Is it to late for apologies

Date | 28th of March 2022
Time | Late, around 10pm
Weather | Pouring down and thundering in the far distance
Place | Thomas place
Attire | Dark blue jeans and a crème cardigan buttoned up, a black leather jacket and a scarf, hair in a loose bun and she is completely drenched

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Priscilla had always been a stubborn and proud woman; she knew what she wanted and took it without listing to what people around her were telling her to do or not to do. But as of late, it was like her bright colours of who she was, were slowly dimming, leaving nothing but a shell. Running around collecting bounties and completely forget herself in her work, she had neglected the most important job of all. The part of motherhood, checking in on how her daughter and son were doing after almost a year. Completely radio silence after she had finally managed to track her brother down only to be send packing at the door. So, the proud woman was pushed over the edge, feeling how fear were spreading in her chest almost making it impossible for her to breathe. Why? Because she feared that Thomas would just close the door in her face and tell her to get the hell away from his property. But after the day she had been having, all she really needed was just to come home, even if it wasn’t her home anymore. Even if she was living in a small rundown apartment a little out of southsides borders. Stealing her nerves, she finally walked up to the door and knocked on it. If she didn’t do something, she might never be able to get a relationship with her children, which was something she didn’t dare to lose, not anymore, not when she finally could see clearly about what was the most important.

A gentle kiss was placed on Claire's forehead before he got up from his position on the floor. He folded the book together and took it with him out, letting the door stay ajar so a little bit of light stayed inside the dark room, filled with green stars on both the loft and the walls. He put the book in one of the bookshelves when he heard someone knock on the door. He furrowed his brows for a moment, even after he had picked up who’s scent it was. What was she doing here?
He walked over to the door and unlocked and opened it. He could see that she was sad, and he hated how he wished to comfort her and tell her to get inside. But the kids deserved better. Benjamin’s birthday was just around the corner, and Claire… Well, Claire was maybe even the one who had it the worst with not seeing her mother. “Hi.”

Well, first step had been taken, he opened the door and greeted her. He could just have told her to leave without even looking at her. It could have been so easy, couldn’t it? Her eyes closed for a moment, hiding the silver eyes that reflected the pouring rain. “Hi” she whispered, before looking back up, not that her eyes could stay on him for very long. Not with the guilt that washed over her almost knocking her out of course. He had always been able to make her feel things that she tried to hide away. Pushing her over her own comfort zone.
With a small breath, she gathered her thoughts. Even though she had used most of the car drive over here to think about what she wanted to say to him, she had suddenly lost all her words. “I” she closed her eyes again “I wanted to come by and - and … I’m sorry” she breathed folding her lips together, before actually turning her eyes and looked him into his. Actually, taking him in and feel how something twisted around her heart. Fuck.

She closed her eyes, which made him look down for a moment. She didn’t even know what to say. But a greeting was whispered, and he looked back up at her. He could see that it was difficult for her, and she felt guilty for the things that had happened. She had trouble looking him in his eyes. He understood why she felt like that, and if he had been in her shoes, it might not have been much different. He let her take her time. How ever long she needed. She had come her for a reason, right?
She apologized. He took a shallow breath in before he took a step back and opened the door more for her. “I accept your apology. Come in. I’ll make you some tea,” he told her waiting patiently for her to get inside so he could close and lock the door after her. There was no reason to let all the warm air get out of the house. If she hesitated, he would insist with a hand gesture.
He would then enter the kitchen and turn on the electric kettle before he turned his back against the counter and rested himself against it. “She asks for you,” his voice was soft, knowing very well that Claire’s door stood a little ajar in the hall. It wasn’t because their daughter was awake, but it was almost a weekly discussion Thomas and Claire had to have. Where is mom?

