You wanted to talk? - Cody

Sted Værelse 12, Ben og Miles' værelse
Tid 02:20
Vejr 9°C, overskyet og det regner lidt ind i mellem
Omgivelser Instrumenter, skolebøger, osv.
Påklædning En sort hoodie og mørkegrå joggingbukser.
@Cody

---

Ben had been gaming most of the evening, which was unheard of on a Friday evening to Saturday night, really. He pretty much always went out to get drunk or he would work one of his jobs, which was probably why he had decided to take a day off. He didn't have any work, and while he'd normally go out for drinks, not doing anything was very enticing. So, he plugged up his PlayStation 3 and started playing some of the games he had played as a kid. Sly, Ratchet & Clank and Crash Bandicoot were just a few of the titles he had gone through this evening. He sat on his bed, with his back leaned against the headboard, with his television and PlayStation standing on top of his dresser which stood by the end of his bed.

But the past 10 or so minutes had gone by slowly, and he barely focused on beating the Panda King in Sly. No, instead Ben was thinking about Cody, who was headed to the school right now. Honestly, he had no idea what the angel might want to talk about, but he guessed the timing was good. Damien was out to a tournament, Zerachiel was doing who knows what - probably masturbating to the bible or some shit - and Miles... Well, Ben had no idea what the witch was up to ever, but he was odd, so he supposed he didn't care all that much. He kept looking over at the door, waiting to hear Cody knock, so he could find out what this whole thing was about.

Outfit

People spoke of time as something miraculously, as some kind of God, or a time wave, supposed to wash away all the sorrow and agony. Leaving him like a new man, all reborn and stuff! People where idiots! Language Cody! - But no, not today, or tonight? Well, either way, why should he care!
He'd thought he could escape this, just for a some time at least, and it had been a really silly thought, he new that now! But it had been good, to just pretend not to care! And he had, or he'd tried, back there.. On the beach, sand between his toes, sun in his eyes, the sound of the ocean.. Laughing at him! Why did it laugh? Why didn't it wash away, wipe him clean, made him forget!
Couldn't he please just be done with it! Please! Time God? Do your thing! Make it better! Please? - But no! No matter how much he begged it wound't listen.
Maybe because he didn't speak loud enough? But it wasn't it - The Time God - he needed to speak to, it was him the guy, the real miracle, the real sunshine - I love you so much! Love me back! Please! I'm desperate!
So finally he had to leave, couldn't just stay there forever, hiding, like some kind of coward. But oh, he was, a really silly and stupid coward! But no! Enough! Couldn't go on like this! No!
Anything was better than this! He'd rather die!

So as he got off the plane, he'd texted him. Now or never Cody, now or never!
Now he was in the cab, on his way. But... As he got closer, it got more real.
In New Zealand it had been.. An Ocean away, he could deal with that, it was fine! He could make the plans, think of the words, dream of what he would do, and what Ben would say back!
But now, shit, now! Shit!
He didn't even know how he had ended up here? Outside the dorm room, had he paid the taxi even? Why couldn't he remember? Shit this was silly! Stop saying shit, omg! - Oh no, no, can't, sorry! Oh!
He reached up, shaped his hand into a shaking fist, as he knocked.. Run.. run, run run! You can still make it, you can still change your mind! Just go!! - But his legs wouldn't move, couldn't move, just stood there.. heart pounding! Impossible to breath, shaking like a clown! Ready to pas out any second now!
And then the door.. After what seemed like a thousand yeas.. Slid open.. And.. There he was.. As beautiful as ever, his love, his soulmate, his everything.. wow..
And again - without thinking - Why was he so horrible at thinking this particular night?! Come on now, think! You can do it! Come on! - He took one step forward, and just kinda wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him, or rather maybe forcing him? Into a really warm and - form Codys point of view - lovingly embrace. "I've missed you.. So much.." he whispered against the top of his ear, while sniffing in the perfect sent that was Ben, that made Ben Ben! The best sent in the world! He could stand there, all night, just breathing into his hair, sniffing him! Weird, yeah maybe, be he could.. He loved that sent.. He loved him - I love you!

Finally, he heard a knock on the door, and quickly Ben paused his game before struggling for a few seconds to get himself untangled from his duvet and blankets. He grabbed one of the blankets and pulled it over his shoulders. He pulled it closer to himself as he walked out of his room and over to the door, which he swung open, and there he stood, his best friend.

Ben didn't even get to greet Cody, before being pulled into a tight hug, and for a moment he stiffened. But shortly after he realized it was just that, a hug. So he relaxed and wrapped his arms around his friend, and rested his chin against the other's shoulder. "I missed you too," he whispered, squeezing his friend closer. Being held by the angel, not out of necessity, but by his own free will was nice. He honestly thought the angel hated him, or was disgusted by him. Something along those lines, because he had been acting so weird last time. Like Ben was merely something gross stuck on his shoe, that he didn't really want to clean off so he just chose to ignore it instead. His eyes welled with tears as they kept hugging, and he pulled back just to wipe them away.

