Piece of my heart

Maybe your presences are confusing me, just as much as mine is confusing you.
He sneered, almost as he was the wolf and not her. It wasn’t fair of her; she didn’t deserve to say such things to him. She had been able to move on, even though she had told him there was no such thing. But she had, she had found a way to be with someone else. He hadn’t.

“that’s not fair, and you know it” she folded his hand into a fist while looking at her. “You might say that you missed me, and I’m even inclined to believe that you tried to come back but wasn’t able too” he felt how he by each word became colder in his heart, as he didn’t allow himself to feel the love that he knew he had for her. “But you found someone else” he narrowed his eyes “you found love again, I didn’t, I was alone for so long, until I realized that I just didn’t have the means to move on after you, and now you come back, waltzing into my life, thinking that it can all be the same?” he stepped away and shook his head.

“Get out” he mumbled letting her fingers glide through his dark-brown hair, his eyes had found somewhere else to look for a moment before they were back at her. “Get out” he repeated taking a deep breath in. He meant it, because this was too much for him to figure out how to deal with.

She narrowed her eyes a little bit, listening in. Listening to his heartbeat, because she knew - she wasn't being fair. None of the words she spoke was fair, following him here wasn't fair. It all came down to she had found someone else, but no it's wasn't that. It was the fact he hadn't been able to. He hadn't been able to let it go, as much as he liked to believe he had. The many walls he built too move on as he had called it. She stood by her words; moving on was a lie. "I never said it would be the same," she breathed out, being the only response to those words. Her heart ached for him, that he hadn't been able to find love after, that he had been alone. No one deserved to drown in loneliness. But what would change if she told him about how this infamous Joseph Blackwood had kept her changed to a medical table for years, keeping her from him. What would that change other than guilt for not being able to be there? Or to have the knowledge of her whereabouts. It would do him nothing good.

Get out, she took a deeper breath in, holding it for a moment, observing him. It was like watching the walls trying to crumble, but the builders in such hurry they didn't let the strong foundation fall. It stayed up. He repeated his words, and she wasn't blind to knowing when it was time to take his words serious or not. At the same time, she didn't wish to. "You really want me to go?" She asked him, looking at him - it felt a little too familiar, she didn't like leaving him when he was upset. Melanie dared stepping closer to him. "The reason I couldn't find you, was because I was taken. Some crazy scientist kept me under lock and key - I tried for years to get free, but once I was out - I didn't even know where I was or where to look - everything was different," she took a deeper breath in. "Yes, I fell in love again, but no I didn't stop loving you in spite of it all," she breathed slowly out looking at him, tensing her jaw a little bit. "But I didn't mean to come here and ruin anything, or cause troubles - so, I guess I will go." she folded her lips a little bit together, before taking a step back and slowly turning around.

He took a very long breath through his nose as he asked if he really wanted her to go. His eyes didn’t leave her as she kept looking at him. He listened to what she told; she had been taken. Well, granted he didn’t some questionable things to other species as well, and hadn’t he known her more intimately, he might have been interested in seeing what made the curse she carried tick. But he was starting to question how much more they could learn from species and their abilities. Funnily enough, even though what him and Leigh did, was questionable. Some of the things they had figured out, had been the legwork to many medical products for other species than humans. Also enhancing what they had been capable. Including his own sister.

“That is a delusion, Mellie” he bit back as she then made it about her. Never stopped loving him. “What does that even mean? Didn’t come here to ruin and cause trouble, you knew the pain that had been caused, so if you didn’t want to cause it, you should have turned around and walked away” he had to take another breath in, pushing down the rage that was forming in his chest. At least vices also included anger, which made it very easy for him to subdue it so he wouldn’t lash out more than he already was. “Which only make this whole ordeal much more confusing to me” he finished off, not doing anything else to stop her to walk out. If she waited for some grand gesture. Him pulling her back, telling her that he still loved her and kissing her lips. Then she might have to go back to the vampire lover she had been with in France.

She stopped for a moment, looking over at the tea cup at the table for a moment. Such waste of tea, so much for not wanting to place a bomb. Everyone knew once you had placed a bomb, it was just a matter of time before it got unstable and exploded. Much like right now, where she didn't even knew where to find herself in the situation. It was one big mess. Melanie took a deeper breath in, closing her eyes for a moment. Yes, she should keep walking. Keep walking, stay out of his life as he said. Not having planted the seeds that lead to this. Because this was just brutal. An unnecessary evil she had caused. "I'm sorry," she licked her lips as she breathed out, running her hands over her head. The prime curse of immortality, was the people left behind after a death, that never understood what it was like to never die. To wake up after pain, sometimes the most cruel pain and being put back together like some puzzle God found it fun to rip apart once in a while. The mortal could never understod, even if they were cursed with a long life. "I shouldn't have pushed you," she turned her head but not her body towards him.

