Just tell me that we’re okay - Tatia

@Tatia <3 (dont know if i want my heart broken or nah hæ <333)

He had been out a lot and he knew that it was wrong. Simon wasnt the kind of guy that ran from hisnproblems, never had been, never would be. He had barely been sleeping that night, sitting in a small loungechair as he stared at the nightsly throug the huge windows. He exhaled deeply, scratching his cheek a bit as he leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a bit. He could just go to bed and wait till they had slept, but he felt like he would end up having nightmares as long as this remained unsolved. He wasnt sure where she was, but she had to come home eventually. He took in a deep breath.

Tatia was still adjusting to this world, it was easier now. If she could be around Zitora and Kaiya, she almost felt like she could be this person - the person who didn't seek out here and fought for constant need of survival. It was a role she had taken on for so many years, but now she was more than that. She had spend the day with Kaiya, sitting with her grandson and just simply felt alive- it was a long time since she had felt anything like that. Tatia hadn't seen Wade since their encounter at the bar that night, but she knew few things never changed. It was late, but who really believed in the terms of time? She knew Simon most likely would be sleeping. Tatia ran off with some others from the pack, when there was talk about demons close to the area. She got them off and went to the showers to wash the blood of her scared skin, before dressing herself in a simple loose black dress. Tatia walked into the room and saw him sitting there.
"Trouble sleeping?" She asked and tilted her head a little to the side.

The thing was that he didnt really know where he had her. He didnt know where she’d go in the middle of the night and after learning that her one true love walled this earth, what was he supposed to think? Most days he wasnt really sure why he was still here when he felt like he was just waitikg for that one sentence that would break his heart into a thousand pieces. When she walked in wearing her loose black dress, he was still looking at the stars, taking in a deep inhale at her question, “Happens quite often lately,” he admitted as he carefully moved his eyes to look at her. It stung, a lot, to know that her heart would always belong to someone else. “Where have you been?” He asked rather calmly, trying not to sound accusing in any kind of way, as he wasnt, but his mind was in jambles.

Tatia knew all about not being able to sleep. It was first after meeting Simon, that she finally had learned to calm her nerves just a bit. It was like she could step into a room and it wasn't on fire when he was there. But lately there was something with him, like he longed to ask for something - but never got it out. Tatia walked closer to him and looked out at the stars. "I have been with Kaiya most of the day," she answered. Tatia never really had the chance to hold or be with her children, so being around them now in times like this - she loved it. However she felt like that wasn't the answer he was looking for. He knew she had been spending a lot of time with her daughters lately. "There was some demons close to the area, me and a few others made sure they kept their distance," she added afterwords and narrowed her eyes a little before turning her blue green eyes towards him.
"But that wasn't what you wanted to ask, now was it?" She tilted her head a little to the side. She could look dangerous to most, but not to Simon. She cared way to much about him. However, she was good at reading people - but she still didn't know what went on in his mind. "Something is bothering you.. isn't there?"

He listened to her explanations and nodded. He felt more than happy that she got tonspend time with her children. He knew how much they meant to her and frankly there wasnt a better sight to him than to see them get along when he knew their story too well. But there was also Elena, that even though she didnt mean to, she was still the walking reminder that Wade was out there somewhere and he was probably ready for Tatia to return at his side - Not that Simon knew if it were true, but his jealously made it seem that way.!her question made him sigh as he looked at her with a rather serious look. “Yeah, no... it wasnt,” he answered, trying to smile a little but he was distraught by his mind.
He leaned back into the chair at her second question and had this sort of defeated look in his eyes like he had accepted whatever his mind had been put up to. “Wade. Mostly,” he admitted in a low tone, feeling scared that making it just a tiny bit louder would make him fall apart. He looked up at Tatia. “I love you Tatia. With all my heart. But I feel like Wade could easily just show up and snatch you away, because you love him. Sure you love me too, but not like you love Wade,” he then said, sounding rather calm even though his mind was filled with frustration. “Am I lying?” He said, making it sound a little too much like an accusation than he wanted to.

