Hold on Tight

@Eden <3
Place: The hospital in Gaia
Date: 1st of February 2021
Time: 19.00
Weather: Cold and windy
Outfit: Link
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It had been too long and she knew it was stupid. It took every bit of courage that she had to actually walk over to the door. Seraphina hadn't been outside for more than two times since she had killed that werewolf in the woods that night. Tom and Echo had tried to convince her to go home and talk it out. But she had refused in fear. Still not able to even look at herself in the mirror without breaking down into tears, how was she supposed to face her entire family? It had been a detox for her, being away from them, social media - everything. Not that Tom hadn't put her to do some reading, stupid history nerds and wanting to teach other people. Seraphina had looked outside most days, sitting in the window when Echo and Tom had been at work - just waiting for the sun to go down and the night to come - and then do it all over again. Seraphina had this day however made it outside. Her legs felt so heavy walking closer to the hospital, and she could barely even make it to where she usually stopped. Outside. The two times she had been outside she had ended up here,  outside looking in.

However, this day she had stepped inside. She stood in the hallway looking around at the busy people working. Shortly she looked down at her shaking hands, and Seraphina breathed out. A few angels eyed her with a harsh look - and again she remembered, she was fallen. Seraphina fought every instinct to just turn around and run. So she moved her eyes down, hoping she could escape the judging looks from the angels. It was uncomfortable enough as it was, and yet them standing there behind her and looking at her like that. It made her want to just break down and scream, and her shaking hands made her scared - scared she would hurt somebody again. Maybe it had been foolish of her to come here, she could still turn around. Seraphina wrapped her arms around her body and looked up shortly trying to remember what direction she should go. Her eyes teared up as  she looked at the signs, trying to remember where she was supposed to find the one person she actually was looking for. Her mother. Seraphina just walked in one direction and her eyes blurred from her tears, it was impossible for her to know if she even had made the right turn.

Finally she stopped as she felt the strong aura close by, and she just looked ahead. She could see her mother in the end of the long busy hallway. "You can't be here kid," one of the guards pushed Seraphina out of her thoughts, "I have to," her voice was so weak and low, it was impossible to hear from afar. "I'm sorry but you can't," the guard grabbed her arm wanting to drag her with him. "Nooo.." - "Mum," she called a little bit finally breaking down, even through she tried to stay there, she wasn't nearly as strong as the guard wanting to remove her.

The whole world around her stopped in a second, just a second as she saw her mother looking at her. The guard let go of her arm understanding the situation a bit more, so he backed off - which was most likely also the best thing he could do. Seraphina teared even more up by looking at her mother crying, and she couldn't even hold back her own tears if she wanted to. The fallen angel felt the embrace, and wrapped her own arms around her mother. She didn't want to let go. "I'm so sorry," she cried as she embraced her mother. "I'm - I - I'm so sorry," she repeated while crying uncontrollably. She had no idea how to this intense emotions, or even how to take the next step. Seraphina felt awful, for her action, for having her family worry - for everything. It seemed like her world was falling apart, slowly and far from gracefully. Seraphina took a deeper breath in, before breaking the hug - she moved her eyes up to dry her eyes. She took up into her mothers eyes with a sense of grief. "I - I did something bad.. I didn't mean to.. I swear .. I didn't mean to." The tears kept running from her green eyes, and it was like a waterfall - never going to stop. It was like she expected punishment, the way she bit her left cheek and looked a little bit down.