It was odd how he knew that she had found someone else, how he knew what she had been up to - but never dared making contact. Never dared looking into her eyes till she had found him. Maybe it was her punishment, and she gladly took the blame for it, after all that was what she did. "Moving on is still a lie, no matter if you believe it or not." She took a deeper breath in. "Do you have a some paper and a pencil? I will write down my number and address here in the city, if you find something - you can just mail it to me or write a letter," she now turned her body towards him, folding her arms in a wrap around her body. "Then you don't have to see me again if you don't want to." She took a few steps closer to him, not too close, but still only a few steps apart.

This was the second time that she was telling him that she was sorry. Sorry for hurting him, sorry for what had happened. It was starting to piss him off, because that feeling was something he could relate to, something he could form his identity around of. Being angry, devious, and cruel, that was what his being was built up around after he had lost his family. Not that he had ever been a very loving person, but around his son, it had been different. And he wasn’t even sure that Neil could remember that for a time, he had actually been there for him. It was always easier to blame the surviving parent.

“Yes” he replied as she asked for a piece of paper that she could write down her address and number. He walked behind the desk and pulled out a drawer. In there was some paper. He took out one piece and opened the other where pencils where lying in order after what kind of hardness they had. He then took a normal writing pen up and placed it on top of the paper pushing it towards her. As he had done that, he crossed his arms and took in a deep breath.

A smaller sigh left her lips, walking towards the desk as he found some paper and the pencil she requested. She didn't talk while he found the items, but she was still very observant about his movements. Melanie placed three fingers on top of the paper and pencil as he pushed it towards her, dragging it over in front of her. With her left hand she grabbed the pencil and bended a little forward, placing the other hand just by the top corner of the paper. She wrote down the address she had almost outside of town, in one of the smaller villages close to Aston. She also added her phone number even though she theorized he wouldn't have an issue finding this information if he wanted to. Melanie had always had a beautiful handwriting, the cursive letters easily gave away that she had lived over a long period of time. Such a shame that it seemed like this type of writing had gone out of fashion, or what the young people said these days. Melanie breathed out before putting the pencil down, and straightened her back again turning towards him again. She licked her lips a little bit, her green eyes locked on his.

She didn't want to leave. Even more important, she didn't want to leave him while he was angry, it wouldn't result in anything good. The road to anger seemed easy, fueled by frustration and the unknown, sometimes even fueled by fear. Melanie knew she had caused trouble. It wasn't the first time she had looked someone in the eye after, she just wished it didn't have to feel like a stab in the gut having caused so much pain. Putting all her doubts at the door, if this was the last time she was going to look into his eyes - the last time he would see her, because she had a theory that he would avoid her at all cost - even if it wasn't what she wanted. Then, she had to choose her next seconds wisely - at least according to her perspective of view wise. The seconds felt like long minutes being dragged out to almost a point of dread, till she stepped closer towards him till she stood right in front of him. She reached up, letting her hands cup his face and her thumbs trace over the cheekbone as she took a deeper breath in. Still just looking into his eyes.

He waited almost patiently for her to finish writing down. He watched how her handwriting hadn’t changed over the years, and he had to look away as his eyes had been gliding over her hands. How it had felt in his, against his skin. It was too much, and he hated himself for the human emotion he had let himself feel while being with her. What had that ever done to a demon? He could look at his sister and see just how far out she had gotten. How she was now torn between wanting to be good and just let herself glide into the darkness that was luring behind her. Maybe that was why they never would find peace in this world before they just let their true nature overtake them.

His eyes found her frame again, as she started moving on herself. What was she doing? He didn’t do anything as she stepped closer to him, not even as both her hands found his face, but as soon as her thumps glided over his cheekbones, his hands grabbed around her wrist and pulled them away from his face. Now he knew he wasn’t as strong as her, but he had powers that could bring her to her knees if he wanted. “What do you think you are doing?” he asked rather cold but didn’t release his grip.

He grabbed her wrists, she hadn't expected another outcome, and yet she traded these waters so carelessly. Why was she testing him like this, she didn't really know, like she wanted to taste the damage she had inflicted. He didn't release the grip, and her eyes kept locked with his. It wouldn't take more than a pull back to release herself, but she didn't. She after all wasn't here to fight him, she didn't do it to fight him. "Because I'm selfish," she clicked her tongue a little bit before taking a deeper breath in. "And, I wanted to touch you," she added still not moving her eyes from him. "In the end, I know you might not want to see me again - so, I'm doing the stupid thing," she took a deeper breath in, clicking her tongue a little. Melania could feel her heart rate speed up. She had been punish year after year for coming back to live, for leaving people behind thinking she did them a favor, and she just got the reason why she never came back slapped in her face. "Have you ever asked yourself what would have happened if you had contacted me when you found me, instead of avoiding the what ifs?" She dared asking and held her breath for a moment.

