A perspective, not the truth

Rafael had always had a habit of waking up early. It didn’t matter so much what he did, so long as he wasn’t procrastinating or making excuses that hindered him from accomplishing his goals. It was simply an inner motivation to get things done and a desire to feel useful. But lately, the days had become shorter and the nights longer. His focus easily shifted, his worries quickly surfaced and his motivation often diminished. A few dozen rejected or ignored job applications didn’t help much in that regard. Although he didn’t lack work experience, he did lack an education. On paper, he didn’t even have the most basic requirement of one, though he had studied vigorously from a young age to one day eventually break out of the life he'd been forced into. He had been in and out of school occasionally but hadn’t passed many exams. Unfortunately, taking a job in the fields he had experience in barely covered his expenses, and he was getting tired of his pack members needing to fill in on that, wanting to be able to provide for everything on his own. So, that morning, he had done his daily routine; hunting, working out, taking a shower, and cooking breakfast, but not with any plans to go anywhere afterward or continue with any of his projects. He sometimes went to the local mechanic or lumber mill to help out with a few tasks for some cash, simply because he didn’t like to keep taking money out of his savings. Even if there was a large sum in it now, that would eventually slip up.

He had just left the dining table to place his plate in the sink when he heard a voice, and the plate dropped, clanking against the stainless steel. He instantly recognized the owner, but it took him by surprise, nonetheless—even if this occurrence used to happen quite often. He turned around and retracted his claws. An automatic reaction when there was the tiniest possibility of an intruder. He sent him a faint smile and returned the hug. It was nice seeing him, his company much preferred over the application writing he otherwise had to look forward to. “Yeah, it was a shame you couldn’t come the other night.” Because it had indeed been a while, and things hadn’t been what they used to be for even longer. Now it had gotten to a point where he honestly was a bit unsure of where he had him, knowing that he had seen Victoria more than him and possibly taking her side of things. “So, what have you been up to?” he asked as he went to pour them both a cup of coffee. He handed him one of the mugs before he leaned against the counter and anticipated his reply.

“I’m glad to hear that.” It wasn’t information that mattered much to him. Scarlett wasn’t someone he really considered close to or knew much about aside from what Jack had told him. But since it affected Jack and what was happening in his life, he did have an interest in knowing about it. And he was honestly relieved to hear that he hadn’t come here to tell him of any trouble, which he admittedly had suspected at first. He took a large sip of the coffee when Jack spoke again and shut down his moment of relief. He didn’t much like the way he said it—that he didn’t know how to tell him, and that it shouldn’t even be for him to do so. He placed the mug on the counter as the silence grew longer. In some way, he no longer cared about Victoria’s life. Not with the way she’d decided of keeping him out of it. Not with the way she’d treated him at the end of their relationship. But he also couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat at the mention of her, nor the curiosity from overtaking, knowing that something had happened, he couldn’t pretend he didn’t care to know at all. “What about her?” he asked, slightly wary of where this conversation was going. He could only take so many guesses as to what had happened from the knowledge he had, and the people he knew she hung around. All of which pointed toward something bad. After all, if it was something good, then it shouldn’t prove difficult for Jack to tell him.

Another sip of coffee ran down his throat, warm and earthy, giving him a little comfort before Jack spoke and told him something that would tremble the ground beneath him. He could detect it from a mile away—that he wasn't here to tell him anything good, and his grip tightened around the mug as he revealed the first hint. He nodded casually to his statement. Yes, he remembered. Selene had been very forthright about that part of her. And before he could ask what that had to do with Victoria, he revealed that they were sisters and carried the same ability. His chest hollowed at the thought, the anticipation, that it had to mean… Then it tightened. Because if they knew that, that meant… It meant she’d died and that they’d found her spawning location. It meant that nobody had told him about her death as soon as it happened. The tightness spread to his stomach, and he placed the cup down on the counter, not wanting to spill it because of all the feelings that rushed through him.

“And you’re first telling me this now?” His eyes shifted between Jack’s, his irises flickering from red to dark brown. His claws dug into his closed fits at the mention of Anthony. It was the strangest mix of emotions—on the one hand being revealed that Victoria had survived, and on the other feeling sadness and unfairness at the way he wasn’t even informed. As if he meant nothing to them anymore—to her. His anger was directed a little towards that, but mostly towards Anthony. If it hadn’t been for the next piece of information, he’d been prepared to murder him right then and there. He flexed his hand to retract the claws, but to no avail. Instead, he turned to look away from Jack to take a few steps toward the windows. Looking out at the forest usually tended to calm him.

