The Curious Case of Life

Things had been up and down, left and right, and at the moment Amaryllis didn't know what to believe. Some had managed to go back to their future, and Jasmine had done a 180 and come back to the past once more. It was like walking around with a constant headache. You never knew when someone would disappear or reappear. Of course she had managed to get most of her anxiety about it under control, but one thing was for sure; she was not going anywhere without either Vanya or Karmena. Lion had left, no word, nothing to explain, and Amaryllis once again felt like she was being kept out of a situation. Lion was like a brother to her, maybe not a brother like Achim, but a brother she could actually relate to. They had grown up together, but having Vanya still around helped a lot. Her and Karmena was still taking it slow, mostly because Amaryllis had never really done anything. The vampire had been her first kiss, her first everything basically, and she felt a little overwhelmed at times. It seemed like what most couples cared about was sex and intimacy. However when Amaryllis thought about it, she didn't know where to place her feet. She could barely hold Karmena's hand without feeling her own palms become sweaty with nervousness. She had snuck up on the roof, knowing Karmena was probably up there, but to her surprise she arrived before the vampire. She sat down by the edge, looking down shortly as she saw people move around in the garden. Autumn had come, coloring the leaves in wonderful colors. What Amaryllis liked most about autumn was the fact that winter was on it's way, and that meant snow and cozy evenings with her family. She took a deep breath, looking out to the city that they could see rather nice from the roof. Sometimes she still contemplating jumping, she never would and she would probably heal from it rather fast, and people would freak out. She swallowed as she stuffed her hand in her pocket, touching the velvet box that held a ring inside. The ring Karmena had given her. She wasn't wearing it, mostly because she still hadn't made up her mind. They were young. They were stupid, but they were not like Mariella and Reginald. Marrying meant something, for sure, but Amaryllis was a kid. At least she still felt like a kid in many ways.

Karmena couldnt even begin to wrap her head around the people checking out just to check back in. She wouldnt think that coming back after leaving would cause anything good for the timeline, and yet she found herself stuck here rather than even attempt to look for a way out. After her time in hell, she mostly stuck to Amaryllis, deciding she would rather build on their relationship rather than risk ending up in a new bunch of troubles. It was unlike the carefree vampire to suddenly have taken such a stance, staying in the mansion for the most part. But it wasnt like she had really isolated herself, she wouldnt shun away her friends if she met them.
But she had become a little quiet, staying on the rooftop of the mansion to look out on the city while she thought about things. Her hair had gotten rather long and as thick as it was, it still managed to look at soft as silk. She had tied it all up to a messy bun that loosely hanged down the back of her head as she had grabbed the stairs to crawl up onto the roof. When she saw the hybrid sit there, she looked confused for a bit behind the cold expression, before she sighed and went to join her. She looked up at the sky as she leaned back a little, placing her hand behind her. "It's nice outside. Cold, but it freshens up the air," she said, not that she needed to really smalltalk, but she was just sparking conversation because she wanted to hear what the hybrid talk - Something she had done a lot of late.

Amaryllis could hear someone approach, and the scent was a dead give away. Karmena. She didn't look up, just stared out at the city, her feet dangling off the edge a little restlessly. It was nice she didn't have to start a conversation, but she felt like those words were too calm to just be what they would talk about. She felt like hitting something, felt like she needed to kick and punch something until the tension in her chest would just disappear. However she nodded at the words, finally looking back to look at the vampire. She was lucky, she had gotten one of her best friends as her girlfriend. She had managed to escape that dark pit in her heart that Vanya had created when her and Lion had been found out. "Do you know something that I don't ... About Lion?" she mumbled, looking back at the city. Most people seemed pissed at the fact he had just left, and Amaryllis was one of those. However she couldn't wrap her head around it all. Had she done something? Had something happened? To think that less than a year ago, Vanya, herself, Lion and Karmena were inseparable was rather strange. "I mean I know he was always playing the hero, but leaving without a word?" she said, her chest heavy with emotion, but she couldn't tell if they were good or bad. She shook her head, taking a deep breath, probably deeper than she needed, before holding her breath for a while. Kyle had shown her that, told her it could help her calm down when she felt the beast wanting release.

She heard her mumble but it didnt really make sense to her, as she wasnt sure what Amaryllis was hinting at. She moved her eyes out upon the city as well, tilting her head a little as she frowned as the only change in her otherwise constant expression of nothing. She understood what they were talking about when Amaryllis spoke her confusion, the vampire moving her eyes down to the grass in the garden as she made a small shrug, "Everyone who's been here doesnt seem like the people we used to know," she just said, moving her eyes up to the sky as she sighed deeply. She had probably changed as well, and it probably wasnt for the better. She hadnt ever felt as sheepish as she did here in the past. "We've been hiding here in the mansion for so long, we wouldnt even know if he had tried to reach out first," she said, not sure why she was defending him. She had been angry, she had been furious. Karmena from the future gang would have kicked his ass and kept a grudge for eternity. But this Karmena, the one stuck in the past? She couldnt care about grudges, she could barely get herself to step foot outside the mansion.
"If I'm not with you, I just sit up here, staring at the city from sunrise to sundown," she suddenly said as she frowned faintly. The only time she felt like she had in the past was with Amaryllis. If that was a good thing, she didnt really know. She had focused so much on Amaryllis that she had pushed out the thoughts of tending to her own wounds or hurting. "I'm tired of being a fucking coward," she then said as she pushed herself to her feet, looking at Amaryllis as she reached out her hand, "I want to leave the mansion," she said, something she hadnt said in months.

Amaryllis didn't know what to say or do, she felt mostly like an empty shell. Well unless Karmena was there to kick her ass in gear. She knew that deep down things had changed, but if it were for better or worse only time could tell. "I know, I know," she mumbled when Karmena argued that Lion might've tried reaching out. However she also knew not to get her hopes up. As the vampire expressed her frustration, moving to her feet, Amaryllis looked at the hand that was held towards her. Grabbing it she moved to her feet as well, looking at Karmena with an understanding in her eyes. "I know I should encourage you more, but I'm honestly terrified; All the things that have happened, kidnappings, deaths - It's just too much for me," she said, looking at their hands as she spoke. She wanted Karmena by her side, wanted to feel comfort in what she knew. What she hoped was still a reality. "Karm, have I changed?" she asked, because she knew she had. She just needed to know if she was still the person that the vampire cared about, or if she felt like straying. Amaryllis clutched the small box in her pocket, feeling the velvet in her palm as she took a deep breath. "I don't want to be the person causing you to feel like you have to stay here, I don't want you to feel like a captive when you're with me," she elaborated. Had Amaryllis been too selfish? Too focussed on her own healing to not fully see how hurt Karmena was? She gave her hand a squeeze, looking at the vampire that towered over her. "Do we still love each other, or do we just long for the nostalgia of the past?" she asked, feeling a few tears appear in her eyes, one escaping down her cheek.

//Out <33//