Through the Window (CW, TW) - Kenna

Tidspunkt: 03:30
Deltager: @Kenna
Outfit: Butt-naked!
Vejr: Intenst regnvejr

Jaxson did not know how long he'd been here by now. The small room was beginning to suffocate his entire being and he could almost no longer hold on to his own humanity. His body was on fire, completely drugged and he was so hungry he wanted to eat his own chains! But he couldn't move. He was too weak. The things he'd been put through had left its mark on his, as he was bloody and pale as a white sheet. He just wanted to go home. To James. To all the familiar things. He wanted to cry, but he just couldn't. He was just lying there, on the floor, in his own blood, completely still.

He wondered when he would come back with his haunting beautiful voice. When would he be beaten and drugged and filled with that weird acid again? Would the bare-chested tattooed man enforce himself upon him again? Would he call him bad names and do bad stuff? Jaxson didn't want it. He just wanted to be left alone, to just lay here and die in peace. But did he really want that? No. As he lay there, his mind became even more of a mess, until he screamed as loud as he could, but to no avail, because the noise was cancelled by the walls and no one could hear him. Then there was nothing. All his feelings of terror and sadness... Gone. He was an empty shell, laying on the floor of his room, nothing left inside him anymore.
Until the door opened again showing a new, slightly smaller silhouette.

Outfit + Jacket

Kenna had stopped by Nathaniel and Spencer's home. After what happened, both her and Nathaniel thought it would be best if she checked in once in a while. She had fallen asleep on the couch, but awoke when she felt very cold, despite the blanket that had been placed over her. She sat up and rubbed her arms to make them feel warmer. Then she saw it. It was like she was standing across from him at first. Seeing how his body was broken and his mind too, it would seem. Then she saw it from his point of view. She felt him. Felt how scared he was, how broken the whole thing had made him. She couldn't see what happened exactly, but she knew some of those feelings. Although this felt worse. Then suddenly she felt nothing at all. She shook her head to knock herself out of it. But she knew where he was. At least in which part of the city he was in.

She sneaked into Spencer's room and grabbed a shirt and some pants. She then walked outside and looked around. She should get him some blood, but she was so far away from everything. She didn't have the time. She would just have to share some of her own. She started to run towards the place she thought he was. She had hidden the clothes away under her jacket to keep it dry and warm for him. When she appeared in front of the buildings, she listened for any sign of life. She didn't hear anything, so instead she tried to feel his feelings. Still nothing. She closed her eyes and tried to hear what he could hear. She started to walk and heard her steps moving closer. Eventually she stood in front of building. She broke open the door and went inside. She felt so much for the guy laying on the floor. Gently, she moved to him. "Hi," she said and sat down on her knees. "I want to help you, if you'll let me." She pulled forward the clothes and placed them in front of him. "I won't hurt you, I promise you." Perhaps it was wrong, but she tried to induce a feeling of peace in him. Maybe that would make him willing to let her help him. He was less likely to do so if he was scared, or even worse, feeling nothing.

Shirt + Pants

There was a wild smell in the room as the silhouette entered. Not only that, but he could the familiar smell of Spencer, from where he didn't know. But it was there, and it made sense. And he was feeling a sense of peace as the strange woman spoke. Her voice was calming, and the young vampire struggled to move, his hand stretching out to grab the bundle of clothes that smelled like Spencer. As he did the jingle-jangle of the chains sounded, irritating him. His feelings were slowly returning to the surface, but even with the overwhelmin fear, the strange woman's peaceful aura stopped him from attempting to crawl away. He just kept still, one shaky hand grabbing the clothes. His teeth were sharp, his eyes flashed a hungry red when he made eye contact.

"Please.. I need to get out of here," his voice was as shaky as his body, but he was still like a trapped animal in the chains enclosed around his wrists, the burning sensation making his hands clench an unclench. He could feel that he was about to doze off but he didn't want to, so he started blinking furiously. "I don't.. I don't think I can hold on..." he said, now in barely a whisper.

Kenna wanted to be sure he wouldn’t act violently towards her. She knew it was something that could happen, if you had been pushed so far you didn’t dare trust anyone. She had been on the path. Luckily for her, she had gotten off before reaching a breaking point. Sadly, not everyone shared in on the luck. She could see he was hungry. She didn’t really know if werewolf blood were any good to vampires, but she would share if needs be.

