Take my pain away

[You know what, when and where @Karmena (;]


Amaryllis felt like she had been running forever, but she felt someone gaining in on her. She turned her head and in that instance she fell to the ground, Karmena grabbing her, and pinning her down. She struggled and her burning orange eyes looked at Karmena. Amaryllis felt like she wanted to loose herself to the beast, then she didn’t need to have these feelings beating in her chest. As she struggled more, Karmena grabbed her wrist’s, holding them above her head and she felt herself calm down a bit. Her friend spoke to her, and if it was possible, that made the hurt worse. She couldn’t blame the vampire for anything, she hadn’t broken her trust. It wasn’t her doing that with one in their friendgroup. Amaryllis had felt her whole world being torn apart, but the more Karmena sat on her, the more calm she became. Was it because of the cold skin, that seemed to cool her burning skin down? Was it the words coming out that sounded vulnerable? Amaryllis couldn’t answer for a while, just laying as her beast subsided somewhat, her eyes, fangs and claws still ready to fight if that was what was needed.

”You know I can’t hurt you,” Amaryllis said, it almost sounded like a growl, but the words were clear. Something in her wanted to push the vampire off of her, but another part longed for the feeling of someone close. Her being was shaking as Karmena let go of her wrists, and she looked away. The hurting face her friend had was like a mirror, and she let out a sigh. Her heartbeat was still racing away like a wild horse galloping away over an open field. She felt like she needed to cry, but her eyes were dry, feeling such an empty feeling. How could she fill that hole that Vanya and Lion had given her? The only part left of her friendgroup that she felt she could trust was sitting on her, being just as hurt as her. ”I’m a coward, you don’t need to tell me that, because I know,” she said almost as a mumble. She felt stupid, hurt and confused at the same time, but that empty feeling was hard to ignore.

”If anything you should hit me for acting like this,” she said feeling her chest raise as she breathed in and out. Amaryllis was used to being the one people yelled at, she was weird and full of impulse. She was childish and greedy, which was probably why she felt this way right now. Like a stupid child were someone had taken away their toy. Whatever romantic feeling she had felt towards Vanya was out the window as soon as she had seen that memory. Her heart broken, she just layed on the ground with Karmena on top.

This was painful, not only for Amaryllis but also for Karmena. When Amary said she couldnt hurt her, it seemed to just anger Karmena more, making her clench her fists that she held down her sides, as she just stared at Amary, not sure what to do or say. She had felt so invisible, watching Amary chase after Vanya, completely oblivious to how it was tearing Karmena apart little by little. She had made her peace with the fact that she could possibly never get Amary, she understood that. She was all caught up in her own feelings as much as she was caught up in the need to make Amaryllis happy again. And why was that? Why was she allowing herself to get hurt over and over again, just because she was madly in love with the girl she was sitting on?
Her gaze had strayed from hers, but as soon as Amary told her to hit her, her eyes filled with fury as she looked down at her, her whole body was shaking from anger. She just gave her a long stare, like she was considering it, but then she just rolled off her, clenching her teeth as the bones in her leg creaked from the new strain that had come to it. She rolled onto her back next to Amary and looked up at the sky, "Your heart broke, but mine has been torn and ravaged from watching you chase after her," she finally said after a long silence, her voice filled with pain.
She turned her eyes to Amary, feeling a couple of tears run down her cheeks, but she had to look away. She couldnt even look at her, not after this. She thought she could hold back her own emotions, pushing them deep down to never see the light of day, but this had ripped them up from root and forced them into the sun, and she couldnt do anything about it. "But this doesnt mean that you dont deserve love," - "You do. And you will find someone who will hold your trust and never break your heart," she then said, hoping it could shield herself from confrontation. She knew that she had vaguely implied her own feelings, and it was so wrong of her to do so. She turned her eyes to Amary.
"So just fucking hit me already. Make yourself feel just a little better, even if it means that you'll hurt me," she then said rather seriously as she got up and pulled Amary to her feet by the collar. She didnt let go of her collar, she looked her in the eyes and had this oddly expressionless look in her eyes, "Take your anger out on me, I can take it," she demanded, letting go of Amary as she started pushing her as a taunt. She wanted her to be angry, she wanted her to confront the emotions she was feeling in this moment, because she had been there. She could have taunted her further, calling her a coward for being afraid, but she wasnt going to. It wasnt about belittling Amary into hitting her. Maybe it was just easier for Karmena if Amary hurt her, easier for her to deal with the fact that it had once again been confirmed that she was unnoticeable.