Her throat hurt when she swallowed, almost not comprehending that he decided to forgive her; just like that. Not that she trusted it fully, because she knew she wouldn’t have been as accepting had she been in his shoes, so she would also have understood if he had told her that it was too late for that now. Nodding, she walked over the threshold without saying anything. Her eyes scanning the house, it didn’t seem different and yet in a way it was almost like she was stepping into a stranger’s house. Her tongue glided over her wet lips before she started taking of pieces of clothing trying to hang it so it would drip on the mat instead of the floor. After she took of her shoes she saw just how wet her socks were and ended up taking those off as well. She stepped into the kitchen letting her arms hug around her feeling less than her confident self as he told her that she asked for her. It was almost enough to make her fall apart right then and there, but she held it together even managed a little smile. “Yeah?” she heard herself say, shaking her head a little over the fact how stupid she sounded. “How is she doing?” she asked, feeling like she was going to burst from everything she wanted to ask and tell him, and at the same time her tongue felt like it had tied knots on itself.

Forgiving wasn’t equal with forgetting. It still hurt to think about what the kids had to go through, but he could forgive her for the things she had done towards him. The things that had happened as a follow up from Priscilla’s leave was something she had to work on with them if she would even be able to reach Benjamin. If things were going to be working at all, they would have to work on things together. Not that they necessarily found a relationship again, but maybe, hopefully something where the kids could have a mother again. Was she even ready to see her children? What did she want from her apology? There were many underlying questions, which were to be answered at some point.

When Priscilla took of her clothing, he noticed how she was careful not getting the floor wet, and how her socks were wet. Even though it was unspoken, he naturally started thinking about finding her socks and warming her feet. Even though everything happened so naturally in his head, it wasn’t equal to what one had to do, so he waited with giving her all kinds of love.
He could see how the smile was difficult to pull off which was why he pushed himself away from the counter and approached her after she had replied. “She’s still good friends with Marie-” he replied pulling on a soft smile before he let his hands gently wrap around her arms. His hands were so much warmer than her arms. “She’s energetic and happy with her,” he said, which was partially true. “But she still struggles with why you’re not here,” he elaborated. The caretakers had even mentioned that they believed she might need to see a psychiatrist, but it was a work in progress, after all, he had to be certain that someone looked after Benjamin while he could go with her to the doctor.

Her eyes saw how he moved towards her, feeling how her pulse picked up speed and her heart the same. Cursing at herself for letting her body show him, just how many emotions this was putting her through. Then she looked up, almost matching the same energy he put in his smile as he explained how their daughter was doing. Then his hands touched her, and for a moment she had almost forgotten how it felt to be near someone like this. Of course, she had spent time with Joseph, but not like this, not where she felt - like this. Priscilla swallowed again, closing her eyes as she almost commanded in her own head that she was not about to cry in front of him. Nodding when he explained how Claire was struggling that she wasn’t around. It made sense, of course it did. Still didn’t make it easy to hear. She wanted to promise she would come by more often, that she would be the mother that Claire deserved, but it wasn’t as easy as that. There needed to put a lot of work in, that Priscilla knew. Pris let her silver eyes look up, find his; shit he was close. She just stood there, looking at him having absolutely no idea what the hell she was supposed to do know.

She didn’t reply. She didn’t need to. He could read it off her. She was sorry and she wanted to do better. It was difficult for her. Now, he had never really had the chance to get into her second life, and had never really understood it, which might have been one of the reasons why things had gotten so heated. “You should know, that if you want to make up to everything, it’s going to take a lot of your time, because Claire won’t accept something half-hearted,” he said and poked her sternum very gently. Priscilla had to be there a lot to make up to this, “And even if you give it your all, I can’t promise that she will forgive,” he mentioned for her. Now, he knew how to sugarcoat things. He had just done that with Claire’s situation, but some things were better not to be sugarcoated, because if Priscilla was expecting to come back half-assed, it was only going to cause more scars than heal.