Yes, she was. He agreed with her, even though he didn’t say anything. Letting his brown eyes rest in hers green. She wanted to touch him, not that she had the right, not anymore. He almost let a chuckle leave him, as she told him that was doing stupid things. The next thing she said, hit him in the gut. Almost knocking him off balance. If she had thought what would have happened if he had contacted her when he had finally found her. What kind of questions was that? He narrowed his eyes, and drew in a deep breath in. “All the time” he confessed and tensed his jaw “But, unlike you, I saw that you were in a place where you were happy, at least at the time, so why should I ruin that?” he asked, raising a brow “You had found someone new, so why would I let myself go through the pain, of you choosing him instead of me – even if you had chosen me, I took a choice then, I stood by it, so I didn’t avoid the what ifs” he shook his head “I chose what was best for me, and I made a new name for myself, I did something else and got another life – so, I ask you again, what is it you want from me, and what do you want from this life? And don't tell me you don't know, because that I don't believe”

His first words surprised her a bit. Someone knew. Well, it wasn't someone knew - but how could he know that. The tales of her and Oscar was what defined complicated, she didn't call it being in love - it had been a union between two people who had been ripped apart and lost each other because one had seen them unfit for each other - someone she never thought she would see again. But to say she would have stayed with Oscar if she had found Fenris again, no, she couldn't say she would have stayed with Oscar. "It's good that you are so good making assumptions about what I would have chosen," she mumbled a little bit, folding her lips again, moving her eyes to the side for a second. She however did turn her eyes back to him, as he said he had chosen what was best for him. Asking once again what she wanted. Not just in one aspect, not just from him, but from this life. "I -" she took a deeper breath in, not really knowing what to say. Melanie was either extremely calculated or rather impulsive, there was no in between. Melanie pressed her brows a little together, a bit conflicted about her own intentions. "I just, no it's stupid," she shook her head a little bit, folding her lips together refusing to look into his eyes for a moment, allowing herself to breath. Maybe she did know what she wanted, but she had a hard time allowing herself to know. Which only made this so damn difficult. "I didn't choose to get killed. I didn't make the choice to leave, to end things. I didn't get a chance to say my goodbyes or have any say in how everything ended, and - and... so seeing you, it just stirs up things," she turned her eyes back to him feeling slightly out of breath.

For a man that was angry, mad, upset. He was very good at letting her think about what she wanted to say, and how to form her words. He had let his grip around her wrist loosen. Kept his eyes on her face, waiting for some kind of understanding what it was that she sought here, from him. I thought he had made it clear that he believed when she had told that she hadn’t been given a choice. And that even though he might have had a chance when finding her again. He had made a choice to, to walk away and leave their life behind them in New York. When they still had been a happy family. He didn’t understand what relieving those days would accomplish other than another heart break. Because he wasn’t the same, and the things he did wasn’t something he wanted her to think about if she could forgive him for. Because as she had told him, he couldn’t assume what she would choose or not. It was him, that didn’t want her to choose. And still, even those thoughts kept creeping around in his head, he leaned down and placed a very tender kiss towards her lips.

It had been easier if she had chosen to walk away back then, even if he had walked away, it there had been closure and not this stupid hole of unsaid things and feelings. They had been wonderfully hidden, till now, till they had been dug up from the ground where she never thought she would see them again. Looking into his eyes, she tried to find an answer to his question, but her mind didn't give her anything to give, it was buzzing trying to but it seemed rather pointless to try. Despite her lack of words after, he didn't say a thing, and even more odd she didn't need for him to break the silence to understand he was just as round up by this as she was. The next thing that happened was perhaps the thing she had expected the least to happen, but the despite it she closed her eyes. She felt his lips upon hers in a tender moment that was enough to calm al her nerves down, Melanie gently kissed him back, feeing how the warmth returned to her heart. There were so many unsaid and untouched emotions coming alive for a moment, and she couldn't even begin to unwrap her mind around them, so she chose not to. She longed to place a hand on his cheek, behind his neck, pulling him closer towards her, but she didn't want to overstep.