Amaryllis closed her eyes, waiting for the hit that was going to hurt like hell. But. It never came. Instead the vampire rolled off of her, and she carefully opened her eyes. Now looking up at the night sky, everything seemed to calm her down now. Her eyes regressed back into green, her fangs dissappearing and her claws subtracted. Karmena’s voice broke the silence and Amaryllis couldn’t get herself to look at her friend. What did she mean by that? She kept staring up onto the night sky, recognizing the different constallations. They had done this a lot as kids, just looking up, Vanya being better at recognizing the different ones. Lion and Amaryllis had always made up their own, made fun of it all, but Karmena had always been quiet. Not a bad kind of quiet, almost like the one that always listened. Karmena got up and pulle Amaryllis with her by the collar, but whatever she said didn’t make sense. The pushing just made her step back. Had she really been so focused on Vanya that she hadn’t seen her friend hurting? Hadn’t felt the feelings that Amaryllis had known were there for Karmena? She bit her lip and shook her head.

”But what if I can’t take it?” she begged looking at her friend with pain in her eyes. She grabbed Karmena’s hand pulling to her heart. Her heart still beating fast but she didn’t care. The cold touch of Karmena’s hand made it feel like electricity going through her body, almost as if her soul got kickstarted. ”You’re going to have to force me,” she mumbled looking down at her hand holding the vampires to her chest. Why did this feel so good? Her mind was racing and so was her heart. She felt as if she was being torn apart, and maybe that could explain her sudden need for feeling Karmena close to her.

A confusion spread in her as Amary grabbed her hand to pull it to her heart. She felt the warmth and the beats against her hand and suddenly she felt all tingly. It was soothing her anger, but fuelling her sadness, why was she doing this to her? She exhaled shakingly as she just stared at her hand, before she clenched her fist, grabbing the fabric of Amary's shirt, "I tried so hard to shield myself, thinking that I could forget it," she mumbled, as she knew that she was talking in riddles. She looked up at Amary and shook her head, she couldnt let her emotions get to her, not now. She wasnt going to be a sloppy makeup for Amary to feel something, or that was what she was telling herself.
She let go of her shirt as she gave her another shove, this time more force than the first, "Hit me, Amary." she comanded rather coldly, but her voice was full of sorrow. She shoved her once more, and another time, till Amary was pushed up against a tree, Karmena towering over her, "I am tired of feeling this, I dont want to anymore. The fighting, the invisbility, your obliviousness to what you had right in front of you" she almost whispered, her voice wasnt following the words she wanted to say, making it almost a silent whisper.
She grabbed the tree behind Amary as she leaned down and looked at her with a uncertain look in her eyes, "I just wanted you to be happy, thinking she could make you happier than...." - "I ever could," the last part was only a thought in her mind as she clenched her fist at the tree and yanked herself away from Amary, just being close to her was driving her mad. She looked back at her and bit down on her teeth for a bit, "I hate you, Amaryllis," she then suddenly said with a toneless voice, as she turned back to her. It was an obvious lie, a lie she hoped she could tell herself but it was to no avail. Her emotions were overwhelming, screaming louder than her senses, louder than reason. She moved forward, going back to towering over the short girl that she loved so dearly, "I hate you so much..." she whispered as she leaned down and kissed her so tenderly, as tears ran down her cheeks. If she had to be the sloppy makeup that Amary needed, then so be it. She could reconcile with her emotions later.

Karmena spoke and Amaryllis felt her heart sink into her stomach, because she felt every word her friend was saying to her. As she started to get pushed, she couldn’t do anything but just let her self be pushed. The vampire spoke and shoved her more and more until she felt the tree against her back. Her green eyes looking up at the towering woman, and she felt her heart skip a beat. Had Karmena always been this beautiful? She swallowed as her friend spoke, but she couldn’t take her eyes away from her. Not a word could escape her lips as her friend spoke again, this time reffering to Amaryllis’ happiness. She was confused, and a part of her broke as she heard the toneless voice. Amaryllis closed her eyes. Of course she was hated. She was the odd one out in their group. She was weak, unlike her friends.Her eyes snapped open as Karmena was quickly back, towering over her and she let out a slight gasp. That’s when she felt the cold lips against her warm, and the world seemed to dissappear right then and there. Amaryllis was chocked, but she leaned into the kiss, kissing Karmena back. The vampire’s scent was intoxicating, and she had never thought anything could feel this good. She pulled away looking up at Karmena, her hand reaching for her friend’s face.

