Faith Declining

It hadn’t taken more than a few minutes from his return to realize that Zachary was gone. His phone laid untouched on the table with the display of missed calls on it, revealing that he'd not been home since yesterday. Michael was usually great at distancing his emotions from a situation, to go about things rationally, but there was nothing that could distract or soothe his mind from wandering into sheer darkness. This was the second time he’d failed him. The second time he’d vanished. The feeling of guilt and worry washed over him in constant waves, making him place a hand to his stomach as held a phone up to his ear. Calling the angel he’d instructed Zachary to contact if there was a threat, hoping that maybe he’d at least gotten to do that as he’d yet to figure out what had happened, but unfortunately the angel knew nothing about it. Michael was quick to send a search team out in the forest, having people covering the ground as well as the air for any sign of his son. An hour later, they’d discovered a paintbrush that he recognized, but there had been no tracks to follow. Meaning that it’d probably been a while since he'd disappeared. Michael had just been gone for two days. And he thought he'd made every necessary security precaution, without forcing him to stay isolated. Yet, it seemed that nothing he did to protect his family was ever good enough.

A few hours later, he was so drained from the searching and the accumulating thoughts, one worse than the preceding, that he had to go somewhere else. Putting his trust in the people who were still working on it, he decided to visit Daisy. She was someone else that he had entrusted Zachary to contact if he ever needed help with anything in his absence. And he knew that he'd grown to like her, probably even feeling like he could tell her things that he couldn't talk with him about. So, chances were she might have a clue to where he'd gone or where to look. Because right now he couldn't. His mind always just jumped to the conclusion that he was abducted by one of his enemies, just like most people he cared about had. Standing on her porch, he knocked on her door and inhaled a deep breath despite it doing little to calm him. But he just needed someone to talk to. Someone who knew Zachary and would understand.

The door opened and he must have looked dreadfully intense and distraught because she immediately caught on to it. That something was wrong. Her own expression turning serious. His throat felt dry, choking up his ability to say as little as a greeting. So, he entered the hallway in silence, swallowing hard as he looked towards the staircase, nodding subtly to her comment about her daughter being out. “How is she?” A bit of good news would be nice to hear at this point. Because he felt that good things were impossibly distant in his own life.
His eyes met hers, his stomach tightening. “It’s Zachary.” He knew that she would understand the fear and worry that came with the possibility of harm towards one's child, and her empathetic gaze only confirmed that he’d made the right choice by visiting her. He clenched his jaw, trying to suppress his emotions. “He is—” But it was as if he couldn’t form the words, still not sure what had happened to him. And it worried him. It worried him sick to think that he’d be gone for months again this time, enduring terrible ordeals because of his failure to locate him. He’d barely noticed how close she was until she felt the warmth of her hand around his arm. He sat back on the sofa in her living room, but his entire body radiated tension. “He is gone,” he finally said, staring blankly at a distant object. He was gone, and there wasn’t a damned thing that he’d done these past hours that had gotten him closer to where he’d gone.

“The last time we spoke was Thursday before I left for Greece. And we argued. I told him he had to stay but he wanted to come along. Heck, he’s begged to come along for months. And I’m afraid that he might have run away because of it. Because I believed he wasn’t ready.” He straightened his back, his energy too nervous to remain in the relaxed position. “And if not, something much worse has happened. The demons he’d escaped from could have found him or Maelle.” Or he could be dead. He could have been captured by Samael or any other person who was out to get him. Michael felt prepared for about every outcome because he’d lived through it so many times. He’d seen so much torture, pain, and death falling upon his family. And it was all his fault. He knew it was. But he wished that for just this once things were different. All he wanted was for Zachary to be safe. Because he did believe in him. He believed he had so much good left in the world to do, but if he wasn’t with them, the people who made sure he stayed on the rightful path of light, he feared the outcome.  
He turned his gaze to her. “I was hoping he had talked to you. Said anything that would lead us in a direction to where he might have gone.” If not, he understood. Zachary had only barely started to open up to him more, so he might have refrained from talking to other people about his personal thoughts. Michael was just happy that she was willing to listen to him regarding all of this. Because as most experiences and emotions went, he always bottled it up inside him. Most of the time not getting to process it. He always just kept moving on through it. But there was only so much his mind could take before the walls started to cave in.

She’s with her sister. The good news he’d expected to hear had suddenly turned to a much greater one. “You found your other daughter?” He understood how relieved she must be. For so long, not knowing where she was, who she was with, or if she even was okay. He was only happy to hear that she’d finally found her after all these years. But his mind was quick to turn the good news of her finding her lost daughter into the recent incident of his son being lost. It made him look down for a second, inhaling a deep breath to compose himself. The dread of everything that could’ve happened to him hit him. But he had to believe, to hold on to some faith of him being okay and that he'd find him soon.