Why wasn't she angry, she should be angry with her. Disappointed that she couldn't control herself and that she had killed someone. Seraphina had spend so much time creating fake scenarios in her head and this wasn't one of them. Seraphina didn't think as her mother guided them towards her office, and tried to not cry to hysterically as they walked past people in the hallway - on the other hand it seemed to be enough for people not to interrupt them or ask Eden about anything on the way. The world around them went quite and Seraphina finally breathed out. She turned around looking up into her mother's eyes. "But what I did was unforgivable," was the only thing she could manage to say and she could feel her heavy heart weighing her down. Even if everything seemed safe and good in her mother's warm embrace - she didn't feel like she deserved it. She didn't deserve to be welcomed back with opened arms like nothing had happened, like it was alright. "I killed someone mum.. no one should be happy that I am home," she took a step back, breaking free of he embrace. The fallen angel wrapped her arms around herself again and took a deeper breath in. "I'm a murderer.. I'm a monster now," the tears kept falling down her cheeks and took a deeper breath in. Seraphina lived with that guilt the guilt, knowing she had taken a man away from his family - his friends - and she didn't even know how to handle that. The first days Tom and Echo had tried to convince her not to turn herself in - mostly because she had already escaped the crime scene, everything else would just make things worse.

She didn't understand, there was a chance that she would never understand why her mother chose to forgive her. It had been hard not to just seek out her mother to find comfort, and she was sure that Echo and Tom actually was happy not to have a teenage girl living in their living room anymore as well. She was a little much for everyone, she understood that. I'll always be happy when you are home, she nodded a bit and tried to stop herself from crying further. Seraphina just suddenly also realized how much worry she had put them all through, it just added to the guilt of what she had put people through. "I'm so sorry for putting all of you through this.." she said trying not to cry more but her voice didn't seem to stop cracking. "I didn't mean to worry all of you.." she then said taking a deeper breath in. Seraphina hated feeling like this and she just wanted that feeling to go away - but she also knew she would have to live with it forever. "Do you think dad will hate me?" The fear in her eyes was real, just the fear of being neglected because of her mistake - but she was so young, this mistake was a huge weigh to have on ones shoulders, and she wasn't even sure she would be able to carry it. With all the time her father spend with Michael and in Heaven. Heaven, she would never get to back to Heaven.

It was what she needed, she needed to know they wouldn't leave her for dead. That they wouldn't turn their heads at her and forget her. What was most important to her was that her mother didn't look at her, like she was some freak, like the monster she felt like within herself. Her mother looked at her like she was still the Seraphina she was before it happened. Before everything. He won’t hate you, Seraphina felt the heavy stone fall from her heart. Of course she couldn't know for sure, but right now she took her mother's word for it. Seraphina couldn't know how any of them would react to this, one thing was knowing it - the second was how it had happened and the third part was dealing with it and seeing her black wings. Seraphina had only looked at the black wings two times, she hadn't even been for a longer walk in this - and she missed it. Her walks through the park to clear her head. She nodded to her mother, but she wasn't still ready to face her father yet. "Do you think we can call Zad?" She then asked. Seraphina didn't believe her siblings would be to hard on her, and Zad had always been there for her when she needed him. "Or Laila.. I'm sure they are both busy..but-"

The phone was ringing and Zadkiel flipped the last pancake he had made for Letha onto a plate stacked with pancakes. His phone was right by Letha, who called Zadkiel, telling him who was calling him. Usually his mom just left text messages, so a call seemed important. He grabbed the plate and hurried, so he could serve the plate to her. Sugar and whipped cream were already on the table. As soon as his hands were free he was handed his phone and quickly picked it up.
His mother’s voice sounded trembling. “What’s wrong?” he said while frowning. Seraphina is here. His eyebrows raised to the top of his forehead. “Ten minutes. See you soon,” he quickly replied. He didn’t feel like there was time for questions. Whether if she was hurt or had been walking in there herself, wouldn’t matter. He knew that no matter what, he was needed, and his mother couldn’t let patients wait for too long. He hung up and put his phone into his pocket.
He leaned down and grabbed three of the pancakes. “I have to go. Seraphina is at the hospital,” he gave Letha a quick, passionate kiss, “I’ll text you when I know more, okay?” he said, correcting a strand of hair before he gave her a kiss on the forehead, packed the pancakes for Seraphina and got dressed. He ran out to his car and hurried to the hospital, assuming the worst.

