I'd Rather Die

Why couldn’t he just die? That would be so less painful than laying here screaming and panting in pain. He had lost track of time. God, to Henry, time only mattered if he got out of this awful pain. He had experienced it before but somehow it was much worse this time. He was certain that the amount of time he had been waiting for the pain to release him was much longer than normal. Or the amount of sweat and tears on his face made him believe that it was much longer.
Henry had been on his way to grab his jacket, since the weather had been way too cold to simply waltz to Primrose home in just a t-shirt and hoodie. But then the pain had hit him, and he had fallen onto the floor, with his hands clinging onto his chest, right where the pain was. By his heart. He was certain that most of the clothing he was wearing was soaked and that he had puked once or twice. He couldn’t really tell from all the pain. His vision was blurred, and he had rolled himself into a ball. Crying, sobbing and eventually screaming in pain.

She had waited. But something was wrong, and when something felt the even slightest bit of wrong, she couldn't help but react. So, it hadn't even been before after ten minutes she had called him. No answer, which was fair, maybe he was driving and just didn't want to answer his phone while in the car? Primrose sat down on the sofa in her smaller living room, tabbing her fingers on her legs, feeling how restless she started to become. It was only because she and Henry were so close to figure out a way to take this Maggie person down who had been responsible for not just one of her children's kidnapping but two of them, and her friend's. A person like that had to be stopped, and she couldn't rest till she knew both her children were safe. At least as safe as they could be. Ten more minutes past and she tried to call him again, still nothing. Primrose got up from her seat and went to grab her winter jacket, and went to her car, to get in and drive to his place.

Bloody new moon draining her magic, but not her vampirism was still ticking, making it able for her after having parked her car and speeding towards his door. She could hear the sobbing from outside, "Henry?" She called before grabbing around the door, the door was unlocked - lucky her. So, she walked inside and looked around, closing the door behind her. "Henry?" Primrose didn't take her shoes or jacket off as she started looking for him, not having a hard time at all before finding him on the floor. "Oh my god," she rushed down on her knees to his side, "hey - it's okay," given her abilities and loss of a lot of mates in her time - she knew, oh she knew how much it could hurt when you lost one, and the signs had become pretty clear to her. So, she wrapped her arms around him to pull him closer towards her. "I'm here," she breathed out wanting to attempt to at least be close to him.

He could both hear and smell Primrose, but it didn’t stop him from hurting. He groaned and gasped until he could hear that she was close. She wrapped her arms around him, and a wail came from Henry. He did whatever he could to feel safe with her, hugging her tightly, burying his face in her jacket and listening to her heartbeat. Nothing really seemed to help the pain in his chest, but at least he wasn’t alone anymore. His hands clenched onto her jacket in a sob. “Please,” he managed to whisper. “Help me,” he cried hoping for anything that could ease the pain. “Make it stop,” he begged, “It hurts… It hurst so much,” he whispered before he started to sob again.

It was soul shattering to hear him being in so much pain, and knowing there tonight of all nights were nothing she could to do stop it. She couldn't use a spell to end his suffering or take it away in any way. Even as he begged her to help him, she closed her eyes just pulling him closer towards her. "It will pass soon, just hold on," Primrose hated this. She absolutely hated this, once again the complete thick sensation of being powerless just washed over her, and all she would do to just win one more fight. She had very little magic on a new moon, because compared to other witches Primrose took her magic from her vampirism, a thing she had learned ages ago, but it also made her able to mumble a small spell to linder the pain just a little bit. She hadn't been drinking blood for a long time and directly doing this was just triggering the need. "I know, I know," she whispered letting her left hand caress his back. "Just a bit longer and it will be all over," Primrose took a deeper half choked breath in, she couldn't let her own sadness drown her now. But she started to sing a hum a little, a song she had heard earlier today, not remembering the words correctly perhaps, but it didn't matter, she just wanted to give him something he could focus on while the pain took over.

Henry screamed in pain into her chest as she pulled him closer, telling him to hold on. It was difficult. He simply felt so empty, and it continued to dig a deeper and deeper hole in his chest. He could hear how she mumbled something, but the pain was too grand to make sense of the words – but it eased the pain and he could take a deeper and more controlled breath Being able to breathe more properly made it so much easier to work with the pain he was feeling. His arms wrapped around her as she tried to pacify him with words.
How long did it take? He had no idea but he was quite and simply listened to her humming and eventually the pain was gone. “Thank you for holding me,” he mumbled softly, not moving from his spot. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, even though he knew very well there was nothing he should be sorry for.