”Couldn’t you have asked me out for dinner first?” she mumbled, looking at her hand on Karmena’s cheek and then back at her eyes, before removing her hand. She looked down herself, feeling the emptiness creep into her head. Amaryllis placed her forehead against Karmena’s chest and sighed. ”Is it weird that I felt like fireworks were going through my body?” she whispered, not even sure if she was making sense at this point. Her body felt drained, and she needed rest. Besides, these feelings that Karmena had made her body feel were confusing. Not that she minded it, but on top of everything it just was like a cloud in her mind. The words that Karmena had said, they had felt so real, but that kiss was real as well. Amaryllis felt stupid, because all along her friend had been hurting, and she had done nothing. But it was as if that kiss had woken up a feeling she had felt so long ago. The feeling of being safe around Karmena, seeing those faint smiles she could send her. She wanted to kiss her again, show her that she cared too, but wouldn’t it just seem like some sort of weird rebound?

”I guess, truth be told, I always have loved you – maybe I was just blinded by infatuation towards Vanya?” she mumled, trying to make sense of it all. She didn’t know what was real anymore.

It was like a free fall of the heart for Karmena. Never had she thought that she would go this far, but as her emotions took over, all she could do was hope that Amary would catch her before she hit the ground. It was odd, being close to Amary zoned out all the negative feelings that seemed to have infested in her, and replaced them with something comfortable, something she started to crave.
She didnt expect Amaryllis to kiss her back, she really didnt. So when she felt the pressure from her lips against hers, she quivered, because none of it made sense to her. Was she really just a distraction from what had happened, or was this something real? Karmena wasnt so sure. But did it matter in this moment? Maybe it should, maybe she should have taken herself into consideration, or the selfishness she had brought upon Amaryllis because she faltered and gave into her emotions. Yet the slight hope that this could be something real, it sparked her with a feeling she hadnt felt all her life. In the moment they shared their kiss, she finally felt that she could be loved.
She looked down at Amary as she mumbled, a scoff left Karmena's lips, some part of her was happy to see that even in a time like this, Amary was still the same old, who would throw jokes at the worst time possible. She loved her for it, as she always had. Her gazed moved away from Amary as she explained the kiss, as much as Karmena wanted to answer, she was still mesmerized by the kiss that she probably never should have stolen. She looked down at Amary as she explained her feelings, which caught Karmena off guard. She gently put a finger over Amaryllis' lips as she shook her head, "You dont have to explain. It was my fault, I held back because I was scared. I thought that you could never feel the same way for me that you could for her. Which is true. Some part of me hoped that we could build something stronger," she then said rather calmly as she switched her look between Amary's beautiful green eyes.
How could this short girl make her heart tremble with such force? A heart that was supposed to be dead, suddenly felt so alive, even though no beats ever came from it, it felt like it was galloping it's way through her chest, like a wild beast that wanted to get loose. She exhaled shakingly, she suddenly felt so scared. Her eyes never moved from Amary's, and she was sure she could drown in the beautiful green sea that were in her eyes. "I am still scared, because you have my heart. You always have," she admitted in a whisper as she felt a tear run down her cheek, not sure if it was a happy or sad one.

Amaryllis hardly knew what to say, because she was honestly not prepared for this. She couldn’t shake the feeling of having let down her friend, but at this moment the world to the ground, and she wouldn’t care one bit. As Karmena scoffed she pushed her softly, because what else could she do? The vampire made her safe in this moment, but she could still feel her heartbreak behind all of that. She had real emotions for Vanya, and in some way she probably still did, but right now Karmena had taken the place that Vanya had been filling for so long. She closed her eyes at the sensation of the cold finger running over her lips, and she shivered a bit. The words the vampire spoke were calm and Amaryllis found herself gazing into Karmena’ beautiful dark eyes. They always had that shine behind them at it made her smile. There was a new problem now, however. Now that Karmena and Amaryllis had shared a kiss, it was them keeping something from the other two.

