This is just a sick joke, right?

She didn’t even notice that he took one of the bags, nor that it was him that closed the door and not her. For a moment, she didn’t even understand that she had actually gone all the way from the car, inside her house without even remembering how she walked. It was a weird and unnerving feeling. She didn’t even hear Sterling telling her that she shouldn’t listen to him. Because why shouldn’t she? She had only been with two guys, one she had thought had gone so well, five years together and then, suddenly out of nowhere it was over. Just like that, as if their time together hadn’t meant anything. Then Daniel, she had tried, and they had been together for such a long time as well. Until she had found him cheating after she had been away for a weekend.

Sterling snapped her out of it as he grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. Her eyes watered as she looked at him, what he didn’t have to think about her. By the gods this was horrible. Blinking a little trying to stop the tears from falling, as he asked why Daniel should be right about anything he had just said. A surprised look washed over her face as he grabbed her shoulders asking her to listen. She did, she really did. Always been beautiful. a small smile formed on her lips and a half sob half laugh left her as she tried to push the hand away that pocked her sternum. Closing her eyes for a second leaning against his hand that pushed some of her hair away from her face. “Thank you, still sorry you had to hear that though” she mumbled taking a deep breath in. She opened her eyes again, letting her hand place on top of his. “and thank you for saying I’ve always been beautiful, means a lot”

The way he got a small smile and a little sobbing laugh from her made him smile a little more at her. She shouldn’t believe in that foul. She should believe in herself and the power she contained – because everyone contained a power, some just didn’t know about it. He let her rest her head in his hand for a moment. She apologized that he had to hear that. He had heard worse, but worse could be a lot of things. He looked into her beautiful dark brown eyes. “It means the most when you forget to remind yourself,” he spoke softly.
“Obligatory hug,” he said quickly and let his hand slide behind her neck and pull her into a hug, swinging his free arm around her back. “Everyone has some baggage. You don’t have to apologize for yours,” he mumbled and caressed her neck a little. For a moment he just let her rest there, while he eyes the groceries she had brought. “Imma give you two options, Jade,” he said, not letting go of her. “We can bake the apple pie, or we can go upstairs and watch something until you’re feeling better,” he said. The smartest thing was of course to bake the pie first and then go upstairs while it was in the oven, but if she would rather go upstairs now and bake later, that would be all okay.

“You are simply the goofiest” she laughed as he announced that an obligatory hug was going to happen. She gladly let her arms fold around his waist and let herself pull towards his chest. Closing her eyes on the way and took a deep breath in. His scar was a little rough against her cheek. But it was a warm and fuzzy feeling that started to spread in her chest. It scared her a little, especially after what had just happened. To be fair, after the whole ordeal with Oliver and Daniel, she had thought long and hard. More or less coming to conclusion that love, would come but maybe it was alright to just be alone. Right now, though? It was really nice to have someone hugging you. She lifted her head as he spoke again “Two options?” she asked blinking and licking her lips “well” a soft smile formed on her lips “Apple pie, and while its baking watching something would be nice” she got out of his grip and started finding all the supplies she needed, while taking out the groceries she had brought. Placing it all on the table so she could refill her many flasks and containers that was standing around. After watching it on tiktok she had become completely obsessed with organizing. “Alright, so, what about you sit down, and I’ll make you a cup of coffee and bake us a delicious apple pie?” she gave him a big smile, his pep talk had really helped, even though the pain was still heavy in her heart.

“Oh! Wait, we can put on some music" she found her Bluetooth speaker and connected it to her phone. Putting on some old school music that could make any situation better. Walking on sunshine started playing, and with a smile Jade started weighing the flour after she had put on another pot of coffee.

Sterling smiled as she seemed to have chosen what she wanted to do with the options he had given her. He let her get out of his grip, and as soon as he noticed that she was unpacking he started to help – or well at least he emptied the bag. It seemed like she had a system for how she wanted things, and he didn’t want to mess that system up. “Sit down?” he said almost surprised, “Nah, I’ll be your assistant,” he said pulling a wide smile and leaned up against one of the countertops. His eyes followed her as she fetched her speaker, and put on some music. Sterling himself started to work on the apples, asking her if she wanted them peeled or not before he would start cutting them. He couldn’t really fuck up apples, could he?

