How to disappear

Dedicated to @Felix
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It was one day since she had taken a girls’ night out. It had been something she had been needing. It was mainly because it had been the first time she hadn’t been thinking about what to do with her mother’s pilling medical bills.
Now she had her day off, and she could sit back with her mother enjoying an episode from Days of Our lives, which was the most horrible soap opera that there was, but well, what you didn’t do for your mother when she was sick and wanted some quality time with her daughter.

That was how the night should have been going—her laughing beside her mother’s bed. Throwing popcorn at the tv screen that was so small that it couldn’t dissolve the pictures correctly, and the red was just a little too fake. Making blood and lipstick stick out like a sore thumb. But it was their life, and she loved every moment of it because she adored her mother.
But that hadn’t been how it had gone down. Now she was standing here, doctors and nurses running back and forth, and no one seemed to be the ones that were caring for her mother. No one had told her anything, and for a moment, she felt utterly alone, although she knew that she could call Kailani and she would be there to help her. Maybe it was a stupid pride that was not letting her, always telling her that she needed to take care of these things herself. Her mother her responsibility, even if it would end up killing her of the stress she was putting on her body.
After pacing back and forth, she finally walked over and sat down, staring into the void, hoping that soon someone would tell her that she could bring her mother home again.

“Bottoms up!” Felix had told his ‘friends’ as they had been sitting at the harbor. He and Johan had found a group of fresh young people and sat drinking with them, enjoying the evening. Well, as long as it lasted because eventually, Johan had gotten up on a table to dance with Felix. It had been all fun and giggles until the table buckled under them and Johan fell. Firstly, landing awkwardly on the edge of the harbor, secondly falling into the sea. Everyone simply stood. Staring and in shock, Felix had simply landed on his wrists and not taken more damage than skin abrasions. Though the cuts were bleeding, he was quick to crawl to the edge and look for his friend. Splashes, screams. With no second thought, he jumped in to save his friend.

That was how he ended up completely soaked with his friend at the hospital. Johan had broken his femur and had been close to drowning. It had just been lucky that Felix had tried to save him, and that someone had called for an ambulance immediately. And the police of course.
Felix saw how doctors were pulling his friend away from him on a hospital bed, and he was left to wait. He even made sure that he paid for the surgery that his friend was going under. A drop in the sea, right? He was handed some of the hospital clothing and a blanket to warm himself with. Having to wait for quite a while, he picked a cup of coffee and waltzed around the hospital halls. That was when he noticed Penelope sitting all by herself, looking incredibly lost. At first, he looked around to make sure that nobody was about to come for her, but as he was certain, he walked over to her and sat down next to her. “Hey,” he said, hoping to get through to her. She seemed to be in shock, and he had taken way too many first aid classes to know that everyone had to be taken care of.

The soft hey made her look up. She blinked for a moment, not really comprehending who he was or why he was standing there. At first, she believed that he was a doctor, but by the way he looked, he could be a patient or someone that was here because of a friend that had been admitted? Then it dawned on her. “Ah, if its‘s not the bloody Swedish Rob Roy,” she said with a soft smile, then looking towards a doctor that came walking towards her, she quickly got up. He addressed her by her name, “Miss Griffiths?” she nodded eagerly “your mother’s condition has gotten worse; we’ll be able to give her some treatment that might be able to push it down, it’s experimental, but we have seen good results so far” she nodded licking her lips “Well then give it ter ‘er,” she said feeling pain pressing down on her lungs making it hard to breathe “I don’t know if it’s that simple, it’s rather expensive, and when we tried to run your medical insurance it tells us that it hasn’t been paid so we need the money before we can ministate it” Penelope opened her mouth and then for a moment she had no idea what to say “kay, okay I’ll get the money and then you’ll be able ter give it ter 'er?” the doctor nodded “the sooner, the better” Penelope nodded again; she took out her almost ancient looking phone as she had sold her modern smartphone to get cash.
It didn’t take long before she got someone on the phone that she clearly got in discussion with as her tone of voice became longer, being ushed outside by the nurse.

It was a feeling so overwhelming of not being able to do anything that made her scream. She kicked the bench and then screamed in pain before she sat down and started sobbing. She had no money; they had all been spent on medication this month, just like every month. How the hell would she make this work if she never had enough to pay for her mother getting what would make her well enough again? Tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed. Permitting herself just to fall apart before calling the next person to see if she could get the money from them.