Maybe it was just easier to give into primal instincts. Forget what was happening in the moment, let feelings overshadow the pain ant hurt in one’s heart. Knowing that after the kiss broke, that it might not chance a thing. Other than being alright just in the moment. But the kiss only reminded him just how much he had loved the werewolf. How devoted he had been to her, how he had gone against his believes when he had asked her to marry him. Just how much he wanted to do for her. The first house they had bought, the joy he had felt when she had told him that she was pregnant.

He let go of her wrist, and this time he let his arms fold around her waist, lifting her gently up placing her on the desk so he didn’t have to bend his back to much while kissing her. He let his hand cup her face, as he pressed himself a little closer to her. Daring to feel her, take in her smell and just let go of the voices in his head telling him that he was better than this. Because, he clearly wasn’t.

He freed her wrists, only to let his arms fold around her waist, allowing herself to gently place her hands around his neck as he lifted her up and placed her on the desk. Consumed by all these emotions that arose by the power of the simple and gentle touch, feeling his hands so tenderly on her face, only making her pull him closer towards her. It was like for a moment, this very moment the world could just wait for a little while, what they had been arguing about could hold wait for a moment too. Giving into your heart like this was dangerous, giving into the instincts and let the past disappear for now - at least in this treasured moment - after all, hadn't she always liked the taste of danger just a little bit? Melanie had no idea where this would take them, but she chose not to care, turning the voices in her head off and if there was anything the wolf within her liked, it was the familiarity of the demon's closeness and the need to be captivated by him. Melanie deepened the kiss, letting them get consumed in the moment.

He had no idea how they had ended up here, for the first time in a very long time, the demon didn’t have an answer on anything. Didn’t want to have the answer for what happened right now because it was nice. Not that he was going to admit it, but it was. It stirred up feelings in him, that he knew he would have to suppress later. But now? Not right now.

He pulled her closer, letting his hand glide over her legs finding the spot just under her knees. The other hand glided back up her thigh placing it around her grabbing her around her waist. After some time, he pulled away, letting his forehead press against hers. Their breaths mixing while he kept his eyes closed. What did one say now? Was words even needed, he wasn’t sure.

The slow burn from his touch that traced over her skin, reminding her of what it was like to be touched by him, being close to him again. And despite the years apart were many, she still for a second felt like it was just the day before. Then he pulled a little away, and she felt his forehead against hers. Melanie took a slightly deeper breath in, not letting go of him, she didn't want to let go - it was always the thing she struggled the most with doing. She felt his breath trace over her skin, as her lips desired to just move an inch and feel his again, but she braced herself - at least in this short moment she did. But her right now her mind wasn't what dominante her, it was her heart, her heart that had gotten a kickstart so crazy that she didn't even know where it had run to by now.  She didn't say a word, because no words were needed, it was just a million of memories flashing for her that reminded her of what had been - and while she knew what had been belonged and were to stay in the past, it didn't mean you couldn't create some sort of future, but honstly, she had no idea where they would go from here.

There was a small voice telling him not to hurt her. And he knew the words that would be said now, could hurt if she didn’t completely understand where they were coming from. Especially not after what had just happened. But he needed time, he understood now that feelings for her would never be buried and even if he wanted to. Something bigger than just them, would make sure they would meet up once more. He just wasn’t sure that he would be able to share her with anyone. Not like he knew he had too, as there could be more than one soul entangled in another’s. Maybe that was his biggest flaw, not being able to get over the feeling that no human was their own. Even if you wanted to trick your mind thinking that every action you did, wasn’t something that could affect another. It was just how big of an impact it would have, which always would differ. But every choice that was made, had a consequence.

“I still need you to leave” he whispered against her lips before pulling away. “Maybe you're right and this won’t be the last time, but right now, I need space and I need to get my mind straight” he took a step back, feeling how his chest rose as he pulled in air through his nose and as it left him again, he put his hands in his pockets. Feeling unnaturally awkward by the whole situation. Which wasn’t something he was very comfortable with. A man that almost always was in control.

She took a deeper breath by the trace of his breath dancing along her lips by his whisper, and Melanie opened her green eyes as he started to pull away. There was a desire in her speeding up, longing to reach out and pull him back close towards her again. But she didn't. Especially after he explained, not that he needed to explain, yet she was glad he did. Putting words in the air they breathed, as he took a step back. Melanie held her breath for a moment, not moving the first second, just observed him as Fenris placed his hands in his pockets. Melanie folded her lips together and took a deeper breath in. "Okay," she spoke as she breathed out. Then jumping gracefully down from the desk, looking towards him. "Till we see each other again," she took a deeper breath in, giving him a soft hence of a smile as she turned towards the front door. Perhaps now was not such a bad time to get her own mind straight.