The one who builds my paradise

Location | The farmers marked in Aston city center
Date | 7th of June 2022
Weather | Nice and sunny
Attire | Grey t-shirt with a pair of dark blue trousers.
Topic for | @Zoe
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He had made it to the farmers marked this holy Tuesday, bright and early to get some of the best things first. Even if he did live in the smaller town Northwich on the country side, and it did take him almost an hour on the free way, he had made it here. Now he looked around the marked to see if there was anything his heart desired. Athena was such an interesting region really, and he did as a matter of fact enjoy spending his time here. Now, he had lived here for a good ten years by now, so he knew the different roads and offers rather well in the areas.

However, today it was different as he walked down the long lanes of fruits and vegetables, people smiling at him like they usually did, some of them he knew from out of town. But one thing was different, yet he had not discovered what it was. It was in the air, so familiar, drawing him in closer, dangerously, yet it felt like such a comfortable feeling he couldn't resist searching for that sweet scent in the air that reminded him of one of the people in his life he had called home.

Sergei turned a corner ahead, down where he saw a woman looking at some vegetables. He pressed his brows a bit together in disbelief over who it was, no, he didn't believe it. Out of all places how would she had found her way here? To the supernatural capital. Sergei could feel how his heart started to beat a bit faster, almost losing his ability to breath, or at least it felt like that. His stomach twirling around not sure how he was supposed to feel. Yet, despite his brain telling him to stop and turn around, his heart forced his feet to move closer towards his former wife. He had died. Or he had needed to fake his own death for the sake of his family, how did you ever explain that? And since he had no clue in her part of the supernatural, Sergei tried to figure out how you explained the supernatural to someone who wasn't a part of it. "Zoe -" Her name was the only thing he was able to really say, having her eyes suddenly look at him took his breath away.  

She missed her ranch, so much was clear; she didn’t dislike Ethan’s house nor the fact that she had puzzles to keep her company, but when he had his long days at work and then she just, well, she wanted to do something that reminded her of the life she had left behind, especially in the early mornings were she woke up far earlier than Ethan did, not that she didn’t understand. Both found out that you weren’t an evolved human that you had once thought, but actually the embodiment of Yin, which was a lot to take in. She understood that. Maybe it was herself feeling a little out of it herself; after that night out with Dion, she clearly had many things to go through as well. Thoughts to sort through. But right now, she just wanted to forget for a moment.

“And these a freshly picked?” she asked, letting her nose find the smooth surface of the apple in her hand and taking in the sweet scent of the freshly plucked fruit. The vendor nodded, and she smiled as her eyes ran over the different sorts of fruits he offered as well, how she suddenly missed the orchard in California.
As the voice spoke her name, she didn’t even think it might be a voice she knew. So she just turned around with a smile, about to say yes, when her eyes fell upon a man she had never thought she would see again. The apple in her hand fell to the ground as she just stood there and looked at him. “Sergei?” she whispered, already feeling the tears run down her cheeks. She didn’t understand; how was this even possible?

It completely took his breath away looking into those wonderful dark brown eyes of hers. Reminding him of what he had needed to leave behind, but she looked just as beautiful as the last time he had seen her. Still remembering just how she had looked that evening on the balcony with the colors from the sunset framing her silhouette, how she had laughed when he had mentioned just how incredible beautiful she had looked right in that moment. Who would have known it had been the last moment like that? It turned out it wasn't. Because here he was looking at her, in the morning sun, making him chuckle a little bit while feeling how his eyes teared up. Sergei exhaled, walking closer to her, "Ты такая красивая," (You’re so beautiful) he whispered knowing he far from needed to use his Russian tongue, but greeting her it almost felt like he had to. Sergei lifted his hand up, letting the back of it trace over her cheek removing the tears. He wondered how she had stayed this young, it didn't look like time had passed at all, but right now, he just wanted to take her in. "I can't believe you are here," the hand turned and he cupped the left side of her face, letting his thumb trace over the cheekbone.  

