The face of horror [CW]

DATE 15 of March 2021
WEATHER rainy and coldish
PLACE Motel Alexis Capri
ATTIRE Outfit

The rain fell slowly from the skies, and wetted the pavement, people were pushing to get through the crowd to get quicker towards their destination while umbrellas in different shapes and colors was used to ward off the tendinous raindrops, in hopes of not getting totally soaked. “Excuse me” a hoarse female voice asked, as she pushed through two men that didn’t seem to move so she could get by. How funny how it came so natural to her, to slip back into that British mentality, one should have thought that spending such a huge amount of time in the united states of America would rip that out of her, but it was so strong in her upbringing as well that being anything but polite just wasn’t and option. Her handbag started vibrating, as and as she started looking for it a person bumped into her shoulder, and she dropped her umbrella, what a disaster she was already late and now she was also going be soaking wet. “Elena Ahlers” she answered and started walking faster towards the meeting point; “Yes I know, that’s, no I will not commit to these terms, because we didn’t agree on those terms, and you will learn that you don’t try to screw me over, Jackson!” she hissed and hung up, amateurs did they really think they could fuck her over? She looked up and realized that people were thinning out, it was clear this was the Southside, as people were hiding in the shadows instead of walking around out in the open.

Finally, she came to her destination Motel Alexis Capri, she took a deep breath it didn’t look like much when you looked from the outside, but it was out of the way and she could conduct her business there without the fear of someone overhearing. Or at least that was the rumor, and the people she wanted the go into partnership with for a brief time, suggested it so it always showed extra commitment when you just went a little over your comfort zone. She walked up towards the reception and knocked on the window; “I have a meeting, names Ahlers?” the woman behind the window nodded and fished after a key for her and handed it to her “Down to your right second hall to your left” she told with an annoying monotone voice, Elena quickly looked over the security which made her well-shaped brown glide a little up, intriguing.

Slowly Elena walked down the halls, her six sense, or gut feeling started pulling in her telling her to get the hell out. But as so many times before she didn’t listen, just put her hand behind her jacket and checked that her gun was still there, slowly took the safety of, so she was prepared.
She put the key in the door, with a deep breath she turned it and open the door, waiting for whatever was behind it. Something told her that it would not be the people she was meeting.
“You got to be kidding me” she whispered in her British accent, and took him in. After all these years, it had to be him, really?

June 27, 1963. That was the last time he had seen her. His wife. Left without as much as an explanation. All she’d gotten was a goodbye note on their kitchen table. And even that he'd been hesitant to give. Because what difference would it make? Still, it had felt important for him to tell her to not come after him, and so he'd decided to write it. Ever since that day they had been apart. Calvin had not pursued her for this long because he knew that nothing good would come out of it. Yet… when he’d heard that a woman named Elena Ahlers had a meeting at his motel. That she was here of all places. He simply had to see her. He’d lied to her business contacts, told them that he'd just gotten off a call with her and that she'd canceled their meeting. And it had worked. But even if it hadn’t, he would have waited on her.

He stood in the empty room, looking at a painting on the wall above the dresser. He hadn’t had time to question the people she was supposed to meet, but for whatever reason she had set up the meeting, he was intrigued to learn more. Wondering what she was planning. She had always been very industrious, so it didn’t surprise him. But if it wasn’t related to the organization, which it wasn’t, because he had gotten back in contact with them in the '90s. This being the whole reason he’d moved to Gaia. Then he couldn't exactly guess what it revolved around.
The moment the door clicked open he turned his head, anticipating her reaction to seeing him. Even if nothing truly could prepare him for this. For a moment he just stared at her frame in the doorway, as if it was nothing but a mirage. But he knew it wasn't. He quickly smiled. Masking any emotion that his face had expressed when he’d first laid his eyes upon her. “It’s great to see you too,” he responded with the same accent he'd had when they'd been together. He neared her and closed the door so she wouldn’t give in to any instinct telling her to run. Her hair was partly soaked from the rain, something had delayed her, and now she was, probably, with one of the last people that she’d want to see. It wouldn’t be so odd if she preferred the idea of leaving. “I told your partners that you’ve postponed the meeting until tomorrow.” He turned around, now standing between the door and her. “I take it you didn’t know I run this place.” Her facial expression had said as much. But if she had settled down in Gaia, they would have probably met sooner or later.

Air from the dusty motel room was sharply drawn into her mouth, how should she react? Here he stood after all these years.
June 27, 1963, she had meet him an autumn in the 1948, then he had taken her breath away too, but in no such manner as of right now. No, she had been blinded by him, how he acted, how he carried himself that meeting had giving her fifteen years of marriage, and all he had given had been a note; Don’t follow me. That had been it, and now he stood there having the audacity to say that it was great to see her again? But for some reason she couldn’t get herself to move, as he went behind her and closed the door, so he had done that? Of course, he had, because in the world of Calvin, you were just a pawn to be moved around with. If he didn’t see a beneficial connection any longer then you were out faster than you could blink.
As she turned around to look him in the eye, she breathed as had she just forgot how to. Chills run down her spine, so many emotions started to prickle under her skin, and as much as she just wanted to yell and hit him, a small part also wanted to press her lips against his. He had been the one person she had given everything to, gone out of her way to make him comfortable

Her fingers folded inwards and formed two fists “What is it you want Calvin?” she asked with a raspy voice, she didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t dare to move, to think to ask anything else, afraid what it would lead to if she did. She hated him so much, all he stood for everything he had done to her. Because she hadn’t listened, of course she had followed, to New Jersey, watched as he had found a new girl. How he had killed, acted as if he didn’t have another life - everything she had seen from the shadows, observing her husband forgetting all about her. And then she had left, left in more pieces than he had left, vowing never to let her be captured by anyone like that again. What a joke.

It was surreal in many ways. Standing here with her after all this time. After 58 years. He tilted his head as he looked into her eyes, trying to see if he could sense what she was feeling. Instead, he caught himself falling into the sapphire blues that he'd stared into so many times. But this time was different. In them was something that hadn't been there before. A part of him had hoped that she’d gotten over it. Continued her life as if it had never happened. And for all he knew, she had. Because she’d done what he’d asked in that note and let him go. At least, this was the version of the story that he’d told himself. That even if she had been hurt by his decision, she’d swiftly moved on. Elena had already been through so many hardships in her life. Calvin knew he’d only added onto that pain through their time together, but he also knew that he’d brought her joy. Feelings that outweighed all the bad. And so, she’d stayed with him despite it all.

