Pesto Chicken Lasagna

Place: Aston, Raymon Street nr. 6
Date and time: April 2nd, 20:30
Weather: Raining
Outfit: Grey blue shirt and dark blue pants.
Dedicated to: @Seraphina

Ryan had gotten a phone, and mostly used it to communicate with Seraphina, but for some reason, she hadn’t texted him, nor replied to the messages he had written. He didn’t understand why Seraphina somehow just disappeared. She was using her phone so much and not even having one reply seemed weird. Therefore, now with a couple of days with no answers, he chose to visit the Nelson family. The house almost radiated with negativity the last couple of days. It all seemed so dark and he hadn’t really noticed any activity.


Tien stood under the shower, calming herself. Letting the drops of water hit her face with reality, or what was left of it. She exited the shower, dried herself and put on a simple layer of makeup. She was going out tonight. She needed a break from all of this sadness – except for the fact that she had been high at home. Being all dolled up and ready for a night out, she exited the bathroom and approached Seraphina’s door, standing right next to it. “I’m going out. There’s food in the fridge” she said. She stood a little while waiting for a possible response, before she went down to get her thighhigh, highheeled boots on.
She opened the door and saw a brown-haired guy, just about to knock on the door. He held some kind of box in his hand. They both looked somewhat surprised.
“Hi. I’m sorry to disturb you this late, but… Is Seraphina home?” Tien blinked a couple of times, not understanding what he was asking. She shook her head, changing her mind and nodding.
“Uh, yeah” she ended up replying.
“Can I talk to her?” he asked and folded his hands around each other.
“I don’t think she wa-” Tien tried.
“Please,” he almost begged. He knew something was up. It simply didn’t seem right, that she didn’t respond to her text.
Tien stood in conflict. She had to reach her train, to get to her party, but this dude certainly didn’t seem like he was going to leave – and his moral compass seemed to be good enough. He seemed to be really worried. “Fine. Come on in,” she said and opened the door for him.
“Thank you,” he breathed out.
Tien then showed him to Seraphina’s door. “Sera?” she tried, hoping for some kind of response. “You have guests,” she said softly. Whether or not if she replied, Tien looked at the brown-haired man with a ‘I tried’ look. Tien then left, leaving him with the problems.

As soon as the door closed behind Tien, Ryan breathed out, looking around the home, standing in front of Seraphina’s closed door. “It’s Ryan… I got something for you,” he confessed to the door and looked at the container in his hands. “It’s homemade,” he teased, hoping that she would come out.

Outfit
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It had only been a while. But it felt like an eternity. Seraphina had spent most of the time after everything in her room, sitting in the window looking up at the sky. She could only pray that Remiel and Azrael had taken good care of their mother, and hope at some point the guilt would leave her small figure - but it only seemed to grow. She appreciated Cecilia and Lucas coming over the last few days, even if she didn't talk much to them, it was nice having someone there. Sera? She turned her head towards the door. All color had left her face, and she had finally run out of of tears to cry. She frowned a bit, guests - who would come to see her? The only people who had managed to get Seraphina out of her room for at least a few hours - to the living room, and one time outside the front door was Tien, Zad, Cecilia and Lucas. But they were also the only people she had seen since. She hadn't really spoken since. It was like she had lost all words since saying goodbye to her mother.

It’s Ryan… I got something for you, she took a deeper breath and felt her heart skip a few beats ahead. Seraphina closed her eyes in a small sigh, as she swung her legs down from the window and placed her feet on the ground. Her stomach complained as he mentioned that was homemade, she had barely eaten anything that had been served for her. With heavy steps she moved closer to the door and reached carefully for the handle - it wasn't locked. Seraphina closed her eyes shortly and took a deeper breath in. She opened the door and let her red and tired eyes meet with his. Her looked far from as confident and cheerful as she usually did. There was no sense of joy or happiness in her eyes, they just looked deadpan. Seraphina couldn't even get words over her lips, but she made a nod for him to follow her down to the living room. She could feel her lips shivering as she took a deeper breath in. Her legs felt so heavy and it was like she could collapse every second, but she made it to the living room - no word spoken, and the heavy sadness just filled up the entire space. The walked further to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "I have pepsi max - is that okay with you?" She finally spoke, the first sentence spoken in days, and it was clear how hoarse her voice was. It sounded like it would crack any minute. She took two cans out and closed the fridge again. She couldn't even force a smile on her lips if she wanted to.