Primrose couldn't remember the last time she had allowed him in her embrace for so long, after their son had been taken from them she had been unable to let people come close to her. Even her family had had trouble with her finding herself comfortable, everything had been so overwhelming. It had taken years before she hadn't felt uncomfortable by a simple touch. Primrose didn't blame the fact that they had parted in the end, she knew the trauma had taken hard on their relationship - they both knew it, grieving their son, not for her being able to even comfort Henry in it without lashing out. It had been hell for both of them. "It's okay, it's okay," she breathed out as he had tanked her and apologized. Losing a mate you hadn't bonded with, what a cruel way for the world to tell you that you had lost a chance. She knew the burning sensation, even if it wasn't as brutal as other witches, she still knew it. "You are going to be fine - okay?" Primrose slowly let him go, moving her eyes towards him, giving him a soft smile.

Henry tried to find a sense in everything. Something to smell, see, touch and taste, even though it was difficult with wet eyes, blocked nose and a sour taste in his mouth. “Yes,” he agreed with a hoarse little voice, as she said he was going to be fine. It took a little longer before he could sit upright, or, he ended up leaning towards Primrose. How miserable one could be when they lost a mate. “I will forever be tired of this,” he mumbled and closed his eyes, trying to get used to the feeling. He was forever thankful that he wasn’t in the same boat as ordinary witches. It would be so much worse for them. He placed his hand on top of his chest, right where his heart would be, and as he did so he felt how everything felt like it was glued back together. It made him gasp for air, as if he had been drowning. He rested his head on Primrose shoulder while he caught his breath and felt whole again. He put a hand behind him, and another pulled down in his neckline so she could see what was written on the collarbone, “What does it say?” he panted a little and looked at her.

Forever was a long time to be tired of it, and yet she still was so herself. Tired of the burning pain, just wanting to find the one and stick with it - but even once before when that had happened, fear of death had made her break the bond. So in the end, she had cursed herself hadn't she? Primrose had saved many witches over the years, from mateships, death of losing ones mate. She was used to see people in the pain of this, but damn it didn't make it easier. So, she just let him rest his head against her shoulder, letting him take his time before he asked her to check what it said. The name. Like asking God what your fate was going to be this time. So, when Henry pulled down his neckline she looked at the name written to beautiful on the skin, and breathed out. "Laila," she licked her lips a little bit looking towards Henry. Now, there was always a slight chance you knew the person you were given to was already someone you knew. "You know anyone by that name?" Primrose asked softly, they were used to it by now, having one fate - but Primrose liked defining the odds, or maybe it was just because she knew when it came down to it - there was only one person whom she truly wanted to belong to if it came down to it. "How about I fetch you some water, huh? And we get you back on your feet," she suggested with a soft smile.

She took a look at the name, and he closed his eyes for a moment as she spoke it. “I don’t think I know anyone by that name” he exhaled and kept his eyes closed. He was still getting used to the feeling of not being hollow. It had truly been digging his heart out, and now it was gone. It was the weirdest thing. He opened his eyes as she offered to get him some water. He studied her for a second, for the first time really getting to look at her properly. “Yeah, that might be an idea,” he exhaled and let his eyes follow her. “I am really sorry you had to see this… But I am also really glad you’re here,” said and started to lean a little forward and rubbed his forehead a bit.

He didn't knew anyone with that name, which meant he had time. He had time to live a little before he would find her, maybe - who really knew anything in this world. Things happened just like they were meant to - at least if you believed in that sort of thing. She gave him a small nod before getting back up to standing, walking towards the kitchen to open the cabinet trying to remember where the glasses were. Prim had gotten so used to find her way around Austin's kitchen that going through a new tone didn't really open the same drawers. Finally, she got the glas and took it out, tip toeing a little bit, before she turned to the tab. "No need to apologize for that," she assured him filling the glass up with water before closing the tab again. "We've both gone through it before. That shit is never funny to go through," Primrose breathed out and handed him the glass. He had seen her in pain before, pain that had been between life and death for the moment, the day everything had fallen apart. "Did you have any relation with your former mate?" Primrose then asked softly. If it was a stranger, yes it hurt too, but knowing the person - having met them could hurt much more because well yes, you had created some sort of connection just by being in the same room.