”And you will,” she promised, slowly moving closer to him. She looked at the chains around his wrist and gently took hold of them to release him from them. She could see he was in danger of passing out. ”Hey listen to me,” she walked back to his front to get eye contact with him. ”You can and will hold on. I will carry you out of here into safety if that’s what it takes, but you’ll get out of here alive.” She was trying to be gentle, even if her words were a little stern. ”I’m not sure it’ll be good for you, but at least it will keep you alive.” She used her semi-long nails to make an open wound on her wrist. She offered it to him. Out of respect, she didn’t look anywhere else but his eyes. He was vulnerable enough without having to deal with a stranger seeing him naked. However, she might have to if he needed help getting into the close, which he might by the state of him.

The strange woman seemed stern in her words, but her actions were gentle. Once the chain were away it was as if a heavy burden was taken off Jaxson's shoulder. Only that meant he became less panicked and more relaxed, which, in this case, was less fortunate for the already extremely weak vampire. He sighed and stayed still for a bit before the woman's voice sounded again, reassuring, but stern and slightly rough. It was a good thing. It made him stay consciouss just a while longer. He blinked a couple of times and looked into her eyes, almost his entire soul laid bare before her as he found safety in those words. He didn't need to do anything. He could let her have the responsibilities and he could finally have peace from his tormentors.

".. But you don't know me.. You don't.. You don't know.. What I've done," the guilt hit him like a semi-truck, straight in his guts. He'd killed. Several times. For the first time. He'd promised himself NOT to kill ever, and now he'd broken that promise and he was the monster he'd sworn not to be. And he wanted to just dissappear. Why would she help?! Jax didn't get it.
But he couldn't control himself. As soon as blood dripped down the stranger's wrist, his predatory eyes opened fully and he looked her wrist, licking his lips as if this would be his last meal before he would die. He grabbed her wrist, trying to be forceful, but his grasp was a weak as that of an ancient old man. The blood entered his mouth and he felt pure bliss mixed with a primal sense. As if the blood he was drinking belonged to something feral. It made him more alert, or that's what he convinced himself of. It took all his effort not to drink the woman dry. He stopped after a few sips, dragged himself backwards as if he'd just been punched in the face, his facial expression one of pure terror. He had done it again! She would die! He would feel her panic, and then her death! It would come any time. "No.. No.. N-no, not again, I don't want this. I.. No more.. I can't!" he was frantically yelling at this point, shivering from head to toe. He didn't want her to die, but it was going to happen!

Kenna tried her best to handle every situation with the care it deserved. This right here, deserved more care than anything she had ever encountered. She was no psychiatrist, she couldn’t help people as much as she wished she could, but she would do what she could. Right now she could get him out of here, get him fed and made sure he healed. And then after that, there wasn’t much she could do. Even if she had studied psychology at college, it was not enough for her to use in real life.

She felt his guilt so clearly. What he was guilty about she didn’t know. ”Kindness is not kind if you judge people for their past actions. I don’t care what you have done. I just know I can help you now, nothing else matters.” It truly didn’t matter to her. If she found out he was a criminal or something like that, she would handle that then. But if she just let him die, she would never know for sure.
She let him take the blood he needed. If it went on for too long and she could feel the effects of blood loss, she would of course end it, but for now she was okay. She was confused when he looked absolutely terrified. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know why he was so scared. He fell back, mumbling frantically about something not happening again. She knew she had to do something. She had deliberately tried to not touch him. She knew from own experience, how it would feel to be touched after suffering from an attack. But right now, she felt like that was what he needed. He needed to feel something that wasn’t cruel. She pulled the jacket off and went over to him. She sat down next to him, gently putting the jacket over him. She then started by taking his hand, gently stroking her thumb across the back. If he didn’t his hand away, she would but her arms around him in a motherly embrace. She would shush him comfortingly. ”It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

Her words mattered. You wouldn't think they did, but they did, deep inside of Jaxson's mind he could feel it lightening him. Just a tiny little bit. But it didn't change the fact that he was terrified that she was going to die right here and now. They all died. That's how it worked. Their wrist would be presented, he would drink, and they would die. Every single one of them.
He was covering his face with shaky hands, so he never saw her move until he felt something being draped over his shoulders. It was warm. He liked it. He didn't know why, but he liked it, even though he flinched from the touch, until she grabbed her hand.

