I'm fine. Really. (No I'm not, please hold me...) - fortidsemne - Ben

Some things just weren't built to last. Damien guessed he had to realize that now. That things wouldn't just keep going smoothly, there'd be something to trip over around every corner... this thing had just been something he couldn't do anything about, and something that made him feel like someone was constantly stomping on his chest if he allowed himself to think about it even for one second. It'd hurt when it had happened, physically, too... But the realization and following mental pain had been so much worse.

It had happened as recently as yesterday. A sudden pain at his collarbone, and when he'd rushed into the bathroom to see what was going on - he'd seen Stephen's name on his collarbone fading away to leave his skin as smooth and blemish-free as before. Which meant... Yeah, he knew enough about witches to know that. That Stephen had died. And this while his love for the witch had still been blossoming, but now... It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, battered to a thousand pieces and then just pushed back into his chest as if it'd still function like that.

Every time his thoughts drifted, he got a horrible, empty feeling inside, that almost stabbing sensation in his chest... So he'd resorted to what seemed the most logical to him. Since it could distract him from his natural temper, why shouldn't it be able to distract him from heartbreak, too? So Damien had hunkered down in his room with an amount of snacks and drinks that was unusally large even for him, gotten into his comfiest pajama pants and hoodie, wrapped a blanket around himself, too, and begun playing Overwatch. He was still sitting there, now - he'd taken one single bathroom break, but then he'd gone back to gaming. Every time he even thought about maybe going to sleep, the pain began blossoming again, and so he instead downed one more energy drink, and kept playing. Kept pushing the thoughts away as much as he could - even if his eyes were red and irritated from keeping back tears all the while as he kept on gaming and tried to empty out his thoughts the best he could as to not completely break down - because what good would that do anyone?

Ben yawned as he woke up on his bed, turning to lie on his stomach for a bit, just... listening to Miles breathing on the bed across from his own. He had gone to bed as soon as he got home from work the day before. He had gotten a gig as Repiano Cornetist in a band in London, so straight after school, he had driven there in his mother's car to the concert, which had taken most of the evening, and before he was home again, it was midnight and he was absolutely bombed.

But now he was awake for some reason, even though, according to his phone, it was way too early for it. But sleep didn't come back for him so after a few minutes of futile attempts to sleep, he gave up and got up from the bed. It was just gonna be a day in, he had no more work, so he just grabbed some sweatpants and a random hoodie which... may or may not belong to someone who wasn't him, and lived at the dorm, there was no telling, really (yes there was, Ben would never buy something like it) and then he found a pair of tennis socks to wear

Originally, his thoughts were to go grab some breakfast, but when he stepped out of his room, he heard noises from Damien's room. But... that didn't make sense? The hybrid mainly worked at night, so he slept through the morning... Did he stay up all night? A tinge of worry washed over Ben, and he quietly went over to the hybrid's room and knocked gently on the door before opening it - and honestly, the sight that met him only worried him more. There were too many empty energy drinks and snacks around, for this just to be Damien forgetting the time.

He quietly walked up behind the hybrid and placed his hands on his shoulders to get his attention a little faster. He gently rubbed his shoulders, massaging them a little without even thinking about it, until he would get the attention he wanted.

Dead Zenyatta, dead Soldier 76 - peeking around the corner, dashing over, slashing, and a dead Mercy, too. The Pharah that Mercy had been healing turned and unleashed her ultimate on him - which he deflected, before dashing away again before the last rockets hit him, after she died. Damien was so concentrated on his game that he didn’t notice anything else around him - including Ben’s knocking on the door, of the fact that he entered the room at all. His nose was slightly stuffy from keeping the tears inside, so even that didn’t alarm him.

“Really, it was nothing guys. Now can we just please get on with it and move the goddamn payload?” he muttered when the others hailed him over voice chat for disposing of such a big part of the enemy team. Ben had definitely heard him play enough to know that wasn’t at all how the usually talked in voice chat, and hear the usual joy he had in his voice when gaming, was all gone. Damien reached out to the open energy drink on the table, and downed the last half of it in one go, before gaming right on, getting into the ambush position for the next point on the map.