She told him not to apologize, but it didn’t change his mind. He wouldn’t want anyone to witness someone with a mate on their collarbone lose their mate. It wasn’t a pretty sight. He continued to rub his head as she elaborated that they both had experienced mate changes before, and that she knew that it wasn’t funny to go through. He licked his teeth a little, being completely tired. He looked up as she handed him the water and grabbed onto it. He lifted the glass a bit in a thanks before he took a sip of it. No, a mouthful… Oh, okay, we’re turning the bottom up. He put the glass down and shook his head a little to her question, before he corrected himself. “I met her… Twice,” he said breathing a little heavily from drinking all of the water. “We… We were very close to actually sealing the bond because she even carried my name,” he explained and shook his head a little. “Things has been quite the rollercoaster,” he said and let a hand run through his hair. “I think we both got scared of what had been going on… So we kept our distance,” he elaborated and looked up at Primrose again.

Primrose wondered what the story was as he spoke that he had met her twice. Twice before. Why only twice, as he added so himself that they had been rather close to actually sealing the bond. It sounded dangerous. Now, she had fairly good control when it came down to it - she blamed it on her vampire side. But she had heard about witches - witch hybrids where the two had been each other's mates. There were something utterly powerful about that, because it was what had happened with the first witch when she had created the first created. It had made everyone else search for their other half, and she didn't know where it had turned around, making none witches be the soulmate - well at this point she didn't mind that her faith wasn't bound to another warlock or hybrid - well of course she hadn't met the person yet. "Well to be fair - I don't believe in we need the bond to tell us who we love, otherwise why would we love despite of it?" Now she knew they weren't on the same on this due their species, the werewolf and the vampire were mortal enemies, she assumed the werewolves had a different way to find love - she had almost admired the werewolf mentality with staying with a pack. There was something beautiful about it. Pack mentality. "Anything I can get you?" She then asked looking towards him again.

Henry raised his brows a little as she explained she didn’t believe they needed the bond. He… Understood what she meant, but it didn’t change that he was raised in a pack and having the one and only meant a tad more. “The bond, yeah, I agree,” he said and looked down and picked a little at his glass. “Witches are truly cursed,” he chuckled a little before he covered his eyes and rubbed them a little. He looked up as she asked if there was anything she could get him. His brows lifted themselves once before he shook his head a little. “No… I just…” he exhaled deeply. “Can you give me a hand?” he wondered and put his and up towards her for her to help him get up. He couldn’t just sulk in something which wasn’t more anymore. He would’ve contacted someone from Alexandra’s family if he had any of their contacts, but he didn’t. He had to move on. Primrose and Henry needed their son back in safe hands.

The curse breaker, Joseph had called her that at some point because of her power. The power to break the bond once sealed, it made her less worried - she didn't share the same concern as others, well unless she were to be rejected. Not even Primrose could escape that fate if she couldn't get to her grandfather in time, knowing about his powers. Primrose licked her lips a little, but other than that yes, witches were truly cursed. She nodded a little bit and reached down to take his hand, then pulling him up on his feet. "Maybe you should take it easy though, huh? Just till everything settles a little bit," Primrose suggested. Yes, they needed to make a good plan to get Andrew back, but they weren't just the two of them against the world in this. Austin had said he would help if she needed any. Given the resources she now had, she needed to get a hold of Daisy. Because, well she knew Daisy would want a say in what happened to Maggie and how they dealt with her - she also had a good feeling Nigel wanted to be included, but she didn't yet know he was in town and she hadn't even spoken to Daisy yet. Everything Primrose hoped were that they could at least get him back before Christmas, or at least get him out of the hands of Maggie. She could live with the fact if someone else needed to take care of Andrew for a while making sure he was healthy, she could deal with that - not happy about it, but she could do it, as long as he was in good hands. "And maybe you should sit down in the sofa for a second," she took a deeper breath in.

She told him to take it easy and he frowned a little. “No, it’s fine,” he groaned a little as he got to his feet, even though he was a little dizzy after everything that had happened. Maybe he needed more water. He wouldn’t want to try food yet. “Prim, it’s fine!” he assured her a little stern and his voice a little raised. He pulled a little away from her before he took a couple of deeper breaths. “Sorry,” he exhaled and looked up at her. That wasn’t very kind of him. “I’ll rest… But let us at least talk about what we can do,” he said and gave her a kind smile.