“I just want to talk,” he replied. What he wanted apart from that; he wasn’t so sure. But he didn’t want to dig up any thoughts or emotions regarding it either. He knew he’d come here out of curiosity of her business in Southside. However, that alone wasn't why he'd decided on seeing her. “I was hoping you’d tell me what that meeting was about.” Avoiding the past altogether wasn't going to work in the long run, but to him, there was no point in talking about it. No resolution to come out of it. Not unless he thought it'd grant him some sort of benefit.

A small laugh left her nose, as he said he just wanted to talk “that’s about 58 years too late” she said with a hushed voice, rolling her eyes as she walked over to a small sofa and sat down. With one leg over the other she took out her pistol and placed it on the coffee table, “But if you desire to get anything out of me Calvin, you might want to find something to loosen my tongue, like a nice scotch or something like that” her smile was almost charming and warm, as her blue eyes found their way back to him. 58 years was indeed a long time, but as he stood there in front of her, wasn’t it like much had changed, his air might be a little shorter? But it was the same clean-cut suit, his hair was put together no strain was out of place, everything about him stood in sharp contrast to the motel they were in. Her own hair was much longer than before, her style had changed so much from her feminine style in dresses, her hair curled up, almost like she was a doll in the time they had been together. Now there was an edge to her face, no longer blueeyed and innocent, a thing she had carried with her for so long, even after her many years locked away under a church.

No, she was a businesswoman, a calculated bitter woman, or bitch if you needed to put into one word, that didn’t bow down to anyone – not anymore, she was done playing the nice kid on the street, when it clearly didn’t get her any were. To say the last couple of months had been hell, was a very fine understatement. And she was done.

“Hm,” he muttered. He could see how it seemed like a joke to her. That he should have talked to her back then. But to him, there had been a good reason for why he hadn't. She might not see it that way, of course. But he had not just abandoned her and the organization for nothing. Elena was the first and only girl he’d ever been able to see himself settling down with. For a guy like Calvin that counted for a lot. He followed her movements as she casually sat down on a sofa and placed a pistol on the table. Like him, she’d a long time ago learned that people weren’t to be trusted, and so she was most likely armed most places she went.

He nodded to her request of scotch before he walked over to a telephone and dialed the reception. If anything, he could use a strong drink himself. “Hey, Darleen. I’d like a bottle of Glenmorangie Signet, two glasses, no ice.” He hung up the phone as he returned his eyes to her. Calvin was a man of luxury, so it was no surprise that he'd ordered an expensive bottle of liquor. Yet, he hadn’t spent many pennies on the motel. He hadn’t bothered to fix the cracks in the floorboards or replaced the wallpaper. What he’d cared about most of all was growing his emporium and as long as he got richer, he didn’t care much for the state of the motel. But more than that, it made it more accessible to crime. Many of the people who came to him, wanting to use his motel for various purposes, wouldn’t exactly be able to afford much nicer places. And its darkness and bad reputation ensured that lawful people usually stayed away.

“So, how long have you been in Gaia?” he asked, attempting with a less prying question. A little later a knock on the door was heard and he walked over to open it, taking the serving tray from an employee before he shut the door and placed it on the coffee table. He picked up the bottle and opened it before he poured the amber liquid into each glass. Then he raised one of them to his lips to have a sip. Standing for just a moment longer. “Do you want me to take your coat?” he asked as he placed the glass back on the table.

The worst thing was the more she looked at him, it was like it took her back to then, when her feelings for him was noting near the resentment that build like her fire in her stomach. It wasn’t helping at all, none of this was okay. “You remember my preferences, that’s something I guess” she took a deep breath, felt how her chest rose and then fell again. Her deep-sea blue eyes found their way back to him, as her head slightly glided to the left; how long had she been here?
“This time? A couple of months, and I’m already seriously contemplating on skipping town, to be honest it’s not a kind city” she said nonchalant, her eyes followed him as he opened the door, even as she saw that it was a new bottle something in her didn’t really want to drink something from his hand. But it was damn good drink that he offered her, so as he had put the glass in front of her, she took a small sip, the smooth flavor instantly hit her, and she felt back into what they had been. Last time she had felt those notes on her tongue had been on their patio, the warm wind caressing her cheeks as he had put it in front of her, some good had happened at work that day she remembered as he had kissed her temple and sat down beside her with a smile.
Do you want me to take your coat? she was ripped out of the memory as his voice reached her, slowly she looked up towards him, a small smile that played on her plum lips, she put her glass down and stood up. Even as every fiber in her body told her not to turn her back to him, she did just that, “Be careful of the knives” she whispered with her hoarse fry accent, a slight joking aspect to it as well.
Her eyes glided over her shoulder as she looked at him; “How long had you been here managing the motel?”

Truth was, he still remembered most things about her. He was reminded of her much more than he’d like to admit. Sometimes he’d even wake up in the middle of the night, wondering why he'd let someone like her go. Then hating himself for even thinking that. To succumb to that sort of weakness. Because that was all feelings were to him. A weakness. He caught her glance as she replied to his question, considering why she’d say that. Elena usually wasn’t one for preferring nice, and she hadn’t exactly surrounded herself with kind back in New York. So, something bad had to have happened for her to say that. “I hope I can make you seriously contemplate staying then.” He knew that they’ve had their quarrels, but if they could get past that, he didn’t see what was stopping them from forming something great. She could say what she wanted about him, but she couldn’t deny that they had been a great team back then. They’d had an almost perfect succession rate in their missions for the organization. However, he still couldn’t quite shake the thought of why it hadn’t been a kind city to her. “Has something bad happened?” It wouldn’t surprise him if there had. Gaia roamed with monsters and evil. But he had a feeling that it could as well be about something else entirely. Bad memories, perhaps.