On top of this entire thing, him showing up reminded her of how much pain she had caused him. This major amount of pain she was feeling, pain she couldn't even put into words. She had caused him that. She had caused his family that, and if her eyes hadn't run out for tears to cry she would have cried again just by the reminder. But she couldn't there was no tears left. Seraphina walked slowly to the table and placed the cans on the dining table. Plates. She needed plates, and she looked like her mind chaotically tried to find out how to even make everything work. She managed to turn around and go over to open the top shelf where the plates weren't really placed in her favor, as she could barely reach them even on her tip toes.

Ryan stood patiently and waited, having no idea of what awaited him. It felt like eternity, waiting outside her room. He could smell how she approached and heard how she carefully put her hand on the doorhandle. It almost seemed like she had to find courage to open the door. As soon as he saw how she looked, it was more difficult to keep a smile. He couldn’t lie and tell her that she looked nice or fresh, because she knew very well herself. From experience, he knew, that when you cried that much, you knew you weren’t the most attractive person. From seeing himself in the mirror, and his own siblings when they had lost Romeo, he knew that this was something in the same category. Something tragic had happened. If he hadn’t been carrying the food, he would’ve hugged her. The overall happiness that she usually carried in his presence wasn’t there. “Hi,” he said, not expecting anything in return.

He took a step back, as she nodded towards the kitchen, so she could get out and he could follow. As she walked in front of him, he tried to figure out what was going on. He could see how her steps seemed heavy and tired.
They finally reached the living room, and he placed the warm meal on the table. Everything except for him and the meal seemed so cold and empty. He looked around, picking up the first impressions. The place looked nice, compared to the fact that they had only just moved in a month ago, or something like it. He looked towards her, as she mentioned soda. “It’s perfect,” he replied, pulling a slight smile, even though it was clear on her voice that she had been crying a lot. He felt stupid for not reacting earlier to the fact that she didn’t respond to his messages. Seeing her like this made him feel bad. It seemed like, even though she had probably cried her heart out, she was on the ledge to do it again.

She took two cans from the fridge and put them on the table. It seemed like her world stood still for a moment, and he wondered if he had to say anything to ‘wake her up’, but suddenly she moved like a robot towards some cabinets and opened it. From where he stood, he could see that she wouldn’t be able to reach them, unless she was going to crash all of the plates. “Let me,” he offered with a soft and gentle voice and placed an insisting hand on her shoulder, before he reached up and took a plate for each of them, standing quite close to Seraphina. He didn’t really think either Eden or Kemuel wanted any, since it was late – after all, he had made the dish for her. He placed the plates onto the kitchen counter, before he looked over at her, pulling on a gentle, slightly worried, smile. What’s going on? No… Don’t feel like talking? No… Your home is nice. No… Cat caught your tongue? No…

“Come here,” he said with a low voice. If she let him, he would gently pull her closer into his embrace. He didn’t have to ask questions, to know she was hurting, and he knew by his experience, that sometimes an embrace would comfort one. Anger, sobbing, silence and opening up; he was ready for whatever – or at least that was what he believed.

Let me, she breathed out like as if a huge burden just had been lifted from her shoulder - at least one of them. The hand on her shoulder, seemed to bring her somewhat out of the zombie like nature she had placed herself in. The first day, if not also the second she had been on the floor in the room unable to move. Her entire body was hurting, and she had no idea how to navigate in all this hurt and guilt. It seemed impossible, endless as no matter where she looked or turned, she couldn't escape the hole in her heart - everything was just pitch black. She just starred at the plates he placed, following his movements. It was not fair. Nothing was fair. How could he be the light in her darkness, when she only had been giving him pain. So much pain, and he didn't know. He didn't even know how much pain she had cost him. "I..I - Sorry," she couldn't even find her words without it sounding like she was going to completely fall apart. Her entire body was ripping itself apart inside, and everything just seemed to never being able to make sense again.