It was really him, she couldn’t help it and choked sob left her as he spoke to her in the language they had spoken while married. As soon as that thought had run its course, she then realised that they were still married; no matter if she thought he had died or not, he hadn’t, which meant she was standing right there, looking into the eyes of her husband. What a mess this was; she had tried to move on, not that it had ever succeeded, not really, even if she was so ever happy with Ethan. Ethan. How was she going to explain this? The man that had already been through so much. She already knew how he was going to act, just like he had acted when he knew Madelaine needed to go, not that she knew in great detail, but she could already see the scene unfold. How he would try to understand, be the bigger person; her hoping he would just be mad, so it was easier to leave. Leave. Was her mind already there? That she was ready to run away, now that she had found the love of her life again? Yes.
“I can’t believe you are here”, she whispered back, stepping forward so her forehead could lean against his as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling. “I think we have much to talk about, don't we?” her voice was aching because it hurt, both in the most wonderful and in the worst possible way.

No, it was indeed a long story of him being here, and not here like standing in the grounds of Athena, but simply being alive. He felt the touch of her forehead resting against his, making him close his eyes, taking in every single second of the sensation and emotion overfloating within him. such a warm feeling that spread out his chest. Sergei hummed in agreement, "Indeed we do," he whispered back to her. Then moving his head slowly away from hers. "Come on, I know a place, you will love it," he knew it was a bit far perhaps - but he wanted to show her. So, Sergei took her hand giving it a small squeeze before starting to move out of the marked to his pickup truck, "still trust me right?" He then asked her not letting go of her hand yet, not till he opened the door to the passenger seat. If they were going to talk, they needed to do so in a space where they both felt comfortable, and what better place than his farm? Sergei then moved to the other side of the car and got in, "remember how we always talked about, if we were going to move out of the city, we would buy a farm and just retire there when we got old? I bought a farm," he chuckled a little bit then closing the door. Once she was inside he would start driving out of Aston and towards Northwich.

Should she question where they were going? Maybe. But she didn’t. One could ask her why, but the answer would be simple; because she trusted him and didn’t see why she should question where they were going or where he was taking her. Just as that thought had run through her mind, he asked her, and a small smile appeared on her lips; “of course I do”, she whispered; why shouldn’t she. Then she got in the car as he opened the passenger door, her eyes following him as he walked around and placed himself behind the wheel.
The next thing he said, well, it almost took her breath away because that was precisely what she had done; moved out and found a farm she could make her own. Amidst the tears, she chuckled and dried them off. “I did as well; I had a ranch in California,” she told him, turning and giving him a soft smile. “Can’t believe we did the same thing”, she had to tell him with a smaller laugh before looking out the window as they started driving. There were still so many questions moving around in her head, but she couldn’t decide which one she wanted to begin with.

He looked shortly over towards her, the windows just a little bit down so the wind rushed into play with her hair, making him chuckle a little bit. It was one odd dangerous moment where it felt like no time had past them, that it was just Yesterday they had seen each other last. "You did?" He chuckled a little with a smile on his lips, then wondered, what had happened in Russia? What had made her move away? He had kept small tabs on their daughters, knowing Daniela was still in Russia, whereas Anna lived in Atheria with her husband - which meant his grandchildren also lived close by. And Sergei had done enough really to keep himself out of Aston for that reason, not that he expected Cecilia or Tyler to recognize him, they had been so young the last time they had seen him. "I guess it was a way of keeping each other alive when apart," he theorized with a lower voice, not that he had thought Zoe would be dead by now - older for sure. Which made him catch up on his own theories on why she was so young? He could hear her heart beating, so she wasn't dead like a vampire -many thoughts rushed in his mind, but looking out on the road, he knew they would come out to play once they sat down and talked.

Driving over one of the bridges, crossing the boarder to Northwich, it was only a few fifteen minutes more before they could see the big farm ahead, with the big sign: Little Feet Farm. "I couldn't resist," he laughed a little bit as they drove further into the land he owned. Watching the mythological horses running on the fields along with the average known best by humans. Driving all the way up towards his house he parked the truck and walked out. "This is me," he gestured out. "I can get a cup of coffee for us, and we can sit outside - have you eaten yet, I got some fresh bread if you want I can cook up a quick breakfast?"

A soft hum left her as he mentioned that it might have something to do with the fact that they had tried to keep each other alive, or well, she wouldn’t be old enough to die yet, even if she had faked her own death, much like what Sergei had done, or so she would think since he was sitting here beside her. Once again, she thought about how she was going to explain this to Ethan; how did she even begin? Her fingers ran over her lips as she followed the lines of the landscape. It wasn’t like wolves mated the same way as witches, but she had always known that Sergei was hers, especially with how much her wolf wanted him; she ached for him.

