Space between - Amary (+Lion)

//@Amaryllis <333 //
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Amaryllis felt more confused than she ever had. She had a feeling like something was missing, but she couldn’t put a finger on it. She had retreated to the only place she knew she could go to clear her thoughts. Her hands could still feel how she had hit Lion, and because of it she had a sour taste in her mouth. Honestly she didn’t think that Vanya would be up here after everything, and as she offered the cupcake she looked at it shortly. ”How about we split it?” she said, trying to keep her emotions under control. She loved Vanya, like she had never loved anyone before. And that was why her heart felt like it was in a thousand pieces, some of them being ground to dust. Amaryllis felt her hands shake as she took a hold of the cupcake, breaking it in half and then sitting down on one of the pillows in the windowsill. A quick bite and she looked out the window.

”I’m sorry,” she finally mumbled. She felt stupid. Often she was still that little girl who hated sharing anything, and when it came to Vanya, a part of her had always believed that she never had to share. Amaryllis licked some frosting off of her upperlip as she tried finding her words, but those two sentences were all she could really muster right now, without feeling empty inside.

Amaryllis listened to Vanya speak, but she was broken inside. She felt not only that she had lost love, but someone she felt like she couldn’t live without. Vanya was like a sister, and these stupid feelings had gotten everyone’s hearts in a knot. She felt guilty, because was she really so unstable, that people felt the need to tip-toe around her? She let out a sigh as Vanya started to sing, and she couldn’t help but smile. Back in Italy it had been more simple.

”I didn't want to let you down, But the truth is out. It's tearing me apart, not listening to my heart,” she sang back looking down. Why were they communicating through song all of a sudden? Was it because it reminded them of when things were just for fun? ”I really had to go,” she sang letting there be space for Vanya to answer before she sang her next line. ”Even though it changed,” she sang looking away.

Amaryllis got up and sighed a bit at the hand holding. As Vanya sang the chorus she joined in. The hand squeeze made her smile a bit, but she couldn’t get her smile to reach her eyes fully. She hesitated to continue the song, because she felt weak at this moment. She took her hand out of Vanya’s, not wanting to feel that emotion of emptiness. ”And nothing can stay the same, It's growing pains,” she sang sadly, turning away to look out the window in stead. She waited for Vanya to sing back, and if she did, Amaryllis would continue the song.

Amaryllis couldn’t help but just listen to Vanya, but she felt like she had too betrayed the trust of her friend. She turned to her friend, but this time she could not continue the sung. Instead she looked with pain in her eyes at her friend as she thought of what she and Karmena had done. Well. They had only kissed and looked at the stars, but she didn’t want to hide that. Maybe it would be better to be even this was, however it still gave her a sour taste in the mouth. It had happened not long ago, but she hadn’t been ready to face either Vanya nor Lion.

”Karmena kissed me,” she blurted out and looked away. ”And I kissed her,” she said, almost awaiting a scolding. But she couldn’t hide anything from her friends. She was too loyal, and that was both a good and a bad quality in some eyes.

”I don’t know what to feel right now to be honest,” she mumbled and put her hand to her heart and sighed. Vanya’s words made her smile slightly, but she was scared to death. Her mother had always told her that love couldn’t kill, but her heart was beating so fast whenever she thought of Karmena. Maybe it would jump out of her chest and run away, if she wasn’t careful. She breathed out silently and closed her eyes. The vision of what Lion and Vanya was still burned into her mind, but it was slowly getting taken over by the way Karmena had looked at her. It was like that vampire could take her pain away, but she was scared of ever feeling anything again. ”I just don’t want to rush into something, but my whole body just screams to be near her right now – however I haven’t been able to find her all day,” she said with a worried look. She knew that Karmena had a habbit of going out to train, so maybe she was just overreacting, but a part of her felt something was off.