The car was parked and he ran into the reception, “Eden Nelson, emergency,” he said and was quickly told which way he had to go to find her. Even though running wasn’t really allowed, he did it anyway. At the turn of a corner he found not only Eden, but Seraphina in her arms. Even Zadkiel could feel the heat from tears which he held back. He sprinted the last way before he joined the hug. Darkness and chaos seemed to interfere with the usual calming and secure aura that surrounded the family members. “Oh Sera…” he said before he released his grip. He was sure that Eden had already made sure that Seraphina was in the best hands, but even though, he grabbed each side of the youngest sisters’ jaw and cheek to look at her face with a smile. “Gosh I’m so glad you’re alive,” he said with his voice slightly trembling before he closed his arms around them again.

The ten minutes seemed like years, years where her heart grew bigger with regret - fear and most of all guilt. She was so scared of how Zad would react to her new aura, to the person she had become that night. The call was made, and there was nothing she could do but wait here in her mother's arm. A grip that possibly was the only thing keeping her from falling completely apart right now. She didn't want to be a liability. The second he opened the door her world stopped for a second as her tear filled eyes met his. It was already hard to catch her breath, and as he joined the hug she couldn't help anything else than just let herself break down. There wasn't anything to stop the waterfall and it was like every single thing she felt was washed out to the surface. Glad you are alive, she was alive - but at what cost. She had killed someone. Seraphina couldn't even get a word out while trying to keep breathing, that was the thing that hurt the most - imagine if she had taken a brother away from someone, it hurt to even think how much it would hurt if someone took Zad away from her. "I-" she tried to get her words out, but also needed to have a little bit of space again, and even if she didn't realize it she used her ability to gently push everything around her just a little bit - not enough to do anything else but perhaps make a signal she needed space. "I'm so sorry," she said quite fast, afraid she wouldn't be able to speak over her weak and broken voice. "I.. I 'm.. sorry." She looked down, taking a few steps back. She needed to get her breathing under control, she could already feel the telekinetic fields around her push objects away - and she didn't want to hurt anyone, not again.

As soon as his arms joined the hug, he could both hear and feel her crying. It must be overwhelming for her. Facing her family members after whatever had happened. It was clear that she either had regretted her actions or that it all had been an accident. But he didn’t need to know. If he had to live without knowing what had happened; so be it.
As he started to try to speak, he loosened the grip around her, so she could get some space. With her power, she even pushed him away a bit,  but even though he couldn’t help but pull on a smile, overwhelmed by the fact that she was alive and that they now reunited. She had been gone for more that two weeks, and almost every day, when someone claimed to have seen her, he was the one who could quit his shift to check up if it really was her. But he never had any success. Even though it hadn’t been him, who found her, he was extremely happy that she had been found – or maybe even sought their mother for help and guidance?

As their mother asked if they wanted something from the cafeteria, Zadkiels hand found the package of pancakes from his pocket. “Thanks. I got freshly baked pancakes,” he said, keeping the pancakes in front of him, close to his torso, shortly looking at their mother, before she closed the door behind her.

