Let's be lonely together

Date and time: After school, 18/10/2021
Place: Raymond Street nr 6 – The Nelson Estate.
Weather: It’s quite windy and leaves are bugging everyone
Outfit: Black pants, white shirt and a grey pullover
Dedicated to: @Kemuel Nelson

Things were so weird. Rose hadn’t attended school for a whole long time, and besides from that, Rose had never really wanted to talk to her after the white lie. God damn fucking white lie. Besides from Mary-Jane’s hopelessly broken heart, she had been texting Kemuel and figured things were quite wild at his place. His twin had lost her wings, his older sister had a guardian angel and now his two oldest siblings weren’t even fully related to him. It was a lot to swallow in less than twenty days.
So, Mary-Jane and Kemuel had agreed on meeting up to vent and do absolutely nothing besides what their mental state felt like they need. Mary-Jane had been preparing herself for things to be sentimental and how Kemuel might need a hug or plenty. She would just have to suck up the uncomfortable feeling and be less selfish.
She knocked on the door and to her surprise it was Zadkiel who opened. “Oh, hi,” the boy sounded quite happy, “Hi,” she responded with her usual monotone voice. The voice she used mostly when she was talking to strangers. “I’m here to see Kemuel,” she elaborated, since the brother clearly didn’t know what the small ginger was doing by the door. Almost as soon as she had explained, he jumped away from the door to open it a bit wider for the girl and invite her inside. “He’s in his room,” the angel brother said and patted Mary-Jane a bit on the shoulder as he said: “Good luck, he’s bitter,” Mary-Jane felt like she could throw up by the simple touch by Kemuel’s brother, but she held the discomfort back and got rid of her shoes before she got upstairs to Kemuel’s room. She knocked gently on the door, “It’s Jane,” she mumbled and waited for some kind of approvement to get inside or that he opened the door.

It had been quite a feat getting back to the Nelson house. Even so tedious and painful that he had been wondering if it would have been any worse if he had never gotten back. Maybe it would have even been better for his family if he hadn’t. Because it felt like everything had just gone downhill after he had been brought back with the help from his mother’s friend Ramiel. A man that he had been named after, a person that clearly had a tight bond with his mother, and yet another story his mother never thought about mentioning to the rest of her family. It felt unfair, to blame her but on the other side he felt very betrayed by everything and being left in the dark. Of all the things that kept happening to him, and his siblings as if there was some kind of curse over them and they had to be punished for something they had no clue what was.

His entire room was covered in paintings and drawings. Mostly nature, people that he had seen on his way home or from the academy. It was slightly taking over his life, just using all his days drawing and playing video games. He had been slacking in school not really wanting to take anything seriously. Which was annoying as he also really wanted to pass this year, and not get stuck yet again on first year. It just seemed like everything was going against him. And the whole thing with Taylor really hadn’t helped, at all.

It knocked on the door, and he looked up from where he had been sitting on the floor. His fingers black from the coal that he had been using to draw with. A soft smile formed on his lips as Jane presented herself by the door. “Come in, the door is open” he shouted, looking down at his handy work before letting them lift back up at his friend that he gave a big smile. “You are a sight for sore eyes, how are you doing?” he asked, leaning back a little nodding that she was welcome to sit down where she would like to.

She heard Kemuel’s voice from the other side of the door and opened it to enter. She closed it behind her and immediately picked up on every drawing in his room. Had he gone completely bonkers? She knew he painted and drew a lot, but this was maybe getting a little out of hand. She looked over at him, pulling on a soft smile as she noticed how he smiled at her. She approached and sat down on the floor with him, but with her back up against his bed. “Shitty, but that’s just life ya know. Fucking ‘perks’ of having a rich old dad” she exhaled and wrapped her arms around her knees. “It’s good to see you too,” she said and looked up at him before she looked down at his drawing. “How are you doing?” she licked her lips while she tried to study what he was painting this time. “And don’t give me the same medicine with ‘that’s just life’… I can see there’s a lot on your mind,” she said and gestured to his room and his paintings.

