A caged bird [cw]

Ace’s eyes kept looking at her, adoring her. He pulled on a little smile as she said she would normally say she was fine, and he could really relate to that. Just give a simple response, and no matter who it was, they would leave you the fuck alone. You were fine, so no need to dig deeper into it right? But she had something else on heart, just because she believed that he was cheesy. It made him chuckle a little against her lips, as he reciprocated it shortly. It wasn’t his meaning to be cheesy, but looking in the rear mirror, it might have been quite cheesy. He caught onto her sentence wasn’t fluent and it made a cold shiver start from his lower back. What had she been in the middle of saying? His smile was small and slightly insecure. “What?” he whispered frowning a little. He had to keep himself at bay as much as possible, because he couldn’t just leave her if she was spilling more feelings than he was ready to admit to. Being exclusive however was as of right now more in his mind than specific feelings. He hadn’t yet opened the dusty boxes furthest back in his mind, marked with feelings and a lot of warning signs. One should be careful to open up those boxes, but it certainly seemed like Hope was heading straight at them and didn’t take any precautions. “What were you about to say?” he wondered with a slight frown. Even though he was hovering over her, he did his best to pull his ring off his finger again, because he didn’t wish to leave her if she confessed to what she had been wishing to say. He wanted to keep his promise and stay a couple of hours. He should just tug in his tail and start running as soon as she seemed to get too close to his boundaries.

It was like someone punched her in her stomach, as she saw how he looked at her. He had caught onto it, and more than she would have liked. Now, there had been a reason why she had chanced it. It had been a simple spur of the moment, and she was no way near ready to tell anyone those three little words that meant so much for other people. But it was clear, that it freaked him out, that she was even thinking in those lengths. That she might harbor feeling like t hose for him. Because those she could not run from. That they were in her mind, that she knew in her heart that if she let them, they would be there for him. So, it was a mixture of being scared that he would run away again. And hurt that he didn’t want to hear her say that. Being in an awkward position to just start pulling off rings. She noticed right away and felt how it ran her cold down her spine. Now he was trying to make sure he didn’t run away. Because that was what he wanted to do? Run? She let out a soft exhale. She moved him off her and got out of bed. “It was just that I was about to call you annoying and I didn’t want to ruin the moment” she mumbled, walking naked towards the bathroom.

He could see how his reaction made her feel uneasy. He could sense how Hope’s heart was pounding and how she seemed to become nervous and scared. She moved him of her and his eyes quickly looked after her as she got out of bed. She was lying. The way she had been smiling hadn’t been to something like that. “When you’re with someone as annoying as me?” he said with raised brows and started to crawl out of bed, butt naked and followed her. He left his ring in the bed, not really thinking of it, except for the uneasy feeling of the sunlight on his body. “Hope,” he said “Please don’t-” he didn’t even know what he was about to say to her but his voice didn’t want him to continue anyway. He followed her and went and tried to turn her around. “That was not what you were about to say,” he looked into her eyes. For a moment he tried to prepare himself for what she was going to say.

Of course, he didn’t just let it go. She hadn’t believed for a second, that Ace wouldn’t see past her lies. But she had hoped that he would just let it pass, and they could get back to taking things slow. She wasn’t about to let herself say to him, that she was falling in love. And she had thought that, almost said it too. But she hadn’t, and that was the difference. Was it really too much to hope, that he would just see that she hadn’t meant too, and that it was way to early? She almost felt like he was forcing her to reveal something, that she wasn’t at all ready to give to him. Just because he wanted to make sure, what was it that he wanted to get out of this? So, he had a reason to walk out? Was that it? So, she could once again give him a reason to blame her, for running away. Turning around she looked at him, shaking her head a little. Her eyes almost begging him not to continue. “Why is it so important? I didn’t say it for a reason” she tried to warn him. Both for her and his shake.

She shook her head, and he could see in her eyes that she didn’t want to talk about this. It was like a cold stone in his stomach, and he made sure he didn’t have a hold of her. “Sorry,” he said feeling a little misplaced. “Of course,” he said and took a little step away from her. “It’s not important,” he said and clenched his jaw a little. Maybe it was for the best, but somehow it only assured him, that I was something that he wasn’t ready for. “You know where to find me,” he mumbled and pointed over his shoulder towards he bed. As he turned, he could see how the sun shined and he squinted his eyes a bit feeling how nausea and a headache was flowing over him even more. He looked down and away from the window before he moved back towards he bed to get under the sheets.

She had no idea how to take all of this in. Of course, yesterday had just been a fairytale. Telling each other that they couldn’t get the other out of their minds. That he had been having trouble even doing his job, because of her. And now, now he acted like this, because she had been close to slip that she might love him. More, falling in love. Because wasn’t that what it was? Not being able to stop thinking about a person, when you wanted to close your eyes and recall the good times together. Wanted to figure out when you could meet again. Or use crazy amount of time just trying to forget and move on.

