Post-partum [cw + mild tw]

It had been a week since everything had happened, yet Buffy still woke up in the middle of the night to check on Nessa. Most of the day she spent out and about, but to be honest, Buffy felt it would be more safe to keep her here. But then again, the child was full of wonder and curiosity, so often Dinah would escort her to spend time with her siblings or this young man called Jake. It was awful. She felt like she had to share something she hadn’t even been ready to have, and now it felt like every day was slipping away from her. Some mornings Baal would find Buffy cuddled up with Nessa, holding her in her arms, her nose pressed into those pale locks. Other mornings she would sleep in for longer than usual, have a hard time even functioning. This morning was especially awful. Buffy had gotten up and kissed her fiancée gently on his cheek as he was still snoring away. She had snuck herself in to the kitchen and started making breakfast as she just started crying. Holding a hand over her stomach as she cried silently, because some part of her felt like she had truly lost her baby. She had never had a baby, she had gotten her daughter safe and sound, but the child was off to see the world. Buffy couldn’t deny her child to explore, seeing as she mostly was guarded by others – even Samaira had come to spend time with the young. Buffy felt pushed to the side, getting told that at least Nessa was safe, but a selfish part of her wanted to scream. She was far from happy, she felt so distraught and nothing really seemed to cheer her up, except for the times she spent close to Nessa and Baal.  

It had been unlike Baal to push his emotions as far out as he had, but now having a child that understood and explored made it difficult for him to say anything that would lift the burden he felt so heavily pulling him down. He had been quick to notice Buffy's changes in mood, but felt so utterly powerless to do anything. Mostly he was just trying to make their days work, make everything seem like it could be an opportunity to a functional daily life. Being with Buffy and Nessa made him happy, made him forget about his worries and guilt, yet when he dreamed, it was all he ever saw. He knew that he had robbed them both of what could have been a healthy little drooling baby and the thought alone made him gloomy. He didnt notice Buffy waking up earlier at first, but instinctively his body moved as he pulled Nessa into his safe embrace.
When his sleeping mind realized the lack of feeling her soul close, his eyes shot open as he looked to where Buffy would usually be lying. He sighed quietly and moved carefully out of the bed, laying the blanket over their sleeping daughter. He went out in the living room and closed the bedroom door, yet not completely before he went out in the kitchen. He blinked a few times as he saw her stand there, shaking his head as he walked over to her, his hands moving up like he wanted to embrace her, yet he stopped mid-motion, just looking at her. Touching her was so hard ever since the fragment had acted up, he feared so deeply that he would hurt her again. He let his arms fall down to his sides as he looked at her. "I'm sorry for my reluctance in touches," he said truthfully as he looked down at his hands, clenching them slightly, "I just fear..." he stopped as he sighed and shook his head looking back up at her.

Buffy heard the silent footsteps behind her and sniffled a bit. She needed to get it together. To be strong, but why did she feel so weak? It wasn’t helping that half the time Baal barely touched her, even a gaze from him was a rarety. She felt guilty, like she had done something wrong and he was punishing her, even though she deep down knew that this was none of their fault. She still stood with her back to him, hoping so desperately that he would touch just any part of her. His words sounded like he had just read her mind and she turned around carefully as she whiped her eyes from the tears. She looked at him, yet he still wasn’t meeting her gaze. Her eyes watered again but she shook her head. This wasn’t the Buffy that she herself knew. Something in her was broken and she felt like if he just maybe would at least look at her she would feel more normal again. She stepped closer, taking his hand and entangling their fingers, like they so often did. ”You fear that you’ll hurt me?” she asked in a low voice, keeping her tone low as to not wake their sleeping child. Buffy took a sharp breath as she took a step closer, standing close like she craved. ”You are hurting me more by denying me your touch,” she said in a whisper as she looked up at him. If she could just catch his gaze, just see those grey eyes that flickered with green, the eyes she had fallen in such deep love with. ”I need you,” she whispered weakly.

He let her step closer, looking at their hands as they entangled, closing his fingers down on hers slowly and just as careful, still not quite confident in his touch. Her having to finish his sentence for him made him exhaled deeply as he just kept his eyes on their hands. “Yes,” he answered in a whisper to her words, clenching his jaw slightly as she moved even closer. He felt a sudden rush of panic and hadnt he been so set on keeping calm, he would have stepped away and pulled his hand back. She was searching for his eyes but he couldnt really look at her. Her whisper made him frown with sadness as he slowly lifted his gaze to meet hers. He felt so guilty yet unable to express it, which was very uncharacteristic for him, especially when it came to her - He had always been able to show vulnerability and voice his fears, worries and sadness. He wanted to, there was no doubt about it, tell her everything that was tormenting his mind. But admitting that this wouldnt have turned out this way, losing their child and getting her back but not as a baby, if he only had been able to tell her to keep her distance? He moved his eyes from hers again and felt his jaw tremble slightly. "I know you need me!" he sort of snapped back in a low tone, he meant to keep his frustration at bay but it shone through his tone, making him turn his eyes back to her as he lifted his free hand to place it on her cheek. "I'm sorry. I didnt mean to snap at you like that," he said as he shifted between her eyes and then looked down. He couldnt understand why he was behaving in this way, being so out of control and unable to recollect himself.

He was out of it, and it made her furrow her brows, looking at him. His features that seemed to tense up made her worried, and she felt selfish. He needed her as much as she needed him and she sighed as he snapped back. Shaking her head she looked down, before his hand on her cheek made her look up. Looking into his eyes he apologized, but she wasn’t mad at him. Actually she just missed him, having him close and feeling him present in the moment. ”It’s alright,” she said placing her forehead against his chest. It wasn’t alright, but it would have to be. She took a deep breath and removed her head as she looked up at his eyes. ”You need me as well – I guess I haven’t been worth much,” she said in a sad tone. The guilt still lingered in her, but starting a conversation was maybe the best option. ”I want to be happy, love, I want to walk out with our small family and just do simple things, but it’s like our minds are holding us hostage these days,” she said taking a deep breath as she let go of his hand to move both of her hands up to cup his face between her palms. ”I know you feel guilty, because I feel guilty as well,” she whispered, saddened by her own admission, but it was the truth. She looked into his eyes before she stepped up on her toes to plant a kiss against his lips. It was short and sweet, but she already wanted to kiss him again as she pulled away. ”I’ll have to make some food,” she said in a sigh and looked at him, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. ”Will you wake her up? I think Dinah spoke about coming by to take her over to Jake today,” she said. Her memory was a bit foggy. ”We’ll talk when we have the apartment for ourselves,” she said with a sweet smile before she continued with her cooking.