She narrowed her eyes a little by when he confirmed she was right. There was something else, and it didn't take her long to put the puzzle togther. It was weird having Wade around, and still not around. Tatia didn't know where to put Wade in this huge puzzle of her life anymore. He had a new face, but everytime she looked into his eyes - she still saw him for who he used to be, or not completely - but she knew him like she knew her heart. And they were both damged and had been twisted and thrown around - but there was still a part of that side of them. Somewhere. Wades name was let out to the room and Tatia breathed out. She had always been honest about her history and her how she felt -when she knew. Tatia knew she loved Simon, but even his words made her realize that she wasn't as over Wade as first thought.  It had changed when she had learned that he was alive, back in captivity - she had accepted that fact that she wouldn't see him again, until she did. Tatia didn't know what kind of love she felt for Wade, if she was in love with him or she simply loved him because she always had. Simon picking up on her confusion about Wade was something else, not that she was angry. It made her realize she needed to figure somethings out. Tatia looked at Simon and breathed out before looking away again. Looking at the stars. Her life had never been simple, she had never had much luxury in romantic feelings - and when she did, it was always forced out of her hands. It made her feel slightly pushed back into a corner.
"You are not wrong.. but you are not right either," she moved her eyes back to Simon. "I thought he was dead.. I had accepted he was dead. Then he showed up, maybe he doesn't have the face I remember, but there is something. But I don't know what that something is," she admitted and took a deep breath in. "I know its not fair for you. Because I'm so lucky to have you by my side, and any girl would be blessed to have you," she added before taking a step away.
"And I love you. I don't want to lose you. With you I feel like my world is finally calming a bit down, where you are I feel at peace with my mind. Like I can put my sword down, and I don't need to fight to stay alive," she turned around and took a deep breath in feeling herself getting a little emotional by the thought of losing him in this round of struggle.  Tatia sat down on the bed and looked at him. It was funny how she wasn't the warrior or the leader sitting here, she was just a girl. "I just want you to be happy."

This confrontation was both surprising and then probably not. Simon had been quite distant, wanting to check the perimeter more often instead of having the opportunity to sit down and talk it out. It would probably have been better if they had talked it out when the problems rose, but Simon hadnt handled something like this before, so he hadnt been sure on what to do. As she explained, he got up from his seat and stepped towards the window, looking out with sad eyes as he took in one long-drawn deep breath that he exhaled after a while. Her words made sense, but for a guy like Simon that had been jead over heels for her for this long, to slowly realize that someone like Wade could take it all away, this was adding to the stinging feeling in his heart. He turned to her as she said she didnt want to lose him. He didnt want to lose her either, but it sucked to feel like a second choice, the next best thing when the best was out of stock. He ran her words through his mind again as he slowly moved closer to her, taking her hand gently, entangling their fingers with each other. “I could be happy. Very happy, with you,” he said, swallowing a little hard on some saliva as he felt like he had a knot in his throat. “But I cant do this if I’ll end up losing you to Wade,” he said. He caressed the side of her entangled hand with his thumb and made a trembling sigh. “I wont make you choose. I’m not that kind of person,” he shook his head, kissing the back of her hand in his. “I just want to know if I’ll come out of this with a broken heart,” he let go of her hand and moved away just to sit next to her.

For a girl like Tatia, stability was a hard thing to find. Simon had given her that, and she was clinging onto it with all her being. His words made her clench her teeth as her jaw tensed a little. She didn't like emotional confrontations, or even deal with any of her emotions if she had the choice. But Simon made it easier, she didn't know or understand why - he just did. However his words included Wade, and she understood why. Tatia was a smart girl, she knew Ramsay had done so much to him. And a lot of people in this world didn't know the Wade she used to know, but everyone did what they needed to do for survival. Tatia closed her eyes. She had never had any of these different 'who should I choose', and she wasn't that type of person. It always came down to Wade, and even if she knew in her heart that they would always love each other - everything was against them.
"I'm not the type of person to question anything or go with what ifs. I never had many what ifs. I cannot promise you anything else than the present, because that is where I am living," she closed her eyes as he sat down next to her. "I don't want to break your heart. All I have ever wanted was to be free, and I'm free now. I can't help but feel.. that I trapped you in the process," she added and breathed out. "I want you to feel free, and not chained up by me and what ifs."

Her heart was beating so crazy fast, that she was starting to go insane. It was true, her and Wade shared so much of her past - most of all Wades past. She was the key for him to remember that time, but the thing was. Tatia had lived much longer than Wade had by now, she had so much more to cover the past years with - that he didn''t know, that only Simon knew off. Yes, maybe Wade knew about the pack she had here, but he didn't know what she had done or been trough to be here.
"Wade and I have a past Simon, and its hard to shake off. What I am doing now, is trying to accept it again," she took a deep breath in and got up. "Even if I had the chance to get back together with him, I couldn't.. I wouldn't- time has changed so much, has changed us so much. What I'm thinking about is the past, but even the past shouldn't cover my judgement," she exhaled and ran a hand over her almost dry hair.
"I will always love him, somewhere in my heart.. and I might be cruel and weird for that.. but I'm not in love with him anymore," she got on her feet and looked at him, "but I'm in love with you. I never thought I would be able to feel or fall in love ever again.. and then I saw you.. you changed my life, my word.. " Tatia took a small step closer to him and reached out for his hand. "I wouldn't want to be here with anyone else but you. I love you Simon."