None of us are Free - Maya

"I did-" she tried to break though his rush of words about what she should have done. An adult. The police... the fucking police couldn't do shit. She laughed. It was all she really could do, a short almost manic laugh. As if he knew better than her. "But they did. And every time I've tried involving the police in anything, guess what - they throw me in for behaving badly - no one believes the short blond with obvious issues - If it wasn't for Alison, Jack and Lucas - they would have thrown my ass at Eichen House," she cleared her throat and shook her head. It wasn't that he was more overwhelmed than her, but she couldn't really allow herself to completely go down that path, not when he was in need of her staying sane despite her almost reaching her melting point. She didn't want to be here in this void of crippling anxiety that tried to drag her back down. Maya couldn't go down there again.  She had never seen Wayne like this, this freaked out - sure the whole wolf thing had freaked him out, but it didn't compare to how he acted right now, and Maya wasn't even sure how to comfort him, if she was capable of doing so while trying to not let herself fall.

Her eyes locked on him, hoping he could catch his breath, allowing him to take everything inn even if it meant sinking to the ground. It tore her apart watching him lapse on the floor, and Maya folded her lips a little bit before taking a deeper breath in as he replied to her question. She stepped closer and sat down in front of him, just like she had done the day she had found out him. Alicia. Maya noted the name in her mind. Dangerous thing to do.

But before she even got to reach out for him, the next question hit the otherwise calmed sea with another wave of guilt. Did anyone even look for me? Maya split her lips, her mouth felt dry. They didn't lie to each other, and there was no way she could say that she had been looking for him. Because she hadn't. Not after the text she had gotten, which she now felt like a complete fool for not having checked up on further. "I got a text saying you had taken up on Roman's advise and met with that pack back in Scotland that we located," she knew he sometimes had missed Scotland, and Roman had thought it was perhaps the best idea, even if Irina had seemed to have been a bit surprised by the choice at first, they hadn't asked questions. "And then I texted you back in Autumn to hear if you came back home, and I got another reply, that things were a bit tough but you would see if you could make it back at least sometime in Winter. So, no - I didn't - I didn't and I'm sorry," she licked her lips again feeling her jaw tighten, her entire body so tense not knowing what to do. "I should have known better. I should have - I'm sorry."

Wayne’s lips had immediately parted to shoot right back at her, preferably not listening to any of the words that he found so utterly unfair and simply not realistic when she mentioned Alison, Jack and Lucas, and his lips pinched themselves together to a thin line. She had had them, he realised. She hadn’t been alone; she’d had them, and though it somewhat comforted him that there had been adults involved, the thought also made him highly irritated. Not one but three bloody adults! And all of them had gone against everything the law told them to do, and simply stayed quiet. How very fucking dared they? The lives they could’ve helped if they hadn’t all been so selfish! Did none of them know he worked there? If any of them had cared even a little bit about him, that would’ve been a detail they would have remembered! It was all in the papers of his application to the academy, damnit!
Oh man, was he tired. So bloody tired. Tired of the world, tired of freaking adults that thought they knew best and most of all tired of fighting his friend. So instead of saying any of the thought he had thunderously shouted in his mind, he nodded at her words, his jaw clenched a little tightly as he did so. “Okay,” he replied through an exhale. “Okay. Sorry.”

The floor was cold. His body was cold. He desperately missed the warmth he had always felt when touching things and touching people, but it seemed that that sensory part of his body had somewhat worsened. Right now, he would be happy to be on his own bedroom floor. That shitty little one bed he had gotten after moving out from the Academy. Alone with the curtains drawn and blissful quiet; nobody to feel resentful towards but himself.
Wayne’s head lifted slowly as she spoke. Her voice sounded defeated and there was that edge of guilt he had felt earlier on the French piazza. His eyebrows knitted firmly in his forehead. What?! He had obviously forgotten everything about that stupid pack in Scotland. He thought they knew that?! That he had nothing much to go back to. “I - I have nothing left up there,” he whispered, feeling thick from emotions in his throat, knowing all to well that he sounded like he was on the verge of a sob. “I thought you - that you knew that I wouldn’t -“ He reached a hand to his forehead. “I thought you knew I wouldn’t bloody leave you.”
He must have broken her heart, he realised. She was always so scared of people leaving and had talked to him about it and - my god - must it have been a hit that he had just left like that.
And then I texted you back in Autumn to hear if you came back home. Wayne started shaking his head. He could hear it in her voice, the blame she felt heavier and heavier for each word. “No, no stop that,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. “I - how could you have known.”
It was important for him to say those words, more than anything to tell himself that there was a reason for all of the loneliness he had felt. Of course they had covered their tracks. That’s what he would have done, he knew. “No - I -I’m sorry. I am. I shouldn’t have lashed out. I, uh, am feeling all these weird thing. All the time.” His voice managed to hold its stand until the end where it cracked lightly and he had to swallow to recompose.