Even if she thought it was alright, he didnt feel the same. It was wrong of him to act out in the way he did. He placed a hand on her back as she pressed her forehead onto his chest, lifting his eyes to the cuppboard till she looked at him, where he moved his eyes to meet hers. He lowered his brows in a sad expression that matched her tone before he shook his head, "You're worth everything," he said in a serious tone. He clenched his jaw as she spoke of being happy, being a family. He felt his lips open instinctively yet the words stayed in his mind. He just nodded instead and sighed deeply.
He looked at her with sad eyes as she cupped his face, closing his eyes for a bit as he listened to her words. He swallowed though his mouth felt dry and opened his eyes again, lifting a hand to put over hers, "You shouldnt feel guilty, Boadicea," he said in a low tone as she leaned up and kissed him. He sighed quietly at the fleeting feeling of her soft lips lingered a bit on his lips. He wasnt sure when they'd last had a proper kiss, it made him feel bad as he wanted to show her just how much she meant to him - Though it seemed that they both had had a part in pushing gestures of love to the side. Well he hadnt exactly been much for engaging in it or be the first to give out kisses if they werent small or somewhere else - Made him wonder if he was truly worthy of her love when he had been so keen to push her away. He looked at her as she caressed his face, feeling awfully robbed of the love they used to share so vigorously, yet knowing that it could have been changed so easily if he had surpassed his reluctance. He nodded and sighed deeply. He nodded and moved out of her hands before he walked towards the door, stopping as she spoke. He looked back at her and gulped quietly, "Yeah," he said in a low tone before he walked back to the bedroom.
He sat down on the bed and placed his hand gently on Nessa's upper arm, leaning down to kiss her temple. "Hamuda," (Cute one) he whispered gently as he caressed her arm, nuzzling his nose against her cheek, "Eema shelakh wants you to wake up before Dinah arrives," (Your mother) he said in a soft low tone as he lifted his daughter into his arms and sat there with her. Just calling Buffy by his mothertongue seemed to make him feel guilty, why was he trying to uphold this image of a perfect family when they were both hurting? He placed his mouth in Nessa's hair and inhaled her scent as he closed his eyes to calm down, caressing her shoulder rather carefully. He got up, carrying the sleepy Nessa as he walked out into the living room, placing her on the sofa before he quickly returned to the kitchen. He was done with being this held back, he knew she deserved better. He walked up to her and turned her around right as he cupped her face and placed a careful yet loving kiss on her lips, closing his eyes as he pressed himself a bit closer to her.

”I know I shouldn’t and neither should you, yet here we are,” she whispered before their lips met. She had missed his lips, always soft and almost inviting her to continue to kiss him, however she held back. Feeling his lips didn’t mend a lot, but it did remind her of what their love used to feel like. She wanted to feel that love again, the passion and the almost craving need they had for each other. She continued her cooking, making some eggs and bacon for both her and Nessa. Even though Baal hated food, she had noticed he sometimes ate as well, maybe it was to show Nessa that it was a normal thing – however he couldn’t hide his displeased face for long.

Nessa opened her eyes carefully, still half in her world of dreams. ”Abba,” (father), she mumbled as she stretched her tiny body. It was light out, and she looked to the window with a smile on her lips. Everything she did was done with a smile on her lips, sleeping, eating and waking up. ”Eema is making food?” (mother) she asked a bit innocently as she popped her head to the side. She placed a hand over her stomach and making a confused expression as she felt the hunger strong this morning. Everything was still so new and exciting. ”Anee ra'ev,” (I’m hungry) she said and giggled a bit as her father lifted her up. Getting placed in the couch she didn’t like, so she quickly moved down to the floor where she looked at some of the children books that Buffy’s father had gotten her. Buffy hadn’t really explained in depth what had happened, but her father had insisted on sending something. They weren’t really close, never really had been, but it was a nice gesture.

Buffy was seperating the food onto different plates as she heard Nessa started flipping through her books. She smiled. The child knew Hebrew fluently, which she could hardly understand, so Buffy was greatful for everyone helping Nessa to get to know english better. She heard Baal come in to the kitchen but wasn’t really prepared as he swung her around. His lips felt rather needy and she returned his kiss. Sighing against his lips she pulled herself closer, deepening the kiss as the world around her disappeared. Their lips seperated and she felt her heart beat faster in her chest and her breath out of control. ”Good morning,” she whispered breathlessly, a hint of a smile on her lips. Buffy felt the need to be closer to him, running her hands down over his chest, touching the small black swirls that weren’t hiding behind his shirt. She seperated her lips, wanting to say something, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. ”Breakfast is ready, Nessa!” Buffy called, not taking her eyes off of Baal for a second.

Nessa got up from the floor, sprinting to the kitchen to see her parents in what could look like a face off. But she didn’t really know what that meant yet. She sneaked over to her mother, embracing her and Buffy let out a small chuckle as she embraced her daughter. It was like Nessa made every room light up with her pure heart and soul. ”Ani ohevet et’h’em,” (I love you both) she said before letting go of her mother to grab her place and moving it to the table. She had learned a thing or two, and was actually quite quick to pick up on things. That didn’t mean she wasn’t a bit of a messy eater, stuffing a piece of bacon into her mouth.

