It Will All Be Painfully Clear Soon Enough

It was around that time of year again. Christmas was slowly sneaking up on her and she wasn't ready for the emotions it held. The future was changed back to how it was supposed, her parents were no longer dead - but she still remembered every moment of watching them die. Reginald had died and even through he came back, him being gone for months - it had made an empty and dark void in her heart. She was still recovering from losing her dragon heart, but keeping herself busy, it usually helped. Right now she was just watching people walk around looking at the small Christmas marked. People walking around with their families. It was then she saw a familiar face on the streets this cold end of November. She remembered he only had his sister left, and from what she understood from Mariella - Dylan was off at the moment. Anastasia walked over to him and gave him a warm smile.
"Hey Dean," she hadn't spoken to him in months. But she knew that Reginald had killed the werewolf's father, and she had been so busy with other stuff to say or do anything. "Not in the Holiday spirit?"

It had been a long year, but at this point he’d occupied his mind so much with work and school that he had to look twice at the Christmas market in front of him. He looked around at the many people, how excited and content they seemed, wondering how that must feel. He reached the Christmas tree in the middle of the market and looked up at it for a moment, until he heard a familiar voice and saw Anastasia approaching him. “Hey Ana,” he greeted, honestly surprised to see her, especially considering that they hadn't left on good terms some months back. She’d said some mean things to him, things that he knew she didn’t mean, so he was happy to see that she was back to her normal self. “Is it that obvious?” he asked with a faint smile on his lips. Then again, he rarely had a happy expression on his face, and when he did, it never lasted for long.

He thought most of the future kids had gone back, but he guess she had a reason to stay behind. He’d heard that Reginald had returned, but he wasn't aware of the details surrounding it. He still had a hard time seeing Reginald as anything other than the guy who murdered his father. “It's been awhile... How have you been?” he asked, sincerely interested in her wellbeing. He knew that she’d been through a lot, considering the events Mariella had told him about.

"I know a sad face when I see one," she chuckled a little as she breathed out. Despite needing to breathe, she took a deep breath in. He asked her how she'd been. And there was a lot more than she wanted to admit.
"Well, despite turning my emotions off and then on to face the guilt. Losing my brother again for months.. not being able to find peace with my guilt since I couldn't find him or safe him," she moved her eyes over at the marked. Looking into his eyes would mean facing the fact that she felt like a failure. "I just survived having one of my two hearts ripped out of my chest.. and I thought I was going to die. And I lost track of who I am," she just needed to be honest. Needed to admit to herself that she had lost track of the person she was before she got here. Before she was tortured back in 2040 and before she lost everything - got everything. Her mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
"I guess we are all just lost right now - some more than others," she sighed and turned her dark brown back and looked at Dean. "I'm sorry for everything I said and did that day. I should have been stronger and not given in to turning my emotions off. Everything would have been better than to go into that dark place," she admitted shaking her head a little to the sides.

"How are you holding up?" She then asked. Anastasia knew she wasn't as close with him. But she knew how alone you could feel when you lost your family. It could lead down a dark path of pain and loneliness if you weren't careful. Ana didn't want that for anyone else, however, it wasn't her choice to make.

It was easy to imagine all the sadness she’d seen the past months, but it was all supposed to be over now, right? He looked at her when she talked about feeling guilty, feeling the same way about his father’s death. She believed it, that she could’ve done something, but at least Reggie wasn’t dead. He narrowed his eyes in a confused expression when she talked about getting a heart ripped out and almost dying. “Wait, what?” he asked, not understanding what she meant. He didn’t even think vampires had hearts, but she had two? And who would rip anyone’s heart out in the first place? Especially hers.

Lost was a good way to describe it, but if that was true, it should mean that they’d find the right path again. Dean wondered when that would be. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. He appreciated her apology, but he'd never blamed her. Nobody would act out of love or kindness without their emotions. “I understand why you did it,” he said, looking a bit at the tree. He understood why she wanted to feel nothing in that moment, and it seemed like she’d learned something from it. “Are you still living at the mansion?” he asked. He hadn't visited the place in many months, but he remembered that's where they met for the first time.