Primrose looked at him with his small stern gaze, as he had raised his voice. But she didn't say anything, she just looked at him, lifting her hands a little up as if he had won. Prim wasn't going to say anything else if he didn't her help, or just wanted to be alone, "no it's fine." She clicked her tongue a little bit looking away as she scratched the back of her head. "You are, we can just do it tomorrow," she folded her lips a little together. Two days from today it would be their son's birthday, and she knew they wouldn't get him home by then. But this wasn't going to get them anywhere either, she was pretty sure Henry hadn't really forgiven her for interrupting that dinner last month. However, she also knew Austin would help her, he had helped her finding more information. She had been spending so much time at Austin's place by now that she had almost moved in. "What do you want me to do?" She asked him, wanting to know what he wanted, because this was his home and if he didn't want to talk or didn't want his help - or having her here.

He shook his head a little as she said that it was fine. It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t okay of him to raise his voice like that when she truly just made sure that he was alright and not pushing himself too much after what he had just been through. He shook his head a little as she tried to tell him they could just do it tomorrow. “No, we shouldn’t be waiting anymore,” he said and carefully took her hand before he looked up at her. She asked what he wanted her to do, and he pulled on a gentle smile. “I want you to sit down with me and talk,” he said, even though he was still exhausted.

They shouldn't be waiting anymore. No, she knew that. Back when she had first come to find him, it had been the only thing on her mind. Then things had taken yet another turn when Austin had knocked on her door, telling her that her that Violet was found. Now she had gotten Violet in her life, she had wanted to be able to just focus on Violet for a while as well, but it was hard not being able to do everything at once. At least she had gotten the chance to tell Violet about it, so she knew. Primrose almost pulled her hand back as he took it, but she stopped herself. "Okay," she nodded before walking towards the nearest chair and sat down. She had already informed Henry about Maggie had been a part of not only their son's kidnapping, but also Violet. Daisy's daughter Madelaine had been taken. "I'm going to contact Daisy within the next couple of days, she deserves to know that I've found the woman who took her daughter from her," Primrose informed, now she didn't know that Daisy had found her daughter, but she knew Daisy would want to know. However, she knew if both Daisy and Nigel were involved, they would for sure make something happen. "But more importantly, we have to discuss what we do when he gets back," she took a sharper breath in, wanting to take it easy on him - but they also had to agree on what they were going to do. Because either way, they weren't going to raise their son together. Not that they both weren't going to be in his life, they just had to figure out what to do. Yes, she had missed far too many years with Violet, but Violet was an adult, she could think for herself understand the world around her - Andrew was five years old, he was attached to Maggie - which was possibly what killed her the most. They couldn't force Andrew to love them or to want to be with them, they could only earn his trust. "All I want is what is best for him once we get him out of her hands," she licked her lips a little bit, the next part not easy to say, "even if its not in our hands at first."

They sat down and he could feel how his whole body emerged with the sofa. God, it felt nice to sit in something comfortable and not lay on the fucking floor. He nodded slowly with his eyes closed. “When did you last talk to Daisy?” he wondered and slowly opened his eyes, “Like, what if she has gotten her daughter back or something… Maybe… I don’t know… Just make sure you don’t rub salt into the wound,” he said, trying to form a sentence.
What did they do when they got Andrew back? Henry held his breath for a moment and was nervous that a Primrose still wouldn’t think clearly – or at least that had been how he had been thinking when she had visited him last, or maybe they had just talked past each other. Henry looked directly at her as she mentioned she wanted what was the best for Andrew. And what exactly was that in her eyes? He pulled a soft smile as she finally revealed what she thought might be the solution to what to do with Andrew. “I think that might be a solution,” he said softly. “And we have to prepare ourselves for whatever has been happening while we haven’t been there,” he said and tried to sit up a little.

"I spoke to her back in early March," she replied back, looking towards Henry and raised her brow a little bit. "I think I know how to talk to my friend about this, around now don't you reckon?" Now it was her time to reply back a bit more stoic. She had known Daisy for twenty-one years by now, and Primrose had felt guilty for enough days that her friend wasn't as lucky. Primrose didn't know why it was so easy for them to snap at one another but it was and had become far to easy after they had lost Andrew.
All that mattered to Primrose was that Andrew was safe. She knew by now the damage their could be done to your child in the hands of someone else, how Violet had been treated. Of course Henry didn't know any of that, because she hadn't felt like sharing it, it was Violet's story not hers. "Yeah I know," Primrose wasn't afraid of how she was going to handle Andrew. She was afraid of how she was going to react when she saw Maggie, because a huge part of her still simply just wanted Maggie dead. To tear her apart, but she knew she could contain herself and the violent thoughts if she had Austin in her corner. Then she could pretty much handle everything, right? "How are you going to prepare?" She then asked, curiously.

