Did you just touch my sire!? (CW, TW) - James

Time: 23:45
Location: The docks, close to storage buildings
Weather: Cold, clear skies, dark
Participant: @James
Outfit: Leather jacket, black jeans, grey t-shirt

Finally the time had come where Jaxson could no longer avoid his sire. It wasn't because he didn't like James. No, he cared deeply for the older vampire, that was as clear as day, but after everything that had happened he didn't want to confront the man. There were so many questions burning in his mind. Like why he hadn't spoken about Spencer, if he really only transformed Jaxson because the sex had been good back then. So many things that were not only awkward to talk about but also, in a way, frightening. But ultimately, James had come to his apartment this very afternoon and they'd ventured out because Jaxson had been buried in piles of work all day long and he needed the fresh air. They hadn't talked that much during their walk yet. Jaxson was abnormally quiet.

He was deep in his own thoughts until they came to a place that he vaguely remembered. This place. This hell-hole. Why here?! He wanted to turn around immediately but at the same time he didn't want to concern James. Not now. What had happened here was so atrocious, so wrong and he couldn't open up about it. It was humiliating. He just kept quiet, letting his sire talk about this and that until some random dude came walking towards them, grabbing James by the arm, slurring completely incoherent words. The man was no danger. But he touched James. He touched something that Jax cared about and for a minute he even looked like one of those goons. So of course Jax snapped. His movement was fast, when he grabbed the man's collar and threw him to the ground with one hand. Then he slowly moved towards him, like a predator, ready to strike at ever given moment. "Did he look like he wanted to spend time... With you?" his words sounded venomous. He went directly towards the man again and lifted him up by his neck, slamming him into a nearby wall.
"I don't know what they taught you back when you were a child.. But here we don't TOUCH people without their permission!" by now Jax' voice had entered a deep growl. His eyes flashed and angry red. He didn't know why he was so pissed off, but he was.

It wasnt because James was that very in the mood for a drink. Alot had happened since he had seen Jaxson and he felt that he just needed something normal for a change, something that felt like old time, where things were less complicated and not so fucked up all the time. He felt like everything had fallen over, like EVERY fucking TIME he tried to build a building from scratch something came and took it apart, smashed it, ripped it into sheds. He was lost in his own thoughts, lost for words, lost for actually participating, or that was until he felt a hand around his arm. He looked down at it, like he was almost studying it, before looking into the eyes of the man in front of him, feeling all kinds of feelings, but before he could even get to say anything, as he parted his lips to speak, he felt how the man stopped his grib, as it almost got ripped away. He looked in the direction of the man and Jax, before walking over to Jaxson. Normally he would have been pissed, normally he would have taken a grib in Jaxson, but he didnt.

He was tired, he didnt have the same fight in him anymore, it was clear as day in his eyes, how tired he was from all the drama, always feeling like it was never good enough, like he was never good enough. He knew deep inside that he could never make anyone happy, not even Jaxson at this very moment. Slowly he walked to him, looking at him with a gentle gaze. This was properly also his fault, how blind he had been.. how neglective of Jaxson he had been.. a horrible sire.. he had promised to always be there, but something had changed inside of Jaxson too.. was they all broken. Gently he layed a hand on Jaxson´s shoulder, before squeezing it, just enough for Jaxson to feel it but never hurt him, and not even in a commanding way. " Let him go Jaxson, he is not worth it ". His voice was so low, so dark and gloomy so... tired, lifeless almost. He looked at Jaxson with blank eyes, before slowly letting go of him, seeing if he was going to hurt the man even more.

He then turned his eyes to the man, before saying in a low voice. " Go now, or be tonight dinner. Your choice ". He then looked at Jaxson again, before running a hand over his face, as if to cover it for a second, before he gently put an arm around Jaxson. " Whats happened to you ". He didnt know why, but he could feel it, he could sense and see it on him. He continued to hold an arm around Jaxson, regardless of if he flinched, since he wasnt gonna drop his guard with him now, since he had freaked so easily. " Please tell me ". He normally never begged, but this time he did. He was done.. it was never getting better, ever. He looked at Jaxson with the first ever vulnerable look he had ever had, almost as the first time when he had turned him, only this was soul crushing. " Have i neglected you.. wrong you in any way.. do you wish to be set free from me.. Jaxson Legend ". He looked down for a moment, the words drying in his mouth, as he tried to speak them with confident, but there were none, and nothing confident over these words.. only pain.

