So, you're still sure...? - Sean

Time: About 1 pm wednesday afternoon.
Place: The dojo part of the sports hall.
Surroundings: The rest of the people in the class and the teacher, students paired up two and two for fights.
Weather: Outside it's stormy, inside it's nicely cool and cry.
Outfit: A standard white training gi, and a dark blue belt - the step before the black belt.

@Sean
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Aah, martial arts. One of Atanas' favorite subjects in school, it really let him let go of all his aggression, without seriously hurting anybody. He was always so calm after one of these lessons, and pumped full of energy for the rest of the day. For now, though, they were doing all the basic warm-up moves, including the rolling falls, of course. He was wearing his hair up in a small manbun, just to make sure it wouldn't get into his eyes and in the way of his fighting.

Soon, the warm-up was over, and as they were going to move into the practice fights, he put on the ankle and wrist guards, and picked up the head guard just as the teacher picked out his sparring partner for today. Wait, wait, hang on a second. Did he hear him correctly? Sean? Was it... That Sean? And when he turned around to whom the teacher was gesturing towards, he saw that it was, indeed, that Sean. The very same who he'd been best buddies with, who'd just disappeared after refusing the offer to join Kekouan, his pack.

"Well, well, well. Who'd have thought I'd run into you here, of all places?" the Bulgarian accent was still thick in his voice seeing as he'd only been in the country for a year. Atanas' usual cocky smile slid into place, but it was clear in his eyes that rage still simmered inside from the way Sean had turned him down before, and most of all, the way he'd just cut off all contact.

Sean forlod skolen i det han krydsede atletikbanen for at nå til hallen hvor hans kampsportsundervisning forgik. Det var første gang han skulle til det i dag, så han var ret spændt på hvad det egentlig ville gå ud på. Men hvis det var lige så befriende som at have løb, så vidste han allerede han ville komme til at elske det. Han var ret glad for at få brugt sin krop, bestemt når han havde så mange fag der krævede en del hjerne, så havde man brug for at lukke lidt damp ud en gang imellem. Han fik døren åben ind til et omklædningsrum, hvor han stille og for sig selv fik skiftet til joggingbukser og en slidt tanktop, han havde bare, bare fødder. Han gik ind i salen og holdte sig bare lidt i baggrunden imens der blev uddelt instruktioner og den slags, han vidste ikke helt hvad han skulle gøre præcis. Som sagt var det jo første gang.. Han kunne dog godt slås! Men det var nok ikke helt det samme her, som det han havde været ude for. Han gik hen til der hvor der var udstyr og begyndt at tage det på, da han havde fået det på blev han sendt videre til den person han skulle slås med, bare det ikke var en eller anden svag forsvarsløs tøs.. Han kunne da ikke slå på piger!
Han stoppede helt lammet op da han fik øje på.. vent.. what? Var det? Virkelig!
”Atanas?” sagde han lidt forvirret. Han prøvede så at aflæse hans gamle vens ansigtsudtryk.. De havde ikke ligefrem skiltes som venner.. Var han mon stadig sur på ham? For at have afvist ham og stukket af? Han kunne se en anelse vrede i hans øjne.. Godt så.
”Soo.. How does this work? The first one to pass out looses?” spurgte han ham så bare, de kunne jo lige så godt bare få det overstået.. Sean vidste godt at heldet ikke var på hans side, men lige nu var han faktisk bare en smule ligeglad, og en smule mere rørt over at se sin gamle bedsteven igen.. Han havde savnet ham, tro det eller ej. Et smil formede sig så om Seans læber, well.. What did he had to lose?

Atanas' smile got a bit twisted, crooked when he saw the disbelief on his old friend's face. So it seemed like Sean had been as unprepared for his sudden meeting as Atanas himself had been, but of course, he wouldn't let that show too obviously. Nor would he show how much he was still hurting over what he saw at Sean's betrayal, just turning his back on him like that. He'd thought they'd been best friends, and then Sean just declined and went away without another word...

But the wolf inside him demanded retribution, demanded he put the lesser wolf in his place. He tried to calm it down, but it was useless, especially with the prospect of them actually having to fight anyway. "Usually you go until one or the other yields. But unless you've changed, I do think neither of us is going to yield until we pass out, yes." he said, rather calm but with an edge of anger there, the wolf roaring on the inside, eager to fight it out.

He saw the smile on Sean's lips, and his own widened as he dropped into the stance he always used at the start of his fights. "I hope you're ready for it. I know you can take it, so I'm not going to hold back."