"Sorry, I dunno why I'm getting emotional," he said, chuckling slightly as he pulled away from the angel's embrace. "Come inside," he then said, moving to the side so the angel could walk back in. He then walked over to his room and sat down on the bed, waiting for the angel to follow, before he said something again. "So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Ssshhh shit! Pull yourself together man! - No! to hard! Couldn't they just, like, stand there? Just for a little while? Sniffing his hair, feeling the warmth form his body, the touch of his arms, all the way around him! Just freeze in the moment, shit, he could just - like - melt! right there, right now. It felt so good, so right, right?
But the moment was over all to fast. And Ben was slipping away, oh how he just wanted to say: 'no', and pull him closer again, and not ever, never, letting go!
But he did, he did let go, sadly. Come on now, just tell him then, and the hugging may never stop again? - Yeah, or he might never hug me again.. Easy, right? - He sighted, looked away, trying to, oh hell, he didn't even know what he was getting at? Trying to distract himself maybe, or just linger for a moment? As if if just stood there long enough, it would suddenly just fix itself?! Haha! You're so stupid! - Yeah, he was.

He looked back up, just in time to see how Ben was wiping away some tears? Wait what? - Was he crying? Why are you crying love, don't cry, please don't, you shouldn't cry, you should smile, all the time! You look so beautiful when you smile.. - What had happen?
"Ben? What's wrong, are you okay?" he asked him in a worried tone. Did he do something? But he had just hugged him? Shouldn't he hug him? But Ben had hugged him back? They always hugged? What?! Sshhh... - Mhmm.
"Oh.. It's.. Okay.. I.." he mumbled, trying to find the right words, where were they hiding? Somewhere else apparently! Speak up! - I'm trying - Try harder! Shit!
He followed him inside, into the room, looked around a bit, but didn't really focus on anything, like, how could he?

So his eyes just went straight back to Ben, on the bed, sitting, on the bed, sitting, there.. On the bed! Yes? And so? - Eh?
He started walking back and forward in front of him, sitting wasn't an option, he couldn't possibly sit right now! He had to keep going.. Wandering back and forth. Shit. And now you tell him! - Tell him? - Yes, come on, you can do this! - No wait, I can't! - "Are you sure you're okay?" he then asked, just, trying to - what?? What are your trying to do? Come oooooon!!! - Yes.
"So ehm... You know.. I’ve got something kinda important, that I wanna tell you.. I know.. You know.. I’ve been acting a bit weird.. Lately.. And.. I actually got a reason.. I think..
Okay.. So..
You know I’ve been in New Zealand for a while, right? Yeah.. Okay, I met someone there.. Actually.. You know I’m a guardian angel, yeah, I met her.. The girl I’m supposed to protect. And.. We spend some time together.. Being with her made me realise something... I.." He started.. But.. He stopped walking back and forth, feeling a bit dizzy now.. Out of breath.. So he went over to the bed, and sat down.
"Can I.." he whispered softly, reached out and took Ben's hand between his own, held it very so softly. "Where.. Did I come from.. Eh.. "

Sitting on the bed, Ben pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders, waiting to hear what the other had to say. But before they got anywhere, Cody wanted to know if he was okay. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just missed you is all," Ben replied smiling softly. Well, it wasn't wrong, but it was mostly that he had worried that Cody didn't want anything to do with him anymore. That him leaving for New Zealand was an excuse to get away, and he just wanted Ben to not be around him anymore. He had been cuddling a lot with Damien since then, and once he broke down crying while they did so, because he thought about Cody not wanting to do that kind of stuff with him anymore. He felt like a wreck, because he was just... So sure that he had lost his best friend.

But then Cody started talking, and Ben listened intently, eyes following the angel as he walked back and forth in the room, pacing around. It made Ben nervous to be honest, and under the blanket, he started fiddling with one of the cords on his hoodie, but he still looked up at him, to show he listened.
He moved a little away when Cody moved to sit down, trying to make comfortable space between them. He didn't want to make the angel uncomfortable again. But then his hand was pulled out of the security under the blanket, and pulled out so the angel could hold it, ever so gently. "You were saying that you realized something," he replied softly and squeezed Cody's hand gently, urging him to continue talking.

"Yeah, yeah I was.. Oh it's hot in here right??" He said, letting go of Ben's hand again, but this time, just to stand up so he could take of his jacket, getting a bit more air. Even though it still felt like he was drowning, just in hot boiling water! Why couldn't he breath? "Benjamin.." he whispered out, sitting down again, moving a bit around, pulling his leg up, lowering it down again, pulling it up again. Reaching out for Ben's hand once more, but his own fingers was all sweaty and hot, and eww! He let go again, pulled a bit away, "Just.. One sec.." he mumbled, hiding his face in his hands, wow.. His heart was about to explode! He took a deep breath, This is it, and you know it - Yes. He looked up again, started into the beautiful grey eyes, so wonderful."And I.. I realised something.. Yes.. about Me.. And.. You.. That.. Benjamin, I'm in love with you.. And, and it's like.. I look at you.. And everything just.. You know? Even when I close my eyes.. All I see is you.. All I see is you Ben.." he gasped a bit for breath, now getting up again, pacing around! Omg, I can't feel my toes! Why is he so quiet? Why dosen't he say anything?! He dosen't feel the same.. Obliviously! Of cause not, how would you ever think so! Just go, go now, you should go! GO!
"I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm such a fool.." He sighted, but he couldn't leave, not yet.. Wait what? Just go!
"I just, I don't know.. You're just so.. Amazing.. And I love you, and everything about you, and I want you.. Or I mean, not like that, or maybe like that also, Eh, I don't know.. But.. I just want you.. And I wanna hold your hand, I wanna kiss your lips, I wanna sit and stare into your eyes all day, all night, and breath into your hair.. It smells so good.. And hug you as tight as possible.. And.. It.. I.. It's.. You're just so.." - Deep breath - "I'm hopeless without you Ben, you're honestly the reason I'm still breathing.. I love you so" he whispered.