Felix’s jaw tensed as she didn’t seem too energetic like she usually did. Usually, funny to expect something from two simple meetings. Felix saw how she got up and his eyes looked from her to the doctor who asked for her. Worse condition, experimental treatments, but so far so good. It sounded risky, but of course, he knew nothing about what kind of condition her mother carried. He could almost taste how the tension in the hall. Money and insurance. Oh, he already knew where this was going. She wouldn’t be able to afford it. And even if he didn’t hear it at first, it was very clear to him when she talked on the phone. He crossed his arms and looked at how she was told to go outside.

He looked back at the doctor, “How much is it?” at first, he was told that it wasn’t information for the doctor to share, but Felix insisted and explained that he possibly could pay for it. He was handed the bill and looked at it thoroughly. Reading everything on it before he decided. He pulled his wallet up from the pocket in the white pants and put his card on the bill and handed it to the doctor. “Anonymously,” he said and gave the doctor a confident nod before the doctor took the bill and walked away.

Felix walked out and noticed how Penelope was calling yet another one. He could see how distressed she was but knowing that she hadn’t liked how he wanted to help her last time they had met, he pulled away so she wouldn’t be able to see him. Moments later the same doctor came to him and handed him back the card, telling him he was a true savior. He couldn’t even smile at the compliment, but simply took his card and walked back to Johan. He didn’t want to be present when the doctor announced that there had been an anonymous payer.

“No”, she shouted into her phone as her last lifeline said they couldn’t help. “Jonathan stop thumb-suckin’ ‘round ya owe me the bleedin’ money, ya promised ya would ‘ave it present and past monf and na it’s long overdue, I need it na!” she screamed into the phone “Jonathan?! Jonathan!?” he had hung up, fucking bastard! If it hadn’t been for the reason that she needed the phone, she would have smashed it to the ground. She sat down on the bench and started wailing, not knowing what else she could do. A miracle, perhaps? But even then, she never trusted miracles. She leaned in herself and what she was capable of, and right now, she was failing the only person that truly mattered to her. That woman that had done everything in her power to give her a promising future. If there was a merciful God out there, why did he take the strong and good?

After a few minutes, she finally managed to get up from the bench and walked inside, telling the doctor she would take her mother home. It was there that they said to her that they had already started the treatment, and everything was paid in full. Something about a donor that had been willing to use their portion of the money to give to Penelope and her mother.
It had been easy at first, accepting because it meant that she would get to go home, that her mother hopefully would feel better this time.

It had taken five days until she had figured out who the donor was. Felix.
At first, she argued she should just let it go, maybe send him a thank you note or something. But the proud woman in her had gotten mad in the end that he thought he could just pay and then run off like that? Maybe it was just a bad excuse when it came down to it. Or, if you really needed to boil it down to something, she was just mad and needed someone to take it out on, and he was the easiest target. So, there she was, back at his boat, pacing back and forth before she called his name, not really caring about what the hell his friend thought about it.

The best thing about having moved fled from the family might be how he could sleep however long he wanted and whenever he wanted but having fallen asleep over the table wasn’t the greatest place to sleep, and even though it was closer to the open door, he didn’t hear Penelope. At when she called again, he received hit with Johan’s crutch on the back, which immediately made him wake up, accidentally pushing the new vase down, smashing it on the floor. He groaned and was about to make sure to clean it up when Johan told him to look for his blonde girlfriend outside. With tired and furrowed brows, he walked outside to see her standing by the edge, “Hey Penny… You can just call me?” he said with a hand casting a shade over his eyes. “Okay, give me a moment,” he sighed, seeing that she definitely didn’t look happy. If she had the clamps again, he probably had to tell her that he couldn’t be the one to give it to her anymore. With quick and trained movements, he got onto the harbor and walked over to her, “What’s up?” he said and put his hands in his back pockets.