Hans øjne gled hen over Atanas' ansigt og han prøvede at læse det udtryk der var der, som ændrede sig lidt som han talte, den vrede han havde i sine øjne, han vidste den var tilegnet på Sean. Han burde måske være bange for ham nu, men det var stadig Atanas, han vidst at han aldrig ville gøre ham sådan rigtig fortræd. Det betød dog ikke at det her ikke ville komme til at gøre undt. Nå ja, men han kunne tage det. Han lyttede til hvad han sagde og smilet forsvandt om hans læber, han kunne dog ikke for sig selv til at sige ham imod, og måtte derfor bare tage hvad der kom hans vej. ”Alrigth.. You make the call..” sagde han så bare, nej han havde nok for meget stædighed i sig til at give op før han var besvimet, og det samme gjaldt hans tideligere bedste ven, hvis han heller ikke havde ændret sig altså. Sean der ikke havde prøvede kampsport før, kunne ikke gøre andet end at spejle Atanas' bevægelser, han så kort til højre for sig og prøvede at huske nogen af de trick, som de andre i klassen udførte, men det gik lidt hurtigt for ham. Nå men i det mindste var han stræk nok til at tag det, hvad end der kom hans vej. Hans stirrede tilbage på Atanas og et skævt smil fløj over hans læber, ”Yes, please don't.. It would hurt my ego if you did..” sagde han så og knurrede lavt inden han sendte ham et drillesygt smil, der betød: kom an!

”Alrigth.. You make the call..” Damn right, he did. He was the Alpha after all, Sean wasn't... But he had hoped he would've been part of his pack, with as good friends as they had been, that he'd have wanted to finally be in a pack if it was Atanas' pack... But apparently not. So now, here they were, about to beat each other up in a 'friendly' sparring match, probably until one or the other passed out, as high as he already knew their instincts might very well run.

He noticed the smile on Sean's face, heard what he said, and heard the growl... Smirking, Sean got an equally loud, or even louder growl in return, and there was just a short flash of red in Atanas' eyes, the wolf wanting to play... To assert its dominance over the 'lesser' wolf in front of it. "Don't worry... Your ego's probably too big for anything to deflate it now..."

And then, he made his first attack, a quick swipe aimed at Sean's ankles to topple him over, ready to grab a good, strong hold of him if it worked... Not that Atanas wasn't good at his standing game, but his ground game was so much more efficient, especially with the added bulk he had from the sheer weight of his muscles.

Seans øjne var stadig plantet på Atanas' ansigt, klar til at læse mulige tegn hans øjne ville give ham på at han skulle rykke på sig selv, når han ville komme imod ham. Men Atanas' blik var blot lige så koldt og kynisk som Seans eget var, han kunne ikke læse ham så godt, som han havde kunnet for blot et halvt år siden. Han kunne alligevel mærke den hårde kommentar ramme ham et sted dybt inde og for et øjeblik gled der er såret udtryk over hans ansigt, han havde aldrig ment at såre Atanas' men det var kun mere tydeligt nu at det var præcist det han havde gjort. Det gjorde ham helt dårlig faktisk, han ville gerne sætte et smil tilbage på de læber der, et smil der ikke var så hånligt som det Atanas' havde givet ham for et par sekunder siden. Måske det ville hjælpe hvis Atanas' fik lov til at udtrykke sin vrede lidt, igennem handling, men så var det også perfekt at de nu skulle slås. Han betragtede glimtet af det røde i alfaens øjne, som han knurrede tilbage af Sean bare højere. Ingen tvivl om hvem af dem der var den stærkere ulv. Dog havde han ikke tænkt sig at give op med det samme. Han skulle kæmpe til det sidste! Han satte den ene fod bag den anden for at stå bedre fast i det udtrykket i Atanas' øjne skiftede og han kom frem imod Sean. Da Sean ikke var vant til kampsport, at slås på denne måde, havde han ikke set Atanas' træk komme og kunne derfor hellere ikke nå at gøre noget for at forhindre det, så han faldt bag over på måtten, der tog noget af faldet. Før han nåede at reagere var Atanas' allerede over ham og prøvede at holde ham nede med sin styrke. Sean ledte efter en udvej, han holdte sine arme op foran sin overkrop og beskyttede sig selv så meget som muligt for eventuelle slag, og da hans øjeblik kom, rullede han om på maven og væk fra Atanas' greb, hurtigt og smidigt kom han på benene igen, denne gang prøvede han at stå mere fast, klar til endnu et angreb fra Atanas' og valgt dermed også blot at prøve at forsvare sig selv. Måske kunne han udmatte Atanas' nok til rent faktisk at vinde? Det var nok ikke sandsyneligt, men måske? Hvor mange slag kunne han tage, puuh.. Han havde egentlig ikke lyst til at finde ud af det, men det blev han nød til.