Before he could strangle all life out of the poor drunk stranger, a hand landed on his shoulder. He was too intense to flinch at this touch, but James' voice, sounding extremely tired, reached out to him, making him loosen his grip on the man, who now stood, scared shitless before taking off in a clumsy run at James' warning. Clever choice. Jaxson looked up at James, finally seeing him, properly. He did flinch when James draped an arm around him, but after that he instantly sought the closeness that he felt had been missing for the last two weeks. He should have told him. He should have made contact the minute he was freed from that hellish place. But he hadn't. Instead he had closed in on himself, becoming paranoid, restless, angry. Like a lion in its cage.

The fact that James literally begged made Jaxson's features soften where before they were cold. He could never hide anything from James, that was just impossible. But this? It hurt so much to talk about. But when James spoke of setting Jax free of him, his inner self panicked. He tensed up, before that same panic started to shine through his eyes. He needed James. He didn't want the bond to dissappear, it was what had kept him grounded the last two years. He desperately grabbed James' hand - the one that was laying over his shoulder - and shook his head.

"No, no I don't.." he hesitated for a bit. "I can't loose you," his entire being was vulnerable, and it was all so very raw and he felt ashamed of so many things, the most important one being that he hadn't said anything. "Something.. H-happened.. And I can't.." it was the very classic Jax-doesn't-talk-emotions kind of way that he spoke. "It's just.. I was in there.. And it was.. It was.. Terrifying," had he been a human, his face would have been white as a sheet now, just thinking and talking about it. Instead he was just tense as he pointed towards the exact building he had been in. He could recognize it somehow. He didn't know but it was there. And it was as if the building itself was scrutinizing him, watching his every move.

James felt the hand on his, before seeing the panic inside of Jaxson´s eyes, how it almost shined through him, as he grabbed him in a tight embrace, slowly going down to his knees, still with his arms wrapped around him. " Syysh.. Then i wont ". His words sounded so vulnerable, while he gently pettet Jaxson on the head, stroking his hair while kissing his forhead once in a while, feeling how much he had actually missed someone, anyone to hold around, to feel, to not have this wall up in front of him. He closed his eyes, before mumbling for himself " You are so much stronger than me ". He could hear it on Jaxson, something had happened, something that wasnt suppose to happen. He looked at Jaxson with a gentle gaze, before letting a hand be placed on easy side of Jaxson´s face, so he could see into the dark eyes for himself, see how much he was hurting. " Who ". The words was spoken with such terror, like they would rip apart the person by just speaking their name.

He didnt know if it was one or more, but something had made Jaxson flinch, someone had done something to him, cause he felt it himself, how broken he was. Tears started to slowly stream down from his eyes, as they god red with black veins under, as he just looked at Jaxson with such care. He wanted to rip and tear, to feel something anything, but inside he felt a deep void. Speaking with Jaxson, filled that void that had slowly started to grow inside of him, making him more.. cold, more like his old self. He gently stroke Jaxson´s cheek, while shushing on his, with a gentle tone of voice, as if he tried to calm his nerves. He then held him tightly into him, burrying his face almost in Jaxson´s shoulder, kissing it gently. He wanted nothing but for Jaxson to be happy, for him to protect him. " You mean everything to me Jaxson ". He didnt know what else to say, how else to show it, except for his words and then maybe keeping more of an eye on him.. being dragged into this world, was dangerous for everything.