“I can’t believe it,” he whispered, feeling like all of it was a lot to take in. He knew that her being okay should be all that mattered, and he did appreciate Jack telling him of it—even if it was all too late and all too much. Even if others should have been there to tell him of it before. The fact that he even knew, should have made him tell him of it earlier. “Linus and Francis, huh?” The spite wasn’t easy to take out of that sentence. How he despised her preferring their company over theirs. “So, that’s how little she thinks of me now?” He turned around to face Jack, his eyes remaining dark brown and full of emotion. He then averted his gaze for a moment and took a sharp breath in, composing himself to the best of his ability. Because Jack wasn’t at fault. Not really. And he needed to find a way to contain his anger better. Not that he thought that ever was going to happen. Especially considering how he didn’t think he’d ever be able to find a Luna. But for the moment, he did manage to retract his claws and straighten his expression. “So, no one has taken over in Anthony’s stead?” Killing off the leader and right hand should be enough to disperse the group, but if he didn’t know any better, Linus or Francis could have wanted that power for themselves.

He had been too busy to reach out to him. He couldn't even have picked up the phone and given him a call or sent him a text. That was the explanation he went with? So much for their close-knitted friendship. Jack knew how important Victoria was to him—used to be to him. That he at the very least had wanted to know if she had been harmed. Or died, for Christ’s sake. He clenched his jaw, feeling his blood getting increasingly hot. The heat getting to him far too easily these days. But it hurt like hell to know that none of them cared enough to tell him about it. As if nothing they’d had together mattered anymore.
Jack responded in a way that told him he was getting along with the shapeshifters. It was spoken spiteful enough not to be coming from someone with a neutral opinion of them. So, he stayed quiet on the matter, not seeing the point in arguing about it. “They’re not?” He folded his arms across his chest. If she had just stayed out of Southside, that would certainly have decreased the chances of something like that happening. How could it not?

He had barely parted his lips to express his thoughts on the shifters' taking over when Jack silenced him once more. His nostrils flared because he had tried his hardest to do just that this whole month. To let it rest, to just get over it. He said it like it was the easiest thing to do when it most definitely wasn’t. He had given her space and had understood why she needed to do something for herself, but all his emotions and opinions came down to his concern for her. “Believe me, I’m trying my hardest to pretend I don’t care about her anymore. I am beating myself up over this hollow, aching hole in my chest.” He flattened his palm against his chest and let his other arm fall to his side. “I wish to God it would go away. But all these things you want me to keep to myself are only there because I care. Because I don’t know what I would do if I lost her. And I do realize I already have, this information has made that perfectly clear.” He didn’t understand how he could be so indifferent to her choosing to live criminally when she had found her way out of that. For Rafael, it had always been something he’d done to survive. And he knew that he wasn’t a saint by any means. That he easily got into fights and that he had more blood on his hands than most. But the difference was that he wanted to get out of that. Wishing his life wouldn’t keep revolving around it. Naturally, his way of life was a dangerous one. And she’d never truly been completely safe with him either. But if anything, he’d much preferred it if she’d moved on to something better. “If you don’t have a bad feeling about the path she’s chosen, I guess that should count for something. But just understand that I feel differently because I don’t want to see her get hurt, not because I’m trying to dictate anyone’s life. Hell, I am the last person with the right to judge anyone.” They had it all wrong if that was what they thought of him. He sighed deeply and averted his gaze from the thunderbird. What a mess all of this was. He slumped against the counter, wishing they could go back to a time when nothing ever had managed to come between them.

The heartache wasn’t doing him any favors. Nor did caring for someone who didn’t want it. So, he had no other choice but to move on. It didn’t mean that he didn’t reflect on their relationship or the reasons it ended, but wouldn’t anyone want those painful reminders to diminish?
He shook his head incredulously when Jack commented on their relationship. Had it really appeared that bad to others or was it some exaggerated truth that Victoria had given him after their breakup? Whatever the reason, he didn’t want to dwell on it. Didn’t really understand why he brought it up, to begin with. Rafael knew that they hadn’t been the best partners for each other, but he had always wanted to overcome that because when all was said and done, she was the one he loved. “I haven’t. It’s been a month and it still hurts every time I think about her,” he admitted. It didn’t take away from the fact that he wished he was able to move fast. That he for once hadn’t let himself fall so deeply for someone. It didn't mean that his thoughts didn’t shift towards her every so often. It didn’t mean he didn’t suppress his emotions, knowing that nobody cared about them anyway.