She gritted her teeth when he finally showed his face. Of course, she could just call him; he had, after all, given her his number. But she wasn’t sure where she had put it and if she hadn’t just thrown it out because she knew she wouldn’t be seeing him again. And here she was again; how many times more than the first night was it? Three? God, he had to think she would have a crush on him by now, which just pissed her off more. “Wot did I tell ya abaht the money?” she said in a low voice and looked at him. “Fine ya fin’ everythin’ is solved wif cash, but anonymously, really?” she tried her best not to let her accent cloud what she was trying to say too much, even though it became increasingly more challenging when she was angry. “’a much was it; I’ll pay ya back”, she asked, not wanting to owe him anything; the last she needed was him coming and banging on the door demanding her to pay him back when his money would run-up, which it surely would with how he threw it around as if it was nothing.

”I’m sorry,” he said softly as she scolded him about the money. He looked away as she spoke about how he believed everything was solved with cash and told him that anonymously was an odd step. Certainly. In her eyes, it might be right now. He looked back at her, honestly not wanting to pick a fight with her about how he had paid for her mother’s hospital treatment without Penelope’s consent. “A date and a kiss on the cheek,” he told her, clearly not wanting anything from her that came close to what he had paid. “You don’t owe me anything, Penny. I knew you wouldn’t approve of my help, so I hoped that by paying anonymously that you wouldn’t come at me. Can’t you just accept that I want to help?” he wondered pulling an almost sad smile.

Her eyes narrowed as he told her that all it took was a date and a kiss on the cheek. As he then continued to tell her that she didn’t owe him anything, he had done as he did because he knew she wouldn’t have approved of his help. “I’m runnin’ from the bloomin god blimey British mafia ya idiot” she yelled at him and took a step closer as she poked him in the chest. “Wot do ya fin’ ‘appens ter people that gets ter close and ‘ave money,” she asked, stepping closer, hissing at this point because she didn’t want him to get too close and keep flashing his money around like that; it would end up getting him in much deeper trouble than he might think. It might even make him end up being killed. She let out a sigh and shook her head a little at him. “If ya daan’t want the money, then please listen ter me, and get away from ‘here before me troubles becomes yours”, she added in a must softer voice as she let her arms fold around her. “Shanks for your ‘elp, ya saved ‘er life”, she added with a much weaker voice, not really wanting to admit it, but if he hadn’t paid, she might not have her mother by her side anymore.

His eyes widened as she told him that she was running away from the British mafia. He swallowed a small lump as she asked him what he believed happened to people who got too close and had money. He bit his lip a little keeping his eyes on her as she stepped quite close to him and hissed at him. He understood that she was taking precautions to make sure people didn’t get hurt but was there a reason to hurt people in the process?
A small smile started to play on his lips as she spoke about getting away from there. He let her speak out, completely and a short laugh left him as she thanked him. “I’m glad she’s alive,” he told her with a soft voice before he patted her shoulder, “But I’m not leaving,” he said with a wider smile, “Come,” he said and nodded towards his boat, “No Molly this time,” he said. If she was so afraid of the mafia, there would be a chance that they could talk about it in the boat without feeling like they were being watched, and who knew, maybe Johan could help with some fine hacking?

Penelope made a short, stiff nod when he told her that he was happy that she was alive. The doctors had warned her it might be time to face that it wouldn’t be forever, and they weren’t sure if this treatment would even have the effect that was wished for.
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head with a smile forming on her lips. “Fine”, she mumbled, having to bite her tongue for not using slang the poor guy wouldn’t understand. She lifted her hands as he pointed out that there wouldn’t be any molly this time. “Daan’t ‘ave any drugs on me”, she mused and then followed onto the boat, letting her eyes scan the poor friend sitting there with his foot in a cast. “Hi, Names Penelope”, she said with a soft smile, reaching out her hand so he could take it; well, if he were the type to greet people like that, who knew.

Felix chuckled a little as she said she didn’t have any drugs on her. Well, she didn’t need to, he had bought a bunch from her, hadn’t he? It didn’t matter anyway.
Felix’s friend hat sat himself down inside and was greeted. “Ah, explains the nickname,” he said and raised his hand to give her a good firm handshake, “Johan,” he presented himself and let go of her.
“Hon är här för mig. Lägg bort charmen.” Felix spoke with a lower tone, but there might be a hint of something negative.
“Håll käften. Jag presenterar mig bara,” Johan tried to defend himself. Felix gave him a slight smile and a nod. “He talks about you all the time,” Johan said looking at Penelope, only to receive a hit on the shoulder.
“Håll käft. Jag försöker göra saker upp till henne!” he said with a slight laugh.
“See! He gets all flustered when I talk about it,” Johan teased, laughing. It made Felix fold his lips and give his friend a little push, both boys ending up laughing a little.