So, when he felt Ben’s hands on his shoulders, he jolted slightly in his seat. He turned his head for a split-second to look at him, and tried for a smile - and it looked pretty damn genuine, if it hadn’t been for the red, slightly puffy eyes and the lack of the usual glow in his skin that he almost always got just from seeing his best friend. If you coupled the snacks, energy drinks and red eyes together? Pretty damn clear he had intentionally been avoiding sleep and anything else than Overwatch for those past…. 12 hours or so? He kept the headset on though, and turned back to his game. He should’ve known Ben would notice, of course - that he was up so early, or well, late. It had only happened once or twice - maybe thrice? - before and he’d gone straight to bed when Ben had pointed out the time, those few times. But this time had, after all, been deliberate.

He finished the map, and then he was back to the menu, waiting for it to find another match for him, which was really the worst thing about being one of the best players in the world. it took ages for it to find a new game for him… An age that Ben could now question him in. Fuck. He sighed, bit his lip, and slowly took off his headset. He didn’t say anything though - cause he didn’t really want to talk about it. But just this pause, and it hadn’t even been a minute, had caused the tight feeling in his chest to return, his breath to turn just slightly shallow as he stared blankly into the screen.

Ben waited patiently for Damien to finish up the game and let out an exhausted sigh, when he immediately went to find another match. Everything made it obvious to Ben that something was terribly wrong - the bloodshot eyes, lack of joy in his voice and mess of snacks and energy drinks lying around were all clear indicator of that... At least, it was to Ben's benefit that Damien was as good as he was, because it would take quite some time to find a fair match - time that he could spend figuring out what was wrong.
But instead of immediately going for a questionnaire about what was bothering the hybrid, Ben pulled the chair out a bit, stepped up in front of Damien and moved to straddle his roomie. As soon as he was sure, he wasn't gonna fall, Ben laid his arms around Damien's neck and pulled him in for a hug. He sat up straight enough for Damien's head to rest under Ben's chin, and it wasn't long before one of the siren's hands sought upwards towards the hybrid's soft curls.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Damien. I don't like seeing you this upset," he muttered, tempted to kiss the top of the other's head, but decided against it out of respect for Damien's mate and whatever was going on between himself and Cody. It wasn't anything romantic towards Damien of course, just... a way of showing his concern and to comfort the other, to let him know he was there and cared.

Of course, Damien knew Ben wouldn't just go again, not after he'd seen him in this state. He sort of really wanted him to go, though - but he also wanted him to stay. Because on one hand, he wanted to never, ever think of this again and just push it all away and not deal with it. But on the other hand he knew he'd need to talk about it, to let it all out - sooner or later. And with Ben being here, it seemed like it might wind up being sooner. He didn't really have a problem crying in front of someone - he'd done that numerous times before - but he just wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop crying again if he began letting it all out now.

His gaze which had been focusing on empty space in front of him, moved to Ben's face for a moment when he pulled Damien and the chair back, and then settled in his lap. The hybrid bit his lip and lowered his gaze again, feeling the tears trying to press on once more, that empty ache in his chest blossoming with it, making his breath hitch just a little when the question came, the one he knew would come sooner or later. "I... Yesterda-" he tried to speak but his voice shook and broke off in a small choke. Instead, he shook his head, and reached up a hand to unzip his hoodie halfway - he wore nothing underneath it - and pushed it off of his left shoulder, turning his head to the other side and closing his eyes against the forming tears as his collarbone got exposed... Which showed off that where Stephen's name had been just yesterday, there was nothing. Just smooth, blemish-free skin, void of the magical tattoo that had bound them together.

Ben pulled back a little, but didn't let go of Damien, when the other started opening up about what had happened. His features were softened a lot compared to the ordinary, as he gently kept running his fingers through the short flimsy hairs at the nape of the hybrid's neck. His eyes widened a little when the problem was revealed by Damien showing his now blemish-free skin on his collarbone - with no trace of the mate tattoo. Now, Ben didn't know a lot about witches. He knew they had a mate assigned to them by a tattoo on their collarbone and that they had to fuck their mate (or get fucked, he supposed) for their mate to get one that matched and that was just about what he knew. But he could kinda guess why that mark would disappear and Damien's tears only confirmed that.