The minutes disappeared, and before she knew it, they had reached their destination; looking at the sign telling her what the farm was called, she started laughing, turning her head toward him, filling how her lips were splitting into one of her greater smiles, one she hadn’t shown as often as she would have liked. “I like it; it’s very you”, she hummed, and her laughter slowly died into a chuckle. She got out and saw the different animals running around, it felt like coming home, and it was such a dangerous feeling to feel. “Both sounds amazing,” she said, not taking her eyes off the animals running around; she moved her fingers under her eye, trying to keep the tears from falling. Then she finally snapped out of it and followed him “anything I can help with?” she asked, taking in the surroundings as she walked with him to the kitchen.

He couldn't contain how bright his smile grew as she followed him inside to the kitchen, knowing very well he shouldn't expect too much - yet, how it amazed him how easily it was to just find his way into a rhythm that reminded him of back when they had been one unit. "You can make the eggs, if you want - unless you want to have a look around?" Sergei turned his head towards her, giving her a bright smile, before then turning to get the different things out from the fridge that he wanted to use for the breakfast table. Around in the combined dinning room and living room there was a whole lot of pictures. Framed, old ones - to be fair it was the only ones he had from back then, the only ones he owned, many of them had been lost in the accident the fire had caused when he had died - lost, but he knew he couldn't go on if he never was to see their faces again at least in one way. Just like he carried his wedding ring in a necklace that mostly was covered by the t-shirt he was wearing. Lost in the past some would say, but no he was far from lost. He just knew within himself, that he would never be able to love anyone the way he loved Zoe, so why put anyone through that pain of trying to fill her shoes when it was impossible?

She thought about the offer for a moment; of course, she wanted to look around, but there would be time to do that afterwards; no, what she longed for was preparing breakfast with her newly found husband. “I’ll help with making eggs,” she said with a smile as she stepped into the kitchen, letting him guide her to where the things were and started making scrambled eggs. She didn’t ask at first, but as time went on, the question was starting to burn on her tongue, “what happened?” she whispered as she looked at the eggs sizzling away on the pan where she was making sure they wouldn’t get soggy nor burnt, not that it took much time before she would be able to put it on the plates, at least she had made more than enough. However, with her appetite, she could almost make enough for an army, and still, she would be able to eat all of it in one sitting.

What happened? He knew just what she meant, and he knew he couldn't avoid the question for much longer, as he started to slice the bread and put it in the toaster. Sergei tasted the words before letting them leave his mouth, where did he even start? "I heard some rumors about some people I've been running from when I was younger being in town, and I couldn't risk them getting close to you - or our family," he moved his head towards Zoe again, and took a sharper breath. Well, Sergei had told parts of his past. Like how he had been an Orphan, who had run away from the people who had taken him in. But not why he had ran away or how scared he had been figuring out all alone at a young age just what he was - he still didn't have many words for that. "I'm not entirely human, if you can call it that. But since you are here, I believe you have more knowledge about the supernatural world than I first thought too," he took a sharper breath in. Now the cards were open, and full truths spoken. "I don't know what I am to be fair, not completely at least, I didn't dare stay around long enough to find out. So, that's my great secret."

She listened as she scoped the scrambled eggs onto the two plates placed on the counter. She would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt, but she understood she did; how could she not? She had done so many times before, leaving for the greater good; she had done so as well, leaving their children and grandchildren because she wanted to protect them.
Her tongue ran over her lips as she turned and looked at him; he was right; she did know much more than he might think. “I’ve protected you and the children too,” she whispered, looking down at her feet as her hands closed around the edge of the kitchen counter. “by lying about who I am”, she whispered as her fingers drummed against the tree, and then she pushed away crossing her arms, it felt incredibly difficult to open up about this, because she had lied, and not just a little, a whole lot, “my name is Zoreena Radclyffee, I’m the daughter of Malcome Radclyffee, the third child of Verdammt and Andromeda Venceslaus, Verdammt being the first turned werewolf” she chuckled “so yeah, I know a whole lot, I’m a little over two thousand years old, and my family is cursed, we, well we die and come back, and will never age after a certain age” she added, knowing it was a lot to take in, maybe more so than faking your own death and then hiding away here. “Irina and Natasha are both turned werewolves and know I’m alive and who I am, Cecilia as well, but not our daughters” she let her hand brush away her hair and closed her eyes; what a mess this was.