Then she asked him how he was holding up, making him forget that day for a moment. “Fine,” he replied, however it didn’t sound as convincing as he wanted it to. “I feel like I’m always trying to distract my mind… Being alone is never a good time for me,” he admitted, looking into her brown eyes. It was in those moments he wanted to drink to forget, and that wasn't a place he wanted to fall back to. “Other than that, I'm just looking forward to going to Spain for the holidays,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Would you want to grab a drink or something?” he asked, putting his hands in his pockets as it started to get chilly.

"It's complicated," she sighed. She was still healing, and even for a vampire some of the doctors worried about just how damged her nerve system could be. However, Ana didn't want to worry anyone - so she just went on with it. Anastasia didn't doubt he understood why she had done what she did, she wondered if he had had the same option - would he had done it? Would he have turned off the pain? "I do... not that I stay there so much. Walking around there, just makes everything worse. I guess I'm too scared of conflict to stay."

As he replied to her question, she lifted a brow as he said fine. She knew it couldn't be the truth. Ana wasn't here to pressure him to chat with her or anything, but she was lighthearted and always wanted the best for others. So she payed even more attention when he confessed how he was feeling. She could relate way more than she liked. Anastasia folded her lips as he looked into her eyes, it was a hard conversation and she hoped their someday soon would be nicer things to chat about. She chuckled a little when he said he was going back to Spain for the Holidays. "That sounds nice," she smiled a little and tilted her head to the side. The vampire nodded when he asked if she wanted to go grab a drink.
"Yes please," she had spend to many nights dancing at local bars to forget reality. However, she knew that type of distraction would be over ones Reginald came more to himself.
"I know just the place. Come on," she grabbed his arm with hers and walked over to the closest bar on the street.

He shifted between her eyes when she said it was complicated, not going into details about it. He was curious to know more, but all that really mattered was that she was okay now. He nodded quietly when she said she didn’t stay at the mansion that much. He couldn’t blame her for that, especially with everything that had happened. “I understand… sometimes I wish I could just run away from everything,” he admitted, looking from her to the many people at the market. If he didn’t have the determination to finish school and a pack that depended on him, he’d probably already done it. “Have you ever been to Spain?” he asked, thinking that she’d probably been to many places outside of Gaia, considering the fact that she was a princess.

He smiled widely when she accepted his offer. “Great,” he replied, looking down at his arm as she grabbed it and followed her to the bar. “So what are you doing when you’re not at the mansion?” he asked, genuinely interested in getting to know her more. It’d seemed like they could relate on many things, much more than anyone he knew at school. When they went inside, he ordered a beer by the bar before he looked at Anastasia again. “Do you ever miss the future?” he asked, tilting his head slightly.

She smiled when he said he sometimes wished, that he could just run away. The smile was sad, but a part of her was happy that she didn't seem to be alone with having these feelings. Fighting the urge to just run was hard, but she worst thing was; that she didn't even know where she would run to. His question made her tilt her head a little to the side. "I have, but never for longer than a few events and then on the plane back home," she confessed with a little shrug. Anastasia had been to more events than any of the others, mostly because the others had borrowed her as a royal face in their children's absence. "I would like to go on my own terms one day," she added shortly after.  