”The prettiest assistant that you could ever ask, but don’t get the Union on my ass for letting you help without your shirt on” she joked, trying to repress the bad feeling in her stomach with a smile and good vibes instead. Might not be the best way of dealing with it, but better than not to deal with it at all, right? She instructed him in the way she wanted the apple cut. Luckily, she was one of those persons that liked it with the skin on. Like her grandmother had always told, it was there all the flavour was. Especially those apples that you picked yourself because they had gotten so much sun, that you could taste it. So to speak.

She finally had a nice dough as she looked towards Sterling’s progress “Oh, you have something, right there” her fingers smeared in flour glided down his skin. She giggled like a school girl as she lifted her hands up and winked at him, moving to the sink to wash her fingers, before putting the dough in the form so she could put it in the oven to prebake before putting in the apples and closing it off with a dough lid.

Sterling couldn’t help but chuckle as she commented on him being her assistant. “I won’t,” he assured her with a wide smile on his lips. It almost seemed like she skipped over a little light from the fight she just had had with her ex-boyfriend, but he let it just be a reminder to himself that she was either suppressing it for later, or simply a person who quickly passed through traumas.

Sterling looked towards her as she talked to him about having something somewhere, and almost as he looked at her, she smeared flour onto his dark skin. He opened his mouth, surprised that she had just put flour on his clean face. She moved towards the sink, and he already knew that it was to clean her hands. Did she really think she would be getting away with that so easily? “You little-!” A great playful smile appeared on his lips as he with quick steps approached the counter top she had been working at and dipped his wet hands in the residue flour on the counter top, before he continued over to wrap one of his hands around her, causing a flour mark right above her hip and his other hand sought towards her cheek to smear flour onto her golden skin. He was laughing and tried to pull her away from the sink.

Yes, she really did think it would be that easy to just get away with it. Apparently, she was wrong, very wrong. A slight laughing scream left her as he suddenly pulled her around from behind, his hand on her hip and the other one smearing over her face with the sticky goo. Then she understood that she had underestimated just how playful Sterling actually could be. “No, mercy!” she laughed, turning around grabbing the water tap, that luckily for her was able to be pulled out, almost like a hose. She turned the water on and sprayed towards him, she grabbed some more flower by turning them around and smeared it down his throat. She did stop there though, her hand on his throat. The other on had let go of the water tap and held on to his shoulder. Her breath came shallow and uneven as her eyes caught his. She couldn’t remember when she had been laughing like she had been doing right now. How good it felt, but also the tension building up, just like when she had found him beside her in her bed. She cleared her throat and gave him a smile as she got out of his grip “Sorry, let me clean that up for you” she took a cloth and took of the flour mixed with water off his face.

Sterling couldn’t help but continue to laugh when she also laughed. She begged for mercy, and he was about to tell her that he wasn’t merciful when she suddenly grabbed the tap and turned it on, spraying water on him, try and turn them around so he wouldn’t get sprayed, though it was with no real success. She reached the flower and smeared some onto his throat making him groan happily quickly to be replaced with a laughter. She let go of the tap and they suddenly stood very close, both gasping a little for air because they had been laughing and trying to trick each other. His eyes caught hers, and even though he hadn’t really felt any tension before, he felt it now. Tension thick enough to slice. He smiled gladly, with that illegal smile of his.
She pulled away from his grip and he let her grab the cloth, only to return and try and remove the mixture from his face. His smile had faded, but he still looked happily at her, and while she looked so concentrated, he got the opportunity to take in every feature of her. Every single freckle, how the hairs of her brows turned, how her lashes crossed each other, framing her eyes, how her lips were formed and each little old and quite invisible scar from when she had been younger. Many of these things were things that people never noticed about each other, because they never really got the time to study each other – because they went straight for the passion. His hand grabbed the hand which was removing the mixture from his face, so he could look into her eyes, and when her eyes looked at him he would pull on a slightly brighter smile. “Please, don’t forget that you’re beautiful,” he spoke softly, and for a moment he felt like the space between them got smaller, but maybe it was all just in his mind.