Sergei had had his time to regret his choice, to think about how things could have been different if he had just come clean. And he thought he had run over every possible outcome, till he heard her story. It was a lot. Even so his facial expression did out him a lot as one who found it as almost impossible, yet he took a moment to swallow it all. Now the whole what if scenario played on what if he had told her back then, and all this had been in the air. They could have made it here all together. Things could have looked a whole lot different. Before he got to reply to it, she then mentioned Irina and Natasha being turned into werewolves, he wondered how and by who. He held his breath shortly. Cecilia too? "That is a whole lot," he confessed with a small chuckle leaning against the kitchen counter with his left hip, crossing his arms a bit. "Don't be too hard on yourself, you did what you thought was the best for all of us, who would have known we would be standing here today, hm?" He gave her a warmer smile before walking over to her, placing his hands to cup her face, letting his fingers brush through her hair just as she had done seconds ago. Now, he knew there was a chance of her moving on, have found someone else, but it didn't change the love he had for her, still felt for her.

She chuckled, whipping away a treacherous tear that had glided down her cheek. “You know I’ll always end up blaming myself, one way or another,” she said, not letting her eyes meet his, not that it took away that she knew he had pushed himself away from the counter; she could count the steps towards her, then his hands found her cheek, this time tears fell without her having any control. Her eyes closed, and a chocked sob left her.
“There is another”, she whispered, feeling how it physically hurt her when those words left her; her eyes opened, and she looked into his. “Oh god, Sergei, I never thought”, she pulled back her lip with her teeth “, I never thought you’d come back, and even then, I waited for so long”, she explained; she had only just gotten together with Ethan, the first man after Sergei because she had never let anyone close, even though there had been others; but they didn’t come close, only Ethan, he had gotten so close, and now she was standing here in front of the greatest love of her life. How was she supposed to choose when the choice was so easy, and yet she couldn’t get herself to take it, not before she had at least talked with Ethan.

It would be a lie if he said it didn't hurt that there was someone else in her life, and yet he believed any man would be foolish not to see how amazing Zoe was. He let his left hand rest against her cheek, and exhaled slowly. "I know, I know - I don't blame you," the hand traced down and slowly touch her chin before letting go. This was so unlike what anyone expected to happen to them, that they would find each other again, leaving faith punishing him for his action by her having another. "Are you happy?" Sergei than asked, because that was the most important thing to him, all he could ever really want for her was for her to be happy. Even if it would ache to know she was and would be happy with someone that wasn't him, it didn't mean that she didn't deserve all the love in this world. Sergei respectfully took a step back, just a small one. Just because she was seeing someone else, it also didn't mean they couldn't talk - after all, he had missed talking to his best friend.

She looked away, letting her eyes look up into the ceiling, blinking away the tears, then he asked if she was happy, and she choked back a sob. “Had you been a stranger asking me yesterday, I would have said I was”, she whispered, then looking back down at her feet, she had no idea if she was happy if she had ever been truly happy after he had died, and she had faked her own death and gone to California. She had followed Ethan when he had gone back, become part of his life, and tried to become happy again, but maybe she wasn’t; perhaps she was just lying to herself.
“I don’t think I am”, she whispered, letting out a shaky breath as she looked back into his eyes. She wished she could say she was, that she was happy with Ethan, and everything was going swimmingly, but that would be a lie, now wouldn’t it? It really would.
Her fingers glided over the corner of her eyes, trying to dry away the tears that didn’t seem like they would stop any time soon.

It stung in his heart, when she confessed she didn't think she was happy. Had he himself been truly happy since he had left? No, not really. Sergei had lived in the dream world looking at the pictures he had, living as if perhaps one day in his dreams he would be able to get back what he had lost. Till this day he had just never realized it could be possible to make the dream come true. "Okay, listen to me, how about we do this. We eat this amazing breakfast outside, sit and talk for a moment, and after that I will drive you back to Aston - and you can sleep on it. It's rather overwhelming for the both of us, and I will let you settle with the thought on what you want to do - and if you ever make up your mind and it ends here, the door is always open for you," he confessed with a soothing lower voice, keeping his eyes on hers. Sergei wanted nothing more than to grab around her, pull her closer, taste her lips again - but he respected her personal space and life she had created away from him too much to act out on it. It would be better if she got a chance to let the thoughts set and talk with her boyfriend about it before rushing into something.

It had been nice just sitting and talking, catching up on what life had brought them. It went on forever, and it was suddenly close to afternoon when he had parked the car out front the house she lived in now. "Talk to you soon I hope," he mused a little before watching her go, then he started the car again and drove off back home.