He stepped closer to her once she got up from her seat, his hands reaching around her sides to grab the edge of the coat fabric. His lips curved at the remark of the knives before he leaned closer to her ear. “It’s almost as if you knew you’d meet me,” he whispered jokingly. Seeing how she’d first pulled the gun out and now warned him of knives. Although, of course, she hadn’t needed to use any of that on him. He slowly pulled the coat off her when she asked him a question, looking at him over her shoulder. “I took over as manager in ’98,” he replied as he finished taking off her coat, briefly glancing down her figure before he walked over to the coat rack. “Ray contacted me in ’95. Offered me a deal I couldn’t refuse. Told me business was booming in England and that he'd up my pay by 15% if I emigrated to take care of it.” Besides, he had killed quite the amount of people back in Richmond, either as part of his experiments or otherwise, so it had seemed like a great time for him to move on. Ray was a guy from the criminal organization that they both had worked at. He took off his suit jacket and hung it beside her coat before he walked towards the sofa and sat down. He picked up the glass of scotch and leaned back. “It’s not just a cover for whitewashing either. It’s genuinely turned out to be the perfect place to run my business. Southside has so many criminals, drug addicts, and unholy beings. And the best part is that they're willing to pay me a great deal to conduct any of that here.” He took a sip of the scotch as he thought of just how prosperous this move had been for him.

She wouldn’t think that his presents here would help the case of her staying, but somehow there was something about his voice that piqued her interest, why would he want her to keep her here? It wasn’t until she realized on her own, that it was for business reasons, what else would it be? They had been a great team; she had just thought it hadn’t only been workwise but also in their home as a couple. How wrong she had been. “I’ll tell you another time, maybe” she pushed his question about if something bad had happened, when she was still contemplating if he needed to know, or if she was even willing to give him that information. Of course, something bad had happened, he had been too arrogant and that had cost her a good portion of her sanity. And then there was the fact that a crazy woman had been able to sneak up behind her, shooting her not only once, but nine times.

As his mellow voice reached her ear, she praised the fact he couldn’t really see her face. Her eyes had just for a second closed as a chill had spilled over her, like a bucket of ice-cold water, how could such a simple thing as his voice, wake so many emotions that her body could do nothing but react? As the wet coat was of her body, she turned around again he was not that much taller than her, like other people. She made a sound as to telling him, she was still listening as she sat down again, now scotch in hand.


Her blue eyes followed his movements as he walked back to her and sat down beside her. It might had been easier if they just talked about nothing had happened, as he walked her through why he had moved here or immigrated as he said. But her question was just on tip of her tongue, and as more words left his mouth this harder was it to pretend “Why?” she finally asked and looked towards him “Was it because I wasn’t interesting anymore? Because I couldn’t fulfill your desires anymore? I, I can’t do this, I know you don’t really care, that it doesn’t matter to you because you took a decision and then there is no reason to actually talk about it – Damn it Calvin!” she was wan octave from screaming, but she somehow managed to keep it under control. She stood up and walked around the room. “You broke me!” she finally hissed and turned towards him “because of you, I’ve destroyed every relationship I’ve ever had! Because it’s better just to let people go before they have a change to leave me, just like you did!” a psychiatrist would maybe say that one should never blame someone for their own mistakes, but this was the truth – he was that torn in her heart, that just didn’t want to be removed.

Calvin understood why she wouldn’t want to talk about it. Let alone with him. Even if it did little to settle his curiosity. But just like he wanted to know about her business in Southside, it appeared that he’d have to be patient. The moment he looked at her it was clear to tell that something else was on her mind. Something that was confirmed when she asked the question he knew would arrive sooner or later. Why? The tone in her voice already revealed what it was about. And as she continued, Calvin slowly placed the glass back on the table and swiped his thumb across his lower lip. A vague furrow of his brow appeared once she asked if it was because she couldn’t fulfill his desires. He felt a pit in his stomach thinking that for all this time, she’d thought this to be the issue and reason for his departure. “No,” he said, frowning further about the idea. Of course, he knew he was arrogant, cold, emotionally distant, and a cheater, and why she might think that he’d simply lost interest. But it wasn’t true. “You think it was easy for me to have to make that decision?” he asked with a raised voice. He had been with her for fifteen years. And truthfully, part of that had been because of how smitten she’d been with him. How easily he’d been able to manipulate her into doing things because back then he had only cared about himself. But as time moved on, it hadn’t been all manipulation and pretend. He’d allowed himself to feel things for her. And as much as he hated himself for that. It had also been the reason he’d looked back on their memories with longing. To him, she had been the one. And he’d not been able to find anyone that even came close to give him what she had.

He scoffed as she accused him of breaking her, moving his gaze from her to the painting as she explained that because of him, she destroyed every relationship she’d had. He then returned his eyes to her. “Well, perhaps I did you a favor then.” If she was the one doing the hurting, at least that saved her from hurt down the road. And besides, who really needed relationships? He’d certainly been doing fine without them for most of his life. He got up from his seat to take a few steps closer to her. He still didn’t see the point of explaining his decision, but since he wanted them to reconcile, it seemed like the least he could do. “I left because The Mafia threatened to murder you if I didn’t leave the organization and New York that night.” His chest tightened as he was reminded of it. How he'd packed the bare minimum and left the house to drive to the border where a couple of members of the mob waited on him, wanting to make sure that he officially left. Of course, there had been a lot leading up to the threat, including a few incidents of blackmail, none of which she knew about, and because of his front-role in the organization, the enemies knew exactly who he was. Luckily, they just didn’t know that his wife was a part of the organization as well. And had he stayed; they’d most definitely planned to have him assassinated. “I couldn’t tell you why I left because I knew you’d convince me to stay. Just hearing your voice telling me would have been enough. And I would have thought I could handle them. But truth is, neither of us would have been safe. We’d had to move and I didn’t want you to have to go through that.”

