World of sadness - Nathaniel

Kenna had stared the texts from Nathaniel. He needed to talk? They haven't spoken for months. She had barely seen Ellery in that time. He was always away working and Nathaniel was to drunk to be what she needed him to be. She couldn't blame him for that, but she had so desperately needed someone. Spencer had been dealing with his own and she couldn't exactly talk with anyone from the pack. She had gotten away from the house and was prepared to walk down their, but when she saw the weather she changed her mind. Instead she ordered a cab that could bring her so close, she would only have to walk a little bit to reach the house.

On the ride there, her mind was racing. What did he mean that Ellery was gone? Had he gone back to France? Was he not coming back? Had he left her? She was not at all prepared for the truth. However painful, being broken up with was far easier to deal with, thant what actually happened. She paid the driver and hurried towards the house. She knocked on the door and waited to be invited in, before she went inside.

"What is going on?" She asked looking around the place. It didn't seem that different, but it felt different somehow. Something was missing. She didn't mean to, but she picked up on Nathaniel's emotions. They were strong and confusing to her. Her heart was beginning to beat faster. She was getting a real bad feeling. "What happened?" She asked in an almost whisper. She was trying to calm herself, but she was so sure that whatever Nathaniel was going to say, it would hit her hard.

It all felt so empty. His mind, his home, his body. It felt numb. For months, he had tried to hide away behind the veil of alcohol and smokes, but it had done nothing for him. it had only prolonged the suffering he was about to inflict on Kenna, as well as the pain he had to face himself. His brother was gone. Whatever had happened between him and Spencer seemed of little to no importance, as Spencer had done nothing to reach out to Nathaniel afterwards either. It all seemed so… fake. Plastic.
He knew Kenna wouldn’t want to talk to him. He had left her in a critical state to be taken care of by his ‘mother’ - all the while he was banging her friend and leaving for France the next day. Not a word had he left, hinting of his whereabouts. He felt almost criminal for doing that to her. And now, he had to tell her that the man that wanted to marry her and take over the world with her was gone as well. He had texted her, telling her that Ellery was gone and that he needed to see her. She hadn’t accepted to actually showing up, but he hoped she would. Then, as she knocked on the door, he froze. What should he tell her!? He hadn’t thought it through, and yet; he felt his lips forming the words ‘come in’; his voice sounding through the house.

He was wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt and glasses, as he had been trying to adjust his eyes slightly after weeks of an alcohol-soaked liver. His head ached; he was nauseous and terrified… and there she stood, asking what was going on and what happened. He couldn’t answer; he simply looked at her before he closed his eyes, as they started to sting with treacherous tears. ‘’I… I don’t know…’’ he said; his voice inches from breaking like fragile ice on a lake. He clenched his jaw to prevent the trembling of his lower lip; but failed. ‘’It’s all wrong… Everything is wrong…!’’ he said as he removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb, just to hide the tears in his eyes. One thing Kenna could never have been doubting was that Nathaniel loved his brother dearly - to the point of shielding him from harm in any way possible.

Kenna tried to not blame anyone for having to deal with what was going on in their own lives, but she had also felt so alone, abandonded even. And now that she was standing face to face with Nathaniel, he wouldn't or couldn't say what was really going on. But even if he didn't tell her, she knew it was something bad. Something affecting him to the point of tears, or almost. How his voice had broken like that made her limps feel numb from the pure terror of what could have happened. She walked over to him and watched him for a moment, wondering what she could say or do. She gently reached for his hands and locked her fingers around it. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to," she assured him. She wanted to know, because their lives was so intertwined, it would without almost certainity, affect her as well. But he was so broken up about it, it would be cruel of her to ask him to say it.

As she took his hand, she sensed something. There was nothing. There was no Ellery hidden away inside his mind. There was just emptiness. And the overwhelming sadness she felt from Nathaniel, how empty he felt, it overwhelmed her. She let go of him and covered her mouth with her hand. "He isn't... He can't be." She felt herself break down, how everything just fell apart. Even through everything, she had Ellery. And maybe that was why she hadn't told him everything, because he seemed happy, and she would hate to ruin that. If he wasn't happy, then she couldn't be. He was the one thing in her life she had to look forward to, the thing that got her out of bed. Now she had nothing. A strangled sob left her lips before tears started to fall down her cheeks. She couldn't look at Nathaniel right now. She would only see Ellery if she did. "No..." She sobbed. It couldn't be true. She wouldn't allow it to be.

