing that had happened after everything with Kenna. ”And I kissed Mark, Kyung-Wan and Tidus.” He wasn’t sure how James would feel about it. Spencer hadn’t thought about him when it happened. It wasn’t because he didn’t care, because he felt so shitty afterwards. He didn’t know why he did it.

Spencer did want to push James away at some point, but now he was so afraid of losing him, he had a pit in his stomach. He was just afraid James would think he was disgusting or that he would never look at him the same. He tried to not think it, but these thoughts of James leaving kept lingering in the back of his mind. He heard his words. And it meant a lot. It did calm him down a little for now. But he wasn’t sure it would last. It was just a constant source of anxiety for him. ”I’m just really scared. I’m scared I fuck up and you leave me. Because I will fuck up. I always do.” He smiled against his lips before he was carried into bed. He laid down with him, a hand on his chest, his head on his shoulder. He just looked into the air when he spoke about moving together. He looked up at him and felt the gentle kiss on his neck. ”That’s a big step.” He wasn’t saying he didn’t want to, he just wanted to be sure James was ready. He was not easy to live with. He had mood swings, he could get really angry about small things and he was unfair. James knew this already. He had a habit of putting motives onto people. It really wasn’t easy.

How delicate and fragile a being could be. Most would think it was his thoughts about Spencer, but on the contrary, it was his thoughts about himself, and how he thought about their relationship, hanging by a thin invisible threat of some fate. He truely thought that it was some sort of destiny, faith that they had found each other, that Spencer had approached him that day. How it pained him to think about the time they had been apart, but the very thought of not having Spencer in his life at all, it was soul crushing, even for a creature as him, without a soul to crush. The warm autumn eyes traveled with fascination down the boy in front of him. So young he still where, while he was the old one, having tried so much, so many. He thought about if he had gotten Spencer involved in way to much, if it was best.. to maybe one day, leave the boy, reject him and never turn his way again, before he had come of some sort of age?, but was their love really only that, age?.. time... or could it spread across alternative timelines, futures, past.. would they always find each other, or would one of them be destined to just stay afloat in limbo.

It pained him so much, the thoughts of it all, that his expression changed, as the thoughts ran through him, before he slowly leaned to the side to kiss Spencer, feeling his warm body against his. He gently pulled the duvet over them both, before looking up into the ceiling. " It´s okay, if its to early for you to think about ". He didnt say anything about Spencer being scared or him fucking up or him leaving Spencer, he didnt.. because Spencer said that he always would fuck it up. Was this their last night then.. would Spencer keep fucking up in his life, would he be able to take it?, to forgive him, if he left again. He took his hand to his head, gently letting his hand travel through his own hair, as he let out a sigh, slowly letting his arm glide around Spencer, before squeezing his arm a little. " Dont.. think about it ".

He closed his eyes, before he said " Just.. sleep for now ". He knew deep inside, that Spencer was young, that the right choice would be to let him go.. but would he ever be able to do just that.. to let Spencer live his young adult life, without him in it.. what if he actually found someone, that was better than him.. someone to make him happy, to actually think that he deserved... the thoughts was killing him inside. He closed his eyes a little harder, before just trying to drown everything and anything, slowly falling asleep by Spencer´s side.

//Out//

Spencer had never been with everyone where everything just worked. He had always seen himself as part of a puzzle where he didn’t fit. But then came James and his piece fit with Spencer’s. He couldn’t say they wouldn’t have trouble and things they needed to overcome in the future. But he wasn’t afraid that they couldn’t have. He felt like he could do anything if he had James in his life. He shivered slightly when he thought what had happened if they had never met. He didn’t care that James was so much older than him. He really just wanted him. All of him. Both of them had a past, James’ admittedly longer, but Spencer had been through much in his short life already. He had no doubt that James and him would always find each other. They would always find a way back to each other. Or he hoped they would. He honestly would be heart broken without him.

He saw the expression change in James’ face. He gently put his hand on his cheek and stroked it gently. He removed his hand and instead placed it on his chest. ”I’m ready to think about it,” he said in a quiet voice. He closed his eyes when James’ long finger travelled through his hair. He rested his head against the vampire’s cold body. He didn’t respond to his words, as he was already drifting off to sleep.

Spencer didn’t need to be let go. He wasn’t sure James understood how much of a difference he had made in his life. He had never been free, but with James he was. He felt like he could finally be who he was without restrictions or judgement. He could finally breath. As his breath grew heavier, it travelled over the vampire’s body in a steady pace. He drifted far into the deep sleep.