“Fuck you” she whispered on her breath. Did her a favor? No, he absolutely had not. But then again, he wouldn’t understand, she knew that in his twisted mind thought she could get rid of people before they betrayed her. But it hurt her more to be the root of other people’s pain. She could see that even more now when she was back in Gaia, for just a moment she had been happy with Jack. But then reality had hit her. So many people resented her, of course with good reason. Especially Victoria had all the reasons to never talk to her again. But she had hoped that she would at least give her a chance, just to tell what had happened. But she had yet to even get that chance because none of the people she knew from back then wanted her back. Most of all they just wanted her out of Jack’s life. In truth it would only be a matter of time before Jack would tell her to leave, because he would have to open his eyes and see she didn’t deserve his good heart. And this time she had to stay for the heartbreak because she had made a promise. A Promise to stay with him. To make things better and to make it up to him. Her heart had already been torn into pieces, as she had seen him with the beautiful blond looking girl. How she had looked at him, and him at her. In the end, she should just had stayed away. Not let her own selfish reason drive her back into his arms.

She just loved him so much. But apparently not enough to let him go, because all she wanted was him. Jack. But she had to stop making other people the base of her own disturbed problems. She had betrayed them, she had left, she was the one at fault. And now she had to pay the price, just as Calvin had to.

She stood there looking at him not really believing it first, the mafia had threatened to murder her. At first her eyes went cold. As if they weren’t looking at anything. Her mind started raising while turning the new information in her head. So, he had left her to protect her life, knowing that she would have begged him to stay or at least that they could find a solution. He was right of course. Had he told her that the mafia had threatened him, she would have firstly threatened them back. Elena Ahlers’ was not the normal damsel in distress, and after her work at the KGB after he had left her, she had become even more deadly.
“And what do you want me to say to that?” she said with a deep slow voice, her eyes finally looking back towards him. Her normally bright blue eyes had a dangerous dark glow to it. She was minutes away from just leaving, was this a trick to make her care again? She took a deep breath and started drinking the rest of scotch in her glass.
“I’ve meeting with some business partners, both to unravel the fact that I lost around seven years of my life – and trying to get my own team of people together” she said, trying to push her emotions away by talking about business instead. That was what he wanted right? She could almost have heard him; emotions and what could have been doesn’t matter. Maybe he was right, had she really become this cynical in her older years? There had been a time where she had been a romantic, trusted in the one. Soulmate, and all that crap. Maybe she really had him to thank for that. Maybe she should just stop loving all together, seemed like it didn’t bring her anything but pain.

He clenched his jaw as she cursed him. His comment might not have been said at the right time, but it didn't make it any less true. If one avoided relationships they equally avoided heartache. He could hardly blame her for being frustrated or angry at him, however. He had expected as much from their reunion. She could curse him to hell and back for what he had done. But in the end, he stood by his decision. And even if he didn't, there was no going back and changing it. All there was to do was move on.

Silence filled the room after his explanation, and for a moment he just looked at her, anticipating some sort of reaction. But whatever she was thinking, it didn’t seem like she’d seen that as a possible reason. The thought might not even have crossed her - that he’d done it for something that wasn't purely selfish. Her question made him furrow his brows. Did she really think he only said it to gain a specific reaction from her? Of course, only so many years of lies would make someone suspect this. But he was genuine. Sure. He wanted them to reconcile and to possibly help her. Because the thought of having her back in his life - in whatever way - he couldn’t quite describe it, but it was something he felt like he needed. “You don’t have to say anything. I already know what you would’ve said back then. And I understand that me telling you now matters little. I don’t expect it to change how you feel about me. But you were the one asking for an explanation.” He gestured with his hand towards her, reminding her that he’d only told her because she’d asked. Further proving that he didn't have any ulterior motive. Not exactly, at least. “And if it makes you feel any better, I never found love again.” She wasn’t the only one who’d failed at relationships following their break-up. She could blame that on him all she wanted. But deep down, she knew that there were many more reasons for it. Calvin had tried to be in a relationship shortly after he’d left. Found a college-girl that he dated in hopes of it replacing whatever he had with Elena. But it hadn’t worked. So instead, he’d gone back to what he knew best and let his encounters with females be mostly of sexual interest. Swearing to himself that he’d never fall for anyone again. Because those years had been messy. He’d fallen into addiction and killed on a much more frequent basis. All in an attempt to fill the void inside him. It was pathetic. But he liked to think he’d come out on the other side stronger. And he knew she had as well.

She then decided to turn the conversation to business. Avoiding to face the emotions - just like he had wanted to from the very beginning. If it wasn’t for the heavy air in the room, he might have smiled at this. “I see,” he said slowly before he backed up and sat down on the edge of the bed. Folding his hands in his lap. “Well, let me know if you need me to reach out to any contacts. I can probably find a guy for about anything.” Anything related to criminal activities, that was. “But what do you mean, you lost seven years of your life? Did the cops get you?” he asked. At least this was what made the most sense to him. He had nearly been caught back in New York wasn’t it for the fact that they’d bribed the police. Luckily the police rarely entered Southside, and if they ever did because of a new ‘suicide’ at his motel, and found something they shouldn’t, he just averted them with an illusion.

It was hard to keep her cards close to her chest. Not showing any emotions like they had taught her in KGB. Something the Russians were expert in. Don’t show weaknesses.
But that was not who Elena was deep down. When she had been with Calvin, she had shown him everything. When she was sad. When she was angry and when she was loving. She had gone from throwing vases after him, screaming at him, to kissing passionately. And now she just sat there with nothing showing on her face. Would it make her feel any better? No. Because he had left. Maybe it would be better if there wasn’t any chance of her getting back into his life. But now there wasn’t even that. She had someone though, or did she? She had said she was committed but he needed time. But even so, maybe it would just make her feel better to be the one closing that door in his face. Not only that but locking it to. Making him realise just what he left behind. But she thought against it. Calvin had it to have a lot of faces, and today it seemed like he had one of his nicer ones on. So, for her own good, she shut her mouth and just looked away.

Her eyes locked with his as he sat down in the bed starting to tell her that he could help. She didn’t need it. Didn’t want it. It would be a dangerous path to walk down. A path she knew she couldn’t handle.

She let out a slow chuckle and filled her glass again. “No” she said, or at least she didn’t think it was the cops. A small laugh left her “I was part of the KGB for a good number of years – if anyone got to me, it would be bigger fish than cops.” But even that did really fit the bill. “It’s like someone erased my memory and tried to fill it with new ones” if it hadn’t been for the fact that she had tried it before, she might not have realized it. “Have you heard about a military facility that captures special creatures and monsters with extra ordinary powers?” she asked watching his expression. It might not be up his ally, but he might have heard something. And every little clue would help at this point.