Nessa had a contagious smile, but it wasnt just the smile that made it so contagious. It was the way she managed to make the world smile with her bubbly personality without a worry. But he worried instead, worried that some day someone would take that smile away. He thought that if it would happen, the world would stop spinning and freeze as the sun shut down - A frightening thought to actually have. He just internally prayed that no such thing would happen.
The kiss was as captivating as he remembered it to be. A part of him hadnt realized that not experiencing a kiss of this sort would affect him heavily, shifting his focus a narrow view that was only on her and her lips. Hadnt it been that their child was just in the other room, he wouldnt have thought twice about showing her how deeply and surely he loved and craved her. A rush of emotions he swore he wouldnt feel in a long time made his breath go slower, heavier as the kiss deepened. By instinct he pressed himself closer to her, till their lips parted. He exhaled deeply, completely caught in the memorization of her alluring lips, scoffing softly at her breathless greeting, "Wow..." he mumbled in astonishment, biting softly at his lower lip as the craving that had been in it's deep slumber had awakened. He noticed her attempt to talk and frowned a bit in curiosity, just as surprise struck him, right before she called out for Nessa. This wasnt the right time to be indulging in such things, and now he wasnt really sure what to do with himself.
As their daughter stepped into the kitchen, he looked back at her and swallowed right as he let Buffy go and take a step back, looking at the breakfast as he took a few calming inhales. He looked to Nessa as she spoke in their mother tongue, sighing shortly, "Hamuda, mommy still dont know much of our language," he said, yet it wasnt a scolding, he couldnt ever scold her for anything. He looked after her as she left before he looked back at Buffy. "I'm sorry for my impulses," he then said in a low tone as he scratched his neck. "But I enjoyed it," he then added with a little soft smile. He couldnt deny that as bold as it had been, he wasnt regretting it by one bit. He grabbed their plates and moved out to Nessa as he placed them next to her, even though a part of him wanted to be near Buffy. He sat down and placed a hand on top of Nessa's head as he ruffled her hair a bit, "You must be really hungry," he said with a soft chuckle before he looked at the food and inhaled deeply. It was always a challenge to eat, but he knew that if he just swallowed it quickly and pretended that he was still chewing on something, he could manage to keep his disgust minimal.

Buffy smiled a bit at his exclamation, her own breath a bit heavy as she thought of how much she missed him. Not just talking, but being closer than anything. She felt Nessa’s thin arms around her and chuckled at her words. She had started learning a bit more, so she could atleast get the gist of it. ”Boker Tov, Nessa,” (good morning) Buffy said with a bit of a shaky accent. It was far from good, but it made Nessa giggle her happy laughter and she felt like she had done the right thing. She looked to Baal, touching Nessa’s hair and running her fingers through the soft yet thick fibers. ”And it’s fine, I’ll have to learn eventually and she kinda forces me to learn quicker,” she said with a small chuckle, watching Nessa grab her plate and sit down to eat. Buffy looked to Baal as he apologized and she shook her head at him, him adding to his sentence made a faint red color appear on her cheeks. ”I did too,” she whispered back and followed as Baal sat down next to Nessa, she took place in front of them. Looking at the two people who made her happy in this big world. She could see that Baal dreaded this, but they had agreed to at least try and make it as normal as possible. At least for the first while of Nessa’s excistence. The girl already had so much to learn, but right now she was more occupied by copying the things she saw. Buffy feared that if Nessa saw that Baal wasn’t eating, then she wouldn’t eat as well.

Nessa chuckled and nodded as she started eating some of her eggs. Though she looked like a teenager, she acted at times more childish, but who could blame her? Her soul was new to this world, and she just had the body to move around in it. She took a deep breath and looked at her mother. ”Dee take me to wolf today?” Nessa asked curiously. The young girl had yet to show off her communication powers to her parents, but she liked keeping them to herself and learning the language first. In her mind she could form full sentences, but her body couldn’t follow. It was like her tongue twisted itself, making her sound rather stupid at times, but she got the message across. Nessa ate some more of her eggs, still rather hot, but she ate it quickly.

”Yes, Dinah is going to take you to see Jake – Do you like Jake?” Buffy asked carefully. Nessa never really spoke about what she did with that werewolf, but Dinah had assured both of them that Jake could be trusted with Nessa. Nessa nodded at her mother’s question, looking over to the untouched bacon on Baal’s plate. She popped her head to the side and a small devilish smile grew on her lips. She let her fingers walk across the table, looking away and trying to look innocent before grabbing a piece of her father’s bacon. Buffy chuckled as she watched Nessa stop the bacon into her mouth and giggling. ”Nessa, that was not nice to daddy,” Buffy chuckled, knowing that Baal would probably be more than happy to avoid the fatty bacon in his system.

A smile grew on his lips as Buffy spoke their language, nodding in approval as Nessa seemed to find it funny. He nodded at Buffy's words and shrugged, "It's odd that she's so fluent in it, but not in the english language as well," he said as he seemed to ponder a bit on it. Despite Buffy shaking her head at him, he wasnt going to take it back. Her whisper made him sigh with a smile. He was quite curious about this Jake guy, knowing it was the wolf who took her away that day, made him have his worries, but Dinah's words about the wolf seemed to put them at bay, but not remove them.
He looked at Nessa as her hand wandered the table, raising his eyebrows to look at her as she seemingly tried to make it seem like it wasnt happening. When she grabbed the bacon, he looked down at his plate and waited for her to put it in her mouth before he gasped with surprise, "Oh my, what happened to my bacon?" he asked in a wonder before he leaned down to Nessa and poked her nose right as Buffy spoke. "You shouldnt take other people's food. But I'll be more than happy to share with you if you just ask," he then said as he smiled a bit and returned to sitting properly. He stuck his fork onto a piece of bacon, feeling relieved that there was one less to eat. He glanced shortly at Buffy before he placed it in his mouth, wanting to gag at the sensation, yet a few forced groans of satisfaction left his throat as he chewed on it. He had gotten quite good at pretending to like human food, to a point were it was actually genuine. He remembered the first few times, where they had to tell her that he was feeling sick, so eating was harder. He chuckled a bit at the memory and swallowed the disgusting piece that made his mouth feel covered in fat. He leaned back and then looked around the table, "Oh. We forgot our beverages," he said as he rose from his chair, more than happy to go fetch it if it meant that he would get a break from eating. He grabbed a few glasses and came back with a bottle of juice that he placed on the table before returning to his seat. "Is this Jake boy someone we should meet?" he asked as he looked at Nessa with wondering eyes.

