You can't hurry love [cw]

Zadkiel couldn’t help but smile as she laughed. Her laugh had that effect on him. Like her, he was stuck in time for a moment, and her cough was what pressed play on the life again. He waited for her to clear her throat fully before he would say a thing. “I would love to,” he said with a wide smile, “I honestly believe I can trust you in a kitchen,” he said and laughed a little, though he hadn’t seen the condition his kitchen was left in. It would only make him more impressed. “Please tell me if it’s going to be too much, but,” he licked his lips, enjoying the flavors left there for a short moment, “We can also cook for your father one day?” he suggested. Zadkiel really liked Violet and even if what had happened earlier was only going to be a one-time thing, he wanted to get her father to know better. She knew that he was a fallen angel and that he probably wasn’t that young. Maybe his mother knew him?

She smiled widely “Don’t trust that many in your kitchen, huh?” she teased, hoping that she hadn’t put things too much out of order when he felt better and could see how it looked. She moved the back of the hand over her lips to remove some of the sauce that had formed in the side of her mouth. Her eyes widened a little when he spoke about cooking for her father. “You want to meet him?” she asked softly, knowing that he was a fallen angel, which meant. Well, her father had told her that he actually knew Zadkiel’s mother. Eden. Now known as the archangel Sacchiel. “I would love that” she said with the silver of a smile on her lips as she looked from her bowl towards him. “he actually knows your mother, but he, he knew the first archangel Sacchiel better” she explain giving him a soft smile “he was one of the created angels, way back, before humans were created” taking a bite of her food she chewed and when she was done she continued “he fell, when lucifer did” she looked down as she said it, only lifting one eye to see who he took those news.

Zadkiel laughed a little, “You got me,” he said and licked his lips. He wouldn’t even trust his family to cook in his own kitchen. Now, this summer he knew that Kemuel had been the one to water their plants, but besides from that, no one really got to do anything in the apartment. Zadkiel liked to make sure things were in order, and when he was stressed or had many troublesome thoughts, a way to deal with it could be rearrange things, which he believed was better than ruining boxing pillows. Now, the thing about rearranging things had actually first arrived when he had started in the military, because he had gotten pressure from not having done things correctly – so now he always did it correctly. Another thing he hadn’t really realized was a response of trauma. Funny thing was, that he wasn’t even a normal soldier anymore who had to do all of that.  
“Yeah. I wanna know who you’re dealing with,” he said with a teasing smile. Yes, he knew that her father was a fallen angel, but so was his sister, and besides from that, the man couldn’t be that bad. He simply didn’t believe it. A smile widened on his lips as she agreed that she would love to cook for her father one day with him.
He raised his brows as she mentioned that he knew his mother, “It really doesn’t surprise me,” he laughed a little. He nodded a little as she explained that her father was one of the created angels. It was quite interesting. He turned a little more towards her. He fell when Lucifer did. Zadkiel didn’t pull any grimace when she mentioned it, but seemingly sat very interested in the story Violet was telling. “My sister fell last year,” he sad and pulled a crooked unsatisfied smile. “I’m sorry he fell,” he said and shrugged a little, “God simply has some odd opinions sometimes and,” he shook his head a little, “He seemingly doesn’t forgive that easily,” he said and pressed his lips together into a thinner line.

She ate a little moving her legs a little, so she was sitting more comfortably. She gave him a sad frown when he told her that his sister had fallen last year. That had to be hard, and she almost didn’t dare to ask what had happened. She didn’t know a whole lot about what it took to fall, but she had read it usually involved an angel killing someone or going against God’s words. Which in itself was a little weird, because there were a lot of creatures that did that, but the punishment of angels just seemed so much harsher than what they got. “I’m sorry about your sister” she said with a small smile and then shook her head. “There is this bible verse” she pressed her brows while she tried to remember, one of the good things about finally getting the right medication was the fact that she could once again use her brain as supposed to. “There hath no temptation taken hold of you but such as is common to man. But God is faithful; He will not suffer you to be tempted beyond that which ye are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” She spoke softly looking down into her bowl before looking up again “Even if it can sound like a bunch of nonsense, I like the idea of us not getting more than we are able to carry on our shoulders” well, she had to believe it. Or she could just as well kill herself with everything she had gone through in her life by now. Things would get better, it had too. It had too.