The minute James dragged Jaxson into his embrace, his walls crumbled slowly, again. He hated being vulnerable, but this was just everything he needed without knowing it. It was gentle, passionate, it wasn't any of the terrible things that had happened during his time in that storage building. He immediately grabbed a hold of James in return, also going to his knees. Just the two of them, here on the docks, being very emotional. Jaxson could feel it inside of James. As James proclaimed Jax was stronger than him, he just slowly shook his head again. He wasn't.
"You might think that.. But I'm not," he whispered, really feeling the gentleness of James, kissing his head, stroking his hair. He wasn't strong at all. He'd let the velvet-voiced monster do things that he would normally never let anyone do, and it was nauseating to think of.

"I don't know his name. Or the others," as he said the words his eyes were unfocused, darting around unsure of everything. "But he knew everything.. About me, about you, about.. Everything.. And.." his voice slowed to a halt, slowly as he saw tears in James' face. He felt it too, it was so raw and he instantly knew. What the monster had said about him and James was a big fucking lie. Tears started to form in Jaxson's eyes as well, when James embraced him again, and he cried. "James.. They.. Did things to me," he had started to open up about it, and now it wouldn't stop. He couldn't hold it back anymore. "Velvet-voice, tattooed chest, ice cold eyes.. They broke me.. I'm not myself anymore, and it... Hurts," he put his arms around James to get closer to him, to feel how James kept him ankered, so he wouldn't fly off into a red rage of revenge and hate. "If I didn't have you... I don't know.. Am I a monster?" he just kept going. "Without you I would die," the tears kept going and going as he held onto James for dear life.

He listened to Jaxson´s voice, with such care and pain in his heart, feeling how it ached hearing his struggles his pain.. oh how he wanted to take all of it. The more he heard the words the more he already knew who he was talking about. There had been trouble with someone in France, a person, so new so fresh, but.. could it be the mad fallen angel, could it be.. Nicolas. He felt his body slowly gaining a tenseness, as if he was getting ready for war, before looking down at Jaxson´s tears, how he gently tried to wipe them away as they appeared. He closed his eyes feeling the guilt. He had done this to Jaxson, he was the reason for Nicolas following him, following Jaxson. " No, you are NOT a monster. You will NEVER be a monster Jaxson ". He kissed his forhead, before hugging him tightly into his cold embrace, still, it was heart wrenching.

He looked at Jaxson, things flashing for his eyes as he looked at him, before saying with a sure voice, a calm tone, maybe to calm. " I know who he is. It´s my fault, but i will remove him from this earth Jaxson, i will bring him to you ". He looked around for a quick moment. If Jaxson had been taken, it wouldnt be long.. he would be next, cause it was his fault, it was him Nicolas was after, a deal broken, love smashed.. it was Nicolas that had attacked him the first night in England, how he wanted to kill that man, but he also knew the dangers being near him, how powerful he could actually be. He looked down at Jaxson, before saying " Where did you see him the last time ". He slowly stood up, holding around Jaxson still. There was no time to waste. He wasnt gonna run ahead and find him right now, but he knew that time slowly ebbed out, how Nicolas could come for Jaxson any minute again. " You are moving in with me, until i am sure, that he is not on this earth, or that he has shifted his target ". He knew how mad Nicolas was, how he still was pained by the memories.

James' pain shone through Jaxson's mind. It was a shared pain, one that was unavoidable, because of the bond they had between each other. He couldn't stop crying but at least it was a silent one, just tears falling and his voice slightly shaky as James told him that he wasn't a monster and that he never would be. Hearing those words from James, his sire, his mentor, be finally started to believe it. He was just a broken man, not a vile person, not a monster. At least not yet. He slowly agreed. His tenseness slowly faded and he just clung to James without that much strength. He was so exhausted in his mind.
"How can you be so sure?" he didn't need an answer for that question, but he still felt the need to ask it. Just so it was out there.