Atanas had kept the ey contact with Sean all along, up until he attacked, which meant he'd seen that brief, hurt expression on Sean's face. Why the fuck did he look hurt? He was the one who just left, not the other way around! Unless... Did he actually regret it? No, that couldn't be... Could it? Or had Sean really changed? The Sean he'd known hadn't regretted anything for as long as he'd known him...

But then it was gone, and Atanas was attacking, a move Sean evidently hadn't seen coming, as easy as it had been to topple him over and stradlle him afterwards, trying to get some punches through, but Sean was pretty good at defending himself, so most of the punches went straight to Sean's arms instead of his chest and sides. And then Sean managed to break free, rolling over to quickly get back up to a stand.

"You've gotten better at defending yourself," he dryly remarked - he was certainly better than in their 'playfights' back when they'd still been best friends.
Atanas quickly got up to a stand as well, just circling him and making some half-hearted lunges while waiting for a good moment... And when he saw it, he aimed a proper circle kick at Sean's left side, not as well protected as his right side from what he could see. And as promised, none of his punches or this kick were soft, no, not at all... He knew Sean was tough, after all. But Sean's strategy with tirin him out might not work at all, as Sean already suspected... Atanas had fought for almost an hour straight before, the fight the scars on his chest were from... The battle in which his father had died, and he had taken on the role as the Alpha for the pack.

”Maybe, or you just got weaker?” sagde han lidt for selvglad. Sandsyneligheden for det var ikke eksisterede, han havde set glimtet af rødt i Atanas' øjne, han var alfaen. Sean selv var ikke noget. Det her var ikke en kamp til hans fordel. Han skimtede igen til sin side for at se de andres kamp kort, måske han kunne bruge nogen af deres teknikker? Det var sgu heller ikke helt fair, at han bare blev smidt ud i det på den her måde, nogen burde have lært ham noget først, i hvert fald bare the basic, han kendte ikke engang reglerne. Men han blev nød til bare at tære på sine varulve engenskaber og håbe på at det i sidste ende kunne redde ham. I hvert fald holde ham i live, hvis noget. Da Atanas' selv var kommet på benene, begyndte han at cirkle om Sean, Sean fuldte ham med rundt, havde ikke særlig meget lyst til at vende rygge til ham, men det er gjorde blot at han følte sig mere som et bytte end en kampmakker, eller.. ven. Og den følelse var han sgu ikke særlig glad for. Han gjorde sit bedste for at parere de slag Atanas' prøvede at få ind på ham, det var dog først da sparket kom at han ramte plet. Sean gav et højt hyl fra sig da han faldt om og igen endte op på gulvet. Luften havde forladt hans lunger og han gispede igennem smerten der formede sig i hans venstre side, what the fuck! Was that a broken bone, or what! Hell! No.. He could move. Han gispede efter luft igen, et udtryk af vrede, frembragt af hans instinkter, satte sig i hans ansigt og han sparkede hurtigt ud ever sin ven og prøvede dermed også at få ham væltet om kuld, så han kunne kravle hen over ham og dermed slå ham med alt sin styrke i maven. Det fortjente han nu.

”Maybe, or you just godt weaker?” And there was that self-satisfied tone again of his, urgh, really not what he wanted to hear right now. If anything, Atanas had only gotten stronger, as he slowly got used to his role as the alfa, he'd had a couple fights back in the house when one of the others had questioned him... He'd been beaten up pretty bad since he'd refused to back down.

Sean did manage to parry most of his hits, which was rather impressive in and of itself, but a smile broke through on Atanas' face when his kick connected; that howl of pain, though... It made him happy and sad at the same time. He didn't want to hurt his old friend, he really didn't, but he needed to let out some of his anger, of all his hurt, and the wolf was always good at helping him with that, like now. Beating some sense into Sean seemed like a logical choice, right now. He did notice the change in Sean's expression, and growled just a little at him. "Come on... You can take more than that!" as he'd taken the few seconds to say that, he noticed Sean's kick too late, and it connected - well, that shit hurt, but not as much as having a beta fight him.

Atanas groaned when some of the air was knocked out of his lungs as he fell on his back, and his arms were instantly up, ready for parrying, while he tightened his core muscles, just in case a punch cut through, so it'd hurt less. Another, louder growl escaped when a couple of the punches did connect, it still hurt even with all of his precautions. And then he, with a surge of power coming from the adrenaline, rolled them over, and got Sean into a leg lock, so he could give him some punches right back.