The hybrid was immediately pulled in for another hug and now Ben placed that soft kiss on the top of his head, wanting to give the other as much comfort as possible. "It's okay to cry, Damien, you know I won't judge you for that... I'm here as long as you need me, alright?" He kept muttering sweet nothings over and over to calm the other, gently rocking him side to side and occasionally letting his hand slide down to gently rub the other's back, before going back up to rub his scalp - he'd do just about anything that might help the hybrid feel safe.

Damien just sat there, didn't see the way Ben's eyes widened, his own closed against the tears that pressed on harder than before - he was suppressing slight shaking, too, from the sobs that were kept inside as the empty ache slowly took over. The moment he was pulled in for another hug,his own arms slipped around Ben's slimmer frame, too,and he turned his head to hide his face in Ben's shoulder, nodding weakly as the tears finally began falling, the sobs to really shake his entire frame and just make him hug Ben all that tighter against himself, perhaps a little bit too tight for what was comfortable, but he didn't really have the greatest control over how much strength he had right now.

"I-I just... I d-don't even know...How... Why.... What happened... I just... I-I know what it means, a-and..." his voice was still shaking and broke once more towards the end, having been interrupted by small, hiccuping sobs as well. Like alright, he knew Stephen had pretty much been an asshole, but not really to Damien, no, after that initial week he'd been so kind and gentle... And willing to wait for him, he hadn't pressured him at all, which had been just like Damien wanted it. He'd been allowed to let things go at the pace that felt natural to himself rather than have to follow along with how impatient the witch had been. His feelings for the witch had finally blossomed with that, and now... Now he was just gone, and he didn't know what had happened, how he had died... But he knew he had, and just... The suddenness of it all, made it so much worse. "I just... I.... Ben, I had... I had only just gotten to really know him, I... I was looking forward to whatever would happen... And now... Now he's..."

Ben kept gently rocking from side to side and rubbing Damien's back as he spoke about some of the thoughts that were running through his head, not even thinking to comment on the tighter grip around him. Sure, he might get a little sore after this, but he only tightened his grip a little in return, just to show that he was still there and wasn't leaving anytime soon. He would stay there and just... listen and try to help in any way he could.

But it wasn't easy. Honestly, in Ben eyes, Damien didn't deserve this. He had seemed so happy with Stephen, even with the many bumps on the road and while love rarely lasted forever, he had thought that they'd have many happy years ahead of them, not just... well, less than a year. But life had a tendency to fuck people over, including the nice people
"I know, I know... and I hate to see you cry, but that just tells me that you've had something special with Stephen that no one can take away from you," he said, before pulling back a little - but he kept an arm around the other, he just needed to be able to look at him, and gently wipe a tear from his cheeks. "We'll figure out what happened, okay? You're not just gonna be left in the dark forever," he muttered and offered a small smile, but the worry was still evident. "But before any of that, you should get some sleep, alright? You can't keep going like this, so as scary as it is, you need to sleep just a little. But if you want me to, I can stay with you, so you won't be going through it alone,"

Damien just kept his face pressed in against Ben's neck and shoulder, deeply grateful that the siren was here, now, even though he'd just wanted him to go away, at first. But now that he had let the tears out, well... He really needed the comfort, needed something familiar, something the least bit stable in his life after the witch had been ripped away from him so suddenly - and Ben was by far the person he was closest to at this moment in time, so just what he needed right in this moment.

Damien sniffled, and softly nodded to Ben's words.He guessed he was right - as short as it had been, there had still been something special between them,yea. Something he hadn't felt with anyone else before, and he wasn't even really sure what it was, he just knew it'd been pleasant and he had felt so much happier for these few months. He finally lifted his gaze a little, brown eyes looking into grey as he bit his lip, nodded once more, and looked back down. The worst part was not knowing what had happened, of course, so he was thankful that Ben seemed to want to help with figuring that out.