He couldn’t help but raise his brows, as she told him just how life was treating her. Now he had understood via the text that they had shared that it wasn’t going peachy. But that sounded like she had gone through just as much shit as he had done himself. If not more. He couldn’t help but laugh, a short one, but a laugh, nonetheless. “You can’t go around saying something, and then tell people not to do the same” he teased, getting up and looking down at his hands once again, they really where just covered in the coal’s black residue. He turned and walked over to his table to pick up a cloth to wipe it off. “Well, it’s just another crazy day in the Nelson household” he shrugged, looking a little around, before he sat down on the floor again, picking up a new block he could draw in, but switched the coal out with a pen instead. He looked towards Mary-Jane and started drawing her while they were talking. “Then I kind off ended things with Taylor, when I found out her sister were a member of the Serpents” he shrugged, letting his tongue rest against his upper lip for a moment before he turned his dark eyes towards her. “Have you heard from Rose lately? She moved out of the Walker’s house, very suddenly I might add” he mumbled, turning his eyes back towards the paper.

Mary-Jane frowned a little and made a little hand gesture as if it didn’t matter. But she knew he was right; she couldn’t just be a hypocrite like that. She might just elaborate all of the things she had on her heart later, because there had really been a lot of things and she felt like it never really stopped. Even though there hadn’t really happened anything the last two weeks, it was still empty without Iris and slightly odd having another woman in the house – even if Mary-Jane liked her.
Her blue eyes followed him as he got up with his hands dirty and found a cloth to wipe them as clean as possible. She sighed, in a humming way as he mentioned it was just another crazy day in the household. She believed him. Things were crazy in both of their households, and it just got so normal to them, that they might not even realize just how crazy the things might be. She picked a little at her fingers as he sat down. She didn’t really mind that he was drawing while they were talking. To her it was more important that they spent time together. She glanced up from her hands as he mentioned how he had ended things with the human girl. “Oh shit,” she mumbled slightly surprised, “That definitely sounds like trouble,” she said and pulled on the corner of her mouth. Their eyes met shortly as he asked about Rose. MJ looked down at her hands again and shrugged. “She doesn’t want to talk to me,” she mumbled. “She’s actually been distant ever since…” she mumbled a little and took a grand inhale. “I did something stupid,” she threw her hands a little to each side. “I just-… I don’t…” she took a deeper breath in and folded her lips as she felt things became difficult. She didn’t know how to start, because she couldn’t just keep it simple and say that she had lied about how Rose acted, because that would not give the complete picture and make Mary-Jane look like an even greater asshole than what she was. She had to explain why she had lied but she really didn’t wish for her to talk about how her grandmother was getting worse and worse. She feared her not being there. “I tried to protect my grandmother and then I said that Rose had hit me, and when Rose figured it out she got really mad…” Her eyes were locked on one of his drawings. “And Rose has just been like… Gone for a month…” She shook her head a little, “I don’t know if that stupid lie was the final drop, but I think she might just have left Aston,” she mumbled feeling uneasy about it. She took a slightly deeper breath as she wanted to change topic, “And Taylor just accepted that? She’s not spamming you or anything?” she wondered and gave him a little nod towards his phone. She didn’t know how Taylor would act on a rejection, but she knew how she, herself, had been worried sick about Rose and had been spamming her phone with messages that expressed just that. Worry.

