The end of the ride?

Her fingers slowly caressed over his chin as he moved her hand towards it. Her eyes were locked on her own fingers instead of his eyes, as every part of her being was screaming after his own touch. It was funny how quickly feelings could change, how she wanted to run away from herself and everyone to that she wanted to feel how his lips would feel against her. And the panic feeling spreading through her, that if she would let herself go there, just the mere look in his eyes would break down the Beaver Dam. Break down her last defense against letting anyone close again, her hand left his cheek and fell against her folded legs as she tried to breath in, what now? What was she supposed to do now?

With a long and deep breath, she finally let their eyes meet again; “Yeah, so, here I am” she said, she knew that her words didn’t make a lot of sense. But the always chatty woman, had suddenly abandoned her; fucking hell.

“So yeah, yeah maybe it would be good just to lay low – ehm, yeah…” she stood up, feeling like if she let her cross that line it would compromise everything they just manage to connect again. “I have a job in moonlight falls here next month so.. there is that” god damnit woman, you cant just go from vulnerable talking about how you got tortured, like it was a god damn wardrobe malfunction! But what else was she suppose to do? The Soul demon didn’t do emotions, she didn’t do love, she didn’t – “I was falling in love with you and the scared the crap out of me – ” horror grabbed her eyes as she realized what she just had said and a nervous laughter started to escape her mouth “Fuck – Im a bloody mess” she grabbed the bottle from the coffeetable instead and started chucking down the alcohol “Ill buy you a new one” she exclaimed and started walking around contemplating if throwing herself out of the window was an option, while drinking straight from the bottle.

There was a quote, I rather be left behind faceless and faded.
And that was how Elena always had seen herself, as a faceless being that would just disappear in the shadows not leaving anything behind to follow. She came, she took and then the demon was gone again. That was how she survived, that was how she stayed alive for such a long time. And now it seemed that the disconnected lifestyle that she had been living slowly and steadily was catching up to her, and she had no were to hide. The only thing she could do was stand headstrong as the howling wind would mercilessly attack her body and soul.
She heard what Jack told her, every word was so clear as the ice that could emerge from his fingers. But she did not want to hear them, or did she? The flask in her hands was still steadily going from the loose grip by her leg, and up to her mouth until that was not much left. Alcohol had quickly become a fast way for her to escape everything she had done in her past. Unlucky for her that meant that she needed more than just what had been left in this bottle.
Even though she had figured it out, the words leaving his mouth made something hard grab her stomach as she looked up. Her eyes were blurry from the tears that threaten to leave them again, and had he said that outload, this reminding of a god damn Greek tragedy she would have started laughing, only because it was correct. Funny how she always tried to avoid these emotions and confrontation, but here they were.

She looked down as hold his hand out to here, a lifeline for her, more important that he would ever now and scarier than the notion that the mob was after her. It was like it happened in slow motion, as she put down the whiskey and let her warm hand glide into his colder, making every hair strand on her body stand up. For a time, she just stood there in his embrace, her eyes closed, and she buried her face into his chest under his collarbone. After some time, she finally breathed out, smelling the whiskey that formed around her lips and nose. “So you loved me huh?” she asked with a small smile on her lips and pulled out of his embrace, just far enough so she could look up towards his face.

The feeling that started spreading through her body was like wildfire, and she tired so desperately to hose it down with water. Loved, past tense, not anymore. But the way he fiddle with her hair, the look in her eyes made a pool of warmth taking hold of her body. This was bad, very bad. So she just stood there, not knowing what to say or do, just being in the moment of him so close to her. Who would know when this would be over again, and the only thing she could do was just taking it in, storing it in her memory so she would always have it close to her; When a person made time for her, even though she hadn’t deserved it.

She smiled and nodded slowly; “Yes I heard, the small bird has flown far away from the nest, or something poetic like that” she laughed, not for long though as her eyes still just looked at him. Feeling the pull in every muscle just give in.
And she did, her arms snaked around his neck and pulled him down towards her, even though it meant she had to get up on her toes. “You’ve come so far, for that lost boy that didn’t know what to do” she whispered, and closed her eyes, letting her head lay in the crook of his neck.