”We could always give it a try, but I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to do things right,” she said This wasn’t going to be some petty ’them-against-us’ ordeal, and Amaryllis was far too loyal to keep this a secret from their friends. The feeling she had felt watching that memory was more painful than some of the things Ramsay had done to her. She reached her hands up and cupped her face, sending her a stupid smile. ”Don’t be scared, please – my mother always told me love couldn’t kill,” she said with a small laugh, wiping away the small tear. She leaned up, a little hesitant she stood up on her toes. Carefully she bit her lips before she pressed her lips against Karmena’s cold once more. Fireworks. Amazing fireworks filling her body as their lips touched. This feeling she could easily get addicted to, but she pulled away carefully and smiled. Her heart beating like a drum.

”But I have to be honest, I’m scared as well, so call me a hypocrite all you want,” she said.

She looked at Amary and nodded as she said that they could try. They could, and at least by doing it right. Karmena didnt want to hurt neither Lionell or Vanya, and especially not with this. She wanted to start things with Amary in a way that wouldnt be lies or deceit. She felt the warm hands cup her face and it sparked a joy in her. She may be unable to smile naturally, but her eyes were filled with joy. It felt surreal, like some sort of dream. Maybe it was. Dont be scared, please, she asked her, and she was going to comply, shaking the scared feeling off her, as their lips met once again.
Her lips were so soft, like the smoothest silk and the taste of heaven. Karmena was sure that she would never go to heaven, but this sure made her feel as if she had already walked through the gates. She deeped the kiss as she leaned further down, gently wrapping her arms around Amary's backside as she pulled her closer, she wanted more and she needed more. These kisses were merely satisfactory to her craving of Amary. She couldnt get enough. As Amary pulled away, their faces were merely centimeters away from one another, and her words made Karmena smirk - A geniune and happy smirk.
"I guess we have to keep eachother safe then," she almost growled yet so softly as she unwillingly let her go. She regained her composure as she looked at Amary with tender eyes. "We should keep it at this.. If we're going to do it right," she then said, it wasnt really a rejection as it was assurance that she wanted to do it right. She reached out for Amary's hand, grabbing it carefully before she bit back a smile - Why was she making her so damn happy? Karmena had never felt happiness as she did in this moment, and she prayed it'd never stop.

Amaryllis hardly know where to start with all of this, and as Karmena pulled her closer she could feel her heart race. Fuck. She kissed her deeper, letting go of the anger she had felt earlier. This was nice. No nice would be a disservice to the feeling of the cold lips against hers. This was amazing, out of this world amazing. ”Maybe we should not stand so close either,” she mumbled, not really wanting to get out of Karmena’s arms. Her breath was heavy as she looked into those dark eyes. She felt like she wanted to say something, but she couldn’t find any words. As Karmena let her go, she felt like she wanted to jump back into her embrace, but that wouldn’t help anything for anyone at this moment. Amaryllis entangled her fingers with the vampire, looking up at that beautiful face and seeing that smile.

”Keeping eathother safe has always been what we do right? You saved me from Ramsay afterall,” she mumbled looking down, not sure if she was truely ready to speak about everything. Amaryllis didn’t know how to handle her emotions in this moment, but the butterflies in her stomach told her this was a good thing. Maybe they should head back now? On a second thought, she wasn’t ready to face either Vanya og Lion at this moment. Maybe they could just sneak into the castle somehow? Amaryllis knew a lot of good places to move in and out of the castle of, she had basically grown up there. ”Do you want to head back?” she asked, not really sure what she would when Karmena answered.

The last thing she really wanted right now was to have a distance between Amary and her. She craved it just as much as the kisses, but they said they would do this right. She looked at Amary as she mumbled, tilting her head to see if she could catch her eyes, but she would have to lean all the way down to do so. She carefully gave her hand a squeeze as she looked at her, "Hey. It's alright," she assured her as she lifted her chin up with her free hand, "You went through something terrible, and now this is happening as well. Let's save the worry and torment for another time.. Now it's all about us," she said, a hint of a smirk forming in the corner of her mouth. She would be there when Amary felt the need to talk about it, but it didnt seem to be right now.
Karmena shook her head at her question. She really didnt want to go back right now, not when everything was a mess. If they met Lion and Vanya, it would be chaos. She instead looked up at the sky and noticed how the clouds were clearing up, "What if we watch the stars? Like we always do? Except now it's just us two?" she asked and turned her face down to Amary. She had always loved star gazing, especially with the group. Maybe it would be odd for just the two of them, but it felt like it was something that they could use right now - Just the two of them under the stars, watching them, talking. Karmena didnt really talk when they were stargazing with the group, so it could be interesting to see if there would be something different about this. She waited for Amary's reply.

