Not something you see everyday - Wade

He really just came to this place to get away from Ramsay. He didnt enjoy the people and their way of dancing, drinking and just generally being happy. He felt empty, as empty as Ramsay had made him. The constant inner struggle between doing the right thing and doing Ramsay's bidding, it was tiring. He walked up to the bar as her scent went past his nose. He turned his eyes to her as the bartender gave him his whiskey. He sighed quietly at her words and shook his head as he sat down next to her, taking a big long sip of his drink. "It's a relief to see that my attempt didnt bear fruit," he said as he exhaled the burn from his mouth, whiskey had it's own way to make him feel good by burning him up inside.
He got a smirk on his lip as she called him out on his act. He turned his eyes to her again, holding his drink in a firm grip as he then leaned a bit back to straigthen his back. "It's sadly not an act anymore," he remarked as he studied her face. He still couldnt remember much of her, but he had started to realize some core things that had stuck to him about her. The need to protect her, to make her smile, how he wished that he could remember more. He shrugged and looked at the table, "You've always been so keen to say whatever is on your mind. I still admire that," he admitted with a small lift of the corner of his mouth. Some part of him had missed her, some other part felt scared. Yet he showed none of it, except in his eyes which were planted on the table.

"You couldnt have helped me. You'd just be another person to be turned into a guard dog. He had Elena, he was going to kill her if I didnt do as he said. I couldnt do anything to protect her, other than to give away what was left of me," he then said, and he believed every word of what he said. If it was the truth, didnt matter to him. It was his truth.
His eyes were on the table, but he felt her warm hand grasp his chin as she forcefully turned him to look her in the eyes. He had a very painful look behind his eyes, as he listened to her words. He exhaled deeply as he wanted to react to her words, just feel something - But he felt empty. His eyes wandered from hers as she said she wasnt giving up on him. He lifted his hand and grabbed her wrist, not hard, it was uncertain what feelings he was bearing in his grip, as he looked into her eyes, "I killed you. You died in front of our child, and your child. You should give up on me," he then said as he pulled her hand off, not that he wanted to, he just couldnt bear feeling her warmth's effect on him.
His eyes started moving around the room as he was looking for Simon, "Havent you found another anyway? Simon, or whatever his name is," he then said, as he was unsure what the guy's name was. Ramsay had told him many times, but he was quite forgetful, especially because it was someone who was with Tatia - The woman he loved. He took another long sip of his whiskey but he didnt turn away from her, he knew that she wouldnt allow him to. "I loved you Tatia. From what I remember, I truly did. It's still in me... But I'm not the same anymore," he then said and exhaled painfully. It hurt to admit, to be someone else than the man she had loved. "I became this for the sake of our daughter. Keeping her safe, making sure that monster doesnt hurt her," he then said as he bit down on his lip in anger.
He felt so angry, all the things he had to see Ramsay do, all the things he had to do for Ramsay. "We tortured a girl because he was bored. He cut up a little girl and fed her to the other girl. I looked on as this horrible scenario played out... And I felt nothing.. Nothing at all," he then said as he rubbed his temples, it was frustrating to know who he used to be, and know who he was now. Old Wade wouldnt have let any of this happen, no matter what. He shook his head and got out of his own thoughts as he looked at her, "Why are you in this world? By the looks of it, you've been quite busy, with your family and all," he said to change the subject away from him, knowing that it probably wasnt good to put the focus on her new family - For him it was a way of seeing her move on, which he thought was for the best. "Two beautiful twins. They're lucky they have a strong mother like you," his words were genuine as they were bitter.

He listened to her story, clenching his teeth at the things he heard, not knowing really why he got so angry but he did. He ran his fingers through his hair as he exhaled deeply. "It would be nice if one of us had had a good life. I hold onto hoping that Elena wont suffer the same fate as us. It keeps me going, instead of giving up," he then admitted as he stared ahead, feeling the dread spread in his body. He wasnt sure what he was going for, maybe he had been doing it for so long that he couldnt remember anymore.
He turned to her as she asked if it was the story he was hoping for. He narrowed his eyes shortly before he replied, like he gave it a second thought before he answered, "No," - "I had hoped for something good," he then said as he finished his whiskey and ordered another one. The alcohol in his system felt nice, it felt like the freedom he couldnt have. He pushed the glass away and grabbed the new one as he looked at her. "Dont you feel like hitting me? Just giving me a proper hit right in the face," he then said, like he was poking her like she was a bull. He was annoyed by all these feelings she was making him feel, he didnt want her to not give up, he wanted her to be angry and hate him, hate the person he had become.
"Doesnt it suck to look at the man you thought you once knew? Watch him change into something completely different?" he almost spat the words out as he felt so angry at himself. He shortly clenched his fist as he stared at his drink before he turned his eyes to her. "The little I remember of you, you're not truly evil. You do what's needed to do, but you're not evil," he then said a bit vulnerable as he took another sip of his drink to swallow his own vulnerability, shoving it down into himself again. He shook his head and exhaled at the burn and then looked at Tatia.
Then he realized something and pulled himself to his feet as he stared into her eyes, "Like hell I'm letting you near Ramsay to join me. Fuck...." he shook his head and clenched his fists before he grabbed her face and pressed his lips to hers, feeling the warmth spread throughout him as his heart told him he was doing the right thing. He pulled his face away from hers after a prolonged and tender kiss before he exhaled deeply. "You're too valuable to me," he whispered softly.