Pris nodded slowly as he kept talking, taking her silence as understanding what he was going on about. Because she did, understand that was. Swallowing again she heard how the kettle announce that it was done boiling the water, but she didn’t want him to leave, not just yet. So, her hand grabbed the one that had poked her sternum feeling his warm hand heat up her own very cold and clammy hand. “I never came here to be forgiven” she whispered, hearing how her voice was riddled with emotion. Clearing it she closed her eyes letting out a small breath. “I lost my brother when I was quite young, and I finally found him, only to be send packing - he didn’t, he didn’t want anything to do with me” she spoke but quickly added to it, because she didn’t want him to interrupt, if she needed to not half ass this, or come back half-heated it meant opening up about the life she had been leading without having Thomas to have anything to do with it. “I lost myself for a while, which is why I went off the grid, but, but I want to do better, I can do better - and I want to be a part of their lives again, and make it up to them for the rest of their lives” she could feel how tears pressed against the corners of her eyes, but she managed to keep them at bay while she watched his reaction to her words. “I know this will not fix us, but I’m ready to just live one life, and become the mother that they deserve”

She took her hand, and he naturally wanted to let his hand close around hers to warm her fingers. Words left her lips, and it was now his turn to feel how his stomach felt uneasy and a little heat underneath the eyes, not that it was turning into anything else. He listened to the story about her brother and how he had rejected wanting any relation to her. Even though he was certain that it wasn’t the same, he felt like he could relate to her story. He felt like he had lost Adonis when Adonis had gone crazy and had been shunned. She made sure to continue. He could almost hear it in the way that she spoke. She wanted to get things off her chest, so he kept his mouth shut. There wasn’t much of a reaction to her words because everything she said sounded like she had a but. Something, that made it difficult to get back into their lives. “See, that sounds like a promise,” he said when she mentioned that she knew that it wouldn’t fix them, but that she felt ready to live one life. He gave her hand a small comforting squeeze. “When do you start?” he wondered with a small smile. Now, he loved his children, but sometimes he missed those quiet afternoons by himself; with his cup of coffee and a piece of cake.

She laughed despite herself. She had missed that. Her laugh and how he always managed to get her to lighten up, even when she was angry and pissed as hell. The laugh was short lived as she let out a small sigh and closed her eyes for a moment. “As soon as you’ll let me?” she answered quite honestly, knowing that he was the best judge of when Claire was ready for her to re-enter her life, and how it should go down. If they should meet someplace more neutral than his house. She took her hands back and let them grab around the counter behind her instead almost in a try to ground herself of the overwhelming feelings that was rushing through her. But also, to prevent her from doing anything that would be pushing her luck in all of this. Because if she was being honest, it wasn’t only the kids she had missed. It was him.

He pulled a small smile when she mentioned that she wanted to start as soon as he would let her. He mostly thought about what would be best for the kids, and not that much what he needed or wanted. “I’ll get back to you on that,” he said tilting his head a little forward, for her to know that he meant it. He wasn’t going to leave her hanging, and even if, she knew where they lived if she got impatient with a reply. She took her hands back and he took a slow step away. “What about you make the tea, and I’ll fetch you some warm socks, hm?” he offered, raising a brow. He also wished to check that they hadn’t woken any of the kiddos. After all it could take a while for kids to fall asleep, and if you left too early, the kid would just wake up again. Sadly, he had a feeling that Claire might have woken up from the conversation or the laugh that had spilled. He didn’t think it would be the best idea to let her world of trust and idols fall all around this late on a weekday.