”I still love you, just like I still love Lion,” she said finally letting herself say the words. Time had blinded her, and she had seen the infatuation towards Vanya as a sign of love, but when she looked closer she saw that she did love Vanya. Just not as a lover, or anything. Like a sister that she couldn’t live without. Vanya was her soulmate and Lion her twinflame. But Karmena was something more than that, at least that’s what she felt.

Amaryllis sighed at Vanya’s words, because she had wanted to see Lion, but her being afraid of what might happen if she saw him scared her. She had hit him, not only physically, but mentally as well. She had been so caught up in her own emotions she didn’t stop to think about those around her. Soon she heard footsteps and she froze as she heard Lion’s voice. Her body shook a bit, because she couldn’t turn around to face him, not until he forced the letter into her hand. She read it. Then again. Then once more, sitting down in the windowsill. She felt her heart beat as she could feel her brain being fuzzy when she tought of Karmena.

”Her lips,” she mumbled grabbing her head. No. She couldn’t remember all of her face. Amaryllis put her head between her knees trying to breath normally but her body was freaking out. Her heart beating fast, as she could feel the memory of Karmena slowly slip away. She wouldn’t let it go, as she grabbed her head harder, as if she was trying to hold together her memories. ”What did she do?” she said, mostly to herself.

Amaryllis couldn’t really fathom what was going on, and when she looked up her eyes were full of tears ready to fall down her cheeks, but she wouldn’t let them. Not until Lion started talking to her, but she couldn’t find her words, so in stead she started shaking her head. As he reached for her hand she jumped up and wrapped her arms around Lion crying silently into his neck. She didn’t want to loose her brother. Not now, not ever. He talked about calling her mother, and she nodded, just holding her arms around him. ”I don’t ever want to loose you,” she whispered into his neck. Amaryllis had cried more since getting to the past than she had ever done in her whole life. She was usually this bubble of happiness filling the room with a warm energy, but right now she was scared. Carefully she pulled her face from his neck and looked into his eyes.

”Besides, if I really hated you I would have made you into sushi,” she said and couldn’t help scoff out a laugh as she looked at him.

She shrugged at her remark, it could have ended worse, but it didnt so Karmena didnt want to think about the what-if's. As Vanya said that Amary would be happy to have her back, she tried to smile, but ended up biting the smile back, leaving a expressionless response. She turned her eyes to Mikayla as she came back, nodding to the assurance of her mother's safety. "Thank you," she simply replied as the portal was opened and they were about to walk through. She stopped herself and grabbed Mikayla's hand, looking her in the eyes, "Find me in 2019. We need to talk," she then said as she gave her hand a squeeze and went through the portal, coming back to 2019.
She looked around at the mess, but didnt say anything when Vanya said she could clean it later. Some part of her couldnt find it in her to care about the mess. Was she really changed? She took Vanya's hand and went out to look for the other's, walking carefully on her wounded leg. She had to stop ruining it further.

As Lion left the room as well, she suddenly felt so alone. She knew that both him and Vanya each had their reasons for leaving her, but she felt it almost as a stab to her chest. Shaking her head she got up to her feet. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. Do something for once. But she felt so empty, and the fleeting memory of Karmena was still lingering. Why hadn’t she dissappeared yet? Her gaze went to the window once again and she bit her lip as she wondered what would happen if she jumped from there. A broken leg or two if she was lucky, maybe a broken spine. A sigh went through her lips as she opened the window, letting in the cold air from outside. She wasn’t going to jump, was she? To be honest, it wouldn’t work, and she would just get in more trouble just for trying something stupid and dramatic.

”I need to remember you,” she mumbled as she closed her eyes, feeling the soft wind against her hair.