Ethan on the other hand had just gotten home earlier, wondering where Zoe was, she hadn't texted him on being away. He exhaled a little bit when he saw her getting out of a car out front, Puzzle clearly picking up on Zoe's scent rather fast. So he opened the door letting Puzzle out to greet Zoe, before following. "Hey, had a good day?" He wondered where she had been, but her face told a story he wasn't sure he was ready to hear. Yet he knew he needed to.

Zoe exhaled as she looked at the car driving away, knowing that she would in fact, talk with her soon. But not before she had spoken with Ethan, a talk that felt like an uphill battle where she wasn’t sure how she would cross the finish line when it was over. If anything, she knew Ethan deserved better than this; he had already gone through so much. And if that wasn’t enough, he had been there for her when Angel had been kidnapped, and she had lost her temper, not only the one time with Angel but also when she had found out that some werewolf had turned Cecilia. She just wished she could have been the person he deserved, and in the back of her mind, a silent dream of her being able to be with two people started to form. A dream that only lasted seconds before she became ashamed of herself; she could never do that, not to herself and especially not to either Ethan or Sergei.

She didn’t get far down the small path from the road to the house before Puzzle came bouncing towards her, happily unaware of the storm of emotions happening in the werewolf. Or at least not at first, but Puzzle was an intelligent dog and quickly picked up on the fact that something was wrong, much like Ethan when he asked if she had a good day. She gave him a small smile, so filled with sadness that it weighed down on her chest, almost crushing her heart in the process.
“Yeah, it was all right” she decided not to jump directly into what was wrong, even if she knew that he suspected something was. “You’re home early,” she said instead with a smile forming over her lips, hoping it was more convincing than the last one; “could we get a cup of coffee?” she asked while stroking Puzzle over his head, right between his ears, the spot he loved.

Ethan exhaled a little bit, he could feel it like a cold shiver down his spine that she was a overflown with emotions. It wasn't that he suspected something being wrong, he knew it. Ethan wouldn't be very good at his job if he wasn't good at facial expressions, and then there was the fact that his powers embodied all the darker emotions and thoughts rather well. Like a second skin. "Yeah, just a little bit," he took a sharper breath in. The shinning sun and the brightness of summer did make him feel uncomfortable, sadly. He hated that it did, and then so many hours in the day. "Of course," he replied and went inside to the kitchen to pour up two cups of coffee, then sitting down once the cups were placed on the coffee table.

It was easy to know that he understood what was going on behind that forehead of hers. She wished she wasn’t that easy to read, but with the things that had transpired earlier, she couldn’t help it, nor had she ever been good at hiding what she was feeling, being an open book of emotions as her father had always told her. Such an expressive child you are her father had always told her that, where she would giggle and run away with flowers sticking out of her hair. Never a dull moment when you were around her, and yet she sometimes wished she could settle more, be more in peace with whom she was and what she stood for. But there had only been one time where she had found that peace she hoped for, and it had just driven away in the car a moment ago.
Walking with Ethan inside the house, she noticed the small things. A picture of them by her farm in California, and she had to breathe in, feeling the sharpness press against her tongue from the pressure.
Shaking her head, almost in an attempt to shake off the bad feelings creeping over her shoulder, breathing down her neck, making the hairs rise because of the uncomfortable feeling spreading in her heart, she walked into the kitchen to sit down where he had placed the coffee cups.
Both her hands folded around it, feeling the warmth press against her skin; blinking a few times, she tried to gather her thoughts, “I’m not sure how much I’ve talked about my time in Russia”, she started before looking up; “how my husband died rather suddenly, and I then a few years later decided that it was time for me to make sure I ‘died’ as well?” she felt her chest expand to make room for the air she drew in. “It turns out that Sergei had the same thought as me, having to fake his death to make sure we weren’t hunted by the same thing that hunted him” she looked back down at her coffee. “I met him today by the farmer's market”, she whispered; even if nothing had happened, she felt so incredibly guilty, and it was slowly tearing her heart to pieces.