The small sliver of a smile formed over her lips as he told her that he would get back to her on that. She understood, and therefore didn’t say anything about the fact that it was soon Benjamin’s birthday. Three years already? Letting out a small breath she nodded when asked if she could make the tea, then looking down at her bare feet when he said that he would find her some warm socks. “Oh, yeah, sure” she chuckled not really minding walking around without any socks on, but if she was being honest, she was rather cold. “Thank you” she added letting her eyes follow him as he walked out of the room. Then turning around and looking up at the ceiling cursing at herself in her head, maybe she should have chosen a better time to come by than this hour. Normal people hour! Like when it was light, and feelings were easier to deal with, or something. Fuck. Shaking her head she walked over and started finding the tea and cups, and poured it over looking at how the water changed colour.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a soft voice, keeping himself from caressing her. He walked out the room, past the children’s rooms and into his own. It had been odd for so long when she had moved out. He found some socks and simply stood with them for a second, before he heard some footsteps. Small ones. He turned his head towards the open door and heard how the door to Claires room opened. Slowly he exited his own bedroom to notice that Claire was on her way to his bedroom. She carried a frown, and her cheeks were flushed. “Good evening, princess,” he spoke softly, which made the small girl take a few quicker steps with her arms out, just for him to squat down and pick her up into his arms. “Why are you not in you chambers?” he asked his daughter and kissed her forehead while she threw her arms around his neck. She spoke into his neck, making the words quite unclear, unless one held her. “I am not going anywhere,” he spoke softly to her and walked towards her room. “I am home all night, protecting you from all the dragons and evil stepmoms,” he told her and removed some of the long light hair that revealed her light skin. “Do you want to try and sleep again?” The little girl wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, shaking her head. A light chuckle left him, and he caressed her, “But princess, if you do not go to sleep all your subjects will be wondering why you’re late for the morning gathering,” he explained to her and pulled his head back to try and look at her, luckily, she leaned back and placed both hands on his cheeks.
“But that’s going to make Mister Whiskers sad,” she mumbled.
He nodded, “And Hippo-Pot is going to try and take your throne,” he tried to convince her.
She gasped loudly. “Not Hippo-Pot!” she exclaimed.
He hushed her with a chuckle, “Prince Benjamin is sleeping,” he whispered to her, and she put her hands in front of her mouth giggling. He finally entered her room and walked over and put her back onto her bed. “Let me just find Mister Whiskers,” he said and looked around in the room before he found the grey cat-teddy with frizzy whiskers and handed it to her. “And where is Hippo-Pot?” he wondered where she pointed towards a box of toys, “Do you want me to put him in prison for tonight?” he then asked, only to see her daughter nod. What you didn’t do to make your daughter sleep tight. He approached the toy box and opened it and fiddled around until he found the purple and pink hippopotamus. He put on a show, acting like he was fighting the hippopotamus until he finally managed to put him into a LEGO build prison on the top shelf. He whipped fake sweat of his forehead and exhaled before he walked over to his daughter. “There we go, princess. Now you can sleep tight and know that your throne is protected for yet another day,” he assured her and kissed her forehead, making a bubbly grin leave her while she found her way underneath the covers with her cat-teddy.
“Goodnight, my brave knight,” she whispered, followed by a giggle.
“Good night,” he spoke softly before he got up and exited the room. “Do you want the door open?”
“No, it’s okay,” she whispered, which made him close the door and walk back to the kitchen to hand Priscilla the socks.

Priscilla stopped halfway through pouring the hot water, one cup was already doing its magic. But the steps and voice of her daughter had stopped her completely in her tracks. She wanted nothing more to be the one that was doing all of the things that Thomas doing now. Making sure that she was put back to bed, joking and making her laugh. It was like someone plunged a cold knife into her heart, her eyes changed slightly in colour and she could hear thunderclaps in the distances as thicker and darker clouds came rolling over the area she was currently in. A light flash lit up the whole area she was standing and then an enormous crack from the lightning that had struck not far from the house. Her hands placed over her eyes, and she could feel how tears had started sliding down her cheeks, a slow, almost painful sob left her; what was she even doing? She forgot where she was and slid down to sit on the floor, folding her legs against her chest and placed her head against her knees. The rain to a turn and it now poured down as if it was monsoon season.