He looked up at her, only for a second, trying to calm himself. She wasn't dead? He was so sure, so very sure that he had drained her, but appearently he hadn't and she was still here. Her arms around him made him flinch again, but then he felt the power of her embrace, and he started to relax, just a bit. Her voice was calming. She was still here.
"C-Can we leave? I don't like this place," he voice was barely a whisper and slowly pressed himself against her. He wanted to leave, but at the same time this was the most comforting thing he'd felt in a very long time. He wanted to stay in her embrace, just for a little while.
"He made me do it. Pretty voice, rough hands, blood everywhere," Jaxson really didn't know why he said these things, but he felt himself unable to shut up.

Kenna was trying to do right by him. She had no idea exactly what had happened, just that it was enough to make him flinch beneath her touch. She never wanted anyone to ever feel like that. Sadly, she couldn’t stop it. Things like this happened everyday and she hated it. She gently stroked his arms. She tried to respect him. If he needed space, she would of course give it to him. ”Of course we can,” she said in a quiet voice. She grabbed the clothes she had brought, only keeping one arm around him. She looked at him when he spoke again. She didn’t know what he meant, but just the fact that he said something about it was a big step. ”We will have plenty of time to talk. For now, let’s just get out of here, okay?”

She looked at him with such care, you wouldn’t expect her to show a stranger. ”Let’s get some clothes on.” She removed the jacket to instead get the t-shirt on him. She wasn’t sure if it would fit, but he didn’t seem to be neither much taller or wider than Spencer, so hopefully it would be okay for a time. She gently put each hand through the sleeves and pulled it over his head lastly. She did so with as gentle touch she could. She took the pants and did the same with each leg. She put a hand around his back. ”I’m going to life you just a little,” she informed him and lifted his body so she could pull the pants all the way up. She then put him down again just as gently. She put the jacket over him again. She kept the hand around him, and put the other under his knees, standing up with him in her arms. It took her a moment to gain her balance before she started to walk one step at a time to keep her balance. He was taller than her, so it was a bit of a challenge. It worked fine until they were almost out the building, where she stepped on a lose tile and stumped towards a window.

Jax was happy that the woman kept talking. Her voice was not like the bare-chested man's voice. Hers was lighter, more comforting. That being said it wasn't less pretty. It just had a much better sound to it.
"Okay.." he nodded in agreement, because he didn't want to anger her, even though she really didn't seem the angry sort. He was just still scared of everything that came through the door to this little, horrible, bloody, and disgusting room. "Clothes?... Oh.. Yeah," he hesitated a bit, but allowed the woman to help him, because he didn't even really know how to do it all by himself. It was as if he'd forgotten such a basic thing to do and it was frustrating and humiliating. But he didn't mind her help, for once. He just wanted to go home again.

He even let her carry him, even though it felt like he was flying, which only meant that he started to cling on to her for dear life as she stumbled out the door. They were out of the room! No more disgust and fear! He was free again. He yelped when she stumbled and panicked again as they both fell towards a window. His powers sprung to life, and instead of smashing the window they both just fell through it out of a man-sized mirror he had in his bedroom. That's where they fell onto the ground and Jaxson groaned in pain, before he could feel the hunger and exhaustion again. Logic entered his mind. He needed to feed before he completely lost himself to whatever would happened to vampires when they were almost completely drained. His muscles went more and more rigid and he couldn't move even an inch. "Kitchen. Blood," with great effort he managed to point in a general direction before he lost all mobility and started to stiffen up. He was so fucking tired.
"I think.. I'll take a nap.." Jaxson closed his eyes for a few seconds and darkness began to slowly creep up in him.

Kenna made sure to not raise her voice to much, to keep it soft and lowered. She knew very well how loud noises or voices could trigger a person who had been through a trauma. She felt how he held on to her closely. She didn’t mind. She just wanted him to feel safe, and if that helped him, it wasn’t a problem. She was surprised when they ended up in another room instead of breaking through the window. She didn’t do anything at first. She was confused about what just happened. It wasn’t until his voice broke through and told her where she could get blood for him. She hurried towards the kitchen and went straight for the fridge, expecting it to be in there. She grabbed a bag and returned to him. ”No no. No sleep yet. Soon, I promise.” She gently lifted his head so it rested on her thigh. She put the bag to his lips for him to drink it. If not, she would have to force feed him, which she was against, but he needed the blood to heal. She slowly stroked his forehead and hair, humming quietly as to calm him.