Nessa let out a small squeal as she got caught, giggling as her father poked her nose. She looked with big eyes to her mother as she said she wasn’t being nice. She frowned and looked to her father who repeated that it wasn’t a nice thing and looked down. As he said he would be more than happy to share she looked up and held out her clean hand to touch Baal’s cheek. *I know it’s not right, father, but I guess I know you don’t like food,* her sweet voice rang in Baal’s head before she removed her hand and kept eating. She giggled to herself and finished her meal as her father returned with some juice. Taking the bottle and filling up the glasses. Her father asked her a question and she nodded. ”Wolf sweet - Wolf shy,” she said with a sweet smile on her lips. She emptied her’s in record time before she looked to her mother with a waiting look in her eyes. Buffy nodded and Nessa knew she was excused from the table. She got up from her seat and ran to her room. She had her own room, but often times she would sleep with her parents when she knew her mother was sad and her father was hurting. She got dressed and brushed her teeth and hair.

”She’s got a fast pace,” Buffy chuckled as she looked after Nessa before she moved her gaze back to Baal. She got up from her seat and went around the table to sit down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, resting her hand on his shoulder. ”Thank you,” she said in a low voice as she placed a kiss on his cheek. Without him Buffy wouldn’t have their little miracle. Even though the sadness lingered in her still and would do for a while, it seemed more like something she could handle. Knowing that she wasn’t alone in this made her burde neasier to carry. [color=#9370DB]”You don’t have to eat the rest, I’ll cover for you,”[7color] she said before she got up from her seat. She wrapped her morning gown closer around her body, re-tying the knot and scratching her messy hair. She started clearing the table, seeing that Nessa had almost cleaned the plate herself. She smiled to herself and frowned a bit. Maybe she should start making more food for that little girl as she finished meals faster than anything.

There was a knock at the door and Nessa ran to it, opening it without hesitation. ”No, Nessa – That’s not how we taught you,” Dinah said with a faint smile on her lips. She looked a bit rough, but she was managing. ”Try again,” Dinah said and closed the door. Nessa frowned and sighed. ”Who is?” she called through the door. ”It’s Dinah,” Dinah answered and first then Nessa was allowed to open the door. Dinah had tried learning Nessa to be weary of her surrounding, but the girl just seemed like a lost cause. ”Hi!” she called into the apartment.

When Nessa touched his cheek and spoke to him, his eyebrows frowned slightly as he was sure that he didnt see her mouth move, but was quick to use his reaction to make it seem like he frowned at the lack of drinks. He then smiled and went to the kitchen. He smiled as she poured the juice up in the glasses, yet it wasnt that he was happy about the content he was about to drink. Even if she knew, he was still going to act like it was normal, just to keep their life at something regular. He drank after asking his question, using the dreaded taste to remove some of the grease he felt lingering all around in his mouth. He really couldnt understand how people enjoyed this feeling, but maybe it was because eating souls never really left anything in the mouth when eaten. He swallowed and nodded at her answer, narrowing his eyes a bit, "Well the wolf should come by some day," he said, but not really knowing if it was a good idea. He had met Jake before, and he knew how the boy felt about him.
He watched her run off and chuckled a bit at Buffy's words, "She's probably afraid of missing out on something," he said as he looked at her with a small yet genuine smile. He wrapped his arms around her lower back as she sat down on him and shook his head at her words, "Anything for you, my love," he said in a low tone as he held her close. Her words made him chuckle as he looked down at the plate, "You made it for me, so it would only be fair if I finished it," he said in a determined voice, yet he couldnt hide the disgust from just thinking of eating it. And before Buffy could clear the table, he had almost eaten it all in an instant, feeling one eye slightly twitch at the mixed flavours of yucky. He swallowed it and exhaled deeply, using the juice once again to clean his mouth.
He got up just as it knocked on the door, but before he could do anything, Nessa was already at it. He wasnt happy that she just opened the door, but knowing it was Dinah, it was fine for now. He went out to them as Dinah called and walked over to his daughter, wrapping his arms around her in a warm embrace. "Sweetling," he said as he placed a kiss on her forehead and let her loose. He then looked at Nessa before he narrowed his eyes a bit. "I'm pretty sure they called for rain today. You should bring your jacket," he said with a small smile, before he looked back at Dinah. "Have you made any plans with Eaden to maybe go somewhere?" he asked as he tilted his head a bit, moving some hair behind her ear. "It would be good for the both of you," he added as he shifted between her eyes.

Buffy got to clearing and cleaning the table, chuckling as she saw Baal finish his meal. He didn’t have to do that, yet he did anyways. She started washing the dishes, just doing something to pass her time. Keeping herself a bit distracted while she listened to Nessa in the near distance getting dressed and getting ready to go out. She heard the knock on the door, sighing as she heard Nessa just opening it, but couldn’t help but smile a bit as Dinah made the girl re-do her actions. It would be the best way to get her to understand. Buffy knew that the world was not always a safe place, so she had tried teaching her child a bit of precaution. She heard Dinah as she entered but wanted to finish clearing the table and washing up before joining them.

Dinah wrapped her arms around her father as he embraced her. Nessa nodded at her father’s words and ran to her room to grab a jacket as he requested. Dinah moved her hands to her jacket’s pockets and looked a bit around as her father mentioned Eaden. She furrowed her brows and shrugged a bit. ”I guess I could plan for it, but Eaden seems so distant and I just want to give him time,” she said with a sigh. She felt a bit frustrated, but not because she was angry. She was more sad than anything, but she put a smile on her lips. ”I just don’t want to go too far away if you need me,” she admitted and smiled more genuinely as Nessa returned with a raincoat on.