But the next words from the siren made the hybrid shake his head, close his eyes again. "I can't," he muttered, his voice now hoarse from the tears. "I tried. It just... Just made it worse," he then said, swallowing once before opening his eyes again, obviously looking around for another energy drink, but sighing when he realized he couldn't reach it without pushing Ben away, which was something he really didn't want to do right now. His gaze returned to Ben's face, then, and he pressed himself close to the siren once more. "But please stay." he finally murmured, a little muffled against the soft skin of Ben's neck.

Ben gently cupped Damien's cheek in his hand, while the other spoke, gently swiping any tears away, that were making their way down his face. He sighed in defeat when Damien told him he had tried sleeping, but then he offered him a smile and nodded, when he was asked to stay. He wouldn't dream of leaving his friend in this situation, and immediately he put both his arms around the hybrid, when he moved in to cuddle close again.

"Don't worry, I'll stay here as long as you need me," he muttered, tightening his grip around Damien a little bit, before relaxing and just letting the other stay close. "Do you want to move to the bed? We could get some snacks over there, get my laptop so we can watch some of your favourite cartoons? Something with a happy ending?" he added the last thing, with a little smile, even though the other wouldn't be able to see it. He didn't want to pull back until he got a yes from Damien, just in case the other just wanted to sit there and hug it out.

A few weak sniffles still escaped while Ben's hand rested against his cheek, and he looked up at him once or twice as he spoke, and the siren gently stroked his tears away. Really, he was just so damn lucky to have Ben. He couldn't ever have asked for a better friend... Not even once before had he met someone that was this supportive towards him, who was not related to him, that was. And that was just so nice - to have someone there to catch him when he fell, like right now. Burying his nose in Ben's neck again, he closed his eyes against the by now sort of silent tears - at least compared to the sobs before - and just let the scent of his best friend wash over him, trying to bury himself in just that and let it calm him down a little. It... Sort of worked. At least it gave him something to focus on.

He heard what Ben said, but didn't answer or even react for the longest time, just kept himself occupied with the siren's smell as he mulled it over. Finally, after almost a full minute of thinking, the promise of more snacking won him over, and he nodded against Ben's neck. "Yea," he muttered, too, voice still a bit raw, a bit hoarse and thick with emotion. "... Thanks, Ben. You're really... The best friend I could ever ask for,"

Ben simply let the hybrid snuggle close and think about the offer, for as long as he needed. Besides, he was so used to the two of them being this close, so it didn't bother him the least. So he put one hand up into Damien's hair, gently playing with the thin fine hairs on the nape of his neck, while his other hand was on the hybrid's back, gently tracing invisible patterns onto his skin. Normally, Ben didn't really know how to comfort other people, but this guy was his exception. Maybe it was all their cuddling or the fact that Damien had never tried anything with him, that made it so easy? Who knew. All Ben was sure of, was that he didn't feel misplaced in the situation.

That was also most likely the reason as to why Ben didn't pull back as soon as Damien agreed on his idea, and a few seconds later, he definitely didn't regret it either. Damien's words earned him a soft hum from the siren and a gentle squeeze, before Ben pulled back once more - but he still held onto the hybrid.
"Fetch the snacks you want and I'll get my laptop. I'll be back in a few, alright?" he said, smiling softly at him, just as he got up from the other's lap.
Now, he had promised to make it quick, hadn't he? So as quickly but quietly as he could, as to not rouse Miles, he went back to his room to fetch his laptop, charger, a few of his books and the softest and fuzziest blanket he owned, before getting back to the other's room.

He pushed the gaming chair over in front of the bed, sat down a few books, which he placed his laptop on, so it wouldn't overheat because of the fabric, and hooked it up with the charger, before opening it and getting onto Netflix. He remembered the cartoon Steven Universe, as something Damien liked but ultimately decided against it because of the name. Maybe a Disney movie? Hmm...
It took some time but finally Ben found Vaiana to be a good idea. No romance, only one death (which didn't count, because the grandma returned as a spirit) but it wasn't just for children either. Yes, it would do for this day. He moved the covers and pillows around to make a perfect little nest for the two of them to lie in, and then he just waited for Damien to be ready with the snacks.