It was like the cold had moved in, caressing his skin and crawled under it. He didn't know what she had on her heart, what burdened her, but he knew there was something they needed to get out in the room. Yet, he didn't wish to push her, she had pushed more than enough lately given events. Ethan licked his lips a little when she mentioned her time in Russia, no, he didn't know much. He knew smaller parts of Irina's life based on what she had spoken about or he had heard, but Zoe hadn't said much, so he hadn't asked further. It wasn't everything about his past he had shared as well, even though he had a less years to take from than her, he knew that. But he never really went around and talked about what had happened with Jessica when she had turned into a vampire. Ethan however could imagine losing someone you loved. He had been sure Jessica died. But faking your death, it was a whole other level and he hoped he never had to do such thing, not sure he was capable of it. Then he blinked a little bit, time froze for a second as he tried to remind himself that he needed to breathe. Ethan cleared his throat feeling like something had gotten stuck there, he didn't even touch his coffee. Her husband had faked his death and she had just met him today - at the farms marked. "Oh," he cleared his throat again sitting a bit more upright, not really knowing what it meant and yet, he had been surrounded by so many people who had found their true loves again. Madelaine had found her mate. People found their ways back to the lives they were meant to be in. Maybe he was just overthinking, maybe it was nothing? But how come did she otherwise have that sparkle of guilt in her eyes. "So - you guys talked?" He wondered, even if he felt like he had all the answers.

It clenched so painfully around her heart, squeezing so tight that it felt like no air could escape from her lungs, slowly drowning her in this feeling she had no idea what to do with. She wished she had no feelings for Sergei, but that would be a lie, and maybe she could fake it for a few months, years even. But then what? Would she continue until she was treading in such deep waters that she could no longer reach the bottom, drowning in her misery that she hid away behind locked doors because she didn’t want to hurt him? Then one day, she wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, it would be far away from this future, but she could see it so clearly as if she was staring it right in its face as her eyes locked with his.
No matter how much she wanted to, no matter how much she loved Ethan and wanted to be with him. He would never amount to what she had with Sergei, and she hated that she had pulled him into a relationship, licked his wounds and cared for him when he needed it; when she had needed it. Even if he might hate her, even when she knew he would never have it in his heart to do so, not really. Then it was better to end it here if she could even have these thoughts if she weren’t even sure what she wanted; then, she didn’t deserve him.
“Yes, we talked”, she whispered, finally letting her eyes fall from the lines of his face, seeing how the pain was forming around his eyes, the slight tug of his lips as he tried not to let the feelings show on his face. She was so tempted to reach out her hand and push his hair behind his ear, but she was stopped by the gnawing feeling that she wasn’t allowed to do so anymore.
“I’m so sorry” she hated how her voice almost sounded like a whimper, like a wounded dog that didn’t know what it had done wrong. But that was a lie, she understood the consequences of her actions, but that didn’t take away the pain that followed along with it.
“It’s not like I’m going to run back to the guy, and it isn’t that I don’t love you” the words hung so heavily in the air, and she regretted them as soon as they had left her lips. Sometimes the truth wasn’t the best way to go around this, but she had no idea what else to do or say; this wasn’t really something she was used to.
“It’s the fact that I do love you, and there shouldn’t be any doubts, but after I saw him – I’m doubting everything, and I need to be alone for a while to figure out how I’m feeling about all of this, and it’s a journey, even though it's selfish, but it’s a journey I need to do alone” she looked up, hoping it could stop the sting of the tears wanting to escape her eyes. She tried to breathe, but it only spread to her nose, this feeling of hurt physically attacking her body in ways she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

It all came down to the seconds before the words left her lips in the presence of a whisper. Feeling like how his heart tilted towards the edge of the cliff about to fall risking to be shattered once again. He didn't know if he should feel foolish or not, having believed they would be fine. That they could survive everything, he had believed in it, now everything felt like shattering in the air impossible for him to grab and put back together. Ethan exhaled a little, hoping it would keep him collected but he already knew where this was headed and it pained him. The next set of words could have made him snort, it didn't, but he had heard them before in different settings. Ethan dragged a longer and deeper breath in and look his eyes from hers for a second, when mentioning she was now doubting everything. "I guess that is what you need to do then," he exhaled a bit heavier than he liked redirecting his eyes back to her, feeling the tears try to make way to his eyes, because it hurt, and he hated that it hurt. Because he had been so happy after they had met, the happiest he had been in a long time and letting that go - hopefully one day he would be able to look back and know they had needed each other for that time, no matter how short it had been. "But I also know no matter how hard I try I cannot change your mind even though I wish to," he confessed in a lower voice still looking at her. It seemed so clear she had made up her mind.