Penelope felt how her brow raised as Johan told her that Felix talked about her all the time. She couldn’t help but laugh “’e does, does ‘e?” she hummed looking over her shoulder and eyed Felix that clearly didn’t like that his friend was outing him. “Daan’t understand why, I daan’t fin’ ‘e would remember much of the bloody night ‘e met me, and I’m definitely more trouble than its worf” she chuckled looking at how the two of them interacted with each other, it was clear that they were great friends, if not best friends.
“So, wot ‘re ya doin’ ‘ere so far from home?” she asked them and walked over and sat down beside Johan, not really thinking about how it might look, her fingers following the oars of the oak table. It wasn’t really because she understood why she was even here, and she had to get home in good time so she could help her mother get a bath before going to work.

Johan chuckled a little as there was spoken about how they had met and that she was simply trouble. “No trouble is too big for us, miss,” he told her with a smile. At least, they had managed a whole lot, and nothing was going to stop them right now. Johan had recently been trying to hack into different companies, to make the money seem endless.
What were they doing here? “That’s a great question, Penelope. Let me explain, this boy here-”  Felix pushed the boy down, so he laid down in the couch instead of sitting in it, only to end up with Johan’s head on the lap of Penelope.
“Sorry about that,” Felix said, mostly to Penelope and then helped his friend to sit back upright. “My parents were constantly up my ass, and I wanted to live a little,” Felix replied and shrugged a little before he went to find the dustpan so he could remove the glass shards from the new vase he had knocked over when he had woken up. “And Johan always has my back,” he said looking up at his pal with a short appreciative smile.
“So long story short Felix wants to fry his brain instead of sitting behind a desk doing things he’s brilliant at,” Johan explained, wanting to be a part of the storytelling too. “And I can do everything from here,” he said and shrugged a little. Felix rolled his eyes a little before he threw the glass shards into the bin.

“Oh” Penelope laughed as she suddenly had Johan’s head in her lap she shrugged “Nah offence taken not the bloody worst a geeza ‘as done ter me” she shrugged giving them both a smile, not really hearing how it might sound, but being a bartender and have strawberry blond hair with beautiful big blue eyes, well it was almost always a recipe for trouble, at least it wasn’t tolerated at the Elysium, or if it happened it was quickly shot down either by Kailani or Bast.
“Wite” she said giving them both a nod “must be nice ter just be able ter travel and get away” she added, not that she wanted to go anywhere, she had only travelled from east London to here because of the fact that she hoped that someone here could help cure her mother and so far it had only made her poorer and further into debt, but someday it would happen.

“You can just join us?” Johan offered.
“No she can’t,” Felix interrupted. As soon as he had said it, it was weighing down on him. “I would love for you to join us-”
“Oh, soft spot?” Johan said almost whispered, putting a hand in front of his mouth with his index finger and thumb pointing towards his lips.
“Håll käft, Johan” Felix hissed before he looked towards Penelope again. “If you want to join us, we can try and solve that money problem of yours?” Felix offered, even though he knew how much she didn’t want him to wave around with his money, but technically they weren’t really his money. “We can also make sure your mum will get good care?” he continued to offer.

Penelope wasn’t usually a girl that got overwhelmed, she was working two jobs, and one of them had quite a rowdy crowd, especially when the girls started getting their routine up and running. But right now, she actually felt somewhat speechless with everything that was going on between Johan and Felix and the constant switch between English and Swedish.
“I–“ she opened her mouth and uttered one word before she sealed her lips again; for a moment, she just sat there, letting her blue eyes look at both of them before giving them a small smile. “Ya seem ter have a nice thing going, and it’s a really nice offer, but last time I decided ter cut corner I ended up getting into more trouble, so I’ll just do wot I do best, and that is work and make sure there is enough for me mother’s treatment” she decided to say giving them a small smile, she had worked her entire life, also to make sure she could get through her school, but now it wasn’t her that was most important but her mother, and she would already resent knowing that she had borrowed money from the mafia, what wouldn’t she think if she also had taken other people’s money? She didn’t want to lose herself in the process, maybe if she got desperate enough, but she wasn’t there yet. “I also need ter be able ter look into me mother’s eyes when she gets well again.”