Elena closed her eyes and just took in the feeling, no one had skin like Jack, where most would radiate warmth – there was this coldness that covered his skin, but the feeling was so soothing as if the mere touch had a healing effect, a nice cold shower after a very warm summer day, that was his skin was like. You’re in to deep now Alhers, her voice whispered ever so slowly, as she hugged him closer into her arms and then the panic started to spread in her body. It started with her heart, and like black strings forming and taking over her body. But instead of letting it take over, and push her through that door, she instead pushed a small kiss towards his jaw her eyes still closed. Her hands she put towards his chest and slowly pressed him a little back so she could she him again, she slowly swallowed and took a depth breath.
“Where are we going from here?” she softly whispered, without breaking eye contact. The darkness trying so fiercely to take over her body, was only slightly shown in her eyes that wavered a little bit. Her fingers moved from the chest up towards his jaw and caressed like it would break if she was to rough. “I’m, just so afraid I will hurt you again –” knowing very well what she wanted herself, what it was that she needed, so long since she last had given in. But her own fear was holding her from taking the next step.

Something gripped the demon when she her those words; I forgive you. She didn’t deserve it, but suddenly she wanted to strive for more than just being alone. Strive to make it up to him and show him those words meant everything to her.
It took her back to when she had been a little girl, sitting with her bible asking her father what she could do, to come closer to god. And in the start, they had thought that it was a sign to god, that she had started crying and feeling pain in her body, as she was the new Prophet. But as time went by, her genetics, was her greatest sin and something that she should be punish for – being locked away for years and years, not even her screams would let her back out. Until her magic had become so dark, so twisted that the whole church had been enslaved in her nightmare.

And here was her salvation, her guiding light standing right in front of her. Another being created from hate and dark energy. Maybe he understood her better than she ever could understand herself. “No” she whispered, and like a magnet was pulled towards him, her hands that glided through his hair and drew him closer. Their lips collided, finally and it felt like; magic.
She pulled away just a little to catch her breath “I will make it up to you, I promise you” she whispered before kissing him again. A promise from the demon was a big thing, as she had never said those words before.
Elena Ahlers never promised anything to anyone.

Nothing mattered anymore, there were only them back in the world and she was begging in her head that this moment would never end, never stop, continue out in eternity. And for the very first time, she didn’t mind it, she didn’t mind the warm feeling mixing with her beating heart that were beating for him, for this moment.
She chuckled lightly as he whispered that they should do this more often; “I agree, lets always do this-“ her eyes slowly opened again and took him in, “So much for trying to not fall in love” and this time, she didn’t accidently say them, she meant them as the warm feeling blossomed in her chest as she felt his fingers glide up her body and take her cheeks in his hands.
When you leave someone, you never start over, you just unhit the pause bottom. And that were what it was like that they just started from that day. What would have happened if she had gotten him out, no one could answer that; But for what it was worth Elena didn’t want this moment to end, ever.

She kissed him again after his words, just quickly before talking again “Thank you, I would like to stay then – since I’m staying, could I take a shower?” she asked and her one eyebrow slightly lifted, she needed to get out of her makeup, out of these clothes and just – relax, that was what she needed. Then she had to call Jessica to get her to drop of her things for her to collect, still needed to finish some things up before the job would go down.

Whatever she wanted? The smile became bigger, as she looked at him watching if he realized his small mistake, giving a demon like Elena free range was never a good idea, maybe that was why she in the end always ended up with someone that took the reins, or wasn’t afraid to tell her off when she did something that wasn’t okay. Else, she would roll someone over like a steamroller.

“Anything?” she said and put her hand on his chest and gave him a small wink. She kissed him quickly on his neck, before turning around and walked over to her bag she had with her. She took her laptop out and started looking for fresh clothes – which wasn’t a lot to be honest, the motel room she had rented had taken her stuff out of the room and sold most of it, before she had gotten away from Borys, luckily her laptop had still been there – but it had cost her to get it back, more than she cared about.  “Do you have some clothes I can borrow?”


