Cause thoughts devour

How long had he been back now? A couple of weeks, mostly because of the many rumors being spoken in the corners of the world. Rumors about demons forming in or around Gaia, which was making him very concerned, one of his contacts had even let him to believe that the great Archangel Uriel had lost his memories, Eos had been taken by a demon and Chamuel had finally woken up from her long slumber. The contact hadn’t been very specific about how true these speculations were. But it was still cause for action. So, he had left his small manor that was hidden from the unwelcomed eye by the sea between Harwich and Colchester. After Elena’s death he had retreated to his old home and tried to figure out if what he had done had been the right thing. Guilt waying him down, almost making him question if he should just end his own life, mostly for the pure fact that he slowly realized that getting his grace back would never happen. And the woman that he had loved since Oliva, had died because of him pushing her away and not being there when she had needed it. Selfish of him really, as he wasn’t the only one grieving and thinking this.

Walking through the park he pushed his fingers through his hair that had become so long over the last year, down to his shoulders wearing a casual outfit with a blue blazer a grey t-shirt and blue pants. He wasn’t really drawing a lot of attention to himself besides the towering height, just as he was about to walk out of the area to grab himself a cup of coffee he looked up and the person that he saw, rooted him to the place. It couldn’t be, he was seeing things. Again. Even as the voices in his head screamed at him to move, told him that it was just yet one of his imagination. Hoping that she was really there, he didn’t move just looked at her as she started walking towards him.

Then she disappeared and he could breathe for just a second before she stood there in front of her again. “Bloody hell” he said with a low surprised voice as he took a step back. “Uhm hey?” he repeated back at her, just standing there looking at her. It was clear that he didn’t understand what was happening. “You are dead” he whispered shaking his head and took another step back. This was just a cruel trick of the mind. Elena couldn’t be alive, and she couldn’t teleport like that. There was no way, there was absolutely no way.

He took in a deep breath while looking at her, his head slightly tilting to the left as he didn’t believe her even as she said that she had been dead. How was she still here? That was when he noticed the subtle change in her aura, he had been so surprised to see her that he hadn’t even noticed it before now. The angelic glow around her body that almost burned him if he would step to close. The constant curse of being a fallen angel and no longer worthy of being near anything created by his father.
So, she had finally walked in the line of Uriel, her father that she still knew nothing about. Or maybe she did now that she was partly angel?
He didn’t answer her, he just looked at her like she wasn’t even real as if he didn’t quite understand anything that was happening in front of him at this very moment. He had been grieving and taken a lot of the blame of what had happened. He was even sure that there were people out there that was blaming him just as much as he did himself.
He almost stepped back as she took a step forward to him. Even if this wasn’t a cruel joke, or an illusion or even his own mind thinking all of this up. It would almost be worse if she were alive, why? He wasn’t entirely sure. But mostly because he had been so strong when he told her they couldn’t be together anymore, how was he supposed to be strong again? How was he expected to let her go now?

“I can’t” he whispered with a pained expression as she put out her hand, as he licked his lips, he took another step backwards and didn’t even want to look in her eyes as he turned around and started walking away from her. No, this was to much. This was more than he could bear.

The pain was all consuming and it was hard for him to breath properly as if every breath lit his lungs on fire. He needed to get out of here, and for the first time in a least a couple of hundred years he missed the ability to teleport. They he would have been able to just get out of dodge as fast as possible, running away from these emotions that was threatening to swallow him whole.
But alas he wasn’t that fortunate and before he could leave this painful memory behind, he felt how her fingers closed around his arm and pulled him back. He stood still, the feeling of the heat from her hand finding its way into his skin. Made him realize that this was real, she was really here.

You are not the only one this is hard on. He closed his eyes, she had no idea how hard this was on him, and of course he knew that it was hard on her too. She had been the one that had died, and now apparently come back to life. But he had thought for so long that she had been dead, only to figure out that she was alive and well? He didn’t even dare to look at her, as she spoke, because he could hear it in her voice that she had was crying.
Austin closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip. The arm that she was holding on to started to tremble as she told him that she would leave him alone if that was what he really wanted.
He slowly opened his eyes and turned his head towards hers and looked into her eyes.
“You can’t ask me to let you go once more” he whispered painfully; he didn’t believe there would be a world where they could be friends. Nothing more than friends at least. Maybe it was selfish of him, but what they had shared had been real. And his reasoning for breaking it off had been a real issue, but not one of a heart that had stopped loving her. Because he still did, still to this day when standing here looking at her.
So maybe it would just be easier to walk away. Everything in the end would be easier to just, walk away. But that didn’t mean it was the right thing.

The love he had had for the human, had been all consuming earth shattering and he hadn’t felt it like that since his wife. But the guilt had eaten him up, that the fact that he even had known about her existence had been because he had followed Uriel. And in his quest to either figure out if he wanted revenge for the fact that he had been punished but people like Uriel and Remiel kept getting new chances to do better. Or if he just wanted to get into the good graces of the archangels once more, it had ended up destroying their relationship because he felt like he had used her to some extent. Only to end up hurting her even more. The last thing he actually wanted. But he wasn’t the man for her, there would be someone better out there. But that didn’t mean that he liked the fact that he needed to turn around and walk away from what he felt was the biggest love of his life.

He had to close his eyes as her words hit him. Then don’t. He almost hissed at her that she needed to stop, but he held it back. Looked at her as she tried to explain that he had returned to their house only to see that he hadn’t been there anymore. His eyes took her in, while he contemplated on what to do, say or even act. He didn’t know, he just didn’t. He had gone through a lot of pain through his long life. He had been close to death. Felt heartbreak and every emotional agony. But none of it could prepare him for standing in front of the woman that he had loved that he still loved.

So, words didn’t form, because what could he say? Explain why he hadn’t been at their house? What would it matter, what good could it do? So he just looked at her, restraining himself from taking her into his arms and tell her that everything would be okay.

It took every ounce of self-control not to let his fingers glide over her soft skin and dry away her tears. It took all his willpower, not to let his arms fold around her slim frame and pull her close. Telling her that everything would be alright. hat he would be there for ever and always. But he couldn’t. how could he do that to her? He wasn’t hers anymore. He had broken it off just before she had been taken. Just before they had found her in the woods, killed.
How could he ever, ever, be that selfish when all he had ever done was walk the path of God? Being a righteous man, even as this didn’t seem righteous at all. He found it cruel and unnecessary. Was this just one of his many punishments? Now that she wasn’t even human anymore, half angel. He could feel how her presents felt burning towards him, like whenever he had near himself one of gods houses of worship build by men.

He had to take his eyes away as she told him that she was sorry. “You have nothing to be sorry for” he whispered, so low that he wasn’t even sure that his words carried enough strength for her to hear it. He closed his eyes, pressed them so hard together, to the point where it was almost painful. And as he opened it small white dots glided around for his vision.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you want you want” he finally got out with a little more strength than before; his chest felt like it was on fire for him suppressing the tears that threatened to spill. “It needs to be goodbye Elena” he whispered, finally daring to touch her letting his thump glide over her cheek removing some of the fallen tears.