Brewing the First Apology

Tien had been writing things down in her diary. Speeches. Endless of speeches. Some of them with the same topic, other about something completely different. The most important thing on the other hand was that she had agreed with herself that she had to start somewhere. She had no real idea of how much trouble she had caused, but she really knew that there was a lot. She knew that nothing would ever be forgotten, but she hoped for a slight bit of forgiveness, or at least an acceptance of what she was going to say. Now, all of the things that Tien had been rambling about in front of her mirror, writing down and all that had been preparation for one of many friend or family conversations that she was going to have. She was going to start of with Laila, because for some reason, she felt like that was the best start. With a slick handwritten invitation, Tien had invited Laila to a meet at Brewed in Gaia square. She had chosen to arrive early so she could look through her diary with a cup of tea in her hand. As soon as Laila arrived, she put the diary away. “Hi,” she said softly, looking at her sister before she looked down at her wallet which had been split because she had looked for change. “Here, get yourself something to drink,” she said and handed Laila some money to get herself something to drink. They had a small round table and two bigger armrests to sit in in a little corner, Tien of course sitting in one of them.

Outfit
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Tien had invited her. That was a first, or at least a long time ago since the two sisters had done anything together really, way to many years and way to many traumas ago. So, Laila had been surprised when she had gotten the message from Tien, maybe Tien was just getting a bit jealous of how many times Laila and Sariel went out for coffee and wanted to join the activities. Now, it wasn't like Laila disliked Tien in any way, she loved all of her siblings. But things had always been hard, and she had been so mad at Tien in various of different ways. And yes, she was happy that she was getting see Tien creating this whole new path and identity after all the things that had happened to their family. She was thrilled, there were just still things that were unsolved. Laila parked in the parking lot to the mall, before heading upstairs towards the café where they were set to meet.

Laila walked in and looked around before finding her sister in the small crowd sitting by a table and walked closer. "Hey," she gave Tien a tender smile, pressing her brows a bit together as Tien gave her some money. "Alright then," she then headed up to the counter to order herself her usual, Iced expresso with coconut milk, two pumps of vanilla sirup, and cream on top. One could argue it wasn't in season, but Laila - she didnt' care. It was only a week or so since the whole thing with Zadkiel had happened, and perhaps it was also a reason why despite her former beef with Tien, she couldn't afford to be angry, annoyed or skeptical about her sisters actions. And then there was the old fear in the sand, just waiting for Tien to ask her to borrow some money or do something for her to get somewhere. Because before things had gotten out of hand back then, there had been nothing Laila wouldn't have done for her sister - but of course, like all the rest, they hadn't seen the warning signs before it had been to late. Laila sat back down at the table with her drink and looked towards Tien. "How are you doing?" She asked with a warm smile, casual conversation right? Realizing perhaps it had been a while since the two of them had actually just talked while being the two of them. Had it been years since they had a real conversation?

Tien had once been such a sunflower who sparked energy and love everywhere she went. It had only turned to the complete opposite when she had met Judas and now was finally the time to correct the faults she had made. She wasn’t going to be the person who she once was before all of this. No, too much had changed to go back to what she had been. She was someone new, and she needed to get a clean slate before she could really start being the new her. It was going to take some time, but that was okay.

Her sister accepted the money for something to drink. While Laila was getting herself something to drink Tien could settle her nerves. The worst thing that could happen was not to be forgiven. She didn’t know what she would do if Laila didn’t forgive her or if Laila didn’t trust the apology. She would have to see if that was what was going to unfold. One step at the time.
When Laila got back, Tien looked up at her sister with a warm smile, having her hands hug her cup of tea. “I’m doing okay despite the recent events,” she said with a wide smile and nodded a little. “A-and you?” she wondered, almost taking courage to what she had actually wanted to say to her sister. Even though it was really selfish, the apology simply filled so much in her head that she had trouble focusing. She would nod, understandingly at Laila’s reply before she would look down at her tea.