Anastasia took his arm and followed him to the bar. She was used to this scenery but the difference between the past and the future was, here she could just be herself and let go. "Back in the future. I was studying medicin. So I got a part time job at one of the hospitals here in Gaia," she looked over to him. Anastasia knew it was weird not only for a vampire, but for a princess to study medicin. "Or I'm out. Keeping myself busy was my best way to deal with all this shit," she chuckled a little, shaking her head before looking into his eyes again. Anastasia looked over at the bartender, and ordered a martini. His next question made her head turn around and frown a little. No one had asked her that question before.
"Honestly?" She took a deep breath in and folded her shortly, "I don't." She blinked a little and tensed her jaw a little. "After everyone left, it was Valeria, Lucia, Sophie and I. I was just us," she grabbed a piece of her hair and ran to fingers around it. "I lost Jasper.. I lost Sophie, or so I thought. We lost everything. So I cam to change that. I changed it, but I still remember everything of it. And I think its because of the experiment I was exposed to when I first got here," she took another sharp breath in and looked down at the table in a few seconds, then at their drinks as they got delivered. Anastasia took it and looked back at Dean. No one talked about what she had been going through before coming here or after. Of course she had talked with her brother, but others didn't care. They cared about what she was doing and not how she was still dealing with it. "I don't know if I want to go back. I mean, now that Lion and Jasmine are back and tells me everything is fine in the future. Does that mean I can be happy?" She frowned a bit, "because what If I don't have to worry about everything anymore and I stop.. and everything just comes tumbling down? I don't think I would be able to survive that," she said breathless and took a mouthful of her drink. Anastasia had never been more truthful about her feeling towards anyone in a while, mostly she felt like he could follow her feelings a great part of the way.
"Sorry, that was rather melancholy."

He nodded to her answer about Spain, hoping that the holidays would help him forget everything that had happened. Inside the bar, she confessed to studying medicine and that she was now working in a hospital. A truth that surprised him because of the fact that she was a vampire and probably had many responsibilities as a princess that required much of her time. “I’m impressed,” he admitted with a short-lived smile. She liked helping people and he valued that. He hadn't heard of many vampires like that. “Perhaps you're trying to make donor blood more accessible for vampires?” he asked, genuinely interested in what she thought about this. It wasn't a secret that donor blood was expensive, meaning that many vampires attacked innocent humans instead.

He looked at her face as she seemed hesitant about her answer to his question, clearly surprised to hear that she didn’t. He slowly ran his fingers down his glass before he took another sip, listening to her. Honestly, he was quite relieved to hear that she wasn’t in a hurry to travel back. Some part of him believed that you couldn’t change your fate and even if you tried, it would still lead to the same in the end. He had to believe that after his first love died, to stop blaming himself for not saving her. “Experiment?” he asked, not knowing what that was about.

He looked into her eyes with a sympathetic look as she continued explaining her feelings. He understood that it was complicated and that perhaps things would be easier in this timeline, but truth was that neither of them could be sure of that. He chuckled when she said she was being melancholic, then he turned to look away from her and at the bartender preparing drinks. “Don’t be,” he said, letting her know that he didn’t mind her confiding in him. “I know it’s selfish, but I guess I’m just hoping that some of you decide to stay,” he admitted, explaining the reason for him asking about the future. After all, he shared experiences with them than no one else would understand, but most of all he was tired of losing. Melody, his father and now Enid. He shook his head lightly, taking another sip of his beer before he looked at Anastasia again. He wished he had an idea to cheer her up, but it was hard when you felt like nothing did.

She took a sharper breath in, as she remembered not everyone knew about what Kol had done to her. Anastasia had never really explained it to anyone before, only in short sentences to Jamie - more in anger. "Yeah, this psycho Kol. He kidnapped me when I got here, before I even got a chance to show my face to anyone," she nodded a bit, almost missing the feeling of her former beating heart speeding up in a time like this. "He had a cursed dragon heart of some sort.. that he placed in other side of my chest," she swallowed and moved her eyes away, folding her lips before turning her eyes back to Dean. "But vampires heal quick, so you don't see the scars.. which perhaps is a good thing. I don't want to be reminded of having my entire body ripped apart.. but from that, to getting the heart ripped out again," she shook her head and licked her lips. "It just seems like all that pain was for nothing." Anastasia tilted her head a little to the side, letting her big doe eyes look around. It wasn't a subject that she was comfortable about, but she was also a social person who just spoke about whatever. "But I am fine. I have to be right?"