As Cody kept talking, Ben got increasingly worried. The angel was restless and for fuck's sake, that was Ben's job! It stressed him out and his hand returned to fiddle with the string on his hoodie underneath the blanket. He felt restless too, but he had to stay calm, even though way too many thoughts went through his head, but none of them seemed too plausible. So he just watched the angel with worry in his eyes, and listened silently, to give Cody time to say what he wanted.

At least until he heard the words leaving Cody's lips. He was in love with Ben. He stared up at him silently, unable to comprehend it. That was why he had acted the way he had? Because he liked Ben? He barely even listened to a word the angel said. But then he stopped talking and it was like Ben could finally breathe. He got up on his feet, his eyes tearing up, balled his left hand into a fist and threw a punch right into the angel's stomach, obviously angry. It wasn't hard compared to what Ben could do, not at all, and it wasn't enough to do any damage either, but just enough that it would punch the air out of his lungs.

"That was for making me think you hated me," he growled, before grabbing the angel by the front of his shirt to pull him closer, and pressed his lips against Cody's. It wasn't gentle at all, but not too rough either, just... comfortably firm, but not with open mouth yet. He didn't want Cody to get affected by it now. His hands relaxed their grip and one of them reached up to gently cup Cody's cheek. He then pulled back from the kiss, looking up at the angel, still with teary eyes. "And that was for telling me," he said shakily, as the tears started falling, and he laid his arms around the older male's waist, before burying his face by the other's neck. "I thought you wanted to leave me." His voice died out into a whimper, as the sobs began and shook through his entire body. "I was s-so scared tha-that you thought I-I was too gross to be your friend anymore, and that you wanted me out of you-your life."

Shit! I'm going to pass out! Shit! - What the hell should he do next? Other than just stand there looking like a total idiot, also feeling like a total idiot. Please just leave, you're making it worse! - Shit! I know! Okay door, find the door Cody, that couldn't be so hard, could it? Not after what he had just done? Everything should be easy compared to that right? But no, of cause not, it was all to hard, and for every second it just got even harder! Harder to see, to hear, to breath, to focus, to stand up! Passing out just about now, seemed like a really good option.
His eyes met with Ben again, as he tried to look for clues on his face, what was he thinking? How did he feel? Wait! He's standing now! - Oh no! He's crying! You should comfort him! Wait... Dosen't he look kinda mad? Oh shit, he's mad at me! And before he knew it, Ben had punched him right in the stomach! All the air, he so carefully had tried to breath in, went right out again! And he was gasping! Trying to win back, what Ben had stolen form him.. The ability to breath! Shit!
He had to close his eyes, and did bend his back a bit, just about to put his hands on his knees, trying to get some air in, and maybe some pain out? Auch..

"Did you.. Just Hid.. me??"

But before he could reach all the way down, Ben decided to steal yet another thing.
What? Hate who? Hate Ben? No! Never! Impossible! And the kid got a good grab in his shirt, pulling him closer till their lips met. No ari! i have no air!!!! he tried taking some in through the nose, but it didn't seem to help, was he turning blue?! Just hold it! - Can't! - But you'll just have to! Kiss ham back idiot! - What? Who? - Ben! Kiss him back! - What kiss?! - This kiss, you stupid angel!! - OMG!!! - YES!! - WE'RE KISSING!!!
And finnaly he put his arm around the boys body, pulled him against him, and returned the kiss. That was far way the best kiss he had ever gotten! Even better than their first one (well, it's a bit funnier when both are at consciousness.)

It just happen to stop to quickly! And it felt like he was already panting for more Please..
Tears had also filled his eyes by now, form the punch? Form the kiss? Or just simply because Ben was crying, that.. Had a way of.. Getting to Cody too, it just, moved him? Yes. Maybe because it was so rare, so when it happened it was special, not exactly in a good way! And this was the second time he'd cried since Cody got there! It made him really uncomfortable, but not in the way that he wanted to run away, more that he was pretty sure that it was him, who was to blame.. And it made him feel like a huge ass! Why couldn't he just.. Why did he always.. You're such an idiot, you don't deserve him! He knows it, you should know it too! - more tears started to flow. Jeez. How pathetic!

Deep breath! Now he just stood there again, not moving, feeling a bit numb actually. But he didn't let go, of cause not, he held him tight, buried his face in the boys hair, took in another deep breath. "Benjamin?" he whispered softly, trying to check if he was okay? Of cause he isn't, how stupid are you?! - Pretty stupid I suppose.
He listen to the sound of the shaky voice and the crying continuing into small sobs. Wait? What? No, never! - Speak up!!
He pulled a bit back, took the boys face between his hands, so he could look him straight into his eyes. "No Ben, no, not ever would I even dream of leaving you! I don't think I can live without you.." he whispered softly back to him, leaning in to kiss him tenderly on the forehead. "I will always be your friend, no matter what happens! Don't ever think otherwise okay? And no.. I don't find you gross.. Quite the opposite actually.. you're soooooo.. Beautiful.." he whispered, before taking another deep breath, he still had some problems breathing, that punch.. Hmpf, but yeah well.. Sure.. He'd deserved it.. Right? Yes, very much..