He lifted his eyes from his drawing as she started to explain to him what had gone down. Pressing his brows together, well he could understand the need to protect someone.  But had it been the right reason to use Rose’s name in all of this? In that manner he understood why Rose had gotten angry. He himself had a hard time forgiving people that had done him wrong, you could just see where it had led him and Taylor, when he had found out that she hadn’t been all that truthful about her life. Especially the parts that had an in pact in his life as well. But he wasn’t about to lecture Jane that it had been dumb to do that, he could clearly see in how she expressed herself, that she was already beating herself up about it. He shook his head when Jane said she just thought that Rose had left Aston. “I don’t think so, but some shit went down in the forest not far from here, and I think she might have gotten hurt and ended up moving to her boyfriend or whatever he is” he shrugged letting his tongue glide over his lip as he returned to painting. You heard a lot of things when you where neighbors to people your own age. And Talia had a knack for finding out stuff about everyone in the neighborhood. Trying to become friends with the Walkers mother, so it would be easier for Seraphina and Ryan to be together. Despite everything that had happen between the two families.

“Taylor’s been writing me a little, and I’ve responded, but never you know, more than that” he explained “I just have a very hard time forgiving her, so, there is that” he shrugged, looking up once again giving her a soft smile. “I know Rose will come back, I just think she never really let herself cope with the fact that her big brother died, and seeing most of her family being okay and happy with other people isn’t really helping her, I don’t think she would be able to stay mad at you forever,  if you want to take her back when she eventually comes around,”

She looked at him, worried when he explained that something had been going on in the forest. She swallowed a little lump as Kemuel mentioned a boyfriend. Yes of course, that didn’t help anything. Mary-Jane had never stood a chance, and now even less. Lies and someone Rose wanted more than her. She looked down at her fingers and picked at them a little, hoping Rose was doing alright and wasn’t hurt. She just wished she had been there to help her… Be there.

He explained how Taylor had been texting a little, but it didn’t seem to be that bad. It wasn’t like how Mary-Jane had panicked about how Rose had ghosted Mary-Jane. She wasn’t used to the silence. “Yeah,” she looked down at her fingers, “We liars really are something,” she chuckled a little sad, but looked up at him as he explained how Rose would come back. She nodded while he spoke. He knew very well that Rose had a lot on her plate, and she understood she needed time. It was tough seeing once siblings being happy with someone else. She could only imagine that. “I don’t think you know… I didn’t really know myself to be honest, so I don’t blame you,” she said and shook her head, knowing that she was talking nonsense. “I wanted to be more than just her friend,” she said and pulled on the corner of her mouth, “But she doesn’t trust me, because I made a mistake, and now she has a boyfriend and-” She could almost feel the cracks in the thick claymask she always felt like she was wearing.
It knocked on the door and Mary-Jane quickly looked towards the door. It took a short moment before a voice spoke. “Hey Kem, can we talk?” It was the sound of the middle child of the Nelson family. Mary-Jane looked back at Kemuel, trying to read whatever he felt like. Mary-Jane honestly didn’t feel like company, now that they sat here and shared all the trouble both of them had encountered the last month or two.

He couldn’t really say anything against the fact that Jane talked herself down. Because he couldn’t really condone her way of lying, and then still be mad at Taylor. She he just gave her a sad smile, knowing that they were both sorry of what they had done. But that didn’t take away the hurt and betrayal that had wounded them. He narrowed his eyes as she started talking about the fact that she didn’t think he knew, or that she knew herself to be honest. A soft chuckle left him, as the puzzle pieces started to fit together. He was just about to tell her that she wasn’t a subtle as she might wanted to think. That maybe the only one that hadn’t seen how both girls had looked at each other had been Rose and Mary-Jane themselves. Now, he also knew that it might be too late, and how did you tell someone that clearly was still very much in love, and heartbroken that the other didn’t call or texted you back?

But he never got that far, as someone knocked on his door. He pressed his brows together, and then licked his lips as he heard who it was. He looked towards Mary-Jane and saw that she, just like him didn’t seem like she wanted company. Besides Tien never really came just to talk, so there had to be something bigger than just sibling conversation. He was wracking his brain if he should just tell her off or make up an excuse. So he just decided with “It’s actually a really bad time, just, come back later” he shouted, shrugging towards MJ as he waited to see if that did the trick.

