Sometimes sitting by isnt an option

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He kept pulling at her and she wanted it badly, making her core spin as he returned her whisper with a soft purr. God she could've sworn he was doing this on purpose, making her long for him when they could get caught. There would always be a thrill to that feeling. "Like I do it all by myself," she whispered back with a longing sound in her voice. She moved her hand down his back, playing with the edge of his shirt as she continued to kiss him. "Carry me to bed," she purred, biting his lower lip as she felt like she would go crazy if she didn't get to feel him soon.

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He chuckled at her whisper, knowing she was right as he wasnt exactly behaving like a saint in the matter. He felt so compelled to just follow her movements, return every kiss with eager just to hope that Nessa wouldnt suddenly barge in to a sight that she probably would dread forever. Her purr made him smile devilishly as he felt her teeth dig into his lip. How she could always make his body react accordingly to his rising need, with no chance of him holding back - How he would always be someone she could tangle around her finger. He didnt mind it, not one bit. He lifted her up by her thighs, groaning a little as the movement made her slide against him. “As you wish,” he whispered softly as he carried her into their bedroom, making the door close rather softly with a push of his heel. “What do you imagine our wedding night would be like?” He asked seductively as he laid her on the bed with him above her.

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His groan, good lord it sent shivers down her spine as she wrapped her legs around his hips. She buried her face in the nape of his neck as he carried her, kissing his skin and feeling the swirls radiate heat beneath her lips. As the door closed she felt her whole body spin a little, mostly because she knew what was about to happen. He placed her on the bed and she sighed with delight as he asked his question. "Well my feet will be killing me for sure," she whispered, chuckling a bit as she imagined it. She would dance with him all night, she just knew that in her heart. "I would probably fall asleep in the cab on the way to the airport," she said teasingly as she pressed her hips against him, making her whimper slightly under her breath. "And once we reached our honeymoon destination, I would be ready for you and I to ruin the place with our filth," she whispered as she could almost imagine it.

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His heart was accelerating into hard beats at just the thoughts of how he knew where and how to touch her to make her sing for him in the way he longed for her to. He couldnt ever get tired because this feeling that he felt always felt so different each time. Her answer to his question made him smile a little, endeared by how real it seemed to be in his mind, like living frames of how it would actually be. “I would probably make you call me your husband over and over because I couldnt believe it to be real,” he whispered with a soft smile as he gently jerked his hips between her legs, biting his lip to mask a groan.

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Her body was being kicked in to overdrive, feeling his hands caressing her skin. And not to mention the soft groans that seemed to leave both of their lips when the emotions in their chest seemed to become too much to hold in. His whisper made her chuckle, because she knew she would probably have to ignore most of the English language for him to hear her call him her husband. “And you’d make me say it so many times that I will be mumbling it in my sleep,” she replied in a soft voice. He pushed against her, making her gasp for air as she felt her need for him rise even more, if that was possible. “How am I supposed to keep it down when you do things like that?” She whispered in a needing tone. Moving her hands down his chest, she clawed a little at him, just to get some of her pent up emotions out. She looked in to his grey green eyes, knowing in her heart that his eyes would be the only one to ever see her squirm like this. She let her hands run around to his back, pulling him closer as her lips found her way to his, making them collide. It always felt like a supernova between them when they were getting in to it like this, feeling like both of them could or already had exploded. “I promise you, that I will be screaming loud enough to make the staff at our honeymoon destination worried,” she whispered in a soft purr.

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“My apologies. It seems that my lust for you is making me anxious to feel you,” he purred as it was clearly not an apology he actually meant. Hearing her gasp just fuelled his instinct-driven mind, her nails clawing at him making him more eager. She pulled him down and he followed, pressing his lips to hers as his hands found their way under her shirt, tracing her curves while her soft skin made his hands feel almost electric. He felt that nice warm feeling spread from his chest and out into his body like had he just been given a heavy dose of the sweetest drug, which seemed to be her lips’ doing. He groaned at her whisper as his stomach stung with a pleasant feeling at the imaginary in his mind. “You speak with a filthy delight, my love,” he whispered as he brushed his lips gently against hers. “I like it,” he clarified with a broad smile as he ran his hands along her body, drawing in heavy breaths to calm his pounding heart.

