Sometimes sitting by isnt an option

He was oddly broody today, his absentminded stare fixtated on a blank part of the wall as he had lifted his hand with the mark. His hand was slightly clenched together, almost a fist but it was like he hadnt thought about completing the action in the middle of it all and just left it alone. His fingers made a few twitches from time to time with his brows. He suddenly blinked after a bit, realizing he had been too far gone into his thoughts. He placed his hands over his face, rubbing his palms onto his skin as he sighed deeply from the bottom of his stomach. The door opened and he quickly got up from the sofa, moving out in the hallway to greet his fiancé and their daughter, "Hey girls," he said with a half-hearted smile.

Nessa held her mother's arm as they walked up the stairs, giggling about something she had been speaking about. Buffy was just happy to hear Nessa be excited about the holidays coming up. Her first halloween. Buffy looked up from her daughter's blue eyes to look at her fiancé greeting them. A warm smile appeared on her lips, walking the last few steps and leaning in to a small kiss on his lips. "Hi my love," Buffy said in a sweet voice. She could feel something was up, but she didn't know if he wanted to talk about it. "Daddy is it really true that we are going to have a halloween party?" she asked innocently.

Nessa chuckled, looking pleadingly at her father before he agreed. "Well that's good, cause I've already sent out some invitations," Buffy chuckled as she took off her jacket and shoes. "I thought we needed something fun, and seeing as dressing up if something for all ages - I thought it would be nice," she said moving in to the living room. Nessa took off her shoes and jacket as well, kissing her father's cheek gently before going in to her room.

She soon felt his arms around her, making her sigh as he buried his face in her nape. She reached behind her, running a hand through his curly hair. "What's on your mind my love?" she asked in a low voice. She knew something was bothering him, but she didn't want him to say it if he didn't want to.

Family stuff? She felt a little concerned and as he let go she turned around to look at him. When he spoke about demons getting slaughtered just for their race, she made a small gasp. She barely knew how to react. "You mean demons just ... Getting killed?" she asked in a hushed voice, not wanting Nessa to hear. "Who? Why?" she asked, feeling confused and a little scared.

Buffy swallowed looking down in shame. He was right. They had been no different, of course they hadn't just picked people at random, but was she really educated enough to judge right from wrong? "I ... I can't say," she said in a defeated voice, shaking her head because she didn't know. She felt torn, mostly because she didn't know if she should be angry at herself or the other's most.

"Wh-What do you want me to say?" she pleaded, not even knowing how to consult him in this. She took a deep breath, feeling guilty. What could she do when she was part of the problem. She moved over, sitting down on his lap and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. In the case that Nessa would come in, she wouldn't want it to look like they were fighting. She kissed his cheek gently. "Not all we went after were innocent, some of them we even caught in the act," she mumbled, but she knew it didn't make it better.

He started asking all sort of questions. "What about me then, love? I am able to survive without souls, yet I ingest them anyways," she said in a sad voice. She shook her head. This type of blaming themselves didn't help. She leaned closer to him, kissing him gently. "You are doubting yourself," she whispered against his lips.

"I can see that, love," she said, her fingers playing with some of his loose curls at the nape of his neck. She kissed his chin gently. All she wanted to do was comfort him. She wanted to tell him the right things, but how could she when she had nothing to say. "But I would rather you yell at me than stay quiet," she whispered gently, resting her forehead against his.

"No, it doesn't give you permission to do so, but I want to know what is going on inside your mind," she said in a calming voice. She just wanted to hear him speak and get his worries out. Maybe she couldn't help him with it, but she could always do her best to listen. "I think it would be safest to go away for a while then," she said considering what would be the best option right now.

He nodded at her words, wishing he could just make her understand the conflict he felt, but it was like talking about it just sparked more confusion, more views that he hadnt revised yet. "Go away?" he asked as he looked up at her, needing her to elaborate. Was he the one who had to go or what was she saying? "Are you saying that I should go, or we should go?" he said as he looked in to her eyes as he spoke to then look away from her.

"Love, that the two of us should go away together," she said, placing a finger under his chin as she brought his face back to hers. She wanted to look at him, make him look back and know that she would never wish him to leave. "Nessa will be safe with Jake, we could arrange it with his father, and we could get out of town for a while," she said, but she didn't know what would be right. "We could have some time off, think and consider our ways - maybe even figure out what is happening," she added.

His face was moved to look at her as her words had brought him a little comfort. He felt a little hesitant to look at her, not because it had anything to do with her, but his thoughts had painted him a bad image of himself for what he might have done. He didnt hesitate for long, his eyes meeting hers as she explained her plan. He swallowed hard as he made a few nods after her addition. Maybe figuring out what was actually going on would be a good start. "Alright," he said as he placed a hand on her cheek to lean in as he stole a small yet tender kiss. "We're in this together," he recollected in a low tone as he remembered their promise ever so clearly.

"Yes we are," she confirmed, kissing him once more before getting up from his lap. "Now, will you come and help me make dinner for your fiancé and the child you share?" she asked in a teasing manner. Nessa had seemed to accept that Baal didn't eat, which made it easier for Buffy just to make food of all kinds.

Buffy knew that a lot was still on his mind, but while Nessa was still in the apartment, she didn't feel comfortable speaking about worries. "I've been looking at houses," Buffy admitted as she found some pasta and filled a pot with water. "Not physically, of course, just looking at what's on the market," she said.