Apology (noun): Spoken expression of one's regret for having wronged another

Place: Nelson's Estate
Date and time: 07/05/2022, after dinner
Weather: Cloudy, the sun is still up

Dedicated to: @Kemuel Nelson

”Knock, knock,” was spoken softly while Tien knocked on Kemuel’s door. It wasn’t shut completely, and therefore moved by the small knocks. She licked her lips nervously. “Can I come in?” she wondered and folded her arms, almost hugging herself. She was dressed in the shorts and the T-shirt that she used for sleeping. She wouldn’t step inside his room unless he allowed her to. Not even a toe. She placed her hands on her lower back, “I just, really need to talk to you,” she said with a trying smile. It was really tough to apologize, and even though she had apologized to quite the bunch by now, she had saved this as the last. Believed last, at least. She knew that it was going to take her more courage, because she had really just been in his way and hadn’t been able to be there for him like she should have. Instead, she had caused so much anger, frustration, and worry. Now she just wished to apologize to him, for everything she had done and how it had affected him and the friends he had had visiting. God, maybe she also had to apologize to some of the Walkers and Jones’s? It almost took the air out of her lungs, by the short thought.

It was a little over a month since a tragedy had struck the academy. One of the students had lost their lives, brutally murdered on his way home with his girlfriend. To think Nick was gone was almost unimaginable; he had used so much time with him, especially after everything had gone down with Taylor, and he wasn’t really sure what foot to stand on. So, he had found a friend just to sit and draw with; he wasn’t pushed to say anything, which had been one of the things he had needed the most – space. It was a dangerous thing alone because that was when his thoughts started to spiral, and he didn’t know how to stop them. But when you found someone where you didn’t need to say a word but didn’t leave you alone. It was rare, and if he was being honest, he had spent more time making sure that Rose, Iris and Mary-Jane were all right. Hell, everyone but him had been his first priority, which meant he was paying the price when he was alone.
He quickly dried his tears as he heard someone knock on his door, and he turned to look at it. “Can’t it wait?” he grunted, not really in the mood to talk with his sister right now, but as she told him that she really needed to speak with him, he took a deep breath and tried to relax. “Okay?” he said, raising a brow, almost as a way of saying that she should then speak what was on her mind.

She could hear it on him, and even though she didn’t know the reason, she believed that her situation hadn’t made it easier for whatever he was processing. When he told her okay, she pushed the door a little more open to enter and close it behind her, making the door click. She moved over to him and took one of the soft chairs in his room to sit somewhat close to him. As soon as she sat, she felt like every word left her, and it took a second or two before she could look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry that I’m interrupting,” she spoke softly, interlocking her fingers on top of her lap and pulling a small smile. “I just-” she cleared her throat, “I don’t know if this is a bad time to do this if we are both emotional-” she said almost feeling like she was being choked from anxiety, “But I really care for you,” she said, and her eyes started tearing up, feeling like something was standing on her chest as she spoke. “I never liked to see you hurt,” she let her fingers untangle and turned one of her hands, mostly wanting him to take her hand, but respected if he didn’t want to, it was just for her own comfort. “And I am so, so sorry for everything I have said and done,” a tear escaped her eye. “I have hurt you multiple times and there is nothing-” she swallowed a lump that stopped her from speaking, “There is nothing I regret more… than having hurt you,” her voice was so quiet, even though she wanted everything to be spoken so clearly. “So, I just, really want to be here for you as you have been there for me, even though I am positive most of the time you didn’t want to,” she said and pulled a small apologetic smile. “And I’m sorry it took so long to apologize to you, and I should have done it a long time ago, but I-” she dried away whatever was on her cheek. She stopped for a moment as she could feel that her crying was being in the way for the point “I just don’t want to let you down,” she sobbed, “I, I had to be sure that I was strong,” she bit her lip a little. She shook her head a little. “I really don’t want to let you down,” she spoke softly.

It was like someone pulled a bag over his head and started tightening it around his throat, cutting off the air and, all the same, making everything around him muffled. And yet, despite all that, he could hear her crystal clear; it was like he didn’t understand at first. His eyes still caught in hers as she apologised for what she had said and done, for the times she had hurt him and wanted to be there for him. She was sorry that it had taken so long even to apologise and then to the fact that she didn’t want to let him down.
As she finished, it was like he could breathe again, not that it helped the aching feeling that spread in his chest. Because there was some part of him knowing that her healing process came with the forgiveness people gave her. Then there was the part of him being an angel that almost forced him to see the good in people no matter what, or at least be more prone to the forgiving part. But it wasn’t just about the summer; that was just the tip of the iceberg. Ruined birthdays, ruined Christmas’. That all was so much more precious now that their mother couldn’t be around like she had used to be, pulled away from them because she had been in a time and place she shouldn’t have been. It took all in him not to blame Seraphina, even if it wasn’t fair to do that. Sometimes pain and anger weren’t rational, it just was, and someone needed to pay.
He had no idea how long he just sat there looking at her, a million thoughts going through his mind. So many conversations that he could start or words he could tell her.
But all he could was, “Thank you”, he mumbled and then turned around to look at the drawing he had been trying to make for the last couple of hours.

She didn’t know what was going on. He sat, looking at her, and she tried to contain herself from not continuing to ramble, because she knew that she would never be done apologizing. It was endless even though it had only been a few years of her life. She could feel how she had a giant lump in her throat, that wouldn’t allow her to breathe properly. She held her breath, feeling how tears spilled. The back of her hand dried her tears of her cheeks and she sniffled as she waited for whatever he was processing. She didn’t want to push it.
Thank you.
A small quivering smile spread on her lips and her hand moved quickly over her cheeks to dry them. She could breathe again, shakingly. She nodded and tried to keep tears from spilling too much. Why did it hurt so much in her chest? “I- Do you mind if I sit here with you?” she spoke softly. She knew that it could be difficult to forgive, and she didn’t want to force the words out of him, that was not the point. The point was only that she wanted to apologize and the people who needed to hear them heard her apologies.

He thought about it for a moment, and if he were being honest, he would rather just be alone, but he also knew that some of it was him meeting her halfway, so he nodded and gave her a small smile before he picked up a coloured pen and started putting on some pink shades to the picture. At this point, he was just making drawings for his friends, that seemed to be rather fond of getting them every now and then. And he had, after all, also given Tien a picture as an apology for how he had been acting when he had come back from his little, improv holiday with his father. Well, not that it had been a holiday other than a kidnapping. And at this point, he was still waiting for his father to show up and tell him to pack his bags, which was stupid because of the very fact that he was now an adult and he couldn’t do anything to him, but the fear was still there.