"It was just.. Really hard.. Being near you.. All the time.. You made me go soooo.. And.. I.. And you was just soooo.. And.. You drove me completely nuts! Every inch of my body was aching for you.. You.. The one person in the world.. I could never have.. I couldn't even try.. To afraid of ruining our friendship, you know?" he said still looking at him.. But now pulling him in again, hiding Bens face at his neck, breathing in the sweet sent of his hair.. Damn..
"But it's okay.. Really.. We can still be friends, it's fine, I'm good with that.. I just.. Had to try.. Right? And you don't want.. That.. So.. Please.. Can we be friends??! I can't lose you.." he asked, feeling ever so small.. So stupid.. So.. Fucked up! And of cause he started to cry again, also sobbing away like Ben before.. Shit, they made a good team, ha'!?

Ben looked up at Cody when he was pulled back, with tears freely falling down his cheeks, and gross sobs still wrecking through his body. He never wanted to lose Cody, ever. Just the thought was horrible and coaxed a whimper out of him when the angel assured him that he wouldn't be left behind and that he wasn't gross, but rather beautiful. But Ben was just so... scared. Cody was the only really good thing he had left, and if he lost him, he didn't really have anything left.

When he was pulled into another tight hug, Ben put his arms tighter around the angel and nuzzled as close as he possibly could, still sobbing softly. It probably wasn't just this, it was a mix of many things. Everything he had kept hidden from everyone else in the past few months came rushing out, and he almost desperately grabbed Cody's shirt tightly in his hands, needing something, anything real to hold onto.

He really wanted to tell Cody everything he felt right now. But he was just so scared that it would change the other's mind. That he would ruin everything, and Cody would hate him forever. No, he couldn't even bear that thought. In fact, it made the crying even worse. But even so, he had enough of his mind left, to pull Cody over to the bed, and then down onto it. As soon as the angel was in place, Ben snuggled closer and laid still there until both of their breaths had calmed. It was only then, that he spoke up.
"I'm sorry," he whispered softly, pulling back slightly so he could look up at the angel again. Well... if Cody could be brave enough to tell Ben how he felt, Ben should be able to do the same thing right? "But I think you can do better than me. I mean, I'm just... Well, a common whore," he muttered, averting his gaze. He hadn't really told Cody, but he might as well just... ruin the whole thing right away. Get the hurting over with. "I... uhm... you know that I got a job as a stripper but... well, the thing is, my boss wanted me to do more and... you deserve better than that." He pulled back further now, not even close enough for them to touch. Honestly, he hoped Cody wouldn't think of him as disgusting, but he also got it, if he did so.

Come on you prat, pull it together! Be a man! - But the crying and the sobbing and all the miserable feelings just wouldn't stop. All he wanted was to stand there, arms around the boy, holding him tight like this, forever. If he and Ben pulled back, they would have to face reality, but right now, he just wanted to breath into his hair, live the fantasy, just one more second, please.
And when Ben finally pulled back, it actually hurt more than he had imagined. He had just gotten used to the thought of never letting go, ever again, and then reality hit him in the face! Much like Ben had hit him in the stomach, why had he done that? You know, you've been a lousy friend - Ture. He had to make up for that, but how?

Before he knew it he was pulled out of his thoughts and into the bed. Wait, he want to snuggle, now? Yes he did. And the crying beauty did indeed snuggle up beside him, so Cody still was able to hug his arms around him, and pull him close. It's weird, isen't it? - Only if you make it - And none appropriate thoughts!
The crying settled down, and the breathing was soon in control again, or almost.

"Don't be.. I understand" he whispered softly, at least he tried to. Why dosen't he want me?! - Sshhh don't, or you'll start crying again!
But it wasn't about that, not at all. Is he serious right now? Why would that amazing guy even start to think so? Cody was stunned by this! No way! "Don't say that.." He said, now gaining more of his voice back, not sounding as broken as before. But he couldn't have this, Ben was not allowed to demean himself, no one was! "No one is better than you Benjamin.." He said, trying to lock eyes with the siren, a bit difficult really, but he had to look him in the eyes for the next part.. He had to tell him not to think that of himself, or say it.. Or..

WAIT WHAT?!
If Ben hadn't pulled away, Cody would probably had banged his head together with his! He sat up, this was to heavy information to just.. Lay! Nono! He needed to stand up.. To pace around again!!!
"Do more, how, what, why? When?! Did he force you?!!! I'm gonna kick his butt!!!" okay, a bit stupid, and a bit angry, but oh well.. Yeah..
He got up.. Again, couldn't sit still.. What.. What.. What?!
But then he looked down at Ben.. That hurt look in his eyes..
And back he went, till he was standing in front of him, leaning in over him, finally locking eyes with those.. Beautiful.. Grey.. Stars!
"Don't.. Say.. That.." he now whispered, before closing up the air between them, and leaving a somewhat gentle kiss on Ben's lips, okay, more lovingly than gentle really, he was to upset to be gentle right now! But still, you could feel the passion and the love of it anyway.