She didn’t expect him to trust her or to tell her anything. She was not doing this to gain his trust or recognition or anything like that. She did it, because she had once laid on a cold floor like that, feeling so helpless and alone. She could make a difference for him, make him feel less alone. She hoped to restore some of the hope he had undoubtedly lost. She wanted him to be able to move on. But that needed strength. She wanted to be sure he had that. If that meant she had to stay with his side for days, she would do it. She couldn’t leave if she thought he was going to hurt himself or anyone else.

Jaxson could vaguely feel his head being gently lifted and laid on something. Her voice sounded distant, but something pressed against his lips and he could smell blood and plastic. It wasn't a human, it was just a blood bag. He could deal with that for now, so he started drinking while feeling the soothing touches. It was calming and at the same time his body slowly started healing. He was still drugged, but it was starting to fade, giving him a much clearer mind than he'd had in days. He was still very out of it, but it was getting a little better with every drop of blood mixed with the comfort of the woman he still didn't know, but was very grateful for. He would have to thank her at some point, but right now he was busy draining the bag of all its content.

The blood made him more coherent and when it was drained dry his eyes were wide open. He was still paler than a normal vampire, but he wasn't beginning to mumify anymore. Instead he slowly took the bag out of her hands and put it out of sight. Right now he hated it, he wanted to be a human again, to feel varm properly, but he knew there was no going back. At this point he also regained enough thought to be able to smell the woman sitting there with him. She smelled primal, a bit wild, just the way her blood had tasted. She wasn't a human, that was for sure! Then again, how could a human break chains the way she'd done it. "Thank you," he mumbled, quietly, but also showing his gratitude as he knew that without her help he'd have been trapped in that room forever. He would never see James again. He would only see the bare-chested monster with the beautiful, eerie voice. The thought alone made him shudder in slight fear. "Who are you?" even though he was still laying on her he was still curious, in between the fear and sadness that were flowing through his mess of a brain.

Kenna was relieved when he started to drink. It was vital that he got some more blood in him. Her blood had made sure he was going to die then and there, but for him to get all he needed, he would have to drain her, if that was even enough. Obviously, she wasn’t interested in that. She had a feeling he wasn’t either. He had seemed to think he had no right to get help back there, but maybe it was just said out of frustration and fear.

She could feel how it helped, how his emotions was awoken again besides the fear and exhaustion she had picked up on earlier. She felt his gratitude first. She let him take the bag. The fact that he had regained strength to do so, was a step in the right direction. She smiled slightly at him when he thanked her. ”You’re welcome,” she told him. She felt a few different emotions from him. The sadness and fear were the most dominant. He had been hurt badly, there was no doubt about it, and it was going to take time to get past. But the fact that he felt curiosity as well, meant all hope wasn’t lost. ”My name is Kenna.” She didn’t know what else to tell him. She wasn’t sure if she should tell him how she came to find him. If he asked, she would. But maybe it was better for him to focus on other things. ”Do you want to get on the bed?” She thought that might be more comfortable for him while he was recovering. She shortly looked down at her wrist where a little blood was still emerging from the wound. She would have to take of that.

It was weird, laying here on a complete stranger's leg, but the minute she said her name he felt right again. Maybe he didn't know her, but she had helped and that mattered. He couldn't really give a shit about anything else. There was only his aforementioned curiousity as to what she was. Some kind of kind beast? He didn't know, but he wanted to. He kept looking at her, a very small smile forming on his tired face, because he was glad to be home even though he had so many questions, not only for Kenna, but for his sire. Had the monster been correct? Had James transformed him only because he thought he was nice to be in bed with? Was there nothing else between them than that? Jax felt there was more, but he didn't know if James felt the same, if his sire even thought of him as family after what had happened. It was devastating to think of, but he just couldn't avoid it.

"I'm Jax," no last name, not even his full first name. He didn't have the mental strength to say it all, and beside, she would probably figure it out anyways now that they were in his home.
"I.. I don't know. I should get cleaned up first.. Shouldn't I?" he could still feel all the blood spattered around on his own body. Frankly it felt disgusting. "I probably look like shit," it was stated matter-of-factly as he looked at his hands. They too had blood spattered all over them. Vile.
As if on que, he looked down at Kenna's wrist at the same time as she did, staring blankly at it for a couple of seconds. "You uhm... You might wanna get that fixed first.. I can wait," now that he was more coherent, the more gentle side of him showed up, but it was not only concern in general that he felt. He wanted to lick the wound, taste the blood and he couldn't do it at the same time. It felt so wrong.

