Make the pain go away - [cw]

Zadkiel was quite surprised to hear that Nathalie understood. He hadn’t expected her to take it that nicely. He looked up at her and saw how she moved her hand to his cheekbone, only to push away some of his hair. He pulled a smile, but only for a mere second, as she told him he didn’t need to justify his need for time. She got up and put on her clothing. She took her time. He rubbed his forehead a little, mostly trying to calm his mind and thoughts down, just for a little longer until Nathalie had left him. He looked up from rubbing his forehead as she mentioned checking up on him. “It’s not your responsibility to check up on me,” he said softly before he felt her kiss against his temple. She was more than welcome to come and greet him. And as she mentioned, as neighbors and a friend. “Thanks again,” he said sending her an appreciative smile. She handed him her phone, and for a second, he wondered what he was going to do with it, until she mentioned texting himself. He nodded to her, as she told him to text himself, and he did so. He was comforted a little as she mentioned none of it need to happen again. He finally sent himself a text, and his phone was heard beeping in the other end of the room. You’re worth it. He gave her a soft smile and thanked her again. He simply pulled a blanket over himself and followed her to the door.

As soon as she had left, he walked directly in to the bathroom and under the showerhead. As soon as he stood still, he could feel an overwhelming sadness. He hid his eyes in his palms and tried to calm himself down, but it didn’t really seem to help. In frustration of his sadness, he turned on the hot water, almost burning himself a little. As soon as he found the right temperature he leaned against the wall and slowly glided down. Sobbing, but with no tears leaving him. He felt ruined, dirty, and worthless, even though Nathalie had told him something different.
After an hour and a half, he managed to get himself out. He would then clean up the apartment, especially the living room where everything had been going on. It was a mess, but luckily, he hadn’t spilled any wine. Wine. It took a while, but he drank most of the wine and fell asleep on the sofa.