Tien frowned on the other side of the door. “I-” Mary-Jane caught onto the fact that his speech hadn’t worked. Without a second thought, she transformed her pale skin, to something more golden. Her freckles became less. Her flat ginger hair curled up and turned dark brown. The light blue eyes suddenly matched the forest ground. She didn’t do much to her body since they were approximately the same height and weight. The facial features changed. The lips got wider and plumber and the nose a little rounder. Behind the lips, her teeth straightened out. One of the biggest insecurities for Mary-Jane. The brows turned dark and was way more defined. Mary-Jane definitely believed that Taylor was a wonderfully pretty woman.
Everything happened so quickly, and before Tien even got to press down on the door handle Mary-Jane had pushed her own boundaries aside, put on another personality, just in case this wasn’t enough to keep the sister away. She placed a hand on his knee and another by the side of his neck and she leaned in. Close. She wasn’t moving his sheet of paper nor his hand from it. Reckless move in general.

“I really want to spea-” The door opened and the view of a tanned girl seemingly kissing Kemuel made Tien mute herself and stop for a second before she closed the door to leave. She would be coming back later… Or maybe not. Who knew if Tien had the confidence to tell Kemuel about everything then.

Mary-Jane, looking like Taylor, was only a few inches from Kemuel, the quick movement had made her heart pick up speed and made her close her eyes – truly it was from the fear of being physical “Sorry,” she whispered to him.

He was to stunned to speak as Mary-Jane suddenly chose to turn herself into looking like Taylor. Now, none of his family had seen or met Taylor. If you looked past the fact that Letha and Zadkiel had met her the night, they had slept together. But other than that, he hadn’t taken her home and hadn’t really spend time with her other than the night he had helped with her sister. His heart started to pick up speed, mostly because he was very unsure what Jane even wanted to do with this, why she chose to push herself like this. Even more so as she crawled towards him and pressed herself so close that they were almost kissing. He even forgot that his sister was standing outside the door. Didn’t hear how the door open, or really noticed that she spoke and then the door was closed again. He just sat there, looking into the new green eyes that he had fallen in love with on the beach. Back when he had thought that she might be the one that could help him overcome his insecurities and make this whole year just a little better. How he had fooled himself.

“It’s okay” he mumbled, not really moving. He swallowed the lump in his throat and took in a deep breath. “But, why?” he asked, looking down her face. He would have touched her if he didn’t already know how much she hated it. “You do know that you are just as beautiful how you really look, you don’t have to look like her?” he asked softly, moving his drawing that would show that he had been drawing Mary-Jane before she had turned into Taylor. “Please turn back” he asked softly, placing his hands on his knees.

He told her it was okay and she slowly opened her eyes. God how close had she just moved? She leaned a little back so the distance between them was more appropriate. Her gaze looked away shortly as he asked why, “Your sister didn’t listen,” she said and shrugged before she looked back at him, “Public displays of affection makes people uncomfortable. She left,” she backed up her reason.
Mary-Jane frowned a little at the compliment, not accepting it, but she didn’t know what exactly to say. She wanted his family to believe it was Taylor and not her, since Mary-Jane liked Rose? Or was it because when Mary-Jane looked like someone else, she didn’t feel just as connected to herself and could easier push her boundaries? Her eyes looked away for a moment, stumbling upon the drawing he had been in the middle of making. It gave her shivers to see herself on a piece of paper. To see what he saw with his eyes. Please turn back. She looked back at him and almost as if someone pulled the plug she looked like herself and the flat ginger hair spilled down her shoulders, as if someone had been holding it up above her head. “I know I don’t have to look like her,” she said and shrugged, “It’s the first time I’ve done her either way,” she added and folded her hands on her lap.

He couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle, as Jane tried to justify how she had acted with the fact that Tien had left. “Or I could have told her to leave again, when she opened the door, especially since I have a friend over” he lifted a brow as a crocket smile formed on his lips. But he didn’t really care why she had done it, nor did he blame her for it. He just found it funny that it had been, that she had chosen. “Good” he added when she told him that she knew that she didn’t have to look like Taylor. “So, you and Rose?” he tried to get the topic over on something else than what had just gone down. Because to be honest, he didn’t really know how to feel about her turning into Taylor and then almost kissing him like her. It felt wrong, and somehow also fake in a way he didn’t like. He took his drawing book and his pen up again and placed against his thighs. He didn’t start drawing right away though, keeping his eyes towards the ginger shapeshifter sitting opposite him.

Mary-Jane rolled her eyes a little as he mentioned how he could’ve just have told Tien to leave again. Now, when she was thinking clearly, she could see that, but she had just been spilling her heart out about how Rose was with someone who wasn’t her. She hadn’t been thinking rationally like usual. What the hell was this crush doing to her.
She licked her lips a little as he found the way back to the topic. “Yeah, I don’t know. Ain’t happening,” she said and shrugged. She looked at his book which he had been drawing her in. “I don’t exist in her world anymore,” she scratched her temple a little. “I completely shattered whatever hope there was out of panic and because she was the only person I could think of... I fucked up,” she sighed and hugged her legs. “I don’t know about you, but… She simply disappeared from my world… Out of my radar and…” her brows twitched a little, “It feels so weird… And now I walk around seeing my father with his fucking sweet soulmate and…” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back until she tipped backwards, laying on her back with her arms still holding around her legs. “As much as I like to see them happy and… Play and look at each other…” She tilted her head so she could see Kemuel from the side of her body, “As much it fucking sickens me,” she said with a little disgust. “He’s an old fart and all that, but I want that too,” she said and looked up at the ceiling. For a moment she thought a little, before she looked past her body again and looked at Kemuel, “Do you want me to sit up straight?” she wondered.

He looked at her and couldn’t help but feel how his own heart ached for her. Because he understood it, understood how it was to have your heart completely torn out and stomped on. And even though Taylor had never meant to do that to him, seeing her with her boyfriend. Knowing that she had been with him that night, taking something from him. That he had given to her because he thought. Because he had thought she was the one. And he had to play this though guy, that just didn’t care. Because. In the end. That was all he had. This mask of him being uncaring and heartless. Because if he showed people just how much he was hurting, how he was screaming inside of his own head. He would be admitted, he was sure of it. Hell, he had pulled the trigger on that nail gun on purpose. It hadn’t been because he had been too high to not think about his actions. He had been having a moment off, maybe he just couldn’t feel anything anymore. So, he had done it. To feel something.

He nodded slowly as she told him that she hated seeing her father being happy with a new woman. Another thing he understood well. Seeing Seraphina, despite everything that was happening to her. She also had Ryan that would go through fire and hell to be there for her. Then there was Laila that had friends, like Howie that would drive her home and open his doors to give her place to stay without asking questions. Tien had gotten herself a guardian angel, that seemed very invested in helping her with everything. Zadkiel had Letha, even though it seemed like he was determinant to just ruin his life, even though he had everything to live for. His beautiful girlfriend and his career. Of course, that didn’t take away the hurt that he could see in his brothers’ eyes. And that in all of it, made it so much worse. Because if even Zadkiel was hurting and was messed up. Then what hope was there for him to ever get better!?

