Rooftops and beers - Karmena

@Karmena
Outfit: Link
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The whole Ramsay ordeal had pissed Karmena off. She didnt really show her emotions like normal people would, she just had this icy expression on her face as she sat on the roof and stared at the city. She had entangled her fingers with one another as she rested her chin on her hand, staring at the city lights that looked like stars on the ground. The sky was clouded, so there were no stars to watch tonight. The only sounds to be heard were the cars in the long distance, and the wind making trees rustle as it whistled through them. A voice broke the silence, and she turned only her eyes to see Mariella climb onto the roof.
She untangled her fingers, grabbing the beer before she inspected it with emotionless eyes and listened intently to Mariellas words. "Dont sweat it," she simply said as she opened the beer and took a sip, turning her eyes to the view. She put the beer between her legs as she leaned back on her hands and didnt look at Mariella as she spoke of her and Amary. "Thanks," she simply replied and turned her gaze a bit down. "I'm surprised to see you and Reginald together. You never seemed like the person who'd let someone in, especially after what happened," she then said, knowing that it could sound insulting, but she wouldnt lie to her. "But it's good that he makes you happy," she then said and turned her eyes to Mariella - She genuinely meant it. "He better keep you that way," she then said in the same dry and cold tone, but she meant it. She wouldnt hesitate, snapping his neck if he ever hurt her. Guess it was how it was after what they had been through - It didnt matter that he was a friend, not when he was dating someone she cared so deeply for in the past - Even if she couldnt give her her heart.

The beer felt great in her system, though she was a vampire, luckily alcohol still had the same effect on a vampire as it had with the humans. She listened as Mariella explained, and she bit back a small smirk as her eyes moved to the view. She was right, timing was always everything. The right time when she and Mariella found safety and shelter in one another, and the right time when Karmena confessed to Amaryllis. Even if Karmena didnt really believe it, she had no solid argument for denying it. Mariellas remark about being closed off made Karmena scoff, but it wasnt a negative scoff.
She moved her eyes back as it seemed that Mariella really wanted to talk about what happened. Yeah, Karmena had been so angry at her at the time, but Karmena could always get angry, mostly when she wasnt told the whole truth. And Mariella had refused her any sort of truth, which hurt, because Karmena had thought that they were past having secrets. It just hurt to be wrong.
She wondered herself at Mariellas what-if. But what if's were dangerous, because they could paint up this perfect scenario that probably never would have happened. There was only the sad truth, "I would have hurt you, eventually but surely.." Karmena admitted in her mind and moved her gaze down with sad eyes on her otherwise expressionless face. She listened to the story of what happened to Jeremy and then the truth that had been hidden for so long.
She was quiet for quite some time like she hadnt heard any word of the story, but she had heard every word. Her eyes darkened as she looked down at the ground below them and took a long sip of her beer. "You should have trusted that I could protect you," she then said truthfully and clenched her teeth. She was angry, but not at Mariella, at herself. So blinded by her own anger and pride to see that Mariella was calling out for help rather than trying to hurt her. "I could have ripped him apart for you. I would have... For you," she then said and sighed deeply, trying to calm her anger.
She got to think about something else the question of her well being was asked. She gritted her teeth and took another long sip of the beer, almost emptying it despite it being half full. She placed the beer back between her legs and scoffed, "Truthfully? I feel like shit. Ramsay tore my mind apart, not to mention that he mentally scarred my girlfriend before that, I had a one night stand with a guy who now has feelings for me, and oh yeah. I cant seem to make my girlfriend smile," she said as the last thing bothering her the most. The others she could somehow deal with, but the last one stung.

"I dont care about the blood on my hands, if it protected those I care about. And I care about you. This necklace around my neck will always be a sign of what we had, even if it's not like that anymore," she then said as she looked into Mariella's eyes, "I may not have been able to give you all of my heart, but you got a part of it. And you still have it," she then said and moved her eyes away. She really would do anything for Mariella. It was the truth, she couldnt really care for who she had to kill if it could keep her loved ones safe.
She sighed as Mariella asked if she had told Amaryllis about the things Ramsay did to her. She shook her head just as Mariella suggested getting away. She looked out on the view and gulped quietly to herself as she seemed to think about it. Hell, she could give it a try, and however Mariella reacted, would make up her mind about telling Amary. "He kept me there for days. Keeping me just fed enough to be alive. It was hell. Then one day, he brought Wade in to hold me. He pushed a knife into me and opened my gut, just to stick his hand in and toy with my insides," she said as she looked down at the beer with sadened eyes. "He had fed me till my stomach was as full as it could get. My starved brain thought that it was some sort of kindness, but it turned out to be another twisted game. The hand in my belly grabbed my stomach, and he just started squeezing it, like it was some dog toy. The blood came up the way it had entered, pouring out of my mouth and my nose, if I was human, I think that I would have choked," she then said and as she had finished she seemed to be fazed out by the memory. She was just staring at the beer with shaking eyes, yet she couldnt even bring herself to cry over it. Because that wasnt the worst part, if you asked her.
She looked up and made a trembling exhale. "I cant tell Amary. It wouldnt help her feel better in any way. She feels like it's her fault, so why would I add to her guilt by elaborating his torture?" she then asked as her eyes went to Mariella with an empty look in them. She picked up her beer again and drank the last of the beer before she reached out for a new beer. She needed it.

Maybe she had also wished that Mariella had the answer but life wasnt always that simple. Life was awfully complicated and painful, but it was also very beautiful. And odd balance that wasnt always a balance. She nodded at Mariella's addition and leaned her head onto hers. "I would always feel safe when it comes to you," she admitted, putting her hand over Mariella's to give it a squeeze. They werent a couple, but there was still something. Something that had turned into a beautiful friendship.
Karmena just stared ahead, feeling some comfort from having Mariella lean on her shoulder. She sighed and turned her gaze down. "It's not even the worst part," she admitted as her eyes were on her stomach. She wasnt sure if she was ready to admit it, it wasnt even a certainty yet it was weighing on her shoulders like a heavy burden. She moved her eyes up and stared ahead as her eyes turned oddly empty. "Mariella. You cant tell this to anyone, anyone at all," she then started as she turned her eyes to Mariella, a serious expression hiding behind the emptiness, and she wasnt going to tell her before she was a hundred percent sure that Mariella would keep it a secret. She didnt really doubt it, but she still needed the confirmation. She moved her eyes back as she stared ahead, all empty eyes again. "You've felt the bond between Dean and I. It's no secret...." she was stalling but she felt she needed to add it before the big reveal. "...I'm pregnant," she then said in a low tone instead of continuing her stall, turning her eyes to Mariella's. She knew that she had just had a good portion of beer, but she wasnt even sure if she wanted the baby yet.