He pulled back, gazing at him as before. "If you wanna be a prostitute, fine! But if he's forcing you into this.. It's not okay! Okay?! Like.. I don't care about the stripping.. Or the gay stuff.. I was only pulling away that day.. So you wouldn't feel.. That.. Eh.. That I had a.. Hard on.. Cause.. You're making me go.. Crazy.. Why did you have to be this hot anyway?! Like.. Really! The times I dreamed about.. You private-dancing me.. But.." he said.. Wait? Hmmm? - Stay on topic!! - "But.. If some creepy disgusting man is making you do.. Stuff.. That you don't wanna do.. I'm gonna.. I.. I'm gonna kick his butt, okay! Course he can't do that!! I won't have it!" he told Ben, before he straighten up, and left the bed side to go pull the door open. "You.. Are you coming, or??" he asked, looking back at Ben, finally letting the guy speak..

Ben sat up slowly when Cody pulled back, pulled his legs up to his chest and laid his arms around them. He averted his gaze, looking over at the window while waiting for the angel to show disgust his disgust and in return, Ben just curled up to make himself as small as possible. His psyche really wasn't in shape to do any of this right now, he was so emotionally drained from everything that happened around him. But luckily, Cody didn't throw slurs at him - something that should make Ben happy, really. But the fact that the angel wanted revenge for what was done to him was worrying, and Ben knew it wouldn't end in a good way if he let him.

The thoughts were put to a halt though, as Cody pressed his lips against Ben's once more and he closed his eyes as he reciprocated the action. He reached up to gently grip the angel's hair and use it as leverage to deepen it. At least until the angel pulled away to speak. He kept his hand there though, gently running his fingers through the angel's short hair as he spoke.
A smile broke through the tears as well as a soft chuckle, when Cody got off-track, talked about his thoughts of Ben, his fantasies. It should probably be a little unnerving to Ben to know his best friend had these thoughts about him for god knows how long. But for now, he decided to take it more like a compliment, than anything to be worried about.

Seemed like he had plenty of other things to worry about though, as Cody got up, ready to go confront Jeremiah. The smile disappeared and Ben quickly got up to grab Cody's hand, as if to hold him away form the door. "Please Cody, not tonight. I promise I'll go talk to him soon, just... not right now... and not while you're there," he said adamantly, not about to back down.

I was not like he didn't want to calm down, or just let it go - it was just. All the emotions had gotten the best of him - too suppressed and too underestimated for too long! He couldn't do it any longer, not even for a second - it had already exploded, and now he needed to just do something about it. Couldn't just stand by and do nothing! No - that
But then Ben's warms fingers slipped into his, and all the rage just - like - disappeared. Suddenly he felt more confused and disoriented. Turing around to face the beautiful siren, with a more gentle express on his face.
To settle it, he took a deep breath, trying to get all the madness to stop - was he scaring Ben? Fuck!

"I'm sorry - " he whispered softly, looking down on their hands - feeling a bit ashamed of himself - but also, the hand-holding made him so warm inside - confusing!
"I just don't want you to get hurt" he replied, looking back up again, into the most beautiful eyes on the plant - on all the plants! "You know, you have the most dazzling eyes I've ever seen" he said, taking a step closer to Ben, not sure to close the door behind him, should he leave? It was late? But? Should he stay? I can't ask that!
So - he would wait. Please don't kick me out?

Ben blushed. He didn't know why, he had gotten plenty of compliments on his looks since the day he was born, and especially about his eyes. Sure, they didn't have a cool or vibrant colour like other sirens, but that didn't stop the compliments. For some reason, this time felt different though. Maybe because of Cody's confession? He still didn't know what to make of it. Sure, just rolling with it and dating Cody was an option, but... could he really do that? He didn't know how to be a good boyfriend, in fact, he hadn't been in an actual real relationship ever - Cody deserved someone who knew how to date!

But he knew... that he didn't want to throw Cody to the curb. He couldn't do that, he cared too much. So instead, Ben pulled Cody closer by his hand, not breaking eye contact once, even though they were standing pretty close together now. "Do you want to stay the night? It's pretty late and you must be tired," he asked, avoiding to talk about feelings for now. That shit was too complicated, and he just knew he wanted Cody back in his life now. That, and he wanted to wait to make any sort of decision until both of them had slept.

Eyes growing a bit bigger as he was pulled closer to Ben - shit, is he going to kiss me? Should I kiss him? Does he even want to be kissed? By me? Should I say something? Should I..
A small bright red color painted his cheeks with insecurity, when Ben asked him that.
Do I? DO I?! Well I guess, I am pretty tired, and it is pretty late.. Buuuuut..
His pulse was defiantly going up, actually it was going crazy - every single thought about what could happen, if he stayed, was running through his mind - creating absolut chaos.
It all circled down to one question in particular - one of those terrifying 'what if' - questions. What if - he wants to do... It.. - Scary as hell!

He wanted it so bad, he was terrified by the thought of actually getting it? If that made any sense at all. Like.. He had dreamed about being with Ben for so long now! Was it really possible it could be more than a dream - now?
Not that he was afraid that Ben wouldn't live up to his imagination, he was absolutely sure Ben would do even better, than in his shitty fantasies. But.. That's exactly the point you see.. In the fantasies Cody did good as well.. But in reality? Pretty sure I'm gonna suck.. He'll be so disappointed.. I know nothing - maybe he'll laugh?
And to be the laughing stock?! Nono.. He wouldn't be able to handle something like that.