Kenna didn’t think much of it. If people didn’t help those who needed, she would truly lose faith in the world. However she did know not everyone had people’s best entrance at heart, but if there was two good people for every bad person, there was still hope. He saw the small smile on his lips. She could see a lot went through his mind. She was not going to stop him. He might need to process some things, and that was sometimes best done alone. ”Hi Jax,” she said with a gentle voice. She would normally say it was nice to meet him, but the circumstances had been anything but nice. She wasn’t sure he had the energy to get cleaned, but if he wanted that, of course he should.

”To be fair, I have nothing to compare to,” she said with a slight smile, not sure if he was ready for jokes. She looked at her arm again when he spoke of it. ”Okay, I’ll be right back.” She gently removed herself from him, but made sure he was sitting against the bed instead. She went to his bathroom and found some gage. She quickly, and as good a possible, wrapped her wrist before returning to him. ”I can help you with a shower if you need. Or at least help you to the shower.” It didn’t matter much to him, but of course she would understand if he would prefer to do it alone. It was after all something that made him vulnerable, and they had just met. And now that he was more coherent, it might be preferable to him to take care of it himself.

When Kenna greeted Jaxson in such a gentle voice it occured to him he hadn't even said hello to her. He'd just been like a little, broken vegetable instead, not even being a gentleman or anything like he'd usually be and that made him feel really vulnerable. He wasn't used to be under the reins of his own emotions, no, usually he kept a lid on every thing that made him seem weak. But not tonight it would seem. Kenna had just read him like an open book and the first he knew about it was right now, as her voice was projected in such a calming and comforting manner. "Right, yeah, hi.. I'd shake hands, but.. Yeah, you know," his own demeanor became a bit more distant and awkward as his insides both screamed for her comfort and also tried to reject it like he always would have done it.

But Jaxson still knew that he desperately needed her help so he couldn't just refuse or tell her to leave. Her smile and slightly joking words made it all a bit easier and he found that he couldn't help but smile back at her. With her help he ended up sitting up against his own bed, which made him feel a bit more in control. He liked that. It felt a lot better even though he was still covered in blood spatter, drugged up on whatever his victims had been forced to inject themselves with. He sat completely still while Kenna was gone, nerves building up in the short amount of time, but luckily dissappearing when she returned her wrist covered and secure from his bloodlust. Her offer of helping made Jaxson think hard. Did he want that kind of help? It felt like two years ago when he had just been transformed into what he was now, except he barely knew this woman. But in the end he knew he couldn't stand on his own, so he just offered his hand to be helped up.
"I think.. I don't know. We can start off trying to make it to the bathroom? If it all goes to hell I can just sleep out there," it was a bad attempt at a joke and Jaxson visibly cringed over it.

Kenna didn’t care about manners, least of all right now. She didn’t need him to shake her hand or thank her. It wasn’t because she needed the gratitude, even though she did appreciate it. ”It’s okay,” she said shortly looking at his hands. She was not one to easily quit. She would respect him, but not be pushed away easily. She knew from Spencer how big lies the words ‘I’m fine’ could be, how much pain they could try to hide. She was not going to let anyone lie to her like that again. The thought of something could have happen to Spencer, that it nearly did, because she didn’t take action, it just killed her.

She looked at him, waiting to know if he wanted any help. She shook her head when he made a joke she didn’t catch. ”How about no? I’m here now, I might as well make myself useful, right?” She couldn’t see why she shouldn’t help him now that she was here, even if she hadn’t exactly asked to be in his apartment, it was probably for the best. She walked closer to him. ”Do you think you can walk with some help?” She wanted to make it as comfortable for him as possible, and she had a feeling it was better if he could do as much himself as possible. If not, she would carry him again. It might be easier than before, since he was more conscious now. She tried to not show pity when she looked at him, but it wasn’t easy. However, it was hardly what he needed right now. He needed someone who could help him past this day, someone who didn’t judge or asked questions he didn’t want to answer. She knew from herself, the worst kind of help was the one people thought she needed, and not the one she actually needed. That was exactly why she was not assuming what he wanted or needed, but actually asking him.