Pressing his lips together, he fought against the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Not noticing that he had just been sitting listening to her and nodding along. “No” he said a little too loud and shook his head “No” he said once again a little quieter. “Just sit, lie, however you like” he took in a deep breath and look down at the drawing he hadn’t touched yet. But somewhere along it all, he had cracked the tip of his pencil. “I get it, being jealous of seeing people being happy, especially when you feel like everything is falling apart in front of you” he breathed out licking his lips “But Jane, Rose won’t be the only girl, or man – if you like both, that will come around and you fall in love with, and maybe next time” he let out a soft exhale and looked down again “Next time it will be the real thing, and they will love you too, and then – then you can be happy with them” he let his tongue run over his lips "And if anything Rose is a fool, because you're are a wonderful person, and she is the one missing out in the end

She didn’t need to sit upright. The way he had said it made her pay just a little more attention to him rather than what was on her own mind about her and Rose. “Thanks,” she almost whispered and looked up at the ceiling shortly. It was almost scary how he knew just how she was feeling. It made her look towards him again. She pulled a little smile as he mentioned Rose wasn’t the only one in the world. She moved a little around so she could look at him better as he spoke about how the next time it might be the real thing. They will love you too. She clenched her teeth together. She could only imagine that this was how Kemuel felt about Taylor, but at the same time, it was a different situation. He had been betrayed, or at least from his perspective. Taylor hadn’t been in her right mind, is what Mary-Jane had figured. “Thanks, Kem.” she said and sat up. She wanted to say something back, but it simply didn’t rest on her tongue yet. She wanted to tell him that Taylor was missing out, and she would bet that Taylor knew that herself. She wanted to tell him, that Taylor was a fool to not tell him the truth from the start, but when she knew how Taylor had been scared about so many things and how Taylor had wished she hadn’t been in the relationship with her boyfriend and… Oh how Taylor had many excuses.
She crawled over to sit next to him. “It’s funny… We should know how it’s never just the first who’s the best,” she said and looked at him. It wasn’t like his siblings had been lucky with their first loves, and Mary-Jane could simply look at all the half siblings she had. “Do you want a hug?” she offered giving him a soft smile. She didn’t really mind it right now. She could almost feel how the air had changed as they both had explained how they felt about the ones they had liked. Even if he didn’t want a hug, she had other plans for how they could… cleanse their system. Get the frustrations out. Smashing things and shouting. Of course, it was most often the best to do in southside, because no one cared down there, but there were places in Aston which could work too.

He nodded and gave her a small smile when she thanked him. Not that she needed to thank him, as he was only telling her the truth. But sometimes, that was all you really needed. Someone telling you just how they saw things, without trying to protect your feelings. It might be harsh, but it was needed. At least there wasn’t any of what he had said to her, that could sound cruel.

A soft, hmm, left him. As she said it was funny. He then couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, when she theorized that they should have known, better than anyone that the first is never the best. And it was true, he had seen just how bad the first once could turn out. Hopefully Taylor would go crazy and shoot him in the leg, next time he saw her. Kemuel slowly turned his head when MJ asked if he wanted a hug. A soft smile formed on his lips, and she pushed away his sketching book again. Letting his arm snake around her shoulders and slowly pulled her in, in a half hug. Hoping that would make it more bearable for her than if it was a full-on hug. A soft sigh escaped him, and he closed his eyes. It was nice just sitting there, not saying anything. Maybe that was what he needed the most.

He removed his sketchbook and let an arm snake around her to hug her. She too let a hand snake around him and leaned in for the hug. The blue eyes blinked a little as he didn’t go for a full hug. “Wait,” she whispered and turned herself around a bit, so her front pointed towards his. She let her arms find around him for a full hug, “It’s okay,” she giggled softly and pulled him a bit closer. She didn’t want to push his boundaries, just because she was the one who didn’t like physical contact didn’t mean that it couldn’t be too much for him. She closed her eyes with a soft sigh. “I can also just hold you, if you’d want that,” she almost whispered. Now, Jane wasn’t a routined hugger, but she knew what made her feel good when she either hugged herself or hugged Bruce. One arm was under his and on his back, the other was over his arm and hold onto the shoulder neck area to keep him close.