Zadkiel pulled a sad smile, “So am I,” he spoke softly. Now, Seraphina was no burden, but the fact that she had fallen had made some things way more complicated than they should’ve been. He felt so bad for his little sister. He looked up at her as she mentioned a verse in the bible. He pulled a slight smile as she spoke it out of memory. It was quite impressive honestly. “Yeah, it is,” he spoke softly. “We have to remember that we can carry a whole lot of things on our shoulders, and that it’s okay to take breaks,” he said, also to remind himself. “Hopefully, the weight on our shoulders will lessen with time,” he said and took another bite.

She looked at him with a crocket grin on her lips, she liked he talked about taking breaks and he couldn’t get himself to sit for a second after he had been throwing up. Did he even understand what breaks were? That it was okay to call in sick, and then at least more than one day? “Maybe it will, maybe it won’t” she mumbled taking another bite of her food, she made sure that she had chewed all of it and swallowed before she opened her mouth again. “And at some point, we’ll find someone that will help us carry the load or ease the weight of our shoulders. Because being with them makes everything worthwhile, and fighting doesn’t feel all that hard anymore” she whispered letting her eyes find his for a moment. She knew that was risky to say, but she also meant it. With Zadkiel, everything just felt – so easy. Like she could conquer anything and it wouldn’t feel like she was fighting.

Zadkiel looked up at her as she spoke about finding someone who would ease the load. It made him look thoughtfully down to his plate. He had truly believed that that someone had been Letha, but when he thought things through, things hadn’t really gotten easier. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it again. He licked his lips thoughtfully before he let his cutlery stay in the bowl. He wasn’t near done with eating. “I promise you… It’s really tasty,” he said and raised his brows apologetically and looked over at Violet, “But I’ve lost my appetite,” It had nothing to do with what she had said, nothing at all, but the realization of both the abuse and the withdrawals killed his appetite. Of course, the bit of blood there had been in the water had helped a whole lot on the withdrawals, but for now he just didn’t really feel like eating. “Would you mind if I save if for tomorrow?” he asked with slightly tired eyes. God, he needed a bath, both because he had been so sweaty and because he needed to wake a bit up, but on the other hand he was way too tired to do much. Was this the small high he had felt from he few drops? God, how long had he been affected from all of the blood he had been drinking multiple days in a row?

Violet folded her lips and saw how he opened his mouth to say something but didn’t. She looked down at her food and felt how uncertainty spread in her chest out to her fingers. But she didn’t say anything, even though she was ready to tell him she hadn’t meant it like she was the one for him. Even though, it had been what she had meant. But he wasn’t ready, that much was clear. She even felt foolish for taking it personally. She looked up as he started his sentence. I promise you. Her lungs stopped working, then they worked again. Same with her heart. Tasty? It was clear she was confused. I’ve lost my appetite. “Oh” she whispered, could almost feel pain spread in her fingers, as she didn’t understand quite what that meant. Had she said something that had made him feel like that? “Yeah, I mean no, of course not, you shouldn’t eat if you don’t want to” she said with a forced smile, even though she knew how to make them perfectly rarely did anyone see through them. “Let me take them out in the kitchen, and just make sure to put them in the fridge then” she said taking his bowl before he could say anything against it, got up and walked out of the tent so she could get to the kitchen and put away the food so it at least didn’t go to waste.