But. Would he ever be able to tell the beautiful siren no? Seemed kinda impossible, I just can't say no to him.. Shit I'm gonna have a heart attack!

"Yes please.."

A small smile made its way to Ben's lips. Not a smirk or grin, an honest smile, as he pulled Cody back to his bed where he sat down. He scooted over, so he was closest to the wall and got under the covers. He lifted them up to urge the angel to come with him under the covers, and as soon as he did, he cuddled up to him to lay down with his head on the angel's chest and an arm around his waist. The music from the pause screen was playing in the background, but honestly, Ben didn't want to find the remote, so he didn't care all that much.

With a soft sigh, he closed his eyes, gently nuzzling his cheek against Cody's chest. He wanted to be fine with just this, but as he laid there, his thoughts kept going back to Cody's confession and he was oh so conscious of how close they were, how warm the angel was and how long it had been since he last had the company of someone where they did more than just hang out. But... was Cody even interested in more if they weren't dating? Probably not, he was an angel after all.
But Ben was a siren, and had a nasty habit of tempting people to have sex with them, so that didn't necessarily stop him. Slowly he sneaked a hand up under Cody's shirt to gently play with the short fine hairs of his stomach. He followed the trail of slightly coarser hair that was leading from his bellybutton and down to the edge of the angel's pants. He wasn't that terrible about it though - his hands stayed outside of Cody's pants!

Cody followed Ben back to the bed, sat down beside ham, and slowly kicked his shoes off - as he could feel the tension build - fuck.. He unzipped his jacket and pulled it off - a bit clumsy to say the least, as his fingers was shaking, probably because of the unnatural speed his heart now was pumping at. His whole body seemed to be on hight alert, even though he tried to calm it down, telling himself: it's not like that, it's late, he's tired, I'm tired - we're only going to sleep! It didn't help very much though - it was like his body had a mind of it's own.
Slowly he climbed under the blanket and laid down beside Ben - all tense and stiff. Jesus, pull yourself together man, it's not like you haven't done this before, you guys cuddles all the time!!
Yes, but never like this before, right? Not with all his feelings, and all his fantasies out there? I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have said anything, now I ruined it all..

He tried to relax and just close his eyes, but even when he did, he wasn't relaxed at all!
Not that he didn't like it, because he did, he loved it - but when Ben snuggled up to him, it was like his heart was trying to go straight thought his chest, with all that heavy beating, shit, I might have a heart attack!!
Even so, he couldn't, not respond, right? So he eased his arm around Ben, slowly placing his shaking fingers against the sirens back, trying to hide the shaking by gently caressing him.

He might have gotten to the relaxing part, or almost - if not Ben had tried to - what? His heartbeat was slowly getting back into it's normal phase, and now - just this tiny touch, and it was beating like hell again.
Actually he just froze, not even close to knowing what to do, or feel, or say?! It's noting.. It doesn't have to mean anything! Jeez! But it did, it so did.. He had never.. Not like that.. Not there!
And as Ben's hand moved closer to his - holy place? He felt the well-known feeling of.. All the blood in his body, rushing towards once place in particular.. As it often did - when he was with Ben.
Luckily the lights were off, or else Ben would have seen the garish red color that now had settled all over his face. "Uhm?" he whispered in husky voice, as he with his free hand, got a hold on Ben's wrist, and slowly pulled his hans out form under his shirt, gently replacing it his chest. "Sorry" he said, not really aware of why he was sorry, or why he didn't want Ben's hand where it was before - what is wrong with me?!

Ben wasn't disappointed that his hand was moved away by Cody, just maybe a little embarrassed that he had started feeling his best friend up. What was wrong with him? Cody had always been off-limits, Ben had always told himself that. The fact that the reasoning behind it was, that he had always believed the angel to be 100% straight, was not important. He was still Ben's friend and nothing more.

He gently took Cody's hand in his own and moved it up to gently kiss his knuckles. "It's fine, don't apologise," he whispered, before pushing himself up on his elbow, so he could look up at Cody. "Are you okay with this? Cuddling with me, that is," he asked, a little worried about his best friend. "I can go sleep on the couch if you're not comfortable with it, I don't mind," he added, offering him a small smile. He didn't know what to do about all of this himself, but he knew that he didn't want to lose his best friend over it. He would do anything to keep the angel in his life, even if it meant distancing himself until Cody was okay with him again.

He was kinda speechless, is that even possible, to make yourself speechless?? Why! Whyyyy! I want him so bad, and he just, he just showed me that he wanted me to? Right? Right??? So why the hell had he pushed him away like this, it was so incredible stupid.
But oh well, of cause there was a reason behind. Should he try and tell him? But how did he explain that? He just gave him a silent nod - to start with at least, until Ben got up on the albue to stare down at Cody, and his embracing red face - jeez! "Oh yeah, nono it's fine - don't go!" He tried, but it came out just a bit to desparate - fuck.

"I just, I can't, It's.. Uhmmm.. I don't just wanna be another number to you, okay? I'm sorry, I don't wanna hurt your feelings but - we both know, you've been around.. And I.. I havn't.. Ever.. So It's kinda.. It's speciel to me.. And maybe if.. If you liked me too.. But you don't so.. And I don't wanna be a bootycall.. So.. Even though, you're so.. Gorgeous.. And I want you so much.. I.. No I'm sorry, shouldn't have said that.. But yes.. Or I mean.. I don't even know what I mean.. I just.. Can't.." He blurted out.