Buffy came in to the entryway, adjusting a bit on Nessa’s wild locks that always seemed to have a life of it’s own. ”You have fun today, alright?” she said with a sweet voice and embraced her daughter, pulling her a bit tighter than usual. Nessa giggled and placed a kiss on her mother’s cheek before Buffy let her go. The hybrid looked to Dinah with a warm smile, nodding at her as a greeting and Dinah nodded back. ”Bye,” Nessa said before she grabbed Dinah’s hand and almost tugged her out of the apartment. ”I’ll bring her home later, I’ll just ask Jake how and when,” she said with a smile as they left. The apartment now empty besides her and Baal, she looked to her fiancée. Carefully she moved her hand to his cheek, ”I’ll go take a shower, see if I can fix this bird nest that my hair had turned into,” she said with a faint smile before she moved out to the bathroom.

He sighed at her words and shook his head as he looked at her with caring eyes, "Eaden loves you. He's probably just processing all that has happened. But he'll come through eventually," he said, quite certain of his words as he nodded at her confession, "It's always nice to have you nearby," he said with a smile before he touched her hair gently, running his hand through it - Even though it just reminded him of Ivory. He made a sad smile, "He has loved you since he was born. I dont think this would tear him away from you," he then said. It still felt odd to think of them as lovers, but he didnt want either of them to be sad. He turned his eyes as Nessa returned and Buffy stood in the entryway, smiling a bit yet the sad tint lingered for just a while. When Buffy told Nessa to have fun, he nodded in agreement watching the little sunshine giggle. "Alright, see you!" he said just as they left, watching them in the door before he closed it and turned to Buffy. He smiled as she touched his cheek and squinted his eyes at her words, "I've heard that bird nests are the newest fashion," he teased with a small chuckle before he shook his head. He watched her go before he made a thoughtful grimace before he walked out to the bathroom, knocking on the door before he entered.
"How about a bath?" he then asked as he tilted his head slightly. He was quick to frown and add, "What I meant, is that do you want a bath? I could scrub your back?" he quickly said before he scratched his neck a bit. Had he lost his touch? He felt a bit uncertain before he shook his head and moved his hand away from his neck, remembering the last time they shared a bath, how it didnt quite end well. "I didnt mean it as a request for me to join you," he then said, feeling a bit like he should stop talking but he didnt. "I just want to make you feel good," he then added, closing his eyes as he sighed. He felt a bit like a dummy, standing here and explaining that he had no ill intentions like she would think that.

Dinah felt a little comfort in her father’s words, yet she didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with him. She knew he didn’t like them together like this, even if all he wanted was their happiness. Eaden made her happy, yet she was afraid she could no longer make Eaden happy. She was a bit grateful as Nessa grabbed her hand and pulled her with her. She would however remember her father’s words. Maybe going away for a while would be good.

Buffy chuckled a bit at his words before she walked to the bathroom. Sighing as she looked at her hair and started brushing it carefully. If she wet it now, it would be harder to untangle. She heard the knock on the door and heard Baal’s words through the door. She walked to the door, resting her forehead against the door, listening to him with a faint smile on her face. It was so unusual to hear him like this and shortly she felt a worry inside of her before she moved away from the door and opened it, looking at him. She took his hand, pulling him inside and closed the door behind him. Maybe it was a habbit by now to close the door when she wanted some privacy, but she knew she needed him more right now. ”You sound like a nervous teenager,” she whispered in a gentle tease as she walked over to the bathtub and turned on the water. She got a quick flashback to the last time they had had a bath together, but she snapped out of it as she looked at him. She moved to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she looked into his eyes. ”Make me feel good?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. How long had it been since she had felt him close? Felt his skin against hers? She didn’t like to think about that. ”I’ll let you join my back, but I demand a full back scrub and a shoulder massage,” she said in almost a whisper as she placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Was probably about time that I felt as one," he said in a rather shamefaced way, yet it was meant in a funny way. He looked at her when she had pulled him in, watching her as she turned on the water. He smiled a bit as she wrapped her arms around his neck and entangled his own together around her lower back. He squinted his eyes at her question and nodded. It was really just all he wanted, thinking that these smaller gestures could help them on their way back to being romancy and less taken aback by the guilt they both seemed to let themselves be so heavily affected from. He chuckled softly at her demanding whisper and kissed her back before he answered, "It'll be the best back scrub and massage of your life," he promised her with a little bit of a goofy smile, feeling a bit giddy by the sweetness of this moment.
For once it felt so natural to be around her, something he had feared he wouldnt feel again this strongly. He leaned his head down to hers and nuzzled his nose to hers, "Kissing you in the kitchen is probably the best impulsive idea I've had in a long while," he said in a low tone, making a soft grin as he rubbed his thumbs gently around her back. He looked at the bath and then to her. "Are you sure you want me to join you?" he then asked as he watched her carefully. He couldnt promise that his impulses wouldnt drag him to do something rash, but he frankly didnt know. But maybe that was for the better. He let her go and walked over to the bathtub, dragging his hand through the water to feel the temperature, adjusting the heat to make sure it wouldnt be too warm or too cold, as he remembered how it was the last time they had their bath - An odd thing to remember, but he did. "I had completely forgotten how alone-time works when you have an energetic child running about. Well, Dinah and Eaden werent quite as energetic," he then said as he looked at the water before he looked at Buffy. "I should have used the little time we got more wisely," he then admitted as he walked back to her and looked at her, placing a hand gently on her neck, feeling the skin against his palm. He looked at his hand for a bit before he looked into her beautiful green eyes, "Been a better fiancé..." he then said as he kissed her nose.

”It better be the best ever, or I might need to call in a complaint of my model of fiancé,” she said in a tease, smiling as she saw his goofy smile. How she loved that smile, as it made her feel so blessed. He might be a demon, but he felt like a true blessing. Her life had turned on it’s head because of him, but that wasn’t why she loved him so. They had experienced some things that just made her sure of the fact that they belonged together. They would get through this hardship, she just had to believe that, but the mind was a curious thing. Twisting and turning as it tried to cope in different ways. His question made her nod, knowing that it might end up more sexual than initially intended, but she couldn’t deny herself that pleasure. She let him go to the bathtub and she returned to brushing her hair, getting out the most of the knots that annoyed her, before pulling it up into a bun on the top of her head. Her hair had grown pretty long, but it wasn’t like she had had the time to go get a hair cut. She had been busy, felt more busy than she had for a while, but right now it was quiet. Nodding at his words she looked at him in the mirror, smiling as she looked down. ”I guess we’ve both been rather busy with trying to cope with everything,” she said with a sad smile on her lips. She loved the family that her and Baal had made, but the lingering feeling of being robbed of something still lingered in her.