As she told him to wait, he looked at her blinking a little before waiting as she had told him to. A small laugh left him as she giggled that it was okay. So, he slowly moved his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. He was very gentle at first, trying to be respectful about her own boundaries. Now she had been helping him at first, hanging on his arm when Taylor had been trying to talk to him. When she told him that she could just hold him, he let out a small breath of air. Weighing his options on what to do now. “Just tell me if it becomes too much” he mumbled, as his arms snaked around her, and slowly lifted her off the ground, as he stood up. Because if he had to be honest, he could really use just lying with someone. Holding them, feeling close to someone. If MJ didn’t struggle, or told him to put her down he would slowly walk over to his bed, sit down and lie back with her in his arms, closing his eyes holding her close.

Mary-Jane hummed a little as he told her to tell her if it became too much. She would. On the other hand, she hadn’t expected to be picked up and a small, surprised sound came from her, and she made sure that whatever grip she had was tighter around him. “I’m okay,” she assured him with a soft whisper, though her brows furrowed a little as he started walking. Where was he taking her? As he turned to sit down, she noticed he had taken her to her bed. He laid down and dragged her down it him. For a moment her following was with a slightly rigid motion. A slightly angsty feeling started crawling up on her and she opened her mouth to say something. But while she laid there her ears caught onto his heartrate and breathing. “Are you laying alright?” she mumbled and turned her head a little to glance up at him. “It’s not too much?” she added. One thing was that it had been on the edge for her, but the sound of his heartbeat and calm breathing had calmed her rather than fired up in the anxiety. “Would you like me to be smaller? Softer?” she whispered blinking a little. She wouldn’t mind morphing into something that would make this more comfortable for him… But at the same time, she remembered how he had almost disapproved of her shapeshifting. “Would you like me to be quiet?” she added, still in a whisper. She wasn’t a professional cuddler, no that would be a shame to say. She never really laid with someone just for the physical comfort… No just to give someone else the physical comfort. That was even rarer. Mary-Jane wasn't usually this quiet, but something about all of this just seemed to need another tune, and she didn’t mind it. She didn’t mind showing how soft she actually could be, because it felt like it was a safe space, almost to a point where she would say she could be herself – but that would be a little too far.

He closed his eyes and kept his arms rather loosely around her body. Mostly so she at any point could pull away and easily tell him to stop. He found it funny, that it was her that kept asking him if he was lying okay. And if he was okay. He opened one of his eyes and looked at Jane with a half-smile. He was just about to say that it was just fine, and she didn’t need to do anything other than she was already doing. But then she kept going, smaller, softer? He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, especially as she stopped herself, not before asking if she was talking to much of course. “Jane?” he whispered, letting his hand move up and gently move a few strands of hair from her face, and put it behind her ear. Very lightly letting his fingertips play around with her soft straight hair. “You’re just perfect the way you are, you don’t need to do anything other than you are already doing” he said in the same low voice as he had spoken with before. His hand placed itself on her back before he closed his eyes again.

He gave her a soft chuckle, and for a moment she could feel herself suck in her stomach and feel even further insecure. Her eyebrows raised a little as he spoke her name. “Yes?” she whispered back watched his dark eyes. Her eyes shortly looked at his hand as he moved a few strands away from her face. She felt how she held her breath. It was incredible how difficult it could be to relax completely, and she cursed herself for not just relaxing, so they both just could…. Be lonely together.
And as he spoke, a very little smile appeared for a split second. “Thanks,” she mumbled just as low as him. As he placed his hand on her back again, completely relaxed, she rested her cheek against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat and closed her eyes. It took a little while before she actually got to relax. Breathe properly, relax her stomach, thighs and even arms. While every inch of her body got comfortable, she thought to herself, that she simply wished that she wasn’t that tense about physical touch. She wished she could relax in the embrace of others. “If I fall asleep, you should know that it’s okay to push me off,” she mumbled and tried to fight how her muscles shortly wanted to tense. She opened her eyes shortly and studied his room. Paintings everywhere and a very specific lap which had been glued back together. “Kem?” she whispered, staring at his room. “You can call me any time, okay?” she said, and without really noticing how she let her fingertips circle on top of his shoulder. “And if you need a hug… Just tell me,” she whispered smiling a little. She just needed to prepare herself, and sometimes the request was enough of a preparation.