Some people would have thought of him as selfish for wanting just a few of them to stay. He had made friends and no one could tell what those years apart would do. He would always remember them unless he was compelled not to. "I don't think that is selfish at all," she confessed and frowned a bit. "You have made friends here. Besides, it would get kinda boring here without us here," she lifted up a little smirk on her face. Anastasia took her drink and drank a sip. "I don't know man. Maybe we were meant to come here to stay? I lost everything in my time. I'm tired of defeat," she sighed a bit to herself and looked over at Dean again. She didn't understand what it was, but there was something about Dean that she could relate to. It was like they spoke the same language without even trying.

He placed a gentle hand on her arm as she revealed a psycho had kidnapped her, doing what sounded like a twisted experiment. “I’m so sorry, Ana,” he said with a sincere voice, looking into her eyes with compassion. He had no idea that this had happened to her. He tilted his head slightly when she played it off as something minor, saying that she’d healed quickly. “Is this, Kol, still after you?” he asked with a worried expression, hoping that he’d met his end. The last thing he wanted was for him to find her again. He followed her gaze around at the people in the bar, nodding quietly to her last sentence. She was very strong for expressing herself the way she did, and for a moment he felt like he was a weak wreck in comparison. Then again, fine wasn’t either good or bad. It was a neutral state, maybe her way of saying that she accepted the past and wanted to move on. He looked back at her when she said he wasn’t being selfish for wishing that they stayed. “It would get extremely boring,” he agreed, trying to smile but it was half-hearted. “Yeah… but either way, I’ll understand if you choose to go,” he said, taking another sip of his beer. She could start a new life here or go back to the old and familiar. Who was to say what the right decision was? “All we can do is take it one day at a time and hope that we’ll win something for once,” he said, sipping more of his beer.

The last thing she wanted was for people to worry about her, she was used to deal with stuff alone. It was what she had done before she even got here. Even now, with Reginalds state of mind - she didn't want more to set him off by telling him that she wasn't alright. Anastasia closed her eyes. "Honestly, I don't know. I don't think so. I was only in use to him because of the heart - so unless he wants to place another in my chest.. I think I have a free pass," she licked her lips shortly in a sigh. "But It would be stupid not to have your guards up, am I right?" it was the sad truth of how she was feeling. Like she had to be prepared for more pain to come, and truth to be told - she wasn't even sure she could handle another push before she would stay glued to the floor forever.
"It's been some crazy shit happening. I think everyone is just scared of what will happen if we return, because its giving up on what we can control," she sighed as they entered a deeper topic. "You are right. I'm possibly just overthinking things," she grabbed her lower lip with her teeth for a small second before letting it go. Then she took another sip of her drink. "I just feel like a horrible person, Tiana, Mariella's little sister.. was turned into a vampire not long ago. I feel like I should have been there for her, to make sure that didn't happen. A stranger had to save her life and she was all alone," she shook her head a little to the side. "I couldn't save my brother.. my best friend. No one really, maybe right here is just were I belong," she sighed returning into her dark sided thoughts. A little tear of blood showed in the corner of her eye, but she was quick to remove it.
"I'm sorry for going dark on you. I don't know why.. you are just easy to talk to," she admitted and made a little lift on her lip.