Thomas noticed how the weather changed, but he had to focus on the task at hand, to cheer his daughter up, hoping that it would make her calm down enough to fall asleep. Having blackout curtains for the night, Claire didn’t seem to be worked up about the light, but instead grabbed some headphones which were much too big for her small head, to cover her ears, knowing that the big thunderclaps could keep her awake. It was also the only reason why Thomas was able to leave his daughter in the room. She felt safe when she couldn’t hear those big bangs.
As he got back into the kitchen, he firstly wondered where Priscilla had gone, but noticed how one of the cups had been filled. He entered the kitchen and walked towards the electrical kettle, only to notice Priscilla was sitting on the floor between the main wall of the kitchen and the kitchen island. “Pris, hey...” he spoke and sat down next to her but turned so  their fronts were towards each other, “I understand,” he said and let a arm gently caress her shoulder before he with a small pull, pulled her closer to pull her into his embrace, and wrap both of his arms around her. “I know,” he whispered.

A small, chocked sob left her, as he spoke her name. It was so soft, so understanding. And all she could think about, what that she didn’t deserve his kind way of speaking her name. But as he caressed her shoulder, and pulled her closer, she finally moved and let her arms fold around his neck moving her legs so she could get even further into his embrace. Maybe it was the fact that he had always managed to break down her barriers. That he found a way to pull that innocent girl out of her, that just wanted love and affection. He, as of right now, was the only one that managed to find that woman that was sitting in his embrace right now, that folded her arms around his neck and repositioned her head, so her nose was pressed against his neck. The tears had stopped, and she licked her lips tasting the salt from those that had fallen. “I missed you” she whispered, for a moment not even sure that the words had left her.

She clung onto him. He didn’t mind it. She really needed comfort and he felt more or less used to comfort his children, it was just something different when it was Priscilla. She wasn’t just a child. She knew what consequences her actions had and knew what one could do to correct the faults that had been made and that even though, it might not correct anything at all. He let her take all the time she needed and was simply there if she needed him, caressing her ever so gently. She whispered softly. “I have missed you too,” he whispered a little louder to her and let a hand stroke over her hair. “We just have to take things slow, hm?” he said and cradled her a little. “Where do you stay at the moment?” he wondered with a soft voice, not that he wanted her out, but simply because he was worried for her traveling home alone. He wouldn’t want to wake up to news about something that had happened to her.

She wanted to just sink into his embrace and stay there forever. She wished she had never left, that she had let him in when he had needed her to do it. That she could take back all the arguments and all the fights that they had. But she couldn’t do that, all she could do know was keep showing up and slowly gain back the trust she had betrayed. “Slow, that seems like a good idea” she whispered, and she let out a shaky breath, at least it seemed like the thunder had stopped and it was only rain that was left.
“I had to move into a small apartment in Southside, but I mostly just work, so I’m only there to change my clothes and sleep every now and then, but you know me, I have my trusted mini, she has taken me far and she still has the most comfortable backseats” she chuckled, remembering one of their dates had been in that old car, watching a drive inn movie. How things had changed since that day.

He hummed a little as she agreed to taking things slow. Even though they had agreed, it was still a good thing to remind themselves. Slow. Don’t rush into things because someone is just going to get hurt. If not them, then the kids, and he surely didn’t wish for that. Thomas knew how the emotions could take over the weather, and it eased him a little that the thunder had stopped.
Priscilla started to explain her living situation, and as soon as she mentioned Southside, he couldn’t stop thinking about how she needed to get out of there as soon as possible. He simply didn’t like that she should be in a place like that. Then she spoke about her mini which made him smile a little by the memories. “So, you’re sleeping in your mini?” he spoke softly still caressing her gently. “We can get you something nicer nearby if you’d like,” he suggested still very gentle. He wasn’t going to pressure her, but he knew that the kids might not want to wake up to their mother in the kitchen or something alike. It might be a bit too much.