He could see the confusion in her immediately. His eyes never left her. It inspected her. Her words almost became cloudy, but her voice clear. How she used her voice. And then there was the smile. She took his bowl and his eyes followed her, his mouth slightly open, because he wished to stop her.
He kept listening to her steps, knowing where she was in the room and what she was doing. She wasn’t going to be coming back anytime soon. He sat up and crawled out of the tent and got up to his feet, a little wobbly. It was going better when he was walking, however. “Violet?” he spoke softly, still approaching her. If he could he would let a hand find her shoulder and try and turn her around so he could wrap his arms around her in an embrace.

She found some containers she could put the food in, placing it in the fridge his in the bottom her on top. When she was done with that, she cleaned the bowls and made sure that she once again was leaving the kitchen in the same condition she had found it. Or at least as close she could get to it. She had no idea that she had been taking too long time, before she heard Zadkiel’s voice behind her, she turned around with a surprised look “Hey you should be lying down” she said with a smile, then he pulled her into an embrace. Her eyes close. Arms folding around his waist placing her head against his chest. She felt slightly embarrassed that she had let her own insecurities overwhelm her like that. This wasn’t about her, it was about him coping with everything that had happened today. “let’s get you back” she said with a soft voice “Want something else from the kitchen before we walk back? Or maybe you want a bath first?” she asked, pulling a little out of the embrace to look at him.  

“I should,” Zadkiel mumbled, but still chose to pull her into his embrace. Her smile had been enough hurt for him to see that she needed this more than he needed to lie down. He could feel how she almost melted in his embrace. She told him they should get him back. But he didn’t move out of the spot but let her pull out of the embrace as she suggested if he wanted anything from the kitchen. He looked into her eyes for a moment, “A bath would be good, but I don’t think I would be able to finish it without falling asleep,” he chuckled a little, and shortly looked towards the kitchen, as if he was wondering if he wanted anything from the fridge. “I think…” He looked back at her, “The only thing I would want from the kitchen right now,” He let his hand move a bit of hair behind her ear, “Would be this,” he said, and let the hand that had corrected some hair find her jaw before he would lean down to place his lips on hers.

Her mind started working out what they could do if he wanted to take a bath but was afraid to fall asleep. She couldn’t really help him, mostly because seeing him naked. Might not be something that he wanted her to do, and if she was being honest. That might a little too much for her as well.
Then he looked around in the kitchen, almost as if he was trying to figure out what it was that he wanted. In the meantime, she let her tongue glide over her lips, while she stayed in his arms. “hmm?” she hummed when he started to tell her what he thought he would like. Looking back at him as he turned his head, a soft smile formed on her lips. Raising a brow and her smile turned into a slightly confused expression, why was he dragging his sentences so much? Even though she loved the small touches, how he placed some of her hair behind her ear. Like some invisible force took ahold of her stomach, it plummeted when he said what he would want was this. And then he kissed her. Now their first kisses had been amazing, but something about this one. Almost knocked her off her feet. Closing her eyes, she gently kissed him back, her arms holding onto his upper arms.

She kissed him back and held onto his arms. For some reason, that specific hold on him was like pouring gasoline into the passionate fire in his chest. On the other hand, the fire was still being suffocated by his withdrawals. He let go of her jaw, continuing to kiss her while both his hands found her waist and slowly moved to her lower back and almost daringly above what people would call the butt cheeks. Instead of going there, he let his hands glide down her side, but here he met a little barrier that he hadn’t thought through, so with thinking too much of his actions, he let his hands glide a little down her out legs until he could get his hands underneath the knitted sweater. He was very cautious if she started pulling away, but if she didn’t, she would find the belt loops in her pants and let his index fingers lock into them and pull her insistingly closer.