Her response didn't make him any less worried, but he hoped that she was right. That she wasn’t any use to him. He nodded as an agreement. It would be stupid for any of them to let their guards down and how could they? After all the kidnapping, torture and death. It seemed like they'd never be safe. He scoffed when she said that some crazy shit had happened, an understatement at best. “It’s okay, I mean you have every reason to overthink… but that’s why we’re here, right? To forget everything for a while?” he said, raising his glass a bit to hint that they were here to drink, hoping that it’d make them worry less about everything. He looked at her with a serious expression when she explained how she felt after Tiana had been turned. “Anastasia… The last thing you are is a horrible person,” he assured her. Then she went on to explain that she felt like she couldn't save her brother or anyone else. “Don’t think like that… It’s not your fault,” he said, not wanting her to feel the same guilt that he did. They both hadn’t been able to save the ones they loved but feeling guilty for it was one long, dark road he didn't want her to walk down. He looked into her eyes when she apologized, sending her a brief smile as she admitted he was easy to talk to. He was happy that she felt like she could confide in him and he understood why. “Don’t be…” he said, letting her know that he didn’t mind their deep talk, even if it was rather dark. It was better than to be all alone with the thoughts.

"It sure is," she admitted. Anastasia wanted to forgive, just simply allow herself to sink into a world where she didn't have to think about anything. Anastasia chuckled lightly as he raised his glass a little. He tried to remove her terrible thoughts by telling her things from his point of view, and maybe he didn't see her as a horrible person or as if any of this was her fault  - but she still did. Anastasia was a ticking bomb, just waiting to explode - but she also knew that it would be a disaster to clean up that mess. It was nice to have someone to confide in. Someone who wasn't in the mansion, but still knew everything - or mostly everything that went on there. It made her feel like she didn't have to make excuses or explain herself to much or hide her feelings. The last thing she wanted was to make others feel guilty for how she was feeling, and she knew the ones around her way to well. Anastasia took a larger sip of her drink and waved the bartender over as she finished the drink. The bartender refilled her drink and she grabbed the glass again.
"What a pair we are, cheers," she chuckled lightly and raised her glass. Anastasia licked her lips shortly and just took a moment to look at Dean. She appreciated that he was here, more than she first thought. If one of the people in this time had seen Anastasia at her worst - it would have been Dean. She wasn't proud of how she had acted when she had turned her emotions off, but she also knew that it was one thing she couldn't change. Her brother meant everything to her, and she was so scared of losing him again - almost had. "So how many days till you travel back home? You come back again, right?"

He chuckled at her comment about them, looking to her side with a raised glass. They were quite the pair - they'd both lost so much, but they were working through it. Dean hadn’t been able to talk to many about what happened, so it felt nice to talk so freely about it now. “Cheers,” he said, lifting the glass to his lips and finishing the drink, feeling slightly warmer because of the alcohol in his system. He then turned around to face the bartender, ordering a refill. Her next question made a small smile appear on his lips. “What... are you going to miss me?” he teased, smiling at the fact that she seemed worried that he would stay in Spain. However, he couldn’t run away and abandon his pack. “I’ll be back the second of January,” he replied, giving him a couple of days to settle in before the semester began. When the bartender came back with his glass, he turned around, resting his elbow on the counter as he looked out at the people in the bar. “Have you ever traveled further back in time?” he asked, returning his gaze to her. He’d always wondered if this was their one and final destination or whether they’d been traveling to other time periods.