He appreciated her telling him that he wasn’t gone. He knew that she’d have a better way of knowing this than himself. There were so many deaths that he could sense but he’d rarely been able to feel the ones of his own family, and he supposed that was because God wanted to spare him the grief and temptation to make a judgment that wouldn’t let them stay dead. He knew for a fact he couldn’t get himself to send Zachary to Hell after his death, even if that was what he was destined for. In many ways, he was much purer than Michael was. Because he'd killed many innocents, the first time being when he'd helped flood the world because God wanted to start anew and only have the survivors of Noah's Arch remain. Killing the rest of humanity because they were impure in his image. Zachary had just been unlucky. And so had many other fallen angels. Especially those who'd had their wings cut off by demons. He immediately felt a bit better at this knowledge, knowing that he still was out there somewhere and that Daisy would tell him if she felt him being close to death. He didn’t even question that she’d come to him if she sensed even the slightest of that sort.

A brief smile passed his expression as she mentioned them being out to buy painting supplies, truly grateful for her to have taken the time with him to do that. And he knew how much he loved art. He’d even considered the idea of getting him into the university to study art, wanting him to get a chance to live a normal life and get the experiences he’d been without for so long. “It’s okay.” Of course it was, but the alight hope he’d had was darkened that instant, so the words came out in a disappointed tone. He was back to knowing nothing about where he’d gone. Some of his initial thoughts having already been eliminated. The arm around him made his muscles relax slightly more, knowing that she was there for him and that she’d help in his search. He turned his green eyes to hers as she assured him that they’d find him. Spiking just a bit of faith and hope in him for this. And he needed that more than anything. He scoffed softly as she said it wasn’t his fault. It was almost impossible for anyone to make him believe that it wasn’t. “You know, I sent him on that mission last year, thinking he was ready, and look how that turned out.” With a son who was captured within his first few hours on Earth and a few months later had lost his place in Heaven. And although he knew that the demons were at fault, they’d not captured him so quickly if it wasn’t for them knowing that he was Michael’s son. If it’d even happened at all. “And now this… I just wish that he could’ve been left alone. That’s all I ever wanted for him. To just get past that incident and the experiences he’s had with the fallen angels and move on.”

It had been a detrimental miscalculation. One that never should have happened. It was the greatest reason why he couldn’t forgive himself for it. He’d been prepared for about every minor obstacle. But that - it was the worst thing that could’ve happened apart from death. There was no way for Zachary to rise from that. He’d forever be viewed as fallen in Heaven’s eyes. No matter the good deeds he did subsequently. But as all things went, there was always a risk for things to turn bad or not go as expected. He'd just trusted that God would have protected Zachary from such fate, knowing how much he'd worked to reach a job with more responsibility. Yet, he hadn’t been given much of a chance to achieve any of his ambitions.
“I know,” he said in a barely audible voice. Part of him wasn’t present in the room with her, but wherever his thoughts and worries took him. She was right, of course. There wasn’t anything they could do about the past. About that. “I just can’t help but question my father’s plans. He knew it was going to happen before I sent him, despite my prayers for things to go well... Yet he didn't give me any sign or warning. If I'd just known, I could've been there in those first few hours and made sure that he was kept safe.” He moved his gaze slightly to their hands before meeting her eyes. At least then, he wouldn't have been caught by the demons and endured months of torture. Nor would his mentor have died in his failure to protect him, being the only one who'd been with him. He loved his father and he prioritized serving him more than anything. So although he knew that he meant well, having to believe that to continue his work as archangel, it often didn’t feel that way. Michael had never felt that he’d been unjust to him. He'd always thought he deserved whatever punishment he'd been dealt. He just had an extremely hard time understanding why Zachary had deserved what had been brought upon him.

He appreciated her assurance. Her faith and confidence regarding finding him. It was something he lacked, mostly because he’d looked many months for his children in the past without luck. Malachi had only been found because he'd resorted to blood magic and Zachary was only found because he’d escaped the demons. So naturally, he worried that history would repeat itself this time. “It means a lot to hear you say that.” The faintest hint of a smile could be sensed in his eyes. Much could be said about today but having gone to see her was the only thing that had managed to ease him the slightest. “I've reported him missing to the police, so I'd appreciate it if you'd tell people to contact the station in Aston if they see or hear anything that might relate to his disappearance,” he said as he looked from her to the windows. He knew she'd spread the word in order to help him, and he hoped that if enough people were aware of it early on that it'd increase their chances of finding him.