Amaryllis felt her face getting pulled up by Karmena’s cold hand, but the cold didn’t really bother her. It was like there was some warming sensation to the cold skin she felt, but she couldn’t really describe it. Even though she said it was alright she shook her head a bit, but not enough to remove her face from Karmena’s grip. Her words made her smile, yet she felt something inside of her stirring. Maybe Amaryllis had just been so caught up in every thing, that now it felt weird to have a peaceful moment. She missed those simpler times where they would go out and do stupid stuff together. Well, Amaryllis mostly did the stupid stuff, but her friends were always by her side. ”Us?” she said in a low teasing tone. She like the sound of that term being used about whatever they felt right now. Maybe it was selfish, but she liked that it didn’t have to be the whole group when Karmena reffered to ’us’.

Watching the stars sounded like a great idea, and it had always calmed her down. She nodded. She sat down in the soft grass, pulling Karmena down with her. She didn’t want to let go of that hand. It was like the sensation of cold marble, but with a weird softness to it. Could marble be soft? Stupid thought, but that was what she could describe the sensation as. She layed her head back looking up at the sky. She recognized a few of them, but that was only because they had done this as a group so many times. She layed a bit in silence, once in a while looking over at her friend, or whatever she could describe her as. ”Karm, thank you again,” she said, just looking up at the blinking stars above. ”I honestly don’t think I could live in a world without you,” she said quietly, but she knew that a vampire had great senses.

As they sat in the grass, she noticed how Amary didnt want to let go of her hand. It made her stomach tingle just as much as the kiss had, knowing that Amary wanted her close enough to keep her hand in hers. It may have been a little silly thing to notice, but Karmena was good at looking for the smaller things to be happy about. She gently squeezed her hand and watched her look at the stars, before she turned her own head to watch them glow ever so beautifully in the sky. It didnt matter if she looked at the stars or Amary, both were comforting, though she prefered to look at Amary as she also gave her a warm feeling in her otherwise cold body.
She bit back a smirk as Amary thanked her, turning her head as her quiet words were picked up by her enhanced hearing. She felt her eyes water a little, but it was from happiness. She blinked it away and turned her eyes back to the stars, "And me you," she replied in almost a murmur, not knowing if Amary heard it or not. They sat there for a while in silence, but Karmena then lifted her free hand and pointed at some stars, "That one looks like a heart," she then said and looked at Amary, seeing if she could see it as well.
She exhaled deeply as she looked down and put her hand that was pointing at the stars to her face, "I really never thought this would happen... I..." - "We're doing this right, so I want to be true with you," she then said as she looked at Amary with a pained look. She squeezed her hand and turned her gaze up to the sky, maybe she did feel afraid after all. "I tried to push my feelings away and hope that I could stop loving you. I tried everything. It hurt so much to see you... go after her.." she swallowed and shook her head as her gaze fell on the ground at her feet. "But nothing worked.. No matter what I did, I still felt the same way, unable to shake the feeling off that there was hope somewhere. As soon as I'd come back from where ever I was, and looked into your beautiful green eyes, it was like nothing had changed," she sighed deeply and then turned her eyes to Amary. "I am just glad that it didnt work," her voice cracked and she quickly moved her face away from Amary's, feeling guilty for what she had done to forget about the love she held for her.

Amaryllis looked as Karmena pointed, and squinted her eyes to see what she was pointing at. ”A heart?” she asked, and couldn’t really see it. But maybe it was the angle that was the problem. She leaned closer to Karmena and tilted her head. ”Oh! I see it now!” she said maybe a little too excited, but she finally felt something in her ever since the whole thing with Ramsay. Maybe it was because the vampire beside her had saved her from what could have been, but she still had the nightmares. They weren’t getting any better, and she often woke up screaming and disoriented. As Karmena exhaled, Amaryllis turned her head with a confused look. Was she too loud? But she got the answer when her friend started speaking, and she sat up so that she could look at the vampire’s face a lot better. Amaryllis didn’t interrupt, and instead just listened. She would normally bust in, but something in her told that Karmena had to get this off of her chest. There the pain was again, and it felt like someone twisted a dagger inside her guts. Karmena hurting had always been hard, but this felt like it hurt a little bit more, however she knew it would past.