She didn’t really realize how close they were standing, nor how he was looking at her. She didn’t think about how the tip of her tongue pressed out between her lips while she ever so concentrated and carefully removed the flour that she had smeared over his dark skin. She could feel how her heart had been beating a little bit faster, how a tingling feeling had spread from her center of the body to her fingertips. But it was first when he took ahold of her hand that was working, that her eyes looked into his. Almost swallowed by the dark brown that looked almost golden in the light from her lamps. She swallowed a lump that had been placed in her throat, as she tried to figure out what it was that he wanted. What that look meant, and more so what his words meant as they rolled over his tongue. Beautiful. A small smile formed on her lips; it was kind of him to make sure that she was alright after what had happened. “Thank you” a small voice left her, as she felt how it was like invisible strings pulled her closer. It was only just before their lips would meet that she pulled away a soft giggle left her. “It’s really kind of you to say” she had kissed him yesterday, and that had been such a mistake. Because it wasn’t what their relationship was about, so she wasn’t about to do it all over again. Putting herself in a situation where she would be pulled in and just let down. She couldn’t do that one more time.

They had been so close to let their lips meet again, feeling each other’s breath on the others skin. But she pulled away, laughing a little. “Yeah,” He exhaled and pulled on a short smile. Even though feelings hadn’t really blossomed, there was some kind of defeated feeling over this. Maybe she had been right. Maybe he had been the one everyone had their eyes on, and he had just been able to pick whoever was on the top shelf. It was incredible how he somehow learned something about himself.
It might be stupid, but he let the tension get the better of him. He didn’t wish for her to pull away. His gooey hands found their way to her cheeks and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. He made sure to step close to her, and if he could, he would even turn them, so her back was against the counter. Okay, this was stupid. Because as of right now, he actually didn’t have the right feelings to allow himself to step into the deep waters, but it just felt so welcoming and like home. Something which he had been missing even more, now that both his siblings hadn’t been home for a long time, though one of them he had already gotten in contact with again.

She was just about to ask if they should get the pie in the oven, as his hands found her cheeks, and before she could even think to ask what he was doing, she felt his lips pressed towards hers. It took her no time to close her eyes, letting his lips overwhelm her and she herself reciprocated to the kiss. Maybe it was the way it comforted her, how her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer. How her back hit the counter of kitchen table. She shouldn’t allow herself to think so far, letting the old Jade that had been so madly in love with Sterling take over. Thinking that maybe, just maybe he had been harboring the same feelings for her back in the day. How stupid the brain could be, how it could be overtaken by the moment and how the heart sang feeling another person so close. But why else would he kiss her? Right, there had to be something, not just a fleeting moment because he wanted too – no. It was like her brain woke up, as the silenced scream finally broke through the wall. She pulled away, heaving for air, her eyes looking at his to search for the truth in them. “Why?” she asked softly, just wanting to know what this meant. Why had he done it? Just to let her beating heart feel a moment of peace. Because he wouldn’t be that cruel, would he?

She kissed him back and his hands slid a bit into her hair and a little down her neck to hold her close. Being humans on the other hand, meant that they had to stop to breathe. He opened his eyes slowly, but not fully. His eyes rested on her lips for a moment. They seemed a little plumber and with a greater color to them. Their breathing mixed and she asked the dangerous question he hadn’t expected. He closed his eyes, regretting his action immediately. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” he apologized, pulling a little away. “Sorry,” he said frowning a bit of himself and moved over to the sink to was his hands and hoped they could put away what had just happened, because as of right now, he was ashamed.