She lifted her head looking up at him, giving him a small smile, she breathed out and repositioned herself so she wasn’t putting all her weight on him, but could sit on the floor beside him, forgetting the tea that they were about to make. Now it would be nice to be nearby, but as he had said it was better that they took things slow, and she had another place to live. She could maybe move to Aston or Oakheart if she could find something that didn’t cost too much. Because her income hadn’t really been the best of late, always being so distracted hadn’t really made her a good bounty hunter. Besides, it wasn’t the most glamours or well-paid job as of late.
“Well, I promise to drive home and not sleep in my car if that makes it better - I’ll figure it out, I understand me living in southside doesn’t really give of the best mother of the year vibe” she breathed out looking towards where Thomas had found their daughter and brought her back to bed. She could feel the constant gnawing feeling of deprivation that tore her apart. Because she missed her daughter and son so much. “So I’ll make sure to get something in a nicer neighbourhood and closer to here” she said nodding a little, as her fingers started picking at one another.

His eyes stayed at her as she explained that she would drive home and not just sleep in her car. A soft sigh left him, not that he was telling her it wasn’t okay. A short chuckle left him as she spoke about ‘mother-of-the-year’. “Not really, no. But it’s a process,” he assured her, even though he didn’t like the thought of her living in Southside at all. He could see where she was looking, and only because he could smell and hear that the small beasts hadn’t moved from their beds, he didn’t follow her eyes. “That’s a very good start,” he told her, agreeing to her finding a new place to live. Who knew, maybe the kids would take it well and she could move in one of the guestrooms, or maybe she didn’t wish to be that close to him? No matter what, they would work it out, and for right now, they took it one day at the time, if not just one hour at the time. Thomas liked parting things up in hours, it made every hour more processable and easier to get through. “You can stay for a while if you want to settle a little?” he offered, putting his hand on top of her fingers that picked at each other. “Stop,” he whispered caringly to her.

She gave him an appreciative smile; it was amazing that he had this ability just to make her feel better even when she was down in the worst period of her life. It had been so easy to pretend when she had been with him, but she also knew that had been one of the reasons why it hadn’t worked out. Because she hadn’t dealt with what was going on, you could only push down things so many times before they would explode or overflow.
“You’re sure that is a good idea?” she asked, looking up at him as he told her that she could stay if she wanted to. She would love to, of course, but she wasn’t sure she could then follow his wish to take things close. She gave him a pained smile and let her hand find his cheek. The soft stubble pressed against her skin. “Maybe I should go, I can come back tomorrow or the day after, and we could maybe talk a little more when it’s still light outside”, she chuckled, moving to get up from the floor they were sitting on.

He gave her a short nod to confirm that it was alright with him that she stayed for a while longer and got just a little more hold of herself. He noticed her pained smile and tilted his head a little, almost laying it in her hand. She started getting up, and he followed her, wanting to be sure that she didn’t lose balance or got dizzy. “Okay,” he spoke softly looking into her eyes. “Take your time,” he told her, being quite certain that it would take a little to get the confidence to come again, certainly because it would mean that their kids would be awake. “I don’t want you to walk back into this if you’re feeling uncertain or don’t feel ready,” he told her keeping his eyes on her. “But if you’re willing to try this, I’ll be there for you,” he assured her, knowing that his words might scare her, but he would rather have her being certain than come back into the kids’ life only to leave again.

She nodded, giving him a soft smile when he told her that she shouldn’t do this if there were uncertainty in her mind about all of this. “I know, I’m certain I want this”, she licked her lips and let out a small breath “, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes”, she added, knowing it would take more than just her showing up. Still, she was willing to do everything that was in her power to show her kids and Thomas that she was staying and that she wouldn’t run away when it became too challenging. She filled her lungs with air and gave her a small smile as she nodded again. “I want to come back”, she whispered, hoping she wasn’t overstepping, knowing he had asked for this to go slow. And she wanted to respect that, so with a small exhale, she stepped away, nodding. “One day at a time. Do you need my number? Then you could text me if tomorrow is still good when the kids wake up and such,” wanting to make it as easy for him as possible.