”Hey, hey, hey,” she said softly, letting go of Karmena’s hand and then taking her face in her hands. She wiped away the tear and looked into her eyes for a bit as she tried finding her words. Fuck it. She wasn’t at good at words like Vanya and Karmena had always been, so here went nothing. ”I don’t care, well I do, but I can’t blame you,” she said stumbling over her own words. She then let go of her face and placed her arms around the vampire, hugging her close as the vampire tried to look away. Amaryllis couldn’t blame Karmena for what she had done, and to be honest she would have done the same or something similar in her place. As she sat here, she could forgive everything, because that was what she needed to do. She knew she would have to forgive Lion and Vanya as well, but right now she wanted to spend time with the usually quiet member of their group of friends. She just hugged her close, and carefully placed a kiss against Karmena’s ear.

”Being honest, that’s how we work things out the best, right?” she said pulling her face away from the hug so she could gaze into Karmenas dark eyes. She stroked her cheek and smiled looking away from her gaze. It was weird, and she was still scared of touching others, like she could hurt them just by touching them. ”I have to be honest too, so … You are kind of my first kiss,” she said a bit embarrassed, hoping Karmena would laugh at her.

At first she thought that it was just something she had imagined, but as Amary leaned closer and finally saw it, there was a spark in Karmena's eyes. Usually with the group, no one else than Amary had ever seen the same shapes than Karmena, but it was because she picked the hardest ones to see. Something in her felt relieved to see Amary show excitement, it made her feel that Ramsay hadnt ripped her completely apart. There was still hope for a good life. Her eyes had a dreamy look to them as she moved her gaze to the heart shaped connection of stars that she had pointed out.
She was surprised to see Amaryllis at least try to comfort her with words. She put a hand over Amary's and looked down as she blinked away the wetness in her eyes. She then looked up into her green eyes again and exhaled deeply, "You might see some unpleasant things in the future that will make you doubt us. But let me assure you now that nothing can change how I feel for you, not now or ever," she then said in a rather vulnerable tone before she gently squeeze one of the hands that were on her face.
She agreed in a nod to Amaryllis statement on what worked out best and she meant it. As Amary admitted it to being her first kiss, Karmena's face filled up with surprise. But then a slight hint of a smile formed on her lips as she hugged her tighter, she craved the warmth, her warmth. She stroke her back in small gentle strokes as she moved away and made Amary face her, "You may not be my first kiss, but you are my first love," she then said as she smiled quite softly, something that she had never done before but it felt so natural in the moment. She wasnt sure that she liked the way Amary was showing her new sides of herself, but she was just going to have to accept it. She had to adjust to this, but she would, for Amary.
She really just wanted to steal more kisses, feel those soft warm lips again, but she couldnt. So she just gave her lips a small longing stare before she let her eyes drift away and back into the stars, holding her arm around Amary, keeping her close. "We'll take it slow then. Day by day," she then said, just to assure Amary that she truly wanted this, but she didnt want it bad enough to make Amary do things she didnt want to. She gently moved some hair from Amaryllis' face and behind her ear as she looked into her eyes, "You're not going to scare me away" she assured her and softly planted her lips on her forehead, before she returned to look into her eyes.

Amaryllis leaned her head against Karmena’s shoulder and just sat for a while looking at the heart shaped in the stars. It was nice and calm, but that didn’t mean fear wasn’t inside her, however the vampire by her side made her feel more normal. She might have been joking after everything she had been through, but it was clearly a coping mechanism. How else was she going to face her fears? She bit her lip and felt her heart beat faster just at the thought of her nightmares, but she shook her head trying to keep those thoughts at bay. She smiled when Karmena put her cold hand over hers because it gave a slight feeling of belonging. ”I don’t doubt that horrible things exist, so you don’t have to patronize me like that,” she said closing her eyes calmly. Actually she didn’t care how Karmena was talking to her, as long as the vampire spoke, she knew she weren’t in that white room. The cold from the night crept under her skin and she pulled her clothes a little tighter to her body. She wasn’t exactly wearing appropriate clothes for a night out, but she hadn’t really had time to think much about that. Her admittance to Karmena being her first kiss was big, atleast in her eyes, and she listened as the vampire spoke. Amaryllis could feel her cheeks turn pink at that sentence and she looked down. The sensation of Karmena’s body close to her, as well as her hands caressing her back made her feel happy for once in a long time.