I thought you knew I wouldn’t bloody leave you. A part of her knew. She knew he wouldn't just get up and leave, but so many others had said the same thing. So many had given her their word that they would always be there and then few days later gone in the wind without a word, suddenly just stopped caring when she assumed that she might have been more a problem than an actual person. I - how could you have known? It didn't matter how she could have, when she should have known better, right? If she hadn't been so caught up in her own traumas and what was going right in her life, perhaps she would have picked up on the small hints that were warning signs rather than excuses. But it was a copping mechanism, just turn the blind eye when people left, because if you started reaching out and it turned out that all the effort had been pointless, it would hurt more - that was also a thing she had quite the experience with. Roman by now was the person she had known the longest that she still was close to this day, still he didn't know everything - but he knew more than most.

"Of course you feel weird, you got turned into a vampire Wayne, that is not nothing - its possibly the best excuse to act out," she replied back while licking her lips a little bit. Hating feeling like everything was falling apart. "You must be starving," she mumbled knowing she didn't have any blood but her own around, and it was very unlikely that it would even help him at all - who knew what crazy side effects it would involve. Maya dried her eyes and took a sharper breath in and collected herself again, something she by now had expertise in. Because right now, she felt so utterly selfish for being this hurt when he clearly was feeling like a train-wreck. He needed her and she was acting up, she had to stop that - she could act up later when she was alone. Right now, he needed her to be stronger than this, right? "Your emotions are heightened, along with all your senses, which makes up for your extra panic at the disco," she replied with a more collected voice keeping her eyes at him, trying to give him a reason for why he felt weird.

You must be starving.
He lifted his head to look at her. She sounded so matter-of-factly. He knew she had way more experience within the supernatural world than he had, but the thought of blood was so ambivalent and unpleasant. It actually made him want to vomit. Which he hated and was something that would’ve quite possibly triggered a panic attack not many months ago; but then, he thought to himself, so would the thought of having to drink blood. He groaned loudly by the prospect and buried his head into his knees.
“What do I do?!” He whimpered into the dirty, ragged fabric of his old worn down trousers. “I can’t drink from bloody people, Maya.” That was the most disgustingly unhygienic thing ever! Truly so! People got into contact with the strangest of things and were so dirty and sweaty and - ew! Even the thought made him pull a face. Would he have to feed on blood bags?! He couldn’t help another groan from the nausea that the thought brought with him. Maybe he was just tired, he told himself. So god damn tired.

Having been on high alert with overstimulated senses for so long, it was almost impossible to think that he could relax. Sleep was almost foreign to him now, yet the comforting smell of Maya - of something homely - made him incredibly drowsy; as if his body realized the rare opportunity for resting. Her voice echoed in his mind and he raised his sunken eyes to her to make sense of the words. It was a meek smile he managed. Panic at the Disco. “Mh,” he muttered in agreement, somewhat proud to have caught onto the pop culture-reference for once, and with it he closed his eyes solemnly. The hunger wasn’t nagging anymore. It was quiet and empty and numb. He managed a meek smile through the closed eyes and nodded to himself. “Do vampires go to hell?” He asked the air, wondering aloud if he now had missed out on his shot at going to heaven. Now that he knew that heaven actually existed that automatically meant the possibility of the opposite, and that was a rather frightening prospect.
A low chuckle made it out from his throat; defeated and detached. “Oh, what the hell,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “I might see her there, then.” Fitting, he thought. Deep in his chest he knew that the only way to survive this, was to kill her. Alicia Blackwood. He had to. However impossible it seemed.

Maya watched how he buried his head into his knees, how he responded to her words. Well, Maya had always been rather practical, finding the best and fastest solution to most issues she met. Her mind worked to incredible fast that she could run over most errors and theories within seconds where the average mind could take everything between hours to days, to even weeks to figure it out. It wasn't like she had any experience in being a vampire. Far from actually. She didn't know how the blood lust worked within the species, how it felt like to be that kind of dead. But she knew the hunger from being what she was, how she sometimes felt like ripping something apart and just feast because she had skipped breakfast or hadn't had lunch on time. It had been a weird hunger when being just a thunderbird, but adding the wolf part - it was an experience she never really told anyone about because she was also very sure no one could relate to it. And Maya being Maya, she was very careful about what cards she played and which she didn't, even if she could seem like the most oversharing kind of person, one never really realized how much she didn't tell. "You don't have to drink from people Wayne," she pointed out very thoroughly. "The hospital makes donations for vampires, it wouldn't be impossible to get some bloodbags and store in your apartment, it's not like your life is over," she tried to assure him, knowing he was going through a rather difficult time right now.

Did vampires go to hell? It truly depended if you believed in Heaven and Hell. In the angels. Now Maya knew stories, she had met people who should make you question it sound stupid. Elenora for one, Archie's wife was daughter of the archangel Michael. Maya however found all of them foolish, because why the hell had god chosen all of these bad things to happen, if he was so powerful, why all the suffering and the torment? "I would rather go to hell than face an arrogant god," she replied back, "we can always car-pool," Maya tried to come with a small little remark as always, while still being vey serious in the matter. I might see her, Maya assumed he met the person who had taken him in the first place.