Sean fortsatte med at hamre sin næven ind i de hårde muskler der udgjorde Atanas' mave. Han var så vred. Han holdte hellere ikke igen. Han måtte dog stoppe før end han gerne ville da Atanas' fik overtaget igen og Sean rullede rundt på gulvet sammen med sin tideligere bedsteven. Han lagde godt mærke til den knurren som Atanas' kom med og han svarede ham blot på samme måde. Han sendte ham et hårdt blik da Atanas' fortalte Sean hvor meget han kunne klare, endnu et tegn på hvor godt de kendte hinanden. Han vidste godt han havde ret, men kommentaren havde bare været så nedladende, at det kun gjorde Sean endnu mere vred. Varulven i ham ville ud! Han spændte op i kroppen i det Atanas' fik over taget hel og slagende begyndte at rasle ind. Han forsøgte at forsvare sig selv med sine arme og en gang imellem slog han også ud efter ham. Han prøvede selvfølgelig at vride sig fri, men alfaen havde fået taget på ham, shit! Et højt gisp flød fra hans læber og blev forvandlet til et hyl som smerten fra de slag Atanas' gav ham virkelig satte ind. Det var ikke ligefrem hvad man kunne kalde blidt. ”So.. what.. are you waiting for.. Knock me out then?!” sagde han så højt han kunne mellem slagende, mellem smerten der fik ham til at stønne højt. Han bed dog tænderne sammen og sendte Atanas' et stålfast blik, han havde ikke tænkt sig at råbe stop i hvert fald, så hellere besvime af smerten.
Han kunne ud af øjenkrogen mærke hvordan flere blikke var blevet vendt mod dem, måske de havde fået tilskuere på? Ville læren stoppe Atanas'? Måske. Sean ville nok ønske at ingen skulle blande sig.. men nu var de jo ikke ligefrem alene. Så det var ikke noget han kunne bestemme over eller ej.

Sean had at least managed to get some grunts out of Atanas with the punches, and he knew his abdomen would be bruised soon enough. But as soon as he'd gotten Sean into his leg lock, and he could see Sean didn't know how to get out of locks yet, he knew he was going to win - well, he knew it already, but now he knew he was guaranteed an easy win. He heard the pained howl, the gasp, and he could feel how the wolf rejoiced in his mind, he was winning, he was putting the 'bitch' in its place, as the wolf would've said.

"As you please," he growled, and, even though knowing it wasn't allowed in martial arts, he gave Sean a right punch directly to one of his temples, effectively knocking him out. With Sean knocked out, some of his rage disappeared, and, breathing hard, he finally let go of Sean and got back up to a stand, just to turn around and watch the teacher yelling at him. "Yeah yeah, I'll go to the principal's office." he growled, and left class quickly, doing the quickest change of cloth ever, before stomping off in direction of the main building of the school.

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Two days later, he was walking around outside, a lot more calm, even with all the things that had been running through his head since that class. Despite that it might've not seemed like it, he really hoped that he and Sean could become friends again. He'd never had such deep friendship with anyone else before, they had truly had something special... And he hoped their fight hadn't ruined it completely. Sighing, he reached up into one of the fruit trees, grabbing a pear and taking a good, big bite of it.

Sean vred sig i smerten fra slagene der blev ved med at hamre ind mod hans krop, han prøvede virkelig at komme fri, men han kendte ikke de rigtige tricks til det, han overvejede et kort øjeblik bare at bide Atanas' men det ville han sikkert ikke komme godt afsted med alligevel, så han lod hver. Klynkede bare højt af smerten og da knytnæven ramte ham, faldt han livløs omkuld med et stille suk der gled over hans læber. Han vågnede senere op i hospitalsfløjen og måtte have en af sygeplejerskerne til at fortælle ham hvad der var sket, da han virkelig ikke kunne huske det.. Først da han fik det fortalt gav han et opgivende suk fra sig, minderne sneg sig tilbage i hans dunkende hovede.. Shit det havde gjort ondt! Heldigvis var han bygget af lidt mere end de fleste og blev hurtigt udskrevet igen, med et par smertestillende i en æske, tvang han sin ømme krop og sit dunkende hovede tilbage til sin egen seng, hvor han igen gik om kuld.