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Buffy chuckled, but it came out more as a hasty breath, as she felt him press against her again. Her lips separated as he said he liked how she spoke, feeling her cheeks blush a bit. She wasn't usually one to speak like this, but she guessed it was rather fun. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said ... About having more children," she said in almost a shy voice. She didn't want to ruin the mood, but maybe now was as good as ever. She took a deep breath, running her fingers under his shirt, her fingertips running over his warm skin and sending signals to her brain about just ripping off his shirt already. However she needed to prolong this a bit. They had been good at just jumping in to it, and she felt like they both needed just a bit more of an innocent foreplay than anything. "And I get what you're saying; The world isn't a safe place and we're lucky to have Nessa," she said. The but was coming, however she wanted to pull off his shirt first, exposing the pale skin covered in dark marks. Just looking at him like this made her body tremble a bit, mostly because she felt so turned on by his looks alone. "But I also don't want to get rid of something, if prevention fails us," she said in a serious voice. They were protected, she had made sure of that, but there would always be a slim margin that it could fail. "So, if the unimaginable happens, I would want to keep it," she finished, looking in to his eyes with a rather serious gaze. It wasn't really a compromise, but she couldn't imagine taking an unborn child's life just because of it.

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He raised his eyebrow a little slight at the mention of her having given his words some thoughts. He wasnt really sure what to think or feel as he just imagined a new disagreement slowly rise. He closed his eyes as he felt her hand, exhaling deeply at the feeling that made him want to shudder in delight. He opened his eyes at her words as he looked at her while she spoke. It pained him a little to hear her speak like this, because he knew what she would want for their future, she had said so. He let her pull off his shirt, only to lean down onto the bed over her, pressing his elbow into the soft sheets above her head, his free hand gently tracing the side of her face, down to her throat where it rested.
He frowned a little at her words but he wasnt angry. He looked up at her, to nod before he looked away for a bit. He just felt so conflicted about his own decision, but for the time being, he was fully set on not wanting more of his own. “I agree, my love. But it’s not exactly a moodsetter,” he said in a low tone as he seemed to back away to then sit at the edge of the bed. He sighed deeply as he looked towards the window in silence for a bit. He couldnt seem to get the words in his mind to come out of his mouth and it only sparked worry in him. He sighed.

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Buffy felt his hand trace her face as she spoke, but as he backed away she felt a knot in her chest. Why did she always have to ruin things when they were good? She sat up, wrapping her arms over and around his shoulders from the back, kissing his neck up and down. "I'm sorry love, I just needed to say something," she almost pleaded. She didn't know what to do, she just wanted him not to feel this frustrated. "I just don't feel like I can handle the possibility of never," she said in a sad voice, feeling her eyes water. She didn't want to fight, she wanted them to figure their disagreements out and make a compromise. That was what she suggested. It was the slimmest chance in the history of things, but it would be something she could live with. "Speak to me, tell me what you are thinking," she whispered, hiding her face in his thick locks of hair.

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As she wrapped herself around him from behind, he lifted a hand to gently hold around her arm, even if he seemed to need some distance, what he really wanted was just to keep her close. He felt bad when he heard how sad her voice was, feeling like he was a villain in all of this with his unjust decision. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he clenched his jaw for a bit. He looked up to the ceiling, knowing she could read him like an open book and she did. Her whisper made him hold his breath for a second as he turned to look at her. He kept his hand around her arm, just to feel her comfort. “I cant just change my mind or compromise with a flick of my fingers. I need some time to think about it,” he said in a low tone, knowing Nessa would probably come running if she got even the slightest notion that something was up.
“I know that you want children. And the notion of them being someone else’s makes you hurt. So let me say this: I can change my mind eventually, but for now, I’m too scared to even entertain the idea,” he said, feeling his voice get a little gravelly. He turned his body around to face her completely. “You’re the only person I want to belong to. I couldnt deny you anything that you’d truly want, because I really just want to see you happy,” he said rather seriously as he touched her face before leaning in to kiss her gently. He felt his eyes water underneath his lids, placing his arm around her as he laid down with her, kissing her again with such vulnerability to his tender kisses.

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She really wasn’t trying to hurt him, she just felt this lingering disagreement between them and it felt like a nagging. Seeing Ivory tonight only fuelled her insecurities, and the way that his brothers seemed to act all together made her wonder how their life would’ve been without her. If Baal could’ve had a happy reunion with Ivory and Buffy never had been in the picture. Of course it was silly. She felt her heart sink deeper as he said he needed to think about even a compromise this minuscule. Once again she felt like crying, because she just wanted his happiness to coincide with her own. Her lips separated to speak, but he leaned in, kissing her and she felt her heart burst. Laying back down with him, she pulled him closer, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. She felt as if she was falling, hoping he would catch her, but she could do nothing but put her trust in to him. She returned the second kiss, tears escaping her eyes as their lips collided in this tender yet vulnerable dance. After a while she pulled away, looking at him with sad eyes, but she couldn’t hide them. “All I’m asking for is less than a one percent chance, nothing more, nothing less,” she whispered. She knew the contraceptive in her arm was as close to a hundred percent safe, so was less than one percent really not something he could accept? “I understand that you worry, but give me those less than one percent, please,” she begged. She was begging now, great, seeming like an unstable woman who couldn’t live without the thought of having more kids. It wasn’t the case, she just really wanted a family, and having Nessa had fuelled something in her. She leaned in to him again, kissing his lips gently before pushing herself away from her in a calm movement. “I’ll see if our daughter is asleep,” she said, moving to her feet. No matter what he chose, she would just have to accept it. The knot in her chest hadn’t gone away as she moved out to the hallway.

