If you take my hand I'll show you peace

It wasn’t easy pretending that things were going to be okay. To lie to your pack members to reassure them that he had things under control when the reality was that he’d been completely out of it lately. It wasn’t easy knowing what he was supposed to do from now on. If he was going to be so consumed by his need to avenge Alicia that it would affect everyone around him again—that he’d end up failing the people who were in his life because of something that had happened in the past. If he was ever able to let it go.

Ashley had not only lost her husband, but she was now alone with a months-old baby. And for the first time, she’d asked Rafael to take care of him. Even if he hadn’t any prior experience with babies, he couldn’t say no. It didn’t matter what she’d asked of him, he wouldn’t have it in him to utter that word to her. Not with everything she was going through. Besides, how difficult could it be? Miles seemed mostly happy or sleepy whenever he’d seen him. Yet it hadn’t taken him more than two hours before he had to admit that it was indeed very difficult. He held Miles close to him with his head resting on his shoulder, humming a melody and rocking him softly. In the meantime his eyes scanned the list his mother had given him. But he hadn’t forgotten anything, and at this point, he’d tried about everything to stop him from crying. Some of which might have just made it worse. He briefly glanced to the phone on the counter, deliberating calling Ashley to get her advice, but not wanting to interrupt her either, let alone give her another thing to worry about. So, he thought of another potential savior first, remembering how great Mona always seemed to be around the younger wolves.

He grabbed a few things to shove into the bag he’d been given before he threw it over his shoulder, still holding the baby with one arm against the other as he headed outside. The walk seemed to distract Miles a little, making him forget to cry as he took in his surroundings. It made him almost think that it was all he needed until he stopped, and the baby looked at him, only to express some complaining groans that made him continue walking. It wouldn’t surprise him if the baby could sense his doubts about his ability to parent, or his extreme guilt for taking away the person he needed. Nor did it help that he looked nothing like his dad. Eventually, he reached Mona’s cottage and knocked on the door, letting out a silent exhale as she responded on the other side of the walls.
“Did you hear that, Milo? She’s coming to help.” It was just as much assurance for Miles as it was to himself. And then it went oddly silent, making him wonder what she was doing or if he was interrupting something. He glanced briefly towards the window to where the kitchen was when she continued to yell that she was on her way. Once the door opened, his eyes met hers but quickly lowered to her wet body, still dripping and with only one hand to keep the towel from falling. It wasn’t that he didn’t fully expect her to respond promptly if the pack was in an emergency, but it still impressed him whenever he got it confirmed. “I’m sorry that I came here, but I just can’t do it anymore. He won’t stop.” He glanced to a wailing Miles in his arms who had put his small hands against his shoulder as if trying to get away. “Do you have time?” he asked, not wanting to intrude on her evening if she had other plans, but he could really use her help. Even if it just meant an hour or until Miles fell asleep.

He raised a hand to free Miles’ grasp around a lock of his hair before he lifted him towards Mona. The medium-length waves were just long enough for him to reach. “I’ve tried everything. Fed him, changed him, played music for him—” he trailed off as he observed Miles quieting as he laid against Mona. First removing his hands from his body when he seemed secure in her arms. For a few seconds, he just looked between her and Miles. A little baffled by the immediate change in him. “Huh.” Supposedly he’d tried everything but this. Miles once again seemed as happy as he’d been when he was dropped off by his mother. He looked briefly to the wet spot of drool on the shoulder of his white t-shirt before his attention turned back to Mona. His brows rose briefly at her observation. “It’s that obvious?” His brows softened a little as he thought of how everyone must have seen him these past days. He knew that it was bad. That it had been written all over him on more than one occasion. But he’d tried to hide it and pretend that he had those emotions under control. Not wanting that to drag everyone else down.

He stepped inside her home and looked around the small space. He placed the bag with baby supplies by the wall before stepping further. “Tea is fine,” he responded. Tempting as it was to go for something stronger, he didn’t want to give in to alcohol when he was responsible for Miles. Knew he wasn’t strong enough to stop at just one. Knew he’d drink until he’d numbed his emotions and thoughts tremendously. He slouched down on the couch and braced his arms on his thighs as he leaned forward. He exhaled a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose at the ache in his head from all that screaming and crying. For someone with enhanced hearing, it was relieving to finally listen to the quiet of the forest again. To a Miles who now seemed content. “Thank you, by the way.” He turned his head to look at her. “Not just for this, but for helping Mal with the pack whenever I’ve run off. Supporting everyone through this.” He gestured a palm into the air before he leaned back in the seat, placing his arm alongside the backrest. He’d been drinking and getting into fights. He’d run off on last week’s full moon, left his pack alone for most of the night, and burned down part of the forest. So yeah. He wouldn’t know what he’d done if he didn’t have them.