Come here, she didn't even look at him, but she let him pull her into the warm embrace. His embrace felt so welcoming and comforting, and she didn't deserve it at all. She didn't deserve him comforting and giving her peace. But she couldn't help but just selfishly wrap her arms around him. "It's because of me..." She closed her eyes and let the guilt overflod her, "everything is because of me.." she buried her head close to his chest, holding him a bit tighter. He was the only thing she right now was holding onto, right now the only one she had spoken too in days. "She is gone," she gasped for air shortly, as her heart once again crushed more and more. "My mum is gone." She felt so weak, and hadn't it been for him holding her she would most likely had fallen to the floor, as her legs refused to carry her.

She apologized, but what for? He had learned the hard way that she couldn’t do anything about her height, and it was no problem for him to help her getting the plates.
He felt her arms wrap around him and he gently let a hand stroke her hair. Not that he knew what Seraphina liked of comfort, be he knew by himself, that it was very welcome. She started blaming herself, but he didn’t want to interrupt. He knew how feelings were all over, and nothing really seemed to make sense. One’s mind would trick one to think the most mysterious and obscure things. Ryan had even blamed himself for the death of his brother.
She buried her head into his chest, and he did his best to hug at least as tight as she did, even though he didn’t wish to hug her too tight. She is gone. The word could mean a whole lot, but by the way Seraphina acted, he knew that this gone was meant as a: gone for good, and not coming back. Very slowly, he let weight shift from one foot to another, as if he was cradling her. He could hear how she was gasping for air once. My mum is gone. Now he knew who was missing and he tightened the grip around her just a bit and let his chin rest on the top of her head. He could feel how her legs didn’t seem to carry her much and did his best to let her support herself towards him. “I’m here,” he whispered to her, continuing to cradle her. He continued with the slow and swaying motions, gently stroking her hair once in a while. “Do you want to sit down?” he asked calmly, thinking whether or not if he should listen to her answer or not and if he should lift her up and sit on the kitchen counter or down by the table. First named seemed like the way he could comfort her the easiest. If she confirmed that she wanted to sit, he would say nothing, but put her on the kitchen counter. If she complained or didn’t want to, he would lower himself, “It wasn’t a question,” he would say before he could lift her and place her on the kitchen counter.
He would place a hand on each side of her and look her in the eyes. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m certain that it wasn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault, okay?” he said and let a hand stroke her cheek, remove any tears on its way. “Can you promise me, that you won’t blame yourself?” he asked and tried to keep eye contact.

I’m here, his words echoed in her ears. He couldn't be. It wasn't right. Nothing was right anymore. She didn't listen, her mind so fixated by the fact that he was here and she didn't deserve that he was here. Seraphina took a deeper breath in, trying to get herself together. Why did the world have to be so messed up? Was this some cruel joke for making her pay for her sins? Seraphina didn't fight back or resist as he lifted her up on the kitchen counter. Her teary eyes locked onto his, there was so much guilt in those green eyes of her. So much sorrow and confusion. Everything was just so messed up, and she had no idea were to begin to even sort it out. It isn’t anyone’s fault, okay? She took a slightly deeper breath in, if only that was the truth. If she could just blame anyone but herself, things would be so much easier - but she couldn't. It was her fault. It was her paying for what she had done. His hand stroke her cheek, making her blink a few tears out - if he only knew, then he wouldn't be looking at her like this. Can you promise me, that you won’t blame yourself? Seraphina shook her head. "I can't, because I am who to blame," she then spoke again and took a slightly deeper breath in. "You should get far away from me.. trust me.. you don't want me, I'm bad for everyone," she confessed in a lower voice while looking into his eyes.

All this pain. All this chaos and destruction. Seraphina longed to feel something else other than this, this version of herself that couldn't let go of all these dark thoughts and the sadness. Everything just so overwhelming and painful. "I can't take this pain anymore Ryan - I.. I can't." He was warm, he was the sun and she was the cold moon - longing to feel just a little warmth. Longing to matter again, to be someone - something again. Her heart skipped a few beats, she didn't deserve him - but she wanted to. Was it so wrong for her to want something? She never asked for anything.