She felt how her heart was picking up speed. Like she had thought so many times throughout this, no one had ever kissed her like that. With so much care, with so much passion. To a point where she wanted to curl her toes and just let him kiss her forever. The small pulls in her stomach, that many poets and writers explained as the feeling of having butterflies in the stomach. She couldn’t know if that was what it was. If it was because of the excitement, nervousness and just all together the experience of something she had never tried before.
Violet pulled him a little closer as his hands started to travel. Her thoughts and wants jumbled all over the place. Nothing really made sense right now, so she just went with what her body told her to. Kissing him back with even greater passion than before. Small sighs escaping her nose, pulling her lips away as she felt his hand find its way underneath her blouse. Breathing heavily, she didn’t moved farther away, than just an inch from his lips. Feeling their hot breaths mix as she tried to figure out where to go from here. Her hands squeezing his upper arms a gently.

It almost seemed like he couldn’t overstep. Nothing of what he did was wrong, and he simply felt so welcome in her embrace. She kissed him back with greater passion, even though he doubted the passion could get any greater. The small sighs that left her, combined with her sighs was certainly affecting him. Maybe not physically but he felt like he was home. Could a person feel like home?
She removed her lips from his, as his hands found their way just underneath her blouse to hook her belt loops and pulled her closer.
It was in some way odd how nice it was to feel a hot breath against one’s skin. It had been very long ago since he had experienced that. It did something to him. She squeezed his arms a little, and it made him open his eyes a little, looking down at her, still breathing a little heavily, “Is it okay?” he spoke softly.

She had no idea if it was okay. She wanted to ask him the same, if it was okay. He was the one that was overwhelmed or had been overwhelmed. When he had realised just what had happened to him. Now there was different ways of coping, she knew that. But she just didn’t want him to regret any of this. Or being pulled along because it made him feel better just for a moment and then would feel even worse afterwards. Maybe it was just the thought about ruining something, just for a fleeting moment. She didn’t want this to be fleeting, she wanted this to be the rest of her life.
She opened her eyes slightly and looked at him. “I haven’t –“ she licked her lips and felt how her chest rose and sank, as she tried to calm herself. “I haven’t really done this, with someone –“ I’m in love with she wanted to add, but knew it might; no not might; it was to early. “I want this” she exhaled nodding, because she did. “Is it okay, for you?” she asked, not letting her eyes leave his.

I haven’t- though it shouldn’t, it almost made him worry. Worry that she didn’t feel for it, didn’t want it, or simply felt like she hadn’t consented to it. Now, the latter would break his heart, but the others would only make him realize that he had pushed her too far and he had opened his heart to quickly. He didn’t wish to overflow her with his love when he had so much off it. She shouldn’t be drowning in his affection. Her sentence got a little longer, and she explained that she hadn’t done it with someone. Now it was his turn to have a quick beating heart. He was worried that he had taken her first kiss, and – Not that I was a problem, it had been quite memorable, but how things had been just right after with Nathalie’s short visit and the realization with the addiction and abuse, well, it wouldn’t really be a great memory, would it? His spiraling thoughts about how innocent she might’ve been when she entered the door was pushed away as she told him that she wanted this. His mouth opened a little and a wider smile spread on his lips. “Yes,” he said, maybe a little too quickly, “I mean… Yes, this is okay with me,” he said a little slower and seemed a little more to know what he was saying. He let his thumbs replaced his index fingers in the belt loops. His long fingers slowly glided downwards. “We can just… Take it slow,” he said and pulled on a slightly crooked smile. Taking it slow might be the best if she hadn’t experienced that much, and well, for him since there was a whole lot around his head at the moment.

Violet’s lips folded together, her teeth grabbing her bottom lip as she kept herself from showing him just how happy those words made her feel. Not that she could really hide it, as her entire face lit up and a smile formed on her lips; or as big of a smile as she let herself make it. He also made it incredibly difficult to focus on his words, when his fingers glided over her naked skin. Small waves of pleasure through her stomach and body. Her skin humming lightly after each time his fingers glided over a new place, begging his hands to find their way back. It was addictive what he did to her. So gentle and loving.
“Slow, sounds like something I can do” she said almost breathlessly, feeling how her heart picked up speed again. Her eyes locking with his, as her hands glided up his arms to his neck. Gently she let them fold around the back of his neck, as if everything had slowed down, she pulled him closer and pressed her lips gently towards his. She was taken aback how powerful that small and gentle kiss was. Like it woke a fire in her that she almost couldn’t tame. A small gasp left her, before she pressed herself a little closer to him.

