State of the heart

His hands still clenched, the claws still piercing through the skin, holding him in control, because he was angry, hurt and he couldn't change any of the things that had happened - he could change how betrayed he already felt. Clay had started to let her back in, and now he was back right where he started, back where all the hurt was calling itself home. And he wanted to punch something, he wanted to rip something apart and all that kept him not doing it was these claws in his skin, reminding him that he could hurt someone. Clay could feel the hatred overtake him again, because it was easier to hate than anything else. He looked to the side not even having noticed Nia had entered the room before she squatted down next to him. Clayton took a deeper breath in before pulling his claws in and reached for the bags, not caring to discuss his bloody fingertips nor his bloody palms. He just drank. He drank so fast as if his life depended on it, which it in the end didn't. "No," Clayton finally breathed out and shook his head a little. "If I think about it, the rage will just return - and I'm afraid what happens if I lose control," he confessed in a lower voice. For a moment he thought if he should call his mother, but he didn't wish to trouble her. He didn't wish to trouble anyone.

She took the bags away from him as he was done drinking, folding them together and put them in a pocket. Reminding herself to throw them out in the chemical wastebins. Narrowing her eyes, a little when he told her that he couldn’t talk about it, because he was afraid of what would happen if he did. She didn’t really understand the concept being so angry, that you wouldn’t be able to contain the beast inside of her. Mostly because she had never let it get that far. She couldn’t allow herself to do that. “Okay” she whispered slowly, and turned her side towards him, after using her powers against Quentin, and later showing Cecilia, Tyler, Nigel and Irina just what she could do. She had started to try it out more, felt much stronger in using it. “Do you trust me?” she asked, leaning towards him giving him a soft smile. “Close your eyes” she whispered, letting her finger glide over his forehead, just like she had done with Josephine.

They were in a forest, even though both their bodies were sleeping in the storage room. “Okay” she said turning towards Clay “Scream, let it out, let the anger out, in here you can’t hurt anything – Only I can do that, so” she spread out her arms “let out the anger, and let it go” out of thin air an ax was in her hand that she handed to him, then she nodded towards the big trees “Go nuts”

"Without a doubt," he replied as she asked if he trusted her. He did. He trusted her at least more than he trusted himself. So, he closed his eyes. Clayton felt it swift, a small pull so he opened his eyes shortly after. Being out in a forest, he pressed his brows a bit together, before realizing she had done it. Clay exhaled as she turned towards him. Asked him to let the anger out. Clayton had lived in the shadow for many years, living away from this supernatural capital, he had never stayed here long despite how nice it felt not to having to hide what he was. Clay just took a deeper breath in and licked his lips a little bit. He could feel his heart beating heavy against his chest, how his head was bound to explode. He took the axe, looking down at it for a moment before he took a few steps to the side towards the wood. He closed his eyes for a moment, licked his lips a little. Clay opened his eyes again, feeling it rush over him. Before he took the first swing, a weak swing to be honest. But it was just the first swing, the next possessed more power, and so did the next four ones. The fifth time he left out a scream so loud he could swear it echoed between the trees. He awe dropped as he just started punching the closest tree in front of him, over and over again, only stopping himself to take a step back and move his hands to his hair and take a deeper breath in, just to let himself fall down to his knees. Hammer his fist to the ground before leaning over, exhaling in defeat.

She just stood there, almost helplessly seeing how her friend started to swing with the axe. How he kept swinging. She wanted to do more, but honestly, she knew how it was feeling trapped in emotions not letting them out. How sometimes all you needed was just showing something, someone how much you were hurting. Letting it out in screams, in using your body to hurt something. So, she just watched. Waited. Until he fell down on his knees hammering his fist into the ground leaning over.

Nia walked slowly towards him. Her hand found his shoulder and she walked around and sat down in front of him. “I don’t know what happened, or what Josephine did to cause you this much pain – but you need to either stop helping her and tell her once and for all that the fact that she keeps staying only brings you more pain, or you stay and you help her. Because she needs it, more than many are willing to give to a person – but either way you need to talk with her, not bottle it up” she said, and then her arms folded around him pulling him into a hug.

He breathed out the second her hand touched his shoulder. She was right. She did not know what had happened, she did not know - but Josephine had come to him, moved across the sea to stand right there and rip every single wound up he had healed over time. But it also hurt to know that Josephine was in so much pain, and it wouldn't help talking it out, he had tried to let it her a little bit in, but this was just a reminder of how everything had gone wrong. "I can talk to her, it's too much," he felt his throat close and tried to swallow, just like he wanted to swallow the pain. Clayton wasn't blind to the fact what Josephine needed, he had wanted to provide that, but he wasn't that strong and he couldn't carry both of them through this. "I know it might sound disappointing to you," he breathed out almost in a short laugh. "But I don't really want to disappoint you Nia. So, I'm sorry, I can't, not this time" he cleared his throat and took a deeper breath in, feeling how she pulled him into a hug.

She listened to what he said. Because that was what she was good at. Listening, giving people her time. Being there for people, it brought her joy, sadness but also a form of purpose in life. Which had been why she had become a doctor. There she could heal bodies, and give children, teenagers, and adults a new start on life. But sometimes one didn’t need a knife to heal, but closeness. “It’s okay, I’ll take care of it” she whispered, hugging him closer. And they sat there like that, for as long as she dared. When she got them out of her illusion she breathed out. Raising herself from the ground. “Now, Clay, you are going home now. I’ll take your patients and brief Doctor Mitchell that you are taking half a sick day” she shook her head “don’t argue with me, sit here for as long as you need, and then, you go home” she leaned down and placed a soft kiss against his brow before she walked out, closing the door softly behind her.


Birdie didn’t know how long she had been awake before she began to feel her consciousness come back. Turning she looked towards, not who she thought it would be. A young doctor, the one that had come when she had been at Clay’s place. The one he had been harboring feelings for. “Where is Clay?” she whispered hoarsely Nia turned her attention towards the fairy “His not coming anymore” she answered, and she could see the confusion in Birdie’s. “You need to let go, and you need to let him be” Birdie sat up in her bed and opened her mouth to argue but the way that the vampire looked at her quickly shut her up, feeling tears glide down her cheeks. “I think you need to hear this for someone, so you don’t go chasing after him again, so here it is Josephine” she rose from her seat and walked to the edge of the bed. “Clay doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore, because you ruin him, and you ruin your relationship with him” Nia could see the hurt that glided over Birdie’s face that placed her hands against her chest where her heart where. “And I’m not saying I don’t understand how sometimes you can be put in a situation where you can’t help but hurt other people, and that I know what you went through was horrible and painful, but you need to stay away from him. Don’t contact him, don’t speak to him and don’t ever seek him out again” a pained sob left Birdie as she pulled her legs towards her chest and hugged around them. “There is a porter waiting outside for you, I’m getting you transferred to Grounds of lily’s hospital, and to their psychic ward, where you will get the help you need, and when you’re ready they will help you – but I need you to sign these forms, do you understand Mrs. Morningstar?” Birdie nodded and took the form and signed the papers. It was clear she wanted to say something. But just looked at how Nia told the porter to come inside as she was driven away. Put in an ambulance and send to the next hospital.

It was like her entire heart and soul was being ripped apart.

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Out