Ben was still up on his elbow while Cody said what he had on his mind, and while he listened, he gently squeezed the angel's hand, urging him to speak his mind. And honestly, Ben wasn't mad about what Cody said. He was right, both of them knew that Ben was... well, up for just about anything with just about any guy who intrigued them. Maybe he could blame some of it on the lack of a fatherly figure in his life, the fact that he had been raped or his race, but it was still his choice to sleep with all those guys.

So instead of retaliating and saying that Cody was at fault, Ben just nodded, before reaching up to gently cup the angel's cheek in his hand, pushing his head slightly so their eyes could meet one more. "It's completely fine that you don't want it, I don't want to push you, but please don't say that I don't like you. I love you more than anyone else, okay? But I'm just... I'm not boyfriend material," he admitted, sighing softly before moving his hand from the angel's face, back down to his chest. "I'm the guy people take home to fuck. Not for me to stay there. I'm not worth that kind of feelings, especially not from a perfectly nice guy like you. You can do so much better than me." It hurt to admit the truth, that he didn't believe he was worth loving, but it was true none the less. Cody could do way better. Guy or girl, there were plenty who would be a better match for him.

"Anyway, you must be tired from your trip, so how about we just sleep for now? We can talk about this tomorrow," he said, chuckling softly as he averted his gaze to his own hand, before he pulled back a little and laid down, now with a little more distance between them. He didn't want to make Cody more uncomfortable around him.

"What?" He whispered back at Ben, just a bit confused - but he.. But he.. Didn't he just reject me, like 5 seconds ago?
Confused he just gazed a bit mesmerised into those beautiful grey eyes - or, until Ben used the word 'fuck' and he couldn't help but frown a bit - even though he was kinda used to Ben's language and - eh - his colourful lifestyle, right? It was just, not really a word he would ever use himself.
"Wait.. No.." he muttered, as he passed the blankets away to sit up. He moved around to look at Ben, before he took a deep frustrating breath. "Hnnnng, it's so hot in hear, right? I'm burning up!" He said, pulling his shirt over his head, and kinda awkward, half sitting and half laying down, pulled his pants and socks off too.

"Are you really trying to tell me, that you think you're not good enough for me?!" He said, a bit more intense, turning around to face Cody again, almost kicking their covers to the floor, as he turned around in the bed once again. "Honestly?" He whispered, trying to believe this himself. "But you are.. You so are.. More than that.. And no.. No I can't and I won't do better than you, I want only you - it's been that way ever since I.. I saw you that first time, and as we grew older I just.. Fell in love with you - every day I love you even more than the last.. There is.. Only you, no one else - you or nothing.." He said, still looking into those beautiful eyes -
"And of cause you're wroth if, and you deserve someone who doesn't push you out in the morning, someone who actually cares about you, and wants you to stay for breakfast? Someone.. You love, and that loves you back? You're wroth so much.. So so much - I mean that, just beautiful - inside and out.." He said more gentle leaning towards Ben, so close - and held his breath.

Ben was a little surprised when Cody suddenly sat up to take off his clothes, and somehow a blush managed to reach Ben's pale features. He had always known Cody to be a pretty attractive guy, but Jesus fucking Christ, when did he become hot?! He didn't know if it was the stubble, the fact that he rarely saw the guy in anything less than a t-shirt and shorts, or because he now wasn't off-limit for Ben - at least not the way he was before... But he was just- wow, okay, just wow. Cody had somehow just become every physical trait Ben was attracted to in a matter of seconds.

He was quickly pulled out of his inner turmoil, brought onto him by Cody's now much more revealed body, when Cody started to talk about how he was worth it. And fuck, if Ben's face was pink before, it had to be burning red now. He never really had anyone say anything positive about him, unless it was about his looks. Because to most people, that was all he was, a good-looking guy. But here Cody was, not blind to his looks, but he didn't just focus on that. And Ben wanted to believe it was true, that he deserved more than just a quick fuck, and was worth more than a one night stand. However, years of just that, and a lifetime of being harassed because of his looks, made it hard to believe that he was more than a pretty face. His personality could attest to that, he had more or less adopted a cruel demeanour through the years, because it was just easier that way.

But then Cody leaned closer and Ben could just feel that little glimmer of hope grow - hoping that maybe he could become someone who deserved love. He might not be that someone right now, but maybe... "I... I don't know... I still don't feel like I deserve it, not after everything I've pulled you through... And I've never been in a relationship, what if I fuck something up? What if I'm not good enough? What if I- I can't get rid of my job? Or if someone tries to hurt you to get back at me?" All his worries just poured out of him, and it was obvious that it wasn't just him stalling, he was actually scared of potentially hurting Cody, or being the reason behind Cody getting hurt.

A protesting groan left his lips, as he finally exhaled - no more kissing for me, I guess.. A bit disappointed he backed away again, as it was very clear, that Ben was not going to kiss him - not. at. all.
Instead he sat up, and crossed his legs, trying a soft smile, as he looked away, a bit embarrassed and sad - but why would he kiss me.. He let out another long sigh of despair, trying to pull himself together, before the little voice, at the back of his head responded. How could he, when he thinks you're too good for him, too good for him to kiss.. Cody frowned a bit, trying to understand, but what should he do then? Shown him, that you're not.. That you're not too good for him, that you're just perfect for him.. That.. you're meant to be..