Felix looked at her as Penelope explained how she had to focus on working and didn’t want to cut corners. He understood that she didn’t want to get into more danger than she already was in, but could it be that bad? They would simply manage to transfer the money to those who she owed to, and problem one would be solved! Problem two was that her mother needed treatment and one never really knew how much that could run up to. When she finished her sentence, speaking about her mother there was something that hit Felix. When not if. Penelope was certain that her mother would get better at some point. “It’s alright,” he said giving her a short nod folding his lips into a fine line. “We’re here if you need it,” he continued to offer. He slowly turned away to go to the fridge. “Want something to drink?” he wondered.
“A soda, please!” Johan called and one could almost see how Felix stayed at the fridge a little tired of Johan’s commands, especially now that it was Penelope he had asked, but of course, he had to help his mate now that he couldn’t walk around that much.

Penelope gave a short nod and gave him a soft smile as he told her that they would be there if she needed it. When he asked if she wanted something to drink, she opened her mouth, but his friend Johan had already answered for himself before words could leave her. A chuckle escaped her, and she let her tongue glide over her lips. “Just a glass of water, please,” she said, then looked around in the room she was sitting in; it wasn’t because she had been able to see much last she had been there. Everything had gone so fast last she had been here that she hadn’t really noticed much. “Would ya maybe sha me ‘round?” she asked, looking toward Felix, giving him an out since it was clear that his friend had made it his mission to put him in awkward positions.

“On it,” Felix replied and grabbed the soda and then fetched a glass of water for both of them. He walked back to them with what they needed and handed Penelope her water and then Johan his soda, only followed by taking a sip of his own glass. “Yeah, certainly!” he said, with slightly raised eyebrows. Their first meeting had after all been a little… Hectic. “I eh,” he put his glass down, “I think most of it-” he stopped himself before he walked a little more into the middle of the room and spread his arms out, “This is the living room and the fine kitchen is right nearby,” he said and pointed towards the kitchen. He then looked towards her with a little smile before he walked towards her.
“Here we go again,” Johan sighed of the romantic eyes he believed he could see in Felix.
He took her hand and pulled her up from her seat. He was so well-known in his boat that he was backing his way around so he could see her while he toured. “The bathroom is right there, with a fine small shower,” he said, pulling the slider door open so she could see the small bathroom. One day, he was certain that he was going to upgrade his little boat, but right now, when it was just the two boys it was enough. She didn’t get to look for long before he gently dragged her towards the next sliding door where they entered his bedroom. “My room,” he said with a little shrug, but didn’t stop for her to watch it, he believed that she could see it another time for more details if she wanted to. He backed all the way towards the last sliding door on this small travel, and they got outside. “My small balcony,” he said and let go of her so she could take in the view, even though right now it wasn’t that impressive since they weren’t sailing. They were settled at a harbor. He then opened a box. “We store all kinds of thing in this box related to swimming and all that,” he fiddled a little around in the box, “There’s also stools, if you wanna sunbathe,” he caught himself in his words and slowly shut the door. “Final room on this floor,” he said, trying to safe himself from the awful mention of if she wanted to sunbathe, almost as if he was touring her to move in. He opened a final room that was, very small and quite messy, “Storage room,” he said clenching his jaw a little as he realized how messy it was. “Foods, fishing gear…” he slowly closed the door, “What do you think of the first floor?” he wondered  and pulled a soft smile, looking at her.

She managed to turn and look at Johan just to hear; here we go again. But before she could ask what that meant, she was pulled along by a very eager Felix. She couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle as she looked into the bathroom, and as he described, it was small but fine. At least when you considered that this was a houseboat, so that they even had a working shower was a luxury, wasn’t it? She was suddenly unsure, and before she could ask, she was pulled along again. A soft breath left her as she stood out on the deck and saw the gentle waves press against the ship's hull. Once again, he managed to pull her away before she could say much and then showed her a rather messy room, storage room, well, then it didn’t have to be neatly packed now, did it?
“It’s grand”, she said with a small smile, letting out a soft sigh. “Look, if ya want me ter be part of your life, maybe ya should kna that wot ‘appened last time, aint summit I do, at aw, aw wite? So yeah, besides, I tend ter freak people aahht when I start lettin’ me guard daahhn, «” she tried to explain, giving him a small smile.