Everything in her eyes truly showed him that she was hurting. Grief was alright, but it should consume one Ryan had learned himself. He couldn’t continue to be sad about his brother’s death. He had to move on – and once in a while, when the memory of her brother popped up into his mind, he occasionally let himself grieve – but not for long. He was a man after all!
Somehow, he believed that her taking a deeper breath was a sigh that she was trying to collect herself, at least that was what he hoped for. Grief didn’t suit anyone. As she shook her head, he pulled on a crooked smile, not really satisfied with it. I’m the one to blame. It almost stung in his heart to hear those words. She really did believe that she had been the reason for her mother’s death. He really wished that he could knock some sense into her mind. I’m bad for everyone. “Stop that,” he said slightly harshly. He took the phone he had gotten recently up from his pocket and placed it on the kitchen counter next to her. “Why would you say such a thing? You’re helpful, sweet, smart, sensitive and loyal,” he said. The phone on the kitchen counter was only to underline the words he had described her with. The phone was a proof to all of that.

I can’t take this pain anymore. The words were alarming and he immediately, with not much thought, threw his arms around her in a tight embrace. “Don’t -” he mumbled. “Don’t ever leave,” he begged almost out of breath. He was afraid that she was thinking about taking her own life, so she wouldn’t feel anymore pain. She had been the reason why he had kept his head this high and had helped him move on – without her even knowing. She had been the light in the end of the tunnel, and it ruined his hope to see her light flicker, threatening to go out.

His voice more harshly. Finally. A tone she actually deserved, it didn't even shock her. However it only lasted for a short moment of time, as she once again had bowed down to the pain. He held her in a tighter embrace, and then from the waves of pain seemed to stop for a while. Just for a little while. Don't ever leave.. all the things he said about her. It wasn't true. She was a monster, she was evil, she was a horrible person, nothing like the person he had described not long ago. "No... No I can't do this," her ability activated pushing him off her, and everything around them away from her. She took a deeper breath in and looked at him. "You need to hate me!" She jumped down from the counter as she looked at him. "Hate me.. Please.. just hate me," she couldn't take all this. He shouldn't care about her, it was wrong. He couldn't possibly care about her if he knew the truth. Seraphina was so boiled up with everything and she was burning out. "You should hate me.. I hate me. Why can't you just hate me too.." Her powers made it for a small moment impossible for anything to even come close to her, pushing everything that was at least two steps from her away. She had barely realized the plates had been pushed to the floor, shattered into pieces all over the kitchen floor.

She took a deeper breath in finally just gaining control over her powers again. No one had been angry at her, no one had yelled at her and said what she had done wasn't alright. Everyone had been so nice and understanding by the fact it was an accident. And it was. But why were they giving her such sweet time about it? It had only caused pain. Every breath she had taken after she had killed Ryan's brother, someone had been in pain, every time she blinked another heart ache seemed to roam in the air and she couldn't help but feeling like big butterfly effect.

It was like a bubbleshield around her pushed him away. There was no way he could hold on to her when she used her powers like that – even if wasn’t on purpose. Anything else in the room had also been pushed away. You need to hate me! The words cut deep, but he wouldn’t listen. “No!” he protested. He couldn’t hate her. He watched her as she jumped down from the counter. All of her just roamed that she felt guilty. She didn’t deserve this. He wanted to help her with getting rid of the guilt – whatever it would take. Smashing porcelain with a baseball bat, talking, a nap… Anything.
Please… Just hate me. he shook his head. “I can’t,” he said. He could recognize the pain from his siblings. They had all been reacting differently. He could even see himself in her reactions. Everything was too much and the loss of her mother had been the drop that made everything overflow.
As she started telling him, that she hated herself, he tried to take a step towards her, but was only pushed back. He heard the plates falling to the floor, shattering. He almost tripped over his own feet, as she tried to find his balance from the push. “I have no reason to hate you!” he said and tried to keep his eyes on her. As the pushing feeling seemed to disappear, he reapproached slowly.