It was clear to anyone that Violet was glad to hear that he was okay with everything that was transpiring. The way she bit her lip and tried not to smile too widely. It made his smile grow even more. He loved to see her smiling like that. It made him want to pick her up and take her everywhere. He liked just how excited she had shown herself to be about them.
Slow was agreed to, and just like her, his eyes were locked on hers. Her hands glided up from his arms, giving him pleasurable shivers. He leaned down towards her and let his lips meet hers gently once again. It just felt so comfortable. Contempt event. He hands continued to wander down until they reached each side of her bum and could pull her even closer. She even pressed herself a little closer to him. It was almost a little too much of all the good stuff. It made him want more. It made him not want to slow too much down. It created a desire to explore with both his hands and eyes. Notice every single little dent, scar, or discolor of her skin. Every freckle, beauty mark and mole. Curves and edges. He wanted to know it all. It made the desire to know how she would react to every single of his touches grow. It was almost scary to him, how connected to her he felt to her. It made words burn on his tongue, and he was afraid to let them out, because those three words carried so much weight and he knew, as soon as he would say them, he would have sealed his hearts fate to how much she could ruin him if she rejected the words. Almost like a witch with their matemark. For a split second, he wondered if there was any warlock blood in him, that would’ve made a hidden matemark, and this was how he knew; he had found her.
He let his lips pull a little away from hers, “But… You might be right-” he whispered and slowly opened his eyes, feeling their hot breaths mix once again. “We should get back,” he mumbled, knowing that it was meaning they would have to break some of their touch to go back, which he didn’t feel like doing. He had also corrected her, that it wasn’t just him who had to go back, but both of them. He wished for her to join him.

It was so clear that there was an undeniable bond between them. She had no idea why, but at this point she didn’t even question it. She had noticed it when they had been sitting in group therapy. How her eyes had always been wandering towards him. Then when she had asked him on a walk, she had felt it even. More when her hand and taken his. Now they were kissing in his kitchen, and Violet secretly wished that she would always be the one that he would be kissing. It was both a comforting and frightening thought, that you could be this attached to someone after such a short period of time. A soft gasp left her, as his hands wandered. It only made the sparks fly and the fire in her grow even hotter.

When he broke off the kiss, she had a hard time catching her breath. Eyes closed. Heavy and hot breath. And undeniably tingle throughout her body. Get back, yes that might be a good idea. She nodded, opening her eyes at last. A soft smile formed on her lips. “Yes, let’s do that then” she whispered, pulling out of his embrace. She took his hand and pulled him back to the small tent she had made for them. Crawling back inside. It didn’t help the situation. Sitting back down in the small cosy den she had made them. It was the tension grew, almost so thick that one could cut it with a knife. Her beath coming much shallower than before. But they had said they would take it slow; she wasn’t sure she could stop herself if they started kissing again. So, her eyes fixated on the film in front of them, while she kept holding his hand.

He could feel how she almost had trouble catching her own breath and it only made his wish to explore grow. He wanted to know everything about her. Not just how she reacted, but why she reacted the way she did. What background was the reason to it? What did she feel when he did something? He saw how she nodded and smiled back at her. She pulled out of his embrace, and where she had been suddenly got cold, as if he was missing something. She took his hand, and it kept the warmth in his whole arm and some of his chest. He wished for more of that. A slight imagination of them dancing, with her standing on his feet and them holding each other’s hand ran over his mind

He followed her inside the tent. It sheltered them from the world around them. Pulled away everything terrible that had transpired. Nothing bad had happened in the tent. It was almost warm to crawl inside, and now there was no bowls to knock over… They sat down next to each other, holding each other’s hand. Sitting so straight up and down with her almost seemed unnatural to him now. Without taking his hand away from hers, he let his arm find it’s way over her shoulders and down along her side, having their hands almost in the middle of her stomach. He let his face find her hair and discreetly took in her smell and placed a soft kiss in it. He tried to keep his eyes on the movie, but if she started to move around, he wasn’t sure he could keep his focus.