“Jack?! A towel?” she hid behind the curtain, her body had been worse than she fought. Bruises covered her whole body, scars from the knife that had cut down her delicate skin. And of course, she had to forget the most important thing – a god damn towel, and the last she wanted was him seeing her naked body for the first time, looking like shit, or well - at least covered up a littlebit.

She put her arms around her skinny body, as he knocked on the door and let her know he was coming in. He was much more, polish could she use that word to describe him? He had always been too good a person for this world, but that was what happened, hanging around with criminals was just like gum, when you first stepped in it you wouldn’t be able to get it off again. She shallowed as she saw him moving around and nodded as he told he was going to put it on the sink; “Thank you” she popped her head out to look at him walk towards the door, grabbed the towel and swung it around her body before she stepped out the shower – “So be honest, how horrible does it look?” she asked, and turned around “can’t really see my back” her voice was light, as she tried to make joke out of it all. Even though there was also a slight tremble, for the keen observer to hear.

Some of the torture she had not been aware, that gas he could produce always knocked her out. This time she could remember more, which she wasn’t sure was worse. Before it had just been glimpsed when people came to close, touched her on certain places on her body. But she had felt the lashes down her body, when she had soaped herself in – but she slowly turned around. “Seeing more skin than last time huh? Should consider yourself lucky! Now it’s not my best asset, but you know – it’s – it’s” her eyes wandered to the mirror, the water had taken of the rest of her make up, and her throat was covered in blue, yellow and green colors, the same under her cheek bone – her whole body was a fucking painting of those colors. And it rendered her speechless, she looked, horrible.

“Well, say something or I’ll believe you don’t like what you see” her voice was trembling as she put on her fake smile, and tried to look over her shoulder to see how he was looking. Her eyes moved from over her shoulder to the mirror again and saw him looking at her there. Small shocks exploded under her skin, his expression almost took her breath away and silenced her.
His fingers slowly moved her hair, and for a time she almost forgot to get oxygen down in her lungs, eyelids closed, and she just stood there grabbing the towel around her body. Droplets of water slid down her legs and made a small pool around her feet, but she didn’t put much mind to it, he was so close; so close.
Her breath hitched as she as she felt how he removed his shirt, the sound of fabric leaving the body made her tense up for just a second. Flashes of what Borys had done to her started flashing against her will, suddenly it felt like no time had passed by them. She was ten years back again and she ran out the door hyperventilating because he had touched her jaw while kissing her. This time she stood still and nodded slowly as he said he could help her. “You already are” she whispered still with her eyes closed, she couldn’t help herself and leaned back into his embrace. The cold washed over her, and she gasped that slightly resembled a moan. Good thing she actually liked the cold so much, all of the aches started to disappear as the colorful paintings from a fist disappeared. But as the cold continued cursing through her body, she could feel how her breath became like frost in front of her. The towel started to freeze around her, and even as it started to become too much, she didn’t want him to let go of her. Just one more moment, but as all other things it had to come to an end and his arms removed them from her slender frame.
Slowly she moved towards him, so she had her front towards him.
“I wish –“ she bit her lip and pressed her eyes together, her head slowly moved down. Both her hands were turning white has she grabbed the towels fabric once again. I wish that I wasn’t this damaged, that I didn’t hurt you the first time – that it was the first time someone had done something like this to me. There is so much I haven’t told you yet..
Unsaid words, and she just wanted to be someone be great, be infamous and ride through the times without feeling anything about anyone. And when she had felt something, she had run off instead. Like the coward she really was.
How she just hoped to take it all back, but she couldn’t - she would never be able to undo what she had done. It hadn’t only been Jack she had left behind, Victoria too – how could she even, believe things would be all right now?
She started seeing black spots around her vision, and how her throat started closing, fingers shaking, knees getting weak.
Her hand grabbed out and got ahold of the sink, something to solid that could keep her from fainting on the bathroom floor. Just to give her a sense of control over the situation. Her deep blue eyes finally looked up, what had she done? But she had made a promise, she was going to make it up to him, to all the people she had let down. All of them, even if it was the last thing she did.
She pushed herself away from the sink, and both her hands put themselves around his neck not worrying about what would keep the towel on her body anymore.
“You, just you - are making it better again” she finally got out, before she pressed her lips against his. Please never leave me, soon you will see the mistake you made. And then, are you still going to choose me? I wouldn’t, there is better people out there for you.