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He knew he was hurting her and that’s what made this whole situation worse. When she pulled away from the second kiss, he closed his eyes at her begging. He hadnt wanted it to go this way, but he also had to accept that he couldnt grasp and form every situation to follow hos will. He tensed his a little as he made a small nod, looking at her, “Alright, I promise,” he said, feeling some kind of feeling that definitely was pushing away the mood for intimacy. He returned her kiss as she kissed him, but he wasnt really sure what to do with himself. When she pushed away, he couldnt even really bring himself to pull her back, instead he just tried to swallow the knot in his throat and make a little nod that barely was a motion with his distracted mind.
He let himself fall to the bed as she left. He felt like he needed to yell at himself, stop the madness that were his unbreakable will when it came to his decision-making. He rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling with his eyes itching from the wetness he felt in them. Had the argument been anything else than kids, he would have just quickly deflated the situation and spent more time making her feel love. But it was like the thought of that leading to some sort of reproductive intimacy was just putting him off. He sighed in annoyance at himself when he realized - Would this dumb decision of his lead to him keeping his hands away from her again? It pained his heart to even think about. He dried his eyes with the back of his hand.

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Buffy carefully opened the door in to her daughter’s room, seeing her sit on the bed with a book she was reading. “Hi,” Buffy said in a gentle voice, making Nessa look up and smile at her mother. “What are you reading?” she asked, Nessa chuckled as she showed the book cover. It was one of the fairy tale books she had gotten from Buffy’s father a while back. Strange how Buffy’s father seemed more interested in Nessa than his own daughter, but she guessed it was how it would be from now on. Buffy moves over, sitting down on the bed with her daughter, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer as she looked at the pages. Nessa started reading out loud, making Buffy Rest her head in her daughter’s pale locks of hair. It was calming, sitting here with the daughter she had. The girl that looked so much older than she was, but if that was all she was going to get she would treasure it. Nessa’s speech started to slur as she got more tired, Buffy taking the book and continued reading. It didn’t take long before Nessa drifted off. Buffy placed a piece of paper at where they reached in the book, closing it before she leaned down to kiss her forehead. Slowly and carefully she moved out of the bed, looking at her child for a moment before exhaling. As she moved out to the hallway, she was sure to close the door gently. Then she decided that now was a great time as ever to return to the bedroom. Was he going to be angry? Sad? Or just frustrated like she felt herself?

Coming in to the bedroom she looked at Baal, walking to his side of the bed to sit down, if he was still laying there. She placed a hand on his thigh, touching him in comforting strokes to calm him. “Belial I love you, and I know I don’t make it easy for you,” she said calmly. She had thought about everything for the last couple of days, and sitting with Nessa she felt a little more clear in her head. “But I don’t want this to turn into us not being close again,” she said taking a deep breath. She looked down at her free hand, feeling like it was hard for her to speak. Feeling the knot in her chest nagging at her. “I want to be with you, only you, and if that means no more children then so be it - but you can’t expect me to forget about such a dream in one night,” she whispered, feeling herself tear up again. It was stupid, she was crying about something she couldn’t change. She would have to learn to accept it. “And if you don’t want to give even less then a percent, I’ll have to swallow my pride and accept that not everything can go as I want them to,” she said, looking at him as she hoped she was making sense at this point.

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He was just staring at the ceiling, trying to keep his mind’s endless stream of probably what was more worries than thoughts. He swallowed hard, turning his head to look at their nightstand. It was weird to see family pictures as they didnt have any of Nessa in infancy. It was a strange thought, only having these pictures of a teenager daughter up. He reached out to touch the outline of his daughter’s hair on the picture. Maybe he really just was being unfair, but he wasnt lying when he said it scared him to even entertain the idea of having more children - Hence why he felt his own reluctance to intimacy linger at a dangerous place at this point. He took his hand off the photo as he made a deep sigh. Why couldnt they just have more children where he didnt have to give out of his messed up genes? But he could also imagine how easily Eaden would use it to hate him even more - “So you just wanted to exclude Dinah and I,” he could already hear him say.