Even though he’d told her that she didn’t need to say anything, he hadn’t expected her to say nothing. For a dubious moment, he just looked at her, not recognizing the person standing in front of him. Because the Elena he knew would have done something. Anything. But all this Elena did was stare at him stoically. Of course, he could have hardly asked for a better reaction. For her to frankly not care. And so, if they could simply brush over the past, then it was fine by him. It only ensured that whatever feelings her presence evoked would stay at a minimum. And he needed that. It made it much easier to think straight.
He raised his chin as she didn’t reply to his offer of help before he parted his lips, not being the type to give up so easily. But there was only so much he could convince her of. And most of those things required a bit of trust beforehand. However, that trust wasn't just needed from her side. He realized that she might not be the same person he once knew. The ever-loyal henchwoman. So, for that reason, he needed to know more about her business and motives before so willingly offering his help. Past relation aside.

He raised his brows as she revealed that she’d been part of the KGB. It couldn’t have been further from what he’d initially imagined. “No kidding,” he scoffed. It was a powerful agency to have been part of, and he could only guess the many secrets she’d gathered during her time there. And perhaps he’d get to ask more about it another time. A time where she was willing to share more details of her story. He leaned slightly forward at her additional remark about it being like someone altered with her memories, further spiking his interest. It was something he’d many times experimented with through his illusionary- and hypnosis treatments, but he doubted that her case was comparable to that. It hardly could be when it was related to the military. “Does it feel like you have gaps in your memory from that time?” he asked to try to get a better idea of her memory loss. He took it as a good sign that she was aware of it, but he couldn’t help but wonder what it was that they’d tried to make her forget. He straightened himself at her question. “I have.” He knew of a few facilities like that. Most of them from his own experience in the military and the contacts he had with other supernatural beings at that time. And then there were some that he’d merely heard rumors of. “I worked for one in Area 49 after I returned from the war. And there are organizations that do similar things here in Gaia.” There were even organizations that didn't only work on creating new powers but whole species. After all, the Muertos virus was invented in Gaia just three years ago. “Why do you ask?”

A more confident smile crept over her lips as she saw the look in his eyes. It might not even be something he was even aware of, but just because she hated him. Hated him for what he had done to her, it was almost like finding that glove that you had loved; it had fitted like no other glove you had ever tried on, but then you lost it. Now you had gotten it back, and that feeling of finally gliding your fingers down that fabric and that perfect fit that just; you couldn’t describe it with words. The worst part for her, was that she didn’t want to feel that. She was disgusted by even having the thoughts of what it would feel like, just indulging in it. Falling back into the unknown ocean that Calvin represented for her.

She had looked away again without really noticing it, her thoughts had become more jumbled these days, at one point she could become that sharp agent that had been one of the best seen in the agency. The next she couldn’t even compile her thinking process into something that actually made sense. Deep breath, she remembered herself as her eyes slowly found their way back to his.
“Yes” she said and furrowed her brows. She hadn’t even talked to Jack about this, and she almost felt like she was betraying him. But he hadn’t really had the time for her these days. So, talking about things, wasn’t really what they did.
“But it’s not only that. Sometimes I feel like I see glimpse of it, like I don’t recognize the memories as mine, but who else could it be?” – and it isn’t pretty. But she never completed the sentence that way. She nodded, as he told her about Area 49, interesting. Funny how you could now so much about a person, and so little. She could still tell him where his freckles were on his back. All the small scars she had let her fingers glide over, when they had lied naked in their bed. But there was so many things he had done in his life, she had no idea about.

“I thought I was on to something, my researched had let me to Borys Ignatyev. He works for the umbrella company, and he has done some questionable things but” her eyes started to lose focus, as she remembered his fingers over her skin. How his punches had opened her skin, his knives that had cut down making screams leave her lips. She shouldn't had said his name, it always seemed so real when she said his name.
“And” she tried to get back on track, pushing the memories back into her mind. “But I think I’m looking for something like that, like Umbrella company I mean” she got out as a small whisper and got up on her feet. Shit she was panicking, why did it seem like the walls was closing in. “Deep breaths” she whispered not really noticing that she was saying the words in her head out loud. She walked into the table and heard her glass push against the flask. The sound made her mind flash to a memory with Borys instruments being put down on metal plates. Her hand found the wall. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She couldn’t break down now, she needed herself to be sane! Her breaths came out in small burst as her nails almost clawed against the wallpaper.

It was possible to put foreign memories into another’s mind, but it was very difficult to make the effects permanent. Usually, the memories would come back eventually. Sometimes in glimpses, like flashbacks or because certain things triggered emotions related to them. Other times it would all return. However, it wouldn’t surprise him if the people who’d done it to her were very advanced regarding it, making the possibility of her remembering the correct things unlikely. “Can you give me an example of one of these memories?” he asked, wondering what they’d made her remember and then what things they'd done to her to feel the need to do it in the first place. That was if it wasn't because they were afraid of her telling their secrets to others. “Or just any recollection of what the place looked like?” He might not know much of it, but he could research into it if she gave him a bit more information. With any luck, he might know of someone who's been associated with the specific facility.

Calvin had heard many things of Umbrella Company, and the name Ignatyev did ring a bell. But he couldn’t say that he’d met the person she mentioned. He raised an eyebrow as she abruptly stopped mid-sentence. But what? He nodded as she eventually continued her sentence, saying that she looked for something like the Umbrella Company. Searching his own mind for similar organizations. “There’s the Ghosts and the Angelos… I’ve heard-” he halted as she bumped into the table, briefly glancing to the bottle to see how much she’d drunk, but when he returned his gaze to her, he realized that it wasn’t so much the alcohol that was affecting her. “Elena?” he called out before he rose to his feet and approached her. “It’s okay.” He placed a hand on the arm that supported her body against the wall and clawed itself to the wallpaper. Feeling a sting of disquiet from seeing her like this. “Just look at me.” He wasn’t so sure it would help, but even if a long time had passed, he hoped that he’d remind her of something safer than what those memories brought forth. Or at the very least, that she could put her hatred aside. “It’s okay. Just tell me what happened.” He stood very close to her, not wanting to stand further away in case she’d break down. He knew that talking about it might provoke such a reaction, but he genuinely cared about her feeling better. And that was all that mattered to him at the moment. However strange and unfamiliar those feelings were to him. It had partly been the reason behind him staying away. Because she’d always been his weakness. The one person he cared about apart from himself. He'd hated it then and he hated it now. But it was much harder to fight now that he was standing in front of her.