She heard him, looking down and feeling a bit guilty about that as well. She looked at him as he placed a hand on her neck and sighed as she looked at him. His small gesture of a kiss on her nose made her smile. ”I guess I could have been better too,” she admitted, furrowing her brows slightly as she thought about everything. Buffy moved her hand to her rope, opening it and revealing her night wear; a see through t-shirt, one of Baal’s old ones, and her underwear. ”But I also have focused a lot on making sure Nessa knows things; she’s a brilliant child, and I just want to be certain in knowing I did everything I could to dress her for the world,” she said with a smile. Buffy was very dedicated to her daughter, trying to learn Hebrew at a fast pace while still making sure that they got food in their stomachs. ”And I must say, being a father suits you,” she whispered as she looked up at his grey eyes, watching the specs of green move around. Buffy opened her lips again, the same way she had done in the kitchen but this time she closed them, swallowed and opened them again. ”Ani ohevet ot’h’a, arus,” (I love you, my fiancé) she said in a trying, yet nervous voice. She was far from good at Hebrew, but she had picked up on some things. ”God I hope I said that right,” she whispered, looking up at his eyes with a faint smile on her lips.

The bathtub had seemed to fill up and she walked over to turn off the stream, touching the water with a small smile on her lips. She placed a few drops of soaps in to the water, swirling her hand around to mix it into it. Then she removed her shirt, and stepped out of her underwear before entering the tub with a small sigh leaving her lips. She moved so there was room behing her for him. It was quite the sizeable tub, and there was plenty of room for both of them.

"No complaints shall be made today," he assured her with a soft giggle.
She was right that they had both been busy, but he still wanted to try and change it now that he had the chance to do so. Seeing her take off the night gown made him look at her body that was hiding underneath his shirt. He felt an odd need to just pull it off her to embrace the sight of her barren skin once more. But for now, he repressed that urge.
He nodded at her words, he had clearly seen how she had dedicated a lot to their daughter, a part of him thought it was to make up for the time lost, but he didnt really care as it didnt matter what reasons she had - What mattered is that she was doing her best and she was doing it quite good. He chuckled at her whisper, shaking his head a bit in a goofy shy way as he then looked at her, "You're being too generous," he said, yet it made him quite happy to hear her say it. He frowned as she seemed to want to say something like she did in the kitchen. He waited with curious eyes till she spoke. His eyes widened a bit as his mouth opened slightly in surprise, before he blinked a few times and smiled wide. She seemed so nervous, yet he understood it perfectly. He lifted his hand from her neck and pressed it gently to her cheek as he pressed his forehead to hers, "I love you as well. With all my heart," he whispered with his eyes closed, not able to keep the giddy smile off his lips.

He watched her turn and prepare the water as she then undressed. He slowly pulled off his shirt and got undressed as she got in the water, just to follow and sit down behind her, moving his hands forward to wrap around her stomach as he pulled her close to him, feeling her soft skin against his. He leaned his head on her shoulder closing his eyes as he just took a moment to enjoy the feeling that he had longed for.
He caressed her skin just above her stomach as he wouldnt feel like drawing attention to what wasnt there anymore. He let go after a while and placed his hands on her back, gently rubbing his palms slowly around to warm up the muscles. He grabbed a sponge and poured some soap on it before he started gently dragging it around her beautiful back as his free hand caressed her arm. He leaned a bit forward as he placed his mouth right at her ear as he scrubbed her back, "I have to let you know, I'm way better at head massages. But I will do my best to make you feel relaxed," he whispered rather sensually in her ear before he leaned back, turning his attention back on scrubbing her thoroughly, like he hadnt just teased her with a hidden talent of his.

”But it’s true, the way you are around her or any of your kids just makes me know that this is the right thing,” she said with a smile. He was silent after she had tried speaking Hebrew. Had he understood or had she just insulted him? Feeling his hand on her cheek made her close her eyes, endulging herself in his gentle touch before she felt his forehead pressed against her own. His whisper made a shiver run down her spine, but she tried standing still. They stood like this for a while, listening to the water slowly filling the tub and the sense of hearing each other’s breath. Feeling the warm water surround her body made a sigh escape her lips, but as he pulled her closer her body finally relaxed. She leaned her head back, resting it against his shoulder and just felt his gentle caresses that made her skin buzz. The damp in the room laid on her cheeks that slowly got a bit of color to them. He started rubbing his palms along her muscles, and she sighed and groaned silently as she felt her body give in to his touch. His hands moved and she tried taking back control over her breathing before he started scrubbing her back. His whisper made her shudder, a smile spreading on her lips. ”I won’t stop you if you want to show off,” she whispered back a bit breathlessly. She enjoyed this moment. Feeling his free hand move around her body and the scrubbing on her back so thoroughly. ”Mmhmmm,” she moaned, closing her eyes to just enjoy this.