Give it time. For a moment he just looked at Jack, wondering what he meant by that. If it meant that he didn’t think Victoria’s goodbye to Rafael had been her last. Nor did he understand what he’d hoped to gain by telling him there was more information out there—as if he ever was going to be told of it by anyone other than Jack. “I can’t tell if you’re advising me to seek her out, or if you’re telling me to leave her alone. But I can almost guarantee you that all the first option is going to lead to is her telling me to go. Because as a friend I will express my worry and she’ll have none of it.” He shrugged his shoulders and extended a hand to grab his mug again, downing another sip. And if it wasn’t her telling him to leave, it was her new friends. No. He didn’t want any part in that. Staying away seemed the most sensible. Not to mention, if Victoria still cared so much about him, she’d come to tell him of these things herself. At least, he’d thought they’d been close enough to tell each other everything once.
“Whatever happened to her, it doesn’t seem that she wants me to know. But I appreciate you telling me anyway.” He lowered the cup in his hand as he turned his gaze ahead of him. “Letting me know she’s safe.” That was how he chose to interpret it. Despite the array of emotions going through him, he did find some peace thinking about that. Focusing on that. He couldn’t go so far as to think that meant that the danger was over. But knowing that Anthony was dead certainly helped.

He leaned slightly away from the counter, continuing to stare straight ahead when he nodded to his statement. He knew she was going through a lot, that there had to be something more to the way she treated him. Or that was at least what he wanted to believe. Because the Victoria he knew and had fallen madly in love with wasn’t the same person he’d seen those last weeks of their relationship. But it could as well be that he first saw her for who she really was now, in which case, ending things between them had been the right thing. “Did she seem happier?” He turned his gaze to him. “Before all that.” In between the time where they’d broken up and until Anthony had gotten an aim at her. Rafael had not heard much from her, had not tried to get in contact with her since his one attempt to see her at the casino. But he’d at least feel better knowing that despite everything, she was happier there than she had been with him.

He tilted his head a little as he considered if Jack’s opinion of him had changed. He hoped that he wasn’t losing him too, but sometimes it had felt that way, and although he had come to him today, it didn’t feel as if he’d come to check on him. Rather, it had felt as if he’d come to be the bringer of news and show his support for Victoria’s decision. It was obvious that this breakup was different than their past breaks, and that more factors played a part in interfering with the bond the friend group had. For one, this kind of distancing was something new, something they’d never really had in the past. Even when they’d promised each other that nothing was going to stand between them.
“Are you feeling good about the Serpents’ new leadership?” he then asked, wondering what his opinion was of them since he hadn’t interacted much with the shapeshifters himself. And whatever impression he did have, it wasn’t anything good. But he trusted Jack’s word, especially regarding their influence on Southside because he had once been in their position. And he knew a lot of werewolves who hung out in Southside, so it was naturally in his interest to know that they were going to be safe there.

He’d known that terrible things had happened to them. That he’d never fully understand what they’d been through. But he had always been supportive, wanting more than anything to get back at Anthony for what he did to them. He nodded slightly as he was done explaining, getting the impression that she was doing well where she was, and that was all he needed to know. In a way, that made it easier for him to move on. For all this time a small part of him had been worried that she’d ended up in a worse situation or was struggling to find her new path. “I’m glad to hear that.” His lips tilted vaguely upwards as he imagined her behind the bar of that place, how it at least would keep her busy and distract her from the reality, those thoughts and memories that had to be haunting her. “What about you? How are you holding up with everything?”
Regardless of what he personally thought of them, it was important to him that they seemed ambitious in their leadership of the gang. That the people he knew would be safe wandering their streets. For that reason, he didn’t want to get on their bad side. But he feared that he might already be on it because of Victoria. “Mh,” he added to the comment about the Coyotes, thinking they’d inevitably try to challenge them and take over some territories. That was just how that world worked. He downed the last of his coffee and placed the cup on the counter. “Want another one?” he asked, glancing hintingly at Jack’s empty cup.