It took everything in her not to start to cry. “No, don’t apologize, its fine, it was, the heat of the moment right? No harm done” she said with a cheery voice, trying so very hard not to ruin the atmosphere.
Of course you stupid fool, it was never about you. A soft smile formed on her lips, masking the pain hat was spreading so violently in her body that it was very hard not to be swept away in it. He pulled away, started to wash his hands which gave her an excuse to look away, moving her head a little up so she could force the tears to stop from forming in the corners in her eyes. Of all the things he could have done, he had might done what would cause her the greatest pain of all. Giving her hope, and now, now she had to pretend that it was alright. There was a piercing feeling in her fingertips as she took the board with the cut apples and walked towards the pie she had been making. She poured them in while mixing it around with cinnamon and other ingredients. She made the lid and turned and placed it in the oven. “I’ll just go and wash my hands in the bathroom for a moment” she said still with a smile on her lips, as she walked towards the bathroom and slowly closed the door. She turned around, and as soon as she was only, tears started to glide down her cheeks.

He didn’t want her to apologize, and he wished to tell her that he had acted without thought, but she said it herself and the way she said it, it was so visible for him that he had hurt her. Shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Even though it was so clear that she tried to keep the atmosphere good, he could feel that it was off in so many ways.

Even though he focused on his hands, he could see how she looked away and up. He had seen it so many times before. She took the apples he had cut and put them in, and finished the pie, putting it in the oven. He looked towards her as she said she would just wash her hands in the bathroom. He turned of the tab in the sink as he was done himself and was about to tell her that she could just use this one, when he noticed how she was walking. It looked tense and like she felt pressured to keep something at bay. He dried his hands and turned his back to the sink to massage his eyes for a moment. He had been so foolish.

He approached the door and listened for a moment before he opened the door, seeing her cry. “No, Jade,” he said and approached to give her a hug, and if she tried to fight it, he would try and grab her hands, until he could get to her and fold his arms all around her in an embrace and let his right hand support the back of her head. He hushed lowly, trying to comfort her.

She had turned away from the door, walking towards the sink to try to wash her hands. But she just ended up grabbing the edge of it instead. Feeling how the hurt washed over her. It was just too much, with yesterday, this morning and now that he had kissed her and of course he hadn’t meant to do it. What a stupid, stupid fool she was. She clearly just wasn’t lovable in the end, at least it took them quicker to notice. She looked up, almost startled as the door opened. She realized she had forgotten to lock it, and now he saw how tears glided down her cheeks. It only made it worse, as he told her no. He let his hand glide out to take her into his embrace, she didn’t need that. He couldn’t do that “Stop” she tried as she pushed his arms away, but he kept insisting until his arms was folded around what seemed right now her very small body. Her arms was folded in front of her chest, almost to protect herself from him coming to close. The comforting didn’t work, at this point it only made it worse. “Stop, Sterling, please” she tried in a little more raised voice, only settling in his arms a moment before she tried to get out of them. “It only makes it worse, please don’t” she wailed feeling how her tears came down with more force than before.

Her words didn’t stop him from putting his arms around her and try to embrace her. She clearly didn’t want the embrace the way she had folded her arms in front of her self so they didn’t stand that close. She told him to stop, raising her voice a little. The way she settled in his arms for a moment, gave him a slight feel of comfort, but she quickly tried to move out of the embrace again. He hushed at her again as she begged him to stop. “It’s okay,” he breathed.
Slowly he let go of her but made sure that she didn’t step away from him, letting his arms rest on her shoulders. “You’re not going to stand out here and cry alone, okay?” he said and let one of his hands dry away a tear from her cheek. “Come on,” he said and grabbed her still dirty hands and started to pull her out from the bathroom and towards the stairs. “We agreed on relaxing, right?” he reminded her and if he got all the way upstairs, he would invite her to sit down on the couch and find a blanket to put over her. “Don’t blame yourself, I’m the douchebag here,” he assured her.