Henry raised his brows a little as she explained that she had spoken to her friend back in March. He could almost sense how he had stepped on Primrose’s toes, and he lifted his hands up to the sides of his chest, almost as if he was pulling away – giving up. “Sorry, you do you,” he said and really didn’t want to step into whatever business Primrose had. She clearly had everything under control.
He licked his lips a little as she asked how he was going to prepare. He shrugged a little, not because he didn’t care, but because he wasn’t fully sure. “Expect the worst,” he said and licked his teeth a little by the thought. He couldn’t imagine what screwed up parents were able to do to children, but he was sure, that it could be very, very bad. “I think it depends on how well we want to prepare ourselves,” he said and looked at his hands, merging them in his lap. “If we were to go get him right now, that would be the best I could do, but… If we prepared us more, well then I might try and get more into childhood trauma,” he said and looked up at her again, “If he has been traumatized, we have to know what kind of responses he’s going to give us,” he said and looked back at his fingers again. God, he just really wished that he wasn’t traumatized.

Expect the worst. She had been expecting the worst for years by now, she was very familiar with the term, but she was also familiar with it never getting her anywhere. Primrose understood the term, if you expected the worst it was hard to be taken by any surprise, it could only be better than the scenario you expected. But it was no way to live. She had just started turning over a more hopeful leaf, and she didn't want or need Henry to make her travel down that dark path again. Talking about trauma - childhood trauma - if Andrew was traumatized, of course she had thought that. Primrose had felt it like an never ending nightmare, and like the woman hunted her down for the sake of just toying with her. One thing was taking Violet, the next attack had been brutal and scaring in a way Primrose never would be able to forget. Of course she hoped that no matter the monster that Maggie was that she had at least been kind to Andrew, she could only hope. Actually right now what she wanted was to just get up and go home, or not really home, because Austin's place wasn't really home, it was just the closest place to what felt like home. "All I want is to make sure he is out of her hands, and if that means he needs to be with someone else while we slowly ease ourselves into his life. If it means that we aren't going to be a part of it. It will be like that. But I would hate that, and I hope that it doesn't come down to it." She licked her lips a little bit. "You think you would be able to face her?" She wondered. Mostly because it was the question she asked herself more than just a few times a day.

Henry didn’t live by the term, but occasionally he believed that it might be a good thing to follow the term for at short amount of time. And this, well he didn’t wish to be ruined by something that might have happened to their son, so he simply tried to imagine every scenario he could to prepare himself. What would be the worst thing?
He nodded softly as she mentioned how she simply jut wanted Andrew out of her hands. He agreed. He wanted their son to be in a safe place. “Agreed,” he spoke softly. “We’ll figure it out,” he added and bit his lip a little thoughtfully, looking up at Primrose as she asked him yet another question. “Yeah,” he exhaled and nodded, “Yeah, I think so,” he said even though he also knew that he would be so terribly angry at the woman. “What about you?”

Would she be able to face Maggie. Unlike the others, none of them but her, had looked Maggie into the eyes, had been drugged by her, been through what Primrose had been through. So, of course despite the rage being there for the others as well, because Maggie had taken a child from Daisy and Nigel, had taken Primrose' oldest daughter, and then cut out her son - and that was perhaps what made Primrose so utterly angry, how she had been treated. The traumas she sometimes still suffered from. "I don't know. I know that I want nothing more than to tear her apart piece by piece, and cause her ages of suffering. But, I also have to realize it won't change the things she did to me, or to anyone. I just want to make sure that she doesn't hurt anyone ever again - and with the right people I know I can contain myself," she licked her lips a little bit. "I've survived so many years, this should be nothing at this point - right?" She chuckled a little to herself.

She didn’t know if she would be able to face her, and he could understand why. His eyes looked a little sadly at her, as she spoke about tearing the lady who had kidnapped their child. He understood why, and now that she mentioned it, he also understood the temptation. Something somewhere inside of him, didn’t believe that the woman deserved to live. He nodded slowly as she was realistic and knew that violence wasn’t the key for the problems. It was something he had had troubles with, when his wolf part seemed to be taking over, closer to the full moons. He wished to assure her that she was going to make it, and that he would be there to make sure she didn’t do something too violent. He pulled on a sad smile as she mentioned that it should be nothing at this point. He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We can just hope it’ll be nothing… But we might have to realize that we should expect the worst,” he replied.