There was a tense feeling now flowing inside of James, Jax could feel it. Alertness, readiness for war. Even in his calm tone, Jax did not believe he was calm. He was preparing to go on the path of war and it was so obvious that Jax started to worry. And at the same time, he was just as ready to fight. He wanted that monster to suffer as he had! "I want him to feel like I did. Then I want him to live with that," he didn't want the person to die. Enough death was on his conscience, and he couldn't take more of it. He pointed towards the building he had been trapped in again. "In there.. But James.. We can't kill him. I don't wanna kill any more people. And I don't want to be the reason for anyone dying.. I can't," his tears were finally stopping their descend down his cheeks as he was slowly getting too tired to cry anymore.
"I still need to work, James.. Obligations.. You know," he still wanted to live with James, if only for a while. He felt a lot safer around his sire, but with three jobs, he needed to keep track of that. He'd feel bad if he just quit it all.

James looked stunned for a moment, almost angry at Jaxson when he said that they couldnt kill him, that Jaxson wouldnt kill any more people. " have you killed people? ". His embrace became a little stronger around him, holding him, almost cradling. He looked at Jaxson, listening to his words with such care, before looking around again. " What happened, tell me everything, and lets get out of here ". He slowly got himself straightened up, before looking at Jaxson with a hand reaching for his, as his way of saying that he wanted him to take it, that he wanted Jaxson to come with him. " I cant promise you i wont kill him, but first after you have had your fill ". He could feel it inside his body, how everything just bobled on the surface, how he wanted to rip and tear something into tiny little red pieces of meat.

He knew that he had to keep himself under control, especially for Jaxson, but he felt so bad for not having been there, helping him, keeping him safe. " Then i will come and live at your home, you are NOT going to live alone, until i have found that psychopath! ". He was done playing nice, he was so fucking done with just letting people have at it, with people he loved in his life. He could feel how he slowly got red eyes, as the pure black veins pumped under his eye sockets now, how he wanted to fucking kill that bastard, tear his guts out and then make him fucking EAT THEM. He closed his eyes, trying to keep himself down a little, before saying. " I´m sorry for my neglect.. i never meant to hurt you, this is all my fault ".

Jaxson could feel the anger from James. How it was barely contained as he asked the million-dollar question that Jax had been trying to avoid for a long, long time. He looked at James with eyes full of regret and nodded slowly. "He... Made me do it. If I didn't I'd die," he was absolutely certain that's what would have happened. All the hunger and pain that had been in his body as he had killed innocent upon innocent because he couldn't control it. It was fucking horrible!
He took James' hand without hesitation and got up on shaky legs. He felt nauseated after telling James about the killing. "I... Don't know.. It's... It's hard to talk about," Jax admitted as they slowly started to walk away from the hell-hole.

It was as if a bubble burst inside James, because Jax could feel his wrath shining through and it was wild and only contained through sheer will obviously. Jax quickly blocked his ability to empathize, before he would end up snapping himself. He still had his own emotions of regret, but now he didn't feel what James felt. It was probably better, now that James was so very, very angry.
"Okay, okay.. I wouldn't be able to stop you anyway," this side of James was one that Jax had never seen or felt before and he wasn't sure what to do about it.
"No! No, it's not your fault, James.. I provoked them a lot. I could've just... Jumped on board and not been a pain in the ass for them, but I didn't," he refused to leave all the guilt to his sire. Maybe Nicolas went after him to get to James, but that wasn't the point. The point was that Nicolas was a mad dog that needed to be put down. Or, no.. No, that wasn't even the point! Jax rubbed his temples with one hand. "Should.. Should we take a shortcut to my apartment?" there were a couple of windows on some of the buildings. They could walk through one at any given moment and just end up in Jaxson's home, but maybe James had other plans?

He looked confused at Jaxson for a moment, as he said that Nicolas made him do it?. Do what. He looked at him before he finally understood what it was that Jaxson had been trying to say. " You are not a monster. He is the fucking monster ". He felt so angry, that he could feel it bubble inside of him, how he wanted to rip Nicolas into shreds, and if he ever got the chance, he would do it.. he would fucking KILL HIM. He couldnt take the thought of it, how much he wanted to kill him. He smiled a little as Jaxson said that he couldnt stop him anyways, which were true, since he would just go with him or show up unannounced at his house.