As Seraphina started to apologize, he had a feeling that whatever he said, wouldn’t make her feel less sorry. By the way she looked down and took a couple of steps back, he thought she might need some kind of grounding, so she could feel connected to the world. Therefore, he calmly sat down on the floor. “Will you lay down with me, please?” he asked, before he laid down himself placing the packed pancakes on the floor between them. Even if she didn’t feel like laying down, he would do it himself; hopefully letting her subconsciousness know that he was no threat that needed to be pushed further away.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," she managed to say as she watched her mother leave the room. Her eyes turned to Zadkiel as she breathed out. She wanted to apologize, she couldn't understand none of them were yelling at her for what she had done - at least give her a speech about how she had done something awful. Seraphina took a deeper breath in as he sat down. Will you lay down with me, please? His soft voice made her blink a few tears out, as she carefully took first one step closer. Seraphina needed to trust herself, and it took her a few moments to take another step closer to him, as he laid down. She breathed out and went down to the floor. Then she leaned back and let her back meet with the floor. She looked up at the ceiling and folded her lips together. Her eyes started to fill themselves up with tears again, he didn't know what she had done. Of course everyone would have an idea of what she had done - she was a fallen angel now, it didn't take a genius to know, something bad had happened. "I killed someone," she managed to get the words out and blinked the tears out letting them run down her cheeks. She closed her eyes for a second, remembering how her ability had forced the werewolf up against the tree to be impaled. All the blood.. the look on his face.. how his eyes lost their light. "I killed someone," she breathed out more exhausted. "I didn't mean too.. I swear I didn't mean to Zad." She shook her head as she lifted her hands up to run them over her face.

Of course, Seraphina would reply that she wasn’t hungry. She probably had no appetite, and Zadkiel didn’t blame her, because somehow, he felt like he could understand why. It must’ve been so nerve wrecking to show up after such a long time and all the nervousness made her not think about whether or not if she was hungry.

Zadkiel was in no hurry, she could take all the time she wanted to with getting down onto the ground, he just wanted her to feel safe and in no way threatened. After just a couple of steps and some thinking, she sat down, making Zadkiel pull on a slight smile. She went all the way, just like him. Completely connected to the floor. “Thank you,” he whispered, before she got to say anything. He felt like he needed to tell her, that he appreciated that she laid down with him. Hopefully she would be able to feel herself be more grounded and more in control. He looked at her for a moment before he looked up at the tiles in loft. He didn’t want to stare and make her feel uncomfortable. Sometimes no eye contact could make everything easier too, right?
I killed someone. The information didn’t really surprise him. He knew it had to be something quite awful to make her fall. He was quite sure she had more to tell, than just that, and therefore didn’t say anything. She repeated herself again and the way she sounded; it was clear that just the thought exhausted her. I swear I didn’t mean to Zad. Slowly he turned his head towards her, so he could look her into her eyes, if she looked at him. He pulled on a very light and calming smile. “I trust you,” he said. “Without a doubt,” he said, to underline his statement. He had no idea of how anything had gone down, but since she didn’t mean to, he could almost think his way towards it being an accident. “It was an accident,” he said keeping his eyes on her, “Accidents doesn’t change how we feel about you, Seraphina,” he let the arm closest to her slide along the floor towards her, if she wanted his hand to hold onto. “No matter what you do, you’ll always be my sister and I’ll always love you,” he said and pulled on a light smile.
The door opened and in came Eden. Zadkiel looked towards the door, to make sure that Eden wouldn’t accidentally step on them.

I trust you, she closed her eyes shortly. Listening to her older brothers words, realizing how much she had missed him. It was an accident, it was an addicent, but an addicent shouldn't have to cost someone his life. Not someone who hadn't been older than Laila. "I lost control," she mumbled underneath her breath, addicent or not her powers were dangerous - she couldn't change her thought about that. It was a fact. "I just wanted to walk home.. and he scared me.. so I lost control.. what does that say about me." She folded her lips a little bit. She was dangerous. Even if it didn't change how they felt about her, it changed how she felt about herself. Still feeling the fear and burning pain as her wings had changed color - as she had fallen from grace and no longer was one God wanted to watch over. You’ll always be my sister and I’ll always love you, she turned her eyes looking at him. "I will always love you too," she pulled a little smile, letting a few tears run from the corner of her eye an down her face, only to drop down on the floor.

Her gaze moved up as their mother came back into the room, and placed a hand on Seraphina's knee. She sat back up, but stayed on the floor - not feeling like getting up just yet. Seraphina took a deeper breath in and ran her hands through her hair. She hated she had worried her family, but most of all she still just plain and simple hated herself for what she had done.