If Mona had seen right through it, he knew they all had. Still, that half-choked laugh only emphasized just how stressed he must have seemed. He tilted his head as he looked at her, not taking it to heart. In fact, he’d always loved her light-heartedness. Her positive energy had been much needed the past days, and whenever she’d been around, he’d felt that. How the worst of his worries had seemed to lift from his shoulders, and how it seemed like everything was going to be okay because he had people like her in his life.

His gaze followed her as she came over and sat down next to him. She always had a way of saying what he needed to hear, yet he had been reluctant to get close to her in the past. Knowing that he had been to blame for her family falling apart. “I won’t.” Even though he might have wondered what she even saw in him. How she’d been so accepting of his arrival despite her father’s murder, even if it only was natural for werewolf alphas to challenge each other. He wouldn’t forget that she’d still been there for him whenever he needed her.
His lips barely tugged in their corners as she touched his cheek, not quite able to break through the melancholy. “You already do a lot.” She was always willing to take on responsibilities in the pack and take care of everyone. Besides, he wasn’t used to asking for help with his personal problems. To have someone he felt that he could trust with those things. Every time he’d tried to resort to someone when he was young, it always ended up with him being screwed over. And when he finally thought he’d met a person he could give himself fully to, she screwed him over as well. He didn’t know if he dared let his guards down like that with anyone again.
“But I was looking for an opportunity to ask you what you think I should do about Alicia.” Not how he was supposed to deal with or even eliminate the threat per say, but more what she thought would be the best decision for the pack as a whole. “I’m still going to bring vampires in to sustain our reputation and ensure they keep off our territory. But I guess I’m just worried about the consequences of hunting her again.” He didn’t so much care what happened to him as he cared about ensuring his pack would survive. In fact, he wished Alicia had just ended his life instead of Nickolas. Because right here was a kid who needed his father, and he felt that he was responsible for taking that away from him.

A more genuine smile spread on his lips as she made Miles giggle, watching her interaction with him for a moment, and it made him wonder why a girl like her was still single. All kinds of guys surely stood in line for her. She had more wife potential than most girls he knew. It wasn’t like him, where the only thing girls seemed to want was the idea of him. Not the commitment. “I think he just really likes you.” For one thing, her calm energy had to be a welcomed change compared to his own.

Rafael leaned forward, about to get up from his seat to help her with the cups of tea when he saw that she managed to balance holding Miles and both cups. Looking much more flawless and natural than he ever would. Doing it while only wearing a towel, no less. His brown eyes lowered to Miles as he was placed in her lap, sending him a gentle smile as he looked up at him with his big blue eyes. But when Mona spoke, he looked back at her. He’d always wanted to deal with Alicia on his own. For the issue to be dealt with between the two of them and to avoid dragging others into it. If anyone was going to get hurt because of his need for revenge, it should be him. But Alicia didn’t share those same views. And whether he wanted it or not, the attack on Nickolas had already dragged his pack into it. Now more than ever.

He looked away from her when she mentioned that she knew he blamed himself, that he believed it was supposed to have been him dying that night. It was most likely not something he’d ever not think, but he had to try to move on from it, knowing that there was nothing he could do to change the past.
“You’re right.” He returned his eyes to her, feeling reassured by her words, and he truly appreciated her ability to redirect his focus on what was important. “I guess I’ve just been so caught up in pursuing her on my own, that I forgot how much it affects all of you. That there’s no such thing as keeping you out of it entirely.”
Rafael had no doubt that they’d be stronger if they fought her together. It was how they’d fought off similar threats in the past. But for now, the most important thing was to overcome this loss and strengthen the pack from within.

His eyes lowered to Miles with a hint of sadness in them, thinking of the day when they’d have to tell him what happened to his father. That both of their fathers had been killed by the same vampire. And he wanted more than anything to stop that circle of evil. For the sake of werewolves everywhere.  
However, it wasn’t long before his attention was drawn to her attire, and he realized how much of a jerk he’d been for letting her take Miles before she got a chance to get dressed. Too caught up in his own thoughts at the time. It wasn’t like they both weren’t comfortable in their bodies, but sitting this close to her under these circumstances, he couldn’t help but feel differently about it. Already feeling his temperature rise at the thought of the towel accidentally slipping down. “Do you want me to take Milo for a while?” he offered, giving her a chance to change into something else, not specifically hinting at it in case she felt comfortable as it was. But at least he’d feel less of a jerk for giving her the opportunity. “I’m really not that bad,” he said to Miles as he looked at him, appearing as calm as possible. “Just ask aunt Mona.” A vague smile spread on his lips as he lifted his eyes to Mona, hoping that being around her had been enough to cheer Miles up.