Jax was beginning to understand at this point: Kenna was not one to push other people to do anything they didn't want to. She was so understanding of him at least, so that's what he gathered. Maybe because she knew Spencer? He wasn't sure of that part.
"Yeah, I.. I just don't want you to strain yourself," he mumbled in an unsaid apology. Because he didn't know what she was, but he knew that there was a difference between them. He was a man, who probably weighed more than Kenna did. And that difference in weight could really put a toll on the smaller person.

He could almost sense that Kenna put a lot of effort in, not to pity him, which he was grateful for. He didn't want pity. He wanted understanding and nothing else. Maybe deep inside the pits of his slightly cold soul he actually wanted pity, but that was just so foreign and akward to him that even he himself didn't understand that urge at all. "Yeah, let's try it," and then Jaxson attempted to take a stand by himself. It was extremely tough. His legs were shaking with the strain, but he managed to get up standing before the fattigue set in and made him stand dangerously unstable. He quickly reached out and grabbed Kenna's shoulder for support and couldn't help but shake his head. Unbelievably. He was like an infant. It was embarrassing! "Alright.. So far, so good I guess?" he wasn't looking at Kenna by this point, feeling to defeated to make eye contact.

Kenna could say it was her education in psychology that made her at least okay at handling people who had been through something, but what really made the difference was that she knew at least some of the feelings Jax was going through. Of course everyone reacted and felt different. ”How about we make a deal.” She suggested and looked at him with a slight smile. ”You tell me if something is too much and I will do the same?” She would of course tell him if it something was too difficult, but she had a feeling very few things would be.

He tried to stand up, and she was quick moved to him. She moved put her arm around his back, placing her hand on his ribs. ”We’re good,” she said. ”One step at a time.” She was going to move in his tempo. She was in no rush. It was in the middle of the night. If she wasn’t here, she would just be sleeping. She could do without a few hours. Her touch around him was light. It was just meant as a support. If he was close to falling, she would be quicker to reach him. ”You know what my mom always told me?” She wanted him to not feel like something was wrong with him, like he was broken or weak. ”She said that the best view came after the hardest climb. I never forgot that. Because I know from own experiences, that whenever you overcome something tough, you will see the world different and something incredible will come your way.” She felt that way with Ellery. He was the first person she met after coming here and she was so grateful for him. Now she had another thing to overcome, and it was going to be even harder than what she had been through before, but with the support of those she loved, she knew she would get through it.

Jax could go with a deal like that. It made it almost sound that he wasn't the only one being strained by all of this. Then he wasn't alone with that feeling, even though he knew that Kenna could probably take it with how confident she sounded and looked. But he could live in that illusion for now.
"Alright, we've got a deal," he agreed with a nod. And then came the hard work of getting to the bathroom. He kind of hoped he could do it completely by himself, but he could already feel his legs buckle ever so slightly until Kenna put and arm around his back and he responded by laying an arm over her shoulders, just so he had something to hold on to.

He silently agreed to take it slow, going forward carefully. Without her to lean on he'd have fallen on his ass or his face already and he found that he was leaning on her more than he cared to admit. But it was just something he would have to accept. His legs were straining hard, both because he hadn't had the chance to take a walk for several days and because of all the shit he had in his systems. He was dizzy as hell, but ever so slowly they were getting closer to the bathroom. At least it was close to his bedroom!

At the same time, he felt like he was punched right in the guts when Kenna spoke about her mom, as it reminded him of an old promise he'd made to his own mother: To never take drugs ever again. And now he'd done it, involuntarily, so many times that he wasn't sure if he would get withdrawal later, and he felt extremely bad for it. "Yeah.. I know," his voice wavered because he felt a sudden urge to let go of the extreme emotions of sadness and deep regrets, but he won control back pretty quickly. For now at least. "My mum told me something similar a couple years ago.. And I have been there.. But this is just.. Worse," it was really difficult to talk about, but he trusted Kenna, somewhat. She had helped him so much already after all and though he hated talking about himself and his own roller coaster of fucked up things he'd experienced it was... Maybe a little easier with her. As they finally reached the bathroom he needed a quick break as he stopped dead in his tracks, leaning a little more on her, feeling out of breath even though he technically didn't have to breathe - the delightful perks of being undead.