Couldn't he just.. why couldn't he just hate her. It would make everything so much easier. Easier if someone, anyone hated her. She needed someone to be mad at her. Why couldn't no one just give her what she deserved? Was it so hard? I have no reason to hate you! The words hit hard, and it was like she didn't even know how to react to them, so she laughed shortly. Just shortly, because it was so far from the truth. "You have every reason to hate me! "She replied in an almost scary natural voice. It wasn't sad. It wasn't frustrated, but the tears in her eyes almost screamed to just explode out of their hiding spot. "I killed him," she then said and could feel the world around her just stopping. It stopped and she could swear even her heart refused to beat. "I did it. I killed your brother," Seraphina hadn't even put those words in her own mouth till now. She had only realized it seconds before she had been running away, which was another chain reaction that had ended with her mother dead. Seraphina took a deeper breath in, she knew it could sound like someone she made up to force him to hate her right now. But it was far from something she had made up. "He scared me.. and," she looked down at her slightly shaking hands, feeling how the words almost tried to break before she spoke and her lips shivered a bit. "I lost control.. I didn't mean to.. but - I'm sorry Ryan.. I am so sorry." Seraphina took a deeper breath in and looked back at him. "So, yes.. you have every reason to hate me. So please.. hate me."

He frowned lightly as she said he had a reason to hate her. There was no way in this short period of time that there could be any reason for him to hate her. I killed him. The frown grew on him, not realizing who she spoke about – and even if he knew it, he was certain that she would just be blaming herself again. It was probably just that; blame and guilt.
I killed your brother. It was like a knife was pierced through his heart. Not by the fact that she said that she had killed him – but actually mentioning him. “Don’t say that,” he almost sneered. He didn’t believe it. She was just making stuff up to hurt him so he would hate her. He wouldn’t let her down that easy.

She looked down and started explaining. Why didn’t she look him in the eyes while she told him this pathetic lie? He noticed how her hands were shaking and the frown disappeared. No, it couldn’t be. She didn’t want to look into his eyes because she really felt guilty. She blamed herself. His chest seemed to get lighter – but only because his heart seemed to be shattered into pieces and his breathing shallower.
He shook his head in denial. How could this sweet little thing have killed his brother? Not that he underestimated her, but she was way to kind. How could she have been walking around in his home without breaking? He pieced as much together as possible and was soon within an arm’s reach. He shook his head lightly, “That’s not enough,” he said. “You said so yourself; You lost control… You didn’t mean to… And you’re sorry,” he repeated her words. “I can’t hate you for something you regret. Something that was out of your control,” he said. If she let him, he would slowly let his warm hands meet her arms and lastly pull her in for a hug.

That’s not enough, she lifted her eyes up meeting his. Seraphina took a deeper breath in, why was he so bloody understanding? He repeated this words against her, which made her recall what had happened that night. Ryan wasn't the first to tell her this, and he surely wouldn't be the last. But he was the one she'd been needing to hear it from. She hadn't known when she first met him, if she had known or realized it, the angel would had handled this differently. Seraphina hadn't even begun to think about how she had been invited into their home, she had talked with his other brother, seeing his sisters even talked with his parents. The touch of his hands on her arms, pulled her back to reality. "I am sorry," she mumbled almost breathless into his chest, before allowing herself to close her arms around him. She needed to calm down and she allowed herself to breathe and just listen to his heartbeat. His heartbeat calming her nerves, not that she believed she deserved it this. She didn't deserve this, but he was giving it to her anyways. His heart was so pure and too good for her, and it was selfish of her to take it in. The pain in her body was gone, the confession and lashing out for him to be mad at her had removed the grief for a small second. She could actually feel her own heart trying to beat in sync with his again. Seraphina listened to his breathing and mirrored it. "Thank you for being here," she whispered on her next exhale. Her emotions were all over the place, but the yellow beast of guilt seemed to give her a break, just a little break - having a werewolf to chase off the monsters that came for her was maybe not the baddest thing.