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Sean havde fået undervisningens fri de sidste to dage, på grund af 'uheldet' til kampsport, dog var han allerede nu så meget oven på igen at han følte sig frisk nok til en gå tur, normalt ville han have løbet en tur, men hans krop var stadig ikke helt med på ideen, de mærke han havde sig så ikke just rare ud, selvom hovedet havde det okay igen, han havde ikke heldigvis ikke fået nogen hjerterystelse eller noget så slemt.. Men stadig.. Han følte sig godt ødelagt. Alligevel var ikke sur på Atanas', han følte faktisk lidt han havde fortjent det. Han vidste godt at hvad han havde gjort ikke havde været okay, men dengang havde han bare set det som den eneste mulighed. Han forlod skolen og kom ud i den frie luft og et suk løb fra hans læber, det var rart. Han vandrede lidt omkring i haven inden han fik øje på den mørkhårede bulgarer lidt væk, han nærmede sig ham så lige så langsomt, han vidste ikke hvilket humør Atanas' ville være i idag, men han havde noget på hjertet, og han blev nød til at sige det. En meter fra ham stoppede han op og nikkede roligt som en hilsen. ”I'm sorry..” sagde han så ret stille og fangede Atanas' blik.

Atanas had by then eaten the pear, core and all, and flicked the stem in among the trees, after which he closed his eyes, leant back against the tree, and let his bare hand rest against the tree's bark. Breathing slowly, steadily, he used the one of his abilities that was the most calming, soothing to him, and listened to whatever the tree, and the trees it was in contact with, could tell him. He saw flashes of what had happened the past day around the trees, concentrating on all the little animals - mainly birds and squirrels - having fun. A weak smile lit up his lips, before his nose picked up a well-known scent.

He removed his hand from the tree, and opened his eyes again - as expected, that was Sean walking towards him, a bit slower than usual. He was probably still in a bit of pain, though. All of Atanas' own bruises from the fight had pretty much healed up - at least, he didn't show any of the pain that was still there, as he turned to face him, when he stopped just around a meter before him.

He looked into Sean's eyes as they caught his. "And you should be," he said first, a bit colder than he'd wanted to. Then he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, rubbing at his neck a little. "Look - I shouldn't have beat you up that badly. But you know what it's like when the wolf feels wronged. I couldn't help it, and to be fair, you hurt me. A lot."

Sean slog så igen blikket en smule skamfuldt ned. Han vidste ikke helt hvor han skulle starte, hvis han skulle prøve at forklare sig. Han kunne ikke fortælle Atanas sandheden, det ville bare.. Ødelægge alt jo. Han så op igen da han blev mødt af et lige så hårdt og koldt svar som han nok lidt havde forventet og han sukkede en anelse opgivende.. Okay, hvis deres venskab alligevel ikke bar til at redde, så kunne han måske lige så godt være ærlig over for Atanas. Han lagde først hovedet på skrå og rystede så bare lidt på med det inden han fangede Atanas' øjne igen som han sagde.. Undskyld? For det her.. Ah, det var jo bare et par blå mærker, det gik over igen. ”It's fine.. I can take it, anyway I asked you to do it.. Thought It would feel better though.. but.. I still feel like shit..” sagde han så til sidst.. Han havde troet af det at få bank fra Atanas' faktisk ville rydde hans samvittighed lidt, men det havde ikke gjort det bedre. ”I know I did.. But.. I... It was.. I'm hurt to!!” sagde han så til sidst og sukkede opgivende. ”I wasn't easy leaving.. you.. But I had to..” svarede han så til sidst og mødte skamfuldt Atanas øjne. Han brød sig ikke om hvor den her snak var på vej hen, og han brød sig endnu mindre om at skulle dele ud af sine følelser på den her måde. Han skævede tilbage til Atanas' og så, så ned i jorden.

Atanas watched him as he started to explain, looking away for a second to pick two pears from the tree. "You're not the only one feeling like shit," he admitted. He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone else, but he still trusted Sean, dammit! Even as much as he'd hurt him. "Want one?" he then asked, holding out one of the pears to him as he began munching on the other. Eating had always helped them both keep their heads calm - a full stomach meant less of a temper and it was also easier talking about feelings when you had something to focus on.

He sighed and leant back up against the tree. Well, good thing, then, caus eit had really hurt like a motherfucker, that 'betrayal' as he'd just watched Sean leave and didn't really know what he'd done wrong. "... You had to? Why? What made you just disappear like that? I went after you, tried to look for you, but I couldn't find you anywhere. Where the hell did you run off to, Sean?" and finally, all the anger had left his voice as he looked at his former best friend once more. "I needed you, man."