Nothing of this helped her, it really didn’t. He only came across so nice, warm, and so easy to fall for all over again. After that he had just kissed her, clearly without the intent to put anything into it. Just because of the moment, and it was clear that he didn’t quite understand why, or just how much it hurt her. Everything he did, just caused her more pain, she knew he wanted to try to make everything a little better for her. But, in reality he just showed her what she could never have. Or at least, not like her heart or brain wanted to have right now. She just needed a moment to calm herself down, and he was not providing that to her. Not sure if she would be able to relax or not, she let him pull her out of the bathroom, upstairs on the couch. I’m the douchebag. Her lip started to quiver again, the whole situation just felt a little to familiar. “Isn’t the first time I’ve heard that” she tried to smile and laugh a little. Because it wasn’t “I was in a relationship with this guy, five years, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, it was over” she gave him a small smile, trying to dry off her tears and then looked down at her hands. “I, I just, need a moment” her voice became much more quieter as she closed them, trying not to let herself fall into another fit of crying.

Sterling got a frown on his face as Jade’s lips started to quiver. He wasn’t able to read her mind, but he certainly didn’t know what he did wrong. But she made it easy, she explained what was happening. She had heard something similar before and she had been with a guy for five years when it suddenly was over. He could feel how his heart sunk and his stomach made knots on itself. Sterling had been the worst. If he had just known. He pulled his hands away from her, so she got some rest from his touch. “Sorry, I didn’t know,” he said softly and pulled away and stood up before he sat down next to her, but with a distance great enough for him not to be able to touch her just like that. He didn’t know if his simple presence would be enough to make things worse, but no matter what he didn’t feel like any of this helped her. If he was too close she felt like she was left with hope about nothing, and if he left… Well, then she was indeed left with nothing. The only thing that he was so certain about, was that he didn’t want to see her cry. He wanted to break the silence and ask her if there was anything he could do to help, but it was just a mean cycle.

She didn’t want to make him feel bad for something he hadn’t known about. But on the other hand, he shouldn’t have kissed her if he just wanted to feel sorry about it afterwards. It stung again, in her whole body as he moved away and sat down in the couch. The tears kept coming and her fingers tried its best jut to move them away feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation. Maybe she should just try to sleep? Curling up inside the blanket she looked up and saw how rain was coming down again. The loft window provided the room with the almost silent tapping noise from the drops of water that fell on the glass. She wanted to say something to comfort him, but at this point, everything hurt, and she was afraid that if she said anything. The words wouldn’t be as kind. Who would have thought that such a simple gesture could break down walls in her heart? Maybe it had been the fact that it hadn’t just been a small peak on the lips. It had been with passion, pushed up against the counter. Mixing breaths as they had to come up for air. The worst part, it just kept repeating in her head, over and over. Like a relentless movie scene that wouldn’t leave her alone. She closed her eyes, and a small sob left her as she curled into a small ball letting the feeling just overtake her because she had no idea what else to do.

It would be a lie to say it was nice just so sit next to Jade in the couch. But she was crying because he had stepped on feelings carelessly. He hadn’t wished to do that. He cared for Jade and seeing her cry made him realize just how much he cared. He could hear how she curled up in the couch with the blanket and noticed how she looked up at the rain. It was quite calming to listen and watch, but it still didn’t mute her sobs and sniffles. She curled up even further and he felt so useless just sitting there and listening to her. For a moment he thought about going downstairs and check on the pie, but he knew that it wasn’t done and he didn’t really want to leave her alone. He turned his torso a bit towards her, “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” he wondered and moved a little closer. He really wanted to embrace her and make her feel safe and he didn’t really know if it was because he was a hunter or if he actually had undiscovered feelings for her.

It was almost like a loaded question. Not that she knew how to explain to him, what he could do. Take the kiss back? Tell her that he had no feelings for her, and never would get any. Killing the slight hope that had been able to ignite in her chest, that had blossomed as he had kissed her. She had no idea how to stop her bleeding heart, but she managed to get her tears somewhat under control. “I just think it’s the whole thing with Daniel, don’t blame yourself so much, it just took me off guard, that’s all” she whispered sitting up again, pulling the blanket around her. Her hand found its way underneath its warm fortress and found his, giving it a small squeeze. Her teary eyes found his, and she managed to pull a soft smile for him. Because in truth, he couldn’t do anything. And that was just the truth of it all.