Her head dipped down to let him move the arm which hand, she was holding, over her shoulders so their hands ended up by her shoulder. She moved a little, so she was sitting closer to him, making it a little more comfortable to have their arms like that. Now, this was fine, this she could handle. But she forgot to breathe when he moved his head, pressing his nose towards her hair. She could hear how he took in her scent. It made her heartbeat so fast, and so violently against her chest. She trusted him so completely, and maybe that was the part where it had been different with the others. Because she hadn’t been able to get that one time out of her head, when it had been done against her will. Where she had said no, and he had kept going. Blaming her afterwards because she had kissed him. So, everyone else that had tried to advance, she had pushed away and not felt comfortable with.
Zadkiel was different, everything about this, was different.
She couldn’t help it, mostly she did it without thinking. As she moved her head to face him. Leaning in and placing a soft kiss against his lips, before pulling away again. But she didn’t turn her gaze back to the film. She was much more focused on him, how he smelled. The effect it had on her, sitting this close to him. Like no other.

They moved so easily around each other. It was almost scary. Like they knew each other’s movements like their own back pocket. She moved to sit more comfortably, and he did everything not to be in her way. He was looking at her while she moved, and when she looked up, he couldn’t help but smile a little. He reciprocated the soft kiss, and just like her, he didn’t move his attention back to the movie. He leaned a little down to give her another kiss, but he didn’t pull away as much as she had done. He was just mere centimeters from her lips. He could feel how there was almost like a magnetic pull towards her, and within a short moment he leaned in to kiss her yet another time. Lighting the fire up in his chest. A fire that wasn’t that easy to extinguish.

Another kiss, a little more insisting than the first one. But still manageable just to keep it there, her lips hanging in the air for a second. Feeling his breath hitting them, but before she could pull back their lips meet for a third time. Man, he was making it difficult for her to do anything slow. Her hand let go of his, so she was able to turn her body more towards him. Her hand finding the side of his neck. Everything felt so right, even though there was a small voice asking her if it went to fast. She pulled him closer, she didn’t even think about it before she had done it. Letting her lip’s part for him, not caring about any of the things that had happened prior to this. Forgetting that Nathalie had come by the messages she had seen from her to him and the other way around.
She just focused on him, and what he brought out in her. How safe she felt in his arms. How good his kisses made her feel. Wanting to experience everything with him and show him that he was still worthy of being loved.

Now Zadkiel wasn’t the one to act out like a child, but he was so certain that she was the one who had started this in the tent, because the first kiss had left him wanting more, and when he had given her that slight kiss, it somehow only made him want even more. It was fuel to the bonfire. This wasn’t going to go any slower if they didn’t hit the brakes soon. She let go of his hand and turned more towards him. His hand therefore stayed close to her shoulder, sliding across her shirt as she turned more towards him. As her hand found his neck, he let his hand find her hipbone. She parted her lips for him, and it all went so smoothly. He didn’t even think it was too much when he let his tongue invite hers for an intimate and innocent dance.
Somehow, feeling all of this, without such a great influence of blood, truly made him feel loved. It didn’t feel fake. Everything felt so true to him. It didn’t even scare him. He just wanted more. More of her love. He couldn’t get enough of it.
There wasn’t much thought to it when he gestured her to get up on his lap. She couldn’t really be sitting that well and if she got on top, they would be even more on eyelevel, if she wasn’t going to be taller than him.