Oh, how it ached in his core when she tried to assure him he didn’t have to talk. He wanted to; he couldn’t. he had treated her so ill, only to be the one left alive in the end. It wasn’t fair. He was trembling, as she took his hand. He knew what was bound to happen; she would know. He wanted to pull away; he wanted to shield her and tell her that it’s all a bad dream - but he couldn’t. In a feeble attempt to gather some sensibility, he put on his glasses once more while she tried to get a sense of herself. His eyes burned from tears he now had to ignore, as he knew the need to take care of her was greater than his need to mourn. As she had chosen to avoid looking at him, understandably, he moved up next to her. They now didn’t have only a lost child to mourn, but a shared lost love. With little to no warmth left in him, he placed his arms around her; keeping out of her peripheral vision so that she wouldn’t have to face the face of someone she had just lost. He had to deal with that every time he looked in the mirror. She shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate.

‘’Pardonne moi…’’ he begged in a slow whisper, knowing that even his voice would surely be painful to listen to. He should just have stayed away and allowed her to move on without them - but he was greedy… He needed her in his life - they had been a family almost, after all. ‘’ Ça aurait dû être moi,’’ he sighed, knowing that it was no help to her that he begged for forgiveness or said that he should have taken his brother’s place. He didn’t even know how it happened - they had spent decades trying to figure out how to be separated, only for this to happen once they decided to live with each other completely… it wasn’t fair.

Kenna didn't know how to handle this. Ellery had been such a big reason she had stayed here, that she had tried creating a life with him. She had found happiness after so much pain and fear. And now she was right back to that same place she had been this summer. Alone, scared and in pain. She was considering just leaving. She had to do something, something else than staying her feeling so helpless. Spencer was dead, Ellery was gone. She really didn't have anything left now other than her pack she had to lead and her family she never saw. And then Nathaniel she hadn't seen in forever. She couldn't exactly say he was still in her life, however much that pained her. She felt his arm around her, and she just fell into his embrace so naturally. She just needed to be held.

His voice was at one time very calming because it was just like Ellery's, but at the same time it was breaking her heart when she remembered it was not him, not the man she had fallen in love and wanted to start a life with. She didn't know what he said, but it didn't matter, she just stood there, her eyes getting wetter by each spoken word. She tried to stop the sobs that seemed endless. "Why..?" She asked, not directed at him. Just at life, at the universe or who else decided that stuff like this should happen. How was it fair that she lost another person she loved so much. "I-I can't.." She removed Nathaniel's arm and took a step away. She should go, run. But where would she go? "Are you... How are you?" She needed to focus on something else, it was how she survived all of it. If she didn't have to focus on herself, on her own feelings, she could get herself through so much. She had proven that to herself.

He knew his words were little comfort for someone that didn’t speak French, but he had no other way of telling her how he felt. She was also the only one beside him to know about it. He hadn’t even told their mother, as she expected her sons to return from France next week to attend an important meeting.
Her endless sobs pushed him to the edge of collapsing, but that would do her no favor. She needed him to try to at least be somewhat stern and steadfast in this, so she had someone to lean on. Her question made him look down at the floor, even though he knew it wasn’t him she asked. Quite quietly, he answered with a sigh, as he knew just as much as her why.

Then, she pulled out of his embrace,leaving him feeling just as empty as before. With his arms falling down his sides again, he simply looked at the floor while she asked how he was. He shook his head before looking straight at her; his multicolored eyes dull and slightly swollen from the many hours of tears streaming down his cheeks.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I really would know.” He answered, trying to mask the brittleness in his voice. He moved over to the joined kitchen and grabbed yet another beer from the counter. He didn’t even bother to chill his alcohol anymore. The counter was filled with a mixture of liquor bottles, beer cans and ash trays filled to the brim with burned out cigarettes; smokes he would lit and simply leave in the corner of his mouth, forgetting to actually smoke them until they died out themselves. The door to the terrace was opened ever so slightly, showing that he had no consideration for the cold outside. He just needed the air.