He shook his head a little as she said it was the whole thing with Daniel and that had brought her out of her shell. “I don’t believe you, Jade,” he replied and got a little closer to her. Maybe she had been caught off guard, but he didn’t believe it was ‘just’ the thing with Daniel. He let his hand fold around hers as she seemed to want to hold his hand, at least for a moment. He looked up at her as she smiled and he pulled a little sad smile too. “I’m sorry Jade. I can’t just sit here and watch you cry.” He started to pull her closer with the hand he held, “You mean too much to me to be allowed to just sit there by yourself,” he said and put his arms around her, even though he had tried earlier with no success, he believed that at some point she would find the comfort she needed in his arms. That was his goal for now. “You’re going to stay right here until it’s time for pie, okay?” he said and pulled her legs over his to hold her close.

He didn’t believe her. To be true had she been in his situation, she wouldn’t have believed her either. This time she let him pull her closer, felt how his arms folded around her body. She breathed out still feeling the pain that roamed in her heart about her feelings and not understanding where he was going with hers. At the end she let herself snuggle into his arms and pressed her head against his chest closing her eyes. A soft chuckle left her “I forgot how stubborn you can get Sterling” she whispered, against his still naked skin. She felt the small bumps from his many scars that was all over his skin. She breathed out, thinking about how she should proceed. Explain herself, or just change the subject? “Where did you even get all of these scars? They look almost like a ritual, like they do in an African tribe to look like crocodiles, but I don’t remember your family to be particular ritual ridden. Or am I remembering things incorrectly?” she asked, letting her fingers slightly glide over some of them. It felt like an excellent way for pushing her own feelings down and not thinking about what had just transpired between them. Go back to what they had always been, friends.

Even though it had been a failure before, hugging her, it seemed like it was going better this time, with her actually snuggling herself into his arms. He made sure to hold her close. He pulled a little smile as she was reminded of how stubborn he could be, “Yeah, it gets me far,” he chuckled lightly. Both with hunting, opinions and other interesting assignments.
He looked down at her, and then onto his scars as she commented on them. “Well, these scars are particularly special for my family,” he said and continued to remind himself that he needed more when he got home. “I don’t know if you figured it out, but I’m a hunter. And my family has in a very long time given a scar for every kill made on a hunt,” he took a deeper breath in. It was certainly difficult to explain to someone who wasn’t known to the ways. Now his scars might seem brutal, but when he was with the hunters of his family, he carried them with pride. “They resemble how great of a hunter you are,” he tried to explain. “You probably haven’t seen any on my parents since they usually covered themselves up,” he elaborated. He knew that his parents had some scars, but Sterling had indeed taken a leap compared to them. He considered if he should explain the stories behind some of them, even though plenty of them didn’t have that much history, just like the ones he was going to get soon enough.

Hunter? Well yes, she had thought about why he was at the cabins last night. And the thing about the bears, so she had theorized that it might be something like rangers that needed to control when animals went amok. But kills? That – was, that was a lot of kills. She looked at him not understanding as he kept going, she crawled a little out of his arms, even though he had told her that she would stay there until the pie was done. And after her best knowledge the pie was not done yet. “Wait, back up, your parents are hunters? But they, they are rich? So, hunters, are the poachers that goes to Africa and shots animals there and gets scars from each of those kills?” she asked, her brows pressing more and more together as she tried to make things make sense. She breathed, maybe she was just confused because of everything else. “There are easily over a hundred scars on you, have you killed over hundred animals? Just like the ones yesterday?” her eyes widened “are you telling me there is like a pandemic going on, and that’s why?” she shook her head and bit down her lip “Sorry, I’m just bombarding you with all of these questions, I’m just, not really following” she breathed out, at least it had worked and she wasn’t thinking about Daniel, nor their kiss or her feelings that was blooming for him in her chest. She was if anything, just really confused.