She hadn’t heard I’m, no she didn’t hear anything. Her heartbeat was so deafening that it was only her against the brutal force of her mind, a mind that exploded in unwanted memories threating to send her to her knees. Then she felt it, his touch. This time it wasn’t just to take of her jacket, but his warm fingers closing around her arm pulling her a little back, not forcing her but trying to stop her from clawing her nails away against the through wallpaper.
It was almost like home, when she heard his voice telling her to look at her. Another memory overtook this one.

”Just look at me” Elena was naked, laying in the bed gasping after air. He had gone too far this time, tried to push further than he normally did in the things he found interesting in the bedroom. For the first time ever, she had yelled at him to stop, only to remember that they had a safe work, and first when she yelled that the chains around her wrist had been taken of and gentle hands hand pulled her towards his chest. He hadn’t apologized, he never did but he had always been gentle with her when she needed it. So tender and kind.

Her hands grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her, she needed it the closeness as if they were back in that bedroom.
“I thought he was going to kill me” she finally got out in small gasps “he kept me, beating me, toying with me. Taking pictures, he.. I thought he was either going to keep me for ever as his doll or kill me because I didn’t met his standards” she got out, and then she broke down. His smell, the smell of that special cologne the fact that he still wore it. Her nose buried itself into his neck her breath hard against his skin, as she took it all in. He was actually standing there, so close that she could touch him. Nothing else mattered anymore, she just needed him right now, like they were back in America. Back in their house where everything had been okay. Where she had been loved and cared for.
When she hadn’t been thrown away like a piece of garbage.

He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, holding her close to him. His heart dropped as she in panicked breaths explained parts of what had happened. And he realized it'd only make things worse to talk more about until she'd calmed down. “Shh,” he whispered as his hand caressed her back. “It’s going to be okay. I won’t let him hurt you anymore.” He knew it was words he'd hardly be able to keep. Not unless she stayed with him. And even then, something was bound to hurt her. But if he could prevent this individual from getting near her again, he would do whatever it took. Because he knew that the things she’d told him barely scraped the surface of the horrors she’d lived through because of this man. And as much as he was a terrible man himself, having done unforgivable things to others, he couldn't bear to see her like this.

As they stood there, old memories flocked his mind, and the emotions he felt for her became more prevalent. Reality slowly started to disappear around them as his ability got unconsciously triggered by this. It was rare that it happened because it was one thing he always tried to keep at bay, to not let any emotion get to him. Most of all because doing so usually resulted in a loss of control or a weakness. Something he’d learned from a young age could have detrimental consequences, and in most of his professions, it had simply been a necessity. So, in many situations, he distanced himself from feeling anything, but with her, with Elena, it was near impossible.
When he opened his eyes again, they were standing in their garden on a warm summer’s day. Her fragrance mixed in with the scent of the rosebushes, and her embrace equally tight. Not because she was breaking down, but because she had been happy to see him. He slowly drew away from her to look at her face. Her hair shone brighter than gold in the rays of the sun, and she was wearing his favorite blue dress. And wasn’t it for the tears in her eyes he would have smiled. Because he remembered how happy he’d been that day. It was the kind of rare happiness he’d even forgotten he knew what felt like. Except now it was tainted by hurt. Things being vastly different than they were back then. “Just for a moment forget everything that has happened and look at me. I need you to breathe with me, okay?” he looked into her eyes as he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, repeating it until she copied him and seemed calmer. Hoping that the surroundings as well as this would help her feel at least a tiny bit better.

There was an almost overwhelming feeling that hit her, as he pulled her further into his embrace. She closed her eyes and listen to his heartbeat that didn’t really know how fast it was supposed to beat. But it calmed her, and ever so slowly she felt how her breath started slowing down. She loosened her grip around his shirt and her arms fell down her sides. She just stood there, until she heard his voice again, a small sniffling came from her as she let her face leave the crook of his neck and looked into his eyes with her wet blue ones.
“Okay” she whispered and suddenly realised that they weren’t in the room anymore. Or they were, she knew as much. But somehow his powers had brought them back to their garden. The one she had tended, making sure that roses in all varieties bloomed so beautiful that the next-door neighbour was jealous, trying to outdo her until they had to ask her how she had done it. She looked down and saw the blue dress that clung around her hips, the off shoulders strips. It had been such another time back then, a happy time.

Her eyes found his again, it was so easy for her to get lost in the time again. Maybe this was just a dream, and he wasn’t even here. It wouldn’t be the first time she had woken from a similar dream. Her arms started to move and her fingers stroke over his cheek.
A dream. Maybe he never left? Taken over by the emotions from her break down, the closeness of the man she had loved so dearly, maybe still even loved. Even she would never tell a soul. “I missed you so much, so much like someone had carved out my heart” she whispered and felt how small drops of tears fell down her cheeks again. “I was nothing without you” was the last words before she pressed herself up on her toes and pressed her lips towards his.
At first it was just a small innocent peck. But then she felt the tingling feeling crawling down her spine, her hands found his neck and she pulled him closer. She needed more, she needed him closer.

He’d not expected her to admit that she’d missed him. He’d spent the past decades convincing himself that she didn’t and that no matter his reasons, she wouldn’t forgive him. He’d also convinced himself that he didn’t feel anything for her. But it was as if, at this moment, none of that mattered. It didn’t matter if those convictions were real or not. If the illusions clouded reality. Because these feelings were so rare and real. His heart was racing in his chest, much like it had that day in the garden. And he even looked at her in much the same way, thinking of how lucky he was to have her.    