“I... I’m sorry I left.” He then said, looking at her once again, before he took a massive gulp of his beer. “I hope Vivil didn’t force you to be in bed for too long?” He asked, trying to focus on something else than the fact that they had both lost someone dear to them. In honesty, he wouldn’t ask twice if she decided to leave and never contact him again. He had not treated her that well, considering that she was his brother’s girlfriend...

Kenna felt how her eyes were burning already, and she knew that wasn't going to change anytime soon, but she didn't want to. He deserved to be cried over. She shouldn't lean on Nathaniel like this. He had lost him too, and it was maybe even more painful for him. They had shared a mind, a body. They had been together forever. She hadn't even known Ellery for a year. She was being unfair to him. He needed her more than she needed him.

She gently lifted her head to meet his gaze. She felt her hands tremble, but she kept looking at him. "No, I can imagine." She watched him as he went over to the kitchen. She took a few steps in his direction to stay close with him, but not too close. She wiped away her tears and folded her arms around herself, not because she was cold, but because she was protecting herself this way, wrapping herself away from the world that had only brought her pain and suffering. She couldn't be happy. The world wouldn't allow her. She was sure of that now.

Kenna bit into the inner part of her lip when he apologized. "No, she let me go a little later in the day," she told him. She was trying to be strong, to not break down in front of him, but it was so hard. She could almost feel her body giving up on her, making her crumble. "You don't have to be sorry. We had both lost something that day." She took another step towards her and leaned again the kitchen counter. "I try to come up with an explanation to why this is happening. I just can't handle all this being random." She folded her hands in front of her. "How can you ever get over something like this?" She so hoped he had a way considering he was so much older, but she wasn't counting on it.

His breath would have revealed it before she even considered asking - he had been drinking to forget and numb everything again. Underneath the t-shirt, he was beaten; blue and dark patches showed how he had been roughed up more than once. Anything to numb the feelings.

Kenna followed him, but only a few steps. Did she try to keep her distance for him or for herself? With her arms around herself, he looked at her with his multicolored eyes. He wanted to say something, yet all he could think to say was that he had not tried to figure out what he was feeling; he tried to hide from the feelings.. but he didn’t want her to know.

‘’good,’’ he said as she stated Vivil allowed her to leave later that day; imagining how Vivil would be hesitant to allow Kenna to leave when Nathaniel had not agreed. As Kenna stepped closer, only to lean against the counter and tell that they both lost something that day, he looked at his beer. He had tried to forget about the fact that he had lost the chance to be a dad for real. He hated Nate for ruining that. ‘’Life is random…’’ he sighed, trying to hide the fact that his voice was so brittle that it would snap any second. ‘’I’ll let you know when I find out,’’ he said; feeling his lower lip quiver before he took yet another sip of his beer. He closed his eyes. ‘’Perhaps this was what the curse was about all this time?... I took someone he loved from him, so she took the only person I loved as revenge..’’ he sighed, still keeping his eyes closed. Of course he blamed himself; who wouldn’t?

Kenna had learned to control her abilities for the most part. Especially emotional situations for her made it tough for her to stop herself using them. And then sometimes, she was so overwhelmed with emotions, she couldn't possibly take on others' as well. This was one of those situations. Even if she tried to catch up on Nathaniel's feelings, she would fall short. Her mind would fry if she attempted to do that. And she didn't want to know unless he told her. He was entilted to that privacy, especially now.

Kenna could be very persuasive when she wanted to be. It was only by making a deal to check in with Vivil daily and contact if something happened, she was allowed to leave. "I'm not convinced it is," she stated with a sigh. If it really was random, why did good people have to endure so much pain and loss. She looked over at him when he spoke about the curse. "Whatever the reason, he is gone now. Obsessing over why will not do any of us good." She took in a deep breath. "You don't have to be alone with anything anymore Nathaniel. I still care about you. I might need some time, but I want to be someone you can trust. Because he wouldn't want any of us to be alone." She almost started crying again, but she swallowed them. "Do you have anything stronger than that?" She nodded towards the beer in his hand.

He knew it wasn’t fair to talk to her about this. She had just lost her boyfriend; he had just lost her brother. Weeks before this, they had lost their child. He was devastated.
Her words made him clench his jaw. He didn’t even look at her; he felt the powerlessness consume him as he looked at his beer. ‘’Why do you speak like you know what he wanted for me? He loved you. He cherished you, much more than he cared to admit. Me? He wanted to see me suffer with every chance he got. It was his way of being…’’ he said, as he reached for the bottle of kalua. He placed it in front of her before he placed his beer on the counter and reached for two glasses for them to drink from. He poured the shewolf a drink, before he poured himself one as well.