James looked at Jaxson with a confused expression, as he heard his words. He couldnt believe him, or what he heard coming from him. " NO JAXSON ". He looked at him with a serious expression on his face. " Dont you dare think like that about yourself.. ". James nodded, as Jaxson asked him if he wanted to take a shortcut through to Jaxson´s apartment. He took a gentle hold around Jaxson´s hand, before following him through one of the mirrors of the windows, before finding himself standing in the dance hall. He would have smiled and made a joke at this point like always, if it hadnt been because he didnt feel like it.. that everything just.. felt so wrong. He looked with concern at Jaxson, before walking over to him and gently touched his cheek. He then walked out to the couch, before sitting down in it, looking up at Jaxson and then making room next to him, for Jaxson to sit down, so they could talk a little together.

The anger kept on rising inside of James, fluttering into Jaxson, who almost couldn't control it until me really shut off from his powers so he could focus solely on his own feelings instead.
James yelling made Jax flinch slightly, mostly from being surprised. He hadn't seen it coming and he was already jittery enough as it was. "I'll... Try," he said hesitantly as he was being led towards a window with enough reflection to go through it, and then appearing in the dance hall. There were no jokes this time. Instead there was a vibe of wrongness and emptiness and Jax hated it. And he hated himself for being the source of it all. He didn't want to be touchy-feely and sad and miserable, but that was the truth now, and it was pretty hard to change.

He closed his eyes as his cheek was being caressed gently by James' hand and was shortly left standing there until he snapped out of it and followed James to the couch, sitting down and trying to make himself comfortable. The feeling of emptiness was too strong. He wanted to fill it with anger or just... Something.. Anything. It didn't take long for Jaxson to just completely loose it now that they were home, somewhat safe, and there was no danger of Nicolas appearing and making everything worse. He leaned forward, covering his face with his hands before letting them slide into his hair, ripping into it slightly. "I can't keep it in anymore.. I.. James?" he looked up at his sire. "What am I to you?" he asked lokking like a lost dog. "Nicolas.... Did things.. Put syringes of something horrible into me for weeks on end, until I couldn't handle it anymore. Then we.. He.. Had sex with me.. I c-couldn't say no.. I wasn't strong enough.. I told you, I'm not strong at all, he made me do the filthy thing, and now all I want is his fucking blood! I want to drain him dry, just like he forced me to drain all the others dry," it was a slow rise in his mood, being frustrated and angered and in the end he couldn't even meet James' eyes. He was so ashamed it hurt.

James looked at him with a concerned look, before seeing how he almost crumbled in front of him, before taking an arm around him. He listened to his words, before he would answer Jaxson´s question. He bit down into his own hand, before taking Jaxson´s then gently biting down into it, before he took his bleeding hand and then pressed against Jaxson´s bleeding hand. " You are everything to me Jaxson. We are one, bound by the same blood, almost as a brother, father, mother, child.. we are the closest we can come, except a child.. you are my family ". He looked into his eyes with a wet glance to his, as he kissed Jaxson´s forhead, before wrapping his arms around him, gently caressing his hair, as he ' syyysh ' down into his hair, trying to calm him a little more.

He didnt know what to say, cause he knew if he said more than this, it would only be anger talking. He didnt want to make Jaxson more upset, but it was clear to see the murderous look in James eyes, as he held Jaxson, and just starred into the tv, as if he was dead inside, as if all emotions had left him for a moment. If Jaxson tried to feel, he would probably feel an anger, he had never felt from James before. When he found Nicolas.. he would definitely make it his last day on this earth, that was for sure. He suddenly thought about Spencer and a gentle look started to appear in his eyes, as he then look sad, as he thought about Nicolas, probably trying to get Spencer to. He couldnt let that happen. " I´m so sorry i wasnt there.. to save you.. to feel you.. i was.. ". He couldnt quite say that he was in hell.. but he had been.. that was why. He looked down at Jaxson with a little smile, as if everything should be alright soon, but he knew deep inside, that Nicolas was fucked up, that something was wrong inside the head of that man.