Once again all he did was chuckle as she told him, that he could just push her off if she fell asleep. Not that he would ever just, push her off. Mostly because it sounded so aggressive to just push someone off you, instead of carefully move them if you needed to get up. But to be fair, he knew that he could come off as an asshole, and aggressive. When he typically had much more self-control and could just walk away from a fight. Or use his calm to make the situation turn into his favor. For a while there was silence between them, and he could feel how with everything going on, it was very easy for him to get so comfortable that he could fall asleep anytime if he wanted too. But before he got that far, her voice rang out. Saying his name. A soft hum left him, telling her that he was listing, even though he didn’t open his eyes, nor turned his head towards her. What she told as the next thing, however, made him open his eyes and look down at his friend lying against his chest. “Thanks MJ” he mumbled, with a hint of a smile forming over his lips. “I was actually offered that if I really put in the work, doing well on both the winter exams but also summer exams, I would be allowed to be on third year in September next year” he breathed out, he should be on fourth, but he would take it. It was better than staying in the same year over and over, and not really feeling like he got anywhere.

Mary-Jane hummed softly as he thanked her. There was really nothing too it, people just really needed to know how to get her consent before they went in and hugged her or simply touched her. As he then started to talk about school, she looked up and at him and a soft smile spread on her lips. “That’s wonderful,” she said in an almost drowsy whisper. “I’ll be there and help you,” she mumbled and closed her eyes a little. “But I can’t rea… No, wait…” she opened her eyes again, “I’ll do my best to help you… If you want me to, of course,” she said a little more awake. “Then we’d be on the same year,” she mumbled. She was generally excited for him to get further up and not just be stuck on the same grade. Even though she had never been stuck in any situation like that before. She was always just being promoted and she was tired of it. She never had to work for anything. She just received and she was tired of it. Some would say that though she didn’t have to work for anything, she had plenty of bumps on the road. Those bumps were to her simply things she felt like he learned from. There were never enough bumps for her to feel like she was actually learning. This was also why she was proud of Kemuel. He had hit bump after bump, and he was still going. He was smart. Very, very smart. Experienced even.

”Yeah, well” he shrugged a little, not knowing if it was wonderful or not. It was something, and then he didn’t have to keep feeling as big of a failure that he was already doing. Just because things weren’t going in as fast, as many other people on the school. Like Rose or when Maya had been there. Not that he had known her all that well, but it was like the school was just filled with people that felt like everything was easy to understand. Hell, MJ only had one subject. Even Taylor seemed to have no problem, whatsoever to understand certain subjects. And then there was him, stupid and never really understood anything that the teacher was talking about. He gave her a small smile, as she told him that she would help him, if he wanted too. “I think you’ll get really tired of me, real fast if you help me, I’m not all that bright” he mumbled, closing his eyes again. All he really had going was the fact that he was good at gaming and then there was his ability to draw. But other than that, he didn’t have all that much to him. He felt like his sibling had gotten all of the good things.

Mary-Jane frowned a little as he mentioned how Mary-Jane would get tired of him really fast. She turned her head up and folded her hands on his chest to look at him with her chin on top of his chest. “I don’t think that I’ll get tired of you that fast,” she said keeping her eyes at him for a moment. She had almost forgotten just how close they were. “Most smart people actually bore me,” she said and pulled on a little cheeky smile and chuckled a little. “It’s so much more interesting to see everything from your perspective,” she laughed a little. No, it wasn’t because she believed Kemuel was dumb in any way. He was smart in so many ways, and he was such a pleasant being to be around. Being pleasant wasn’t just something you could learn, everything else was just a matter of time and explanation. He just needed the right teacher to make him understand.