”Slow and steady have never really been my style,” she said with a shrug and a teasing smile on her lips. Amaryllis was right though, she was always the first to jump into something new, and often times it had ended great, other times not so much. However she still felt her body feeling fear of someone touching her, so maybe giving herself some time to heal was the best option. ”But I think day by day might work best right now,” she said quietly. Karmena’s words made her smile and she closed her eyes when she felt the gentle kiss on her forehead. Her green eyes found Karmena’s dark and she sighed contently. Even if Karmena meant what she had said, Amaryllis felt her doubt about it all inside. The trybrid had never really been known as the brigthest or the one who came up with plans, but she had always been a bit unstable. Mostly because of her emotions and after the whole ordeal with Ramsay she had an even harder time. Sometimes she would wake up already half transformed. This wasn’t good for her, but she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t feel like she could talk about this with anyone, and it made her feel awful.

”Ever since you saved me, I’ve of course been having nightmares, but there’s one dream that I get every other night between the nightmares,” she said looking at Karmena with a careful look. Not many knew that she had the nightmares to begin with, but she didn’t want to talk about that as of now. Instead she swallowed and tried focussing on the memory of the other dream. ”It’s something I can’t really explain, and it’s more of a sensation than a fully realised dream world. It’s like a whisper that talks about something being locked away, and I can’t understand it,” she said. She shook her head, because she felt like she sounded crazy, even if crazy was what she was known for.

"I wasnt calling you stupid. I just dont want you to get some unpleasant surprise if your mind digging gets a good catch of my mind," she then said, narrowing her eyes shortly at Amary, but she noticed that Amary had closed her eyes. She sighed quietly and gave her hand a gently squeeze.
A hint of a smile brushed her lips at Amary's tease, but they both knew it was for the best. Seeing what Amary had gone through, it was a required precaution, that they had to make. Karmena would hate making Amary feel pressured to do anything, mostly because a part of her told her that Amary normally would rebel against such things, but this was different. And she'd hate even more to see Amary give in to something she clearly didnt want.
She listened to Amary explain her nightmares, as she made an analyzing expression. It felt good to hear that there was a dream between the bad stuff, but it had to be more than good to outweigh the bad dreams. She exhaled deeply as Amary explained further and then looked ahead, "I had a similiar dream, a whisper that told me to dig deeper into myself. Seek something that was within, like I had to flip a switch. It only ever occured to me that it was something magical in me, the day I had to save my friend from a bunch of horrible people," she then said as she looked down at the ground, clearly taken by the memory. "I was a good fighter, not a great one, just good. Not good enough to take them all on. But in the midst of it all, I felt a sudden power so strong I thought I would fall apart by the amount of force that grew," she then explained as she put a hand on her chest, remembering the sensation of being both breathtaken and calm at the same time - It had been so confusing.
She turned her eyes to Amary, "These guys had moves that I had never seen before, but as one of them struck me, it felt like my body moved for me, that it had the muscle memories of that exact fight interwined in my being. And then I knew that it meant something," she then explained as she moved her eyes away again. "I never found out what it meant, I only know that when I fight, it feels like I've done it my whole life, or more like I've done it in all my past lives. Even though, I dont believe in past lives. It's just a feeling," she then said before she shrugged, leaving the memories and feelings to the dark again. "I dont know what your voice is telling you, but whatever it is, it will show itself eventually," she then said and as she finished her sentence, a shooting star shot across the starlight sky. She lifted her hand to signal Amary as more stars shot across the sky. "I wish for home," she then said quite balantly, knowing that things like shooting star wishes werent meant to be said aloud, but she never cared much for silly rules like those.
She longed for home, being here had made her unable to control her emotions, making her more vulnerable and prone to talk about how she felt. She had never really done that in their time, Karmena being who she was, rarely spoke up on how she felt, let alone acknowledging that feelings exsisted. It had had it's good sides and bad sides, but she hated it none the less. She exhaled quietly and pulled Amary closer, thinking that maybe these feelings that she felt now, was alright. She had to get used to them, surely she'd do it for her. "It was much more simple then," she then said and shook her head.

//Out//