Sean bed sig selv lidt i læben og sendte Atanas' et trist blik, han havde det lidt af h' til lige nu, det stod tydeligt skrevet i hans ansigt, han vidste bare ikke, hvordan han skulle gøre det godt igen. Han kunne ikke finde ud af det, at sige det.. Gøre det.. For fuck sake! Hans blik gled over på den pære Atanas' rakte ud mod ham og han fandt måske en smule komisk.. Et lille grin fløj over hans læber, ganske kort, som han rakte ud og tog imod frugten, han stirrede lidt på den, vendte den i sine hænder, inden han rettede sit blik mod Atanas' igen og smilet var væk. Han kunne høre vreden i hans stemme og tog automatisk et skridt væk fra ham, han kunne ikke holde til flere bank lige nu, han var allerede ødelagt, så hvis Atanas' ikke kunne styre sit temperament, så ville han i hvert fald være klar til at vende sig om og løbe. Det sidste han sagde var dog ikke lige så vredt som det første og Sean blev stående hvor han stod. ”I... It was.. You.. And..I couldn't just.. Because..” sagde han håbløst og gav et langt halv arrigt suk fra sig. ”I was in love with you.. I think.. Or at least.. I had feelings for you.. And.. In the end, they grew so.. big, I couldn't control it.. It was so hard seeing you.. fooling around with anyone but me.. Like you didn't even care about me.. You didn't notice anything, and I was just to big of a coward to ever say anything.. Because.. I know.. You would never feel the same way.. And when you asked me, if I wanted to join.. Yes.. I would have.. But.. At the same time, it would have broken my heart, I think.. So yes, I ran.. Better to not be with you at all, than to see you be with someone else.. Or so i thought.” sagde han stille, med blikket fast på Atanas' det var hans forklaring.. Den var ægte nok.. Han kunne mærke gåsehuden sprede sig på sin krop og hjerte banke derud af.. This was shit! Han hadet den følelse, det her.. følelser i det hele taget, det var så fucking nederen! Han vendte sig ansigt væk og stirrede lidt ud over haven, betragtede nogen træer, buske.. wahtever. Kunne næsten ikke møde Atanas' blik igen, så fyldt af skam han følte sig. ”I needed you too..” næsten hviskede han så bare.. He did.. But.. In more than one way.. Fuck.

Atanas stood there and watched him for a bit, just the flicker of a smile on his lips at Sean's small laugh when he took the offered fruit. Well, that was a start at least. That, and that Sean hadn't just run away from him when he saw him again, though he did notice him taking that one step away from him. Alright, alright, keep the anger out of your voice. Now is not the time for that, now is the time to listen and be supportive - to be the good friend you were.

He furrowed his brows a little at the first thing Sean said, while he apparently tried to kick himself to say whatever it was he needed to say, and he heard the angry sigh. Well, he knew that feeling so well. He'd been much worse the first couple times Lucifer had tried to get him to talk about his feelings. He hated talking about feelings as much as Sean apparently did, but it was important they get it out now, or their friendship might never be salvageable. His eyes widened a bit when Sean continued though. Because.... Really? How come he'd never noticed? Oh.. Right. He'd just been wound up in trying to find a Luna for himself and never had considered guys. He'd only been fooling around with what... One or two guys... and that was after Sean left him...

Atanas bit his lip, sighed, and looked off to the side. "And... How do you feel about it, now? Not... Not about joining the pack. Screw that. Right now, I just want to know if we can ever be friends again." he did hear how Sean's heart was hammering away in his chest - his own pulse wasn't much better right now. "Because..." and he stepped closer, to put his hand on one of Sean's shoulders, giving it a gentle squeeze as he caught Sean's eyes with his own, "... I want you back at my side, more than anything. I still need you, dude."

Sean stod lidt i stilheden der fulgte og lyttede til de to varulve hjerter der slog, han kunne mærke at han fik det sådan helt dårligt, hvad var det? Han følte sig vidst en smule svimmel, måske skulle han alligevel være blevet i sin seng et par dage mere, han var desværre bare alt for stædig til at ligge stille i så lang tid, han kunne bare ikke. Hans øjne bevægede sig langsomt tilbage til Atanas da han endelig svarede ham og han gav et stille suk fra sig.. Ja selvfølgelig.. Han ville gerne være hans ven igen, der var virkelig intet han hellere ville.. Men.. Han var bare lidt bange for, at få sine følelser i klemme igen, hvad nu hvis alt det han engang havde følt for Atanas' igen brudte igennem? Blev han så nød til at løbe sin vej igen? Nej.. Ikke mere af den slags, nu måtte han bare lære at være ærlig, ja.. Måske kunne de godt prøve.. Måske. Men så var der alligevel noget der gjorde Sean en anelse vred, hvis ikke såret, måden Atanas' havde svarede ham på, han var virkelig bare ligeglad, var han ikke? ”I don't know..” sagde han så bare lidt opgivende til det hele.. Han vidste ikke helt.. Han havde følelser for Atanas' ja.. Men lige nu var de ikke.. på samme måde som før.. det var anderledes, han savnede ham bare, som ven, han var ked af det hele.. alt det lort og sådan.. men romantiske følelser, nej.. nej det troede han ikke.. Og om de kunne blive venner igen? Åh.. ”Wel.. Maybe? But.. Do you think you could? Knowing how I may feel about you? I'm not sure.. I could..” sagde han så, prøvede at bevare roen, men den indre vrede.. åh, den ville så gerne frem. ”I'm.. It's.. Well.. I just think it's going to be.. Hard..” sagde han så ærligt, for dem begge to? Der var meget der skulle.. fikses.