She wasn’t supposed to feel good about this, and in many, many ways she didn’t. But it was nice to be needed. She needed that feeling so much. It made her feel like she had something to offer. It was selfish, but it was how she felt. She helped him forward slowly and without rushing him. She could sense his emotions when he spoke of his mother. ”I know.” She appreciated that he opened up to her, even if it was just a little. It just made her feel like her help wasn’t done in vain. She didn’t expect him to tell her anything. They barely knew each other, but if he did feel like it, she would gladly listen.

She stopped when he did, tightening her grip around him just a little to make sure he didn’t fall over. ”Here,” she gently led him to the closed toilet and sat him down on it. ”How would you prefer to do this?” She would respect however he wanted to do it. If he would do it alone, she would wait outside just in case something happened. She understood why it might be inappropriate for her to help him shower, so she wasn’t going to push it, even though she would gladly help him. She hoped it could help him. She knew from herself it really helped getting on warm water. It felt like all the bad was washed away. But only until the next time she had a nightmare, or someone raised their voice at her.

//Kort, beklager <3

Once Jax was seated on his toilet, he took a deep breath - even though he didn't have to - and tried to calm himself. His emotions were really on a roller coaster inside of him, but he didn't want to switch them off. He was scared of his not-caring side. He looked up as Kenna asked him a question, slightly unfocused again. "I think I can do it.. On my own," he then slowly started removing his shirt first. His upper body was still spattered in blood, most of it congealed. The pants came off not long after. "Can you.. Stay in here? Just in case I fall or something," it was hard to ask, because Jaxson didn't just do it out of practicality. He didn't want to be alone. It was terrifying. Being alone. He couldn't handle that right now.

Whether Kenna stayed or not, Jax slowly got up again to enter the shower, turning it on quite hot, but not too much. The splashes of warm water was a comforting feeling, and as he looked down, the blood covering most of his body was starting to come off. He wanted to think that after this he could be a new, fresh person. He could pretend nothing had happened. But that was impossible. His mind was still full of everything that had happened. How he had asked for the monster to stay and how he had felt nice because the monster did something for once that wasn't pain. But it was still so very, very wrong. He hated it, and he hated that man for what he had done. And then came his feelings about how he'd dealt with everything himself. He hadn't been strong enough. He'd been weak, wildly unstable, fucked up. He felt powerless.

He got himself cleaned up. That much was possible for him at least. But as he stood there, ready to get out again, his walls slowly crumbled again. He stumbled backwards until his back hit the shower-wall. There he slowly slid down into a sitting position, putting his arms around himself in discomfort, slowly beginning to violently shake once again. He was a wreck, who'd taken drugs even though he'd promised not to, he'd had sex with a man who probably found it super amazing, but also had used him, breaking him into tiny pieces. And now he craved both that sex, the drugs and that man's blood. It was like a deep, chaotic hunger that just grew and grew until Jax finally couldn't take it any longer. Tears of blood starting falling from his eyes. It didn't help that he was a vampire, because that only meant his feelings mostly just had control over him and not the other way around. But he didn't want them to dissappear. Never again. "I can't.. I'm a fucking monster," there was no other explanation. He'd enjoyed the sex that he and the velvet-voiced man had shared, and he had killed so many people while he was trapped in there. He could only be a monster.

Kenna nodded when he said he wanted to it on himself. She turned around when he undressed. She took a step towards the door when he asked her to stay. ”Of course.” She had a feeling it wasn’t just because he was scared of falling, but she was not going to point it out. When he went into the shower, she turned around and leaned against the wall. She looked down on her feet while he was in there. She was just a safety net for him right now, and she didn’t need to be anything else. She looked up and saw his silhouette was no longer standing, but sitting in a corner

She took a towel and walked to him. She noticed the tears of blood from his eyes. She turned off the water and placed the towel over him. A monster? No. He wasn’t a monster. Whoever did this to him was a monster. ”Why do you think that?” It didn’t help if she just told him it wasn’t true. She had to explain to him why it wasn’t true. And she intended to. She was going to explain what a monster what and therefore why he wasn’t one. She used the edge of the towel to gently dry away his tears. ”Don’t blame yourself for this. It can never be your fault.” She looked at him carefully, wanting to do what he needed and right now, she wasn’t sure what he needed.