“Laila...? I umh,” she swallowed a lump, nodding a little while she almost pulled the courage up from her stomach. “I actually wanted to invite you here to eh…” the words disappeared, and she closed here eyes, hugging the cup a little tighter between her fingers. She opened her eyes blinking a little with her gaze on her cup. She folded her lips thinking about the correct words, sentence and how much would be too much. Reminding someone of all the bad things that had been done could also harm, right? She took a smaller breath, “I actually invited you here to apologize for all the things I’ve said,” she exhaled, “And umh-” she bit her lip neverously, “I really regret it. I know I’ve hurt you multiple times,” she said and tried to find her words again, “And I can’t- I’m sorry,” she looked up at her sister feeling hurt by thinking of the awful things she had said to her sister through the years.

Tien was okay, one step you could never really know. Laila had been afraid that she would fall back into a dark hole after the things that had happened to Zadkiel. "As fine as I can be," which was a lot. But Laila also seemed to have such a flexible back that no matter how far she bended she never did break. Someone did have to withstand the pressure that the world tried to crush her siblings with.

Laila...? I umh, for a second Laila got worried, once agian - who could blame her? She lived in a constant worry for all of her siblings. She could see Tien was struggling to find her words, but didn't interrupt her in her speech, but just looked at her, letting her find the words on her own, because well Laila didn't know why she had invited her here. Then the words came out, over the things she had said to Laila over the years, making Laila lick her lips a little bit. Well there was a lot, and the two girls had been fighting like crazy - even if Laila wasn't the type of person to become angry for long periods of the time, Tien hadn't just hurt her, she had hurt every one. And it wasn't just words, it was broken promises, trusts had been ripped apart multiple times. You didn't know if she would get home. It was comforting Kemuel and Seraphina that didn't understand what their sister was doing, nor why she behaved the way she did. Laila knew they would forgive, but she was also sure none of them could just forget it. Even if Tien said she regretted it, Laila also knew there was no way Tien could remember all the things she had said and done under influence. "I appreciate it," she slowly exhaled as a small warm smile pulled on Laila's lips. "I can forgive you for that - you weren't yourself," she took a deeper breath in, letting her fingertips tab on the cold glass. "I just still think we all sometimes have a little trouble trusting that it won't happen again, but I'm willing to us working on building that trust up again, now more than ever," Laila added. Because even if she was a forgiving creature, Tien also had to understand that it wasn't just the words that had shattered something between everyone, it was every single little action.

It was important for Tien to know that her sister was as fine as she could be. It meant a lot with the things she had been through, not to forget the extra load that Tien had put on her. It also meant that there was a chance that this apology would go well, but the most important thing was just that she apologized. Things wouldn’t be forgotten, but hopefully forgiven, but she didn’t even dare to hope for that.

Tien looked up at her sister as she said she appreciated it. It felt like a big stone just landed in her stomach, or maybe her stomach just stopped turning. She felt slightly elevated. Ligtened. But she didn’t dare to trust it yet. She swallowed a lump as her sister explained how she could forgive her. It felt like her whole body was crumbling, but not of sorrow, but because Tien appreciated that Laila forgave her It meant a lot and it gave her hope for the following apologies. She held her breath every time Laila opened her mouth, fearing a but. She pulled a quivering smile. Tien understood why they her family might not trust that it wouldn’t happen again, and Tien simply nodded to that. “Thank you,” she pulled a sharp breath in and looked away shortly, blinking a couple of times trying to make sure that tears wouldn’t spill. Happy tears. Appreciative tears. Tien didn’t want to assure her sister about sobriety or anything alike, because she didn’t want to break another promise, but Tien deeply hoped that she was going to stay sober. She didn’t want to be addicted anymore. She wanted to move on. “Thank you,” she whispered again looking at her sister. She quickly swatted away a tear that had escaped her eyes. She exhaled slowly, feeling how all the nervousness left with the breath. She let her hands fold around her cup. “Arh man,” she exhaled  and rubbed her forehead a little before she took a sip of her drink “This, this means so much to me,” Even though she never had believed that anyone would ever forgive her, it meant a lot to her that her sister wanted to forgive her and work on building up trust. Tien wanted to forever apologize and thank her sister, because the feeling of what she had done kept nagging her, but she appreciated that her sister wanted to work with it. She folded her lips a little, feeling that she wanted to continue the conversation, but having been so gone in drugs and what not, she barely knew her sister anymore. She barely knew anyone.