‘’I do have to be alone, Kenna. I have to soak in this nightmare of a life I’ve placed myself in. I should have been long gone; dead centuries ago. Instead, I’m here, looking at the woman that is left behind by my brother.’’ He said, before he lifted his glass. ‘’I’ve just lost my child and my brother. I’m not in the mood for explaining’’ he sighed, before he emptied his drink down his throat. ‘’on the slightly brighter side, now you don’t have to lie to anyone about the former pregnancy.’’ He said with a sigh in his voice. In honesty, he dreaded returning to the estate and explain that he was the heir to the whole thing. If he did, his mother would without a doubt force him to marry some siren…

‘’It’s a mess, huh?’’ he sighed, as he poured himself yet another drink, trying to drown the thought of the Circle; marriage; Kenna being left alone… ‘’I’m sorry,’’ he said. He didn’t know why he said it, but it was true. He was sorry; for everything.

Kenna swallowed at his words. It was true, she didn’t know much about their relationship. She knew it was strained, that they had not always acted fairly towards each other, but she had never learned the details. ”You’re right, I didn’t know.” She took the glass when he had poured her a drink. She took a small sip of it. He didn’t want to explain. ”I’m not asking you to. It’s me. I’m worried about you. Worrying about you or anything else really, it makes it easier for me.” She didn’t have anywhere else to go. ”But I have lost too. I have lost everything here. All that’s left for me here is you and the pack. And right now I just need to be somewhere, where I don’t have to take responsibility.” She should probably tell him about Spencer. He had been gone a while. Maybe Nathaniel didn’t know it all. ”I should have told him,” she said and sniffled. One of the things she regretted most was that she hadn’t told Ellery everything. ”We both made mistakes,” she said and downed the drink.

She thought back on that party Spencer had invited her to. How everything had gone so fast she could barely wrap her head around it. She rubbed her forehead. ”Spencer died,” she whispered. Not many knew exactly how important Spencer was to her. He was like a brother to her. She truly didn’t have anything left with him being dead. She didn’t know exactly what went on with Nathaniel and Spencer, but she gathered they had some sort of friendship.

(Jeg skriver fra tablet med et engelsk keyboard, så kan ikke bruge de tegn jeg normalt bruger. Erstatter dialog tegn med et eller andet random, så bær lige over med mig! Tidus bruger min pc )

He looked at the werewolf, considering if he had been too harsh on her. After all, she had lost someone dear to her as well. He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around. It was unfair of him to try and make it all about himself, which he had understood by the way she and declared that he was right. As Kenna explained that she needed something to worry about instead of handling herself, he nodded. He knew the feeling, as he had done the same back when she had told him about the pregnancy. -So,- He said, looking at his drink. -My mother is going to force me to get married. You want to worry about that instead, then be my guest.- he said, shrugging as he knew it was no choice. He had no option to leave, as he was the only heir left.
He knew it wasn’t fair to present the situation like that either, but he was at his wits end. Kenna then told him that she thought she should have told Ellery about the pregnancy. Nathaniel remained silent, as he knew he was going to have to tell her the truth sooner or later. She downed her drink, only to proceed with telling that Spencer had died. He looked down at the floor, clenching the glass in his hand while he closed his eyes. -I’m so, so sorry, Kenna...- he said, knowing that his apology was little comfort. He sighed, as he fear her reaction from the statement that was to follow. With a deep breath, he managed to gather the courage to tell her what really happened with her boyfriend...
-He knew...- Nathaniel sighed, shaking his head. -He... I didn’t want to tell you. Nerobel left a message, saying that you left Vivils house. Ellery saw it before I managed to delete it, and called Vivil while he pretended to be me. She told him everything, which set him into a rage. He wanted me out, so he could beat me up for real, and... you know how that goes - only one body equals a lost soul if he tried to split us.- Nathaniel said. It wasn’t fair to tell her like that, but it was the closest thing to the truth. Unwillingly, he had killed his brother. He felt sick by the thought.