He smiled softly at her words and shook his head, “I’m still learning. But I have someone to look up to. She’s quite tender with our child, and I want to live up to that,” he said as he chuckled a bit as he was clearly refering to her. “It’ll be after the bath then. Wouldnt want you to fall asleep,” he teased her. Her moan made him scoff softly as he continued scrubbing, but he soon knew that his body had reacted to it, even as subtle and innocent as it was, it had been a while. He put the sponge away and placed his hands on her shoulders to gently move her a bit forward so he could start the massage. He pressed his thumbs gently at her tense muscles as he gasped softly, “Oh my...” he mumbled under his breath as he leaned forward to kiss the back of her head, “I’ve never felt you this tense,” he said as he started rolling his thumbs carefully around her shoulders just below the neck, frowning a bit worried at what he was feeling. He kissed her neck as he worked her shoulders, shifting between rolling and rubbing along the muscles to make sure they loosened up. Even if he wasnt the best at this, he wasnt going to stop till he felt her muscles softening up. He removed his hands from her shoulders and moved one up to her neck, where he gently squeezed. “I’ve heard that most headaches can be caused by muscles stiffening up in the neck,” he explained as he moved his hand up and down her neck, making sure he squeezed everything. He started the same roll he had done on her shoulders before he moved his hand down, placing his free hand on her back as he used his palms to massage her. He felt his desire grow the more he touched her body, but frankly it was safe to say that his focus couldnt be moved. “I’ll admit that I’m not having thoughts of the decent kind right now,” he said softly as he trickled his fingers down her skin, pressing his thumbs to her lower back where he continued his work, leaning forward to gently nibble at the side of her ear. “Watching the love you feel for our daughter warms my heart,” he whispered as he moved his hands up to make sure all the muscles were loosened up, if he felt a knot, he’d gently work it out.

Buffy shook her head at his words, clearly referring to her, but she felt nothing like he said she was. She was just trying to do her best. It was the best feeling to sit with the warm water around her, feeling Baal’s hands move and work at her tense muscles. She smiled apologetic, but he wouldn’t see that. ”I guess I haven’t slept well,” she said with a strained voice as he hit a knot that was extra stubborn. His small kisses helped her distract from the soreness, but she also felt her body relax more. Buffy’s jaw clenched as he moved his hands to her neck, where she sighed at his continued touch. Her eyes had fallen shut, just focussing on breathing and feeling his hands. She nodded at his words, it was true what he had heard, but she hadn’t had a headache. Rather she had felt like her whole body had been aching instead. This was helping her a lot, relaxing it and making her muscles soft again. His soft words made her smile blissfully as he started working on her lower back. A small groan sprang from her lips as she frowned a bit. He kept nibbling at her ear, and she bit her lip as she still had her eyes closed. It was hard speaking while he worked at her body like this, as she just wanted to focus on it. His whisper made her smile widen as she sighed. ”Watching you makes me long for you more and more” she whispered. ”Feeling your hands drives me mad with desire,” she admitted opening her eyes and looking back at him. As he finished his checking round, she leaned back against him, resting her back against his chest and pulling his arms around her.

”Decent thoughts or not, you seem happy to have me close,” she noted, feeling him press against her under the water. She took a deep breath, feeling safe and relaxed for the first time in a long time. Her fingers ran up and down his arms as she looked forward, breathing a bit heavier than usual, but mostly it was because she was relaxed. ”When have we last been together like this?” she whispered in a sad voice. She loved their little girl, loved her more than she could describe, but she missed spending some time just with Baal. Was that narcissistic of her? She felt guilty when she spent time only with Baal and guilty when she spent time only with Nessa. It was worse if she had to go out and see some family or friends. ”Maybe we should set up a monthly thing?” she suggested, resting her head backwards so she could look at Baal. ”Like, once a month it is just you and me, and whatever we want to do?” she said with a faint smile. It wouldn’t fix everything, but it would give them a day to them and their relationship.

"Then it's good that I'm all yours," he whispered back. Her confession surprised him a bit as he found himself being unable to not think about the lust he felt for her in the moment. He finished up his work and caressed her with the back of his hand to signal that he was done, just when she then leaned back against him and made him wrap his arms around her. He tightened the embrace a bit and sighed with content. This he had surely missed. He closed his eyes and let out a soft chuckle at her words, "Oh, this happens a lot more than you think and it's not just when I'm close to you," he assured her with a soft smile, leaning his head against hers as he felt more and more relaxed, having her close and feeling the warm water surround them. "I guess my fiancée just doesnt know how attratively alluring I find her," he whispered with a charming tone, yet he meant every word.
He caressed her arms with his thumb as he opened his eyes and looked ahead, listening to her breathe as they both seemed to indulge in the silence. He lifted his head at her whisper and frowned a bit, "It's been way too long," he admitted and clenched his jaw shortly at the thought. He was sure that this morning had just prevented a heated argument in the future that would be solely based on the tension they both felt. He lifted his arm and grabbed her hand, entangling their fingers as she made her suggestion. He looked at her and made a thoughtful grimace as she continued, before he looked at her with narrow eyes, "I think for the sake of our relationship and our daughter, that it would be better if we take the time we get..." he said as he then frowned a bit as his head was churning with ideas. He exhaled deeply, "Maybe once a month, it would be good for us to have a weekend for ourselves? I'm sure Sam or other people that we know wouldnt mind looking after Nessa?" he then added, looking at Buffy with a careful look. He kissed her temple and kept his eyes on hers, "It'll be hard being away from her, so we dont have to go anywhere where we couldnt come back in a pinch," he then said as he shifted between her eyes.

”I guess you are right, I don’t know,” she said with a small sigh. She let her hands go under the water, playing with the soft bubbles on the water. Her fingers ran up and down his leg, touching his knee and just listened to the silence for a bit. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. So much so that she felt a bit overwhelmed thinking of it all. The silence was comforting and welcoming. Having Nessa meant there was always the sound of movement when she walked across the floors. Those little steps, carefull and carefree at the same time. She was the one to break the silence. She didn’t really want an answer to her question, but was grateful for the fact that he seemed to agree with her thoughts. Baal took her hand, entangling their fingers and she smiled a bit looking at their hands. This was how it had started, she thought to herself. Had she not let their fingers entangle that first night, who knows where they had been today? It felt like ages ago, but in reality everything had moved at lightning speed. Not that she minded it, it had worked out somewhat, but their lives had not been without struggles thus far. She had no doubt that struggle would continue to come and surprise them from time to time. Her suggestion had been a bit vague, but she didn’t really know what she asked for. Nodding at his words and he suggested having one weekend a month just for the two of them. She liked that sound, but her toughest problem would be trusting someone with putting Nessa to sleep and make sure she got fed. Maybe it was a weird thing to worry about, but it was what filled her head in this moment.