As Jax felt James' arm snake itself around him, his inner tensions started to fade a bit away, as he looked at the blood seeping out after James bit into his hand. Then at his own hand as the same was done to it. He could even smell the blood, more than normally, and he looked at it, almost hungrily before James put their hands together, mixing their blood in a ritual that just felt.. Right?
He was almost about to cry as James told him the words he needed to hear the most in his life, but he didn't. He didn't want to. Instead he visibly started to relax and looked at James with a gentle shine to his eyes as he was calmed down from his outburst, feeling how James wrapped his arms around him, caressing his hair and shushing him with kisses to his head. All the weeks of tension and hate inside himself started to fade away. It wouldn't just dissappear, but it was easier to bear now.
"That's.. That's why I attacked the guy at the docks," he explained himself.
"I thought he was going to hurt you, and I know you're older than me and stronger, but if anyone tries to do anything to you, I will obliterate them. Wipe them off the face of the earth. That's what I do for my family," he wrapped his own arms around James and clung to him tightly for a little while.

He did see how James looked like he was dead inside. What had happened to him? He probably wouldn't get to know it, so for now he didn't ask. The sadness in James' eyes made Jax look concerned, as he tried to understand without using his abilities. He didn't want to use them as he had enough trouble keeping up with himself. "You couldn't have known, and you don't need to apologize. You're here now and that's what matters," he said with a much more gentle voice than he was used to. He could see that it bothered James. "James.. Are you alright?" he couldn't help but ask, the concern evident in both his eyes and tone.

James smiled as he helt Jaxson tight into his body, as he caressed him, feeling how vulnerable he actually could be in his embrace, before kissing his hair again, s he looked at him before answering. " I know i know.. its okay ". He laughed a little, not that he made fun of him, but he found it so cute, that Jaxson actually was this protective of him. " And i would do anything for you Jaxson.. you are my family ". He closed his eyes, as he felt at home here, right at Jaxson´s side. He had so missed this feeling, how wonderful it was, to actually be near him, to hear him talk.. he had never forgotten even once why he had changed him that night, because he felt like he couldnt live without him in his life, as he felt all alone.. lonely by the spotlight, and maybe Jaxson had always seen him as a customer, but he had hoped dearly that he didnt.. and he couldnt help but smile to him, as he just closed his eyes for a while.

As Jaxson asked him if he was alright, he looked at him for a brief moment, wondering if he should say anything, but knowing what Jaxson had been going through.. he just couldnt get himself to say anything to him. He smiled before shaking his head, as he said. " No.. i mean YES.. i.. ". He stopped for a moment, before he gave a sigh, as he looked at Jaxson, gently caressing the hair, before mumbling almost, as he pressed his lips against Jaxson´s head. " One day.. i will tell you, but for now.. lets focus on you.. just all of you ". He smiled, as he leaned backwards, so Jaxson could sleep against him. He would be sleeping on this couch for days, he just knew that.. as he wouldnt leave Jaxson alone not even once. He looked at him, gently stroking the hair, as he let out a sigh.

The small laugh from James was actually what grounded Jax for the moment. He was completely calm at this point smiling slightly, because it was the laugh that was a sign of the two undead vampires actually still being alive. Well, somewhat. They was still something human inside of them. He tightened his grip ever so slightly, finally feeling at home as James seemed a bit out of it by his question. It was pretty clear, that something was off, but as James told him that he would tell him one day and not now, he just settled with that. He wouldn't press James further with it yet, but now that they were going to live together for some time, Jax could easily find another day to ask.

He sighed in content as he felt the caressing and kissing of his head. The almost natural way that they practically melted together in the embrace. "Alright. I won't ask anymore for now," he mumbled with acceptance in his voice, growing more and more tired as he nestled into James arms, before moving a bit so that he almost lay curled up against James' chest, his eyes drooping. He had been so stressed out lately that even in his vampiric state, his body couldn't keep up with the speed he kept going at. It didn't take long for him to fall into a deep slumber right there in James' arms.

//Out