Atanas never once took his eyes from him, carefully watching all the expressions flittering across Sean's face, and he both clearly heard and saw the sigh. For now, he just settled for listening to Sean's answer, trying to prepare him for whatever it might be, remembering what Lucifer had said... Advised him to. He knew he had to accept whatever answer Sean gave him, he couldn't and wouldn't force anyone to do anything... Except for some times with his pack, where he, after all, had to assert himself as the alfa if he didn't want anyone to challenge him for the title.

"I..." he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, thoughtfully. "... I don't know if I can, but I'll be damned if I don't try. I... You know I can't promise you anything, at least not of that sort. Not that... Not that I haven't been interested," he admitted. Well, he was bisexual, he'd just been keeping it to himself until a couple months ago. And Sean was, after all, quite good looking. "But I can't really allow myself anything like that, no matter how much I'd like to. Unless I'll be lucky enough to get myself a Luna that won't mind," he added with a dry laugh, knowing that would most likely not happen. "But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be able to call myself your friend again, chovek." and that old nickname rolled so easily from his lips... Like it'd just been yesterday...

Hans øjne flakkede lidt, kunne ikke helt holde øjenkontakten med Atanas. Han søgte ind af i et forsøg på at forstå sine egen følelser, uden at lykkes rigtigt. Han anede ikke hvad han skulle føle eller syntes. Det virkede bare mere og mere håbløst og tiden der sneg sig afsted gjorde ham utålmodig.. Efter?
Hans øjne gled tilbage til Atanas da han pludselig fortalte Sean at han havde været intresseret.. I hvad!? I ham? ”What the hell man.. Don't say that!” sagde han vredt, med et såret blik i øjnene! Nu skulle han kraft edme ikke komme her og sige sådan noget! Sean havde jo brugt det sidste halve år på at komme over ham. Ville ikke trækkes ind i det igen, han vidste det var umuligt alligevel! De ville aldrig blive andet end de var nu, end de havde været.. Nemlig venner. ”Why the hell do you say it then? Are you just trying to hurt me? Torture me, or what???!” sagde han stadig vredt og kastede den dumme pære fra sig så den ramte lige ved siden af Atanas fod.. Hm!
Han skævede til ham ved det sidste han sagde, lidt som om hans hjerte alligevel sprang et slag over da Atanas kaldte ham chovek.. Satans! Vreden gled lidt i baggrunden og han stod bare og så såret og trist ud. Fucking hell!!! FUCK! ”I...” sagde han, men der kom ikke mere ud.

Atanas sighed to himself, and ate the last bite of his own pear; core and all. Never letting any food go to waste, that was something that still stuck with him from when his father had taught him that you couldn't always count on bountiful food, prey... So better eat what you could.

He actually flinched a little when Sean suddenly threw that pear at him, having been lost in his own thoughts for a while. "What? No! Why the fuck should I want to hurt you, much less torture you? When I've missed you this bad? No matter if you believe it or not, you're still very important to me, Sean. I just... Thought you wanted to know the truth." his voice had been raised at the start, but then he managed to reign in his temper, closing his eyes and turning his head off to the side.

"We... Used to be able to tell each other all kinds of stuff. Didn't we? This just seems... It's so... Broken. And I want to fix it. But I can't fix it if you don't want to fix it, too. If we don't give it a second chance. Sean, man, I really like you. You're the best friend I've ever had." he told him, sincerity in his voice and eyes.

Sean fandt en eller anden dum blomst på jorden og begyndte bare at nedstirre den i stedet for at kigge på Atanas. Han sukkede opgivende, nu blev han sgu da nød til at gå! Der var ikke mere at sige! Fucking hell. Hans øjne gled dog op igen da Atanas svarede ham igen, han fokuserede dog bare på et punkt på hans kind, kunne ikke helt se ham i øjnene.. Ikke de der store.. brune.. hundeøjne.. Nope! Hans ord ramte ham lidt i hjertet og nu stod han der bare.. Kunne ikke finde sproget igen.
”Fuck” sagde han så bare og sukkede igen, jov.. Han ville gerne fikse det, han kunne bare virkelig ikke se hvordan. Det var så ødelagt ja. Kunne han se forbi sin gamle forelskelse, var den overhovedet helt væk? Han så op i Atanas øjne igen, prøvede at mærke efter.. Men han anede ikke om det han følte var.. følelser for ham, romantiske følelser, eller om det var savn.. Savnede ham som sin ven. Han nikkede så helt forsigtigt og tog et par skridt frem mod ham.
”You know I can't be mad at you, when you call me that” sagde han så og lagde sine arme om Atanas og trak ham ind til sig i et venskabeligt kram, med et par gode dunk i ryggen! ”I missed you too.. So much..” sagde han stille ind mod Atanas øre.