He pressed a little bit closer to the siren at first, grateful for the comfort - physical as well as verbal. But when Ben pulled back a little, Damien raised a hand to wipe away more of the tears, sniffling a bit as he nodded. Now he just hoped nobody saw him out in the hallways - not that he was ashamed or something of the tears that continued running down his cheeks, but rather because he didn't want to answer any questions. Ben only got things out of him so easy because, well, the siren was really the person he trusted the most besides his own family at this point in time. He slowly stood up, on slightly wobbly legs, after Ben had slipped off of his lap, and looked after him for a few seconds, before he himself pulled up the hood of the hoodie before he shuffled out into the hallway and down the hall.

Sadly, he had exhausted the supply he usually had of snacks and energy drinks in his room, and his magic couldn't quite reach his locker from their room... So he had to go down a couple of hallways before he was within reach of it, so he simply closed his eyes to concentrate for a little bit, and boom, he had two of the three bags filled with drinks and snacks in his hands, that he'd kept in the locker. He quickly glanced down in them to be sure it was the two of the bags he'd wanted, and when he was sure of that, he turned around and began shuffling back to the room. He met one or two others on the way who looked a little after him, but luckily there was no comments so he could just get back to the room in silence.

When he got back and saw Ben having already gotten the setup ready, a weak smile tilted his lips for a short moment - he was so incredibly grateful, and felt extremely lucky in just that moment, to have someone like Ben in his life, someone that'd care enough to do this for him. He pushed the door closed behind him with a foot, and placed the snacks and drinks right next to the bed, and moved into place with Ben in the cozy little nest he'd made of the blankets and pillows. Once they were all settled in, Damien once more had an energy drink in one hand, and the other moving almost constantly between a bag of crisps and his mouth, as he leant up against the siren as they watched the movie.

When Damien returned, Ben made space for the hybrid to sit down close to him and decided that it was alright putting an arm around the other's shoulders - if nothing else, then just because the closeness seemed to make the other feel safer and more comfortable. With a soft smile, Ben let the other make himself comfortable before leaning over to start the movie.

Honestly, Ben wasn't the biggest Disney-fan out there. He liked the movies, sure, but he wasn't a fanatic. This movie was one of his favourites though, partly because Vaiana wasn't a weak-willed princess who needed to be saved, but mostly because he could kinda relate to her in a way too literate way for it to even be funny. And since he liked it, he had seen it several times, making him unconsciously hum along to some of the tunes in-between taking a few pieces of the snacks that Damien had brought along.

Throughout the whole thing, Damien basically got to move around however he wanted, and Ben would just accommodate the change. But somehow, no matter how he was leaning against Ben, the siren would find his fingers threading through the hybrid's hair or gently rubbing against the other's arm after a few minutes, probably in an attempt to comfort the other in whichever way he could.

All the while, as they were cuddling, Damien found himself enjoying the closeness more than he thought he would - not that he had anything against physical closeness like this, but Ben had been the first one he'd ever been able to do it for this long with, without things having to go in another direction. And that, not having to worry about other things than just this moment, the hand in his hair, his best friend right beside him... That was way more comforting than anything else he could imagine.

He didn't really move all that much, not even when he finished his bag of chips - snap of his fingers and the empty bag had been replaced with a new, full one, the same with the sodas. From time to time, his eyes flickered from the movie to Ben, just the smallest, grateful smile breaking through the otherwise sad facade - he had never been happier to have gotten to know the wonderful siren right beside him. He didn't say anything else, just turned his attention back to the movie, but he did give Ben just a small, thankful squeeze, and returned to watch the movie. Right now, things didn't seem quite as gloom as they had for the past twelve hours. Just the tiniest smile on his face, he settled back in, and let out a soft sigh, content to just keep watching movies and snack on with his best friend for the rest of the day - or at least until sleep claimed him later in the afternoon.

//Out <3