He was still laying on the bed as Buffy returned, just staring at the ceiling in his own mind. He felt this dark cloud over his head, raining it’s negative emotions all over him. Buffy’s calming hand was soothing, like an umbrella to shield him from the rain, but an umbrella wasnt worth much to someone lying down, so he still felt some of the rain - Figuratively speaking. He looked at her as she spoke, sitting up to hear what she had to say. He looked away as she spoke, knowing she was speaking from her heart as she always was. He looked at the floorboards at their feet, his jaw clenching a little from time to time. He didnt want it to pull them apart either, but it felt like her need to resolve it was causing them both to make decisions and compromises that they didnt want. “You wouldnt want to get rid of a child, if it happened to be that you got pregnant. I know you, Boadicea,” he said with a serious voice as he looked at her, lifting his hand to carefully touch her cheek, trying not to seem reluctant. “I dont think either of us are gonna make any decision tonight that we wouldnt end up regretting, and I dont want that to be among the building blocks that’ll hold our marriage,” he said as he ran his thumb over her cheekbone. “I lifted you in here with the intention of making you see stars while I’d make you sing. Not fill your eyes with tears and your heart with dread,” he said, shaking his head at himself as he then grabbed at her gently to pull her closer. “Can we leave this problem to a time where we’re both ready to make a compromise, and just return to soft kisses and innocent intimacy?” He asked in a bit of a pleading tone, though he seemed rather calm.

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Of course they couldn’t reach a compromise, but as he said, she wouldn’t get rid of a child if she happened to become pregnant. That was all she wanted him to accept. His words made her look down to her hand, sighing as he was right. She felt like she had once again taken something nice and ruined it with her not being able to be quiet about her thoughts. Buffy had always spoken her mind, and his suggestion made her lean closer to him, placing a soft kiss against his lips. Then the pent up emotion from before seemed to return, and she could feel her body automatically press itself closer to him. She didn’t know what came over her as she kissed him, crawling up on him. Her hips made a small jolt as she felt a little taken a back by the feelings. “I didn’t have something innocent in mind,” she mumbled against his lip, kissing him again as her hands rested against his chest. Her kiss felt needy, like her world would fall apart without him, and in her mind she knew it to be true. She needed him close to feel alive, to feel like everything they went through was worth it. “I want to show you the love I feel for you, make you understand that the only thing you could ever hurt me with was to withhold your god-like touches,” she whispered. Despite Nessa sleeping, they would need to keep it down, but she was afraid he was actually going to make her sing so high tones that their daughter would awake.

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He knew that their argument was far from over, but he didnt really mind that. In a way he liked that she pushed for what she wanted from him, that she wasnt afraid to speak her mind. He managed to make a small yet genuine smile as she leaned closer, greeting her lips as he placed a hand gently around her body. He felt her press closer and he let her crawl onto him as he moved his arms around her to feel her close. It was like everything that had loomed and darkened his mind was pushed aside as a more pressing matter seemed to occupy his mind - Her and his need to feel her close to him.
He chuckled softly at her mumble against his lips, moving a hand down her back to cup her butt in a firm grasp, “I was hoping you werent,” he whispered back to return to their longing kisses. His body was craving her, he couldnt really hide it as he moved a little impatiently around, wanting her hands on him to just rip him free from these constraining clothes.
He sighed in a tremble at her whisper, feeling it tickle from his neck and down through his body, making muscles tense like a wave of electricity moved through him. “It would pain me so to not touch you like my mind is always begging me to,” he mumbled in a slight hoarse tone as he already felt quite affected by her whisper alone. Now his mind that had started to think that reluctance had been a good idea, was flooding with ways that he wanted to touch her. He looked up at her, pressing her closer, so close that their noses were barely touching, “Right now, my mind’s playing out this moving image in my head, that I’m going to ravage your clothes and leave not a single spot of your skin untouched by my lips,” he admitted in a tone with a needy strain to it. The hand on her butt was fiddling with the edge of her pants like he was contemplating to follow his mind’s command.

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Hearing his voice already hoarse made her core spin, the warmth spreading from her stomach to the rest of her body, including her cheeks. Being pressed closer she smiled as they were nose tip to nose tip, moving her head a bit to nuzzle his nose gently with her own. "I want that," she said in a needy tone, biting her lower lip as she felt a little constricted. She could feel his hands play around with the fabric of her trousers, making her hips move carefully. "But if you break it, you'll have to make it up to me," she whispered, placing her lips against his again. Of course he would do everything she said, but if he tore off her clothes, he would have to replace them; or at least make her forget with his touches. She moved her arms up, placing an elbow on each side of his head to get a bit more wiggle room as they were this close. A faint moan escaped her lips as her hips moved gently once more, feeling something hard press against her clothes. It was hard focussing on keeping it down when he could make her yell and scream just by touching her. "Any more of this teasing I think I might lose it," she chuckled against his lips, kissing him once more as she felt herself ready for whatever he decided to do.

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//Out <33//

» This isnt what it looks like - Boadicea
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