Stille, indvendigt, gav Atanas ham ret i det der 'fuck'. For ja, alt det her var fucked up, havde det været lige siden dengang. Men mange ting der blev helt fucked up på, kunne der som regel stadig rettes op på. Hvis han selv skulle sige det, var hans pack et godt bevis på det... Hvor splittede de havde været lige da hans far døde, da de skulle vænne sig til hans anderledes styre, men nu lod tingene til at fungere, de havde accepteret hans mere 'demokratiske' fremgang... Yes. Så kunne det her sikekrt også godt fixes... Det håbede han i alt fald på.

Han så ikke væk da Sean så ham ind i øjnene, nej, han gengældte blikket, lod alle de mange følelser vise sig. Normalt prøvede han at lægge skjul på sine følelser, alt det med altid at fremstå stærk for sit pack... Men foran Sean vidste han at han ikke behøvede det. Han ville ikek tro ham svagere bare fordi han godt kunne vise sine følelser engang imellem. Han sank stille, nærmest umærkeligt en lille klump i hans hals da Sean trådte tættere på ham. Betød det...?

Så hørte han hvad Sean sagde, og trak et lille lettelsens suk da han blev trukket ind i et rigtigt bro-hug, den type kram de altid havde delt... Og han gengjaldt det selvfølgelig, også med et par gode dunk i Sean's ryg. "... It's so good seeing you again, Sean. Just.... Just talking to you. I missed it like crazy, you can't even imagine." og da krammet brød, og de stod der og så på hinanden igen, bredte der sig et af de større, velkendte grin på Atanas' læber.

Sean slap ham langsomt efter det venskabelige kram og tog et skridt tilbage så han kunne se ham ordenligt igen.. Og ja for ikke at stå oppe i ansigtet på ham, det var jo ikke lige så normalt, vel.
Et smil lagde sig også omkring Seans læber og han nikkede let, yeah.. De havde savnet hinanden begge to.. Men nu var de her.. Sammen igen. Sean sukkede stille ”I guess this means we're friends again..” sagde han lidt tøvende med smilede så bare, okay, det ville han jo også gerne forhelved! Det var bare svært med alle de der mærkelige følelser.. Men han ville give det et skud! Han havde savnet sin ven. ”Soo, want to try and make my your beta again?” sagde han drillende og grinede lidt som hans øjne gled rundt i haven, han slappede lidt mere af nu. Nu måtte de altså stoppe med at være så tøsede også, altså! Sean hadet det følelses lort der! Han var meget bedre til bare.. At snakke overfladisk, han havde jo heller aldrig rigtig haft nogen tætte venner, bortset fra Antans. Nej de venner han havde haft havde han bare lagt an på og enten haft sex med dem, uden at ringe, haft sex med dem et par gange, løbet væk når tingene blev seriøst.. Eller så havde han ødelagt venskabet ved at lægge an på dem.. Tjaa.. Men sådan var han altså bare. Også derfor det var rart at have Atanas tilbage, han kunne godt bruge en ven.. Yeah.

Atanas breathed a slow, long sigh of relief when the hug broke again, and he saw the tentative smile with the next thing Sean said. "I guess it does," he told him, a smile spreading on his own face. He hadn't thought this would go over so smoothly... Lucifer had been right after all, in pushing him to do this as soon as Sean was well enough for this. He was pretty sure yesterday would've been too early and Sean might've just fled instead, but this had, apparently, been just the right time for a reconciliation with him.

And then he laughed, and scratched his neck just a bit awkwardly. "Was it that clear that I was planning to make you my beta, even back then?" he asked him, with just a small, crooked smile. perhaps it had been, even though he'd tried to cover it up... Or, well, maybe not to others, but it might've been obvious to Sean after all... He'd probably spoken more with him than anyone in his pack, in that time they'd been so good friends, the feelings they were trying to return to... "Because... Yeah, I was planning on that, back then. But I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. I don't do it with anyone in my pack, and I won't do it to you either, no matter what."