Sometimes not saying anything, said everything. Unspoken words, transformed to an action a certain way of touching, sometimes the most powerful thing a person could do was not saying anything at all, and Jack mastered that. The care that radiated from his eyes fill Elena to her core, she couldn’t remember if anyone had ever looked at her like that, which scared her so much. Because what would happen, if he one day didn’t look at her like that anymore? No, she wasn’t about to let that ruin this again, she wanted him, and she was willing to take the leap once again, to commit to both making up for what she had done, but also never letting him down again.
As his hands glided down her freezing and bare skin, she let out a small moan through her nose.

Her eyes slowly opened, as he broke the kiss and let his nose touch hers, it was amazing how his embrace both woke all those memories in her that just wanted her to run out the door, but also inspired the feeling of her being safe – safer than she had ever been.
Her deep blue eyes, took him in studied him, wondering what he was thinking about and what he really wanted. “It’s okay” she whispered as she felt his cold breath hitting her lips, as they slightly parted. “I’m done running from this” as she said that, she pressed her body closer to his, if it was even possible and kissed him again, with a fiery passion that hadn’t really been there before, as if she had hold herself back for whatever reason, and finally letting herself go.

All thoughts were pushed out of her mind, as she just followed her body’s instinct swept away with how he took her in, how he was holding her like there was nothing that could stop them now. What would happen after, how people would react and how hard it would be to, come back from this, all of that there were no trace of in her mind, there was only him and how much she had missed him. The touch, his lips even as there wasn’t the same hesitation as there had been before.
She ripped the towel of her, as it was starting to annoy her, keeping her restrained in her options on how to move.

Her arms snaked around his neck, and with an agile jump she got her legs around his waist, there was not much from thought to act any more. But as small drops of doubt started to infest her minds again, her hands glided through his hair she pulled him a little back, to break off their kiss. “are you sure?” she managed to say between deep and shallow breaths, as if she had been running nonstop for minutes. She didn’t know why she stopped it, that she allowed herself to think when she knew this was what she wanted, but was he sure that he wanted it too? Or was this more, a spur of the moment thing.

She could feel how his chest rose and sank. It was a brief moment of bliss. But Elena knew it would not last, reality would come crashing down on them both. But for now, she just wanted to be in the moment were all was good. She had never let anyone this close after Calvin. After all that had happened over the years after her husband had just up and left her. But she had never felt this safe before either. Her fingers glided mindlessly over his cold exposed skin, still with her eyes closed. Could they just stay like this forever?

Her blue eyes open, as she felt how he shifted in the bed so he could see her better. Her hands grabbed the cover and pulled it up to hide her exposed skin. At first, she just looked at him back, took in the silence at it was loader than any words could ever been. What did this mean? She took a deep breath and breathed out. She had so many things she wanted to say. So many words forming sentences in her head. But none of them could really convey how she was feeling. “I don’t do this” she finally said “I don’t let anyone this close, is what I mean” she whispered and sucked in a breath “Or that is a lie, I did once for a very long time ago. When I commit like this, it’s because I – want to give them everything in my power, when I first commit I give them everything. But I also know what I did, and this is selfish to come back. So, if this, was just a onetime thing, because you have scars that I made, and have people around you that I hurt. Just tell me” she whispered, feeling incredible vulnerable all of a sudden. What had she done? Her fingers started to move into her har anxiously, as her eyes didn’t really know where to look. Would she ever learn?