“I know,” he replied calmly and felt how she let her arms round him. His breathing was controlled, slow and calm. It wasn’t like he had learnt anything smart from any courses or researched for methods to calm down. He wasn’t really the person who googled, being the biggest reason. He learned from experience and logical thinking. When you’re scared, angry or just all in all filled to the brim with bad emotions, you simply forgot to breathe properly. It would be fast, interrupted and shallow. So naturally, if you wanted to break that pattern, you had to be slow, thinking about your breathing and breathe deeply.
“I’m glad I’m here,” he mumbled. He didn’t let go of her unless she either pulled back or forced him to let go with her powers. “But Phony?” he asked calmly. If she looked up at him, he would look down at her. “When did you last eat?” he asked calmly. It wasn’t because he wanted her to get her mind onto something else, but he was generally worried that she hadn’t been eating in all of the time that she hadn’t replied his messages. After all, he had brought her favorite dish hoping that if he had made some kind of mistake, that he could make amends – but now the dish had another mission; to make sure she wouldn’t starve herself, feeling full of grief.


“What about you sit down and I’ll serve some for ya?” he asked, sending her a slight smile. If she hadn’t really eaten and protested about letting him do the work, he would smile teasingly at her. “It wasn’t a question,” he would say before he would squat down so he could lift her and walk over to the table to place her on a chair. He still had shoes on, so he didn’t need to think about the shattered plates. He would fix that later.

He was glad he was here, and she wasn't going to debate him on if he was sure about that. Not now at least. She didn't push him away, she had already tried with everything she had to do so. He was like a mountain, unable to be moved so she had given up on that. To be honest, she was happy that he stayed despite everything, even in all of this she was happy that he didn't treat her differently. It was her heart, her heart knew how she cared for him and clouded by the grief and guilt, it hadn't been able to feel anything other than that till now. Her eyes moved up, metting with his. That nickname, it never failed to make her lips pull a little smile. When did she last eat? Bless Cecilia and her cooking skills and overall just being here. Making sure none of them starved. "I've been eating.. Cecilia has been here ever since that night," she nodded a bit completely forgot that he didn't know who Cecilia was - but right now it didn't matter. "She is a really good cook as well." Even if she hadn't been able to speak for days, and barely moved she had eaten.

Ryan's next choice of words made her raise her brows a little bit, he didn't really need to serve her. He was a guest in the house after all and he had brought food over. Seraphina spread her lips a little to protest, but before she could do so she was stopped by that damn teasing smile of his. It wasn’t a question, she took a deeper breath in and was about to at least try protesting again. This time he picked her up, which made her lips escape in a small laughter, "hey," - she couldn't even remember the last time she laughed. The laughter faded a bit, but a tender smile remained on her lips as he sat her down on the chair. "Point taken," Seraphina took a deeper breath in and carefully just let her eyes take him in.

Her smile let him know that there was hope somewhere. Yet, she wasn’t completely lost in the darkness. She had been eating. Someone she knew had made them food; which was quite good. If he ever met this woman, he would thank her for being there. What a mess it would’ve been if Seraphina had to deal with all of this alone – of course she had his twin and her big sister, but when everyone was grieving it could be difficult. Shortly he wondered why the big sister had been wearing a dress that indicated she was going to the town. Was it a way for her to cope?
She was a good cook – “Good,” he said. Seraphina had been served some food, but she hadn’t really replied when she last ate – clearly it was way too long ago for her to remember.

Her laughter made him laugh a little with her. Even though it faded, he still felt like it warmed up the room. It wasn’t that cold anymore – but it wasn’t good enough. He didn’t want to leave before he knew she was going to feel better and not surrounded by darkness. He sat her down, squatting for a moment, looking at her with a smile. She blamed her elf too much. Point taken. He pulled a bit more on his smile. “Good,” he said before he straightened back up. “So… How much do you want?” he asked as he backed his way to the kitchen counter; keeping an eye on her, just in case her smile disappeared or something alike. He himself did his best to roam good and warm energy. If she seemed to feel worse when he backed away he would walk back to her.
If she seemed to be doing alright with him backing away, he would turn to take new plates and ask for the drawer with utensils before he would bring everything back to her and sit down close to her before he would serve her some – more than she had asked for.