He parted his lips, about to tell her that she never had been nothing. But his breath was taken away as she instead pressed her lips against his. His hands, which had been lightly splayed against her back, grew rigid, tenser as they pressed into the fabric of her dress. He could feel the heat of her under his fingertips, seeping up through the muslin, swirling in the delicate muscles of her back. He deepened the kiss, indulging in her sweet essence as if he’d been deprived of it all this time. Because he’d missed her too. God, he’d missed her. Overtaken by the moment, he pulled her closer, until their bodies were pressed together. He could feel her, the entire length of her, and it set him on fire. He trailed his hand down the curves of her body, wanting to feel all of her. But something made him stop and move it back to its former placement on her back. Restraining his desires. “Elena,” he murmured, his breath hot against her lips. He didn't want her to do something she'd regret, and this kiss was surely that. He drew himself away, opening his eyes to look at her again. “I assure you; you've never been nothing.” In many ways, she was a much better person than he'd ever be. And he'd always seen great potential in her. He hadn't just married her because she was smitten by him. Loyal and obedient. Because if so, he could have married many others. But he'd chosen her because she had been unlike any other woman he'd met. She'd equally intrigued him. “And I know I was terrible at showing it. I’ve been selfish my whole life, and I know that. I tell myself it’s better that way. I’ve even prided myself in the ability to not feel. But with you… I felt things I could have never dreamed of existing. And for that reason, don’t you ever go thinking you’re nothing. Because if anything, that was a miracle.” The corners of his mouth turned upwards, a gleam of joy in his eyes. And not the kind he got from prosperity. But one of love. He needed her to know these things, for her to see what he saw. Even if he’d been terrible at showing it. Even if he’d tell her romantic things one moment, only to fight with her the next. Contradicting everything he'd said. Because now he saw it all in a much clearer light.

Her heart was razing as he pulled her closer. She could feel the heat from his fingers, how they held so close as if he was afraid, she might not even be there.
She felt how she herself started to doubt the reality of it. How many nights when she had cried herself to sleep, when it had been like he had been there. The smell of him still lingering in the bed they had shared, as she pressed down her face and inhaled it. Almost feeling how his fingers ran over her naked skin and kissed her neck. And now she could feel it so real, so instant as their lips crashed together. Breathed ragged and how it felt like her heart was trying to explode from her chest.

A small whimper left her lips as he pulled back. Her name made her open her eyes and look up. “yes” she whispered licking her lips as her eyes glided from his closed eyes towards his lips again. Wanting nothing more just to cut him off and kiss him again.
She saw how they started moving and she listen to his words. You’ve never been nothing. Anger flared up, as she was going to say that he had a funny way of showing it. But she held back and listen to the next words. She had never heard him talk like this before, never expressed himself in such a way. Not saying that he hadn’t been affectionate. But for him to be so self-aware. And apologizing. One might say this wasn’t one, but she knew better than that. This was even better than the words. I’m sorry.
It took her breath away, and she just stood there looking at him. She didn’t even realize the tear that fell from her eye and slid down her cheek. She had forgotten to breath and took a big shaky breath. She had kissed him.

She stepped out of his arms and turned her back to him. Her shoulders tense as she tried to figure out her own thoughts. This was a closed chapter; this was how she tried to escape and persevere, for god shake!
Even as past events bubbled up and made her act a certain way. She would have broken such a long time ago, if she hadn’t put everything into boxes. She felt how they started to crack in her mind and didn’t even realize how her veins started to turn black. Her hands glided through her hair and pulled back as she tried to get her emotions under control. How they still screamed for his closeness and his lips towards her again. Their body intertwined as they had been before too long ago.  “Give me a moment, please” she whispered as her hands started shaking, then her shoulder and not before long the rest of her body. Then she turned around “You can’t just shatter the image I had build of you for so many years!” she said with a louder tone of voice than she had been aiming for. “You can’t just come back and tell me, that you know what you did was wrong!” her lips were shaking as she pointed towards him “You can’t just, you can’t just….” words were failing her. She was an emotional wreck, been so much in such a short period of time. Just a mere minute ago she had almost broken down in a panic attack. Then the kiss, now this confession of him knowing how bad he had been at showing what she had meant to him.
“I’m not the same person anymore! I’m broken, I’m damaged and I’m in love with someone else, someone that I would never be good enough for – and” she licked her lips and looked away feeling how this broke, not only her heart but her soul. “I can’t do this, because you were, are, my greatest love, and –“ she looked at him with such a pained expression because she knew that she would never be able to keep away from him. Not when he gave such a promise with his words. Not when he could still kiss her like had just done. Not when he still hugged her and told her that he was there.

Not when it was clear that he still loved her.

Calvin raised his hand to her face, but just before he could touch her, she stepped out of his arms and turned her back on him. At that moment the idyllic surroundings disappeared. The dull motel room returning in its stead. He could only guess what she was thinking. How the kiss and his words had complicated everything. And he was caught in his own thoughts, of the fact that she so clearly still had feelings for him. But more so the realization that he still loved her. He took a deep breath in, giving her a moment and taking that same moment to gather his own thoughts. He looked at the back of her head, contemplating whether it was even a wise decision to let her back into his life considering the way he felt. He knew it’d be hard to pretend that they weren’t there once she was near. But on the other hand, nothing inside him wanted to turn his back on her again.

Once she turned to face him, he raised his brows, surprised by the sudden change of tone. But he remained silent, listening to everything she had to say. He knew he’d shattered the idea surrounding his departure, but he hadn’t changed much. In many ways, he’d never act like this around anyone else. Elena was the only one bringing that out in him. The fact that she said she was in love with someone else made him further perplexed about the situation. Especially due to the sting it brought to his heart. Calvin had never been one for jealousy, but there was something about imagining Elena with someone else that just felt wrong. Even if he'd a long time come to terms with it happening. Then as she said that she wasn’t good for him, he could only imagine that he was some nice guy with a proper job. It only gave more sense as to why she found herself this conflicted. But to hear that she felt broken. It’d never been something he’d wished for her. He'd honestly thought she'd been better off with him out of the picture.

He slowly stepped towards her. “And you can't just kiss me like that and then expect me to let you walk out of my life.” He glanced to her lips, licking his own for the slight residue of her taste on them. His gaze then returned to hers. “I understand if you can't trust me. I don't expect you to. But I want nothing more than for us to be together again. Whether that be in business or simply as friends. If you're in love with someone else, I'm only happy for you. But Ellie, after seeing you today, I just can't let you go.” He shifted between her eyes, hoping she'd understand. That she felt even remotely the same as him during that kiss. And he didn't even know why he had this feeling inside him. Why it took so little for her to bring it all back. But now that the feelings were there, he couldn't, he refused to walk out without a fight.