But.. No. Fine..

"Everything you'd pulled me through?? Well, I wouldn't have it any other way.. Pull me through anything you like, I'll never stop being here for you, I'll never leave you, I'm here. Good times, bad times - I'm here." He said a bit intensely, grabbing Bens hands, and clenching them a bit between he's own. "I've never been in a relationship either, I could as easily fuck it up as you, it's just a chance you'll have to take - But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste.." He whispered softly, leaning a bit closer.
"I'll help you then, and please don't worry about me, I can fend for myself - Anyways it was me who saved your life, not the other way around, I think I'll be fine" He said, looking into those beautiful eyes, getting a bit lost, just before he found the courage to ask: "and now, will you please kiss me, before I lose my mind?!"

Ben furrowed his eyebrows a bit, while Cody talked about why he was good enough for him, and that he didn't want anything else. But had he even thought realistically about it? And then he asked for a kiss... "Wha- I- no? Cody, life isn't just one long speech a true love's kiss or whatever and then everything is just fine and dandy! I'm a prostitute, I work for a vampire and an incubus, and I don't know how to get out of that!" he said, maybe a little more aggressively than needed. "Unless they decide to jump in a lake with me, I don't have a chance against them, and neither do you. I don't want to lose you because my bosses decide that your blood and soul would make a good meal, and I certainly don't want to get killed for trying to quit my job." He moved back from Cody, leaning his back against the wall, not looking over at his best friend.
"Besides, I'm not a good guy. Not by a long shot, and I wouldn't forgive myself if that rubbed off on you. For fuck's sake, I eat people, Cody! I'm a siren! I lure people in by batting my eyelashes at them and then I either drown them or eat them alive... What kind of angel would it make you, to date someone like that? His voice gradually got less loud, until it was just mumbling. He wasn't mad at Cody, of course not, he never really was... But he was genuinely scared of losing him. The thought of being the reason why Cody was hurt, or maybe even killed... He couldn't live with that. "And if I can't get out of my job... Well... No one wants to date a prostitute."

Cody let out a deep moan of suffering, as Ben denied him the kiss, to which he was longing so bad right now! Oh the need for those sweet soft lips!
Why not! Why couldn’t it be just about true love! Just this one time! Oh how he hated reality right now! Please just love me back, please just kiss me - and we’ll forget about the world, just for a little while! Please!!
But no.
He moved as Ben moved, sat up again, not caring about how exposed that made him, sitting there only in his boxers, while the blanket and the rest of he’s clothes was on the floor. Whatever. Maybe if the conservation hadn’t been this serious, and the topic a different one - maybe then he would’ve felt a bit embarrassed and probably gone all shy and red faced. But not now.

Stop, please stop.. But he could already feel it, how his eyes started to burn and sting, and after a few quick flicks with the eyelashes, tears was to be found, running endlessly down his pale cheeks.
”I shouldn’t have come here, I shouldn’t have told you..” he whispered softly, getting up from the bed, trying to find his clothes in the semi darkness, just so he could struggle to get it back on. The tears still running down his cheeks, now joined by an aching pain starting in his chest, soon to travel all the way though his body, filling him with a heartache like he’d never felled before.

”I.. ” he tried, getting his shoes back on, looking around trying to find his travel bag.. Not at all able to speak though the crying, it just.. it hurt so much, so much!! The pain was excruciating.
”I rather die, than to not be with you. And you know. You KNOW I don’t judged, if I did, even the slightest bit,  we wouldn’t even have been friends.. I don’t care about what you are, or what you do - as long as it makes you happy. But I do care about how much I love you regardless of these things, and how every day, no.. every second not being with you is.. Worse than any hell, I’ve ever known. So please don’t tell me that I can’t be with you just because I’m to pure or something stupid like that, I should have the option to decide that for myself, besides I’m not that innocent either..” The last words came out as a slow whisper, though the rest was said in a normal speaking voice.
So?
”I’m leaving now. But don’t worry I’ll help you with the job, even if the cost is my life and my soul.. The pain will still be less, than being alive knowing I can’t have you.. oh and at least it will make you happy, not having to do this job you don’t like.. win-win?” he said as he shruged his shoulder.. opening the door and grabbing his bag.. next stop: the strip club Ben worked at..

When Cody was finally done speaking, Ben too got up from the bed, obviously very frustrated, but also hurt. "You're not gonna help me, by going out there getting yourself killed! If you get hurt I... I wouldn't know what I would do okay?!" he almost yelled, tears starting to gather in his eyes. He wanted to go over there, hold the angel back, to pull him back into bed and just not let the real world bother them. To say that everything would be fine and not worry at all. But after everything he had been through because of Jeremiah, and that he knew Liam could be way scarier than he let on... Ben couldn't ignore it. And if he was to keep his cool and not just let his emotions get the better of him, it was probably better for Cody to leave. "If you want to leave, fine, and if you don't want to come back to me again, you're not the first one to do that, just... don't do something stupid or dangerous for me. I won't be able to forgive myself if you got hurt."