"Well.. yeah. You are one of the only people who actually understand my situation and doesn't act like I'm being to sentimental," she confessed wit ha little sigh. It was nice talking with Dean, she had to admit that. It was weird, but once she had opened up to someone she felt closer to them by the second. It wasn't like she had issues with trusting people, she was fast at connecting with others. But for others to truly understand her was another thing. She nodded to his respons. It wasn't to bad. His question however made her giggle a little bit.
"God no, or maybe.. I was stuck on a time ship before.. yeah," she almost couldn't stop laughing at herself as if she held many untold stories no one have had time to fully listen to yet. "Months ago.. while we were here. This guy came over to me, and was like: hey I'm the time police and... bla bla bal.. but I just bursted into laughter because.. come one.. time police.. really," she shook her head with a bright smile on her face. "But he actually was. Jamie and Lion had fucked so much up so he was there for them.. but me being me.. I just convinced him that I was the only one left.. so he took me to this time ship." Anastasia knew her story sounded crazy but it was true. "So after a while there.. I got to control the entire ship.. and try to fly it back here.. it was then I met Joy. Who is actually Amaryllis' older sister, half sister, but still sister... because she is a part of the time police.. I know.. my head is still wrapping itself around the word; time police," she took another mouthful of her drink. "Anyways, we didn't travel back any further.." Maybe that was were her guilt was hidden. She had been on a freaking time ship not in time to stop or help Reginald, and she couldn't even go back to stop it from happening. Or she could, but as Joy said: somethings were meant to happen.
"None of us were meant to get here... at least not this many people. Like Amaryllis and Vanya lost their way.. Karmena went for them.. then Lion arrived..  Mariella and Eilish went after Lion.. or Mariella went after Lion.. Eilish just followed Mariella.." She took a deep breath, clearly a talker once you started to know her. " Reggie and Theo along with Jake  and Tiana..waited patiently two years before going after them... Jamie waited one more year, I don't know why - to keep me company I guess," she snorted a bit and shook her head. "Jasmine and Melania took another year.. leaving Sophie, Valeria, Lucia and myself back a few more years," she explained. Anastasia breathed out and ran a hand frustrated through her hair. "I got here before Val and Lucia.. I thought Sophie died.. so. I only got here to see my best friend was alive.. just before she forced Mariella to kill my brother and him to kill her. Yeah, death and pain is kinda the fuel I live on," she joked a bit dark before downing her drink. "Would you go back in time if you could? Or to the future?"

There weren’t many who could relate to what they’d been through, so he was grateful for having her. This was the least depressed he’d been in months and the alcohol wasn’t all too blame. “A time ship?” he repeated, frowning his forehead in confusion. He figured that there were a lot of ways to travel in time, but a time ship sounded like something you’d see in a sci-fi movie. Dean listened as she explained her story, sipping his beer occasionally. He had never imagined that there was a time police but it made sense. After all, there were a lot of risks involved in time travel. He still wondered if he’d screwed up anything by travelling back in the fall. When she was done, he took a moment to process everything, thinking of all the teenagers that had travelled back, despite the risks. “That’s insane… No wonder that the time police came after you,” he teased, sending her a short-lived smile. It couldn’t possible be a good thing that so many travelled back in time after each other. Whatever the reason. He looked out on the people in the bar as she returned the question. “No, I wouldn’t… I believe that things are meant to happen the way they are, and I wouldn’t want to interfere with fate. But to be honest... I did follow Fox to the future a couple of weeks ago... and I ended up running into Mariella,” he admitted, moving his gaze back to her. He wasn't proud of it, and he certainly didn't plan on doing it again. He firmly believed that it was best to just stay in the timeline you were meant to, but when that was said and done, he was glad that he was there for her that night.

“I know,” he said, holding his hand up to let her know that he meant it when he said he wouldn’t do it again, but she had to admit that they'd risked far more by staying in the past for this long. “I can imagine,” he said with a chuckle before he turned his head to look at the crowd, drinking another sip of his beer. He looked back at her for a long moment as she wanted to know if he interfered. “Maybe a little,” he answered, knowing that he might’ve changed his relationship with Mariella slightly, but he didn't think it was of any significance. “And it was wrong of me, I know that, but she had just been beaten up by her ex and I needed to make sure she was okay,” he said, seeking some kind of understanding from her. He had tried his best not to tell Mariella anything about the things that had happened, and so far, it didn’t seem like the meeting had screwed up anything, but of course, it was hard to know. He nodded slowly as she explained that Amaryllis’ sister owned the time ship, briefly shaking his head at her last sentence. “Your secret is safe with me,” he promised. He didn’t know who he’d tell anyway. Dean looked towards the dance floor as he listened in on the song, finishing the beer and placing it on the bar counter before she invited him to dance. He couldn’t help but smile at her persistence. “I’d love to,” he answered, grabbing her hand to pull her towards the dance floor.

//Out <33