As they got into the tower, and she saw Amaryllis standing in the window, she felt a dread spread inside her, she had caused this - Another things to add to the list of cruel things that she had done. But for now, she shook it off her, she couldnt falter now, not when she had so many things to fix. She found her inner 'Vanya', the calm and collected side that her bestfriend had taught her in the time over their friendship. She carefully approached her, reaching out with her healthy hand till she could grab her and yank her out of the window and into her arms, unless Amary was falling out the window, then she would have ran to her, grabbing her before she fell, not caring about the soaring pain in her leg. She pressed her so tightly, that she was afraid she was going to break her. After a bit, she lifted her face up gently and looked into the green eyes she realized that she had missed so dearly, before she quite passionately pressed her lips against Amary's intoxicating lips, feeling her warmth once again.
A tear rolled down her cheek as she pulled away and held her tight once again, looking over at Vanya before she reached out for her, pulling her up behind Amary so they both could hug her. She knew she needed them both, she needed both her and Vanya to be there for her. She wanted to apologize, but she couldnt find it in her to say anything. And she usually had something to say in situations like these. She exhaled deeply as she came to realize that she was changing - It was scaring her.

Amaryllis heard Vanya but it felt like she hadn’t really heard her. As Karmena pulled her into an embrace she closed her eyes, finally feeling like she could breathe again. ”I wasn’t going to do it,” she mumbled into Karmena’s chest and then felt her face being pulled up into a kiss. Wow. She could really forget everything around her when she felt those lips pressed so firmly against her own. As the kiss ended she made a small annoyed groan, because she didn’t want the kiss to stop. ”You know I’m stupid, but I’m not that reckless,” she finally said as she felt Vanya now pressed against her back, and she couldn’t help but giggle a little bit. She leaned back to Vanya, pressing her cheek against her friend’s. Something was wrong, it was like a taste in the air. She placed her hand against Karmena’s cheek and froze at what she saw. So much violence, that man, Vanya scared and the blood on the vampire’s hand. She felt like she wanted to scream, but she kept her mouth shut as she started hitting Karmena. Tears falling from her eyes.

”How dare you leave me!” she screamed, suddenly filled with fear and anger all at once. Feelings she had gotten from the memories she saw, but her hits were barely as violent as the ones she had swong towards Lion. Even if she was angry, she couldn’t hurt Karmena like that, and she placed her forehead against the vampire’s chest again, trying to calm her beast and her own feelings down. ”Haven’t I told you that I couldn’t imagine a world without you?” she said as a mumble as she pulled herself close to Karmena, afraid she was going to dissappear. Her memory of their long friendship came back to her and every emotion was so hard to feel over again.

She could understand Amary's anger, she was angry at herself for being so selfish. She knew what this could have done to Amary, and she was about to do it anyway. She exhaled deeply and let her hit her, looking at her with pained eyes, not because she was hurting her, but because she knew she fucked up big time. As Amary pressed herself close to her again, she lifted her gaze and let it wander around as she blinked her tears away - Tears werent going to solve this, so she'd rather get rid of them.
She turned her eyes to Vanya and nodded at her when she said she would go eat something - Surely she knew that Vanya just wanted them to be alone, and maybe she needed some time alone too. Her thought shortly wondered where Lion was, but he was probably somewhere, Kyle wouldnt let any of them leave just like that - So if he was gone, it was bad.
She placed her hand gently on Amary's cheek and looked down at her. "I let you down, Amaryllis," she admitted, the words stung but her face was expressionless. She inhaled shortly before she continued, "I was a fool to not think of you. Selfish. I am lower than shit for pushing my own agenda, not even thinking about the consequences of my actions. I was too drawn to think that you would all be better off, and I never even realized how much I was in the wrong." - "I let myself think that my heart was dark, filled with this evil that came from how I was put into this world, when I was wrong. Because how could my heart ever be evil, when it's being held by you?" she then said as she gently stroke the skin on her cheek with her thumbs, her eyes looking into Amary's the whole time. "I promise you that I will never leave your side ever again. I will build up the trust that I've lost, and I will prove to you everyday, just how much I love you," she then said, as she leaned down and sealed her promise in a kiss, a tender and vulnerable kiss.