«If you want me to be part of your life, maybe you should know that what happened last time aint something that I do at all, all right?  So yeah, besides, I tend to freak people out when I start letting my guard down.

He pulled a wide smile as she complimented the first floor. It was a quick tour, and he was more than ready to hear any of her questions. But what came out of her mouth was no question. He furrowed his brows, not because he didn’t understand her, but of what she actually said. “You freak people out?” he wondered. “I don’t do tha-” no, that was a lie, and he quickly packed it away, because that was something he did whenever there was jackpot, but usually he wasn’t under the influence of Molly like he had been the last time. “I would really like to get to know you,” he rephrased, “Because even though I don’t always understand what you’re saying when you speak a little too fast, it doesn’t scare me away or make me want to know you less,” he said and pulled an interested smile, “I would really like to be a part of your life, even though it might be a little a little bumpy,” he assured her.

Her lips twisted knowingly, almost to tell him that he had stepped into a territory he might regret. “Aw wite,” she said and then turned and walked back to where his friend Johan was sitting. She gave him a sweet smile and then looked over her shoulder to see if Felix was with her, then she turned her gaze to the unknowing friend. “Would it be okay for me ter touch your leg?” she asked, then let her fingers touch the cast. “Seems like a lovely woman that put the bloomin’ cast on that day”, she said as if she had been there herself. “Fell overboard, did ya?” then, she turned to Felix if that wasn’t enough. “Ya miss your sister, daan’t ya? Must be ‘ard travellin’ aw the bloody way from Sweden ter ‘her, must be ‘ard when all ya wanted to do was ter make your father proud, but instead, ya never did aahht that was good enough, huh Robin Hood” she licked her lips and looked at him waiting for him to get mad or at least freak out, just like most other people did. She hated it, and sometimes she wondered if she should be wearing gloves or something like that, but well, sometimes it was also a very neat party trick to have, and it wasn’t always that it worked. But with all the times that she had spent with Felix, it had been evident to her who he was and what he was trying to run from.

Suddenly Penelope turned away and walked all the way back. It made Felix quickly skip a couple of steps to follow her with his brows slightly furrowed, he was just about to ask what was going on when she turned towards Johan.
Johan looked up as she asked if she could touch his leg, “Yea?” he replied feeling a little confused about the question. Both men looked at her as she spoke about the woman who had put the cast on. Even more so when she suddenly knew the story about how he had ended in the water. She then turned to Felix, and he widened his eyes a little. Then she spoke quite the bit about how most of his life had been recently. It made his stomach turn a little. He knew very well that she hadn’t spoken to Johan before, so how had she known? “Okay… Don’t get me wrong,” he said and raised a flat hand, already trying to stop her a little. “It’s kinda freaky that you know all of that – but how do you do?” he wondered and furrowed his brows a little. He would have told her about everything himself. He had thought about a whole scenario. Candle lit bedroom and how they laid on the side looking into each other’s eyes speaking about how he felt about everything. That idea just sank to the bottom of everything.

She walked over and sat down by the couch and looked at him when it was clear he reacted like most people did, freaked out even if he was better than showing it than most.
“I just kna”, she shrugged, not really knowing how else to explain it. “Its loike everyone leaves an imprint, either in themselves or on surfaces, I just understand 'a ter read it, daan't kna 'a else ter explain it«” she tried to see if she could make them understand “just Loike I kna that there was a group of over people when it ‘appened” she took the glass of water and took a sip of it. “And the fact that I kna ya ‘ave feelings for me, and that is why I’ve stayed crystal of ya, nah offence but the bloomin’ last and only boyfriend I ‘ad turned aahhht ter be a wite dickhead” she said with scuff letting her tongue glide over her lips. No, she didn’t have time to run around having love interests; she didn’t even have time enough to have friends; she was lucky that she had the girls from the casino.

«It's like everyone leaves an imprint, either in themselves or on surfaces; I just understand how to read it, don't know how else to explain it