Buffy turned around in the tub, moving her legs so they would sit with her legs crossing over his. She scooted a bit closer, biting her lip as she felt him but chose to focus on his eyes instead. ”I would love that,” she whispered, running her free hand up to remove some of his damp hair from his forehead. His dark curls swirling almost as much as his dark marks on his upper body. Her hand that was still entangled with his squeezed his fingers slightly as she smiled to him. She moved closer to him, basically sitting in his lap as she felt her heart beat in her throat. ”What would our weekends be going with?” she whispered a bit teasingly as she reached behind Baal to grab the shampoo, squeezing some out in her palm. She moved her hands up, slowly massaging the shampoo into his dark curls.

He was a bit surprised as she turned around, but not in a bad way. His surprise softened up in a smile as he observed her face, feeling his core tingle a little with need, though it didnt feel like the right moment to act on it. Her whisper made him nod as she touched his hair. He truly had missed her caresses, even the smallest of them seemed to make him feel warm and fuzzy. He gently caressed the back of her hand with his fingers as their hands were still entangled.
His hand moved up onto her lower back as she got on his lap, making sure she wouldnt just glide down again. Having her this close made his breath tremble for a short moment but he just smiled at her and ran his thumb along her soft skin. Her question made him pucker his lips in wonder as he then narrowed his eyes at her with half a smile. "Oh," he said in a rather overdramatic voice, shaking his head a bit before he felt her reach behind him. He tilted his head down as he looked at her, "We'd be doing boring awfully normal couple things, I'd imagine," he said, closing his eyes as she soaped in his hair, "Going to museums, parks. Maybe even visit a running circus if one is available at the time, one of us complaining about how they brought an elephant as elephants have been tortured into submission. Because of that we'd have this long conversation on how well they're doing in Thailand with their sanctuaries as we leave the circus" he explained as he opened his eyes halfway to look at her, "After that, we'd go out to some fancy restaurant and buy odd food, I'll probably hate every moment of it, but you'd get a good laugh watching me try to look pleased by the food, so the waiters wont get angry with us and spit in our desserts," he then said, chuckling a bit as he leaned forward and kissed her nose. "With the evening all to ourselves, we'd probably do all kinds of romancy stuff," he then said leaning down to kiss her lips gently before he moved back, smiling a bit giddily at the scenario he had painted. "We'll find some boring movie and forget all about it, as something else will completely occupy our minds" he then explained as his hand on her lower back started pressing her closer, a slight hint of his charming smile over his lips, "I'd make you sing in the sweetest of tones," he almost whispered in an alluring tone, pressing his forehead gently to hers. "And we'll feel like we used to," he said, going away from the whisper yet staying in the lower tones. He chuckled softly and smiled at her, "Like we are right now," he remarked in a whisper. It felt nice to actually feel like they would a month ago, and even thinking about how they had been robbed of it, couldnt ruin the moment now.

It had been so long since they had been this close and she felt like she could finally breathe. She could feel hm tremble a bit, and she didn’t blame him. She felt the need for him too, but right now she just wanted to savour the moment and endulge herself in their small talk. As she soaped in his hair he spoke, and she chuckled to herself a little at his first line. Sure, they would do boring mundane things, but that was what she needed. She needed some stability and something that would bring her back to earth from time to time. He spoke like this was something that they had already done, but they never had. Listening to his mind’s fantasy was fun in a way, and as she finished soaping in his hair, she simply moved her hands down to his neck, gently massaging in swirls with her fingers to loosen him up as well. She looked at him as he opened his eyes halfway, a smile still lingering on her lips. He spoke of such a sweet and innocent day, a day where they would have no worries and just be a normal couple. Normal couple, she thought, there was really nothing normal about what they had been through thus far. She couldn’t hold back a small chuckle as he kissed her nose, moving her hands down to rub in the excess soap onto his shoulders and chest. ”Romancy stuff? Are you getting sappy on me?” she asked in a teasing manner before he continued his story. She felt her cheeks get a little color as he pulled her closer, speaking of something that would occupy their minds. His smile always had a fun effect on her, making her smile back without hesitation.

Buffy felt her heart flutter at the mention of him making her sing, because she knew what it meant. She wanted to feel him inside her, yet after the pregnancy turning into something completely unexpected she felt a little hesitant. Of course they could use protection, but sometimes their moments had had a habit of getting pretty heated, their needs just taking over and not giving it a second thought. Nessa was not created as an accident, she was created out of the love and need that Buffy and Baal had for each other, but the fear of going through anything remotely similar made her hold back. She closed her eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers, her hands stopping their movements and just resting on his chest. He said they would feel like they used to, like they were right now, but Buffy would be lying if she said she felt the same. So much had changed in her life in such a short amount of time that she felt the pressure from herself to perform even better. ”Oh my dear fiancé,” she whispered in a weak voice. She looked at him with tender eyes as she moved her forehead away from his. ”I’ll never feel what we used to,” she said in a timid voice, because it wasn’t a bad thing. She kissed him gently, moving her arms around his neck to embrace him. ”I want us to feel better than we used to; I want our relationship to grow from all of this, not go back to what it was,” she said with a faint smile on her lips. If they couldn’t grow from their experience, then what could they do? He was no longer all she needed, he was half. She needed Nessa too, because she was an extention of Baal.

”My mother always said that when you get a child, both parents have to sacrifice half of their love to give to their child,” she said with a smile on her lips, kissing his cheek gently. She wanted him to know that change was alright, it was probably why she had been so down, because she herself had a hard time dealing with this massive change. Their lives had been flipped upside down in a matter of hours, and now they were trying to raise a child that was almost fully grown at this point. ”But that only means that the love we have for each other now is even stronger, because it rests not only in our hearts, but in Nessa’s heart as well,” she said. This fact didn’t make her sad, it actually made her joyious. Knowing that Nessa got more love than she would ever need from her parents was all that Buffy strived for. ”But, my love, this change is good,” she whispered gently, pressing herself against him in a tight embrace and closing her eyes. ”It means that I get to love you more than I ever imagined,” her voice said a bit muffled as she was trying not to cry. She just felt so happy.