Hope watched how Ace moved back to the bed. How he returned to the bed and got under the sheets. She was standing there for a moment, about to ask him why he just didn’t leave. Because that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Just to leave again, because the emotions were too much to cope with. But she didn’t, knowing that if she asked and he did leave. She would never heal from it. Even if doubt about if she could recover from this, already started to form in her head. Finally, she walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Not locking it, just, putting a door between him and her. She wasn’t sure how long she was standing there looking into the mirror and her reflection. She had been so happy before going to bed, but now? Now, she looked like she had once again gone through a horrible night of bad dreams. A low sigh left her, as she walked over to the shower and turned it on. Waiting for it to become hot, before she stepped in. For a moment, it was like every emotion had left her. And then, like lightning it crashed down over her. And a soft sob left her, letting her hands find the cold tile stone behind the shower head. She bent her knees and ended up sitting on the floor feeling the hot water glide over her body, as she hid her face in her knees and hands.

He slipped under the covers and laid there for a little. He could hear how she eventually entered the bathroom. He could hear how she didn’t lock the door. She didn’t make a sound, before it seemed like she turned on the shower. He could hear how she stepped into the shower and how she all of a sudden sobbed. He listened carefully before he decided to get out of the bed, once again without his bed. He went to the bathroom and opened the door. “Hope…?” He went to the shower and removed the curtains, seeing her sitting on the floor with water pouring over her. He could feel how he had to bite down a snarky comment. He got into the shower and sat down and pulled her to sit with her legs across his lap. He pulled her into his embrace and simply let the water swallow them. “I just need time,” he mumbled, “I don’t know what you wanted to say… But I just want you to know, that I’m not certain if I can say it back truthfully yet,” he spoke with a low voice.

It wasn’t like she really wanted to sit there and cry like a child. Because she felt stupid for reacting so violently on how he had acted around her. But she could stop it, she was just so afraid. Afraid of loving again, to let anyone into her well-guarded heart. Feared to be left alone again. There was a lot of things about this, that had triggered her. And she hated it.

When he spoke her name, she lifted her head from her knees, looking at how he removed the shower curtain and looked at her. Her slightly red eyes from crying looked at him, just waiting for him to tell her off. But he didn’t. he sat down beside her instead and pulled her closer towards him. She didn’t fight against it, and just looked at him, trying to understand what he was about to do. I just need time, she knew that her crying wasn’t about that. If I can say it back. It wasn’t about that either. “It isn’t about that, at all” she whispered, looking into his eyes. “I’m scared” she added “just as much as you are, and I’m scared if I say the wrong thing, because I’m overwhelmed you run away, again, that you are just looking for an excuse to leave me, again” she added. Because that was what she had gotten out of his behavior. That even her saying something that wasn’t right for him to hear, he would just get out. No explanation. Like had done when he had woken up after the first time, they had been together.

She replied to him. He hadn’t expected that. She communicated with him, and that was such a relief. It would make this so much easier in the end. He noticed how she looked into his eyes, and he didn’t want to take his eyes away from her. She was scared, just like him. He pulled her closer as she spoke. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against hers. “I-” he swallowed a lump in his throat. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly. “I really wished you wouldn’t feel like this,” he caressed her gently. “I’m not going to leave you. I promise you,” he mumbled with a soft sigh. He turned his head a little so his lips were closer to her ear. “Is there anything I can do?” he whispered to her, hoping that there was something – just something.

Hope closed her eyes as he apologized. If they were being honest, he didn’t need to keep apologizing. They had already gone through this, and they should be able to get past it. Shouldn’t they? But someone, they always came back to this moment. One pushing the other away, because of insecurities and past things that had happened. A soft hum left her, as she felt his fingers caress her, much like the water that was still running did. When he asked if there was anything he could do. She was just about telling him the standard answer for that. No, there isn’t anything. But she remembered how hopeless you could feel if you didn’t some kind hint of what you could do. “You’ve already done it” she whispered, referring to the fact that he had come out. That he had sat down, and he had gotten her to speak about it. Hope opened her eyes again, letting her hand find his cheek, letting her thumb glide over his skin.

He had already done what he could do, which made him take a slower breath. She looked up and caressed his cheek. He went to kiss her forehead. “It’s going to be alright,” he mumbled before he looked back into her eyes and let a hand run over her soaked hair. “Come here,” he spoke softly and started to help her up onto her legs and into another embrace. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hm?” he suggested to her with a kind smile, still holding onto her under the running showerhead.

As his lips touched her forehead, Hope closed her eyes. Savoring the feeling of closeness. That he was telling her that it was going to be alright, and for a moment she let herself believe him. Even if her mind was still demanding her to never put her guard down, not like she had almost done when they had been lying in the bed. She didn’t fight him, when he slowly pulled her up to stand again. Her eyes locking with his as she got up on her feet again. Her arms folded naturally around his neck, as he pulled her into another embrace. “Are you offering doing that?” she asked, with a whisper of a cheeky smile, she had never really shared a bath with anyone before. So, this was a first for her.