Her hands were trembling as she looked at him. Those words, those beautiful words she so longed for. Let you to walk out of my life. She should be mad; she should scream at him he didn’t deserve to say that to her. Because he had walked out of her life, he had left her alone defending for herself. He had no idea what she was capable of now. Her eyes darkened for a second, a dangerous air hang around the room as she let her back press towards the wall behind her. The one she only moments ago had scratched at, trying to keep it together, she still was he made it so hard for her to breath. She didn’t miss the fact that his eyes lingered on her lips before her tongue licked his own. A slight moan left her lips, before she turned her head away. How could he still make her body tingle with the anticipation of feeling his warm hands travel over her exposed skin. She huffed when he said that he understood that she couldn’t trust him anymore. She closed her eyes and didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear how he wanted nothing more for them to be together.

But Ellie. She couldn’t hold back the small gasp of how that nickname made her feel. Her eyes flew open, and she had to bite down her lip as to keep herself from saying something. But she couldn’t keep away the feelings from her face, as her blue eyes finally found her way back to his. Of course, she had felt the same. There was no question in the matter, and even as she hated it, she couldn’t hide it away. Because here stood the man she had loved with her whole heart, with every fibre in her body, the man she had promised herself to forever.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes again letting her head fall, almost in defeat on not being able to resit him.
“I don’t know if I can do that” she said slowly and took a deep breath in and let it out, as if she tried to get the tension to go away. They had always had impeccable chemistry, it had been so easy to be infuriated with Calvin in the start, even as she had known for him it was just a good cover. It had been so easy to be a part of the bigger circle of the socialite, with a beautiful woman on his arm that knew her way around people. A silver tongue was something Elena had always possessed. Look where that had gotten you, she thought for herself as she took another deep breath.
“You left me” she whimpered and tried to rip her eyes away from him, she was standing so close again. Could be so easy to just let her hand grab out and pull him towards her, into another kiss that she so yearned for. So much so, that she couldn’t hide it from her face as she looked towards him, first on his lips before her eyes looked full on into his. “Cal” she almost begged. Not knowing if she begged him to let her go, release her from him or take her in his arms and kiss her again. She did not know.

I don’t know if I can do that. He lowered his gaze for a moment, not wanting to hear her say that. Even though staying out of each other’s lives might be the best option, it wasn’t something he wanted. Not when everything inside of him yearned to be with her. And maybe he’d come to his senses eventually and let the past stay in the past. Maybe for once, he wouldn’t be selfish and stand in the way of her finding happiness with this guy she spoke of. He knew it would be difficult for him to pretend to stay friends or partners and let go of his emotions entirely. But right now, he felt that it would be worth it to at least try, as long as it meant he’d keep her in his life.

He raised his eyes to meet hers. “I know.” He had no right to come back into her life and demand that she didn’t leave when it was what he’d done. He placed a hand on the wall next to her, leaning his face slightly closer to hers. “I thought it was better that way, to remove myself from your life before I’d screw it up even more.” If he had stayed, it would have only brought more trouble into her life. More pain. And they would’ve lived in constant danger. Much more than they already were. So, he still didn’t regret his decision. Of course, one might argue that after things had settled, he could have returned to her. The thought had crossed his mind about a hundred times. But each time he hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it. It had been a lot easier to just focus on living his new life rather than venture back to something he was convinced that he’d destroyed anyway. “But being with you now, feeling all these things and remembering what we were. I would be a fool to let someone like you go again. And so, I need you to give me a chance. I need you to stay with me.”

He glanced to her lips, wanting nothing more than to close the gap between them and let himself fall into the ecstasy of what they had. “I want you.” His gaze found her sapphire blues, feeling just as enchanted as he had the night of their first kiss, overwhelmed with emotion and desire for her. He placed his other hand on her neck and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against hers in a kiss, pinning her up against the wall with no means for her to escape.

She was rooted to the spot her back against the wall as he put a hand beside her place already circling her in like a predator making sure that the prey knew that they wouldn’t be able to escape. The friction between them crackled like small fireworks. This just reminded her how insane their chemistry had been, how much she had complimented him in her always pleasing and submissive nature. The power he had over her, it was clear she was falling right back into it.
Remembering what we were. A small whinge left her again and she looked down, looking at his polished shoes not being able to look him in the eyes. It took her back to when he would do it to her, to get back on her good side. Until she had used it against him, starting stupid fights being purposely annoying to get a row out of him. See how far she could push it before he would get angry enough to take it out on her. Sometimes the pain that he inflicted, were the things that told her that she was still alive. Washing away the other times pain had brought her nothing but despair in a dark dungeon, locked away from the world stripped from all that made her a person.
Many might think Calvin hadn’t been a good person for her. But for every time he brought her pain or pushed her away. There were the nights when he had been there, he had pushed away her own demons. He had let her cry, not even asking her why. If it was for the reason that he hadn’t cared, or just knew she didn’t want to revisit the memories more than she had too. She no longer knew, but it had healed her. Maybe that had been the reason why she had broken into so many pieces when he had left. He had been her Everything. Or maybe he had really cared. Just. moment ago, he had been there again. Making remember that she should breathe. It was all so confusing.

Need you to say with me.
Maybe she could, just for one night? Would it be so bad if she just wanted something that felt remotely like what once had been? Was it so horrible of her wishing for things to go back to when she had smiled, when she had tended a garden, had a home? When she had been someone’s.
Those three words was enough for her to finally look up again, looking in to his almost darken eyes. She could see the heat, the longing after her and a gasp left her lips before he swallowed it with his lips.

At first, she came back to her senses, she tried to push him away. Not with nearly the power that she could have; “No” she got out as their lips shortly parted. Just to take her back into another old memory. This game had been played before. Her the damsel in distress trying to fend off a predator. How many times had she indulged in his fantasies? And suddenly one day, it had become her own. In the end she didn’t want this to end, she needed him more than she was willing to admit. She needed him to take control and make her forget about everything. Even if it was just for a brief moment.