Ace chuckled lovingly at Hope as she asked if he was offering to clean her up. “I can do that,” he said softly and let his nose stroke hers. He gave her a few kisses along her cheekbone until he reached her hair and kissed her there. He was looking at what she had to wash her in. How many products did she have and was it easy to figure out what should go where? Now, he didn’t have that much experience with that many products, but at least he knew how to use shampoo, conditioner and body shower. “Do you want your hair washed too?” he spoke softly, still holding her close and in a warm embrace. After all, the warm water made his skin seem just a little warmer.

She wasn’t actually thinking he would take her up on the offer to wash her. But as his nose stroked against hers, and he started kissing her cheekbone. It was like for every kiss he gave her, he slowly melted that ice she had been fast to build over her heart once again, after his reaction to how she had phrased herself, while they had been lying in bed. It was horrible how easy it was for both of them to just close themselves off and move away from one another. Haunted by what other people had done to them, and not strong enough to let someone in and mend and heal what had hurt them in the first place. Her fingers glided up against his cheeks into his hair by his hears and folded her fingers behind his head. A soft smile formed on her lips. “If you want too” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him on his lips. She moved around and pulled some body shampoo from the small shelve. Now she didn’t have a whole lot a good body scrub, a body gel and hair products. Then there was the fact that they were expensive products. Which besides tea and food, was the only thing she ever really used her money on. She put some of it in her hands, and then she put some in his. Without even asking, she let her own hands glide over his shoulder and arms. Lifting her eyes from his torso to his eyes.

She combed his hair through with her fingers, before she simply held her hands around his neck. A hint of a smile appeared as she said he could wash her hair if he wanted to. Now, her hair was longer than his, and he only remembered that he had helped his daughter once in a while with her hair many, many years ago, but products had changed since back then. He reciprocated her kiss gently and let her move around to get what she wanted to grab and was ready to assist if she was about to fall or anything. She gave him some and herself. He frowned for a second believing she was going to wash herself and just giving him some so he could keep his hands away from her, but as she placed hands on his shoulders, he understood the assignment. He let his hands find her waist and with caring, and a little rusty, movements, he started to soap her in. His hands moved from her waist to her lower back, up her back, to her shoulders and slowly down her arms. Just like her, his eyes wandered from her torso to her eyes, and as he reached her arms, he pulled her a little closer. He leaned in to kiss her, but inches from, he spoke, “Do you still think I’m going to leave you?” he whispered before he kissed the corner of her mouth and let his hands find her hips. If his sentence didn’t wake bad feelings, he would soap in her buttocks, kiss her down the midline of her body, while his arms soaped in her legs.

Even if the movements of their hands, could quickly turn into something sensual, or even sexual. She was very determinat to only make it about being close to one another. One thing, was her knowing that being close in that sense, came with a lot of problems for Ace. Even though he had shown her last night, just how much appreciation he had for her body. The memory almost enough to spark the head in her pelvis. But she quickly turned her mind back to letting her hands glide over his body. Massaging over his shoulders, down his back. A small hum of surprise left her, as he pulled her closer and then leaned in, her expecting him to kiss her. Only to feel how his breath cascaded over lips. Her eyes opened, as he asked if she still thought he would leave her. She did, but not right now. Right now, she wanted to believe. So, she did. But it felt almost too easy to just let him off the hook. “Hmm” she mumbled, letting her eyes travel his movements as his lips found their way down her body while his hands almost worked like magic over her body. “might need some more convincing” she teased, but instead of letting him. She grabbed his chin, looking down at him. Pulling him up, gently and slowly. Turning him around so his back was against hers, and she could move her own hands better down his back. Soaping it in, she leaned forward and let her lips find themselves just besides her ear. “But maybe you should let me take care of you know, to show my appreciation from last night?” she asked, still holding her hands in sober places.

She didn’t reply immediately, and he hadn’t asked for that. He raised his brows a bit as she mentioned how she might need some more convincing before she would believe that he wouldn’t just leave her like that. “Yeah?” He mumbled softly. He was about to ask her what she wished for, what he could do when she grabbed his chin. He followed her hand up, and simply did as she gestured to, when she wanted him to turn around. His shoulders rolled back once while she, correcting his posture a bit now that he wasn’t facing Hope. He closed his eyes as he felt how her hands circled over his body, soaping him in. When she leaned closer to him, he turned his head a little, making it easier to talk to him. She offered to take care of him now, to show her appreciation from the night before. “I wouldn’t mind some appreciation,” he replied. His eyes were almost shut. He was quite ready to follow her lead, whether she wanted him to stand with his back to her or turn around another time.